A/N Sorry for taking so long. I was never happy with how this turned out, but some reviews really motivated me to post this so here it is! Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 8

Serena felt awful. June had been so mad at her for standing there and begging Canada to give them her child back. After everything that had happened they had agreed that Nichole shouldn't be in Gilead and now Serena had betrayed her. Or at least that was what June thought. But Serena would tell her soon about her plan. Though she could live with being hated a few more weeks if at the end she would get a better life. They'd all get a better life.

In the quest to get Nichole back, Fred had been invited to Washington and both Serena and June would accompany him. She wasn't sure if she could bring her only connection to Mark, but she didn't want to go so long without talking to him. Their nightly talks had become an addiction to her, even if there'd only been four previous ones, but she didn't want to go to bed without one. They didn't discuss the plan anymore, mostly because there hadn't been any other developments, but also because she needed to get to know him better and wanted him to know the real her.

Fred would not be as forgiving if he found out she'd been talking to another man these last couple of weeks. And, she'd realized, start catching feelings for him. He was like a drug she didn't want to go off.

Per usual, Fred needed everything to be perfect when they went on their trip. He needed all of them to look representable and like a united front. She couldn't help but to remember how things had gone on their last trip together and she refused to let history repeat itself. Rita and June were already standing by the door, in a perfect line, when she came down, her husband pacing before them. She glanced between the women and if looks could kill, June would've killed Serena in a slow and painful death. Fred shot her an approving glance accompanied by a short nod.

"Blessed be his fruit," she said to the handmaid and Martha, before meeting her husband's eyes. "Are we ready?"

"Yes, dear," Fred nodded and together they walked out the door, heading for the black SUV. Nick opened the door for them and they sat down in complete silence. This was the way things often went. Silence. Always the silence.

—

The Winslows' life in Washington seemed like an idyllic utopia. There were kids running around downstairs and some playing in a big playroom. This was a life that Serena always had wanted, and she still wanted nothing more, but not with Fred and not like this. Commander Winslow creeped her out from the first moment they shook hands with his traveling eyes a smirk that knew too much.

The first time Serena lay eyes on the Winslows' handmaid she was terrified. They had sewn the woman's mouth shut to keep her from talking to anyone. Serena had the feeling that they weren't far from this. She could just imagine Fred taking a note of this and bringing it up on the next council meeting. Even if Serena was present and able to protest about this inhumane development, the commanders would overrule her and the following week June and all the other handmaids' lips would be sewn together. Though, she wouldn't be surprised if they took this one step further and decided to shut the Marthas up too, and then eventually the wives, because why did women need to speak anyways right? They were already lacking a voice. Serena would just have to hand Fred over to the Canadians before he was able to make that proposal.

At first impression, where all the kids ran around and the Winslows were smiling, Serena couldn't imagine the commander doing that to his wife, but then he looked way too long at June which gave her a greater idea on where he spent his evenings. The once over he gave her also sent a chill down her spine and made her want to lose her perfectly straight posture to hide from his gaze.

"Look at this place," Fred whispered into her ear, one arm snaking around her waist. "We could live like this too. Big family, kids running around everywhere… This is exactly what you want."

Serena wasn't sure she liked this affectionate side of Fred. She knew he was working an angle, manipulating her somehow. He wanted her to fall for him all over again and stay with him. The way she had threatened to leave him scared the shit out of him and it was clear he was attempting to change, but she was an intelligent woman and knew that this was all an act. As soon as she did something out of line, he wouldn't hesitate to punish her. So she would also try to do better, to play the obedient wife, fool him into thinking she would stay forever as long as they got Nichole back. Actually, she was surprised he hadn't done anything after she embarrassed him in front of the other commanders. It wasn't against the law of course, but she knew Fred was pissed off.

Olivia showed her to her room where she would spend the night, alone thank God. June would sleep one floor up in the same room as their handmaid. They'd probably have lots to talk about, but luckily for the commanders one of them couldn't talk.

"I will let you put your things away," Olivia said as she walked toward the exit. "We will be serving tea in half an hour."

"Thank you," she said and gave her a quick smile.

She could finally let her mask fall when the other woman left the room. Right now she had the strongest urge to talk to someone about everything she had witnessed, but after the broadcasting to Canada she was positive June didn't want to exchange one single word with her. So instead she would turn to her newest addiction.

After closing the door she opened her bag and unwrapped the extra teal dress she had brought. In the middle, hidden from all eyes, was the forbidden cellphone. She picked it up and found Mark's number, throwing a paranoid glance behind her back to make sure no one was watching her, as she pressed dial.

"Hello?" He answered after the forth signal and she was worried he was too busy to talk to her. She usually called in the evenings, not in the middle of the day.

"It's me," she said, always trusting he would recognize her voice.

"What happened?" He asked worriedly. Of course he would think the worst when she called and she had to admit that she liked hearing that tone on his voice. Was that selfish of her?

"Nothing happened. I just want to talk," she told him, glad he couldn't see the flush spreading across her cheeks. "This place is scary. They've sewn their mouths shut, Mark

"Ah, I've heard rumors about that," was his response. "They don't want the handmaids to plot together."

"You could've said something to prepare me," she said with a grimace. "I'm almost a hundred percent positive Fred will bring that home to stop the resistance."

"From what you've told me, wouldn't surprise me if he took this one step further and silenced all the women like that," he said the exact same thing Serena had been worried about.

"Yes, I know he isn't pleased whenever I open my mouth at council meetings, and neither are the other commanders." She couldn't help but to chuckle as she pictured Fred's tense face when Serena said something she shouldn't have. If she wasn't one of the original founders she'd probably be on the wall a long time ago. They probably would've chopped off something more than just a pinky.

"Will you be safe until we get him?" Mark asked after a moment of silence.

She began to nod, but realized that he wouldn't be able to see her. "I think so. I'm playing the perfect wife that could do nothing wrong. I don't plan on losing any more fingers or other limbs." She chuckled quietly even if what she'd just said was no joking matter. "And first line of duty, have som tea with mrs Winslow."

"Take care, Serena. We'll see each other soon," he said and she could hear the smile on his lips. Oh how she wanted to kiss those lips.

Quickly she shook her head to get rid of those dirty thoughts, and put the phone under the pillow. If everything worked out she would be joining Mark in Canada soon and she hoped they could begin some sort of relationship. Though, she realized, she had never asked if he had a special someone at home. From the way he'd been flirting with her she would guess no, but she had also been flirting and she was married. That must be the worst sin she had ever committed, but she knew God would forgive her if she asked for it. 'He who is without sin let him throw the first stone.'