The Death of Young Yuuri and How Yearnings Come to Compromise [FLASHBACK]
Summary: This is a flashback chapter.
When Yuuri realizes, finally, that he is in love with his retainer, he panics. The familiar stirrings of affection that Young Yuuri held for Conrad-that awe of strength, the comfort of support-is set aflame. The new feelings settle into an older Yuuri like an alien being, not entirely unwelcome but awkward. This want of a man who has known him since before birth, the acceptance of him, flaws and all, takes some getting used to. But once the feeling does settle into him, and he accepts it as not fleeting, not merely a curiosity, but indeed the real thing, he is determined to move forward.
Their relationship, once so pure and platonic, alters quickly one evening when they are cleaning up some paperwork for the night. Yuuri's four advisors had taken on days where they would assist the Maou with his work while the others carried on with their duties, and this night was Conrad's. While the soldier works, Yuuri muses on Conrad's behavior toward him, because he is still unsure. He thinks the feelings are returned; little by little Conrad has slipped into comfort with Yuuri, allowing Yuuri to see more of the man and less of the façade. But there is still no way of knowing for sure without action.
He is thinking on how to figure that out when Conrad calls out to him, asking if he is ready to retire for the night. He hears the formal way that Conrad calls out to him-Your Majesty-as though he were just some soldier, some insignificant person and not Conrad, and it grates on his last nerve. He pushes the chair out with the back of his thighs while he arms propel him to his feet, and before he can think more on it he is walking around his desk and to where Conrad is standing, a pile of paperwork in his hands and a look of surprise across his face. The surprise intensifies when Yuuri wraps his arms around Conrad's neck and places his mouth on Conrad's. Two sets of open eyes stare at the other in wonder, wonder at what they are doing and that Yuuri does not need to stretch in any way to meet Conrad. The last of Young Yuuri grows silent and still.
"What do you see, Conrad?" Yuuri asks when they break away. His heart is lurching out of the confines of his chest, and he can feel tension in the muscle of Conrad's arm that has nothing to do with the now fallen papers. He knows Conrad understands the question, and only one answer will be acceptable. No other answer will allow them to proceed.
"Yuuri," Conrad sighs without pause, leaning forward to capture the younger man's lips against his own again. Because there are no kings or past selves present, Yuuri responds without anymore hesitation.
It is still without hesitation that Yuuri plans the following day. Come the morning, he tells Wolfram that he wishes to speak with him later that night and then sets off on his normal routine. He knows he is losing Wolfram, and the thought makes him pick at his food during breakfast and stare out his window through the afternoon. As always, his idealism wishes for harmony on all counts, but he knows Wolfram by now. An end to their relationship is an end to everything between them, and Yuuri only hopes that Wolfram will be willing enough to remain home.
But as the day progresses, the plan begins to fall apart. He watches as Wolfram, already preparing for the worst it seems, is short-tempered and rigid when speaking with everyone he comes across. After consoling a sobbing Sangria and calming an infuriated Yozak, Yuuri checks his idealism at the door completely and hopes that when it is all over, Wolfram will focus his anger on him and spare everyone else.
He is only a few feet away when Conrad has the misfortune of crossing paths with his younger brother. Conrad smiles politely and shuffles aside, and Yuuri sees it. It is not true yet, but Conrad's eyes already reflect the loss of Wolfram. His plan falls to pieces: There is no way Yuuri will take Wolfram away from Conrad after all it has taken to close the chasm between them.
That night, with his desk between them, Yuuri half-heartedly tells his fiancé that he has no plans to marry him. Wolfram is not happy to hear this, but says he is fine with how things are with them in the present.
Defeated, Yuuri says nothing and leaves it at that.