Chapter Ten
Things were settling down on the station. Though Odo never did catch who was responsible for the poisonings, the presence of the Quark's mother and the Grand Nagus on the station had brought some much needed fun, just as Dax had noted about the Ferengi earlier.
He enjoyed meeting Ishka. She gave him hope for the future of Ferenginar, and despite her complaining, he saw much of her in her first born – their hand gestures and facial expressions, even the red tinge around their eyes.
It seemed the station as a whole breathed a sigh of relief at the news that Quark would make a full recovery. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone, and as troublesome as Quark often was, his bar was the heart of Deep Space Nine – not just as a gathering place, but because of Quark himself. Spirits were noticeably higher after he left sickbay.
And Odo was no exception. He'd been doing a lot of thinking about the bartender. About what had been – and what could be – between them. And, being himself, he went about that very methodically.
He started with their last big argument, in Quark's quarters. Odo could acknowledge that some of what Quark said rang true. He did value some cultures over others, and he did believe war in the name of freedom was more noble than the Ferengi's claimed reason for existence. But he also knew that the Ferengi – as they all were – were more complicated than that. To say any species was all about one thing was putting too fine a point on it.
He also saw that traversing into romantic territory with Quark had its risks, in that they reverted to how they normally spoke with each other: a few rare moments of honesty amongst a whole lot of arguing, teasing, and insults.
Odo already knew the main basis of their arguments was their differing philosophies, but there was more to it. There was a carelessness about the way he treated Quark. He was needlessly abrasive, egging Quark on, because a fight with him was often a quick way to blow off steam, or even more shamefully, a way to feel powerful, by pressuring Quark and putting him on the defensive.
Some of what they talked about did seem untraversable. He was the Chief of Security, and he did have beliefs about order and law. And Quark… Quark's ideas about the law were flexible, to say the least. But, after seeing Quark lying in sick bay, eyes closed, breath shallow, and his skin a disturbing ash, Odo knew he had taken Quark's presence, even as a thorn in his side, for granted.
Odo had long thought of himself as the ultimate outsider. He was interested in the world, that was why he decided to take on a humanoid shape in the first place, yet he had tolerated it at best. Instead, he mostly fought it, trying to mold, even a small corner of it, into something that aligned with his own beliefs. Yet, the more he interacted with the world the more it changed him.
Learning to communicate with Dr. Mora, acting as an investigator for the Cardassians, eventually moving up to Chief of Security, his relationships with his fellow officers – each had taught him valuable lessons, lessons that helped him in his dealings with all the manner of people and races he met with on any given day on Deep Space Nine. They all had different backgrounds, agendas, and beliefs, nevertheless they still managed to find some common ground, some middle path.
Surely, he and Quark could a middle path, but what did Odo want that middle path to look like? Did he want them to be less adversarial, kinder to each other in their everyday dealings, or did he want a romance?
Actually, that wasn't quite it. Rather, the final question was: Was he willing to attempt a romance again? Because, he already knew the desire was still there, despite the bitterness. A friendship was easier, a romance was daunting. That was the final question. Was he willing to try?
Quark had often been left in disbelief that he could not tempt Odo to buy any of his various wares. How fitting, Odo chuckled, that what he now wanted was Quark himself. He decided, just as he had been influenced by those around him, he would take a page out of Quark's book. He would pursue what he desired. And to do that, he needed to speak with Quark.
Which is how he found himself standing in front of Quark's quarters; after another late night stroll through the deserted corridors of Deep Space Nine. He rang the bell, the doors opened, and there stood Quark in his pajamas.
Quark looked momentarily surprised, but recovered quickly, letting Odo in and greeting him just as he would have at the bar.
"What brings you here tonight, Constable?"
"To see you." Odo knew if there was any chance of this working, he needed to be straight-forward.
"I'm not in any trouble, am I? You know I've been in sickbay for the last week or so." Quark replied lightly.
"No, this is a personal visit. How are you feeling?"
Quark was confused, but Odo stayed firm to his plan. No sarcasm, no diversions. Not tonight.
"Well, I've been better. But, this sure beats how I felt a few days ago."
"Hmm." Odo nodded, paused for a moment, then continued. "May I sit down?"
Quark looked at him warily, but nodded, and they sat down on the couch together, both no doubt remembering what had happened the last time they were sitting here.
"Quark, I would like to… apologize, for what I said before."
Quark stared at him for a moment, before sighing and looking up towards the ceiling.
"Odo, if... this is some kind of guilty thing because I almost died, don't bother. You… were right, okay? What you said is the truth, what I said is the truth, so let's just leave it at that."
"But it's not the whole truth, Quark. It's only part of it. It's like... if you only judged a planet by its night cycle, without ever seeing its morning. It didn't take into account the fact that I care for you, and we would never even be in this situation if we didn't care for each other."
Quark paused, before responding wearily, "That may be true, but… it's always raining on Ferenginar. And it's always going to be. You get what I'm trying to say? This… we're never going to be able to resolve this, Odo. So, go back to pining for the Major – I'm sure she'll come around one day. Just forget this ever happened."
Odo took a moment to recollect himself. He had not envisioned this response from Quark, because quite frankly, it was difficult to imagine Quark turning down an offer. Even from his business standpoint, being in a relationship with the Chief of Security could have its benefits. And Quark always espoused the virtues of going after what you want – going after who you want – yet now endorsed dropping the whole thing? Why? There was something he was not saying, and Odo – ever the investigator – wanted to know what it was.
"See, your silence proves that you know I'm right, so if you don't mind, can we just agree to be done with it? I'd like to get to bed."
"I wouldn't mind continuing this discussion in bed." The genuine shock on Quark's face was something to see, though that response had come out so fast he couldn't say he planned it. Well, everyone was always telling him to loosen up, go with the flow.
"Odo, I know those aren't real ears, but didn't you hear me?"
"I heard you. I just don't believe you."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. I don't believe what you're saying. You're always negotiating and maneuvering to get what you want. You came to me twice about this, and yet now you expect me to believe you're giving up? Just like that? If it's true, then say it. Tell me you want me to leave."
"I…" Quark started, then didn't finish.
"Yes?" Odo prompted, feeling it critical not to let up now.
Then, to Odo's surprise, Quark started to laugh. But it was a bitter laugh.
"You know, I did this same thing to Natima. You remember her? The Cardassian woman I dated during the Occupation, and she came back to the station a few years ago. I thought that was our big chance to be together, to rekindle the spark. I kept going after her, but she kept turning me down, saying she didn't care about me anymore. That was then, this is now, that sort of thing. But, finally, finally I got her to admit she did still care about me, and I was so relieved, because I knew it, and I just wanted to hear her say it.
"Even though she was angry at me, I think she was trying to spare me too – that it would be easier if I thought she didn't care – because she knew she wasn't going to stay. Heck, she was probably trying to spare herself too. Just keep moving, stay focused, don't think about what could have been.
"I thought I could change her mind though, get her to stay. Then, I thought I could make a deal to get her to stay, but that didn't work either. She still left. I'm glad we had that time, but it still hurt to see her go.
"So… yeah, Odo, I want you to stay. I don't know if it's going to do any good or where to go from here, but I want you to stay."
"Well, I can think of at least one thing." Odo replied, then leaned forward and quickly kissed him. Quark's response was not exactly what he had been hoping for. He wasn't entirely reciprocating, but he wasn't entirely not reciprocating either.
Odo let it be for a moment, to give Quark a chance to make up his mind, but when nothing changed, Odo found it disturbing. This was ambiguous, undecided; so unlike Quark.
Nevertheless, Odo knew this was the time. Quark often held court, telling tales about his various business deals, and he so often emphasized the timing, the correct pressure at the correct moment, otherwise you might not close the deal, and that is how Odo felt now.
This was their chance, he just needed to make Quark see that, and Odo wrapped his hand around Quark's shoulder pulling him close, held the side of his face with the other and kissed him again. And when that also failed to deliver the response he wanted, he growled low in frustration, pressing even harder into him. To goad him on, equal parts pushing and pleading, Come on, Quark. Don't give up now.
He heard Quark's yelp of surprise – at least that was something. There was one more pause, a pause that seemed to go of forever until finally he felt Quark relax and lean against him, and Odo was satisfied, even when Quark started to pull away. He did not go far, only away so far as to lean his head against Odo's shoulder.
And Odo was struck with how heavily Quark rested against him and how awkwardly he was holding himself upright. He was even slightly out of breath, and Odo chided himself. He'd been so focused on coming in here and saying what he needed to say that he'd failed to remember the obvious. Yes, Quark was up and walking, conversing, and his skin had lost that terrible grey pallor, but he was exhausted, still drained from his ordeal in sick-bay.
"You're tired." he acknowledged gently.
"I'm fine." Quark replied, somewhat irritatedly. While Odo was relieved to see Quark's typical stubbornness, he was eyeing Quark's bedroom.
"You should lay down."
"I'm tired of laying down. All I do is lay down nowadays."
"I'll join you."
"...Really?"
"Yes."
Quark rose first, and started walking towards his bedroom, Odo following close behind. He'd never actually been back here before, but it looked pretty much like everyone else's quarters on board. He noted some padds stacked on his nightstand, and that the bed was made. There were a few personal touches – Odo would have thought Quark's quarters would be decorated quite lavishly, but in truth they were tidy and on the sparse side. Maybe because he spent so much of his time at the bar.
Quark commanded the computer to turn the lights off after they had settled. Odo waited for Quark's breathing to fall into a sleep pattern, but it did not. In the dim light he saw Quark staring up at the ceiling.
"Odo?" Quark whispered.
"Hmm."
"It's… been a long time since I've done this."
"Done what?"
"Shared a bed like this. You know… with a lover."
In some ways, Odo was surprised, and in some ways he wasn't. Quark was no celibate, but – as Odo had cruelly pointed out to him – none of his relations had much sentiment to them. They were either brief whirlwinds of activity, or casual, business-like affairs. Neither would involve lying in bed merely to be with each other as they doing. In all honesty, there was only one person Odo could imagine Quark having done this with.
"Natima?"
"...Yeah."
Pillow talk was a concept he had heard about, but before Arissa, he hadn't really understood why anyone would feel more comfortable sharing things in bed than anywhere else. Even though he wasn't humanoid, there was something about lying down, with the lights dim, sharing a blanket that made him feel calmer, more willing to share things he wouldn't normally otherwise.
"I've only done this with Arissa."
"Looks like you've downgraded, then. She was gorgeous."
It… wasn't as strange as he thought it would be, to talk of past relationships with Quark. Whenever Major Kira was concerned, he hated hearing about Shakaar or Bareil or even witnessing the number of men on any given day sending her appreciative looks.
With Quark, it seemed matter of fact, as simple as acknowledging 'Yes, that happened.' Much of the emotion was taken out of it, and that was what disturbed him about Quark's last statement, that he had said it so matter of factly. He really did believe what he was saying. He was used to Quark overbrimming with confidence, not… this, and Odo knew Quark was not convinced. 'Negotiations' would have to continue, but another time.
He had suggested this so Quark would relax, and to that end, he diverted him with something he was sure would pique his interest.
"I did do something comparable with my people on my home-world."
"Going into that ocean?"
"That ocean is my people."
"...Right."
"But, that's not what I meant." Odo turned to Quark, who was lying on his back with his hands on his chest. He covered one of Quark's hands with his own then let it revert to his natural plasma state, sending a gentle charge of energy through. He didn't linger long, forming his hand solid once again, then waited for Quark's response.
"Wow, no wonder your people go on and on about the Great Link." Quark muttered, with a hint of awe in his voice.
"Hmm." Odo murmured in agreement.
"Must be fun. Changing your shape." Quark mused sleepily.
"It is." Odo replied fondly. "Rest now. I'll stay as long as I can."