"Finn! Finn, where are you?! Finn!"
The cold was unending.
Catra felt the icy wind crash against her face, causing her to squint and wince away. Snow gathered in her hair and clothes, and the howling wind drowned out her words. But she continued to push through it all, crossing her arms and holding them close.
Catra couldn't get it out of her head. Why did Finn run away? They had never done this before. They didn't seem to have any intention of doing so beforehand. Catra wondered where she went wrong. What would Adora think of this?
Then again, it reminded Catra of how much she used to run away from Shadow Weaver all the time.
Another blast of wind. Shadow Weaver was still stuck in Catra's mind. Catra had to run away often to save her own mental health and her own sanity. Maybe Finn had to do the same. Maybe Finn just wanted some time alone to be happy.
Catra felt a cold chill in her heart. Her own child running away. It had to make her as bad as Shadow Weaver. There was no doubt about it. She felt like a terrible parent. A terrible person.
"Finn!" She called out, the words smothered by the snow. She could barely see a few feet ahead of herself. Some silhouettes of buildings could be made out, but other than that, Catra had no idea where she was. She didn't even know if she was heading in the right direction. She had nothing to go off of, instead of going towards the ice lake from yesterday.
Catra's lips shuddered from the cold. Another blast of wind forced her down onto her knees, and she placed her hand in the snow, making the cotton gloves she was wearing damp. This only served to freeze her hand even more.
She quickly took off her wet gloves, discarding them in favor of tucking her hands underneath her armpits. The tips of her fingers were becoming more and more pale. The cold was getting to her. She had no idea how long she'd been out here for.
If she was struggling in this cold, how would Finn feel? They were only five. The thought of it all scared Catra even more. How was Finn handling this? What if they were freezing? What if they were already…
No. No, no, no. Catra refused to give in to that idea. She pushed forward, even when her legs felt like they were going to snap off. Each step was taken in deep snow that covered her feet and ankles entirely, making it exhausting to even walk.
But as she took one more step, she suddenly felt something hard beneath her feet. She fell forward, tripping on an object in the ground and landing face first in the snow beneath herself. She leaned back up, spitting snow out of her mouth and wiping it from her face.
And when Catra looked back at the object she tripped on, she saw it was a toy plane, half-buried in the snow.
Her eyes widened. At first, she thought it was just a coincidence. There was no way. She didn't want to believe it at all.
But there was no denying the fact. This was Finn's toy plane. The same one she purchased yesterday. The same one they flew throughout the train station. The same one they held onto throughout the train ride here.
Catra slowly reached out, grabbing hold of the plane. She pulled it out of the snow. She could barely stand. She had crumbled to her knees, holding the toy in her hand and looking down at it with shock and misery.
She was lost. Completely and utterly lost. All that surrounded her was fog and snow. Endless amounts of snow. Finn used to hold this toy so tightly. They never wanted to let go of it. It was precious to them. So the only reason they would drop it…
Catra fought back against the idea. She had to. No parent should have ever wanted that idea in their head. She held the toy plane close to her chest, and her wobbling lips soon turned into quiet sobs. "Finn…" Catra whimpered, her voice breaking.
The tears she shed froze, and stuck to her cheeks and chin.
Everything felt cold.
She looked at her now purple fingertips. They felt numb. Her quivering lips felt natural now. The endless snow began to cover her as she hugged the toy close and closed her eyes. She didn't even know if she could make it back home or anywhere at this rate. She had no sense of direction. No purpose.
In that moment, she could've accepted it. That this was a consequence of her failure as a parent. That the things Shadow Weaver did to her would always be passed down. That Alex was right and her having a child was illogical and immoral.
She could've accepted it. The end. And on any other day, she would've. Her self-loathing would've consumed her heart and literally left her for dead. And she would've been completely okay with that. Dying right here. She would've accepted it.
But today was different.
She still had no sight of Finn. And this toy meant they might be close. Catra opened her eyes before they froze over, and wiped the stains of tears off her cheeks. She refused to give in to misery. She refused to give up and die, even if that was the easiest option.
She wasn't stopping until she found Finn, one way or another.
She was a mother. And she had to protect her child.
She gripped the toy plane tight and continued to push forward. She kept moving forward. One step after the other. Even when the wind and snow and her own mind beat her down, she looked them in the eye and kept moving forward.
She had made a promise. To Adora. To Double Trouble. To herself. A promise that she would become better. She would try harder. She would stand. She would walk. She would run. Because until she found Finn, she refused to give in.
Catra looked death in the eye, and she said no. Not today.
And as she moved forward, the snowstorm slowly began to die down. Second by second, the howling wind finally grew softer and softer. The snow no longer hurt Catra's eyes. And she slowly felt like she could walk and not have to fight nature itself.
And eventually, the sun began to pierce through the dark clouds.
The steep hill almost killed Catra's legs, but she continued to climb.
The clouds had slowly parted and revealed a deep, blue sky. The sun shining directly onto the land as the storm finally began to pass. The snow melting under the sudden heat made it easier to walk through, and eventually, Catra saw her hands began to gain color once again.
She had no idea how far away from home she was, or how close Finn would be. But she kept walking. She had to get over this steep hill. At best, she could try and inform the head of the town about a missing child. But Catra hoped it didn't have to come to that.
The grass slowly began to reveal itself from underneath the snow. Only in bits and pieces. Gentle snow still streamed down, but at a more comfortable rate, and it was no match for the heat of the sun. Most of the flakes melted once they hit the ground.
Catra looked up to see the top of the hill within reach. She took a few more painful, agonizing steps. Her thighs felt like they were on fire, and the cramps that came with it almost caused her to fall and roll back down the hill.
But she continued to push forward.
And as she ascended the top of the hill, she was greeted with a sight like no other.
A field sprawled out before her, mostly covered in white blots of snow. In the distance, mountains curved up and down with the tips covered in that same snow. A blue lake streamed through the middle of the field, the water freshly melted from its icy state. And occasionally, small patches of grass could be found underneath the snow, with flowers springing forth.
To the right, a log cabin comfortably rested before the view. Smoke breathing out from the chimney. A front porch that one could stand in and listen to the sounds of the river. The river spoke to the snow, and the sky. They all danced together under the new sunlight.
And among the snowy fields were two figures. One tall and one small. Both of them working on building a couple of snowmen.
Catra slowly wandered back down the hill and towards the figures, getting a closer look at the two people. She squinted her eyes at the smaller figure. Their golden hair. Their small frame. It didn't take long for Catra to figure out who it was.
"Finn!"
She called out, and Finn looked over. Along with them, the taller figure also looked up. The two figures then glanced at each other. Finn seemed timid. Confused. Unsure of how to respond. But the taller figure smiled down at them, and spoke a few words, before standing and heading towards Catra's direction.
Catra wondered who this person was. She wondered if they were a danger to Finn. They climbed up the hill, getting closer to Catra, but the gentle smile on their face never left. "You are their mother, I assume?" The person asked.
"… Yeah. Catra," she nodded in response, glancing at Finn. They seemed fixated on building their sculptures.
"Oh… I know you. You were friends with my daughter," the figure spoke slowly, but in a soothing tone. "My name is Angella. I am Glimmer's mother."
Catra's eyes widened slightly at the convenience of it all. She took a second to look Angella up and down. She wore comfortable clothes for winter, including a puffy jacket, long pants and warm gloves. Her face was scattered with wrinkles, including noticeable crow's feet and smile lines. "I haven't seen Glimmer in a while," Catra responded. "Is she doing okay these days?"
"As far as I'm aware. She and Bow often explore the world together. Off to different places. She's home for Christmas occasionally, but… I suppose she's living her life to the fullest now. She's a strong woman," Angella smiled, looking up at the sky with an expression of pride, her eyes closed and her lips curved upwards.
"I… How did you find Finn? There was a snowstorm and…" Catra looked at them again. They seemed healthy. Almost normal.
"I was incredibly lucky," Angella said. "I often come to Mystacor at this time of year. The cool air feels nice on my skin. I was out shopping early in the morning, since I'm no good in crowds. My body is much too sore to keep up with the pace of it all during the midday. But as I was out, that storm suddenly dawned upon us. I was driving home through it when I saw them, laying on the ground. They were unconscious. I… I fear what may have happened if I hadn't happened upon them sooner."
"You saved them…" Catra spoke softly.
"They're strong. I took them back home to my cabin here and kept them as warm as I could. I figured they'd might catch a cold or worse, but it took only an hour until they came into my room asking if they could build something with the snow. I suppose that's youth. Nothing keeps them down," Angella smiled, looking back at Finn once more. "They've been talking about you a lot."
"Oh…" Catra responded. She looked at the floor. "I… Angella, I can't thank you enough. I should've been better. I should've been looking after them. I'm so sorry. Please, is there any way I can repay you? You saved their life and…"
Angella simply held up a hand, a smile on her face as she gently silenced Catra. "… Would you be interested in sharing a cup of warm cocoa with me? You must've been out in that dreadful storm for quite some time if you walked all the way here. I'm simply thankful I found Finn when I did, and I ask for no repayment. I just simply want to talk."
Catra looked at the older woman for a few seconds, and then at Finn once. She looked at the snow, and let out a soft sigh. "… Okay."
Angella smiled, and turned around to head back for the cabin. The anxiety in Catra's heart was festering as she wondered exactly what Finn told Angella. Was it bad? Good? Somewhere in between? Would Angella see her as a horrible person?
No answers would come. Not yet.
Catra entered the warm cabin, looking at the comfortable indoors. The wooden walls and creaking floorboards. The gentle roar of the fire that sent warmth throughout the home, and the kitchen of her dreams. It was almost like a cottage.
"This is a lovely place," Catra observed, taking a seat in the kitchen as Angella mixed together a hot cup of cocoa. She took a second to look out the window at Finn, who was putting in the finer details into the snowmen.
"Isn't it?" Angella replied, bringing over two mugs to the kitchen table. She placed one before Catra, the steam still rising from it. And yet, it wasn't blistering hot. It warmed Catra's hands, and the first sip tasted like marshmallows and honey. "I've been in retirement for a few years now, so I can visit this place more often. It's quiet. At night, I love to look at the stars and listen to the river. I've even been trying to teach myself violin. I played a bit for Finn. It seems like they're a fan of the music from John Denver."
"You played them country music? God help us all," Catra scoffed, taking another sip of the delicious cocoa. Angella looked at her for a few seconds, putting her hands around her own warm mug.
"… You've been crying. Haven't you?" Angella asked, noting Catra's puffy and tired eyes. Catra didn't even feel ashamed about it.
"I… I found a toy of theirs buried in the snow. It made me think something had gone wrong…" Catra admitted, looking at her hot, steaming drink. "I was… I was so scared to lose them. My own kid… I… It fucking terrified me."
"As it should any parent. Lord knows I freaked out when Glimmer used to sneak out without telling me," Angella said, thinking back to those times. "You had every right to feel upset. I told Finn that what they did wasn't very wise, and I think they already knew."
"They'll probably feel bad about it. I'll have to talk to them soon," Catra said. "But the thing is… I used to do the same. With my own mother. I ran away from her… A lot. I was always upset with her and angry and… I just couldn't stand to be around her for any longer than a week."
"Shadow Weaver, right?" Angella asked, and Catra nodded. "Finn told me she hurt you a lot."
"She…" Catra hesitated for a few seconds. She wondered what the right words to say were. But they were simple. There was only word to describe Shadow Weaver's treatment. "… She abused me."
"Oh, Catra…" Angella sighed, expressing her empathy.
"I… I always struggle with saying that word. Abuse. I mean… When people say abuse, it's usually hitting or… So many horrible things… But Shadow Weaver rarely laid a finger on me. She just… The things she said… The way she treated me…" Catra shuddered, and Angella put a hand over hers.
"It's alright. You don't have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable," Angella spoke in a soothing voice. Her wrinkly hand felt somewhat comforting. The touch of an actual mother, and not a monster.
"… I just… I feel like a faker when I say I've been abused. I don't have the bruises to prove it… but the scars are there. And yet, I know a lot of people would just tell me to suck it up. I had it better off than most victims. It… It just hurts. Because maybe they're right," Catra said.
"She emotionally and mentally hurt you. The fact that you're struggling to talk about this… It says a lot. And your experience isn't invalid. You went through what no child should ever have to go through. No person should ever have to go through… I always dreaded hurting Glimmer in any way. I cannot begin to imagine what kind of parent would believe that hurting their own child is okay…" Angella spoke with a soft hint of venom in her voice.
"That's the thing," Catra spoke up. "I'm… I'm scared of hurting Finn. Like how Shadow Weaver hurt me. I don't want my own child to grow up in an environment like that. And Adora is so wonderful… I thought that, if Finn grew attached to Adora and not me, it would spare them the hurt. That not knowing me… Would be safer. But… That just meant I became a stranger to them. And I think… I think that's what hurt them the most. This distance between us…"
Angella simply listens. She understands when someone needs to vent. She let Catra talk and let it out.
"And… I think that's why Finn ran. Because of the hurt I caused them… Fuck… I feel horrible. I was trying to avoid this, but… My fear led us to this situation. And they nearly died because of it. I… I can't believe myself. I can't…" Catra sighed. "I'm no better than Shadow Weaver."
A silence followed. Catra couldn't bring herself to look up. She didn't want to do anything. The nearly empty mug no longer warmed her hands. Maybe Angella agreed with her. Catra's self-loathing was justified, she felt.
"… I disagree."
Angella spoke after about twenty seconds. Catra looked up to see her face, with narrow eyebrows and a concerned gaze. "Now, yes… I do think your distancing from Finn is what caused this hurt. That's an unfortunate truth. You can't take it back. I know well enough that the past never changes…"
Catra looked at Finn once more.
"… However," Angella continued. "I disagree with your sentiment that you believe you are just as bad as Shadow Weaver. I only have a brief idea of your motherhood… But I find myself relating to you in many ways. Back when Glimmer was but a child and I was an anxious mess. Afraid of screwing up and hurting Glimmer in a way that I couldn't take back. Catra… Do you think Shadow Weaver was ever afraid of hurting you?"
"I…" Catra was taken aback a bit at the question. But eventually, she shook her head. "… No. She probably thought a little bit of hurt was a good thing."
"Already, this proves your difference. Catra, you just walked miles through a snowstorm. You carried Finn's toy all throughout it. You took them ice skating. I've been hearing about your attempts to really, truly bond with them. They can't stop raving about your pancakes and your ramen and your graduation video and your kind, understanding attitude. Finn has spoken so fondly of you. They smile when they talk about the things you've done together. Do you have any positive memories like that of you and Shadow Weaver?"
"Not at all," Catra replied, her voice hoarse.
"Catra." Angella put a hand over hers. "Look me in the eyes. I want you to listen to these words."
Catra looked up. She saw Angella's eyes. Years of wisdom, experience, mistakes, setbacks, pain, happiness, joy, love, beauty and life in those years. And she spoke.
"You are better than the one who abused you. You did not deserve what she did to you. You are so much stronger. You may have made mistakes… But you can rise, Catra. You can rise from the ashes. It's not too late. The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now. You have the opportunity to be greater. Because now, as a mother, it is up to you to give Finn the childhood that not only they deserve, but you deserved as well."
Catra stared with wide eyes into Angella's. "I…" She tried to respond, but no words came.
"It's alright. You don't need to respond. I just want you to reflect on those words. It is so incredibly easy to focus on the parts of yourself that you dislike. But I ask of you to instead view those parts of yourself that have made you happy. The parts that have made Finn happy," Angella said. "You may be surprised how many there are."
Angella took her hands away from Catra. "… Thank you…" Catra spoke, her voice whimpering a bit.
"I think you should go talk with Finn. I'll be practising my violin here in the meantime," Angella smiled, taking Catra's mug away. Catra looked up and out the window to see Finn smoothing out the last parts of the two snowmen.
A talk. It was what they needed.
Catra stood up, opening the door of the cabin and stepping out into the sunlight. It shined bright into her eyes, and she winced slightly, before fully embracing it. She stepped off the wooden porch outside the cabin, approaching Finn and their two snowmen.
It reminded Catra was Castle Mystacor. Of the many structures she had built, often in front of Shadow Weaver. And yet, she would never pay attention or compliment them. No matter how much work Catra put into the structures, Shadow Weaver barely spared them a glance.
But as Catra approached Finn, she spoke up. "Hey, kiddo. These are looking really, really good."
Finn smiled at the kind words.
"Thanks," they responded as Catra took a second to look at them from the front on. The taller snowman had bushy hair, a gentle smile, tired eyes and an apron. The smaller figure had similar hair, but a much brighter smile, and their eyes gazed up to the taller snowman. "It's us," Finn explained.
"You and me?" Catra asked.
"Uh-huh," Finn beamed, nodding. Catra looked at the figures for a few seconds, before looking down at Finn.
"You've got a lot of talent. I'm proud of you, Finn," Catra said, rubbing Finn's hair.
But before long, Catra eventually took a knee before Finn, coming face-to-face with them as she let out a sigh. Finn's smile faded as they realized what was going on. "… Am I in trouble?" They asked timidly.
"You're not. I promise," Catra said gently. "But you know what you did was dangerous, right?"
"I do," Finn said. "I'm sorry. I was going to come back, but… Then I got lost. And I got scared. And… I…" Finn tried to explain their actions, but their voice began to break and a few sobs choked out. Catra immediately placed a gentle hand on their shoulder.
"Hey. I'm not mad," Catra reassured them. "I was scared too. I really, really care about you, bud. I don't want to lose you."
"I was just sad," Finn said, their lips wobbling slightly as tears began to well in their eyes. They sniffled, wiping their nose with their sleeve. "And I didn't want to give my sadness to you…"
Catra's eyes widened slightly as Finn begin to break down into tears. Out of instinct, she quickly wrapped her arms around Finn, holding her child close. "Finn… I'm… I'm so sorry. For all the hurt I've caused you. I'm sorry that I haven't been the best mom I could've been. You are the light of my life. You deserve so much happiness, from both of your parents. I promise you I am going to do better. I promise I'm going to do my best to make you happy more often."
Finn sniffled, and their hands came up to grip the back of Catra's hair. They held each other. "You do make me happy…" Finn responded. "You make mom happy… You make DT happy… I just…" Finn sobbed again. "I wish you could make yourself happy… I wish I could make you happy… I try so hard but… I always get scared and I feel like you don't want to talk to me and then I run away… And you're sad because of me… It's all my fault… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"
"Finn, hey, hey, hey," Catra spoke softly, holding them through their agonizing sobs. It was enough to bring tears to Catra's eyes. She had to keep her voice steady. "It's not your fault, bud. You make me so happy to be alive. You make mom happy too. You are an absolute angel and we never could've asked for a better child. You're such an incredible kid. I was just scared of shutting down that light you have… But no more. I'm not going to let you down anymore. I'm not going to let myself down anymore. I'm going to smile for both of us, as long as you smile too, okay?"
"Are you sure…?" Finn asked. Catra backed off for a bit, and Finn finally saw the tears streaming down their mother's cheeks. And yet, she was smiling. Catra held up a hand, and extended her pinky finger.
"Pinky promise. We're both going to do our best from now on. And I'm not leaving here until you smile," Catra said. Finn looked at Catra's hand. They held out their own, extending their own little finger and wrapping it around their mother's.
"Pinky promise," they smiled. Catra let out a sigh of pure relief, before leaning in and pressing a kiss to Finn's forehead.
"I love you, Finn."
As Finn closed their eyes, they suddenly heard the sounds of music fill their ears. They looked up and pass Catra to see Angella standing on the porch outside the cabin, her violin pressed against her shoulder as she played a familiar tune from earlier.
Catra noticed the music too. "You want to stay and listen for a bit?" She asked Finn, and they nodded. Catra didn't mind a short rest herself, either. She took a seat on the snowy ground, and plopped Finn on her lap, the two of them watching Angella's little show, which was more of a practise session for her violin.
Angella looked at the two of them. Mother and child. And in a way, she saw herself. When Glimmer was younger. That same wonder in the child, and the deep, deep love that came from a parent. It was enough to bring nearly bring tears to her old eyes.
Finn felt lost in the music, slowly rocking from side to side in tune with it. Catra looked down at her child in her lap. Their joy. Their curiosity. And of course, the big smile on their face. Being a mother was nowhere near easy. And that fear was still in her heart somewhat.
But all of those hardships were worth it for moments like this.
As the train doors slid open, not only did Catra have to carry all of her luggage out, she also had to hold up her sleeping child in her arms.
It was a Friday afternoon, and after the week in Mystacor, Finn quickly crashed to sleep on the train ride home. They had their head on Catra's arm the whole time there, and their soft snores were almost soothing to listen to.
Adora would've been returning home at around the same time as Catra. It was nearly eight-thirty at night and the weekend was upon them. But it had also been a week since Shadow Weaver's death. And that was something stuck in Catra's mind too.
However, the thought of Shadow Weaver no longer caused her anxiousness or misery. There was some nervousness, but she instead chose to view Shadow Weaver as an obstacle. A stepping stone in her journey towards a better life. Catra couldn't change the past. But she could use Shadow Weaver as a way to leap forward into becoming someone better.
She ascended the stairs out of the train station, carrying Finn gently the whole way, along with their bags. Her car was still parked nearby the station, and she took the first chance she could to gently lay Finn in the back seat, letting them rest comfortably. They were heavy in sleep.
After everything that happened with Angella, she actually opted to allow Finn and Catra to stay for the week. Catra taught Finn how to fish from the lake, as well as going on walks with them and building Castle Mystacor, version two. Finn preferred the more quiet side of things.
As Catra unpacked her things into the boot of the car, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She pulled it out to see a text from Glimmer, finally responding after five hours.
SparkleSparklesss: Thanks for letting me know about how my mom was doing. It's nice that she's enjoying her time in Mystacor. I'll really have to pay her a visit soon.
Catra smiled at the text. She had suggested Glimmer see her mom when she could. Angella clearly missed her dearly, but at the same time, she had accepted Glimmer's life and her choices. Glimmer became her own person.
As Catra turned the ignition in the car on and began to drive back home, her mind was consumed with a few thoughts. She remembered back to Adora's graduation, where she felt small and miserable compared to the success of everyone else.
Perhaps Catra didn't have the most grand job, or the most fancy house, or a future she had fully planned for. To some, maybe Catra looked like a failure. Never been to college, never gotten a diploma, and only just passed high school.
But when Catra listened to the gentle snores of her child in the back seat of her car, she realized she didn't need those things to be happy. Life was beautiful for what it was. For what came naturally. The finer details. That's what brought around joy.
The things like how the city looks at night, with all its neon signs and lights and life. The way the clouds are still visible in the moonlit sky. The way the car rumbled quietly as it went along. The way the puddles on the pavement reflected the world. Catra noticed these things more. It made her smile a bit more.
The little things added up.
Once she arrived home and pulled into the garage, she noticed Adora had already arrived home. But first, there was a certain tired tough pancake that needed to be put to bed. Catra hopped out of the car, grabbing Finn gently from the back seat and walking slowly with them in her arms.
She opened the front door, walking upstairs and rocking Finn gently in their sleep. The house was a bit more clean, no doubt thanks to Adora. It had that smell that Catra loved. No other place like home could capture that smell.
The bedroom was on the first door to the left once she reached the top of the stairs. Catra stepped into Finn's room, smiling down at them as she laid them in their bed. As Finn sunk into the softness, their eyes parted slightly, their consciousness barely there.
"Good night, kiddo," Catra said to them. They could hear the words, and they could feel Catra's lips against their forehead. As Catra wrapped the sheet around them and went to close the door, they only had one last thing to say.
"Um…" They said, stopping Catra in her path. She looked down at the sleepy Finn from the doorway. The light of the hallway behind her. And Finn spoke only a few words.
"I love you… Mom."
Catra let out a sharp sigh. She kept herself stable for a bit. "I love you too, Finn."
And with that, Finn slowly closed their eyes again, and fell back into the land of sleep. Catra closed the door, and pressed her back against it. She let out a few sharp breaths, the smile on her face growing wider as her nose tickled with emotion.
A few tears stained her cheeks. And upon hearing the sobs, Catra saw Adora emerge from their own bedroom.
Adora was concerned at first. Catra sobbing was never a good sign. But when she saw Catra's beaming smile, she knew that these were good tears. Catra looked up at her with the biggest smile she had worn in…
Well, in years.
"So… Was it a good week?" Adora asked as Catra approached her. Catra raised her hands, cupping Adora's cheeks. They both smiled. They both shared joy and love. And for a second, the spark of their fresh high school love flickered once more. It was like their first kiss all over again.
"I love you so much," Catra said.
"I love you too. And I'm so… so proud of you," Adora replied.
And when their lips pressed against each other, Catra finally felt fully at home. The warmth in her heart that was long gone slowly came back. She loved Finn. She loved Adora.
And she was beginning to love herself a bit more, too.