Caroline can feel Gillian's excitement the moment she wakes up. The farmer is nearly vibrating with it, even while lying in bed. After receiving a quick peck on the cheek, Caroline watches as Gillian bolts out of bed and flies out the door. Gillian bounding down the stairs panics the dog of course, who follows barking, making Caroline cover her eyes with her hands. She chuckles. The day has started.
Caroline showers and dresses, the joy of wearing casual clothes on a weekday offering a frisson of rebellion. Gone is the formal conformity of her day job because today is the start of a couple of days off. It also means no Flora to look after this morning; she's with Greg until Sunday and as Raff is keeping an eye on the sheep, Gillian is free too.
Caroline contemplates the itinerary in her mind; they have two farms to visit tomorrow, one sheep and one goat farm, as Gillian is examining the idea of cheese production to expand her farming options. It's a full day workshop complete with animal handling, milk production and cheese making. Caroline isn't particularly interested, but she has supported John through his writing, and Gillian's farming is much less stale as an idea. It feels right to her, to be there for Gillian while she considers such significant changes to her livelihood. A little smirk plays at her lips; she knows no matter what happens they'll have fun. They always do.
Capitalising on a few days away from home, the two woman also plan to have a mucky mini break and explore the gaudy delights of Blackpool. Caroline suspects the seaside resort won't be her cup of tea either, but sharing Gillian's joy will be worth it. Gillian's never been and she's clearly buzzing about it; she's been bouncing around like a two-year-old for a week, searching online for places to go and things to do, which makes Caroline grin. She's more of an art gallery/bookshop type of tourist; Gillian's more the fun fair/dog show type of tourist, if the websites the farmer has been looking at are any indication. They'll no doubt compromise with a walk along the beach, and if she's lucky, a fair bit of sex.
This is the first time she's been away with Gillian and she anticipates she'll be able to inspire the farmer to be up for 'christening' each hotel room they visit. The thought makes her shimmy as she looks in her drawer for something more fun to wear in the evenings, something Gillian will enjoy taking off her.
The blonde stands by the edge of the bed for a moment, thinking about what else she'll need to take on the trip. She starts to pack the essentials and the small travel suitcase is nearly full by the time Gillian stomps her way upstairs, this time with a couple of mugs of coffee.
Handing over one of the mugs, Gillian peers into the suitcase.
"Got everything?"
"Nearly. Are we going somewhere posh for dinner do you think? Would you like to?" Caroline asks, not certain it is something Gillian wants to do.
"Ummm," Gillian stalls. She's thinking about what Caroline would like, and that makes her decision for her. "Sure. Let's do it." She qualifies her answer. "Not too posh though, okay?"
Caroline nods. She can manage that.
Gillian looks again inside the suitcase, grunts, and then pulls a box from underneath her bedside table, unlocks it, and searches inside until she finds what she's after. Dumping the item into an opaque plastic bag she plonks it at the back of the suitcase.
Caroline is watching, her mouth agape. "Really?"
"You never know if we might want it," Gillian suggests, the smirk matching the glint in her eyes.
"It couldn't go in your bag, could it?" Caroline asks timidly.
"You're the one who's always prepared. You know, a Girl Scout or sommat."
"They didn't prepare us for things like that, Gillian."
"P'raps they should've."
Caroline glares at her lover. "I'm sure that wasn't on the curriculum."
Gillian sneaks a hand under Caroline's shirt to rest on her belly, reaching up for a kiss. "Well it might have, if I'd been about."
Caroline closes her eyes and sighs, her mind wandering into Gillian's teenage years; she can just imagine that Gillian would have had other skills to teach her back then.
Gillian's hand travels down towards Caroline's crotch. "A badge for wanking, a badge for—"
"Gillian!" Caroline grabs Gillian's hand to stop its progress before she's too distracted. She knows she needs to have a shove along the path of self acceptance every now and then; better it comes from Gillian than someone else. She chuckles and stares into her suitcase. She nods, wondering how long it will take to get to Longridge, and hoping they'll be able to book in early. She turns to Gillian for a promising kiss. "Okay."
Gillian smirks and pats Caroline on the bottom before gleefully skipping out of the bedroom to have a shower.
When she's finished packing, Caroline heads into the bathroom to blow dry her hair. The room has fogged up and Gillian is singing tunelessly in the shower.
"I can't smile without you, I can't laugh and I can't sing, I'm finding it hard to do anything."
Gillian's happiness is infectious and a warmth washes over Caroline as she stands there, grinning madly with every note Gillian flattens. It doesn't matter that she can't actually sing in tune, because Gillian is singing loudly and sharing her joy and Caroline will never tire of such a delight. In some ways it makes her a bit jealous; she'd love to be that free of other people's opinions. At least she can be close to someone who is happy just to be herself, even for a moment. Caroline feels her heart expand. She is blessed to have Gillian in her life.
As she starts up the noisy hair dryer, a beaming smile on her face, Caroline joins in.
"I feel glad when you're glad, If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile without you!"
.
.
Anywhere, Anytime by Beau Taplin, from Worlds of You, 2017
Can't Smile without You, by Chris Arnold, David Martin & Geoff Morrow, 1978. Sung by Barry Manilow.
NB: Nicola Walker sang this in a scene in Four Weddings and a Funeral. She's fabulous, so my apologies for making Gillian sing tunelessly! You can find it on YouTube but I can't post the link here.