So it was true.

He hadn't misheard her.

Just...

"What on earth?" he asked no one in particular, his eyes raised to the sky and his hand pressed against his forehead. "How could she do that? Why would she? And now, when it's her last chance to participate in the school tournaments, when she was so determined to compete with the Queen for the title... Just what is that idiot thinking?"

He inhaled deeply, trying to think of anything that might have been the cause of Chihaya's decision. Again, if he'd been his normal self, he would have solved that riddle in an instant – now, however, his mind was blank, all rational thought shoved away by the astonishment that had fallen upon him just now.

Life was just becoming too easy, wasn't it?

"Are you sure she meant it?" he turned back to Kana again after a short while. "You said it was because of her studying, but I really can't imagine Chihaya changing her priorities like that. Not for good, anyway."

"I know it seems absurd but she was serious about it. In fact, I don't think I have ever seen her so determined in my life, as difficult as it is to imagine," the girl in front of him answered dejectedly. "She kept reassuring us that she still loved karuta and that she would always come back to playing it. She made us promise that we would still work hard during her absence and then in turn she swore that she would always be there for us, whenever we might need help or advice, or even just someone to encourage us when things will seem too hard. But even with all that, she wouldn't let us convince her that her being our Captain – or even just a regular member of the club – had always been of more meaning than any advice she might give us. She just wouldn't budge.

"And we all knew that she had every right to do so. We know what her academic skills are and that she needs to put more effort than some to just score decently. It's only natural that she might want to shift her focus a little so close to the exams, even if it's not something you would normally expect of her. Only..."

"Only what?" Taichi asked eagerly, even though he felt like he already knew what Kanade was going to say.

"Only that no matter how much she talked about it and how good her arguments were, it still seemed like all of this was an excuse rather than a reason for her to leave."

For once, his intuition was on point.

Because of course it was nothing but an excuse. Even if he still wasn't ready to guess – to admit that he had guessed from the start – the real reason for Chihaya's decision, it was obvious that the justification she had used to explain it was a fake one. Even if he hadn't known all that he did, even if he hadn't known her for as long and as well as he had, there was one thing that he was he was utterly, absolutely sure of:

Ayase Chihaya would never have left the karuta club if her bad grades had been the sole reason for it.

No way in hell that she would.

And now, he actually did know quite a lot.

On one hand, he felt arrogant believing that it really might have been because of him that she had made up her mind to leave. For so long he'd lived his life convinced that karuta was the one thing Chihaya cherished the most, to the degree where she had prioritised it not only over her duties, but her social life and even relationships, as well. The talk they'd had a little more than a week ago had surely corrected some of his views, however, it still was a week of enlightenment against a lifetime of belief... A lifetime of thinking that she simply couldn't care about him enough to make a sacrifice this grand, especially when it was of no use anyway.

On the other, all the clues he'd got were just too unambiguous to think of it as just a mere coincidence.

Besides, the useless part of it was exactly what made it probable in Chihaya's case.

"Did she say anything else?" he asked wearily at last, channelling all of his determination into this one simple question, much in the same way Kana had while answering his previous one. "When you tried to persuade her to stay, did she respond with anything other than what you just told me about?"

Again, Kanade denied with a firm shake of her head. "No. She just continued to assure us that this was a decision she'd made and that it wasn't a hasty one. She said she knew it was sudden and that for that it might seem rash, but that she really had thought it through... Though when exactly she might have found the time to do that was a mystery. Still, she repeated that, over and over again, until we had no choice but to accept it. She kept apologising, too, for not letting us know in advance."

"Didn't she though?" Taichi wondered out loud. "Were there really no signs that she might be thinking about leaving?" he added somewhat desperately.

"Nothing she would say. She came to the meetings as always until one day, she didn't. Or rather, she did come, only to say that she was resigning."

It was the first time during this conversation when Taichi heard a hint of irritation ringing in Kana's voice in addition to the sadness present in it almost from the start. Or perhaps it wasn't irritation but disappointment that he discerned now? A quiet reproach Chihaya had earned not by handling things poorly, but by refusing to share her troubles with those meant to be her friends?

An edginess that could only have grown so strong because of the care and devotion behind it.

Was this how his former club members felt about him, too, and only chose to hold back so that they wouldn't hurt him further?

Well, even if, it wasn't the time to be worrying about it.

Right now, he needed answers.

As many as he could get.

"This isn't right," he said, his words muffled by his hand that was once again pressed against his face. "And it doesn't make sense. There must have been something... Something that would suggest she was preparing to leave. Something in her behaviour or her tone, or... I don't know. But if she really had been thinking about it earlier, like she said she had, then surely, it must've affected her somehow."

His brow furrowed under his fingers, the tips of which he now dug into his skin unwittingly. The cogs in his brain were turning, too, as he tried to imagine Chihaya's conduct during those few meetings that she had attended. There couldn't have been many; there simply hadn't been enough time for it between his own resignation and hers.

And he simply couldn't create a vision in which Chihaya would not act suspiciously.

She had always worn her heart on her sleeve, whether it was excitement or worry or fear that she felt. To think that she would come to practice while considering her retirement and behave casually...

That just didn't match her character at all.

"You're an observant person, Oe-san," he muttered after another moment. He knew she was still watching him and he also supposed that she could easily guess what exactly was going through his mind right now, and therefore, he didn't even try to hide his confusion this time. "If Chihaya behaved any differently than before, as I'm sure she did, you certainly didn't miss it. You've picked up on lesser hints," he added, a weary smiled curling his lips again. "So please, don't hide it from me. Unless it's something she asked you not to tell directly-"

"She didn't say anything like that," Kana interrupted him. "But as I said, she didn't really say anything more than what we've already talked about. She wouldn't talk about it."

"Then please tell me what you saw."

Kanade didn't answer him immediately. She looked down again, instead, although this time Taichi noticed that it was neither abashment nor cautiousness that had prompted this little action of hers.

Rather, she appeared thoughtful, as if she'd been trying to recall her own memories from a little less than a month ago, and perhaps to decide which of her observations were actually worth speaking of. He didn't rush her. He didn't tell her to just share everything with him, either, allowing her to pick the parts she deemed valuable and dispose of those she found harmful or futile.

As much as he yearned for all the information he could get, he still had enough reason left in him to understand that he didn't need all of it.

If there was one person that knew what he should hear, it was Kanade.

"I saw her lose her drive," she uttered at last, her eyes still firmly at the ground under her feet. "I saw her come to practice and follow the usual routine with none of the enthusiasm she normally would have shown. I saw her play matches against the first years and nearly lose, because her mind was clearly on other things. They thought she was going easy on them and we let them believe that, but all of the older members knew that she would never do that purposely. And then I heard-"

She stopped short in the middle of the sentence. At this point, Taichi thought his heart would jump out of his chest from the suspense, now only made worse by the barely commenced phrase; but again, he managed to hold himself back, only silently praying that his companion would finish her thought eventually.

After all, she wouldn't have cut herself off like this for some meaningless news.

"I actually heard her say something, too," she chose to finish in the end, a decision for which Taichi was exceedingly grateful. "It wasn't anything she said to me – or to anyone else really – so I probably wasn't supposed to hear it in the first place. In fact, I don't think she even realised that she was saying it out loud, so it feels sort of unfair to focus on it, much less to relay it to you now... But I think you should know!" she exclaimed unexpectedly, raising her gaze to meet Taichi's, her eyes sparkling with resolve. "Maybe I'm wrong and shouldn't tell you after all. Or maybe it doesn't even mean anything and I'm just making a big deal of it unnecessarily. I certainly don't know what Chihaya-chan might have meant, but... but..."

"But maybe I will," Taichi concluded the statement for her. "Is that what you're trying to say?"

Kana nodded firmly.

"Alright. Let's hear it then."

And so she told him. No longer sparing the details, she recalled the one time in the clubroom after the practice was done and the team was getting ready to leave. When they all cleaned and put away the cards and when the first-years showered them with questions, the excitement shining in their eyes as they jumped from one to another, unable to decide whom of their seniors they should ask first and what their inquiry should be about.

She told him how Chihaya had been the only member that had been asked none, simply because she was still kneeling on the mat.

How she had stayed that way for a long while after her match had come to an end, leaning over her cards as if she'd been revising her game, motionless and focused and successfully fooling everyone that this was exactly what she'd been doing. How they let her be, waving a hand at her dismissively at first, deciding to shift their attention to the inquisitive youngsters instead.

And then she told him about the one thing that interested him most. One to which Kana evidently was the only one privy.

"She said that all the cards were black to her," she said straightforwardly. "No, not said. More like, she mumbled it under her breath, so quietly that I wasn't even sure at first that I'd heard her correctly. But she repeated it once, and then once more. They are black to me too, now. And then I knew I hadn't misheard."

It was Taichi who kept silent now, although unlike Kana, he did not look away while doing so. Quite the opposite: his eyes had not left his friend's face since the moment she'd started her tale, and he surely wasn't going to shift his gaze now. Although she didn't know it, she was an anchor to him now. With her kind, supportive expression, with all the care he knew she had for him, he used her as a pillar now, too, while his mind reeled with images of what Kanade had just described. The implications her story had brought.

The hard truth he didn't think possible and yet one that he had no choice but to accept.

It was all so ridiculous.

Really. It was absurd and wrong, and surreal. It fit perfectly with the rest of the puzzle, the one missing piece that confirmed and added meaning to all the rest, while at the same time it screamed crazy and unbelievable and nuts. It was the knowledge she'd shared with him that appeared absolutely ludicrous, and yet he still couldn't think of it as anything but natural. It was insane.

And he didn't feel particularly lucid, either.

He felt like squatting on the ground, or maybe downright falling onto his knees, with his hands buried in his hair as he pondered over the foolishness of it. He didn't know whether he wanted to groan or sigh, or maybe rock with laughter, that due to its obvious mirthlessness would only have been seen as hysterical.

Perhaps Kana had been wrong after all, and had made a mistake by telling him that last part, for as of now, he surely wasn't ready to deal with it.

"Damn it, Chihaya," he grumbled eventually, as he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "All of these years of playing with poems and you still can't come up with your own metaphors. And you want to be a teacher?"

He took a deep breath before lowering his hand and turning sideways, his eyes fixing on the horizon beyond the glass door next to him. He could sense Kana's stare on his countenance, but didn't respond in kind.

"Of all the girls that walk this earth, all the airheads and maniacs and pretty-faces I had to fall for the one who's all three at once," he mused quietly instead. "Of all people I care about, I need to let go of the one that's most difficult to release. The one girl I couldn't forget if I tried."

"Mashima-san," Kanade countered. "I don't think the qualities you've just mentioned have anything to do with it. You don't love Chihaya-chan for her looks, do you? And it's that love that makes it difficult."

"No, you're right, I don't. But all they are a part of who she is," Taichi replied without missing a beat. "All of the qualities I mentioned are. And of course, there are a lot more, too. Still... I feel like it might have been easier if her personality was a little different in those particular aspects, you know?"

"How so?"

"Because then I wouldn't feel like I need to look after her," he said, his eyes shifting to her. "Look, I know she's strong. I know she can take care of herself and doesn't really need me in the way I wished she did. Even with all that, however, I can't help but worry about the times when she does need someone. Even just in high school, there were so many situations when her attitude could have been disastrous, because she couldn't be bothered to consider it from more than one angle, or because she didn't even know that she should.

"It's just... you don't know how difficult it is to stay away from her now," he added in a voice that cracked just a little. "To keep my distance when I see her struggle with something. Only today I had to restrain myself from walking over to her during the lunch break, because she seemed to be terribly under the weather, and I really might have done it if Nishida hadn't got to her first. Even though I know it's not what I should do or what she wants... It's just hard."

The gulp that he took was painful against his tightening throat, but Taichi paid it no mind.

"And it's only going to be worse now that I know about her leaving the club," he continued stubbornly. "Even right now, all I can think of is how I want to run to the library and see her, if only to tell her what I think of that decision of hers. It's stupid, so I won't do it. Still, it won't change the fact that I will want to, and that it won't fade away with time."

"But what does it have to do with Chihaya-chan's character?"

"Only that if I were used to thinking of her as a rational, responsible human being, then maybe stepping aside and letting her live her life wouldn't be this difficult. I wouldn't feel the need to interfere, because I wouldn't be used to doing it. And then it would be easier to reconcile with the fact that I'm not as indispensable as I once thought."

He chanced a glance at her then, a small, sad smile tugging on his lips. He knew what Kanade was going to say next, how she was going to contradict his words; and he didn't mind. After all, the few times when he had actually allowed himself to be vulnerable had always been shared with his (now former) co-members, and it was thanks to them being as helpful and trustworthy as they were.

Yes, that was exactly the word he would use to describe them.

Even with all his fears and all his barriers that he had raised along the years, he still had faith that they would not let him down or reject him, no matter what mistakes he might make.

The only people in the world that made him feel safe.

"Chihaya-chan surely wouldn't say that about you," he heard Kanade answer, much as he'd expected of her. "You are important to her. Even if not in every field, she does need you. And I think you understand that, too. You'd better."

Taichi's smile turned a little warmer.

"I do now," he replied, mindful to emphasise the last word properly. "It wasn't always obvious, but I suppose I'm wiser now, so that's something to be glad about. Even if it still doesn't seem like enough. Maybe it never will."

"But?" Kanade asked. "There's a but coming, isn't there?"

"But it's nothing to be worrying about now," he said, straightening up. "It won't change anything. I know what I must do now, even if it seems nearly impossible at times. Even though it never seems appealing. It's the right thing to do, however, and the only one I am actually certain of at the moment."

The look Kana gave him was sceptical, to say the least. "And by the right thing, do you mean staying away from her?" she asked. "Do you really believe that's the path you should choose?"

"It's the best I could think of and trust me, I've thought about it a lot. I need time. We both do, I think. And... since Chihaya is actually staying aloof... it seems best to use that opportunity and test out my hypothesis. Heaven knows it would be even harder if she did look for my company."

Kanade's gaze only turned more disbelieving, but she said nothing. And Taichi was glad, for he knew that whatever she might say to him now, no matter how wise or logical, would be disregarded by him in an instant. Not because he was free of doubt, like his words might suggest, but because the uncertainty was still there, and he couldn't let it take over him.

Although, there was also one thing he had no doubts about.

Whatever it might have looked like, however much he might have appeared to crave Chihaya's interest, he really didn't want her to come after him again, much less if it were to ask him to come back.

After all, the only reason why their talk last week hadn't gone south immediately was because she wasn't trying to do that.

Not like when...

"Anyway, as I said, there's no point in thinking about it now," he added resolutely, stubbornly refusing to accept this new direction his mind had shown. "Whether I'm right or wrong, only time can tell now. What I do know for sure, though, is that I've kept you long enough, so I won't anymore. Go to Chihaya, and then go to the practice. Tell everyone I say hi," he threw in as casually as he could, too. "And that I, too, am expecting them to work hard. Who knows, maybe if everything goes right, I'll come to cheer for you at the nationals."

"The regionals, you mean?" Kanade asked with a weak, resigned smile.

"I mean what I say," Taichi persisted. "And I say what I mean. You guys can still do it, especially now that Hokuo's best players have graduated. I don't think they even have an A-class player anymore... And you have two, right?"

"Yes, we do. I wasn't aware you knew. How?"

"Let's just say that Nishida was pretty shaken by seeing Tamaru Midori in the clubroom for the first time."

Taichi was happy to see Kanade let out a chuckle, even if she was clearly trying to stifle it. Then she sighed, her eyes shifting towards the wall clock opposite of her and then back to him. He gave a little nod. He understood.

"Really, go to her," he urged gently. "I have my own business to take care of, too. Thank you for the chat though, I really needed it."

"Same here. I'm happy we could talk."

She gave him one final smile and turned, waving her hand sheepishly in the process. Taichi returned the gesture and the expression alike, and then turned around himself, setting off towards the teacher's office, where he'd been supposed to show up much earlier no doubt.

He was not going to forget his task this time.

He only hoped that Taeko-sensei was still waiting for him there.