Disclaimer: I do not own Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, or any other recognizable character for the Wizarding World universe. I own, however, my OCs the Selwyns and several minor OCs. The plot had been written purely for entertainment value.

Chapter ten: To mourn or not to mourn

Summer 1979. Selwyn Manor.

After Regulus died, Selene was put into a situation that she never would have anticipated, no matter how prepared she tried to be for any problem that arose.

Not only had her fiancé, her cousin, her friend died, he had done so being disgraced in the worst way possible in the eyes of the Death Eaters. He'd betrayed the Dark Lord, the ultimate act of cowardice.

At Hogwarts, it had been easy enough to bury herself in her studies, pretexting that her incoming exams helped her forget, for a while, the heart-break that had come with Reg's death. Mostly, people steered away from her as if she had caught dragonpox.

In public – meaning, in the Great Hall and common room – she made sure to act as depressed as possible, crying in her plate, refusing to eat, bolting out of rooms with a loud – and fake – sob.

In private, she had started planning, carefully, the summer that was to come. Even if she had, in fact, shed more than a tear for Regulus – even if she had grown to hate the idea of marrying him, she had been genuinely fond of him – she was almost giddy at the thought that his demise had brought along a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to free herself from her father and brother's horrible wishes.

Regulus, as far as everyone was concerned, had been her beloved. She had pretended to be in love with him enough at home for at least her mother to believe her tears when she came back to the Manor. He also had betrayed the Dark Lord, someone she was supposed to worship half as much as her brother Aurus did. Both these things gave her the weapon of hysteria.

It was easy enough: she'd pretend to turn almost mad with grief and shame, to be torn between heartbreak over Regulus' death and rage over his treachery. When her father's patience had run out at long last, when he'd gotten disappointed enough with her, she'd strike. She'd tell him that she couldn't possibly take the Mark, that she was a failure, that she would shame the Dark Lord, that she'd bring shame to the whole family.

She'd even go as far as to pretend her magic wasn't as strong as it had been, if it served her purpose. She'd be free. No matter what she had to do to make sure she remained so.

In fact, she even failed a couple of minor N.E.W.T.s – and considered, for a split second, failing Potions, before she shook herself off the idea – to make sure she had credible enough arguments.

Clove, the elderly House Elf that had seen Selene born and that had been taking care of the Selwyn household for several generations, had just been bringing her a bit of bread and soup for her dinner.

Ever since coming back from school, Selene had been eating meagre rations, to aid with her lie. In secret, she had been stashing tasty morsels of cake, pie and other sweets in her room to eat at night.

The tiny Elf put the tray down on the bed for 'Missy Selenie', and popped out of the room just as someone knocked quite harshly on the door.

Selene's first instinct was to straighten on top of her covers, to pass a hand through her hair to appear less dishevelled, but in truth, the untidier she looked, the better. With a weak voice, she said 'Yes?' and the door opened, revealing her father, Janus.

With a purse of lips and a swipe of the room with his dark eyes, he wordlessly told her he disapproved of what she had become in those few weeks since June ended. Selene inwardly punched the air: she had been efficient in at least one regard, then.

"Daughter, what is the meaning of this?" he said at long last, gesturing the around the room, at the piles of books, at the scattered balls of paper, at the dusty furniture.

Selene whimpered, holding her chest as if she was in pain. "I can't, Father. I can't go on…"

Again, she would have patted herself on the back for managing to sound so pitiful. Well done, S, she could almost hear in Sirius' voice.

Janus Selwyn very rarely lost countenance. Even when he was angry, there was a certain calm about the situation. Unlike his son Aurus who easily exploded into a volcano of passionate rage, their father had mastered the icy wall of calm under which raged a burning fire. He stared at his only daughter with a gaze that could have killed her instantly, and hissed "That boy was a traitor, and yet you mourn him like a weakling! You shame me!"

Selene sat up at that, pulling at her hair like a hysterical woman. It did the trick, as her father's eyes widened in frightened surprise. "It is because I am shaming you that I am in such a state, Father! The boy I was to marry, the boy I loved so dearly, was such a monster, such a coward, such a failure… I can't…" She pulled at her hair again, then started scratching her arms, almost to bleed.

Her father startled and took two paces forward to stop her, although he didn't come close enough to take her hands away from herself. Only close enough to stop her with a glare. "You better get a hold of yourself, Selene! The Dark Lord will not take a little, weak and cowardly girl into his service!"

Selene sobbed into her hands, then. She even managed a few real tears to drop onto her cheeks. "I know, Father, and my shame is even greater for it! That I shall shame the Dark Lord with my mere presence! I am unworthy of his honour. I cannot take the Mark as I am now…"

Janus remained silent for a few minutes. He stared at her, at the state of her room, at the red marks on her arms, and sighed. "I will tell the Dark Lord that you are unwell. That it would unwise to trust you with his Mark for now."

"I am sorry, Father, for shaming you."

He turned away, not answering as he exited the room, slamming the door behind himself.

Selene's smirk was devious as he left.

Her ruse worked a charm. Within days of having pulled this performance on her father, Selene was told that her early acceptance into the ranks of the Death Eaters was postponed until a time where she felt better and could be useful to the Dark Lord.

This gave her enough time to practise tempering her own magic, to appear weak and unable to perform even the simplest of tasks. Her mother, who was usually very uninterested in everything that concerned her daughter, was shocked to see that she was unable to charm her hair into a bun one morning; or even to use her wand to light a fire.

In fact, for all intents and purposes, Selene Selwyn was now considered to be an imbecile and a madwoman by all who knew her.

Except, of course, for two people.

The first, obviously, was Sirius. Their correspondence had resumed as soon as Selene had felt comfortable enough again to talk to him after Regulus' death. Thankfully, he never mentioned his traitorous brother, and their letters were made to cheer, and mock, and congratulate. Sometimes, he even was the one to offer a piece of advice or an idea to sell her 'weakling' story.

The second, unfortunately, was her brother Aurus.

He'd been suspicious of her so-called 'loyalty' to his Master ever since Janus had announced that she'd join. He'd been staring at her, observing her, hissing at her like a snake trying to slither under her skin to see what was in her mind.

Selene started reading about Occlumency, and started practising. She had a strong feeling that Aurus would stop at nothing to prove that she was traitor to both Selwyn family and the Dark Lord himself. Legilimency would be so easy to perform on an unaware sister…especially one that claimed to be half-witted.

Often, he cornered her into the Manor's library when she deigned get out of her room. Often, he grabbed her arm to tell her he knew she was faking it. That he knew she was nothing more than a coward and a Blood-Traitor, and that he'd soon find evidence to prove it.

Alas for him, the War that the Death Eaters were fighting against the legions of the Light was taxing, and both Aurus and Janus were called away more often, leaving Selene peacefully alone.

In early November, after a long enough time had passed since Regulus' death to pretend to feel better, Selene announced that she wanted to find a job. That, if she could not fight for the Dark Lord, she still wanted to be useful to him. She offered her father to act as a spy within the Ministry.

And, obviously, with her magic still so weakened, she could not pretend to a prestigious post like Aurus had applied for. No Auror program for her, no; no Department of Magical Law Enforcement, no Sir. Instead, Janus Selwyn secured a low-ranking post at the Improper Use of Magic Office. Something small where she would remain undetected and where her weakness could not stain her brother's record.

So, in 1979, Selene Selwyn started working under Frances Bowen, and was granted her own office, her own chest of drawers, and a timetable that meant 'freedom'.

1980. Somewhere in Surrey.

"I still think this is preposterous."

"And I still think this is the most fun that you will have ever had in your pitiful life, cousin."

With a smirk and tug on her sleeve, Sirius pulled her forward into the gardens, where a small crowd was gathered for a joyous event she felt she had no place to have been invited to.

Sirius Black, the moron he was, had invited his cousin to be his guest at James Potter and Lily Evans' marriage. He hadn't taken 'no' for an answer and had all but kidnapped her from her home, forcing her to pretext a visit to an imaginary friend to escape for the day.

As, obviously, a Selwyn woman couldn't show up at a mainly Gryffindor event, she had Transfigured her features into that of a blonde-haired and brown-haired woman wearing red. Something that was as far as possible from what she truly was.

Sirius was James' best-man, of course, and he steered Selene closer to the soon-to-be-married couple, a wicked grin on his face. "Mate, you look like you're having second thoughts!"

James snorted and pulled his friend into a headlock, both laughing as if they were still teenagers.

Lily Evans was radiant. Selene had often thought the Muggleborn to be of passing beauty; but in her wedding gown, with stars in her eyes and love on her lips, she was truly beautiful. She turned to Selene, ignoring the two idiots, and smiled at her. "I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Lily. Thank you so much for attending our special day."

Selene tried to smile back, finding it surprisingly easy to. Sirius and herself had agreed to give her the alias of 'Susan'. Plain enough, and still an 'S' name.

However, even as she was about to say 'I'm Susan, nice to meet you', Sirius entangled himself from James' hold and barked out a laugh. "Lils, it's S! She disguised herself not to provoke a riot, but…you're safe enough."

James, who must have known, grabbed Selene's gloved hand and dropped a kiss on it. "Selene, always a pleasure."

She snorted, much like her true self would. "Potter."

Lily hissed out a laugh that appeared uncontrolled. "Oh, Merlin, it truly is you." She turned to Sirius. "As much as I appreciate you inviting your cousin to our wedding, I would have liked a heads-up, Pads."

He shrugged. "Told Prongs. Thought it was enough."

Under Lily's glare, Selene said, unfazed, "Sirius dear, you should know better. Always tell the bride, not the groom. Men can't be trusted with important information for the life of them."

"Oi!" both friends said at the same time, and Lily laughed again.

Alright. Selene supposed she was going to have a nice day, after all.

The Potter-Evans were married in a rather lovely ceremony that twisted together Wizarding and Muggle traditions. Lily's parents looked in awe of everything they saw, which was rather curious to a Pureblood witch who had seen magic being performed since she was born.

As the day drew by, she grew more relaxed. A few men asked her to dance, which she agreed to until one stepped rather hard on her foot; and she found herself laughing more than once at Sirius' antics.

He'd been right: she hadn't had that much fun in her entire life. And, of course, she hated that he had been right at all…

In fact, the only thing she had trouble with…was Remus' presence.

Obviously, he was there, attending his best friend's wedding as he was entitled to. But seeing him there, after almost two years, still as handsome as he'd always been, wearing a cardigan above a light blue shirt, looking dapper and charming…it was all rather painful.

Remus, and Peter, who had arrived later, had of course both been told that 'Susan' was in fact Selene in disguise, and while Peter found it hilarious, Remus had pursed his lips and steered away from her for several hours, before realising that avoiding her meant avoiding his friends as well, and that could not do.

So, for a couple of excruciating hours, Selene had to stare at him, to listen to him, to be close enough to almost touch him… It left her very frustrated. And, as a result, angry.

"I need to refresh myself, excuse me for a moment." She stood from her chair, ignored Sirius' quizzical gaze, and escaped to the small country house that the Potters had decided to host their wedding at. Apparently, the house of a distant aunt of James' or something.

Splashing a bit of fresh water on her face, Selene allowed her disguise to slip and her real features to reappear in the mirror in front of her. She was almost surprised to see her dark locks after having been blonde all day, but more than that, she felt like the small smile that resided on her lips wasn't meant to be there at all.

It puzzled her that she was being the happiest she'd ever been…while surrounded by her would-be enemies. By people she should consider inferior; by a Blood-Traitor, a Mudblood, and a werewolf. If her father could see her…she'd be dead in a matter of seconds…

Allowing herself a moment of freedom, she exited the small bathroom and almost knocked over the person who was heading down the corridor.

Selene wasn't going to apologize, but any words that she had meant to say died on her lip as she saw just whom she had bumped into.

Remus had shed in cardigan and was wearing his shirt with his sleeves rolled up, his hair deliciously mussed up as it used to be when she passed her hands through it. He stared down at her, visibly shaken to see her true self, and she took a steadying breath.

"Remus," she said, cordial, almost cold although nothing warranted it.

He nodded, swallowing noisily as he answered with an equally indifferent "Selene."

She huffed, straightening her dress. "Well, now that we have both acknowledged each other's existence, may I return to my cousin?"

He didn't move, but a flame of something sparked in his lovely eyes. "I do hope that no one knows you're here."

She stared at him unbelievably. "I've disguised myself not to be recognized. What other evidence of my being here in secret do you need?"

"You may not want to be recognized not to be associated with us; but you might have considered bringing back some information back to your side…"

Selene hissed, this time, standing straighter in her heels as if she was trying to get taller than him – impossible, though. "How dare you?" she whispered angrily. "My side? Are you putting me in the same basket as those degenerates?"

He didn't say anything, but his pursed lips told her all she needed to do.

With a harsh movement, she grabbed her left sleeve and pushed it up, revealing her bare arm, Mark-less, unstained by Dark Magic. "There. Proof enough for you?"

They were standing very close to one another by then. Very very close. When had that happened?

Remus sighed, the flame in his eyes dying out. "Sorry. It's just…after the way…" he didn't continue, but she knew what he was referring to. The way she had broken things off between the two of them.

The reminded of that day made her breath hitch. As she dropped her left arm, she brushed against his unwittingly and, in a reflex, he grabbed her hand, staring at it as if it was a foreign concept.

"I'm glad you came today."

Selene pursed her lips, staring back at him, annoyed now at how handsome he was. The alcohol she had consumed and the general giddiness of the day didn't help her getting increasingly frustrated at how he was making her feel.

"Remus Lupin, you are the bane of my existence," she sighed before grabbing him by the back of the neck to draw him into a heated kiss.

They weren't teenagers anymore, or barely. This kiss escalated much more quickly than any of their previous ones. Not to mention they hadn't done this in more than two years. Remus moaned into Selene's mouth, pulling her closer and pushing her against the bathroom door at the same time. She put her hands in his hair, mussing it even more, pressing herself against him as he caressed her along the length of her back, rumpling her dress as he went.

That kiss turned into another, then another still. One of Selene's hands found itself at his back, under his shirt, and her leg hooked around his hip as he held her thigh gently.

A sound of broken china nearby, followed by a loud curse, drew them both away from each other as if they'd been burnt.

Remus stared at Selene, eyes nearly black with desire, as they both panted to breathe evenly again.

Selene watched him leave the small house with an incredulous look on her face.

What had just happened?