Nothing seemed real anymore. Nothing made sense. Nothing is all I'll ever be. Ghosts pressed in on every side. My mother, saying she loved me. My father, shouting at me to do something. Zuko screaming he was afraid of me. Uncle shaking his head at me. Ty Lee laughing. Mai smiling that self satisfied smile of hers while she hung on Zuko like a doll. The Dai Li circling around me, chanting their betrayal. Chan pushing me away. That water tribe girl holding chains in her hands. The white dressed asylum doctors. They pressed in on me. Suffocating me. I gripped at my hair, pulling it hard. I think I screamed. My throat was raw.
My hands were covered with blood. I rubbed them on the sand. The blood remained. I threw myself to the water, plunging my hands in and out, scrubbing till my knuckles bled, mixing with the blood of those innocent men I had slaughtered.
"GET OUT!" I screamed. "OUT DAMNED SPOT!" Then I began to cry. My salty tears dripped into the water, one by one. They seemed like drops of blood, spreading their vermilion fingers before vanishing in the water. I clawed at my face, the tears burned me.
"Azula," A low voice called gently. I looked up. Raki stood with his arms outstretched, knee deep in the water. I stumbled to my feet and ran to him. I wanted him to hold me, to protect me from the ghosts, from myself.
"Oh Raki, I'm so sorry!" I threw myself into his arms, only to fall into the water. The cold, unforgiving water. I spluttered and floundered for a moment before finding my legs underneath me and standing. I looked down at the waves lapping against my thighs. It was gentle, caressing me. It would take me home. I was about to let myself fall when a hand touched my shoulder. I turned around.
The woman from my dreams stood there, so distinctly different from the ghosts I knew she was real. Her skin glowed with white light that cleared my mind just by looking at her. She led me out of the water and back up to the land where the dead men lay.
"You know they did not deserve their deaths." Her voice was warm, like the fire within me, but so much gentler. "So, at least give them a proper burial here." She bent down and touched the earth which shrank from her fingers, the sand forming a large, rectangular hole.
"But," I stuttered over that word for a moment. "But I'm not strong enough." She smiled again.
"You need only ask for the strength, Azula, and I will give it to you." With that, she leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Strength moved through me, tugging at my muscles and I set to work. I took each man, bathed him in the ocean, replaced his armor, and lay him in his tomb. The row of men grew, one by one, shoulder to shoulder. As I laid each one in his last resting place, the woman gave him a kiss on his forehead. One by one their burns disappeared. When the last man was laid to rest and the woman had given him the kiss of healing, I stopped, unsure of my next task. The woman looked at me kindly, and told me to repeat the prayer she would tell me.
"Eternal rest grant unto them, Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Let this be done according to your will." I repeated. The woman stooped down and touched the earth again. The sands shifted and covered the men, solidifying into stone on top of them, sealing them in forever.
The woman smiled at me again and she took my hand. In silence, we walked up to the cabin. She gave me food, though I never saw her cook. Never have I tasted such food! The bread was sweet and practically melted in my mouth. The meat was tender and perfectly seasoned. The fruit was so sweet and so full of juice it trickled down my chin as I sank my teeth into it. THe nectar refreshed me despite its sweetness. She offered me a golden cup filled to the brim with blood red wine. I only hesitated for a moment before drinking a long draft of the best wine I had ever tasted. She touched not a morsel, but when I finished, the leftovers were more than enough food to last me three or four weeks! But with a whisk of her hand, the food disappeared and I was glad. I was full, really full for the first time since I had lived like a princess in the palace.
The woman took my hand and laid me in bed, tucking me in like my mother used to do a very long time ago. She kissed my forehead and I fell asleep.