Chapter Nineteen
Hugs
Season Two

"Hey guys," Castle greets Ryan and Esposito, setting the box of donuts on the break room table. He glances out the window into the bullpen and frowns when he notices that his partner's desk is bare. No coffee mug, no jacket, computer monitor dark. "No Beckett today?"

Ryan glances at Esposito before answering. "No, she's off."

"She didn't say anything yesterday." Castle shrugs. "Well, what's up? Do we have a case?"

"Dude," Espo cuts in, "it's January ninth."

Castle looks between the two of them, not understanding. "Okay?" When the two detectives just share another look, he mutters a curse. January ninth. Of course she's off. "Right. Damn it. Is she okay?"

Espo shrugs. "It's always a hard day for her. But this year she seems to be taking it harder. Something about how she was forced to revisit the case."

Castle feels his ears flush at Espo's pointed look. Yes, she was forced to revisit the case, thanks to him and his inability to mind his own business. He shoves his hands in his coat pockets and looks down at the floor. "Right. Well, I think I'll head out. Let me know if something comes up."

"Thanks for the donuts," Ryan calls after him.

Castle tugs his collar high around his neck when he steps back out into the cold January air, and he wonders why he didn't grab his scarf when he lft. He almost calls for a car, but puts his phone back in his pocket. No, he wants to walk a bit. He needs to clear his head.

Not for the first time he feels a wave of guilt for his actions the previous spring: convincing Espo to give him Beckett's mom's file, doing his own investigation, and telling his partner about it. Even though Beckett said she forgave him, he still feels like he's on thin ice, just waiting for something to happen that will bring their partnership to a screeching halt again.

He wanders the blocks, not paying attention to where he's going, until he glances up and sees a coffee shop, realizes just how cold he is. Why did I forget my gloves, too? He chides himself for being so absent-minded when he left the loft, thinking only of the donuts he wanted to take to the precinct, and seeing his partner. When he opens the door to the cafe, he sighs in relief at the rush of warm air and the smell of the coffee.

It's a risk not texting or calling her to make sure she's home, or that she'd even be willing to see him, but he's willing to take it if there's a chance he can bring some brightness to her day.

He knocks on her door just a few minutes later, and he shifts his weight from foot to foot as he waits to see if she'll answer. It's silent on the other side of the door for a long time, long enough that he's tempted to just leave the coffee and bear claw and go home. But as he's leaning down he hears the lock click, and he straightens and plasters what he hopes is an encouraging smile on his face.

Beckett offers him a small smile herself, but he can tell it's forced. It doesn't reach her eyes, not even close, and he can see that she's been crying. "What are you doing here, Castle?"

He holds out the coffee and pastry bag. "I stopped by the precinct," he explains, "but the boys said you're off. And, well, I know what day it is. So. I brought you coffee. And a bear claw." He winces. God, he sounds so dumb. "Anyway, I won't stay, I just wanted to check on you."

Beckett takes his offerings and leans against the door frame. "Thanks."

He nods. "No problem. Well, I'll see you later."

"Hey, Castle?"

He's almost at the elevator when she calls his name, and he turns. "Yeah?"

Beckett steps to the side, pushing the door open more. "Wanna come in?"

He takes a few steps towards her, then hesitates. "Are you sure? Don't feel obligated, if you'd rather be alone…"

"No, I'm sure," she interrupts, shaking her head. "It'll be good to have company." Her lips lift in a little smile. "Even if the company is you."

He chuckles at her attempt at humor. "Alright. Just for a little while." He glances around the apartment as she opens her blinds; it's the first time he's been here, and with exception of the pile of tissues on the coffee table, it's neat and tidy. "Nice place."

She gives him a sheepish look as she passes him to go to the kitchen. "I don't usually sit around in the dark, but I wasn't expecting to see anyone."

Castle lifts his hands. "Hey, you don't have to say anything. I can't imagine what today must be like for you. There could be empty beer bottles scattered everywhere and you still wouldn't have to say anything."

Immediately he regrets his words; hopefully she doesn't think he's being flippant, because he's not. He's trying to tell her that she's strong, she's extraordinary, she's an inspiration to him in more ways than one.

Judging by the slightly wider smile that appears on her face, he's pretty sure that his words hit like the encouragement they were meant to be. "Thanks, Castle," she says in a quiet voice, so quiet he almost doesn't hear. She lifts the coffee cup. "And thank you for this. I appreciate it. I guess I didn't know how nice company would be until you arrived."

"Well, I'm glad I'm good for something," he teases, and when she just rolls her eyes and sits on one end of the couch, he follows her and sits on the other end. They're silent for several minutes, Kate drinking her coffee, until she finally breaks the silence.

"I don't usually take today off," she tells him. When he doesn't respond, she continues. "I did last year, since it was the ten year anniversary. And this year…" She sighs. "I don't know. It was a last minute decision. I called Montgomery last night and told him I wouldn't be in. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't face any dead bodies or an empty whiteboard or family members on the worst day of their lives."

Castle shifts so he's facing her. "Like I said, you don't need to explain yourself."

"I hope you didn't waste your time going into the precinct."

"Nah, it wasn't a waste. I brought in donuts." Castle shrugs. "The guys were happy." They fall silent again, but this time he's the one to break it when he hears a sniffle. "What can I do?" he asks quietly, leaning towards her. "Is there anything I can do?"

She shakes her head and reaches for the tissue box. "No. I'm fine."

"Kate." He waits until she meets his gaze with watery eyes before rewording his question. "What do you need?"

"Um-" Her cheeks flush and she looks back down at her hands. "This is going to sound silly. But...sometimes I just need a hug."

Castle stands and holds out his hand. "It's not silly. Come here." She hesitates, but he just stays there. "I'm a good hugger."

She glances at his outstretched hand, then takes it and lets him pull her to her feet. She steps into his embrace, and she wraps her arms around his waist and buries her face in his shirt.

He just holds her to him, her lack of shoes making her just the right height for him to prop his chin on the top of her head. After a few minutes she starts to tremble, and he hears her sniffle again, then she steps away and reaches for the tissues.

"Sorry. I hope I didn't get snot on your shirt."

Castle glances at his shirt but he can't tell, and he doesn't care anyway. He's just grateful that she opened up to him this way, that he was able to hold her in his arms for even just a few minutes. It's the least he can do since he's the one that pushed for her to reinvestigate, after she'd told him that she'd put it away for good.

"Don't worry about it," he eventually tells her. "Have you eaten today, aside from the bear claw? Why don't I order you some food?"

Beckett shakes her head. "You don't have to do that. And, um…" She looks over his shoulder and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. "You can stay for awhile. I'd like it if you would."

Castle can't help but smile. "Okay."

It doesn't surprise him that she follows him to the couch when he sits back down, but he does freeze when she sits next to him and wraps her arms around him again. He holds her tight, almost pulling her on his lap, and although he does notice how perfect she feels in his arms, he just enjoys that she's showing him this side of her.

He doesn't stay all day, but he does stay for lunch, and before he leaves he makes her promise that she'll eat dinner and check in with him at least the next day.

When his phone buzzes late in the evening and he sees the picture of a pepperoni pizza, he grins and taps out a quick reply.

Looks delicious.

It was. I'm glad we didn't get it for lunch, I wouldn't want to share.

He chuckles. I wouldn't dream of asking you to. He goes back to his outline draft, and almost misses the next message that comes through.

Thanks again for coming over. You were right. You are a good hugger.

He can imagine her on the other side of the conversation, probably in the same sweats and a large sweatshirt she'd been wearing earlier, maybe curled on the couch again. She's probably biting her lip again, something that drives him absolutely wild, even on somber days like today. And he certainly wouldn't mind hugging - and snuggling - with her again. Preferably soon. Preferably when it can lead to something more.

Any time, Detective. Sleep well.

A/N: Thanks to Lou for this one, too.