Chapter 8: Eddy

"Ladies and germs, you've seen the fork. You've seen the spoon. You've even seen the spork. But what I'm about to show will change the world of eating utensils forever! I present to you: The Foon!"

Eddy proclaimed this bold statement to the audience of 20 or so people as he showed off a fork whose tines had been flattened into spoon heads in his hand. To his left sat three huge boxes of "foons" and to his right a plugged in microwave on a stand.

"You have a golden opportunity here folks!" Eddy declared. "For the measly starter's fee of $200, you can sell foons on Edco's behalf and ride the smooth train to Richville!"

"What a load of crap!" One of the "patrons" shouted.

"Excuse me!?" Eddy yelled angerly.

"It says here that foons are 35% less efficient than the world's worst spork!"

"Oh yeah!" Eddy challenged just as the microwave dinged. He ripped it open and took out a bowl of instant ramen.

"Just you watch! I'll show you efficient these babies really are!"

Eddy tried to bring the food to his mouth but the noodles kept falling off the tines, leaving only liquid in the heads. This prompted the entire audience to explode into laughter as one by one, they left the room.

Eddy could only stare at the empty chairs in shock before gritting his teeth and throwing the bowl down, shattering it on the stage.

"Dammit!"

"And that's what happened." Eddy moaned. He was now on his way home, riding shotgun as his wife, Lee, was driving them both home in her car.

"I'm sorry that happened babe." Lee replied, trying her hardest to sympathize with her husband even though she knew his scam was never going to work in the first place. "But at least you didn't get beat up like last time!"

"Yeah." Eddy sadly agreed, memories of his childhood at Peach Creek and with his friends suddenly filling his mind. That tend to happen a lot.

"Eddy." Lee began. Eddy mentally groaned for he knew what was about to escape his wife's mouth. "I really think it's time to find a real job."

Eddy didn't say anything at first. Instead he just looked sadly toward the road.

"Eddy. Did you hear me?" Lee asked, not wanting Eddy to dodge the question like he always did.

"Yeah. I heard yah." Eddy mumbled.

"Then why don't you ever try?" She asked sharply.

"It's just..." Eddy took a deep breath. "It's just that scams are all I know. It was the closest thing I had to a talent back in Peach Creek and even then I only got by because of those guys." The memory of his friends once again stabbed his brain with nostalgia and longing.

The years have not nearly been as kind to Eddy as they had been to his friends. Sure, he got married and had a kid but he was never able to hold down a steady job for more than a few months. The family was mostly supported by Lee's job as a tech support operator. Eddy didn't even more then a few inches during his high school years. Other than his somewhat muscular arms and peach fuzz above his mouth, he didn't even really look different from his kid self. How his wife still found him attractive was beyond him.

Before the conversation could continue, the couple pulled up on their house just as Trixie, the babysitter, was opening the door. Following her was a chubby boy with a red and white striped shirt stained with various foodstuffs and green shorts He was yelling loudly and pelting Trixie with toy solders.

"Skipper!" Lee yelled. "Behave!"

The rowdy boy immediately stopped and looked into the direction of his mother. "Sorry Mommy!"

Eddy just groaned once more. Skipper was a very naughty kid and would only ever listen to his mother.

"Thanks again for putting up with him Trixie." Lee said in a somewhat apologetic tone as she handed Trixie her pay.

"It's no problem." Trixie chirped, ignoring the chunk of hair missing from her scalp. "I'm sure he'll grow out of it eventually."

"We can only hope." Lee muttered.

"Oh! By the way!" Trixie said as she pulled out an envelope. "This came in the mail today. It doesn't have a return address."

"Thanks." Eddy replied as he took the letter. "We'll take care of it."

Okay! See ya!" Trixie beamed as she entered her car and left.

"I wish I could have what ever that kid's smoking." Lee mused. "There's no way someone can be that chipper when after dealing with our kid right Eddy?"

Lee received no answer.

"Eddy?" Lee turned and saw her husband completely enthralled by the letter he opened.

"Gimme that." Lee tore the letter from her husband who didn't even react.

"Well I'll be dammed." Lee said before turning back to her husband. "What are you thinking?"

"Back to Peach Creek...do you think it's one of the kids?"

"Probably. It could even be one of my dumbass sisters or even.."

"My friends." Eddy's mouth curved upwards into a huge grin. "And that means...I'll be able to up my scam game!"

"Say what now?" Lee chocked.

"This is amazing!" Eddy screamed. "I'll find a way to make a buck off this if it kills me!"

As her husband continued to laugh to himself, Lee could only shake her head and facepalm.

"Guess I can finally cash in those vacation days."