Chapter 9
Aang's eyes opened up and he was instantly awake. It was one of those mornings where the transition from being asleep to being awake was instantaneous. He was greeted with a bright, sunny morning. He looked over at Katara's sleeping bag and she was still asleep, lying on her side in a mostly curled up position. He smiled at her, thinking she looked cute.
He looked back up at the sky as he lay flatly in his own sleeping bag. The previous night was still fresh on his mind. It felt like somehow everything was different now, but he knew nothing had really changed.
Well, she knows how I feel about her, he thought. She doesn't want to be together right now, but maybe she will when this is all over. I mean, she kissed me last night. That's gotta mean she likes me too, right? Wait, what am I thinking, of course that's what it means. Why would she kiss me if she didn't like me?
Just gotta end this stupid war and then we can be together.
Aang suddenly felt very eager to head to the Eastern Air Temple as fast as possible. He looked over at her again and was about to wake her up so that they could get moving, but she just looked so peaceful. Instead, he decided to let her sleep in a bit longer and silently began making them breakfast.
"What smells so good?" Katara said with a yawn as she woke up.
"I made breakfast," Aang said. "Grain porridge and fruit for me, and I cooked some of that dried meat for you."
"That's so sweet," she said as she sat up. He handed her food to her on one of the wooden plates they had brought. She looked down at it and saw her meat had been burnt to a crisp. She gave him a queasy smile. "Uh… thank you, Aang. You know, I don't think I've ever seen you cook meat before..."
"Firebending is really useful for cooking," Aang said. "I didn't even need a kettle to boil the water for these grains. Iroh showed me how to heat water myself. And for that meat, I just blasted it with fire for a while!"
She took a bite of it and it had an unpleasant crunch that filled her mouth with the taste of carbon. It took a long time to chew.
"Well, I'm stuffed!" She said and laughed uneasily.
"But you only took one bite."
"Uhhh… I'll save the rest for later. I wasn't that hungry." She forced a smile at him.
After breakfast, the two of them packed their things, prepped the war balloon, and were off flying again. A few hours later they were now over the ocean, on the last stretch before reaching the mountainous landmass where the Eastern Air Temple waited.
"I think I see it," Katara said and pointed ahead. On the horizon, the three towering peaks of the Eastern Air Temple were visible amongst the mountains of the distant island. Aang closed the furnace hatch and walked over to the front of the gondola.
"Yup, that's it."
"Have you ever been there before? Besides the first time you met the guru, I mean."
"A few times. I was born there, too."
"Really? Not the Southern Air Temple?"
"The North and South air temples were inhabited by boys and the East and West air temples by girls. So nearly all Air Nomads are born in the East and West temples. The monks told me I had been born at the Eastern Air Temple, so I guess my mom was from there."
Over the last year they had spent together, the topic of Aang never having known his parents had come up multiple times. It was one of the earliest conversations they ever had, on their way to the Southern Air Temple, shortly after they first met. There wasn't much left to say about it; Aang had already relayed how the monks explained it to him: All people are part of the same family, and fragmenting them into small family units only served the illusion that we are separate from one another. She understood the logic of it, but to her, growing up without knowing your true parents would always be a strange and alien concept.
"Appa's was born there, too," Aang added.
"So apparently all my favorite airbenders were born there."
Aang laughed at her joke. He then said, "You know, before I ran away, I heard the elder monks say they were going to take me there to continue my Avatar training. I wonder how things would have turned out if they had. Maybe I would have learned the Avatar State right away?"
"Who knows?" she responded. "You're not going to start wondering about other timelines again, are you?" She smiled at him.
. . .
"Do we have to go now?" Toph groaned as Sokka dragged her to Appa's stable. Momo was with them, too.
"Yes."
"But..."
"It's not raining today. You have no excuse!"
"It's not raining, but everything's still so muddy though, we should just go tomorrow."
"No. Space sword, now!"
They reached Appa and climbed aboard. Toph sat at the front of the saddle with Momo while Sokka took the reins. In an instant, they were off and flying over the city. "Okay, so my sword should be at the wreckage furthest to the north. That was the first airship we brought down."
"Uh-huh."
After flying for a while, they had cleared the city and were past the second downed airship. Up ahead, Sokka could see the wreckage of the first airship. Of the three, this one in particular had sustained a great deal of damage, since it had exploded right after it crashed, presumably from the payload of bombs in the cargo bay detonating. Metal pieces were scattered over a great distance, and the main wreckage looked like the carcass of a great metal beast that had been split open.
"Hey, Toph?" Sokka said, with a rare tone of sincerity. "I just wanna say thanks for coming with me to help me find my sword. That sword means a lot to me, ya know? You, Katara, and Aang are just so amazing, and without my sword, I feel like… I don't know, just a normal guy, I guess."
"Flying hog monkeys, again with this?" Toph said in response.
Sokka looked confused. "Huh?"
"Are you whining, again, about not being a bender? We resolved this months ago already! Remember? It was the whole reason you met with Piandao!"
"Yeah, I know, but—"
"Look. Yes, you're not a bender. You're a 'normal guy.' But you're the best 'normal guy' in the world. That's why you're on our team! Think about it, our team includes Katara, who's probably the greatest waterbender in the world. Me, who's definitely the greatest earthbender in the world. And Aang, the friggin' Avatar! So stop being such a whiny baby, and just accept that you're special too, with or without your sword."
Sokka looked at her. She wasn't looking in his direction, of course, but he smiled at her. "Thank you, Toph."
A short moment later they reached the airship wreckage and Sokka guided Appa down for a landing.
"Alright, crew!" Sokka said, talking to Momo and Toph. "There's a lot of wreckage here. It could take us hours to find my space sword. Fortunately, I've come up with a plan to organize the wreckage zone into a grid system where we'll each be assigned a range. I'll start with A-1 through J-12, Momo, you take M-39 through Z-5, Toph—"
"It's over there."
"Come again?"
"Your space sword. It's over there." She pointed in a direction. Sokka walked maybe twenty feet and found it just laying on the ground.
"Space sword!" He yelled out and held it victoriously over his head. He then carefully looked it over from every angle. "The hilt got a little singed. It's going to need some new leather. But otherwise, it's perfect!"
"Good. Don't lose it again!" Despite her tough-girl façade, she really was glad to see him so happy, even if it meant her feet were covered in mud now.
"Sokka," Toph suddenly whispered. "You see that boulder up that hill?"
"Yeah?"
"I can feel someone's hiding behind it."
"I'll get 'em… with my trusty boom-er-ang!"
"Boy, I sure am glad I found my sword!" Sokka announced loudly as he slowly grabbed his boomerang and began to aim to hit behind the rock. "I guess we got what we came for, and we can go now!"
"What are you doing?" Toph angrily whispered. "You're making it too obvious that we're onto them!"
Sokka ignored her and continued. "You ready to leave? I am! Because there's no reason for us to be here anymore! So let's just get back on Appa and—"
Sokka quickly threw his boomerang and it went flying towards the rock. Just before it reached its target, a woman in a Fire Nation uniform jumped from behind the rock, dodged the boomerang, and slid down the hill. She let out a sharp whistle.
"I missed!" Sokka yelled.
"You dunderhead, you made it too obvious!" Toph replied and stomped at the ground, earthbending a rock wall in front of the person, but they effortlessly jumped over it and landed on a mongoose lizard that had come running in response to her whistle. Toph stomped at the ground some more, creating new walls and platforms as obstacles, but the lizard was too agile and managed to dodge and jump over all of them.
The woman and lizard were getting away, but Sokka's boomerang had returned by now and he sent it flying again. At the same time, Toph pushed a platform under the lizard which sent it upwards and the boomerang managed to hit the woman, knocking her off. She dropped something but quickly scampered back onto the lizard and they took off, beyond the reach of Toph's earthbending. She hurled a few boulders in their direction but it was hopeless.
"Ugh, they're gone!" Toph said. "Who was that?"
"I don't know, probably just some random Fire Nation goon. I think they dropped something." The two of them walked in the direction of the thing they saw get left behind.
"It's a bag!" Sokka said happily and picked it up. "And a nice one, too!"
"What's with you and bags? You like purses more than girls do."
"First of all, that's sexist; don't be sexist. Secondly, it's not a purse, it's a stylish messenger bag!" Sokka opened it and began to look through the contents. There were various scrolls with intelligence reports inside. "I think that person was some kind of messenger, or maybe a spy."
One of the scrolls caught Sokka's eye and he opened it. His jaw dropped as he read it. "I can't believe what I'm seeing!"
"Me neither."
"According to this, the Firelord sent orders back to the Fire Nation to transfer the prisoners from the eclipse invasion here. They'll arrive in a couple of days! We can save my dad and the others!"
. . .
Aang and Katara finally reached the Eastern Air Temple and brought the war balloon down for a landing. The temple was spread out amongst three separate rocky peaks, interconnected by bridges. They parked the balloon at the base of the central peak, departed, and began to explore the temple to look for the guru.
As they approached one of the large, open balconies of the temple they saw a man sitting down, meditating, facing the opposite direction from where they approached.
"Is that the guru?" Katara whispered to Aang.
"Yeah, that's him."
"Should we interrupt him? He looks like he's meditating."
"I'm not sure."
"Hello again, Aang," the guru said, startling both of them.
"Oh, hello Guru Pathik," Aang said.
"I'm so glad you're back, but I hardly recognized you until I heard your voice. Your energy is a lot different than it used to be." Pathik stood up and turned around. He smiled warmly and greeted them with a bow
Aang didn't say anything, he just looked ashamed. Pathik continued. "But we can discuss that later. Who is your friend?"
"This is Katara," Aang replied.
"Ah, yes. It's very nice to meet you, Katara."
"Thank you, Guru," Katara said and bowed.
"So, Aang, why are you back? Are you interested in continuing your Avatar training?"
"Something like that. I need your help. So much has happened since I last saw you. Things are really bad out there."
"Yes. I have felt it. The world is in much disarray. Just as you are, young Avatar. I can feel there is a great fog within you, suffocating your inner light. I sense great hardships have befallen you."
"You don't know the half of it."
"Aang got hurt really badly a few months ago," Katara explained. "We almost lost him. We've come to you because he can't enter the Avatar State anymore."
"I see."
"You did lose me, though" Aang said. "I actually died, while in the Avatar State. I'm only here because Katara's a healer and was able to bring me back, but I'm afraid that the Avatar State might be gone forever."
"Wait, gone forever? Why would it be?" Katara asked.
"I never told you this, but a long time ago Avatar Roku told me that if I were ever killed while in the Avatar State, it would be gone forever."
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I never mentioned it. I guess I've just been… embarrassed. And it's just so confusing. I died, but you did bring me back, so maybe it's not gone? I don't even know."
"You don't ever have to be embarrassed with me, Aang."
As Pathik observed them talking, he could sense the great love there was between the two of them and he understood how it had been so hard for Aang to let go of her.
"Come this way, please," Pathik said and guided them to a nearby room. It was his home. A humble place filled with few possessions; just a few pieces of wooden furniture. He didn't even have a real bed, just a blanket on the floor. The only item that looked like it had any value was a small grey and gold pot up on a shelf.
Pathik walked over to a table in a corner, which was effectively his entire kitchen, and grabbed a couple of wooden bowls. He mashed some ingredients with a mortar and pestle, poured the contents into the bowls, and walked back. He handed one to Aang.
Katara was immediately intrigued. "Is that some kind of medicine to help restore his Avatar State?" She asked.
"Nope, it's lunch," Pathik replied with a jovial chuckle. He handed a bowl to her, too.
"Hey, I remember this!" Aang said. "It's funny, I had a craving for it just the other day."
Katara tasted it and immediately started to gag. "Gah! What is this?"
"Onions and banana juice," Aang answered. "I wasn't too crazy about it either at first, but it grows on you."
She placed the bowl down and said, "Uh, thank you for the lunch, Guru, but I'm not hungry right now."
I'm starving! Why has all my food been so terrible today?!
"Do you think the Avatar State can be restored?" Aang asked, already finishing his bowl.
"Of course. Everything broken can be fixed."
"Great, when can we get started?"
"Right now, if you'd like."
"I'm ready."
"Splendid." Pathik turned to Katara and said, "Miss Katara, would you mind giving Aang some privacy while I help him, please?"
"Uh, sure. Maybe I'll go explore the temple, if that's alright." And find some real food…
"By all means. This temple is a very spiritual and beautiful place. Please enjoy it."
"I'll see you later, Aang," she hesitated briefly but gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before exiting. She immediately regretted doing it. Why did I do that? I'm going to seem like a crazy person after our whole conversation last night. Like I can't make up my mind.
Aang blushed as she walked out and left.
"I can see why you struggled so much to let her go," Pathik said.
"I love her so much," Aang said. "But I'm still not sure how she feels. I told her how I feel about her, but she doesn't want to be together yet."
"I can feel a lot of love in her for you too. But it is being suffocated by fear. I sense she has experienced great loss before."
Aang sighed. "Yeah, she has. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I forget that."
Pathik smiled at him. "Frustration can be a big struggle, but you'd be surprised how many of our struggles come entirely from within ourselves."
"Thank you, Guru. Hey, you're pretty good at this. Got any more girl advice for me?" Aang asked in a half-joking manner.
Pathik chuckled and said, "I'm afraid not. I've been celibate for over a hundred years."
"Wow, over a hundred years!" Aang paused for a few seconds then asked, "What does celibate mean?"
"Um… I'll tell you when you're a little older. Now, come this way, we have much to discuss." The two of them walked out into the temple courtyard and sat down.
"Explain to me everything that has happened," Pathik said.
"Well, it all happened right after I left here. I went and saved Katara, but then we got into a big battle and were outnumbered. I realized the Avatar State was our only chance. So, even though she was in trouble and surrounded by enemies, I finally managed to let her go. I sealed myself off, meditated, and it worked! I opened my seventh chakra. And I entered the Avatar State on my own."
"Very good."
"But it was my first time in full control of the Avatar State. I let my guard down, and a firebender hit me with lightning; I went down. Katara was able to save me and bring me back. I feel so stupid for leaving my training with you so early. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have been so unprepared, and none of that would have happened."
Pathik sighed. "Do not blame yourself. It was my failure."
"What do you mean?"
"I feel I did a poor job explaining the opening of the last chakra. Katara clearly meant a great deal to you, and I led you to believe you had to choose between her and the Avatar state."
"You mean I didn't?"
"It is complicated. Allow me to explain. Most of the past Avatars—your own past lives—have had attachments. They married the ones they loved and had families with them. So you see, Avatars can have loved ones and attachments. Truly letting go of all attachment is something very, very few people in history have managed to achieve. What's important is to be able to recognize your attachments and be willing to release them when necessary; just as you managed to do in the battle you described. You were willing to let her go, for the greater good. That is all that was truly needed to unblock your last chakra."
"So I can unlock the Avatar state without actually letting go of Katara?" Aang asked with a big smile.
"Yes, kind of. As long as you remember that she is an attachment to you, and attachments are anchors that weigh down your spirituality. And you must always be willing to let go of these anchors if the need arises."
"That's good to know because it just seems impossible to actually let go of all attachments."
"It is a goal to strive towards. Even unattainable goals are valuable and worth pursuing. I struggle with it, too. But let me tell you something, Aang. It is not impossible. It has been accomplished before. Have you ever heard of the great airbender, Guru Laghima? He was the last known person to free himself of all earthly tethers, and by doing so, he achieved the ability to fly. Not by gliding like other airbenders, but through true weightlessness."
"Wow. He was actually able to fly without a glider? That sounds amazing! But… I'd still choose Katara."
Pathik responded with a small chuckle. Part of him felt disappointed for Aang to be so dismissive of the deeper spirituality allowed by freeing oneself of attachments, but he knew there were limits to what could be asked of such a young person. Perhaps, in the future, Aang would understand.
"Now, let's figure out why you can't enter the Avatar State. May I see your wound?" He asked.
"Sure." Aang took off his shirt and turned around so that Pathik could see the large scar in the middle of his back.
"Oh, dear. This must have been so painful."
"Yeah. Not fun."
"May I place my hand on your scar?"
"Go ahead."
Pathik gently placed his hand on Aang's back. He closed his eyes and concentrated on sensing Aang's energy. With his inner eye, he could see millions of branching tendrils of chi energy flowing through Aang's body. They ranged all possible colors, each corresponding to a different emotion. Pathik could see a physical blockage of energy in the middle of Aang's back, right where the wound was. But, he saw something else: there was another blockage elsewhere in Aang's body, and it was not tied to any physical injury. It was the source of the internal turmoil Aang now had within him.
"What else has happened, Aang?" Pathik asked.
"What do you mean?"
"There is more here than just this wound. Something else terrible has happened to you, hasn't it?"
Aang sighed. "About a month ago, the Fire Nation destroyed a lot of the Earth Kingdom. I took it really hard. And then I… ended up killing someone. I took that really hard, too."
"I see."
"I haven't been the same ever since that day. I just feel like I've failed so much, you know? Some days I just feel so sad. And some days, I don't feel anything at all. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"You are burdened with regret."
"Yeah, that's why I need to get the Avatar State back. I need it to stop the Fire Nation and fix things. Can you help me?"
"Yes. And no."
"What do you mean?"
"Let me explain. Right now, you have two chakras that are blocked. The first one is your earth chakra. This energy needs to flow from the base of your spine up to your crown, but it is now physically blocked by your injury. This is easy to fix. Lie down on your stomach, and I can fix it for you."
Aang did as told while Pathik walked away. He came back with a rock.
"This will be painful. I am sorry."
"I'm ready."
Pathik placed a sharp point of the rock right over Aang's scar and identified the exact place where the energy was blocked. He then struck the rock hard against Aang's back. Aang let out a scream of pain and rolled over. After a few minutes of recovering, Aang slowly stood back up.
"Monkey feathers!" Aang groaned and rubbed the middle of his back. "Monkey feathers on top of monkey feathers."
"I know that hurt, but your earth chakra is now unblocked. Simple, huh?"
"I think I feel that cosmic energy flowing better already. This is great. So what's the other blocked chakra?"
"After the events you described, you became burdened by regret, and that regret is fueled by guilt. Guilt blocks the water chakra, and yours is completely blocked. This blockage is now the only thing keeping you from the Avatar State."
"So… how do I unblock it?" Aang asked nervously. He didn't like where this was going.
"Unlike your earth chakra, this is not tied to any physical injury. You need to find a way to let go of that regret.."
Aang dropped to the ground, instantly defeated. He sat, holding his head in his hands. "I can't do it."
"You must find a way, Aang. You have done it before."
"That was different!" Aang said. "I can't do it again. I failed too many times now. The air nomads were wiped out because I ran away. The Earth Kingdom's been destroyed because I failed. Millions of people have died because of me!"
Pathik sat in front of Aang and placed his hand on his shoulder. Aang looked up and saw his ancient, wrinkled eyes. They looked at him warmly and Aang felt comforted.
"Avatars are granted great power, but they are not all-powerful. You have never been able to control all events in the world, and you never will. Just as all peoples are allowed to make mistakes, the world, too, must be allowed to make mistakes. And so should you."
"I wish I knew what to do. I just feel… broken."
"I'd like to show you something. Stay here." Pathik walked away, towards his home. A short moment later he returned with something in his hands. It was a beautiful grey pot surrounded by golden cracks. He handed it to Aang and Aang looked at it.
"What is this?," Aang said. He ran a finger over one of the gold-inlaid cracks as it branched around the pot. It became clear that it had at one point been shattered, but had been repaired. Gold was used to glue all the pieces back together.
"A very long time ago, a man came by this temple. He was from the Fire Nation. He told me he had spent his life traveling to each of the four air temples, hoping to find his childhood friend. He knew it was hopeless; all the Air Nomads had been wiped out, but it was still something he felt he had to try. Anyway, he stayed here for a few days and we became friends. Before he left he gave me this pot as a gift.
"He explained to me that in parts of the Fire Nation, there is a tradition of repairing broken pottery with precious metals, such as gold or silver. What you end up with are these beautiful scars on the pot. They make the original piece more beautiful than it originally was. And you know what? They make it stronger, too.
"I know you have suffered a great deal. You feel broken; shattered. You have scars now, both on the inside and the outside. But scars can make you stronger and more beautiful.
"I urge you, stay here for a few days. This is a spiritual place. Meditate. Find a way to embrace your scars—and your mistakes—and accept them. Release your guilt and be free of your regret."
Pathik's words did help, but Aang was still deeply troubled. His friends and mentors had all given him advice on dealing with his regret. Katara had told him what happened wasn't his fault. Kelzang had explained to him the folly of regret. Iroh had suggested that regret can be a tool to make us into better people. And now Pathik was telling him to embrace his mistakes and release his guilt.
All this advice made sense to Aang, but none of it was clicking. Some final piece of the puzzle was still missing, and until he found it, the Avatar State would be beyond his reach.
. . .
* There wasn't any place to put it in the chapter, but as soon as Katara left Pathik and Aang, she went to the war balloon to get food.
* Fixing broken pottery with precious metals is called Kintsugi.