DECEMBER 10 TUESDAY
Breakfast was being served and James was reading the news. One article captured his interest to such a degree he had to read it out loud:
Terrorist attacked Chenille's in Swinesale on Monday. A Hogwarts student broke a window with a jar of gold completely unprovoked says shop assistant. Then he unleashed a kappa and made his escape before the aurors arrived. Chenille's is now closed due to high levels of kappa toxins and the staff is very worried.
"We're all terrified," said Madame Papillion who saw it happen. "The gold has attracted beggars and they're bound to have fleas. Death Pests are coming as soon as they can with their hellhounds to get rid of the beggars and I am very allergic."
The Daily Prophet has tried to contact the Headmaster of Hogwarts for a comment.
James put down the news paper.
" 'Terrorist attacked'! I've seen worse terrorist attacks on my bonsai Jinmenju!"
"They need pruning or their heads will grow mold," said Remus.
"I only agreed to a little off the top!"
Sirius, however, would not simply ignore the werewolf in the room.
"Prongs you're ignoring the werewolf in the room!"
"My Jinmenju is dropping heads and crawling with aphids. I'm waiting for an apology."
Sirius turned to Remus.
"You actually terrorised Chenille's on Hoity Street?"
Click, click. That was the third bee cosy Remus was knitting this morning.
"Weeellll..."
"Without a mask!"
"I thought masks were for wusses."
"If I'm such a role model to you, how come you refuse to cross a cemetery without a helmet?"
"It's not like I planned it."
"You didn't plan it? That's like the first rule of terrorism: PLAN IT!"
"I'm not a terrorist!"
"I say! Yet you will without a doubt be called to the Headmaster's office. Again! I've never been called to the Headmaster's office. What will I have to terrorise, to be called to the Headmaster's office?"
Sirius peeled a gold star from a stickers sheet and put it on Remus's robes.
"I have dreams where drive a truck into the Court of Diagon Alley..."
"That's flattering, that I have inspired you."
"Oh yeah, your pruning has really inspired me!"
Remus remembered those magic jelly beans. He whipped out the match box where he kept them.
"Look what this mysterious witch gave me for Shishi," he said.
"Wow!" said Peter.
"You really traded Shishi for some beans?" James asked.
"Only temporarily," said Remus. "They're magic beans, how could I say no?"
Auld Lang Syne, on bagpipe.
"McGonagall alert," Sirius mumbled and switched off his amulet.
McGonagall was indeed coming their way. Remus put blue contact lenses in his eyes.
"Do you have some glasses he can borrow?" Sirius asked James. "Like your reading glasses?"
"My reading glasses? I need those to read! But I'm sure I have some other pair..."
James moved his toast plate aside and began to empty his pockets.
"My flying glasses, my walking around glasses, my egg-painting glasses... Oh, here's a pair I never use!"
"What are they?"
"They're my rose-tinted glasses. I don't know why I bought them. It seemed like an awesome idea when I tried them out."
Sirius put the glasses on Remus, and never had Remus seen so many rainbows. These would disguise him perfectly and they surely went perfectly with the turban that Sirius went on to place over his head. Turbans! What a great hat!
McGonagall was out of words when she saw Remus in the glasses and turban, that was how impressed she was. When McGonagall asked him to come with her, he was more than happy to do so because McGonagall was just all around great. When they made it to the foot of the stairs to Dumbledore's office, Remus was so happy he could explode.
Dumbledore was talking to a pair of aurors. How fun! The more the merrier!
They arose when McGonagall and Remus came in.
"I'm detective inspector Cheer and this is my assistant, sergeant Moudacouscous," said DI Cheer. "We're from the Yard. What do you think, Moody? Does he match the drawing?"
Sergeant Moody went to look very closely at Remus, taking the drawing with him. Remus thought, what incredible eyes the sergeant has; one was brown, the other so full of life like a pinball machine!
"No, no, no!" said Sergeant Moody, his voice deep and mysterious! "This isn't right at all, Cheer. The terrorist didn't wear a turban or glasses. His eyes were the colour of those special drops I take before I cry myself to sleep, not blue."
Such a sensitive soul, too!
DI Cheer turned to McGonagall.
"We probably should have mentioned, we were looking for a chap withoutaturban and glasses. Really thought you could tell from the drawing."
"And also, he had eyes like the special drops I put in my breakfast coffee to put up with all the office imbeciles," said Sergeant Moody.
"I really can't think of anybody who currently has eyes the colour of a fine Strathisla," said McGonagall.
"Well I suppose it's possible the shop assistant was mistaken," said DI Cheer.
"You mean, perhaps the terrorist wasn't a Hogwarts student after all?"
"No it was definitely a Hogwarts student because he was supposedly looking for something to wear for the Yule Ball."
"He could have lied about that," said Sergeant Moody. "People don't always look their age and this terrorist took advantage of the fact, to confuse authorities, that is to say, us. Yes we are dealing with a cunning one. If you ask me, the terrorism was nothing more than a dead herring to divert our attention from the fact that WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE CHICKENS! WHERE ARE THEY!"
Sergeant Moody had his face so close to Remus's, he could smell the coffee and hobnobs! His energetic eye popped out of its socket, hanging down like a stoned Jack-In-A-Box.
"Get a hold of yourself, Sergeant!" said DI Cheer. "He isn't Dick Turpin!"
"Then we are wasting our time here."
"Remember that I am your senior."
"We are wasting our time here, sir." But behind DI Cheer, sergeant Moody made a rude face and an up-yours sign.
"We are wasting our time here," said DI Cheer. "So sorry to have bothered you."
McGonagall showed them both to the door and closed it after them. Then she knocked the turban off Remus's head and tore off the glasses.
All those rainbows, gone. Never had the world seemed so... dark.
"You're an idiot!" said McGonagall. "That's ten weeks of counseling to you!"
"Counseling what no!"
"Counseling what yes!"
Well blasted.