By now, we've left the 'common route'. This is full-on divergence territory, yeah! From now on, the events of this fic won't match up with those of Mariagoner's My Second Life as an Anti-Heroine. Instead, I'll be taking this fic in a different direction: still related, but no longer closely tied together.

Ignorance (Must Be Overcome)

Outside Katarina's suite of apartments, Maria's heart set a drumbeat pounding in her chest, counting the moments while she stood and waited for someone to open the door. Late at night, the darkness wrapped around her like an oversized cloak, making it difficult for her to see anything. She heard the patter of raindrops on the ground and felt slick wetness seeping through her hair. It seemed to evaporate as soon as it made contact with her skin, as if she burned with so much heat that it couldn't stand to touch her. Was that a magical effect of some kind? Had the emotions which boiled within her found a physical outlet? She had no way of knowing the answers to those questions.

Someone was shuffling about inside. Had they stumbled out of bed, rummaged in a drawer in search of matches, lit an oil lamp, and trudged into the next room? Was someone moving towards her, even now? It sounded like it.

Maria was left alone on the doorstep, with her unanswered questions, for a while longer. Finally, she heard a weary voice call out, "Who is it?"

"It's me," she replied, in a loud whisper. "May I come in?"

The door opened a few inches. Squinting in the darkness, Katarina's personal maid, Anne Shelley, peered out through the gap. "Miss Campbell? What are you doing here so late at night?"

"I need to speak to Katarina," she replied.

"Can it wait until morning? My lady needs her rest, the same as anyone else." Miss Shelley looked her up and down, taking note of her tearstained face and generally dishevelled appearance. "Perhaps you'd feel better after a good night's sleep," she said, not unkindly.

"No, I can't wait," said Maria, shaking her head. "Please let me speak to her."

"I suppose you'd better come in," said the maid, opening the door wide enough that she could go through.

During the day, the parlour was light and airy, designed to be pleasant and welcoming for guests. In the dark, it seemed gloomy and overlarge: the light from Miss Shelley's oil lamp was stretched much too thinly over too much space, unable to chase away the shadows which lurked in every corner; at night, ornaments which normally would have born witness to Katarina's stylishness and good taste took on a new and sinister aspect; instead of furniture, Maria saw only strangely-shaped silhouettes, arranged in a circle, like witches hunched around a cauldron. She shivered, feeling vaguely disquieted.

Miss Shelley lit another oil lamp and set it down on the table in the middle, shedding enough light that Maria was comforted by the familiar sights it revealed. "My lady keeps odd hours. I'm not sure when she'll be ready to receive you," she said with careful hesitance. "Please take a seat."

"Thank you," said Maria, sitting down in her usual chair. "I'll wait."

"I'll go check on her," said Miss Shelley, taking a few steps in the direction of Katarina's bedroom. "Perhaps she has returned."

"That won't be necessary," said the lady in question, appearing from the shadows with a suddenness which made her longsuffering maidservant yelp in surprise. "Thank you, Anne. I'll take it from here. You should go back to bed."

Lady Katarina Claes wore no makeup, which made her eyes seem even larger and more catlike than was usual for them. Her hair was tied back in quite a severe braid and she wore a simple grey dress which Maria was surprised she even owned. Bereft of her fine jewellery, elaborately coiffed hair, and the sumptuous gowns which every morning she donned like a soldier getting ready for war, she looked much less grand and imperious than she normally did; she looked softer and more vulnerable, somehow.

"Shall I make you both a drink while I'm up and about, my lady?" asked Miss Shelley, who had recovered enough that she was no longer shaking with fright. "Some hot cocoa, maybe?"

"That would be nice," said Katarina with a smile which seemed to light up the room. "Thank you again."

While the loyal maid bustled off to the kitchen, her mistress sat down in a chair next to Maria. Reaching out a hand to cup the young light mage's chin, she turned her face so that she could examine it closely. "Oh, my dear heart," she said tenderly, seeing the tracks left behind by her weeping. "I did not expect that you would have already been informed of my new arrangement with Jeord. But please do not worry: it will not be for long! I shall only be with him in public, to keep up appearances – to reassure the gossips and scandalmongers that all is as it should be – for the next few months, until the end of the school year. After that, you will be free to declare your love, proudly and openly, and live in harmony and bliss for the rest of your days!"

In the silence that followed, with her lady friend's encouraging smile beaming down upon her, Maria once again thought she heard the voice of a long-dead relative – was it her grandmother, who had died when she was very small? – muttering the words of an old folktale: When Lady Veronica opened the door, what do you think she saw? A bloody chamber, filled with the murdered bodies of many young women, some of them reduced to mere skeletons, all of them dressed in their wedding finery…

Forcing herself back to reality, Maria tried to make sense of what had just been revealed to her. "You're getting back together with Prince Jeord? But he treated you so horribly!"

"I am at least partly to blame for the rift which grew between us," said Katarina, looking as if it pained her to admit it. "We will never be together as husband and wife. There is too much history between us: too much pain, anger, and sorrow. I demanded more from him than he was willing to give; he needs someone much softer and sweeter than me, someone he can protect, who won't mind being a damsel-in-distress for him. I understand that, now." She gave a remorseful sigh. "However, I realised that our separation was causing trouble for both of us – and had the potential to cause trouble for many other people besides – so I have decided that we will be friends. As I am sure you know, Jeord is…" She paused, taking a deep breath. "He has many attractive features."

Maria nodded. Judging by what she had seen in meetings of the student council, on the rare occasions when he wasn't bickering with Keith, Prince Jeord had demonstrated his cool and incisive intellect, his leadership skills, and his gift for public speaking. She had no doubt that the woman she loved, who knew him much better than she did, could name many of his other good qualities, even if they were a mystery to her.

Getting up and gently embracing her, Katarina said, "So, you see, there is no earthly need for you to be dejected! I promise that you will only need to suffer for a little while longer before you gain everything you have ever dreamed of! You will be a queen – beautiful, charming, and radiant – whom all must admire and bow down to!"

Resting her head against her beloved's shoulder, Maria asked, "Your queen?" As she said it, she dared to believe that it might be true.

She heard merry laughter gusting past her. "Yes, no matter where I go or what I do in life, no matter to what distant shores I travel to, I will always remember you as my queen."

An agonized shriek escaped Maria's throat. She suddenly pulled away, struggling to escape from her friend's affectionate grasp.

"What's the matter?" asked Katarina, startled by this change in her behaviour.

"It's true, then. You're leaving," said Maria, as her eyes filled with tears and she felt a lump in her throat.

Her friend blinked in surprise. "How could you possibly know that?"

"How could you leave me? I need you!" Maria wailed, her face dripping with the waters of a new Great Flood. "What will I ever do without you?"

"It will be hard, I admit. I understand how you feel: I almost can't bear to let you go," said Katarina, a tender smile on her lips. "But, in the end, you will realise that you don't need me. I have made you strong enough to stand on your own two feet. It is for the best that I quietly depart and do nothing to obstruct the path of true love. Someday, you will be grateful to me for leaving, I can assure you." Heedless of the fresh tears which cascaded down her protégé's face, she leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

"You're the one I love!" Maria cried desperately.

"I know, but there's a difference between the love of two close friends, which we are, and the love of a young man and woman who are destined to be joined together in marriage," said Katarina. She took a handkerchief from her sleeve and offered it to Maria. "Dry your tears, my dear heart."

Taking a number of shaky, shuddering breaths, the young light mage did her best to steady herself, using the handkerchief to mop up the worst of the moisture which had spilled down her cheeks, knowing that she must look a frightful state.

"Perhaps you should blow your nose as well," said Katarina. "I'll get you another handkerchief."

Sometime later, after Maria had blown her nose, gone to wash her face, dried herself, and felt somewhat restored; after Miss Shelley had brought them two steaming mugs of hot cocoa, been thanked, and had gone back to bed; and after Katarina had draped herself over her protégé, stroking her neck and murmuring soothing endearments in her ears, the conversation began again.

"Who… who do you assume that I am going to marry?" said Maria, taking a sip of her cocoa, finding it too hot, and putting it back down on the tray.

"Your male admirer, of course! The one you have mentioned on numerous occasions," said Katarina with an amused chuckle. "I know that you didn't want me to know about him. You have been very discreet, the two of you, not want to hurt my feelings. Believe me, I am grateful for that. It was sweet and considerate of you to try to spare me the pain of finding out, but you mustn't worry: I've found out. There is no need for you to be so coy with me anymore."

"Katarina, there is no male admirer. When you first mentioned a 'male admirer', I assumed that you were speaking in code."

"Why would I be speaking in code?" asked her friend, a look of bafflement on her face.

A rosy blush made Maria's cheeks heat up. "Well, as I'm sure you know, romantic love between two people of the same sex is forbidden," she said, eyes downcast. "I had assumed that you were speaking in code because you didn't want to inadvertently reveal to people that I had inclinations which they might not approve of."

Katarina's eyes grew wider still, which seemed like it shouldn't even be possible. "Does that mean… you have a female admirer?! Since when? Have you ever…?" She heaved a frustrated sigh. "I wish I had known earlier. I might have…" Shaking her head, she said, "Never mind, I suppose it is too late now. No matter what I do, it has always been too late for me."

"There is no female admirer," Maria admitted. "Or, that is to say… I thought you were my female admirer, Katarina."

"That was foolish of you, Maria!" cried her patroness, laughing merrily.

Tonelessly, the young light mage said, "Yes, it was, wasn't it?"

"Even so, no harm has been done!" Katarina gave her a bright, cheerful smile. "I am sure that in later years, you and your husband will look back and laugh at the silly mistakes you both made when you were young."

"Katarina, I don't want a husband," she said, tears welling up in her eyes again. "I want you."

"You are a wonderful friend, Maria, the best friend I have ever had, but I won't allow you to deprive yourself of the life and love you deserve," said Katarina. "Not for my sake."

Blinking back the tears, Maria breathed deeply, rubbing her forehead in pain as she felt a migraine coming on. "You don't believe me, do you?" she said, suppressing a sigh of exasperation. "Very well, allow me to show you. This is how I feel about you."

She advanced towards Katarina, who suddenly looked very uncertain. Pressing herself against the young noblewoman, reaching around to the back of her head and tilting it gently forwards, she stood up on tiptoe and kissed her on the lips. Though she was hardly an expert, she poured all of her fervent passion into that kiss, the boundless affection she felt for the woman who had given her a new and better life, and all of her wild hopes and foolish longings.

As their lips moved together, she felt her beloved responding to the kiss. Warm arms encircled her. She leaned back as the taller girl leaned closer, worrying at her lower lip. Her knees grew weak. Katarina grabbed hold of her waist, dipping her. They continued to kiss until they were both out of breath.

Then, just before they broke apart, feeling very daring, Maria slipped her tongue into Katarina's mouth.

Gasping for breath, a dazed expression on her face, her beloved could only stagger away like a man on a week-long drunken bender. "That was… That was lovely, Maria. But you should know that highborn noblewomen don't kiss their friends on the lips," Katarina said, speaking automatically, in a rapid-fire staccato burst. Even if her words made sense, there was no real thought behind them. "And what you did with your tongue… mmm. Between friends, that sort of thing is very much frowned upon. When you become queen, you will have to–"

"You kissed me back," the young light mage pointed out.

"Of course, I…" Katarina's mouth opened and closed several times, but no sound came out. She tried to start again, saying, "I always…" But her voice trailed away into silence. It was clear that she couldn't think of any explanation, plausible or otherwise, for what had just happened between them.

"I love you, Katarina," Maria told her. "Do you understand, now?"

With a glassy look in her eyes, her noble patroness walked over to her, kissed her sweetly on the cheek, and said, "You are such a wonderful friend to me, Maria. I feel closer to you than I have to any other woman."

"How else can I put this?!" she cried out, despairing. "I want us to be more than friends! I want us to be lovers! I want you to take me to bed and do lewd things to me!"

Both of them were stunned into silence by her words. When Maria realised what she had just said, she felt rather faint. For the first time ever, she saw a luminescent blush spread across Katarina's face. The woman she loved more than anything, who was normally so bold and brazen, had lost the power of speech.

"Um… only if you want to, of course," said Maria, raising her hands in meek surrender.

A few garbled nonsense words dribbled out of her friend's open mouth. Then, pulling herself together, Katarina took a deep breath, put on her usual self-confident smirk, and said sardonically, "Are you… are you saying that you wouldn't be an active participant in our lovemaking? How disappointing! Maria, if I were to take you into my bed, I would want you to be as eager, energetic, and generous a lover as I myself am capable of being."

"Yes, please! If you want me, I will do that for you!" Maria promised her. "Say the word and I will do whatever you want me to!"

Katarina's smile faded. She looked lost and overwhelmed. "You… you love me? Truly? But you can't love me," she said, as if saying it made it incontrovertible. "It isn't possible."

"Why isn't it?" asked Maria, putting on a mask of determination. "You are beautiful, charming, and a wonderful person. You saved me from a lifetime of misery, gave me strength and hope for the future, and made me into a better person than I otherwise could have been. Even if there weren't so many other things which I admire and adore about you, I think that I would have fallen in love with you for that reason alone."

"But – but – but you love Jeord! How can you love me as well?"

"Prince Jeord? Your betrothed? I hardly know him. I have spoken to him a few times, during our student council meetings, but I don't think he likes me very much." Maria frowned, very perturbed by the fact that so many people – Sienna, Keith, and now Katarina – seemed to think that she and Jeord would make a good match, despite her objections and the fact that he seemed to actively dislike her. "I must say, the feeling is mutual. Considering how poorly he treated you, I have little regard for him. Even if I wasn't in love with you, there would be no possibility of my falling in love with him."

"You're supposed to love Jeord!" Katarina cried out in confusion and panic, seemingly paying no attention to what Maria was saying. "You would have been his sweet and gentle bride, whom he would have loved with such intensity that he would have given up everything to be with you – but I've made it so that he won't have to! I made you into the perfect queen for him!"

Maria felt very cold. Sickness settled in her stomach. Previously, when she had insisted on this meeting, she had wanted to be reassured: she had wanted to believe that Keith had been mistaken in his belief that Katarina was unaware of her love; she had wanted to believe that she and Katarina shared a bond of mutual love which would never be broken. Now, she realised that she had been mistaken. She felt utterly foolish and ashamed.

Over the pounding of her poor broken heart, she once again heard the words of the old folktale which had become an accompaniment to her own misfortunes.

"I dreamt that yesterday I travelled to your castle," said Lady Veronica. "I travelled many miles before I found it. Past the woods and over the hills, I found it. It had high walls and a deep moat, and above the gateway were written the words, 'Be Bold, Be Bold.'"

"It is not so, nor was it ever so," said Lord Reynard.

Picking up a mug and taking a mouthful of tepid cocoa, partly as a distraction, but mostly so that she could add a little moisture to her dry mouth, Maria hesitated for a moment, then asked, "Is that the reason for your 'training me to be a queen'? So that I could be a more suitable bride for Prince Jeord?"

"Yes! I'm glad you understand," said Katarina with a nod.

"So, when you split up with Jeord four months ago, you immediately decided to… what?" asked Maria in a low and dangerous tone, feeling angrier than she could ever remember being. Years ago, she had been very angry when her father had deserted her mother, but back then she had been too young to fully understand what was going on. In a way, she had blamed herself. Here and now, this was worse. She felt betrayed. Katarina had befriended her, showered her with kindness and affection, and made her fall in love with her; but all the time they had been together, she was planning to give her away to someone else, as a parting gift to a cast-off lover. "To procure a replacement for him, as if you were a panderer? What does that make me, Katarina? How do you think that makes me feel?"

"I entered the keep, crossed the hall, went up the stairs and into the gallery, where I found a door above which were written the words, 'Be Bold, But Not Too Bold, Lest Your Heart's Blood Should Run Cold.'"

"It is not so, nor was it ever so," said Lord Reynard.

"And then I opened the door," said Lady Veronica, "and I found a room filled with the bodies and skeletons of many young women who'd been murdered, all of them dressed in bloodstained wedding clothes."

"It is not so, nor was it ever so, and God forbid that it ever should be so," said Lord Reynard.

All of her old fears came back, more terrifying than ever. She remembered the dire warnings she'd been given before she left home: that she would be seduced by a rakish nobleman who would impregnate and then abandon her; or that she would be tricked into working in a brothel like so many other peasant girls who had gone to the big city in search of a better life. She couldn't believe that Katarina, of all people, whom she loved and trusted more than anyone, would do something like this to her.

"I suppose I should be grateful that you found me such a wealthy client," Maria said bitterly. "If nothing else, at least you didn't think that I would sell my maidenhead cheaply."

Wide and alarmed, Katarina's eyes shone like lanterns in the gloom. "Maria, I didn't mean it like that! I wanted both of you to be happy! I wanted you to be a queen!"

"How would that ever have worked? I am a commoner. He is a prince. I have no lands, no title, no wealth, no influential relatives – indeed, nothing that he or his family would value, other than my magic – and there are plenty of rich, powerful noblewomen who have strong magic. Of course, I shouldn't have to tell you any of this. You know it already. Everything I know about the nobility and their marriage market, I learned from you."

"I…" An agony of indecision twisted her patroness's pretty face. Maria waited for the moment when she would decide to tell the truth; instead, she thought she saw the moment when Katarina decided to lie to her: "I thought you would be good to one another. You are soft, sweet, and caring, just the kind of woman he likes. He would love and care for you, I'm sure: much better than he ever did for me!"

"It is not so, nor was it ever so," said Maria. "And God forbid that it ever should be so." She felt as if she were in a bad dream. Her legs were heavy and her mind had gone blank. She put down the nearly-empty mug of cocoa dregs. "I think… I would like to go home now."

"Home?" Katarina cocked her head to one side, looking bemused. "You are a long way from home."

"To my room. To my own bed. To sleep," the young light mage amended. She slowly shuffled in the direction of the front door. "Goodbye, Katarina. Thank you for your many kindnesses."

Her… her friend moved ahead of her, putting a hand on the wall and barring her passage. "You should stay here tonight," she said. "I can see that you are in no condition to go blundering about in the dark by yourself. I know that you are angry and upset with me, but please – I would never forgive myself if anything bad happened to you – take my advice, stay here tonight. You can have my bed." After a moment's hesitation, she continued, "There is no need for you to worry about your maiden virtue. I will sleep on the floor."

"I would have given that 'maiden virtue' to you, if you'd wanted it," said Maria, feeling pathetic and ashamed.

Katarina stared at her for a moment. "But not anymore, I assume. How do you feel about me now?"

"I do love you. I want you to know that, even if you don't want me." She swallowed hard. "You won't have to see me again if you don't want to. Just like you did with Sienna and the others."

"Maria, stop! Whatever else you feel for me, you are my best friend," said Katarina, throwing her arms around her and giving her a tight hug. "No matter what happens, I don't want to lose you."

"Yet you plan to flee the country, leaving me and everyone else behind, at the end of the school year."

"Yes," her friend admitted.

"It's late. We should talk about this tomorrow," said Maria, giving up. "Instead of 'queen training', perhaps, now that I have no need for it?"

"Hadn't you better keep it up, just in case?"

"In case of what? In case Prince Jeord suddenly falls in love with me?" She laughed bleakly, "I don't want him. You can keep him."

"I don't want him either!" Katarina declared.

"Nevertheless, you are back with him, as his betrothed."

"As friends, nothing more!"

"Does he know that? Or have you led him to believe that he might have a chance of reviving the love you once felt for him?"

"I am sure I made my intentions clear," said Katarina, though a slight frown creased her features. "There is no chance of him having misunderstood."

"That… is something else we should discuss tomorrow," said Maria. "For now, please let me go."

"Are you sure? It's very dark out there. I would prefer it if you stayed here, where I can guarantee your safety."

Summoning her magic, Maria conjured a glowing light in the palm of her hand. For a moment, until she covered it with her other hand, the parlour room was as bright as day. "You forget, I am a light mage," she said. "I carry my own light with me wherever I go. The dark holds no terrors for me. Not unless I allow it to."

Her friend gave her a doubtful glance. "And you didn't do that before because…?"

"You are the one who taught me that nobles don't tend to use their magic except in an emergency," said Maria. "It's not as if I have unlimited reserves. But don't worry, I have more than enough to see me back to my own room."

"Are you sure that you will be all right?" asked Katarina.

Maria hesitated, for a moment, considering how she could give a truthful answer to that question. "Eventually," she said at last.

After that, she was allowed to leave. She used her own light to help her navigate the magic academy campus, until she reached the old and rather dingy building – one of the halls of student residence, due to be knocked down and replaced in a few years' time – where she had been given a little room of her own, which was hers for the duration of her stay at the Magic Academy. Some of the shadows seemed to follow her as she went.

She slept fitfully that night. Her dreams were dark and tormented.

Author's Note:
I would like to thank Mariagoner for the help and support she gave me when I was thinking about my ideas for this chapter, and for the suggestions which have helped me to plan out the future direction of the 'Katarina/Maria route' in this fic.

Also, thanks to Palhinhaea (on AO3) for taking a look at my half-completed chapter and reassuring me that it didn't completely suck, which was what I needed at the time; and to fmriver for giving some suggestions which altered my way of thinking about this chapter, which made me decide to change how I went about it.

Thank you all for reading this!