Screaming.

The last thing Regina did when she had a voice. Screamed for her life.

She wanted to scream tonight too. But she could not. The scream remained locked in her throat. Burning on her broken vocal cords as she violently jerked out of sleep and sat up in bed as if pulled by a string.

Nightmare. A bad one. She couldn't breathe properly. Or so it felt. Her throat ached and her abdomen twinged and tightened. She closed her eyes and tried to reassure herself that she was safe. That this was her room. That Killian could not get her.

It didn't work.

Her pajamas was drenched in sweat and her heart was hammering. Black spots were dancing before her eyes, and she felt sick. The nightmare was sitting in her like an enormous lump in her throat, and she stumbled as she got out of bed. The room was closing in around her. She had to get out of here right now. Couldn't stand being in here a minute later.

She hurried down the hall. Right now she could not think about anything except getting out of her bedroom, and so she wasn't being particularly quiet. Setting foot on the staircase was making her anxiety spike as well. In glimpses, she saw herself running up a staircase like this one while Killian was screaming at her in the kitchen. God, why hadn't she just run outside instead of upstairs? If she had been smart enough to run outside, he would never have done this to her. She would still have been able to talk today if she had run out of the house instead of running upstairs.

She ended up outside on the porch. The night air was cold and crispy and sating on her burning skin. Her breath came out as little puffs of white smoke. Her chest was rising and falling too quickly. She sank down on the ice cold threshold and hid her face in her hands. Her heart was racing, and black spots were dancing before her eyes. She tried to tell herself to calm down. Tried to convince herself that there was no danger here, but her brain refused to cooperate and kept providing her with flashes of the nightmare she'd just had.

The cream colored rug scratching against her back. The sound of her clothes being torn sounding like an explosion in her ears. Buttons bouncing off against the walls like projectiles. His weight on top of her like a stone. The fight against the impossible as he forced himself on her. Forced himself inside OF her. The excruciating pain at the feeling as well as the realization of what he was doing to her. It hadn't lasted long. Two minutes at most until she got enough hold of herself to slam her knee against his balls. But still, so many thoughts had rushed through her in that moment. The most dominant one being that she couldn't believe that this was a man she had prepared to promise forever. This was the same man who had told her that he loved her a number of times. The very same man who had kissed her so sweetly in the moonlight. The same man who once had held her so close in the night, the same man she had told all her secrets, was the same monster who now was holding her down and raping her. And enjoying her terror.

This was a man she had trusted. A man she had bared her very soul for. And he had bared his in return. He had told her about her childhood one night when they were lying in bed together. Killian hadn't had the easiest childhood. His father drank and often shouted when he was drunk. Sometimes he lashed out at a young Killian and his mother and brother. His voice had been so vulnerable when he told her the story about his hard childhood where he and his mother and younger brother, Liam had walked on eggshells around his father until Killian's mother found courage to leave him once and for all.

Killian's voice had grown thick and raspy when he swore that he never would become like his father. That was what he feared most, he had told her. To end up like the 'abusive asshole' that was his father.

Regina's heart had broken for Killian. She had held him close and kissed him tenderly, silently vowing that she would never ever make him feel so small and vulnerable as his father once had made him feel.

Despite all the good intentions. Despite Regina's naïve fantasy of being the woman to save Killian, history had repeated itself say for a few changes. Killian's father never got physically violent. The violence he displayed was of the psychological kind. He used his voice, not his fists.

Killian never got drunk, but often yelled when angry. And he used his hands when frustrated. Slapped her around and yelled. Followed by a ton of apologies. He had been tired. He had been frustrated.

Because of her.

Regina had felt guilty.

Had gotten it into her head that it was her fault Killian was reacting like he did.

She was the one challenging him.

She was the one pushing him to react.

That wasn't true, Regina reminded herself as she shivered in the cold night air. His actions had been inexcusable. But she would never stop feeling stupid. Why had she stayed? Why hadn't she just left after the first time he raised a hand to her? As a young woman, Regina had had a very strong sense of justice, and if something wasn't fair, she immediately reacted. Killian's actions had definitely not been fair. And yet she had stayed. Because Killian had been so convincing. He had cried and begged her to please come out of the bathroom so they could talk. When she did, he had taken her in his arms and whispered 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, love' into her temple. He had kissed her forehead. Her cheek. He had taken her hands, brought them up to her lips and then kissed them too. Very gently. He had begged her to not kick him out of the house. And he had sworn that he never would do it again.

And Regina had believed him. Because Killian was her fiancé. Because she was in love with him. Because she knew him. Knew that he hadn't meant it. That it had been an accident. And she was not hurt.

Just surprised. She had given him the benefit of the doubt. She had forgiven him.

If only she hadn't. If she had left him right then and there, that could have been the end of it. She would still have been heartbroken, of course. But less than she was right now. Of course one slap was serious enough. Of course the shock of realizing that her fiancé was the type of man who could hit a woman when he was 'tired' would have been devastating. But she knew that she would have been able to rise above it. She would have patched her broken wings, brushed off the dust and then forgotten about the man she was supposed to marry.

But now she couldn't patch her metaphorical broken wings. Because they weren't just broken. They had been torn from her body, and no thread was thick enough to sow them back onto her body. Regina rubbed a hand over her face. Their first argument, the first argument that had ended in an open palm to her cheek, had been so pointless. And so devastating. Because it had been about the wedding. The seating plan of all things. Regina had wanted Henry to sit at the main table, but Killian had thought that he should sit at the children's table with the other kids. Regina had of course protested against that. Obviously, Henry should sit at the bride and groom's table with them. He was the bride's son. As much a part of the day as they were. Killian had been stubborn about it, and eventually, they disagreement had ended in a full blown argument. And an open palm to her cheek. The first of many.

Regina shivered in the cold night air. The sweat on her back had started to dry, and she felt quite uncomfortable. But she didn't want to go inside. Not yet. Because she knew that she would not be able to sleep. If she closed her eyes, the nightmare would come back. She would feel everything all over again. The rough hands grabbing and groping all over her. The sound of her clothes tearing. The throbbing in her head when it connected with the wall. The rug scratching against her back when she was forced onto the floor. His voice in her ear, switching between calling her a ' fucking whore' or a 'good little wife', depending on how much she fought against him. The pain everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. The belt around her neck. And the dank smell of urine. Your bladder fails you when you're being choked. In the midst of the terror, Regina had thought to herself he couldn't have chosen a more humiliating way to finish her off.

And the scream stuck in her throat. Because that was what her nightmares were like now. She was always rendered speechless. Unable to scream while Killian did terrible things to her.

Regina was so tired of fighting against him in her nightmares. She was tired of experiencing her night of terror again and again. It made her feel sick to her stomach. Made her feel like she had been raped all over again. How were you supposed to move on when the same nightmare kept haunting you?

Regina sighed and turned her face towards the inky blackness above her. The sky looked like a velvet blanket with tiny gold stars embroidered on it. It looked beautiful. The night was calm and still.

Peaceful. Cold with a touch of frost to it.

It was difficult to believe that there could exist such terrible people in such a beautiful world.

The world had looked exactly like this on the night where Killian attacked her.

The night had been calm and still.

The sky had been inky black.

Beautiful.

Nightmares couldn't occur in such a calm, still night.

Regina closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

What she wouldn't have given to be able to pretend that Killian didn't exist.

Just for tonight.

But he did.

And he always would.

He would always reside in the back of her mind.

She rubbed her arms, her thin pajamas did not provide with much cover to shield her from the cold.

The years with Killian had been a lesson in everything horrible.

Terror.

Stripped modesty.

Obedience.

And... shame. Yes, shame.

The ever gnawing shame.

Regina had always been proud of herself and her identity as a Puerto Rican bisexual woman.

But Killian had shamed her into believing that it was wrong.

That she was wrong.

She wasn't, she knew that. The only thing she was embarrassed about was the fact that she had allowed Killian's terror to go on for so long.

Regina rubbed her arms again. She was starting to get really cold. The temperature had dropped. Perhaps they could even expect the first snow soon. Henry would be excited then. He loved snow. Perhaps they could build a snowman. He had done that every year ever since he was big enough to understand the delight of snow. During the first years, Regina had to help him, but now he was doing it on his own. But maybe he wouldn't mind a bit of help this year. Regina hoped so. Her therapist back in Toronto had told her that she had to make sure to get out of the house. Did building a snowman in the garden count as being outside?

A cold wind blew through the garden, and Regina shivered. She should get inside and get warmed up. But being outside was so nice. Her bedroom had felt so cluttered. And her head. Her therapist had been right. Being outside was good for her. Perhaps she could make a thing out of this. Well, not sitting outside in her thin pajamas well past midnight, but being outside every day. Perhaps she could incorporate a daily walk into her very un-busy schedule. She couldn't sit in front of the television and catch up on series every day. She had to make sure that her life was moving forward, and it would not if she sat on her butt in front of the tv every day. She had to start earning money again. Had to find somewhere she and Henry could live on their own. She couldn't occupy a room in Zelena's house for always. She had her own life. And Henry needed his own room. Obviously, he did have his own room here in Zelena's house, but he needed his VERY own room. One where he could paint the wall whatever color he wanted. And most of all, he needed to see his mother getting by on her own. He needed to see that life could and should go on even after a dramatic and traumatic event. Stability. He hadn't had a lot of that in the past two years.

Another wave of guilt rushed over Regina as she thought about the times where Henry had seen her with a bruise. She had lied to him so many times. Made up silly little accidents to make him laugh and to cover for the bruises that often bloomed on her arms where Killian had grabbed her too roughly.

"Regina?"

Regina turned her head and looked up at her sister who had just shown up on the porch, illuminated by the automatic lights that always switched on whenever someone was on the porch. Before the attack, Regina had thought that it was a very handy thing, but now the automatic light on the porch instilled fear within her. And especially if the lights went on at night. She kept imagining that Killian somehow had gotten out of prison and was now coming for her.

Zelena rubbed her face. She was wearing one of Chad's big t-shirts and checkered pajama bottoms. Her red curls were ruffled from sleep, and her voice thick and slightly raspy as she said: "is everything alright, hun? You had me all worried when I found out you weren't in your bed."

Regina nodded, a tad guiltily. Chasing Zelena out of bed had never been her intention.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Zelena asked softly.

Regina hesitated. Her sister knew her too damn well, and she didn't want to keep singing the same old song. Sooner or later, her trauma would be a nuisance to listen to, right? Sooner or later, she had to get all of this go and move on with her life.

She settled with a slight shrug. That could mean anything. Not a confirmation. Not denying.

Zelena sat down next to her on the porch and winced slightly when her butt connected with the cold surface. Then she reached out and gently patted Regina's hand. "You don't have to pretend, you know," she said softly, looking right through Regina. "You can talk to me."

Talk.

If only.

But Regina understood what Zelena meant. She lifted her hands and wiggled her fingers, hoping that Zelena were able to understand Sign Language in the faint light out here. Her fingers trembled slightly as she signed: 'it is the same thing over and over again. I close my eyes and I'm back on that bedroom floor. I don't know what to do to make it go away.' Now all of her was trembling.

Her eyes stung, and Regina immediately felt guilty for crying in front of her sister. Again. How long did Zelena have to pick up the pieces of her? How long could she handle doing that? And for how long was Regina going to wallow in this? She was alive. She had gotten out of this with relatively few injuries. Her voice might be gone, but she was alive. And so was Henry. Why couldn't that be enough? How long was she going to be stuck in this self-pitying rut? She had been raised to hold her head high and keep soldiering on no matter what, and she had always taken pride in being able to go on no matter what. But now when she needed it the most, her fighter instinct seemed to have deserted her completely, and all she wanted to do was stay in her bed forever.

More tears pooled in her eyes, but no sound came out when they spilled onto her cheeks. She couldn't even cry any longer. He had taken that ability from her too. Along with her ability to laugh. Smile. Feel joyous or hopeful. In a manner of two years he had gradually broken her spirit. And in a manner of the twenty short minutes the attack had lasted, he had taken everything from her. Her voice. Her dignity. Nearly her life. In the blink of an eye, he had almost made himself the judge over whether she should live or die.

"Oh, sweetie," Zelena said as she wrapped an arm around Regina's shoulder.

Regina rested her head against her sister's shoulder and her hands trembled worse than ever when she wiggled her fingers and signed again. 'Why did he have to do this to me?'
she had done everything in her power to try and understand WHY he had done what he did to her that night. He had hit her before, yes. Slapped her quite a lot. Grabbed her too roughly now and then (that had mostly been in the bedroom), given her a black eye here, a throbbing jaw there, and shoved her about for a few times.

But it wasn't like he had pushed her onto the floor. He had never pushed her down the stairs or broken her bones. She had never ended up in the hospital because of him. Until that night. As horrible as it sounded, he had been consistent in his violent actions. Slaps and hard grips. But never anything beyond that. He had never escalated the violence. Until that night where the lid had come off and he had gone absolutely ballistic on her. How could he have gone from slaps to suddenly slamming her head into a wall and nearly choking her to death? How was it possible to perform such acts of violence? How had it not been possible for him to snap out of it and see what he was doing to her?

She had tried so hard to understand why, but she could not. And she had tried so hard to be everything for him. A proper housewife who always had a warm meal prepared for him in the kitchen. The perfect hostess who smiled whenever he invited his colleagues over. An effective chef who never failed to pack his lunch in the morning. A patient fiancé who listened every time he had a problem. A sexy, alluring creature in the bedroom who never would dream of denying him everything. He wanted to do it from behind? Fine. He ordered her to give him a blowjob? Why, there was nothing she'd rather to than pleasing her man. Of course it didn't matter if he yanked a little too harshly, he was just enjoying himself, that was all.

Regina hid her face in her hands when she thought about everything she had endured to keep him happy. She HAD been everything for him. A perfect fiancé, if there ever had been one. And he had still done this to her.

"Because he's a miserable, stupid lowlife who does not deserve to be on this earth!" Zelena growled as she wrapped her arms tighter around Regina. "That's why. He did this because he's a goddamn insane monster, and if you for as much as a SECOND think that it is your fault..."

Regina settled for sniffling slightly. Yes, in her darkest moments, she sometimes did think that this was in fact her fault. Staying with him would never have been an option, not after he had threatened to harm Henry, but she shouldn't have sprung it on him the minute he walked through the door. She should have waited until he was settled in with a cup of coffee or something. She should have sat down with him by the kitchen table and slowly easing him into the idea instead of waiting for him with a packed suitcase and a clipped tone. If she had handled it differently... maybe he wouldn't have hurt her.

"It was not your fault, Regina," Zelena murmured. Once again, she was looking right through Regina in that special way only a sister can.

Regina nodded slightly against Zelena's shoulder.

She knew that.

Of course she did.

Deep down, she knew that she could not be blamed for what Killian had done.

She couldn't be blamed for any of it.

But she could blame herself for not waking up and leaving him sooner.

What kind of example was she setting for her son when she couldn't even figure out how to leave an abusive bastard?

It was so simple.

If a man hits you once, you leave him.

Of course you do.

Why hadn't she been wise enough to know that?

Why had she stayed and put herself through that danger?

She had gone toe to toe with death that night, and it was a mere miracle that she was still here.

That Henry had not been left motherless.

Of course Henry didn't know the truth, and he wouldn't for a very, very long time.

But one day, when he was older (much, much older!) Regina would tell him the truth.

Someday.

Because she had always made a point of never lying to her son.

"Come on," Zelena said softly and gently rubbed Regina's back. "Let's get you inside. You'll end up catching a cold."

Now Regina realized just how cold she was, and she willingly allowed Zelena to help her up and escort her back inside the house.

The house was warm and cozy, and somehow, Regina's body gradually started to relax more and more.

"Do you think you'll be able to sleep again?" Zelena asked softly.

Regina immediately shook her head. No, definitely not. If she closed her eyes, she would be back in the bedroom. Back under Killian.

"Okay," Zelena said lightly. "You know, I'm not that sleepy either."

Regina raised an eyebrow. That was a lie. She knew it was.

"How about some hot chocolate?" Zelena suggested. "And some... Great British Bakeoff on Netflix?"

Regina smiled very, very slightly. The Great British Bakeoff. The best comfort series in the world. And just about the only thing she could handle seeing. Any type of violence in a movie or series suddenly triggered her and made her experience flashbacks. She nodded. She could use a good comfort series right now, but...

'You should go to bed,' she signed. 'You don't have to stay up with me. You have work tomorrow.'

"I'm aware," Zelena smiled, flicking her red hair away from her face. "But right now, I couldn't care less about that. I'm staying here. With you. To watch The Great British Bakeoff and drink cocoa. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my night than hanging out with my little sister." She smiled that particular smile. The thank-god-you're-still-here-smile. The I-don't-know-what-I-would-have-done-if-you-hadn't-survived-that-night-smile.

Regina returned the smile but felt so, so guilty.

How could she ever have thought about suicide?

How could she have been so selfish?

Simply focusing on her own pain and not thinking about the repercussions.

Leaving Zelena with the task of arranging her little sister's funeral.

Leaving Henry motherless.

Exchanging their Disney nights with visits to a headstone bearing her name.

Regina Mills. Beloved Mother and Sister. Gone to soon.

She had so much to live for. So, so much.

Regina walked over to Zelena who was now whipping out a pot so she could make the cocoa. Regina interrupted her by putting a hand on her shoulder.

Zelena turned around and raised an eyebrow slightly. "Is everything okay?"

Regina nodded and lifted her hands to sign what she could no longer say. 'I love you.'

Loving her older sister was the easiest thing in the world. From the day Regina knocked on a twenty year old Zelena's door in England and introduced herself as her younger sister, it had been the two of them against the world. Zelena had known that she was adopted, but she had never once dreamed that she had a younger sister somewhere out there, and she had bursted into tears when Regina had told her the truth about their mother. And then she had hugged Regina for a very, very long time. It turned out that even though Zelena had been adopted by loving parents, she had always been lonely. She had missed something in her life. A sister.

"Oh," Zelena smiled, setting the pot down on the stove. "I love you too, sis. Come here."

Regina stepped closer and willingly let Zelena hug her exactly like she had done back then. Upon releasing her, Zelena murmured: "I'm so glad you're here, sis."

Regina nodded. So was she. So, so glad. And eventually, she WOULD use her second chance for something more than feeling sorry for herself.

"Now..." Zelena hastily scrubbed over her eyes. "How about that cocoa?"

Regina smiled. Yes, some cocoa would be nice. She shifted a little and was pleasantly surprised at discovering that she actually felt a little better. Things didn't hurt quite as much as they had done when she was sitting on the porch in the darkness. And she wasn't nearly as cold.

Zelena was quick to make the cocoa and soon they were sitting in front of the television. Zelena switched on Netflix and found The Great British Bakeoff. "Chocolate week?" she asked Regina.

Regina nodded. She had always liked chocolate week the most.

"You got it," Zelena smiled, found the right episode and leaned back in the couch with her cup of hot chocolate.

Regina did the same. And as she watched the contestants make amazing creations out of chocolate, her mind at last slowed down. There was just something oh, so soothing about watching The Great British Bakeoff. Perhaps it could even be considered a kind of therapy. Therapy. It wouldn't be long before Regina had to meet her new therapist here in Vancouver. She was nervous about that. She had liked the therapist she'd had in the psychiatric hospital, and she hoped this one would be just as good. Regina was going into it with an open mind, and the only request she'd had, was that her new therapist was a woman. Actually, it had been more a demand than a request. It was essential that it was a woman. Interacting with men she had never met was not something Regina could imagine herself doing anytime soon. She trusted Chad, but that was different. He wasn't a stranger.

But other men... Regina did not trust them. It wasn't that she automatically thought that any man would do her harm, but there was just something inside her that panicked when a man as much as looked at her.

Regina took a sip of the hot cocoa and pushed the gloomy thoughts away. Decided that she did not want to think about it anymore. She wanted to relax with her cocoa and watch Great British Bakeoff with her sister.

Regina smiled at her sister and lifted her mug of cocoa slightly.

"Cheers, little sis," Zelena chuckled as they clinked their mugs together. "Five bucks that the delightful grandpa is gonna outsmart everyone!"

Regina nodded. There was a good chance her sister was correct about that...

When she woke up the following morning, she was slightly surprised to find herself laying on the couch. Her head was cushioned by a pillow. A blanket had been draped over her body, and Regina was puzzled. Why was she here instead of in her bed? She wasn't supposed to sleep on the couch.

The mystery was quickly solved, though. Zelena came into the living room with a cup of coffee in her hand. She sat it down on the coffee table and smiled at Regina. "Good morning, little sis."

Regina sat up. The blanket slid off her body, and she ran two fingers through her hair before using her fingers to sign: 'did I fall asleep here?'

"You did," Zelena confirmed with a soft smile. "Right in the middle in chocolate marshmallow tea cakes."

Oh. Regina frowned softly. Chocolate week was her favorite. She would have to watch the episode again.

"I made coffee for you," Zelena said, nodding towards the cup of coffee on the coffee table.

Regina frowned again and wiggled her fingers. 'I could have made that myself.'

"I know," Zelena acknowledged. "But you had a bit of long night. And I wanted to do something nice for my little sister. That's not a bad thing, is it?"

Regina shook her head. It was not. It was sweet.

She drank her coffee. Then she went upstairs and took her medicine in the bathroom. She took a shower. Got dressed. Cream colored slacks and a blue button up that tied at the front. Today was still not a skirt day. But that was okay. She was not a failure just because she couldn't wear a skirt on certain days. There were skirt days and there were slacks days. And she was certain that she soon would be able to wear one of her skirts again.

Then she woke up Henry. Her little boy wasn't very interested in getting up, but when she coaxed him with breakfast, he sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes sleepily. Then he smiled at her. "Good morning, mom."

Regina returned the smile and ruffled his hair. This might be a completely normal thing, but she was so happy to say good morning to her little prince.

He gave her a hug. He hadn't done that before the accident. The good morning-hug was a new tradition, and Regina absolutely loved it. It was a shot of dopamine directly into her heart.

"What's for breakfast?" Henry asked as he yawned.

Regina signed 'bacon and eggs', and Henry beamed at her in response. She left him to get dressed and went downstairs again. This was a perfectly normal morning, wasn't it? If it hadn't been for the words that were stuck in her throat, this could be like one of the mornings before the accident. Before everything.

Making bacon and eggs was a bit of a victory. Because she was able to do it without looking back over her shoulder. She could do it without wondering if she should really eat this. Killian had often commented on that. Women and what size he preferred them to be in. He hadn't directly said so, but he had certainly heavily implied that he had preferred 'petite' women.

Regina shifted a little in front of the stove. Her slacks were still a bit loose-fitting. She had lost so much weight over the past year. To make Killian happy. To show him that she could look like one of those 'petite' women he had talked so much about.

But the thing was, Regina was not built to be a petite women. She had curves, and she had been proud of her curves. Until she found out that her fiancé liked petite women. She had started by cutting out sugar of her diet. Then she had chosen salad more and more often whenever they went to a restaurant. Then breakfast had been replaced with smoothies. And then Killian had attacked her, and she had ended up in the hospital. There she had been measured and weighted, and she had been tipping the 'underweight-scale'. She had realized that what she had been doing had been very close to turning into a dangerous situation, and she had decided to stop. Of course, it hadn't been as easy as just deciding. But she had gotten help. Her psychiatrist had been amazing. And Regina had gradually started to eat again.

And she would never let anyone decide what her body should look like. She straightened her back slightly as she flipped the bacon.

"That looks nice," Zelena commented as she passed her.

Regina smiled but wondered. It was getting fairly late. Wasn't Zelena supposed to be at work now? Or was she meeting late? Again. She had done that quite a lot. Regina knew that Zelena didn't mind meeting late. And Zelena's boss didn't mind either. He was aware of the situation. But Regina wanted her sister to go to work at normal meeting hours. She wanted to prove that she could handle cooking breakfast for her son and then driving said son off to school.

She had to get back in the game.

Back to normalcy.

She WAS normal.

She just couldn't speak.

That was all.

No big deal.

Regina made a sort of scoffing sound.

Big deal.

Very big deal.

Enormous, life-changing deal.

Killian had taken away something so vital and personal from her that night.

He had literally stripped her of her ability to protest and say no.

He had turned her into the woman he had wanted her to be the whole time.

Obedient.

Silent.

'The perfect wife'.

"Is everything okay?"

Regina lifted her head. Zelena had clearly heard her little scoff. She quickly nodded. She was fine. Everything was fine. What good did it do to be bitter?

She turned her head to the staircase. The bacon and eggs were finished. But she couldn't shout for her son. Zelena did it for her.

It was sometime after breakfast, and Henry had just nipped upstairs to find his schoolbag, when Regina suddenly remembered that Emma Swan was going to meet Malena today. Regina found her phone and sent Emma a quick text: 'I just wanted to wish you good luck with your meeting today. I do hope I'm not bothering you. Don't let Mal intimidate you.' Maybe Emma would answer her. Maybe she wouldn't. Maybe she had already left Steveston.

But it didn't even take a full minute before her phone vibrated in the pocket of her slacks. She quickly retrieved it and checked the message. 'you are not bothering me at all! Thank you for wishing me good luck, I really appreciate that since I'm pretty nervous.'

Regina frowned. Emma was nervous. Was that her fault? Had she made Malena sound overly intimidating? That had definitely not been the intention. 'I'm sorry to hear you're feeling a bit nervous. I hope you don't feel that way because of what I said about Mal. Really, she's not that bad. She'll warm up to you soon enough. Just talk Stephen King to her, and you should be fine.' she sent the text and hoped that it could less some of Emma Swan's anxiety.

The answer came quickly again. 'I'll do that. You know her pretty well, don't you? Malena, I mean.'

Regina felt a stab of guilt when she thought about Malena. Over the last year, when Killian's abuse had escalated more and more, she had gradually put more and more distance between herself and Mal.

Killian hadn't liked Malena. He hadn't liked the fact that she was Regina's ex. He hadn't liked that Regina had been with women in general. All talk about bisexuality was a taboo. Unless he was the one taking up the subject. Which he had a couple of times. The times where he had tried to push her into having a threesome with him and another woman. The time where he had suggested Malena as a 'candidate', Regina had still had enough spirit left in her to fight. And she had yelled at him for ever coming up with something like that. Her identity as a bisexual woman did not exist to full fill whatever kink he had, she had told him. She had continued and informed him that if he ever spoke about her friends in such a lewd manner again, she would be out of there.

Killian had scoffed and rolled his eyes. Called her 'hysterical' and insisted that he merely had been joking. Regina knew that he hadn't, but she had been too furious to call him out on it. Later on, he had apologized more 'genuinely'. And she had forgiven him. He had successfully manipulated her doing that.

Regina tried to push it away as she replied to the text. 'Yes, we've known each other since high school. But unfortunately it's been a while since I last saw her.'

'Well, maybe you'll be able to see her soon?'

Regina sighed as she texted a quick reply. 'Maybe'.

Killian was gone now. He could no longer decide who she should and shouldn't see. So why didn't she reach out to Malena?

The answer was simple. She was embarrassed. It sounded completely ridiculously, but she was. She was embarrassed over the way she purposefully had ignored Malena's calls and texts over the past year.

It would have been so easy to pick up the phone and either text or say three little words. 'He hits me'. Malena would have come flying over to her, all rage and fury and remove her and Henry from the situation whilst spewing acid at Killian. But Regina had been afraid. Afraid of Killian coming for Malena instead.

And now? Well, now she had no idea how to have that conversation. And not only because she physically could not speak any longer. She was ashamed of herself. Ashamed of her weakness. During their time as a couple, Malena had once praised her for something. The way she never took any crap from anyone.

And now here Regina was. Bruised. Battered. Scared. Mute. A living proof of how much 'crap' she had taken from a single person. Malena would not only be shocked when she found out the truth. She would also start to pity Regina. And Regina couldn't bear the idea of her oldest friend who had been with her through thick and thin, pitying her.

"Who are you texting?"

Regina looked up at her sister. She had forgotten that she was still sitting with her phone. Now she put the device down to sign: 'Emma'.

"Oh," Zelena smiled. "That's nice. What's she up to? She getting ready for the meeting with Malena?"

Regina settled for a nod, for now Henry showed up in the kitchen and declared that he was ready to go to school.

Regina smiled and rose from the chair. She and Henry headed into the hallway where both of them put on their winter coats and boots.

Henry slipped an arm around her waist as they headed towards the car, and Regina draped her arm around his shoulders. She gave her boy a little squeeze. And when he asked if he could in the passenger's seat rather than in the backseat, she allowed him even though he wasn't quite tall enough.

Henry happily chitchatted as she drove. The clever boy made sure to only ask her yes or no question. Nod or headshake. He was such a smart boy. And he didn't seem upset that she couldn't answer him properly. One day, when she was still in the hospital, she had written down that exact question on a note. If he was upset that she couldn't talk anymore. She had given him the note and her stomach had churned while she waited for an answer. But Henry had just leapt from his chair and hugged her tightly while telling her that it didn't matter to him. As long as she was alive...

Regina didn't drive straight back home after having taken Henry to school. Instead she parked the car near a local park close to Henry's school. She had told Zelena that she would be going for a little walk so she didn't have to worry. Zelena did worry a lot about her these days. She had indeed asked if Regina wanted 'some company in the park'. Regina had texted no. She didn't need a babysitter. She was perfectly capable of going for a walk on her own.

The fresh air was good for her. It helped clearing her mind. And she wasn't afraid of walking here. There was plenty of daylight and there were other people in the park too. She met a couple who had a very exalted dalmatian puppy on a leash. It jumped up her coat when it got the opportunity.

"Digby!" the woman scolded. "No! Don't jump like that!" she looked at Regina. "I'm really sorry about that."

Regina merely smiled and gestured slightly towards the puppy.

"You can pet him," the woman said. "Go on. He's very friendly."

Regina crouched down and petted the puppy. Digby answered by licking her cheek and sticking a wet nose in her ear. If she could, she would have chuckled. Now she had to settle for just smiling at the couple and then be on her way. It was getting colder, and she had already been walking for a half an hour.

She headed back to the car to check the message she had received some time ago. She had felt her phone vibrate earlier, but she hadn't wanted to fumble with her gloves and phone while walking. But now that she was back in the car, this was a perfect opportunity.

'I've got a job!'

Oh. The text made Regina smile. Malena had given Emma Swan a chance. That was wonderful. She ignored her slightly stiff fingers and texted back. 'That's wonderful news, Emma! I'm so happy for you.'

'Thank you! Ugh, I was so nervous when I left, but now... I feel like I could climb a mountain or something.'

Again, Regina would have chuckled if she could. 'I must say, I had been fearing that Mal would be hard on you. I'm glad she chose not to live up to the nickname I once gave her.'

'And what nickname is that?'

Regina's smile widened as she answered that text: 'Maleficent.'

'Creative nickname, but she was definitely no Maleficent today. Nor was she a dragon.'

'I'm happy to hear that.'

'I think I might have stepped in it a little. I accidentally called her "Mrs. Drake". I don't think she liked that.'

No, Regina could imagine that. Malena detested the idea of marriage and being 'anyone's Mrs.' as she called it. Now Regina was starting to think that she was right. 'No, I can imagine she wasn't particularly fond of that. Mal prides herself in never having been married.'

'I'm starting my new job on Wednesday! I can't wait. Thank you so much for the heads-up. And I'm looking forward to having coffee with you on Tuesday.'

Oh. Regina looked at the text for a moment before replying. 'Me too'. And she could feel that she actually meant it. She WAS looking forward to having coffee with Emma Swan...

To Be Continued...