Good morning! Anything planned for this weekend? I'm trying to get my things ready for Christmas, I'm leaving on the 23rd! I hope I'll be able to post the 24th on time, now that I think of it...

I just got my hair cut and I feel so much lighter! The hairdresser looked nothing like the Demon Tower though, I suppose the Realm of Darkness is the only place you can get a free yet decent haircut?

Anyway, here's the 19th entry! Enjoy!

It was a strange thing, feeling again. Isa wasn't too sure if he actually enjoyed it. Had feeling always been so dark, so sad, so lonely? The last time he had a heart, he was merely a child. The biggest issue he'd have was to be home in time for dinner. The angrier he'd feel was when Lea would forget to bring his skateboard. The sadder he'd feel was when the ice cream shop ran out of his favourite flavour.

Life had been so simple then.

He sighed, looking at the ever glowing city of Twilight Town. The sky was made of gold and there was nothing but happy faces around him. He wouldn't be late for dinner. He had long given up on skating. There seemed to be an unlimited stock of ice cream. And yet Isa wasn't quite happy yet.

He thought about his hometown, Radiant Garden. While he wasn't particularly homesick - hard to be after a decade, he wondered if he should pay a visit again soon. Stay for a couple of days. Of weeks, perhaps. But should he really go alone? It felt wrong going home without Lea. Axel. But there was a voice in his head whispering it probably would be for the best. Lea didn't need him anymore. Axel clearly didn't either.

The second he got his heart back, it was obvious to him he should claim his name back. He didn't pretend that this would erase all that he had done before, but he hoped this would help him move on, become a better person, become the one Isa would have naturally become if Saïx never happened. He took back the name that was deeply connected to his strongest, dearest friendship. Realising that Axel did that exact same thing felt like a knife stabbed right into his brand new heart.

They were always together, the three of them. Axel, telling stupid jokes. Xion, laughing politely. Roxas, pointing out how silly that actually was. It should have been used to be him. He had to face the facts: Axel didn't need him that much anymore. He had forged friendships when he had no heart and they became even stronger when his heart came back. Isa was just an old, dusty memory of a past Axel had long moved on from. They used to have dreams, to have their own jokes, their secret language, their secret handshake, but it was only child's play, and what connection they had shared before had no value now.

It was time to go home, Isa decided, staring at the setting sun. Twilight Town was no place for him. Never was, never will.

"Yo, Isa! Been looking for you everywhere! What could you possibly be scheming, all alone on that bench?"

Isa looked up to see his best friend (even though that wasn't mutual anymore) grinning at him.

"The kids are busy so I was thinking you and I could hit the bar and have some boo-"

"Axel, I'm leaving."

"That sounds a bit extreme. You can have a glass of water, I'm not forcing you to drink." Behind Axel's easy laughter, Isa could see his friend was actually processing his words. Axel was a jokester, but he was no fool.

"I just feel like Radiant Garden could need my help. In case they're looking for a new guard, I don't know. I'm not sure they'd want to work with me again, though."

"Isa, Isa, Isa", Lea sighed, crashing on the bench next to him. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"Are we?"

"Hardy har har. Killing me with the jokes, buddy. And here I thought I was the funny one. Now that we had a good laugh - when are you going to open up to me?"

"Open up about what?"

"About everything! Everytime I hang out with the kids, I can see how sad you look. Not even jealous, just resigned. When you hang out with us all, you look so gloomy and depressed no one knows what to say. And when you hang out with me alone, it feels like you're just trying to rush things so that I can leave as soon as possible! Do you hate me that much?"

"I wish I could."

"Then is it the kids? You don't like the idea of them being around?"

"I could hardly blame them for wanting to enjoy life for the first time."

Axel took a deep breath in. "So that's you, then? You're the one you're hating so much. Let me guess. You think you're worthless. That you don't belong. That I found new friends and I look happy with them so perhaps you'd better be off so that you're not going to ruin everything."

Isa's silence was worth a thousand words. He looked away, surprised Axel would see right through him so easily.

"Sure, I love them. Xion is really cute and she marvels at everything she sees. Roxas is a cool kid who's trying his best all the time. But you know what they're not? They're not you. They will believe anything I say. They look up to me and they won't question me. It's terrible for my ego, you know! I need someone down to earth. Someone who isn't afraid to point out my very few flaws. Someone who's not looking at me as the bloody rulebook of how to be a human, but someone who stares at me as the bloody rulebook of what not to become! And so far, I met only one guy meeting all the criterias, and if he's thinking of running away, then I'm not sure what will become of myself."

Staring at his feet, Isa could feel his hands shaking. He was trying to find the right words, and yet none would come, not even the wrong ones, just pure, absolute silence.

"Aw man, I was planning to do this in a very crowded area to put you totally uneasy, but here we go I guess." Axel got up, faced Isa, then fell down to one knee. Isa stared at him in complete confusion. All of his doubts and worries vanished in an instant, converted into a bigger worry instead.

"Isa, there's something I'd like to ask you, and I'm not taking no as an answer."

"What. are. you. doing."

"We've been through a lot together, and at one point I feared I was losing you. You might think I moved on easily, rebuilt my life without you in it, but that was wrong. No matter how much forward I moved, there was always a hole in the shape of a grumpy lunatic in my existence. Which is why I have to ask you…"

Isa waited for the dreadful moment. Somehow, he wasn't just mortified - he was annoyed. This was Axel talking. Nothing could go right.

"Will you become my best friend forever, again? We'll be bros, united against everything, and we'll solve the mysteries of the worlds, as we once promised we would!"

"I'm going to bloody murder you."

"I take that as a yes then!" Axel winked, before gasping in an exaggerated shocked motion. "Unless you thought I was actually proposing to you? Listen, I am honoured, but you are family and that would have been-"

"I hope you run fast, Axel," Isa stood up in a second, a threatening aura around him, "because if you don't, these are going to be your very last words."

And the usually so quiet Twilight Town was now filled with screams of terror and laughters, as two grownups were playing It with a set of knives, vases, and pretty much everything that could be thrown, and as Axel screamed from a distance "see, this is why I need you, the kids are a lot less fun to teaaaaase", Isa thought that perhaps, he was right where he belonged.

Truth be told when I read it again just now for a last spellcheck, I had forgotten it was actually wholesome and I must confess I giggled at my own story. If you want any tip on how to write a fic you're proud of, here's my two cents: write the story you want to read. It won't please everyone, maybe it won't even please a single person, but as long as YOU are happy with it, then it's already a success. And if you're not proud of it - find out why, and use that to make a better one next time!

Tomorrow's theme is Throne, and here's a teaser: I think it's my only fic of this whole calendar where someone dies! 2020 had no room for intense gloom!