Chapter warnings: Sexual language, masturbation/porn, the topic of consent (non-rape, don't worry)

Atsushi Otani POV:

This entire week I have been thinking over that night with Koizumi. Okay, maybe not the entire week, I have been pretty focused on classes once I am in them and when I'm studying, but when I hit my pillow each night it's like, Surprise! Koizumi time!

At first, like that night and Sunday night, it was a good feeling. I was thinking about how awesome it was that we even did what we did. Seriously, I got to touch her under her shirt, she let me see her boobs, and then she even touched my dick! Dude, it was so cool!

But then, later in the week, like on the weekdays after the longest days of class and work ever, I started to feel kinda bad. Curse my conscience!

I felt guilty, not because I knew Koizumi didn't want me to go any further with her… but, well… She was actually very against it at the end there, before we cuddled in my bed. There's yet another problem, whenever I lay down in my bed I start thinking about her again!

Anyway, my guilty conscience was due to the simple fact that I came and she didn't.

I felt so bad! I mean, if I told anyone they be like, "You're a dick, you treat your girlfriend like that?!" I guess it's possible some dudes would high five me and be like, "Hell yeah bro, that's the way to do it!" But, those guys are douches! I didn't want to treat Koizumi like that at all.

I do not see her as some object to get me off. I really do love her and respect her- I know it's hard for me to tell her that, but I wasn't expecting it to be hard to show her. But if she doesn't want me to touch her, what am I supposed to do?

I suppose I could try to make her feel better when I was just touching her boobs. God, how hard was that going to be though? And when was it even going to happen? Would there ever be another time for us to… hang out like that?

I was going to have to do some research before the next time. But going into an adult store was going to be so embarrassing. I bet I'd be called a little boy for sure. And everybody around would see me as some perverted freak.

Great.

The more I thought about it the worse I felt because then I started wishing and hoping Koizumi would just let me touch her. I prayed she would let me try to make her feel good. Then I saw an image of myself like a monster, forcing her to do stuff she wasn't comfortable with. Making her upset. So, I shoved that right out of my mind! I would never do that to her. I would make sure she was comfortable before doing anything else.

I wondered what she would be comfortable with though.

She did say, "What would you do if I wanted you to do stuff, but I didn't want to ask for it?" And she told me to "take the lead", but then she told me "no," and "I don't want to!" That seemed pretty crystal clear to me.

Koizumi has her line. I understood that. I got that. I guess though…There was no harm in thinking about what it would be like if I ever did get to feel her… down there…

Even if that day wasn't going to come anytime soon. I'm sorry, but I was gonna start to hope on my own. I made a note to myself to keep myself in check around her. I wouldn't push her too much.

On Tuesday night, I had to call off any weekend plans with Koizumi. We were still going to go out on a date or something of course. I still wanted to see her. Maybe it'd be nice to hang out without the pressure of hanging out like there was last time. I still really liked to spend time with her.

After our call ended, my mood was kind of soured. I laid on my bed, kinda bummed, and starting to have those guilty feelings. The ones about not being able to make Koizumi feel as good as she made me feel.

My roommates were out, but I don't know for how long. I was pretty sure one of them was in class, but I had no idea where the other was. Maybe he was with friends or he went out to dinner. But he could have come back any minute.

Suspiciously looking over at the door, I slipped my legs under my covers. And I brought my hand down there too.

I stared blankly and vaguely at the bottom of the top buck above my head. I replayed the best memories from that night.

Koizumi's hands-on mine, behind her back. Her moving me to take her bra off. Then, telling me off, reminding me I had to get off of her if I wanted to see her without a shirt on.

A big grin appeared on my face, laying on my bed. I kept my senses aware, listening for any movement at the door. If one of my roommates came in I would jump up and act normal. That was the plan.

So, with that in mind, I cupped my hand around my penis under the covers. I moved slowly up and down. I remembered how it felt when she was holding me.

God, I was embarrassed, but I was also so fucking excited. If Koizumi was going to do that again I would be willing to wait a while.

My hand moved faster.

She was such a great girlfriend. I knew this stuff scared her. I knew she was kind of a baby when it came to sexual things. Hell, I was a little nervous too. But she was still trying really hard.

We didn't have to go farther if she didn't want to. I'd love to touch her down there and see what she looks like. I didn't have any experience, but I would like to learn with her. Thinking about how I would start, I figured my fingers could just wiggle around until she told me otherwise.

My breath panted out. I could feel myself getting hot, imaging that. Bending my knees in, I turned my body towards the door and watched with lowered eyes.

I saw an image of myself standing in the center of the room, Koizumi on the bed below me. I was feeling it. I knew what was coming, I mean I had of course jerked off before, but I never had someone else do it for me before. I never had to cum while a girl I liked was watching.

I told her, "Koizumi… It's gonna come out."

And she said, "Huh?"

Did she really not know what I was talking about?'

I let her know, "You can move out of the way if you want.

But what would have happened if she didn't?

I could tell she didn't really understand when her face turned worried and she panicked, "What's gonna-"

I was already there. My hand was on hers and we were reaching the top of my penis. I felt so incredibly good. I had to release.

"Koizumi move!"

In my bed, I felt it too. Not the same way, of course. She wasn't even here. But just trying to come to terms with the fact she did that for me, makes me overworked. I start feeling sweaty.

And then, Koizumi- that freak! Poked at it. She literally pinched my cum between her fingers, could she not?! Holy shit.

It was probably the most unattractive thing in the moment, that's the most enticing looking back.

Why did she want to touch it?

That felt like the only question I could ask myself. I valued Koizumi's consent so much, I wasn't going to do anything she did want to. So why was I holding onto the little glimpse of hope? That thought that maybe she was curious about trying new things with me made me so excited.

After a few days, I concluded that she was probably curious about my body. The girl was crazy about me and boy did I know it. Haha. But, she probably was not super jazzed about me seeing her the same way I was. Ugh, if only I could make Koizumi feel more comfortable in that way. I knew that would be very hard though, especially when we had like no time alone together.

I rolled my eyes, dropping my hand, and sitting up. I was probably going to be jerking off a couple more times these next few weeks until we were able to meet up like that again. I couldn't help it. Now, I had something to reference from real life.

A few nights later I called her up again.

Why was this girl always on my mind?

I had had a great day on my own. One of my classes got canceled. I went to lunch with a few guys I met in the basketball training meeting. I handed in my assignments for the weekend, and then I went for a jog. I was chilling.

(A/N: if his college friends are explained in the manga I haven't gotten there yet so I'm making stuff up)

It's like I could have the best day ever, but it just isn't the same without Koizumi anymore. I want to tell her everything that happens to me. And when she tells me about her classes or her work, I really want to hear it. God, what losers we were!

So, come nighttime, I was laying in my bed. A roommate above me with headphones in, and the other at his desk, playing on his computer. Such hard workers, we were, huh?

Now, if only they'd leave for the weekend.

I knew that wasn't an option since they just left last weekend, but I could still wish and curse in my mind.

My head on my pillow, but with my body above the covers, I flipped open my phone. Then, I flipped it closed and opened a couple more times.

Finally, I selected her contact and called her.

She answered after the first few rings, "Hi!" She sounded happy, I guessed.

"Hey…" I spoke quietly, so my roommates wouldn't listen.

"What's up?" She asked.

"You're not at work are you?" I asked.

She answered quick, "Actually I am! But you're in luck. You actually caught me on my break."

I let a "Heh" sort of laugh out.

"So why'd ya call? Psychic," she teased me.

"Psychic?" I questioned. My ankles crossed.

"Yeah you're psychic cause you knew when I could talk," she laughed.

"Oh…" I trailed off, not really sure why I called at all, "No reason. I just wanted to talk."

"Oh okay!" She cheered, "My break is almost over, but guess what?"

I rolled my eyes and stuck my arm under my head, "What?"

"I haven't gotten yelled at today!" She clapped, then suddenly quieted down. Her manager probably heard her.

I chuckled, "Well, it's still early."

"Hey!" She objected.

I laughed to myself, getting a big smile on my face, completely out of my control, "Sorry. Sorry."

"Anyway—" Koizumi tried to break my laughter, "I might kind of have some good news. What are we doing this weekend?" She asked, but I had no answer.

"Um… I dunno," I got curious and excited, "What's the news?"

"I'll save it for when I see you…" she cackled to herself, in a totally un-sexy way. Not like a cute, flirty girl. "Could you come here this weekend?"

I shrugged, "I guess so. Don't want to take the train?"

"Yeah…" she groaned, "I have this thing Sunday morning, my teacher asked me to help with a shoot and fashion walk, and it's kinda early in the morning."

"Whoa wait— really?!" I sat up.

"Yup, I guess she liked my…" her voice left.

"Huh? Koizumi? Was that your good news?" I called out for her since the line didn't hang up.

"What? No," she whispered into the phone, "I mean it's good news, but not about us— I've got to go. Bye, love you!" She clipped her phone and hung up.

When I shut my phone and looked out into my dorm room, the roommate at the desk was staring right at me. He was paying no attention to his game.

The roommate above me playfully asked as he kicked his legs out, "Was that your girlfriend~?"

I rolled over, "Leave me alone."

"Did she hang up on you?" The one at his desk asked.

"She's at work," I responded a little offended and a little like he was stupid.

"Oh," he said.

The roommate on the bunk above me jumped down. He turned to the other roommate, then to me. "Hey, we've been meaning to ask you, is your girlfriend like way taller than you?"

Oh my god.

I narrowed my eyes at them, glaring.

He gestured and laughed nervously, "What? It's just we never really see her. She pops by at the door for two seconds, we don't get a good look."

Computer boy added, "Is she hot?"

I covered my face with my arm. I was so tired. These questions sucked.

I rubbed my eyes and moaned, looking out at them I stated matter-of-a-factly, "Yes, she's taller than me. Always has been. I don't know if she's hot, she's a total weirdo," and then I finished with a zing, "But at least I have a girlfriend!"

I stood up and went to the door.

They reached out to me, "Do you like her?" They said like, but it carried so much more weight.

"Obviously!" I grabbed the door handle.

Then, one boldly asked me, "Do you…" I watched his eyes shifted back and forth, "...fuck her?"

"Gross!" I yelled out and turned the doorknob, "Why do you gotta say it like that man?!"

"So you don't… does she…?" The computer annoying boy asked.

"Stop!" I threw the door open and exited. "Don't talk about her like that…" I grumbled as I marched out, knowing they could probably still hear me I even said, "...I love her."