"Are we going to talk about it?" Cosima asks as she's driving towards Halifax. At least they're finally in Nova Scotia.
"The baby thing or your telomeres? " Delphine shifts in her seat, trying to get comfortable.
"Both." Cosima admits. "I need you to let me be in charge of my own biology. I need you to let me make the decisions." This is back where she doesn't want to be with Delphine. This is something she thought they'd worked out already.
"And I will. I have."
"My biology. My decisions. I choose whether or not to try to extend my life. I choose whether or not we try to make a bone marrow baby someday. Because I'd be the one they'd have to harvest from and that is some excruciating shit to do for no reason."
"Of course." Delphine tells her sadly. "It needs to be your decision Cosima. We have time. We don't need to do it now."
Cosima groans. "You say these things but then you look at me like you want it so badly you're going to burst."
"I do want you so badly." Delphine responds.
"I know you want me. But it's a whole lifetime thing. You know? You could find another partner in your 50s after I peg out. You have that option. It's not like I am dooming you to a lifetime of loneliness."
"But I want you!" Delphine protests. "I don't want anyone else. Not a man. Not another woman. I want you. And I don't want you to die young."
"It's not just death is it? It's like Dolly the sheep. I could get arthritis stupid young as my telomeres shorten. I could get cancer or heart disease or whatever knocks out old people these days."
"It's true I don't want you to be sick." Delphine admits. "I can prevent it. Why don't you let me? We can work on it together. We are an amazing team."
"And if I am sick, I won't be able to put out like you want." Cosima tries to lighten the mood. "This could all be very self-serving of you."
Delphine is instantly enraged. "I love you! I am devoted to you. Sex or no sex." Delphine argues vehemently.
"So if our sex life dried up, you'd still be there?"
"Always. I'd kiss you as much as I could. I would find other ways to show you I love you."
"Romantic sap."
"Only for you."
"Does the idea of having my baby like really turn you on? Or is it more of an emotional thing?" Cosima cannot help but be curious.
"A baby that is genetically ours? Sounds pretty perfect. And beyond that..." Delphine stops for a moment and then continues. "Did you know that there is some minor DNA transfer between mother and child during pregnancy? They can detect it decades later. They call it maternal-fetal cellular trafficking."
"Nope. Actually. I didn't know that." Cosima cannot feign that it is uninteresting. Pregnancy had never really interested her so it makes sense she has knowledge gaps. Gaps that Delphine may want her to eliminate in the future.
"There is… they can detect it more easily when a woman has had a son. The XY chromosome from their son's cells that crossed the placenta. They sometimes see it in women who aborted or miscarried too." Delphine elaborates calmly. "I came across some of the research years ago. An immunology colleague of mine was very fixated on maternal-fetal interactions and bacterial colonization during birth."
"So… having my baby would permanently put some of my DNA inside you?" Cosima looks over at her wife. "That sounds even more dangerous. Because it's Leda DNA. We don't know what all my synthetic sequences do, Delphine."
"It would be the baby's DNA. Not yours. There'd be me in there too. We'd only put in a perfect embryo. We could be very very careful." Delphine closes the topic. "But yes. I want that. But if you don't… and you still don't in four or five years then we won't do it."
Cosima sighs. "We can look into the telomerase. Research only. I won't allow anything else until I decide what I want to do. And we have to explain what telomeres are to Sarah, Alison and Helena… because they deserve to make those decisions too."
"Thank you, mon amour."
"Don't thank me… I just… I want more. I want to experience life with you. Everything life has to offer. I want to travel anywhere with you. And not just when we go on our clone-curing extravaganza."
"We can't go everywhere." Delphine tells her, suddenly solemn.
"Why not?"
"There are countries in the world where being your lover could get us thrown in jail." Delphine sighs. "It's ridiculous, but I don't want to risk us being jailed or fined… Or assaulted. Other places where it's not safe to travel as a woman unaccompanied by a man. And we won't be accompanied."
"We could be careful." Cosima can only suggest softly. "What makes you think about that?"
"Mostly that I want to do everything with you. Travel. Study. Research. Make love. Be your wife. Make a child. Work. Publish. Teach. I want everything a long life can offer. And I want to come home to you, to our home every night."
"We can have it." Cosima answers softly. "We can, Delphine. Whether I die at 48 or 84. We will make the best of it. I do think some of our work should be separate though… you know, healthy balance."
"I know we will." Delphine smiles, agreeing. "Don't miss the exit."
"Shit… shit." Cosima glances back at the road sign. "I guess I'll take the next one."
On their second day in Halifax, Delphine opts to disappear for a few hours. Their first day had been awkward exploring and less romantic than she'd liked. Surely Cosima would find something to do far from their cozy hotel in Halifax. It's not difficult to find what she's looking for. A quick google search on her phone yields several possibilities.
She's trying on lingerie for the better part of an hour, trying to decide what would arouse Cosima the most. What would add something to their encounters. She's still a bit sore, but there's no reason that Cosima would have to do anything.
"You back finally?" Cosima calls as she hears her open the door. Her lover smells like she's been getting baked.
"You had a joint?" Delphine looks around. She certainly doesn't want to end up paying the smoking fee in this hotel. Maybe they were more lenient about pot than cigarettes?
"Yeah. I did. But not inside. I went and smoked it down by the waterfront a couple hours ago. Had a snack. You've been gone a while." Cosima is smiling at her, as if their previous serious conversations were long forgotten.
"I want to eat at one of the fancy seafood restaurants tonight." Delphine tells her wife. "We'll find one with a half-decent vegetarian options."
"Done." Cosima nods. "I haven't spent much time on the east coast. It's nice. People are pretty chill. I thought we might go check out the Bay of Fundy. Or drive to Cape Breton when we're done in Halifax?"
"Smells like fish." Delphine supplies helpfully. Perhaps a morning fish market was not the place to take her vegetarian lover, but she'd wanted to see it. Wanted to watch the sunrise over the water with Cosima by the hand. Wanted to eek out every beautiful moment she could.
"Yeah. In parts. Where were you?"
"Getting a surprise for you." Delphine tells her honestly.
"Can I have my surprise now?" Cosima bats her eyes playfully, half skipping towards her.
Delphine only smiles. "Sit on the bed and wait for me. No toys." She adds sternly.
"That kind of surprise?" Cosima laughs. "I'll be gentle next time. I promise."
"No toys." Delphine states again. She won't be letting Cosima do that again in a hurry. She knew Cosima could be gentle, if she chose to be.
Cosima crosses her arms. "Fine. No toys."
Delphine changes quickly. When she emerges from the washroom, she delights in the heat of Cosima's gaze quickly going down her body. Cosima is nearly naked, having stripped down to her underwear in anticipation.
"No panties?" Cosima seems taken aback.
"No… no panties." Delphine turns, letting Cosima take her in. Her lingerie is all ice blue lace, the bustier barely hiding her breasts from view, a garter belt around her waist and silk stockings, but no panties. Instead, her sex is exposed, the small thatch of manicured curls providing the barest amount of coverage.
"Wow. OK." Cosima looks at her, uncharastically speechless. "Now what?"
"Now you touch me. Very slowly." Delphine instructs, slipping onto Cosima's lap. "But don't undress me yet."
"How?" Cosima smiles, eager for this silly game. Perhaps it had been the right decision after all.
"You're not allowed inside me." Delphine spells out the limits. "Otherwise whatever you want."
"That's an unusual restriction, especially for a woman not wearing underwear." Cosima murmurs, leaning in to kiss her neck. "Are you really sore still?"
"It's better." Delphine acknowledges, she pulls Cosima in to kiss. Rolling her hips as she unfastens Cosima's bra. Satisfied once she's found skin, she rolls her hips again..Cosima's hands wander the lace, she wants to tease her. To draw this out. But she finds Cosima incredibly eager. She pushes Cosima back, gently sucking at her nipples, laving her tongue over firm round breasts.
"This shit was expensive." Cosima whispers. Hands grazing the lace. Cosima's definitely aroused by it, Delphine realizes smugly. But maybe it's not quite enough.
"Yes. And it's for you." Delphine urges, hands wander lace before one settles between her willing legs. Cosima begins to stroke her softly. It's not enough, she kisses her wife softly. Eager for more.
"Mmmm. Dr Cormier. This is hot." Cosima giggles into her ear, even as she rolls her onto her back on the bed. Cosima slows, kissing the swells of her barely contained breasts, sliding her hands over the expensive lingerie.
"Lie back." Delphine instructs, smiling as Cosima quickly falls backwards. "Move back towards the headboard. »
Cosima grins widely, anticipating her next move. But Delphine slows things down, gripping onto the fabric covered headboard will grinding down against Cosima's hip, her belly. She hears Cosima moan at the feel of her. And grinds again.
"Go down on me." Delphine demands, she watches Cosima pull her hips up to her face without hesitation.
"God...yes…" Cosima moans. "You want to sit on my face."
She wants to draw it out, make this a much longer session, but Cosima's mouth is insistent underneath Licking, suckling, trying to bring her to completion far too soon.
"Plus lent." Delphine begs. She tries to slow her hips, to draw this part of their encounter out.
Cosima looks up and shoots her a mischievous look for a moment before pressing her face in more deeply. Tongue stiffening and pressing. Her wet swollen sex yields easily.
Delphine gasps at the intrusion of Cosima's tongue. That most definitely is against the rule.
"Chérie… your tongue is inside me." It isn't making her sore, Delphine acknowledges but it makes her sigh.
Cosima merely hums and thrusts up with her tongue again, long and drawn out before returning her mouth to her swollen clit.
"Brat." Delphine breathes, but she cannot complain for long. Not when Cosima begins to move like that. Breathy moans fill the room, and Cosima hums deeply into her. And it's perfect.
She keens and gushes, hoping that this hotel has decent soundproofing. She moves back, settling herself lower on Cosima's body, moving in to kiss her.
"God that was hot." Cosima is breathless but delighted.
"You broke the rule." Delphine reminds her, still coming down.
"I bent it a little. It was only my tongue." Cosima smirks. "You just taste so good."
"I didn't say no fingers inside me. I said you can't be inside me." Delphine closes her eyes. She's not going to argue it, but perhaps, perhaps she should play with Cosima a bit.
Cosima leans in for a slow soft kiss. "Oops." She tells Delphine playfully when they're through.
"Now it's your turn." Delphine tells her. "Take this off me. Unless you want me to keep it on while I make love to you. »
Cosima does her best, strong nimble fingers going to unfasten the lingerie. "So for part two, you want to be naked?"
"For part two, I want you begging to have me inside you." Delphine tells her in a sigh. "And I will."
She's crouched between a keening Cosima's legs, licking and sucking happily. She knows how to bring Cosima pleasure and no refractory period means she can bring Cosima to a second climax immediately. Delphine has learned what makes Cosima moan or whimper or scream, how to make Cosima buck her hips against her. She wants Cosima wet, dripping arousal and begging for her.
"Inside… Delphine...fuck.." Cosima moans at her.
She continues with her mouth instead, intent on milking every ounce of pleasure from Cosima's body. When Cosima comes again, she's a shaking mess under her mouth, fingers grasped firmly in her hair as her thighs squeeze Delphine's head.
"Inside." Cosima begs again. "Please."
"It feels so good." Delphine assures Cosima, thrusting her fingers in gently. She moves up her body. "I love your taste. Your smell."
"You missed this?"
"Very much so… I love being inside you. Feeling you."
"I know." Cosima smiles at her, relaxed and enjoying this easy stimulation. "You are a craven addict."
"I want you to let me in Cosima… let me all the way inside you. I want to be inside your body with you. Any way I can be." It sounds ridiculous, but Delphine just lets herself talk. Hoping something she says will ring true. Will touch Cosima.
"Delphine…" Cosima looks at her, but doesn't move to stop her movements. "I've never done that… and… I am not sure I am comfortable with it."
"I want it… I want to be the only one to take you like that." Delphine suggests. "I want to fill you with my hand. I want you to feel what I felt."
"Was it that good?" Cosima smiles at her for a moment.
"Yes!"
Cosima sighs. "OK. You can try. But… I might stop you."
"Will you really want to? When you could have me?"
"Depends how much it hurts." Cosima admits. "I know our bodies can theoretically accommodate passing a newborn through there, but there's also my uterus and my growths. I'm not a big person either. I might just be too small." Cosima blurts this all out in a rush.
"Small?" Delphine echoes Cosima. Cosima's short stature wasn't something she spent a lot of time thinking about. Her lover being four or five inches shorter wasn't a big deal. Why should this be?
"Maybe I'm afraid it'll just hurt or something will tear or I'll start bleeding. Like painful disaster sex."
"Cosima, I won't hurt you!" Delphine emphasizes.
"How do you know that?"
Delphine is quick to answer her. "Because I love you. Because I am going to be so slow and so gentle. I've experienced you in me like that. I won't hurt you. I'm going to make love to you. How could our lovemaking be horrible? In any form. And if it doesn't work today, we can always try again another day."
"It makes me nervous. I know I've taken four fingers once or twice with you. That felt like a lot. Your purple cock already feels big. Your hands aren't really small."
"They're not big either." Delphine argues.
"No. They're more or less like mine size wise." Cosima agrees.
"I cannot get enough of me inside you." Delphine murmurs. "I need it."
"Like psychologically?"
"Yes. It's this emotional urge. It's possessive, and it's always here." Delphine tells her.
"Get the lube. Before I change my mind." Cosima sighs. "Let's try it. No promises."
Delphine cannot contain her excitement, but she tries to appear subdued.
"You're so fucking excited." Cosima laughs at her while she's applying lubricant to her hand.
It's easy, surprisingly so, to get four fingers into Cosima. Delphine waits until Cosima is relaxed around her fingers. She thinks briefly of offering more oral stimulation while entering, but decides against it. She wants to be able to see Cosima's face.
"Does this feel good?"
"Yeah." Cosima sighs, comfortably reclined on the bed.
"You feel amazing." Delphine tells her as she works in her thumb.
"I do?" Cosima looks up nervously.
Delphine stares down into her beloved's brown eyes. "I love you. I can never get deep inside enough… I always want more. I want it to be me filling you up. Not a lump of silicone. Not a fake dick."
"I want you." Cosima mumbles. "I want you inside me, Delphine."
She pushes in, Cosima whimpering under her. But her lover's strong hands grip her encouragingly. And it seems doable.
"Slower?" Delphine offers. But Cosima shakes her head. It's a little awkward, but she feels her way in, rotating. And then she's inside and Cosima is crying, she stills instantly.
"Holy shit." Cosima repeats between her tears. "Holy shit."
"I am inside you" Delphine croons, trying to soothe her. "Je t'aime. T'es incroyable." Cosima is so tight around her she's nervous to move, simply lets her hand still deep inside. She stares deep into Cosima's eyes, hoping that this moment will mean just as much to Cosima.
"You are." Cosima repeats. "I… I didn't think your hand could fit. But… it's in."
"You are amazing." Delphine assures, she is about to start the same delicate twisting motion Cosima had used on her, but something stops her. "How does it feel?"
"I am getting used to it." Cosima tells her. "Just… be very still. OK?"
"Of course." Delphine promises. "Do you want my mouth too? I could suck on you for a bit?"
"Please."
Delphine descends Cosima's body immediately, she begins softly sucking Cosima's clit, flicking it delicately with her tongue. It relaxes Cosima, as she suspected it would. She wonders if this is how Cosima should orgasm this way. Make this experience a brief one. But she hesitates.
She stares at her wrist sticking out of Cosima, lets her tongue make contact there. Both to soothe Cosima and to remind herself that this is not just about how it looks.
"You're looking." Cosima teases her, but she's breathless.
"I cannot help it. I love it." Delphine whispers back.
She begins to move, rocking first and finally twisting softly inside her Cosima. She lowers her mouth again, trying to make this as perfect as possible.
"Delphine..Delphine…" Cosima sobs her name, shaking under her, around her.
She's awed by Cosima's orgasm, the intensity, the sounds and how much of it she can feel.
"Wow…" Cosima breathes as she's coming back to herself. "Wow."
"Wow." Delphine echoes the sentiment. Gently moving to gradually remove her hand from her lover.
"Keep licking me." Cosima urges. "Please."
Delphine does, and slowly, slowly eases her hand out one finger at a time. She's coated in lube and Cosima's copious arousal. She lowers her face one last time to lay a soft kiss against Cosima's sex. She doesn't doubt that Cosima feels tenderness, if not soreness.
Uncharacteristically speechless, Cosima gathers her up into her arms and lays a kiss on her head. She returns the gesture, kissing Cosima as deeply as possible.
"So?" Delphine asks gently.
"Holy shit." Cosima repeats.