the home that we claimed

by sasuukeh

Asuka wonders if this is her fate for the rest of her life: to be in the uncertain, teetering middle of a maybe-love with him. —judai/asuka. post-canon au. slow burn; multi-chaptered.

10. ten

x. ten;

The next day, the twelfth day of his stay, Asuka decides to make use of the cantaloupes in her fridge. She still has some of the mandarin oranges kept from her birthday, but she thinks oranges probably wouldn't be sufficient for a day this warm.

Judai watches her slice the pieces into smaller cubes. "Could I have the big chunks?"

She smiles with good-intentioned humor in her eyes. "It's going to be split half-and-half, you glutton." Asuka puts the diced pieces in a large bowl before she rinses them and pulls out the smaller bowls, making sure to dispose of the peels later. Before she goes to rinse off her knife, she lightly slaps his hand away from the bowl. "No stealing!"

"Fine." Though, when she turns and puts the knife away, she sees him chewing and pretending to look elsewhere about a minute later.

Shaking her head, she returns to the dining table after she takes two smaller bowls and forks from her cupboards. "Just for that, you don't get one extra piece," she chides knowingly. She begins to evenly pour the pieces in the bowls, because he's clearly demonstrated his ability to be fair.

"Because the extra piece is in my stomach already," he cheekily adds, grinning after he swallows.

She shakes her head at his shenanigans. "Come on, I'm eating in the living room. Nii-san's rerun of his show should start soon, and I want to watch it." Normally she's careful about food in the living room because of crumbs, but it shouldn't be too bad with fruits. Asuka begins to take her bowl and fork, and she walks to sit on the couch.

He mimics her, seated next to her as she takes the remote to turn on the television. "I think I've seen some of his shows before when I'm on the road. I see them on TV displays sometimes when I pass by." He starts eating.

Finding the correct channel, Asuka puts the remote next to her and begins to neatly eat with her fork. "He's really good at them," she offhandedly says, thinking about how much passion her brother puts into his shows. She had only managed to see a handful of them because of her work times, but luckily he had informed her of his occasional summer shows that she could catch instead. "Nii-san sends his regards to you, by the way."

"You've mentioned me to him?"

She swallows, but something like dread is in her stomach rather than sweet melon. "No, he just sometimes wonders how you are."

Bringing him up is not an option. Fubuki knows that Judai visits her from time to time, and it's obvious that her loudmouth brother would, no doubt, burst his lungs out if he finds out what transpired during these past two weeks for her. She'd have to somehow describe a span of two long, emotional weeks as normally as she can while Fubuki will probably sit in front of her and gawk and absorb everything like a deranged sponge.

She wouldn't really know what to say anyway.

What does offering her apartment as 'home' count as? What does holding hands together on the walk back to her apartment count as? What does sitting five-inches-but-not-really-five-inches apart count as? What is it called when all of that happened after he rejected her? What does it mean when his own soul companion feels the need to tell her that everything is okay? What does it mean when she still loves him—

Yeah, she's not telling Fubuki.

"Oh." Judai eats another piece of cantaloupe. She shakes her head briefly to get rid of her thoughts because it's not worth the headache. "You can tell him that I'm doing good." She simply nods. He's always doing good anyway. He looks at her bowl briefly. "Hey, that's a really big piece! I want it," he complains, gesturing to the piece with his fork.

Asuka blinks and stares at it. "Too bad it's mine." She stabs it with her fork to make a point. He melodramatically sighs, like he would wither away if he didn't have it. Used to his behavior by now, she rolls her eyes and lifts the piece up to his face. "Here."

"I can have it?"

Just to poke fun at him, she starts lowering her arm to her mouth at a slow pace. "I changed my mind."

It happens very quickly: he launches himself forward to take a bite as it hangs by her fork, and she almost drops her fork after noticing how close his face is to hers. She almost drops the fork altogether, but it starts becoming awkward when he looks up after he swallows and all she can do is sit there because she feels like she has malfunctioned somewhere.

She doesn't know what he sees, but she sees brown, and she starts wondering if his orange-green eyes would look as nice as they do now from this unidentifiable proximity. Or perhaps not, after all? She'd rather see the eyes she's most familiar with than foreign, bright orange-green: they're the same brown as his hair, not as dark as Fubuki's hair, but a shade of mellow chocolate that she fondly recognizes as Judai's shade of brown.

Their noses would bump if she shifts.

It's a little bizarre to Asuka, really. He's always been far away from her, even if he's currently sitting right next to her, the sinking of the couch cushions being proof. Even if they sat together yesterday in her room, even if they held hands, his heart is nowhere near hers. At least, not in that way.

This is the probably the closest she can ever reach towards him.

It stays like this for a few long moments—

"10 JOIN!"

She blinks.

Asuka is the first to look away, startled. When she looks at her fork, the piece had fallen into her bowl that she held up in case it really did fall from her fork. Judai's bite mark is still there. She hasn't looked at him yet, so she doesn't know what reaction he has. Can't really look at him right now anyway.

First heartbreak, she repeats consolingly. Facts remain facts and she's accepted that for a while, so her heart is throbbing in bittersweetness. Because nothing will happen. This was a one-sided thing to begin with. A perpetual, vicious cycle of her being in love and being unable to move on. It probably doesn't affect him, so nothing will happen. Holding hands and sitting close to each other were already things they did with no problems, so this is probably another one of those things.

They are still here because they are still friends and roommates and he considers her important enough to stay. This pain inside of her is just the aftereffects of heartbreak. It's not because of anything else, right?

Right…?

Distractedly, she looks at her brother smiling from the screen and wonders if he could offer her any brotherly words of wisdom. Despite his inability to be serious most of the time, Fubuki does know where the line for that crosses and Asuka feels like she would like the comfort he could've offered as her brother. Fubuki always knew how to cheer her up.

A fork timidly takes the bitten piece from her bowl, and she lets her eyes follow it. Judai is chewing the piece slowly, looking at the television screen. She sees pink dusting his cheeks, probably from awkwardness. It's understandable, really. Awkwardness seems to be more common with them ever since her birthday.

Quietly watching Fubuki again, she snacks on the rest of her cantaloupe pieces. She distracts herself by smiling endearingly at her brother as he performs, cheering inside her head. It's just like him to bounce around the stage with a dramatic flair that only he can pull off—Fubuki will always stay as Fubuki like that. (Nii-san, I miss you.)

At the end of the show, Fubuki makes a dedication to his friends and family and his sister. He does not mention her by name, but Asuka warms up at the thoughtful sentiment as she watches him disappear behind the curtains with another exuberant, "10 JOIN!" She reminds herself to tell him that she watched today's show when they have their next call. Due to the time zone differences, she had to watch the rerun, but he did mention this was his latest show dated within this week. Fubuki always loves it when he knows that she watches his shows even if it's not live.

When she turns off the television, Asuka notices one more piece of melon in her bowl left uneaten. She takes a peek at Judai's bowl and sees it empty, so she gently stabs the remaining piece with her fork. Bravely, she offers it to him. "Would you like it?"

He darts his eyes to her. "I thought you said I couldn't have one extra piece."

"I'm… full!" she mumbles. "I'd feel bad if I wasted it."

"So you give me your leftovers?" It must be really easy to tease her like it's some firsthand reflex, because he does it so flawlessly even if it sounds tepid.

Embarrassed, she begins to lower her fork back into her bowl, but he gently grabs her wrist and holds it in place. Thinking he's going to repeat earlier, she braces herself and ducks her chin down. If she keeps her head down, the most that could happen is an accidental headbutt which is good because there would be no awkward, unidentifiable proximity again. Maybe if she keeps her head down, she wouldn't have to look at him and feel the painful throbbing again.

Something tilts her head up, startling Asuka, and she begins to wonder what's happening. Her eyes can see his face near hers and something touches her cheek, near the corner of her lips, and she also wonders why near her lips because she specifically remembers that he rejected her—

Her fork is left untouched.

"Ju…" She lacks the strength to say his name, only ending up with some half-mumble. She'd ask herself if this is a dream—an extremely badly-timed and ill-placed dream—but reality has developed a fond hobby of toying with her as of lately.

Fifteen year old Judai would never do that.

What's happening?

A little dazed, she commends herself for not freaking out as she observes the color changes on his face. In fact, her heart feels like stopping for a bit. She hasn't flushed red herself, which is oddly remarkable already if the shock wasn't so prominent right now. She can't really move nor can she speak right now. Somewhat catatonic, she sits there and simply blinks at him; rinse and repeat.

Are first heartbreaks supposed to send so many mixed signals?

Judai awkwardly coughs into his fist, and she thinks they seemed to have reversed their roles. Was it like this for him when she confessed? Although, she didn't kiss— "I'm working on it," he says, very strained and awkwardly brave. Owlishly, she listens as he lets go of her wrist. "On sorting out my feelings and stuff. Uh— Yeah…" Frustrated, he rubs the back of his neck.

For comfort, she reminds herself that he definitely knows how she feels about him by now and she thinks she can't be even more obvious than she already is. If he stuck around her until this point, then it's probably some sign. She doesn't really know anymore, honestly. Really, she doesn't.

She thought they would just stay as friends because they got along like that and it works the best for him. She thought they would just stay as friends because love makes him uncomfortable due to his experiences and trauma. She thought they would just stay as friends because he's her first heartbreak.

Growing up, love was a simple concept for Asuka to understand. You love someone, they love you back, then you two can be happy together. You love someone, they reject you, then you move on. Rationally, one of these two paths will befall her if she falls in love, and she'd be ready to take the consequences once it came, whichever one it may be. But instead of moving on, she just kept loving Judai. She's honestly tried to move on, but everything always traces back to him somehow. So she gave up and settled for friendship instead. As long as she didn't think about things in a romantic sense, it should've been fine. And everything had been going great.

Then he kissed her today, and something inside snapped. He broke her logic, as if breaking her heart wasn't already enough.

Love is actually very complex.

But it's probably not as complex as Judai.

"...What did you think of so far?" No matter how she words it, it will make her tread on sensitive ground regardless.

He exhales. "I like that you're around." She averts her eyes, bravery thoroughly sinking. "Food always tastes really good when it's from you. Not sure if it's what you used to make it, but I always think that 'it's delicious because Asuka made it,' and— And I think it makes you happy when I eat your food. I've seen you smile a lot about it at the table." He looks awkward. "It makes me feel happy too; sort of like when I looked at those books. I like seeing you happy, Asuka."

Tensing, she cannot meet his eyes.

She says nothing, so he talks: "I like being able to come back and sit at the table with you and eat together—because I know you always make sure everything tastes great. You even add extra shrimp a lot of times, even when I don't ask for it." She didn't think he really noticed that. "I know I've visited you before, but we never really got to go fishing together or go through stores together either. It was always one of us going. It sort of sucks staying here when you're out."

Her mind is disheveled. "What about Yubel?" Wait. Yubel told her that everything is okay. Her heart is thudding in anxiety. The thought is buzzing: So why did I bring them up?

"Yubel does keep me company, but you get lonely, right? I… noticed you have some pictures of everyone in your room. Whenever I come, the guest room hardly looks used. Johan always has his spirit family for company, and Jim has Karen. But not you. I know you were talking to Junko and Momoe yesterday, but they looked ready for bed. I got the feeling that you didn't really have time to talk anymore." Judai averts his eyes, self-consciously. "So... It makes me happy to know that I can do that for you. To stay over. I-I know how it feels."

Is this why he called her a hermit? Is this why he likes to call the two of them roommates?

Because he knew?

Her lips are dry, but she stays strong. "You're right." Her job at school keeps her company and she loves her students, but none of that can rival Duel Academia. "I hardly get visitors. Junko and Momoe have jobs. Nii-san has his work and career to focus on. Since I'm so far away, even finding time to video chat is hard. You're the only one who visits me anymore."

Fubuki tries his hardest to schedule visits for her, but she knows it can be hard on him about it. He drops by a lot for his vacation time, but she never knows when those are for him. She's more than content with his late-night phone calls instead. But even so, phone calls are still phone calls. They'll still be distances away. Loneliness sucks, but Asuka is used to it because she's a grown woman who needs to stand on her own two feet. Still, talking to empty air in her home is a sad feeling for her when she's so used to seeing everyone at Duel Academia, and it was Judai who probably found out when he saw her crying last week while reading Fubuki's letter.

"Which is why I was thinking—" he tentatively brings up. "—that it wouldn't hurt if I come back more often and… stick around here with you whenever I drop by…?"

Her breath hitches for a moment. "What…?"

"That's what my thoughts led up to—"

They've discussed this before, at the lake, so this shouldn't be a surprise anymore. But it's in the way he said it; it makes her think about it differently. Like he has another message for her.

Asuka is not a bragger, but she thinks she can safely claim that she knows Judai long enough to read his mannerisms and behavior. His time in the Dark World may have molded his personality for a while, but a mold must have a base. The base is still there. Judai is still there. He may be loud or brash or eccentric, but he is also quiet and thoughtful and normal. And as a normal person, it's okay for him to be confused. It's no secret that he loves all of his friends, it's no secret that he'd do anything for them. She's noticed that confidence is something Judai sometimes lacked for himself. He used to take everything at face value, and it had cost him greatly because it blinded him from stopping to think things through first. He went that far to save Johan, and it severely cost him a lot.

After coming back from the Dark World, he began to consider that. He began considering more: thinking, contemplating, reflecting. Thinking so much that he went into self-isolation and avoided everyone, to which she thinks is so that he wouldn't end up doing a repeat of ill-placed deaths and unintentional loss. He tries to think things through now if they're really important, because he learned that his actions have consequences.

So, to Asuka, she can tell that if Judai makes a decision about something important that concerns a friend, he really puts his whole attention into it. He's not the best at talking things out with people, but she can tell he's trying.

And he's here, right now, in front of her, doing that.

Suddenly, something makes sense in her head. Could the 'problem' Yubel told her to resolve be this? She had been given two options to either move on or continue loving Judai, and she had chosen both at some point before deciding with the latter when the first one wouldn't work. During the time it took for her to decide that for herself, could it be that Judai was also given options of his own…?

Could Yubel have wanted her to resolve this by making sure she chose her option so that it could correspond to what Judai chose?

Could it be that she chose the right thing by choosing to still love him?

Could it be that Judai chose—

Widening her eyes, she cannot think out the rest of that sentence. Her heart begins to lurch again, and this feeling in her chest is like warm sunshine. She tenderly smiles. "Judai?"

He ceases his awkward tangents and looks at her. "Yeah…?"

This time, she needs no courage because she'll say it to his face. No feeling forced to say it, no saying it while he's asleep. Change is good. Change is happening. And she's changing too. She's braver than this, and she will do what she originally couldn't. This time, she'll get it across on her own: "I love you."

"A-Ah…" he murmurs, highly embarrassed, resolutely staring at the floor than her face. Red color wheels would shrivel at the sight of the bright hues on his face. Judai looks like he's struggling. It must have taken him a lot of courage to tell her all of this, like it's really that important to him. Change is good, she told him. Maybe her words inspired something for him. There is no rejection this second time, and perhaps this is a sign of more change.

So she tells him, "Take your time," genuinely because she knows he is still coping with many things and she loves him to a point where she wants him to take those steps to his personal recovery first before focusing on her. Because to Asuka, he matters.

Quietly, he looks down. "Even if it still takes me a while?"

"I'm a teacher; I'm patient," she says lightheartedly. "Besides, hermits don't really go anywhere—so, I'll still be around. I've had a lot of time to do my thinking about my feelings too. You also have time. Everyone does. You just need to use it."

Taking her fork, she kindly shakes the uneaten piece of cantaloupe off of it and into his bowl. Asuka proceeds to stand up and goes to the kitchen sink to clean her bowl, leaving him to contemplate by himself.

.

.

This time, dinner essentially appears the same: same procedure of making food and laying it out on the table, same arrangement of her sitting on one side of the table while he sits across from her. Same. It's a miracle by now how she managed to handle it, because Asuka hadn't been too sure if she could. The revelation she had stumbled upon earlier echoes in her mind, and even though Yubel never actually gave her much to base anything off of, they did let her know that Judai clearly became affected by the events of this week. Which she thinks is rather odd, given her birthday.

The rejection. She thought it would be a thing of the past after that talk at the lake, the repair of their friendship, that he wouldn't be dwelling on it anymore after he rejected her because a rejection is still an answer. And she's not the type who'd force a reconsideration while acknowledging that it would definitely shift their relationship.

But of course, Judai is unpredictable. It's been a fact for so long that it's an anomaly how she could've not considered it until this afternoon happened. She confessed a second time, and she thinks the sting of the rejection gave her some immunity this second time. Or maybe she had gotten some bravery from the way it looked like he was reconsidering it—

"You cooked fish this time."

She blinks and looks up, chopsticks in her mouth. He's staring at the plate with his fish. "I did."

Judai pauses briefly, and asks, "Why?" It's like he wants an answer for something.

So Asuka exhales for a moment, simply replying, "Because you like fish." She remembered he told her that. She remembered everything he told her that day on their second trip to the lake. She remembered both trips. "I ran out of shrimp," she adds, for conversation.

Fish isn't something she eats too much, but she keeps it in her apartment because it makes him happy. He told her that her cooking is great. She already knew she possesses above-average culinary skills because of her background and upbringing, but it feels special coming from him. She could hardly remember the last time she had cooked for someone who wasn't Fubuki.

He quietly studies his rice, absently picking at it with his chopsticks. "I see."

"Why?" she softly replies, also picking at her food.

It takes him a moment or two to answer, "Nothing." He smiles at her, something genuine with the simplicity of the gesture this time. Taking a piece of fish off the plate, he takes his time chewing slowly. "It tastes really good," he says back, with equal softness, like there is something more in these words than just a compliment about the taste.

Regardless, the words make her smile back, enveloping her with courage to say, "I can make more next time if you like it."

His eyes flicker up from his rice to her eyes, and she feels still for a second. "That'd be great," Judai responds, and his tone makes him seem certain about something.

It makes her tentatively joke, "I can serve it with the shrimp, so you can have both at once," because he loves eating both of them. It would make him happier.

His eyes crinkle, and Judai eats another bite of rice. "Even better!"

"Because you like both of them?" she says back, chewing on her rice as well.

"Because you made it," he replies without looking up, and Asuka can make out a smile behind the rim of his bowl.

A beat skips inside her chest, then another and another: it's a very gentle rhythm this time. She can tell the events of this afternoon still lingers in his head like with her. She repeats to herself: Change is good. Because there is no tension this time. This itself is serendipity right now.

They continue eating, this silence a peaceful one.

.

.

The thirteenth day is different than yesterday, she thinks. Or maybe it is different, just in a way that she can't see.

She spends her day by going through her mail, in the kitchen where her dining table is, and collecting some postcards from Fubuki and some of their other friends while tossing away the miscellaneous things like advertisements. Judai spends his day by going out on a walk after breakfast. ("I'll be back," he had told her, smiling. She believed him.) Asuka made no move to stop him, because the open air would do him some good.

The afternoon had been spent by writing responses to more of Fubuki's lighthearted postcards because he likes collecting her physical responses. Ryo sent her something too, a similar-sized postcard with his and Sho's photo, which shocked her because she knows he doesn't really mail things when he and Sho are sometimes flying back and forth between tournament buildings from country to country. Perhaps her brother really did convince Ryo to mail her something from his vacation, after all. She'll message Ryo back instead of writing, for his sake.

Momoe mailed her an envelope with some of the old graduation photos she kept, most of them involving Asuka that she didn't own. Momoe's letter written on cute stationery paper reads: If you ever feel nostalgic, you can have these! Happy birthday! with lots of doodled hearts. This must've been her belated birthday gift that Momoe mentioned the other day. She'll have to text Momoe her thanks as well later. (Luckily, Junko thought to send her a gift much earlier.)

Fingering the photos, Asuka smiles a bit sadly. Everyone is smiling in these pictures. Judai was never there to see all of this, never stayed long enough to experience it. They can only have so many graduations in life, and he missed out on them. But that's okay, because he's been all over the world, saving others and whatnot. Because he cares enough to keep everyone safe. As long as he's still around, they'll be in his thoughts. He tries to save people with them in mind, right?

The front door opens, and Judai comes inside.

When she looks at him and his hair, she says, "You're covered in grass."

Immediately looking sheepish, he pokes his head out of the front door and pats his hair of grass before he finally closes the door behind him. "I was cloud-watching," he tells her, removing his shoes.

"At the lake?" It's the only place she's aware of with lots of grass.

"Yeah." He doesn't have the fishing rod this time. Hanging his blazer back on the rack, he seems like he's debating something as he walks further into the apartment. Judai idly eyes the mess of postcards and photos on the dining room table. "Busy yourself?"

Nodding, Asuka puts down Ryo's postcard. "Just going through the mail. Nii-san sent me something again, and so did Ryo and Momoe."

His eyebrow raises. "Kaiser did?"

She smiles fondly and offers him Ryo's postcard. "Mhm."

Judai takes it and reads it. As she expected, he laughs. "Fubuki-san won't like that," he mentions, handing the card back.

Simpering, she takes it. "I think he's used to it by now." Back when they first met, Ryo often wondered how it was possible for her to be so different from her brother. She'd laugh and wonder the same thing.

"Fubuki-san or Kaiser?"

Her smile ups higher. "Both."

He smiles too, amused. Judai proceeds to sit at the opposite end of the table across from her, seemingly to help her sort things. The photos are taken by him, and he absently scrutinizes each one as he flips through them. "Don't you have these already, from last time?" Last time. The day he caught her crying.

Casually, she says, "No. I only had a few copies. These seem to be from Momoe's personal collection, or given to her by Rei-chan."

Humming, his pace with the photos slow down. "You look happy in these."

Her lips suddenly feel dry, and she thinks back to yesterday: I like seeing you happy, Asuka. It can't be that amazing to see her happy, is it? Only Johan and O'Brien know that she had smiled and cried that night during graduation. Graduation night made her happy, but in a sense, a bittersweet sadness lingered. Johan is his best friend, but not even he cried that night. Just her.

Quietly, she looks down, flipping over Ryo's postcard and eyeing the Marufuji Brothers in the photo attached to it. She looks at Ryo's scowl and Sho's smile and Fubuki's head peeking at the side with a peace sign made by his hand. It makes her say: "Not entirely."

"Not entirely?"

She takes a breath. "Because you weren't there." Because you missed it.

He's silent. "You guys are always in my thoughts."

"I know," murmurs Asuka, softly. These bonds mean everything to her.

He looks at her, seeking for something. "Would it have made you happier if I was there?"

"Of course," she answers, honesty evident.

Putting the photos down, he also exhales. There is a pause, and he fingers the photo. "I'm here now."

The warmness in her chest spreads, and she smiles. "I know."

The silence is nice, enveloping both of them. She quietly resumes taking a nearby pen to scribble in a response to Fubuki's longer postcard. Judai decides to flip through the other photos he'd yet to see.

But suddenly, Judai asks, "Could we duel later?" Asuka looks up and finds him staring at a photo she can't see from her end of the table. She's about to ask— "Just… another duel before I need to leave tomorrow, y'know?"

Closing her mouth, she blinks and thinks this isn't all of it. "All right. After dinner?"

Not looking up from the photo, he says, "Okay."

.

.

Asuka won. She won. She actually won against Judai's insane luck.

It's not that she's a bad duelist. Asuka knows she is really good, not as prodigy-like as Ryo, but she knows she has enough skills to earn top ranks back at Duel Academia. It's just that she had never won against Judai. But she did today, right here and now.

If she hadn't drawn her Ritual Weapon spell card in time, Cyber Angel Benten would've been destroyed by Neos. Judai had his Damage Interest trap card set down, but it couldn't be activated since he had Neos on his field. And then Benten destroyed Neos. The difference in the point deduction, along with Benten's special effect, actually made him lose.

"Did you go easy on me?" she promptly asks him after the duel. Duels between them either ended up with him victorious or they would tie. Asuka had never really outright won against him because his drawing luck always saves him, but there were times where she had been close. Although, those were not as close as she had been today. Unfathomable, she thinks. "I have to know."

He laughs. "Nope; it's all real. You won. Congrats!" Judai smiles at her, carefreely. He collects his cards off the blanket of the guest bed they dueled on as she simply sits there, gaping. Noticing her expression, Judai curiously looks at her. "Is it really that shocking?" She nods, very serious. "Oh… I didn't know that," he replies modestly, shuffling his deck together idly.

Shaking her head of her incredulity, Asuka gets back to the root of the whole duel because he doesn't randomly ask her to duel for no reason. "So, what did you want to tell me this time?"

"What?" That clueless tone would've normally fooled her, but she knows that he's faking it this time because he's avoiding her eyes and he absently shuffled his deck at least five times without stopping to check his cards.

Her gaze is prodding him gently, coaxing. "Whenever you have a hard time thinking about something, you like to settle it with a duel so that you could make a decision."

Shifting slightly, he says, "Good observation," because they both know it's true and he can't seem to deny it to her face. They used to be tag partners and she thinks she's competent enough of a partner to notice if there are changes in their team.

Patiently, she neatly puts her deck on the bedside table and waits.

"Yubel is important to me," he says, and she feels like everything rewinded for a moment. "But I'm here, and I'm just Yuki Judai. I'm not really The Supreme King anymore. Maybe I am in spirit, on the inside, yeah, but I— I'd like for a chance to be myself while I'm still alive like this in this current time, y'know? I'd like to just be Yuki Judai. That's who I know myself to be, right now, ever since I was born. I didn't grow up knowing I was Supreme King. Just… me."

Asuka focuses her eyes on the bed sheet, quietly listening.

"And since we've graduated, I think I'm allowed to decide what I'd like to do with my life, and that includes choosing where I wanna go." His hand goes behind his neck. "It's strange, though. I heard America's a giant country, and it is. But I keep coming back here. It's always really cold up north with Johan—and Yubel hates him from his hair to his guts, so I can never get a moment of peace with those two in the same room. Which is all the time because, y'know, soul partners? Jim can get carried away with digging since he likes researching each fossil he finds and Karen can't really talk, so it's not like I can hang out with him too much either. So yeah—I, um, I really like being here."

She can't help but feel like maybe Judai still feels guilty over losing Johan in that dimension, so it could be hard staying with Johan. (Which reiterates that those two need to talk it out eventually.) "I-I'm glad." Processing everything, Asuka gently asks, "You really spent a lot of time thinking, didn't you?" She only ever knew him as Yuki Judai and not anything else, but she feels glad that he's trying to sort everything out for himself. He's always showing growth for himself some way or another.

Perhaps loneliness was a struggle of his too since he also mentioned that Johan has his spirit family and Jim has Karen? There had also been a time where she recalled Samejima telling everyone about Judai's childhood, and she had been taken aback by it. His parents weren't often home and all he had were his friends, until the day came when one of them fell with an unknown illness. It still shocks her to think about, but at least they had gotten past that and Yubel is on their side now. It shouldn't be that lonely for him anymore because of Yubel and his spirit friends. If anything, Asuka is the one truly alone right now as she lives in a small American apartment by herself.

She's not saying that she's special because he obviously has plenty of moments with his own spirits and Yubel, but maybe he found something from the time they spent together—just time between him and her. When was the last time he spent time with someone without spirits being around? If she recalls correctly, Jim was the one he visited before her this time.

Judai smiles weakly. "Yeah. I was trying to tell you that, during the day when I slipped on your floor—" He averts his eyes, looking dejected. "—but you sorta left before I could make my point…"

Now it's her turn to feel embarrassed. "I thought you'd prefer being with Johan since you're best friends. Or with Jim."

Piqued, he asks, "Your reason for suggesting Jim?"

To be honest, she wasn't really there to see him and Jim interacting. "You're both guys…?" she offers tentatively, feeling lame.

Despite the atmosphere, he gives a hearty laugh. "I don't think that really matters to me, Asuka." She watches embarrassedly as he shows her a tender smile. "After all, I could go fishing with any of you. I could go to bookstores with any of you. I could duel with any of you. I could crash with any of you, and I could spend time with any of you. That seems pretty equal to me."

Somehow, these words give her the small courage that she needs: "Then why me?"

With bravery of his own, he says: "I like you." She blinks. "Yeah, I really like my time with Johan and Jim. And yeah, I have fun with them. I feel like I can always relate with Johan, and Jim is a pretty fun guy when you drag him away from fossils."

Self-consciously, she looks down because books are probably not that fun in comparison. There's another pause, and she feels a gaze.

"But it's not Johan or Jim who always makes sure I get extra fried shrimp every time I come over to eat with them, nor do they both really stick around the whole time when I go fishing." He starts listing more: "Johan's place doesn't have an extra pillow specifically fluffed up on the guest bed, waiting for someone in particular. In fact, Johan doesn't even have a guest room since he's always attending tournaments and his place is pretty small. I get the honor of sleeping on the couch. Jim's fish tastes pretty good, but it can sometimes be a little undercooked since he doesn't really eat fish."

(She fluffs the guest room pillow, and she cooks him fish.)

Judai still doesn't stop: "Johan and Jim don't really own that many books, and it's weird since I'm so used to seeing books everywhere even though I don't even read 'em. Yeah, I don't really read, to be honest. But I actually found it helpful when I was reading those fish books that other day, and it wasn't that bad. I have loads of fun with Johan, but I think I can have fun with any of my friends. Johan and I share a lot of things in common, but we're still different people and I have a different life than him. Jim and I are friendly, but we're both friendly people."

Judai sits up as she burns her gaze into the bed.

"I risked my life for Johan in that world because I blamed myself for losing him, and I didn't want to lose someone I could connect with. I think Jim mentioned he wanted to save me in return because he just wanted to help a friend." He pauses, and she wonders how long she can last with her eyes being dry. "Johan wasn't the only one I wanted to save ever since I dueled Brron." Her heart stops for a moment. She had been there. "I wanted to save all of you guys and Johan because you guys are all important to me." Boldly, he adds, in earnesty, "It's why I rejected you. I hurt a lot of people, and I didn't want to do that to you again."

Her breath hitches, and her heart is swelling in an anxious flurry. All along, he decided to break her heart before he could actually hurt her? He thought he would hurt her?

He sounds sad, like he thinks he failed. "Hurting Yubel was enough for me. I was tired of hurting. I didn't know how else I could've answered you back there, and that really sucked." The sadness of his voice lingers. "You asked me why I stayed. I had to wonder about that myself for a while, actually." She says nothing, feeling the silence prick at her arms. "I wanted to," he says, soft. He tries to use some joking tone, but it's very tentative and not really joking at all: "I was tired of hurting. I just wanted to be somewhere where I felt like I could make another person happy."

Her heart resonates with: You always make me happy.

"So," Judai resumes, like he has spent eons thinking about this. "Yeah, I'd have no problems staying over with Johan or Jim since I'm pretty comfortable with both of them. But I never said Johan or Jim's place was my comfort place." Another pause. "Neither Johan or Jim look sad whenever I go back on the road. Neither Johan or Jim scream at me to take care of myself, even though it's pretty obvious that I suck at it." He takes a deep exhale, and the anxiety hammers inside Asuka's chest. "Neither Johan or Jim have told me that they love me, and then cares enough to not cry in front of me when I turned them down, nor did they try so hard to make sure that we're still friends afterward."

She dips her head even lower, letting her chin touch her collarbone and feeling her heart overwhelmed. She clenches her teeth because Tenjoin Asuka doesn't cry in front of people.

"Yubel is important to me," he says, like a broken record. "So I care about their comfort too when I'm at places. Yubel apparently can't seem to stand how loud Johan is or how annoying Jim is. But y'know what? I don't really get complaints from Yubel when I'm over here. I don't really see why they would have complaints about here anyway." Her heart feels like it will burst. "I never have complaints here either. You know why?" How is it possible for him to sound so calm? "Because I know that the person who lives here puts in a lot of care into making sure I'm comfortable, even when I don't ask for it. I can tell she really cares about me." A pause. "And I don't mind at all. I really appreciate it instead."

Asuka clenches the blankets below her very tightly. Stop, she wants to tell her tears.

"I wouldn't mind if she keeps it up." A meaningful pause. Then: "Because I'm supposed to feel comfortable at home anyway, right?"

Home.

That word usually makes him iffy, but he is actually using it with her. He is using it and saying it to her without so much as a stutter, like he has learned to cope with it now. Cope with it because he apparently finds a home here. Her world was always so small. She felt that it was boring for someone like him. But even then, this became home. And you're always supposed to be comfortable at home.

His words keep echoing: You're you, Asuka. Not boring.

You're you.

Something skips in her chest and steals her breath. You're you. All this time, she stupidly worried for nothing. All of those insecurities she felt? Now they seemed silly. Really silly.

She matters to him, like how he matters to her. Reading may not be something he likes, but he puts up with it because it matters to her. Just like how she puts up with fishing for him. Because fishing matters to him. Their respect extends to their interests, and both of them are fine with sitting through fishing or reading as long as one of them enjoys it. A balance. Yubel said balance is important.

Judai awkwardly continues, "So yeah, I've been thinking about that for a while, and I think it's going to be okay. For us. I spent so long that even Yubel called me an idiot for being so confused, but I just wanted to make sure that I wanted to do this and sort it out first before telling you." Hand behind his neck, he shows the awkwardness of someone who has never dated before. But that's okay, because she is the same. "I still don't really know much about this, aside from what Yubel knows, so I don't know if I'm even doing a good job or not—"

You're you.

She tightly presses her lips together and gulps a lump away and clenches her teeth tighter. But her self-control doesn't listen to her for once, because she sees blurriness and feels wetness on her knuckles and she doesn't know if she should be angry that she's actually crying or succumb to her tears because he chose her.

So, she cries this time.

She doesn't cry because she's not strong.

She cries because she loves him.

Tears sliding down her face, Asuka leans slightly forward on the guest bed and grabs his sleeve to silence him because he starts rambling when he doesn't know what to say. He eventually quiets down and she can feel his stare on her as she looks at her hand on his sleeve, both of them equally embarrassed. She feels tenfold the embarrassment for letting her emotions get the best of her by blinding her with tears.

She wonders when he had been reconsidering his feelings towards her after his rejection because she had been rather engrossed into making sure they were still friends. She couldn't really pick up anything from him.

Contrary to his outer image, Judai is actually a private person. Asuka could hardly remember him telling anyone something private from his personal life. Everyone—including her—were only exposed to the Judai who came to Duel Academia, and were only able to base his character off from what he showed there: grins, jokes, silly remarks, impulsiveness, laziness. But really, he's a private person in a sense where he is careful about what he reveals to others. Which is also why she could hardly believe that it was the same Judai she's friends with when Samejima had told her and everyone about his background. Judai's demeanor at school always implied a happy childhood for himself. It goes to show how much she and everyone really knew him.

So she understood that, halfway through their third year, he has a hard time trying to express himself. But Judai is also very genuine as well as he is complex. She knows that he overthinks things when it involves him and other people, and she had concluded that he wouldn't make such large decisions if it wasn't important to him. She had never sought to force him to reconsider, or anything. She simply accepted his rejection. He had the free choice to decide whatever he wanted to do about her.

So even though she will probably never find out when he started to reconsider his feelings, she knows that he took the time to think it over and that means a lot to her. And judging from that conversation they had, it seems like Yubel also understands that Judai wants to decide how his life goes too. Maybe that was what Yubel had been trying to tell her all along? Is this why they said everything is okay?

Despite her silent tears, Asuka smiles. Thank you, Yubel.

Courage fluttering in her heart, she breathes before she tugs him forward by the sleeve and she kisses him. She doesn't aim for his cheek or near the corners of his lips because she's always been in love with one Yuki Judai and he's right here.

"You're trying," she murmurs softly. "That's all I can ask for." Judai says nothing back as she hugs him, heartfelt. Her tears are probably soaking his shirt. "Thank you." I love you.

He returns the hug slowly, palms around her shoulders. They stay like this for several moments, and she listens to their heartbeats in passing; a lulling and peaceful sound: a gentle ocean in her heart. Her world was originally just her apartment, books, bookstores, school: mundane things. But with Judai added into the mix, he brought life into her world: fishing even though she didn't really like it, smiles (which are, in a way, like sunshine because they're so warm), bad jokes that makes her roll her eyes, company because it's fun when there's someone to talk to, and now, a piece of his heart that he decided to let her have. Precious little things that she didn't think she could ever have.

Then the world resumes again. He starts tilting until they land on the bed and he brings her with him in his arms, both lying on their sides. Asuka glances at him questioningly.

Fatigued, he smiles at her. "I'm tired." His head sinks into the pillow that's always fluffed for him, and his arms are still around her. She can't really blame him for being tired; it's partly her fault that he's like this. An apology is already at the tip of her tongue, but she fights it back. He's tired enough, let's not add more to his plate. Although, maybe he was expecting an apology because he says lightheartedly: "It's time for bed anyway."

She pauses, hesitating. "Should I… go?"

The response comes softly and quickly, like he wouldn't mind: "Stay."

So, she stays. She smiles and stays. A palm strokes her head, and she keeps smiling. A soft fabric begins to wipe her tear-stained cheeks, and she still smiles as she closes her eyes.

Thank you.

Sleep came easy today.

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On his last day here, Asuka wakes up and sees Judai peering down at her thoughtfully, sitting next to her on the bed. The moment he sees her awake, he shifts gears and proceeds to beam goofily at her. She wonders what he had been thinking about until he chirps, "Morning, sleepyhead!"

Asuka rubs her eyes, groggy. "What time is it?"

"Time for you to get up," he jokes lightheartedly, ruffling her hair. Languidly, Asuka lets him mess up her hair, shifting so that she can lay on her back. "It's 9:30."

"9:30?" She shakes her head to rid herself of drowsiness. She wonders how long he's been awake since he just looks so optimistic right now, like nothing is bothering him anymore. (Had she really given him that much to think about?) "When are you leaving today?"

Contemplatively, he considers, "In an hour or two. I was thinking of catching a train before I switch to a ship."

Sitting up slowly, she smiles pleasantly. "I'll make you lunch to bring along."

There should be extra fried shrimp somewhere stashed in her fridge, she recalls. A bento with rice and fried shrimp, with some extra toppings, should be a good lunch for him. Maybe slip in extra shrimp for protein because he would need the energy to travel and she doesn't know how much he usually walks out there per day.

Judai watches as she combs her fingers through her hair. "You don't have to."

She stops, then grumbles, "I do. I take care of you now, remember?" She doesn't mean the be-a-good-hostess role either.

He's blinking at her, but she immediately slides down from the bed and proceeds to trek into the kitchen to get started on his bento. Her heart skips a happy beat as she makes a turn past the door of his room before she hears him whine under his breath an embarrassed, "Shut up," and she concludes that Yubel will be fairly entertained for a while. Maybe she and them can team up against Judai. Maybe this is a good stepping stone for her. Yubel is important to him, so she'd like a chance to see their part in Judai's world too.

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"Make sure you eat it," she firmly tells him, thrusting out his bento all neatly wrapped up for him. Asuka had literally just finished wrapping the bento with cloth and her hair is still tied up and she still has her apron on. But despite her appearance, she still narrows her eyes at him. "If I find out that you fainted or something due to hunger or fatigue, I wil—"

"Alright, alriiiiight," Judai drawls lazily, rolling his eyes and taking her bento in his hand while shouldering his bag with the other hand. As she sees him off at her apartment door, he slides into his shoes. "Next thing you'll tell me to do is to text you a picture of me eating."

She scoffs, shrugging nonchalantly. "I would, but I trust you." Asuka looks down, idly picking her fingers at her apron so that she doesn't fidget. "Just make sure to bring back the box so I can wash it whenever you—" She pauses, careful. "—come back."

"Whenever I come home," he corrects casually. She continues fingering her apron quietly. To actually use this word around her so freely, he must've gotten some closure about it at some point. He gives her a glance, then he softly announces, "I'm going now." [1]

Asuka hastily runs up to him and kisses his cheek. She's not used to these sorts of action, but she figures it's a start for this new something-relationship of theirs. "Take care." [2]

She doesn't tell him to hurry back. Even if he and her have this between them, Asuka doesn't think he should hurry back. Being a hero and saving others takes time—it wouldn't be fair if she tells him to hurry back, not if the world is cruel enough to keep putting people in danger.

So, Asuka simply smiles and patiently waits for him to leave before she can go back to spending her days by herself for a while. It'd feel a little empty now without him around, but she thinks it would be fine since Judai still has her number saved to his phone and vice versa. Besides, he's come and gone before from her apartment and this is really not that different. She can't depend on him all the time, after all. She's strong.

She's used to him being gone, but she is also used to seeing him come back. She'll miss him, no doubt, but she trusts him. Trust is important in relationships. Trust is important for teammates, so that's already something they have.

In the midst of her thoughts, he kisses her cheek like she had done to him; a really quick peck than a kiss, but it counts for something. Blankly, she is stunned by his attempt at affection and stares as he covers half of his face with the collar of his blazer. An embarrassed murmur: "I'll try to make it back." He starts turning around and pressing down the door handle, but before he steps out, he gently says, "If you ever want to talk, I'm there."

Knowing that he doesn't really use his phone too much, her heart is warmed by the suggestion. She smiles and suggests, "Maybe I could drop a call when you switch over to the ship?" He likes calls more than texting, she remembers.

A short pause, like he's contemplating. Lips curled, he finally replies with tenderness, "There's not much to do on the ship—" Judai goofily smiles. "—so I'll have all the time in the world while I'm there."

Call me whenever you'd like.

"I'll do it later then. You'll be late," mumbles Asuka, embarrassed.

Fondly, his eyes are coated in amusement, like he wants to tease her again but he decides to give her a break this time. "Right," he hums indulgently, softly closing her door.

Asuka is still standing, brushing her fingers against her cheek absently. A part of her wonders: Maybe we should try video calls sometimes? There are plenty of apps for those, and they'd get to see each other's faces. She'd miss seeing his smiles, miss seeing him in general. Hopes that he won't be covered in bruises and scratches if they do have video calls because he's Judai and he's reckless and he gets carried away too much.

But he really isn't fifteen anymore, after all. He's grown up and found himself a home. If he is covered in wounds by the time he gets back, she thinks he knows her by now to know that she would confine him until he gets patched up. Because she cares. Because she loves him.

Because he's going to come back.

Undoing her ponytail and taking off her apron, Asuka walks back to her room and thinks, with something positively bubbling warmly in her heart, that this maybe-love she shares with Judai does exist and is worth it, after all.

Because this is a start for them.

It started like this.

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[footnotes 1 and 2] — in my original draft, i wanted judai to say "ittekimasu" while asuka responds with "itterasshai" because it ties very well with the concept of home for them in this story, but i figured that would be awkward for a fic written in english so i used substitution for them. but in my head, they will always say "ittekimasu" and "itterasshai" for this scene ;-;

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bonus epilogue from judai's pov!

He comes back quicker than when he normally visits her; he had left back in May and it's now November. He typically takes over half a year to come back because he's always away somewhere, doing something that occupied his time. Ever since Asuka had mentioned to him over the phone that she would get a week off in November because of Thanksgiving and holiday preparations, Judai had played with the idea to come back since then.

He rings her doorbell.

Asuka opens the door and widens her eyes at him, like she didn't expect him today. He belatedly realizes that he often forgets to tell her whenever he drops by. But well… It's not like she needs to know about his arrivals anymore starting now since he's supposed to come back here anyway, does it?

"I'm back," he smiles at her, nose a bit pink from the cold air. He shoves a hand into his pocket for warmth, his other hand clutching at the strap of his bag over his shoulder with a faint pink color dusting his knuckles.

Her eyes suddenly soften immensely at him. "Welcome home."

He isn't used to hearing this because his parents often weren't in to tell him that whenever he came back to the house, and it makes him feel weird. Maybe if he was lucky, Osamu or another babysitter would tell him that when he came back from school.

But that was then, and this is now. He tries to remember that he now has an actual place to go back to that's filled with overhead lights, warm coffee, books, assignment papers, and Asuka rather than a lonesome place where he played Duel Monsters by himself or with Osamu. (He isn't sure about the friends whom he'd lost contact with because they were scared of him.)

Home with Asuka.

Entering her apartment, he thinks that it has a nice ring to it when she says it: home. He used to be unsettled at first when she kept using it around him because 'home' just kept making him remember his childhood, but he thinks he's slowly getting accustomed to it now. Definitions can change overtime, just like how his 'home' has changed too. Asuka said there are good and bad changes; he'd like to believe this is a good one.

Judai sets his bag down and takes off his blazer to hang up at the coat rack while Asuka kneels down to take Pharaoh out of his bag.

"So, how long are you staying this time?" She takes Pharaoh in her arms and stands up.

He blurts, "One and a half weeks." He sort of chickened out of saying two and a half. Maybe he won't be such a chicken when winter break starts. She told him that winter break is usually two weeks anyway. He hadn't ever stayed for more than two weeks because that had been convenient for him and her, but maybe he could stay longer for next summer when she's off work. Her summers are usually a few months long.

"A half?" Raising an eyebrow, she looks at him as she pets the cat.

Yeah well, his mind recites, I didn't know if I should stay longer or not. For all we know, someone could be screaming in a dark alley while I'm over here.

"I don't want to be in the way too much when you go back to work?" offers Judai instead, deeming it a more appropriate response because she would probably push him out of the door to go help this nonexistent person in an alleyway who is probably not even suffering. Besides, he could've sworn there was nothing overly life-threatening on the headlines this month, nor did he find any spirits lingering around that were in need, which was why he decided to take it easy this month.

"Okay," says Asuka while nodding understandingly, setting Pharaoh free back on the ground and the cat curls around at her feet. He's very attached to her, Judai notices.

Still a bit cold from the walk over, he rubs his arm with his palm. She looks worried again, so he tells her, "I'm just cold," and smiles reassuringly.

Quietly, Asuka looks contemplatively at him before she extends both of her hands and cradles his face. He thinks her palms are very warm as he blinks at her because this is the first time she's held his face. "Better?" It feels like her thumbs are stroking his cheeks. She sometimes touched him before: on the shoulder, his arms, or his hands. So, he's not really bothered by it. It's another good not-change for them. It's different, but it's also not. Not that he minds.

Bravely, Judai leans his forehead against hers, pressing their bangs together and it feels very warm—cozy and welcoming, and like home. "Yeah."

She leans up and he leans down. He thinks he's not quite used to kissing yet. It's usually her who had instigated most of their kisses, but he always never knows when she does it. This is their first mutual kiss.

They stare into each other's eyes in the silence, but she gives up first and closes her eyes in embarrassment. He thinks it's awfully endearing of her to last so long, and he's the first to fondly grin at her, despite his own embarrassment, because it's cute. Amused, Judai lets out a laugh, and Asuka turns redder by the second. He can literally feel the intensity of the embarrassment by how hot her palms are on his face. She starts pinching his cheeks in retaliation, indignation scribbled in her eyes.

"Asuka!" he laughingly exclaims while gripping her wrists to tear her hands away from him. "Alright, I give up!"

"That's more like it," she huffs, finally relinquishing her fingers and he is still grinning as he rubs at his sore cheeks. With one last huff, Asuka fidgets, turning around. "I have something to give you. Wait here." She starts walking to her room, an awkward stride in her wake.

He would ask why she looks like that, but Judai simply waits in the living room. His face still hurts as he sits on the couch. She can pinch hard. (He shakes his head and scoffs at Yubel's comment about how he's weak. Rude.)

When Asuka comes back, she hands him something small that sits on her palms. "Here." He sees a key. Curiously, he takes it and studies the numbers engraved in it. Isn't this the number of her apartment? "I asked for a copy of the spare key," she admits awkwardly. "I think you should have one from now on. Keep it on you."

He starts smiling, acknowledging the gooey warmness in his heart from the gesture. He can't resist humming, "Does this mean I'm special?"

She gave him a key to her apartment. He's never had one of these before. He always enjoyed ringing up her doorbell and watching her cluelessly eye him whenever he drops by unexpectedly. Not even Johan gave him spare keys to his place. (Judai also abuses his doorbell, although Johan always never looks as funny as Asuka does when he opens the door to him. Which could be rather boring sometimes. Amethyst Cat probably tattled on him whenever he reached for the doorbell.) Judai wonders if she realizes that, with this key, he can sneak up on her unannounced all he wants and not get in trouble for it because she willingly gave this key to him.

"Nii-san has one too!" Asuka's face is glowing pink, and she crosses her arms over her chest.

He stifles his laughter, idly fingering the key and tenderly eyeing it. He can't guarantee he won't lose it on his travels, but he will at least keep it for as long as he can. Traveling can be a hassle for him to keep track of his belongings. "He's your brother—it doesn't count."

"Then what counts?"

He feigns thoughtfulness. "Me?" Daitokuji-sensei told him at some point that he should go by 'boyfriend' from now on, but he still needs to get used to that. It's bad enough that Yubel made fun of him the first few times for trying to say 'girlfriend.' Geez. "Unless you wanna take this back?" Dangling the key at her, he smirks.

She sighs and slumps her shoulders, not having another retort.

He victoriously beams, going back to cradling the item on his palm.

She must really trust him a lot if she's giving him free access to her apartment. Judai doesn't understand how he even earned this boundless amount of trust from her; it feels like he doesn't deserve it. He thinks he's not worthy of many things; doesn't deserve all the things that he currently has. How do all of his friends put up with him? How does Asuka put up with him? How did Asuka even fall in love with him?

Again, Yubel softly reminds him because he's overthinking again and he's bad at stopping himself, you think too much for someone who's an idiot.

Well, it's a valid question for me to think about, he grumbles, turning Asuka's key over and over in his hands absently.

She should've fallen in love with someone else. He's gotten people accidentally 'killed' before, Asuka herself included, and things went out of hand. He attracts trouble no matter where he goes—even Saiou and Kagemaru pitied him a bit about it. Judai himself knew that too.

He's like a walking hazard, so he found it troubling that Asuka loves him. She should've loved someone else, because he became something of a monster.

He already deeply hurt Yubel; he didn't want to do the same to Asuka. But he did anyway. He hadn't known what sort of love it is that Asuka feels for him. How did she even find the time to love him while everything was happening anyway?

It's been a few months since her birthday back in May; a few months since this relationship of theirs. Judai never seemed to have the guts to ask her why she loves him during that time frame, always letting it dwell in the back of his head. Always wanted to ask her about it when they're on the phone, but never does and rambles about safer topics instead. There was never a right timing he could ask in. He had treated life like normal on the outside, but it always came up in the back of his mind at some point. Even then, it had been a passing food-for-thought when he went back to traveling. (Sometimes, Yubel needs to remind him to not overthink.)

He turned her down for a reason. He'd been a little uneasy about approaching the subject of love after what he's been through. Of course, Yubel is past that and he knows this—he really does—but the trauma that came with the experience still cuts him sometimes. Doesn't want any repeats, honestly. Thinks that Asuka deserves better, because it's weird to love people who messed up a lot to a point where their will to live almost withered away completely. He was tired of hurting. And he was tired of hurting others.

But even then, he stayed for her.

He didn't stay because he didn't want her to cry. He didn't stay because he felt he had to. He just wanted to.

Johan's place is cool, but it's also hard to focus there when his family (Amethyst Cat) keeps sassing him and Yubel keeps shooting down Johan's attempts at friendship. Judai found it pretty amusing for a while—but Yubel is tough to crack, so he still needs to listen to the usual complaints of Yubel calling Johan everything synonymous to 'moron.' Johan still doesn't give up in this crusade of friendship, though. Judai likes to cheer for him, which annoys Yubel. By this point, they might even be triggered just sharing the same air as Johan. He still doesn't understand why Johan is still hated, honestly. It's always chaotic at Johan's place.

Jim's place is a lot more tamer than Johan's. He still lets Judai feed Karen with her favorite sausages since she got used to seeing him. Once, Jim let him see his fossil collection and it's massive; sort of like a museum without the annoying tour guides. Being the good guy that he was, Jim even let Judai accompany him to his digging expeditions a few times. Judai didn't think it was possible for limbs to feel so sore after all of that work—but in hindsight, he really lacked the muscles for it anyway. He vowed off more digging expeditions after the first day, and it hadn't even been lunchtime yet. Jim got a good chuckle out of that and likes bringing it up as an inside joke. (Judai always rolled his eyes.)

So, Asuka's apartment is where Judai likes it the most. He really meant it when he said he likes visiting her. It always feels cozy here at her place. Johan's place is wild, Jim's place is pleasant—but Asuka's place is comfortable.

Sure, she's pretty meticulous about her place, but everything looks cared for. He noticed offhandedly that she likes sorting her books by the colors on the spines; the shelves always began with the shorter series in a particular color, and the longer series towards the end in another color. Whenever he looks at the bookshelf, it always looks immaculate. Her couch is comfy like Johan's, but it's a bit softer due to the cotton. The bed in the guest room has really fluffy pillows because they're always fluffed when he comes over. Her balcony has a great view of the sky for those days where he feels like cloud watching.

She likes cooking and he thinks that 'chef' should be an alternative career path for her because her food is always so good. He lost count of how many times he found extra fried shrimp in her dishes whenever he visits. She never spoke about it or mentioned it to him, but he could tell it was for him. The Obelisk dorms always had more exquisite foods than fried shrimp, so he couldn't really see her fancying it like how he does. (And she always has a quiet, happy glow to her eyes whenever she sees him eating the extra fried shrimp.)

Yubel pops up next to him, watching Asuka proceed to walk away to the bookshelf and she scours for a book.

I didn't approve at first, they say, arms crossed. I never did. I only tolerate her presence. I am not 'fond' of her.

Yubel will be Yubel. A grump. Lazily, Judai quietly raises his eyebrow at them. You know you're also really important to me, right? They've been over this.

They aren't soul partners for nothing. He wouldn't link their souls together permanently if he thinks Yubel isn't important to him. Asuka has a place in his heart, and Yubel will always have a place in his soul. The soul and heart are very important parts of a person—and Yubel and Asuka are his two very important people. (Besides, how many times did he tell Asuka that Yubel is important to him? She never once complained.)

Yubel serenely says, If I didn't know that, this place wouldn't be here. (Judai shakes his head. Black humor seems to be their thing.) Her persistence is remarkable.

Remarkable? He idly looks at Asuka smiling at another book she's going through. She always smiles the brightest when she's looking through books.

I was there once, like her, shrugs Yubel. I waited years for my beloved Judai-kun to come find me very faithfully. But did you come? No. I came to you because I grew tired of waiting. Judai painstakingly smiles, cringing. In the same vein, she is similar. She's very— Yubel smirks. —loyal.

Had it been anyone else, it would've been viewed as condescending. But like Judai, Yubel is also truthful. In a brutal and slightly insulting manner, but still truthful. After the merging of their souls, Yubel's spirit is always quelled; calmed, soothed. Like a storm receding. They became something of a voice of reason for him along with Winged Kuriboh. And with Judai being Judai, he thinks this position is just perfect for them because he tends to screw up a lot. (Although, sometimes it's not fun when they and Asuka nag him together. A force to be reckoned with.)

Thinking that this sliver of sympathy Yubel feels for Asuka is something semi-positive, Judai lightheartedly teases: So you are fond of her, after all.

According to Yubel, humans are pests because pests are very attached. Yubel had complimented how Asuka is much like a pest, because she's too loyal. Loyal to him. And pests often like staying with things they're attached to. Johan's existence is like an ant because he's, according to Yubel, very infuriating and a waste of time to be around. Jim is like a roach because he's, also according to Yubel, very devoted to worthless things and is too social.

But for Asuka, she was simply 'a pest.' Ever since he and Asuka had their talk about the Dark World, Yubel started to call her that sometimes. He's aware that Yubel possessed him at some point that day, but they never told him what they talked about with Asuka. (He was extremely disgruntled when he woke up and heard Yubel say he slept like a deceased rat.) It piqued Judai since Yubel never possessed him to talk with others before, but he figures it must be super important since they blocked him out in case he went prying. Given the heaviness and topic of that day, he didn't pry at all.

Still, it's weird to know that Yubel and Asuka conversed. If Judai thought he and Asuka were day and night, then he needs to reconsider that for Yubel and Asuka. He hopes Yubel wasn't too rude to her when they talked. They never really told him why Asuka is a 'pest,' and that sort of bothered him for a bit.

As two joined souls, he cares about Yubel's opinions. They've been there ever since his father gave him their card; became his friend in this lifetime, and he wants to return the care that they gave him. Not in some crazy I'll-put-your-friends-in-a-coma way, but in a Thank-you-for-watching-over-me way. But Judai also knows that, given the light's corruption, Yubel has something of a possessive streak: a leftover reminder of what he had done to them, and also another reminder of the Dark World experiences. Yubel became the way they are because of him, so he feels responsible.

But him and Yubel are together forever now. Nothing would change that, and they're both happy with that. Yubel is his trusted partner. On the day after he rejected Asuka, Yubel even let him think more, despite that his overthinking worries them. He wouldn't have felt so conflicted for no reason, and Yubel understood this because they can read his heart. But to his surprise, they merely said something about how he should be happy in this lifetime, happy in this life he was reborn in. Being a part of his soul is enough because they can be together next lifetime.

So when Yubel had pointed out that Asuka still felt something for him after the rejection, he could tell that Yubel just wanted to help him. They only said these things about Asuka in simple casual comments, like her feelings for him are just something to note. But Yubel wouldn't point out something for absolutely no reason.

Yubel is a past promise that transcends time, beyond reincarnation: an eternal, shared oath of protection. Asuka is a present home that filled in a gap of his current life that he used to lack: a mutual companionship born from an attempt to understand each other, to stand as equals, to accept flaws, and to move on in life. Past and present. It seems like he's in the middle of it, a good in-between spot where all three of them are content. He can live with that, honestly.

Well, she is smarter than you, Yubel replies, nonchalant. Judai doesn't bother looking offended because that's true. Believe what you will. They didn't deny it, so that's good enough for him.

He hums distractedly, looking at Asuka's back. He can acknowledge that she cares for him, but he still cannot understand how she can love him.

What makes him so special to her? He's just an average guy who can talk with duel spirits. (He didn't even know he was a king in his previous life for seventeen years. Does that even count?)

"You seem to be clouded in doubt, nya," Daitokuji-sensei comments, floating up to him and Yubel.

Judai blinks, because he doesn't really have doubts about that. He's just… a little confused. He spent a good chunk of those two weeks with Asuka trying to think about his feelings for her. Yubel can vouch for him. He would not be here if he doesn't feel something back. He would not be coping this much with 'home' or with Dark World after their talks if he didn't feel something for her. So yeah: he's just confused. Not doubtful. He'd have to kick himself if he was doubtful because that would hurt Asuka, and he made it clear that he doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore.

"Love works in a lot of ways, Judai-kun," Daitokuji-sensei starts lecturing, taking on his human form. "You love fried shrimp, but you also know you don't feel that same branch of love for Asuka-san, nya."

Well, that's true. He sees fried shrimp and Asuka as two different things.

"Maybe her love is the same love Yubel feels for you," his deceased teacher continues with a smile, preferring free interpretation. "Maybe it's not. Maybe it's a love that makes her feel super happy on the inside. Maybe it's a peaceful love, nya. Maybe it's a different kind that even I don't know about—I don't have a lover, after all. It's different for everyone, nya. I won't put words in your mouth, Judai-kun, but I think Asuka-san just loves you for who you are. I can't read her mind, though, nya."

She loves him for who he is?

Yubel and Daitokuji-sensei vanish the moment they see Asuka walking back to the couch. She sits next to Judai, contentedly opening up a new book. Judai stops playing with the key in his hands and simply holds it in his fist.

The silence makes him blurt: "What do you like about me?"

Very slowly, she observes him with an odd look. He simply sits there and lets her. "What?"

He repeats, curious: "What about me do you like?" (Reappearing in the background, Yubel shakes their head and covers their face with a clawed hand. Daitokuji-sensei falls backward.)

If he were to hold his blazer next to her face, he would not be able to tell the two apart. It makes him feel a little embarrassed knowing that she feels so strongly about this to a point where she would look this red. "Is this… an important question?" she asks him, sounding strained.

He personally thinks so. "Mhm."

Looking very conflicted, Asuka struggles to get her thoughts together. He didn't mean to stump her; he feels a bit guilty now.

Eventually, she answers: "You're the weirdest guy I ever met, but I thought you were really interesting." Blinking, Judai remembers her telling him this part before. "You just really enjoyed dueling and being yourself; it was refreshing watching you. You didn't really care about what other people thought of you. Even though you seemed to lack some confidence in yourself sometimes, you still believed in others. You try very hard for people and you always try to see the good in them. When you're dueling, you never hold back. Even when it seemed like the end was coming, you found the strength to continue. It inspires me to try harder. You're always unpredictable, but you always come through." A quiet pause. "I like that you're just you."

She pauses, like she knows that she's gushing. He thinks she is.

He just wanted to know if he means something to her and here she is, giving him a verbal essay. Maybe Daitokuji-sensei was right, after all.

"You say it like I'm a hero," he says, half-awkward and half-embarrassed.

Thoughtfully, she breathes and says, "You are."

"Even though I don't really act like one?"

She rolls her eyes. "Heroes are capable of being normal."

He pauses, thinking about their talk about the Dark World months ago. "So I'm normal?"

Silence. Asuka gives him a glance, then simply says, "Yes," with so much certainty that it begins to hurt inside of him.

Judai clutches her spare key very tightly, so tightly that his fist hurts like how his heart hurts.

He thinks about warm meals with carefully-prepared fried shrimp, and he thinks about bookstores and fishing at the lake and the trout splashing water at her face and her favorite color used to be red until she switched to blue and his favorite color used to be green until he switched to red and how he told her that a passing cloud looked like Manjoume on a giraffe and how he used his powers to make Cyber Tutu real for a day on her birthday even though he told himself to not use his powers so much because he just wanted her to be happy: all the things that are only between them.

Asuka's always very devoted and hard-working and always seeking to understand. She has strong beliefs and never gives up; always trying to reach the end of the tunnel with sheer willpower. She won't hesitate to snap at others if she thinks something went too far, but she also knows how to console and compliment and nag and apologize because she cares too much.

She always cares too much. She cares so much that she accepted his rejection to her on her birthday without batting an eyelash because she cares more about their friendship, and even caring enough to mend any tension they had afterward. Even when he thought she looked ready to cry, she still smiled at him. It reminds him of that time in the Dark World where she pleaded with him to stop getting involved with those life-or-death duels after he saved Kyle, and he smiled back emptily just like how she did on her birthday. She's a really thoughtful girl, so Judai can tell she does everything with reason.

So if she tells him that she loves him, she really means it.

And most of all, she somehow still loves him.

Judai had forgotten what it felt like to have someone care so much about him; he's always doing things on his own. Sure, he visits his friends and crashes with them. But other times, Judai likes being out in the open road where he has absolute freedom. He has to get his own supplies out there, he has to get his own food, he has to get his own place to rest. He's used to doing things on his own because he was often left on his own. Grew up alone because even babysitters and friends have a place to go home to when the day is almost over. He spent his mornings and evenings by himself back with his parents.

He loves his parents, despite their workload and schedules, and they love him back in their own caring and aloof way, but now he's on his own and grown up and it's time for him to get his own place to be at.

But Judai being Judai, he's not that great at being an adult.

He likes to settle for what he already has and he's learned to appreciate those things greatly while he still can. After all, he's supposed to move on in life. He's supposed to live. Move on and live and be happy.

So sometimes, it's just good to go home once in a while and eat a meal that's better than whatever-he-can-find-out-there-at-a-decent-price with fried shrimp that's specifically meant for him, and actually sleep in a familiar comfy bed that probably has his indent on it by now, and spend some time with someone that he can keep company and happy while she can do the same for him, and no one would actually mind.

Well, he's here now. And he's happy.

Probably confused about why they had this conversation, Asuka stands up, like she's about to head back to her room to give him some space to think in peace. He didn't even ask her to leave, but she knows anyway.

It's always hard to sneak things past Asuka. When he thinks she might not notice, she does anyway. (Even calls him out on it several times if she thinks it's something serious troubling him.)

When he thinks that things are starting to appear grim, she would tell him something inspirational. Whenever he rings her doorbell at some ungodly hour of the night, she still lets him in and even stays up with him without yelling about sleep deprivation. When he starts joking around, she keeps it from going too far or she even plays along. When he eats her food, they're always meticulously-prepared and delicious and warm. When he gets injured, she overreacts and tells him to sit down so she can clean up his wounds or else he isn't allowed to leave the room. When he messes up, she'll get mad and snap some sense into him because she has feelings too. When he says jokes about himself in a self-deprecating manner, she always finds some way to make it positive because she somehow finds worth in him. When he's struggling, she's patient and never pries too deeply because she knows that he has his own struggles that he's still coping with and she wants him to be happy again.

She has him, and he has her. Just like the tag partners they've always been.

They have each other.

He immediately grabs her hand to stop her from leaving and tugs her down, and she lands on his lap. There is a mix of worry and puzzlement and embarrassment on her countenance, but mainly concern. "Are you o—"

He hugs her; lets one of his palms sink against the fabric of her sweater while clutching onto her spare key with the other. This is the first time he hugs her like this, but he doesn't mind because they've touched before and Asuka's never minded either. It gives him bravery. Not a heroic I'll-save-the-day type of bravery, but a simple clinging bravery that'd do many things just to keep its light there and bright.

She doesn't finish her question, but is probably peering down at him confusedly as he buries his face into her shoulders and she quietly starts to stroke his hair to help console him. Her touch is the small courage he found to say a small: "I love you."

It's muffled by her shirt, but it dawns on him like how a sunset would. He likes sunsets. He sees them all the time when he's traveling and he likes staring at the sky when they show up as he aimlessly walks around because they're always really peaceful. He always feels peaceful here in her apartment, so it makes sense.

Sunsets always mean something is ending—but after a sunset, comes a sunrise and sunrises always mean the start of something. He thinks this is something that he would like to start and end with, because home starts and ends here each day while he's visiting her.

"What did you say?" she asks.

He clings onto this one I-love-you because it's the very first one he'd ever said, despite his internal struggles to cope with those Dark World experiences, and he had enough courage to say it just for her. He turns his head so that her sweater doesn't muffle him this time. Heartbeats steady, Judai says this instead because these words also mean a lot to him, probably more than what Asuka can ever assume: "I said I'm home."

A fond sigh, then a tender: "Welcome home."

She resumes stroking his hair with one hand while holding her book open with the other to read. He says nothing and lets this semblance of a sunset sink into his chest, and he sits there and feels at peace because he hardly gets to feel this peaceful before unless he's traveling by a beach or a clear field. Peaceful times like these are nice. A great change from all the adrenaline and chaos and screaming he gets when he's out there on his journeys.

They stay like this for a while, and Judai thinks that this is something he would definitely like from now on: to go home to Asuka.

Because this feeling right now is like watching a sunset. Sunsets means sunrise will come next, and he thinks it would be great if he can enjoy the sunrise at home for a change.

.

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fin

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notes: thank you for putting your time aside to open this fic. this story is probably really cringey or ooc to some people, but i hope there are others who have enjoyed it as well. i've faced many insecurities while revising this fic thousands of times. this fic is my way of apologizing for mistakes in my very first juasu fic, tomorrow is the future, which was my original take on post-canon judai/asuka slow burn (it's why both fics share/recycle similar elements), but people began pointing out the canon errors i committed in that fic about, unsurprisingly, yubel. i primarily base yubel in my fics off the one from the bonds beyond time movie, but i rewatched the hell out of season 3 and 4 just to write this slow burn fic and yubel in ch7, so i hope i did good this time OTL. i'm also not really big on a sequel either since i'm finally content with the final product after 4 months of heavy revising (including january 2021). i am also a full time art student, which requires lots of hours, so i also couldn't really extend the length of the slow burn for too long either (editing for 4 months took a lot out of me lol), my apologies OTL.

also, i know people will ask me this eventually, so: there is no judai version of this story by the time this final chapter was uploaded. i only settled with a judai epilogue because i wanted to provide some of his thoughts after making this story so long. however, i might warm up to the idea of making a judai version of this story depending on the reception of the home that we claimed. i admit, judai's side would be interesting to work with, but idk about my yubel characterization? i usually get yelled at for not writing yubel "correctly," so the backlash i get about yubel deters me from writing judai :') but feel free to lmk if you'd like a judai version, and i will do my best to consider it. (optional, ofc!)

and lastly, a big thank you here to all the lovely reviews and reviewers who have encouraged me to continue with posting this story. you guys are the real heroes. i literally cried at some of your reviews in my email. i make sure to read all the reviews i get. this ship means so much to me and i truly love juasu so much; i'm glad to be able to write this story for them. also, a reviewer asked if i have anymore juasu fics planned. yes! plans are on my profile :)

thank you for reading!