Dipper Pines and the Temple of Copyright Infringement

Two years... That's how long it had been since Mabel had set foot in Gravity Falls. While technically she'd only missed one summer, Mabel had missed out on a lot more than just a couple months of summer fun at her home away from home. Her parents had not taken Dipper's disappearance well, as if anyone had ever expected them too. The fallout was equally as predictable, maybe even slightly worse than even Mabel had imagined, and she'd foretold doom and devastation of the highest order. Of course her Grunkle's had to give the twin's parents the full story of what happened considering the circumstances, bringing to light along with that explanation, just what exactly the younger Pines twins had been up too those past five summers in Oregon. Her mother had completely refused to believe any talk of her son being stuck in another dimension. She even went as far as threatening to get the police involved, believing there was something more sinister behind her son's disappearance, almost as if she suspected her Grunkles had something to do with it. Luckily, her husband talked her down, mostly due to Mabel's whole-hearted tearful plea that the Stan's would never do anything to purposely harm her or Dipper. That didn't mean he was any happier about the situation than his wife was, however.

What followed was the moment the Pines twins had always dreaded might happen if their parents ever found out exactly how bizarre Gravity Falls really was. Not only was she banned from ever visiting Stan and Ford again, but her parents went as far as refusing her any form of contact with anyone even loosely connected to Gravity Falls. If that place was truly as Mabel and the Stan's described it, then they wanted their little girl to have absolutely nothing to do with it. They'd already lost a son to that madness, so they weren't about to allow their daughter to get sucked in too. They might've meant well, but her parents never quite understood what exactly they were taking away from Mabel. She needed all the support she could get after losing her brother, and the people she wanted to lean on the most weren't located in Piedmont, they were up north in the Beaver State. Her Grunkles, Wendy, Soos, Grenda, Candy, even Pacifica... And here she was, barred from even sending anyone of them a text or an email. It was so unfair, and yet so hard to argue against their logic at the same time. The Pines had lost a son and were taking it out on an entire town, as well as her dad's uncles, whose relationship completely deteriorated after the fact.

That was the good thing about having a con-man and a genius as great-uncles though. They eventually found creative ways around the communication ban, mostly through unlisted phone numbers and random but otherwise benign looking email addresses. She still hadn't seen a soul from Gravity Falls since that fateful trip, but at least she hadn't lost all contact.

None of that mattered now, however... Mabel was eighteen, and officially done with High School. Her parents could no longer prevent her from returning to the Falls, try as hard as they might. They tried begging, guilting, bribing, even resorting to that old parental favorite of threatening that she wouldn't have a home to come back to if she left for what they considered to be an evil place. It didn't work and an hour later, Mabel was on a bus headed north with everything she owned in a duffel bag and a suitcase. She loved her parents, and hoped she could smooth things over with them soon, but she had to go... They didn't understand what that town, and more importantly, what the people who lived there meant to her.

Mabel found it difficult to recall the last time she had felt quite this excited… That excitement only grew as the bus pulled up to the familiar bus stop, and she disembarked, fully expecting to find a couple of familiar grizzled old faces waiting there to greet her. To her surprise, that's not what she found waiting for her once she got off the bus. Instead, she found a long black limousine waiting on her, a familiar blonde decked out in purple standing in front of the rear door. When the blonde first laid eyes on Mabel, she removed her dark sunglasses and squinted as if wanting to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. The two girls stared at each other for about three seconds, smiled, and finally squealed before running up and hugging the ever-loving crap out of the other. They pulled apart and gabbed away as they took good long looks at their respective long-lost-friends. Even in the age of social media ruling the world, the two friends hadn't seen nor spoken much over the past two years. Mabel's parents had made certain of that, policing her various social media accounts to a point of near fascism, strictly enforcing their 'absolutely no contact with anyone associated with Gravity Falls' rule. Paths around those shuttered borders had been few and far between.

"It's been way too long Mabel! You look so differen't! Like an adult, it's so weird!"

"I know right? You look the same as you always have. Rich and fabulous!"

"Well, it is hard to improve on perfection," Pacifica joked, as the girls shared a giggle. She took a moment to admire Mabel's outfit… A modest skirt that went halfway down her thighs, and long black socks that covered any portion of her legs the skirt didn't. Her top was a simple black tank, embroidered with what appeared to be Mabel in a cowboy hat fleeing from what looked like an open prison cell. "Like the outfit, it's a good look on you. Kind of weird to see you not decked out in one of your sweaters though."

"Yeah, I think it suites me… I just needed a change after… Everything that's happened. I still break out the sweaters in the wintertime, but knitting is something I kind of need to be in the proper mindset to deal with now. I design and embroider the graphics on all my tank-tops, so I still get to unleash my creative side without near as much work!"

"So, you go from long sleeves to no sleeves. Nothing in between huh?"

"Nothing at all!"

Pacifica laughed as Mabel's smile gleamed that much brighter with no braces in sight. "So, did you design that one yourself too? Is that top supposed to represent your inner cowgirl or something?"

"Nope, jail break! Because that's exactly what turning eighteen felt like, finally escaping after two long years of forced quarantine!" Mabel took a quick look at her surroundings. "Not that I'm complaining, but I'm kind of surprised its just you here to greet me. I figured Grunkle Stan would be here at least…"

"Oh, he wanted too! Both of your Uncles did. I had to fight to get to be the one to pick you up. Figured you deserved to roll back into town in style! Speaking of which, is there anywhere in particular you want to go first?..."

Mabel's smile saddened slightly. "I'm pretty sure you already know the answer to that."

Pacifica did, forcing a sigh to pass her lips. "Yeah, I figured… We should get going then, your Grunkle's are anxious to see you… I do have to warn you though, you should probably brace yourself… You're not going to like what you're about to see…."

"I'll be alright… I've had almost a year to mentally prepare myself… I'll be alright."

Pacifica wasn't kidding. Mabel didn't like what she saw, not one bit. That year Mabel spent preparing herself was nowhere near enough to ready her to see the Mystery Shack in the condition it was now in. Not that the place was ever in pristine condition even when Mabel first arrived on Gopher Road six years before. There had always been a homey charm to the run-down old building first facilitated by her Grunkle Stan and then later by Soos… Now that the building had sat empty for more than a year, it's age and deterioration were on full display. Hell, it looked like a condemned building right out of a Scooby-Doo ghost town, with the windows boarded up, and a portion of the roof collapsed in on itself.

"How did things get so bad so fast?..." The question was rhetorical, but Pacifica felt the need to answer anyhow.

"The old dump wasn't in the best shape before it was abandoned Mabel, so with nobody to take care of it after the Mystery Shack went out of business…"

"I guess I never realized how hard Grunkle Stan and Soos actually worked to keep this old place from falling to pieces…" That was a hard blow, the day Mabel found out the Mystery Shack was closing its doors for good. The once profitable little tourist trap was just barely making enough money to stay afloat… Certainly not enough to support Soos and his growing little family. When he got that job offer from a relative down in Arizona, he had little choice but to take it, and thus passed the shack back to Stanley who was no longer in the position or mindset to keep the place running. Thus, the decision was made to close the doors for good, and with no one to look after the place, it quickly fell victim to time and nature's fury. That bad snowstorm the previous winter basically did the building in, caving in part of the roof, and apparently destroying much of the attic bedroom where Mabel had spent many a summer. She had no desire to confirm those rumors were true.

Just outside the shack stood a small memorial... If that's what you could call it, dedicated to Dipper Pines. Its presence gave friends and family of the boy mixed feelings... This was Mabel's next stop on her trip down memory lane, her only real reason to come here if she was being honest. Otherwise, she just would've preferred to avoid the Shack all together after witnessing father time's carnage firsthand.

There was a time when that memorial was going to be much grander. A celebration of Dipper's sacrifice, and once again helping to save the town. Surprisingly, or perhaps not, the townsfolk pretty much took the Pines' at their word when they shared their story of the planned invasion from another dimension. Hardly anybody batted an eye, and why would they? It wasn't even the first time something like that had happened. Sadly, weird portals mysteriously appearing in the woods harbingering potential doom in Gravity Falls, was akin to a town-wide blackout for most small communities. Mabel was the one who nixed the idea, primarily because of what they planned to call it. A memorial… Meaning, in remembrance of someone who was now gone, and Mabel was still insistent that her brother was still alive. If the town wanted to show him their appreciation, they could do it in person whenever Dipper finally found his way home.

Mabel stared at the small plaque for a minute or two before sighing and dropping to the ground, her back pressed against the stone that served as the plaques base. "For the past two years, all I've wanted was to find my way back to Gravity Falls Pacifica… Now that I'm here, I'm starting to wonder what the point was! I still have you and my Grunkles but everything else… The Shack is gone, Soos is in Arizona, Candy's across the country attending college, and Grenda's living it up in Austria. Dipper is still missing, and Wendy isn't around anymore… What did I think I was coming home to?…"

Pacifica hadn't exactly been blessed with the best emotional support skills. She was more of a, throw some money at the situation and hope that makes things better type of gal. As much as she'd love to reach out and say something to Mabel that might help bring her spirits up, she just wasn't equipped to do it. Thankfully, somebody who was, just happened to be revisiting her old stomping grounds herself."

"Who says I'm not around? I'll show up wherever I damn well please thank you very much!"

The sound of that familiar, though long estranged voice caused Mabel's insides to jolt with anxiety and excitement. Standing on the other side of the memorial, arms crossed and smirking smugly, was Wendy Corduroy. Her hair was a tad bit shorter than the last time Mabel had seen her, and pulled back into a ponytail, but it was definitely the same good ole Wendy. Mabel squeed excitedly, jumping up and seizing the redhead into a powerful hug, nearly knocking a very familiar trucker's hat clear off her head.

"Oh, it's so good to see you Wendy! I didn't expect to see you around until the semester was over!"

"Well, if I were still goin' to school, that would make sense, but I've been back in town for about a year now! I would've told you ages ago, but you've been a hard girl to get ahold of you know that?"

"Yeah sorry about that… My parents pretty much did everything but put a glass dome around the town… Anything to limit my contact with Gravity Falls as much as possible."

"Wish I could say I blame 'em. I could only imagine what they think of me. I'm probably the last person they want you associatin' with…"

"No less than anybody else," Mabel grumbled. "The balance of blame seems to trickle down from Gravity Falls itself, to my Grunkles, and then everybody else that happens to live here! I'm honestly not sure they'd know you as anyone other than that girl they used to tease Dipper for having a crush on."

Inflicted with a sudden case of third wheel-itis, Pacifica abruptly interrupted. "Hey Mabel, I think I'm going to go chill in the limo for a bit while you two catch up…"

"Awe, you don't have to do that," Mabel said, as she turned towards the blonde. "This conversation doesn't have to be two-way! Feel free to jump in!"

"No, I think you two are due for a little one-on-one time…" Pacifica frowned a bit as her eyes connected with Wendy's. "Besides, I'd feel out of place…"

Wendy picked up on the subtle hint of hostility from the blonde, crossing her arms in response. "Wouldn't that be your own fault? You're the one that texted and invited me up here ya know!"

"Yeah for Mabel… Didn't mean I was looking forward to keeping your company…" Pacifica spat, her back now turned as she headed towards the limo. Wendy just grunted in response, while Mabel looked innocently confused.

"Okay… Something up between the two of you I don't know about?"

"Northwest and I have never been on the best of terms Mabes… And it shouldn't be that hard for you to figure out what her problem with me is…"

"Oh…" Mabel's eyes brightened with realization as Wendy just nodded. "But that's silly! Pacifica shouldn't be holding a grudge over what happened with Dipper…. That wasn't your fault!"

"On the contrary, I'm kind of glad blondie is still miffed at me about it… At least somebody holds me responsible. I might just have lost it if everybody looked the other way and ignored what I did…"

"I…" Mabel wanted to continue arguing in her friend's defense, but shook her head, deciding against it. "This isn't what I wanted our reunion to be about! This is a happy occasion, so only happy topics of conversation okay?"

Wendy didn't appear so sure at first but offered Mabel a small smile none-the-less. "Sure, I can handle that I guess."

And so, for the next hour or so, the two friends caught up on old times as they sat around Dipper's memorial. Eventually, the conversation pivoted towards Wendy's reappearance in Gravity Falls. "So, you dropped out of college huh?"

"School just… Isn't for me. Wasn't doin' well before the incident with Dipper, and in the aftermath well… Everything just fell apart. I stopped goin' to class, started drinkin' too much… I wasn't in a healthy state of mind at the time. Basically, I dropped out before I could flunk out, and decided I needed to come home and decompress for a bit before I did something really stupid I'd regret. Best decision I've made in a long time. Got myself clean, and my life back on track."

"I'm glad to hear that… So, what are you doing for work now that the Mystery Shack is closed for business?"

Wendy's groan of frustration was noticeable. "Workin' for my Dad's loggin' company… You know, the exact same job I wanted nothing to do with! Not many options around this town though. The work is boring as hell and threatens to suck out your soul, but it'll have to do until somethin' better comes along."

"It will eventually! You're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for Wendy! Just because you didn't do well in school doesn't mean your dumb or anything… No offense, but your main issue has always been more along the lines of… You know… Interest and work ethic?"

"Callin' me lazy?" Wendy frowned, but quickly burst out laughing at the suddenly panicked look on Mabel's face. "Relax, I'm just joshing ya! I know exactly what my problems with school were… What about you girl? Got any big plans for the future?"

"Well…" There was a long pause, and the more it went on, the more Wendy started to worry. There was a time in her life when Mabel had no shortage of wild dreams she wanted to pursue. Seems that girl had done some growing up. "I don't know to be honest… My entire focus the past two years was getting back to Gravity Falls… Somehow, I failed to consider what I was actually going to do with my life once I got up here…"

"You havin' doubts about yourself? The girl who used to throw darts at the wall every morning to decide what crazy passion project she wanted to chase that day?"

"You know something Wendy? I've never had a problem with being me… I am who I am, and I've always been comfortable in my own skin… I kind of grew out of that starstruck dreamer phase I was stuck in though, and I think I'm a better person now for it. If one good thing has come from Dipper being gone, it was me learning that I can't just jump headfirst into the unknown all the time and not expect there to be consequences. Me packing up and moving to Oregon with no real plan being the exception." Mabel smiled a bit as she thought about one of her potential future endeavors. "You're probably going to think I'm crazy, but I think I want to be a teacher someday… Art teacher of course! I love kids, and I want to help them bring out their creative sides! I know I'll eventually have to go to college if I want to take that path, but that's just the picture that pops up in my head whenever I think of future Mabel."

"It sounds fitting," Wendy remarked before taking a swig of a can of Pitt. "At least you have some direction… I think Dipper would be proud of you."

"You think?..." Looking thoughtful, Mabel stood up and stared down at the plaque bearing her brother's name. Wendy reluctantly joined her and did the same. "He will make it back to us one day, won't he Wendy?"

"He's got to Mabes… How else am I supposed to kill him for all the grief he's put us through? All jokin' aside though, I pray every day that he finds his way back home… Not a night goes by when I don't lay awake wondering what the heck he's doing over there…"

"Oh, I can imagine! Probably stumbling his way through some crumbling old ruin looking for some kind of artifact he hopes might get him home…"

Meanwhile, in the dimension of Andorra, two men fumbled their way through a crumbling old native ruin, in search of an artifact that could bring them untold wealth. One was a short portly man, not fat per se but he obviously ate well, dark hair and a beard that felt pretty much mandatory at this point for all unscrupulous merchants who weren't afraid to get their hands dirty if a quick buck was involved. He was accompanied by his henchmen, a towering hulk of a man of Orcish decent. His skin tinted a greenish-brown hue, he went shirtless though it was unknown if this was some type of Orc fashion statement, or if this dimension was simply incapable of crafting clothing in his size. They'd been traversing the dark corridors of that ruined complex for hours, and the pudgy merchant's patience was beginning to wear thin.

"This is preposterous! This temple complex didn't look all that large from the outside! We must be going around in circles!"

"We've been moving in a straight path this entire time," the Orc grumbled in a deep gravely voice, the whiny merchants persistent complaining testing his own patience. He'd say something, but Hasso paid well… Well enough that he'd continue to keep his mouth shut… For now. "Just be patient and we'll find the main chamber, and then you can use that statue you stole… Excuse me, borrowed from the villagers."

"Blah, those primitive fools have no clue what they even had!" Hasso squeaked in a voice that sound slightly more high-pitched than was normal. He admired the golden idol in his hands, carved in effigy to some spear-wielding warrior in a tribal mask that the local villagers worshiped as some type of god. "The artifact itself is probably worth a small fortune, but it's the prize this shiny little beauty is going to lead me to that's going to make all this effort worthwhile."

"You sure about that?" the Orc looked down at the much shorter merchant skeptically. "Are we talking actual treasure here, or are you more concerned with showing up the Pines kid?"

"My reasoning is no concern of yours Grendel! You'll get your pay! But yes, humiliating that meddlesome brat by stealing the treasure he so desires right out from under his nose is merely a constellation prize. He has no idea how far ahead of him we actually are! I almost pity the poor fool."

Hasso wasn't nearly as far ahead of Dipper Pines as he thought he was. In fact, Dipper wasn't behind him at all. He was a few feet above his head, casually hiding in a square shaped hole in the wall, one of many secret passages that lined the temple complex. It was Hasso's complete ignorance to these secret corridors, that he hadn't found the main chamber he'd been seeking. Dipper waited until Hasso and his goon wandered a few feet ahead of him before deciding to drop in from behind.

"As if that brat ever had a chance of beating me to the treasure! He's so far back in the weeds, we'll be halfway to Nilbog before the boy realizes he's been made a fool of! Oh, how I'd give anything to see the look on his snarky little face!"

"Well, isn't this your lucky day? Why dontcha turn around and take a peek? Let me know if the look on my face is snarky enough for you!"

Hasso and Grendel whirled around and were both shocked to find a young human boy standing behind them. Six feet tall with faint brown stubble covering his face, dressed in an atypical explorer's outfit that looked dirty and worn from age. There was an… Unusual air of confidence in the way the young man spoke that would surprise many of the people who knew him back home.

Hasso's shock quickly morphed into amusement. "Well, Mr. Pines… I wasn't expecting to see you here this afternoon."

"That's funny because I've been waiting for your slow ass to show up all day… Now, how about we cut the crap and you hand over the idol Hasso? It doesn't belong to you. It's sacred to those villagers…"

"Eh, sorry… Not a chance in hell of that happening! Grendel, would you be so kind as to smash this little rodent's head in so we can finish conducting our business?"

"Sure thing boss…" Grendel removed a giant war-hammer from his back, as he advanced on Dipper menacingly. "Nothing personal kid… But you shouldn't keep stickin' your nose in our business. This is probably the moment you want to start running away now."

Dipper looked stoic, almost completely void of emotion. "Why? That would give off the impression that I'm afraid of you and that's just not the case."

"Welp, have it your way then kid. Not gona lie… This is gona hurt…"

The massive Orc growled and started to charge towards Dipper, his hammer held high above his head. Appearing almost disinterested, Dipper removed the grappling hook from his belt, and fired it towards the advancing Grendel. The refashioned hooking mechanism stuck the Orc in the chest and proceeded to latch on, delivering a massive shock directly into Grendel's chest. The Orc's body began to gyrate as he was essentially tased, electric shocks surging through his body. It was over within five seconds when the hook detached. With a grunt, Grendel promptly passed out, landing on his face. Dipper looked almost bored, and certainly unimpressed as he reeled in the hook, and discarded the crystal used to help turn Mabel's favorite accessory into a hybrid grappling hook/stun gun type weapon. Dipper's attention turned to Hasso, who looked absolutely horrified. His strongest and most reliable hired hand… Flat on his face, just like that.

"Well… What now Hasso?"

Hasso's response was quick and decisive. He turned tail and ran like hell. This probably shouldn't have been a surprise to Dipper, but the action caught him off guard anyhow. "You… You're not supposed to run! You're supposed to admit defeat and hand over the idol!"

"You really are just a kid, aren't you?!" Hasso cackled behind him, as Dipper gave chase. "It stinks when reality doesn't conform to your expectations doesn't it?! That treasure will be mine!"

Hasso moved pretty well for a larger man, Dipper had to give him credit there. Still, he'd normally be able to overtake Hasso rather quickly. If Dipper had a strength anywhere near close to his intelligence, it was speed and endurance. These weren't normal circumstances, however. He was pursing Hasso through cramped corridors, booby-trapped corridors, inside of a ruined temple that was caving in on itself in even its sturdier areas. Chasing down Hasso wouldn't be as simple as Dipper would like, as he had to watch his feet, and occasionally his head.

"Stop being so reckless! You could spring one of those traps and get us both killed!"

"Perhaps, but luck has always been a friend of mine young man! I'll take my chances! Hopefully, they'll just kill you!"

Turns out that luck wasn't totally on Hasso's side that day. He didn't spring a trap fortunately, but instead just tripped over his own feet and went sliding into the stone wall. Before his face could smash against it, he held out his hand to protect his precious visage, inadvertently pressing a loose stone that opened a hidden compartment in the wall. He promptly slid down it like he weas falling down a laundry shoot, screaming all the way. Dipper shook his head in disbelief before casually pressing the same loose stone Hasso had and jumped in after him.

Dipper struggled not to lose his lunch as he slid quickly down the shaft, deeper into the temple complex. Once he was finally spat out of the wall, he was thankful to land on something soft. Turns out that something was writhing around erratically, and none too happy about being used as a crash cushion.

"Would you get off of me you insufferable brat!"

"Right… Because its not like I was chasing you or anything," Dipper quipped, as he complied anyway, but quickly yanked Hasso up by the collar of his robe before he could run off again. Dipper then held his hand out towards the suddenly nervous looking merchant. "Hand over the statue Hasso!"

"But… We don't even know where…" Hasso's words caught in his throat, as his eyes lit up in amazement.

"What are you gawking…" Dipper's eyes answered that question for him. Where the pair had ended up was in another narrow corridor, the likes of which seemed to dominate the architecture of this temple complex. More specifically, at the end of one, standing in front of a glistening golden carving of the head of a jaguar type creature, etched right into the temple wall. It hovered just a foot or two above an alter like structure. "This is it… The idol chamber…"

"What?!" Hasso squawked in disbelief, breaking out of his trance. "Don't be absurd boy, it's much too small! Where's all the treasure hiding?!"

Dipper sighed as he eyeballed the greedy conniving man. "What exactly were you expecting to find Hasso?"

"Gold! Precious jewels! Rooms lined with treasure, or at least a chest full of valuables or something! Not some ancient piece of tribal art I'd have to chisel out of the wall to even sell!"

"So basically… Instead of researching what you were actually searching for before you started stealing precious artifacts from local villagers, you just heard the word 'treasure' and filled in the blanks for yourself?!"

"Well… What other kind of treasure is there?!"

"Different things have value to people for differen't reasons… One man's piece of junk is another man's ticket home… Now, would you please give me the statue! As fun as it might be taking it from you, I'd like to get the hell out of this temple before it collapses on itself!"

Hasso grunted in disgust before finally relenting. He removed the idol from his satchel and forcefully shoved it into Dipper's chest. If there were no valuables involved, the statue was now little more to him than a piece of native junk. "Fine, take the blasted thing! Absolute waste of my precious time!"

Dipper ignored Hasso's bellyaching and walked up to the altar. There were two pressure plates underneath the golden Jaguar head. Both had differen't symbols etched into the top off them. Dipper smiled, as he recognized the symbol he'd seen depicted all over the local village and placed the statue on top of it. Immediately, he heard something click and then watched as the mouth of the Jaguar slowly began to open. Dipper was almost shaking with anticipation as he waited for the mouth to fully unhinge. He needed to get up on his tiptoes to look inside, but once he peered within he found… Nothing. Absolutely nothing…

"It's gone! It… It can't be! It has to be here!"

"Well, at least I'm not the only person to receive nothing but disappointment out of this little venture!" Hasso mocked, though he was caught by surprise at just how defeated the boy looked as he staggered away from the altar. The merchant's attention shifted to the visible pressure plate, and Hasso reacted in the only logical way his brain would allow. "Hey, perhaps we'll find something of value if we try the other button!"

"No don't!" Dipper panicked, but it was too late. Hasso had already slid the idol over top the other pressure plate. He looked behind him wondering what the fuss was all about. "Why are you acting so jumpy? What harm could it do to…"

Hasso was interrupted by what sounded suspiciously like the ceiling shaking. Dipper angrily grabbed the idol off of the altar before glaring at the portly merchant. "Because the other plate was booby-trapped!"

"Ewe…" Hasso sweat-dropped as small chunks of rock began to fall at their feet.

"Damn it, run!" Dipper ordered, as he grabbed Hasso by the collar of his robe again and started to haul ass. No sooner then his feet got moving did the ceiling begin collapsing, racing the pair down the corridor as they just barely managed to stay a step ahead of getting buried.

"Oh, good heavens! We'll be crushed!"

"Not if you get your fat ass moving we won't!" Dipper growled, briefly fighting back the thought of just letting the sleazy merchant go and allow fate to decide what to do with him. That's not the way Dipper Pines did things though… While moving as fast as his feet could carry him, with his excess baggage, he noticed an opening in the ground ahead… Or technically, just a hole in the floor. "Get ready to drop!"

"What do you mean by?..." Then Hasso saw the hole, realized what Dipper intended to do, and about had a panic attack. "Are you insane?! You don't know how deep that goes!"

"It's risk going splat or get squished, take your pick!" Dipper didn't actually give Hasso a choice. He'd already jumped down the opening in the ground, dragging Hasso along with him. The two had disappeared just in time, just as large chunks of stone crashed down, completely covering up the opening the ground.

Hasso screamed as he free-fell into the darkness. His miserable narcissistic life flashed before his eyes as he tried flapping his arms as if he could fly. He feared death would truly catch up to him that day as the hard Earth below came into view. He closed his eyes and braced for impact… Only to open them and find he'd stopped, his face just a couple of feet from the ground. Just above him, Dipper was barely hanging onto him by the belt of his robe, his other hand gripping the handle of his grappling hook.

"If I ever make it back home… I gotta remember… Never to tell Mabel how useful this damn thing has actually been in this dimension…" Realizing they were now safe, and thankfully no falling debris had followed them down the hole it appeared, Dipper let go of Hasso, taking mild satisfaction in hearing the creep squeal as he landed face first on the stone paved ground.

"You could've killed me you miserable little!" Hasso had jumped up and noticed the precarious position Dipper was in. Seizing on the opportunity, Hasso giggled with glee as he ran off into the darkness of the temple's sub-level.

"Hey, get back here!" The moments lapse in concentration was enough for Dipper to fudge up retracting the grappling hook, causing Dipper to stumble backward awkwardly and land ungracefully on his head. He sat up quickly, both arms clenching the top of his aching skull. "Damn it Hasso!"

Dipper shook off potential brain damage, placed his hat back atop his head, and briefly started to chase after Hasso when he realized something… There was no treasure… He had the idol… There was no reason to keep pursuing the man. Dipper smirked and casually walked off in the opposite direction. He wasn't sure where Hasso was going, but Dipper was smart enough to know that if he wanted to get out of that ruined temple, he needed to follow the direction of the sunlight. "How many levels does this temple have?"

Just outside the entrance of the temple, the mouth of a large stone face, four orcs stood guard impatiently. The sounds of what sounded like a portion of the temple collapsing concerned them. They couldn't get paid if the weasel got flattened. "It's been too long! Maybe we should go inside and look for 'em."

"Nah, boss ordered us to wait out here and make sure that Pines kid doesn't show up and follow him inside…"

Before anyone else could argue, the group was interrupted by a voice coming from behind a thick thicket of trees. "Well now, isn't this a coincidence…" The orcs attention now shifted to the jungle at their backs, and they watched as a young Andorran with dusty blonde hair emerged from the sea of green. His eyes shifted upward, just barely, to acknowledge them. "Funny thing is, I was told to hang out here and make sure nobody followed Dipper inside other than that sleazy clown. I'm afraid you guys are just gona have to be patient."

"Are we now?" said the largest of the Orcs, a sort of smug grin on his face. "And you're gona stop us if I decide I'm tired of waiting?"

"Careful…" said one of his friends, who appeared much more wary. "That's Takura… The guy who killed the Emperor…"

If his leader was impressed he didn't show is. "Well, is that so?… Maybe bashing his skull in will turn out to be fun then?"

"Oh, I certainly hope so," Takura smirked. "Go ahead and try…"

It took Dipper a while, but he eventually found his way back to the entrance of the temple, thankfully without what was left of the structure trying to kill him. His relief to see daylight was partially replaced with confusion when he found four unconscious Orcs surrounding the temple mouth. He quickly found Takura standing nearby lounging against a tree, hands behind his head. "Had some fun I see?"

"Not in particular," Takura sighed, as he moved towards Dipper. "Kind of boring actually… I was kind of disappointed at how easy they went down… Did you find the totem?"

Dipper shook his head solemnly. "I was too late… The totem was already gone. Somebody must've already been through here and taken it."

"Damn…" Takura said, a hint of sympathy in his voice despite his otherwise stoic appearance. He understood how disappointed Dipper must've been. "I know this won't provide much solace, I know you thought you were on the doorstep of returning home, but this might not be the end of the road yet… The totem that was hidden in this temple might've been the one we picked up from that merchant a few years ago."

"I did consider that, but I'm not going to lie… My disappointment dampened any thoughts I might've had that would've been the slightest bit positive… But yeah, I still have that last puzzle left to decode. It has to be the final piece of the puzzle… I've gotta believe it is…"

"I know it's not what you guys wanted… Hell, if everything broke the right way today, you two might've been on your way home before sunset… It's a setback, but it's not the end… No worth giving up, that's for sure."

"Yeah…" Dipper allowed a subdued smile to cross his lips. "We've worked too hard to let one setback put me down… So what if it takes another month or two! As long as I find my way back to my home dimension, that's all that matters. I just hate the thought of breaking the news to the Captain…"

"Speaking of whom, we should probably meet up with her soon… I'm kind of surprised she hasn't stormed over here already wondering what the hell was taking us so long."

The two young men did just that, and though Dipper tried not to let it show, his heart was heavy with disappointment. Takura would occasionally shoot a concerned glance his friend's way, not uneasy at all considering Dipper was paying very little attention to anything other than what could've been. Takura felt like he should say something encouraging or supportive, however, emotional support was not Takura's specialty. Other than Captain Corduroy, Dipper was the first real friend Takura really ever had, so the proper etiquette in these situations did tend to allude him. The soldier in him wanted to tell Dipper to suck it up. The battle may have been lost, but winning the war was still within their grasp.

That was the problem though, he may have been a life-long solider, but Dipper couldn't have been more opposite. While training Dipper how to survive in the harsh Andorran wilderness after he'd first arrived, it took less than 24 hours for Takura to realize Dipper was never going to be a fighter. The boy just didn't have that mentality. He did have decent survival instincts, however, and decent endurance and speed so Takura decided to focus on and hopefully maximize those. Dipper wasn't going to win any fist fights with a competent fighter, but his intellect and instincts would normally put him at an advantage before the first punch was even thrown. At the very least now, Dipper could throw a punch or two and make sure the other guy felt it.

The boys had walked half a mile from the temple, when a cart being dragged by a pair of antelope horses came speeding to a stop in front of them. "There you boys are!" shouted the cheerful redhead atop the cart as she fought with her steads to settle down. "Mission accomplished I take it?"

Takura deferred to Dipper, who was trying to appear positive, but his weak smile failed him. "Well, I'd call it more win/lose. I got the statue back for the local villagers, so that's the good news… Bad news is, the totem was already gone… Somebody beat us to it, so it looks like we might have to put off the welcome home parade."

"Awe shucks…" Tracey took all of three seconds to mourn before smiling brightly. "Well, there was bound to be a setback eventually! We'll just have to try extra hard now to find that last totem won't we?"

"You're being surprisingly cool with this Captain… You'd been waiting all these years to find a way back home, so I thought you'd be more disappointed than I was."

"Yeah, it's a bummer for sure, but the less time we spend feeling disappointed and sorry for ourselves, we could be applyin' that energy towards findin' that last totem!"

"That's…" Dipper's smile was genuine this time around. "A great way of looking at it…"

"It's the only way to look at it Dip! Now, you two were subtle in gettin' that statue thingy back from blubber ball weren't ya? Remember, we're tryin' to draw as little attention to ourselves as possible…"

"Of course we were!" Dipper bragged, as he placed his elbow upon Takura's shoulder. Both were now around the same height, Takura with a slight edge. "We were the very picture of subtlety!"

No sooner had he spoke those words did they hear a massive rumble emanating from behind them. Dipper and Takura looked back just in time to see the face-shaped temple complex completely collapse. Both boys sweat-dropped as they admired the carnage form a distance. "Did we do that?"

"Whose we? I never went inside… Whatever damage you left in your wake is all on you…"

"Subtle huh?…" Tracey complained. "You two are about as subtle as a Tornado in a trailer park! Just hop in the cart already… The villagers should be happy to get their little knick-knack back."

The boys complied, though Dipper took one last worried glance towards the ruined temple. "I wonder if Hasso and his goon got out in time?"

"Well, you at look Dipper. Droppin' an entire building on your adversary's head!" Tracey joked as she urged her uh… Horsealopes to get moving. "Gettin' a bit of a ruthless streak in ya are we?"

"We don't know that for sure! And if it did happen, it's wasn't intentional… It's not like I've been running around this dimension destroying temples left and right…"

Takura smirked ever so slightly. "That a bet you really want to make? This isn't even the first…"

"One other time! And that was coincidental too! How was I supposed to know the magic guarding the totem was the only thing keeping the building standing?…"

"You couldn't, so don't sweat it! We're just messin' with ya anyhow! I'm sure the slimly cockroach found a way to wriggle out of danger… Not that I give a squirrel turd mind ya, after all the grief he's given us the last couple of weeks. Let's just worry about givin' these villagers their piece of mind back?"

Thirty minutes later, the trio arrived at a small village whose ancestors once built the stone deathtrap Dipper might have possibly, accidently destroyed. A strange little place that fascinated Dipper's curiosity. The villagers acted normal, or what qualified for normal in Andorra, if not slightly more superstitious then some of the other locals he'd met. This was despite their culture and architecture resembling tribal Africa, while their mythology and skin-tone tended to remind Dipper more of ancient Mezzo-American cultures.

The local chieftain, who'd been waiting anxiously for their return, looked hopeful as the cart drove up to him. He could hardly wait for the three to disembark before he asked. "Do did you find him? Did you bring Alwa back to us?"

Smiling, Dipper took off his backpack and carefully removed something concealed by a wadded-up towel. He slowly unwrapped the object, revealing the village's precious artifact. The chieftain's eyes lit up in absolute relief. "Here you are Chief. Safe and sound, just like we promised."

"I cannot thank you enough for your kindness! I dread the furry of drought and famine Alwa would've inflicted upon us if his idol was removed from it's rightful resting place for too long."

"Well thankfully, now you won't have to worry." Dipper was opened-minded to the super-natural, understatement of the century, but he had his doubts there was any truth to this curse business the locals were so concerned over. The important thing was, they believed in their folklore whole-heartedly, and Dipper respected that. If they thought this statue of their God Alwa needed to be at its shrine at all times to avoid disaster, at the very least they could give these villagers that piece of mind.

"I'm afraid we don't have much to offer you in the form of compensation," the Chief lamented. "Name your desire and we'll try our best to fulfill it."

Shaking his head, Dipper dismissed the Chief's concern with a wave of his arm. "No worries Chief. We just wanted to help out, so we didn't bring back that statue expecting to get rewarded."

"Especially when the folks we're tryin' to help out can't afford it… We're well aware of the toll the war has taken on everyone… Even small, isolated villages like this one."

"You three truly are remarkable… I had a feeling this might happen, but I'm afraid it's not that simple. You helped save our village, so now we are honor-bound to fulfill our debt to you. If you're not interested in valuables, perhaps you'll accept something more symbolic." The Chief looked to his right and clapped his hands. Almost immediately, three children came rushing towards them, carrying something swaddled in a blanket like material. "This trophy has been passed from person to person here in the village for decades… Usually to honor a great feat of bravery or sacrifice from a member of our tribe. You may be outsiders, but I can't think of more suitable candidates to pass this honor on too."

Dipper appeared reluctant, but he didn't want to risk offending the locals by disrespecting their traditions. With a smile, he knelt down to get to eye-level with the bubbly kids who presented dipper with the blanket. Dipper gently removed the cloth packaging, not wanting to break whatever was wrapped up in there. His eyes went wide with disbelief once they first laid their sights upon what the villagers had gifted him.

"I take it you approve?" The Chief stated proudly.

Taking a moment to recover, Dipper jumped to his feet and bowed to the Chief. "Thank you so much sir! I humbly accept this gift! It means more to me than you could imagine!"

Takura and Tracey had wandered off towards the cart, preparing to leave when they noticed Dipper was accepting something from the village Chief and looked awfully excited about it. "What's he doing? Wasn't it his idea to do jobs like this for free in the first place?"

"Yup. Some of the folks around here have really strong traditions though, so maybe he feels obligated to accept their offering… Or maybe the reward was so good this time even he couldn't turn it down!"

Takura wasn't so sure about that, but the grin plastered all over Dipper's face as he approached them was extremely suspicious. "Okay, you're way too excited. What the hell did those kids give you?"

"Well, why don't you two take a look for yourselves! You won't believe it until you see it with your own eyes!" Dipper held out his hand, and in his palm rested a familiar bird-like totem… An exact replica of the six others the trio had in their possession.

"No, it can't be!" Tracey almost whimpered, eyes wide and glimmering in disbelief. "The last totem… It was hidin' in this village the entire time!"

"It sure was… It makes sense when you think about it! Apparently, a few decades ago when an explorer from this village ventured into that same temple we just visited, when he found that statue of Alwa, he found this too… The village Chief at the time let him keep the totem as a symbol of his bravery, and it's kind of become a tradition to pass this little beauty along anytime a village local performs a tremendous act of bravery. Apparently, returning the idol of their god to them qualifies!"

"So, that means…" Takura asked, though he already knew the answer.

"Exactly what you think it means." Dipper smiled proudly as he held the totem out for them all to take a good long look. "Captain Corduroy, we finally get to go home!"

The trio wasted little time and eventually found a rare, quiet clearing in the jungle to perform the next steps needed… Granted that was if Dipper had interrupted his Grunkle's writings correctly. They'd arranged the totems in a large circle, each twelve feet apart and equipped with one of Andorra's electrically charged crystals. All that was left to do now was read the words Dipper prayed to the heavens he had translated correctly, stand in the middle of the circle, and the incantation should open them a portal home… Well, technically the journal stated it would transport them to a place of the chanter's choosing regardless of the bounds of time and space. There was no doubt in Dipper's mind where he wanted to go.

"So, do we have everything we plan to take with us?" Dipper asked. "I'm got my backpack, some of those crystals for the grappling gun… A bag full of as much of the gold coins we've accumulated on our journey as I could stuff into it… I mean, I don't exactly have a chemistry set available to me in this dimension to test it, but the gold in Andorra seems to be fairly consistent with the gold back on Earth. Gotta be worth something right?"

"Worth a try, that's for sure," Tracey agreed. "I'm set… Came into this dimension with nothin', haven't found anything here I'd want to take back with me… Well except…" Tracey looked over at Takura who was purposely standing further back from the homeward bound humans. "You still hung up on not coming home with us Takura? As far as I'm concerned, your family, so as long as I'm around, you have a home on Earth."

"I don't think so…" Takura replied stubbornly. "I feel like I belong here… I mean, what if it didn't work out? You admitted yourself Dipper, if I chose to go with you guys, I'd never be able to come back home…"

"Is this place your home though Takura?" Dipper asked as he approached him, Tracey not far behind. "Home isn't necessarily so much a place as somewhere you feel you belong. Even though I only spent a few summers in Gravity Falls, I always felt like that town was my home. It was where my heart was, and that was mostly because of the people I got to know there. What exactly is there left for you here once we're gone Takura?"

"I'm sure I'll find something… Somewhere… If the past two years have showed us anything, there's no shortage of people in Andorra that need help…"

"And you can't be expected to help 'em all." Tracey rested a hand atop of his shoulder. "You've spent most of your life fighting a war for those people, and even overthrew a monstrous dictator for them! Even during that time, you spent most of your days with me, and these past two years helpin' me and Dipper here find these totems so we can finally go back to our dimension.. Let's face it, you've spent more time with us Earthlings than you have other Andorrans! If anybody's your people, it's us."

Takura was conflicted and it showed in his face in a rare display of something other than stoic indifference. It's not like he never considered letting himself get talked into going to Earth with them, but he'd usually manage to convince himself that something about that idea felt wrong. Just like seeing Tracey and Dipper stuck in Andorra felt unnatural, wouldn't the same apply to him on Earth? He just never could get passed the idea that something about traveling to another dimension, with no way to get back home if he wanted too, just felt wrong. Even if that meant he'd be wandering the jungles of Andorra with no real place to go… Sleeping in caves, living off what scraps he could come by, and dodging what was left of the weakened but still persistent Argonian coalition, that was none too discreetly out for his blood. Wait, what was he trying to talk himself out of again?

"Tell ya what… There's no need to decide right this second, so why don't we sleep on it?!" Tracey suggested. "I've waited this long, one more night ain't gona kill me! What do you think Dipper?"

"Well uh…" Dipper was reluctant to wait, but he understood what Tracey was trying to do. Takura had been a mentor to him, and eventually became a good friend… And even if that wasn't the case, he was someone Dipper cared about enough that he didn't want Takura to be stuck by himself in this wild unforgiving land. "Sure we can sleep on it. I'll start setting up the tents."

"Guys… There's no reason to do this. You're not going to convince me to go with you… If you two decide to camp out tonight, you're very likely to find a missing bedroll when you wake up."

"Then we'll have our answer then won't we?" Tracey said, holding a bedroll in her arms. "It's worth a shot if we can manage to break through that blasted stubborn streak of yours. Now, are you goin' to help, or are ya content to just watch us?"

Takura watched, but he wasn't content. In fact, he felt immensely guilty, unsure of why, and not really equipped to handle such emotions. He wasn't sure why he was still fighting it. "Alright! I'll go! Just stop it with the tents alright! There's no reason for you guys to put off going home any longer! I don't know why you're so determined to take me but…"

Tracey and Dipper smiled at each other, and then over to Takura. "You sure this is what you want son? I don't want to feel like we're forcin' ya to do something you really don't want to do…"

"No, I'm not sure! But… I can't come up with many good reasons to stay behind… Other than the whole Werewolf thing… My kind might be frowned upon here on Andorra, but at least the people are semi-used to us. From what you two have told me though, there's no one else on Earth quite like me… You don't think that's going to be an issue with me fitting in?"

"Takura hon, back where I'm from, you would barely make the top ten for weird things running around that valley… You'll be right at home in Gravity Falls, trust me on that."

Dipper walked up to Takura looking uncharacteristically serious. He stared the other young man straight in the eyes. "You're positive about this? No backing out at the last second?"

"No… I've already agreed, so I'm honor bound to keep my word. I just hope I don't live to regret it…"

"You won't," Dipper said with a reassuring smile. "And for the record… I'm really glad you decided to come with us. Leaving you behind was an option neither the Captain nor I was very fond of."

Takura simply nodded his head in response.

So again, the camping gear was put away, and now all three found themselves in the middle of the circle of Totems. Dipper flipped to the very end of his Grunkle's journal, the page where he'd scribbled the words he needed to recite in order to open the portal… Assuming he'd translated Ford's writing's correctly. The words made no logical sense to him, so that either meant they were part of some ancient language native to Andorra or… He'd completely fucked up the translation and was about to look like a total doofus.

"Okay… Here goes nothing!" Dipper took a deep breath and began reciting the bizarre series of words to the best of his ability. "Bah… Weep… Granah… Na…Weep… Ninni-bong… Klaatu… Barada… Nikto… Habeas… Corpus!"

"I don't think anything's happenin'," Tracey worried, but no sooner had those words left her lips did the ground begin to shake slightly. Both Tracey and Takura looked down as what appeared to be little electric sparks began to sputter around their feet. They watched in awe as the trio was completely enveloped in a blue dome of pure energy. Nothing else of note happened right way, leaving them wondering what was going to happen next, when the dome appeared to begin collapsing down on them violently. They braced themselves as if they thought they'd be crushed, only for the energy of that dome to pass right through them and into the ground, creating a head-splitting whipping sound that left their ears ringing.

"That… Was not what I was expecting…" Dipper moaned as he tried to regain his composure. The ringing in his ears made it difficult to see, but when his eyes came back into focus, his jaw nearly hit the ground.

"Is everybody alright?" Tracey asked, but the answer would have to wait. She saw exactly what Dipper had seen. They were no longer standing in the middle of an endless jungle, but a very differen't sea of green. A field of green grass, and an army of pine and other related trees stretching as far as the eye could see. Not to mention the very revealing water tower just above their heads.

"Did it work?" Takura asked, his attention quickly drawn to the water tower with the words Gravity Falls on it. "Well, I guess that answers my question." He turned towards Dipper and Tracey to speak, only to pause briefly before smirking ever so slightly at the awed looks of disbelief on their faces. This was their moment, no need for him to interrupt it.

"I'm home…" Tracey didn't need the water tower to tell her that. She knew ever inch of this area, she'd spent most of her life there after all. With tears in her eyes and an overwhelmed smile, she looked over at Dipper who was having a very similarly joyous reaction, bordering on overwhelming. Feeling Tracey's eyes on him, he looked over to her and nodded. "You wily little polecat, you did it! You got us home!"

Tracey seized Dipper in a bone crushing hug and spun him around, Dipper laughing through the pain, his face slightly red when Tracey finally put him back down. "It wasn't just me… Without you two helping me find those totems, we wouldn't be standing here right now… This was always a team effort."

Tracey put an arm around Dipper's shoulders and peered contently into the horizon… Specifically, in the direction of the Corduroy home. "After all these years… I'll finally get to see my family again… All grown up, but at least I'm here."

Dipper winced as Tracey ended that comment. "You still want my help reintroducing yourself right? To prepare your family and explain what's happened before you drop in on them with no warning?"

"If you'd be so kind… I hate to admit this, but I'm a touch afraid to face them on my own… They've thought me cold in the ground for so long… Don't think I'd half blame 'em if they thought I was tryin' to pull the wool over their eyes, or feel like I abandoned them…"

"Hey, I'm happy to help… And judging from the way I remember they'd talk about you, I don't think you have anything to worry about…" Well, maybe they did have something to worry about. Dipper took his first good look at the water tower… And something was off.

"Something wrong kid? You got awful quiet on me all of the sudden!"

"Something's not right… Does anything about the water tower look different to you?"

"Not at all! Looks the same as the last time I saw it before I got kidnapped by the Dorito."

"Well, that's the problem… It does look differen't to me." With a stern gleam in his eyes, he looked up at a confused looking Tracey and explained. "Two summers back, my sister and I found ourselves in a situation, one that may have involved your daughter, that might've kind of resulted in the water tower being destroyed… The town rebuilt it rather quickly, but they painted the tower a light-blue…" Dipper walked around to the back of the tower and sighed as reality set in. "It even still has Robbie's stupid muffin…"

Walking up next to him and cocking an eyebrow, Takura asked. "So, what does that mean?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I have a bad feeling… Captain, can you show us the quickest way to get to town?"

"Sure… Just as soon as you explain what the problem seems to be! You got me all on edge here..."

"I'll explain, I just need to make sure my hunch is correct first… And as much as I hate to ask, could you two try to stay out of anybody's sight until I confirm my suspicions?"

With a reluctant groan, Tracey agreed. "Alright, but this better be good kid."

True to her word, Tracey quickly led them into town. Dipper asked Tracey and Takura to wait for him in the woods while he raced into town near one of the local convenience stores. He found what he was looking for, one of those free newspaper dispensing machines. He opened up the lid and claimed one of the few remaining papers inside… Right there on the cover, his fears were confirmed.

"The plant-life on Earth is interesting…" Takura marveled as he studied his surroundings. While he was accustomed to tall trees and lots of wildlife, he'd never quite laid his eyes on anything like this. He was itching to investigate further.

"Yeah, Earth's a bit more diverse than Andorra was ecosystem wise," Tracey answered distantly, anxiously awaiting Dipper's return. He'd arrive soon after, holding a newspaper under his arm. "There you are! So, care to explain to us what you think went wrong? Are we in Gravity Falls in the wrong dimension or something?"

"No, we're definitely in our version of Gravity Falls…" He showed Tracey the newspaper and the date on the frontpage. "The problem is, we're in Gravity Falls five years in the past…"

End Chapter

-I sincerely apologize for the 'magic words' Dipper spouted to activate the portal… I promised myself I wouldn't make a joke out of it, but sometimes I can't help myself. It was more fun than just making meaningless crap up anyway. So, the next chapter, maybe two, will be the obligatory time travel section of the story… And likely the last time I touch on this subject. The rules for time travel are extremely touchy, potentially damning, and just overall kind of confining… Which means I'm very likely to urinate all over those rules. I do have good reasons to put myself through this, however.

-If you haven't already guessed what film the title to this chapter is referencing, please get off of YouTube for a couple of hours and watch some actual TV. All joking aside, I included the reference mostly due to various jokes and references comparing Dipper to Indiana Jones. (What episode did they straight up have him dress like him?... Ack, can't remember and too lazy to look it up) I even originally considered using a giant boulder rather than having the ceiling collapse in on Dipper and Hasso, but decided that was just too much. When I think of adult Dipper, I don't see Indiana Jones though, I see Josh Gates. For those of you with no idea who that is, he's a charming dork whose spent the past two decades hosting various television shows dedicated to hunting for monsters, ghosts, and investigating other assorted mysteries in typically exotic locations. (Sound familiar?) Seriously, I think he's the Discovery Channel's mascot now. This information really has nothing to do with the story, but for some reason, he's who I think of when I try to imagine Dipper grown up.

-If anybody reading this has any idea what 'Nilbog' was a reference too, congratulations for being as big a dork as I am.