Chapter 11: A Magic CARP-et Ride

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The moment Izaya steps outside, he's instantly hit with the cool air. If he thought it was cold outside before, it sure as hell had gotten colder in the two hours since he'd actually stumbled across Shizuo. Couple that with the stuffy, hot air inside that had him sweating, and it really is no wonder that the chilly winter has him shivering. He instantly zips up his coat up to his neck and starts walking. His first instinct is to take a more secluded route back home, if only for the sole reason that he is still with Shizuo, who will undoubtedly follow him home, and he doesn't want to risk getting caught being friendly with him. He doesn't want people to get the wrong idea and would rather not take any chances, even if Shizuo's bartender uniform is concealed by his coat and his flashy blond hair under a Santa hat.

Then he feels a tugging on his hood again and all he can think is: No, no, oh hell to the no, not again!

"Seriously?" he hisses out, turning his head to Shizuo. Shizuo, in turn, spins him around to face him.

"Where do you think you're hopping off to, damn flea?" he spits out. Izaya puffs his cheeks and pouts like a little kid.

"Where do you think? I said I would go home after eating so I'm going home," he huffs. Shizuo lets go of his hood and Izaya crosses his arms over his chest, irritated over the fact that no matter what he seemed to do, Shizuo would never be satisfied with his actions.

"Around some shady alleyways? I don't think so. I'm taking you back myself," Shizuo replies in a gruff voice. Izaya rolls his eyes. By now, it was becoming a recurring habit of his whenever he was around Shizuo. Any moment now and he would pull an eye muscle or something.

"Do you even know the way? And are you seriously going to make me walk all the way back to Shinjuku?" Izaya inquires and Shizuo nods his head.

"Obviously, since I've been to your apartment. I know where you live, flea, and I'm going to keep my eye on you the whole way to make sure you're not taking any unexpected detours," Shizuo explains. Of course, Izaya knows that. Shizuo has paid him a few unexpected visits here and there throughout the years. Even so, it had been to only one of his apartments. As far as he's concerned, the other two are safe.

"Oh, and how are you going to do that, Shizu-chan? How are you going to keep an eye on me? You surely must know that I refuse to be dragged around like a rag doll, so what will you do? Going to hold my hand? Are you going to pretend we're a couple as well to blend in with the crowd?" Izaya quips sarcastically. He wonders what Shizuo's reaction would be, considering the fact that if Izaya was in Shizuo's place, he'd surely be disgusted. Holding hands with his worst enemy: surely if there was anyone Shizuo would want to hold hands with, it would be his stupid, precious girlfriend of his (which Izaya is still flip-flopping between believing that Shizuo had actually managed to get into a relationship and at the same time adamantly denying the validity of said relationship). He expects the usual reaction: rage, repugnance, hate. But instead of looking shocked, or disgusted, or just flat out laughing at the ridiculous notion, Shizuo is lost in thought for once, actually contemplating it.

Without warning, Shizuo reaches over and grabs Izaya's hand. Izaya's breath hitches in his throat, his eyes growing wide as he stares at Shizuo's fingers entwined with his.

"You're fucking kidding me…I wasn't serious!" Izaya chokes out, though by now it's too late. His heart is thumping in his chest and he can't fully come to terms with the fact that even though he shouldn't be feeling anything, he definitely feels something. That same pleasant tingle of electricity dancing across his skin. Shizuo's hands are soft, yet somewhat rough in their own regard. Figures, since he's always getting into fights and throwing things. It's only natural for him to have developed a thicker layer of skin, like the monster he is.

"Next time maybe you should make it clearer what you want," Shizuo grumbles his reply, how voice holding a subtle hint of mischief. Just what in the hell is he thinking? Izaya can never tell, and it annoys him beyond belief. Of course, Izaya isn't going to let himself be dragged around. Much less, in such an embarrassing way. Naturally, he begins resisting by tugging his hand back.

"Sure, sure, joke's over now," he says, but Shizuo doesn't ease up. Instead, his grip tightens until he's squeezing Izaya's fingers together.

"Come Shizu-chan, let go you big idiot," he continues to protest, desperately trying to free his hand from Shizuo's iron grip, which keeps getting tighter and tighter. Izaya can feel the pain start to resonate throughout his hand. It hurts. He feels as if any moment now, and Shizuo very well may just end up crushing his bones. He gasps, but fails at hiding the true extent of his injury.

"Ow, ow, seriously Shizu-chan, it hurts! You're squeezing my hand too tightly," he whines, and Shizuo eases up just a little. Just a little, but his grip still remains.

"What's wrong, I-za-ya-kun? It was your idea in the first place. And being the asshole that you are, you'd never admit that one of your ideas was bad," Shizuo teases, yes actually teases. Truly, this day is one oddity after another. What's next? A romantic walk through the park?

"You're too cruel. Seriously. After everything I've done for you, this is how you repay me? I bought you a present, I bought you food. I was even willing to call a truce but here you are, acting as vicious as ever," he complains. Though instead of being annoyed by Izaya's comments, Shizuo seems more amused than anything by his pouting expression. What the fuck. Izaya swears he can even see Shizuo's lip twitch upwards into a half smile. It's weird. It's not normal. And it's almost… nice.

Shizuo ends up tugging him along, taking a relatively secluded route with less people but at the same time making sure to keep out of completely deserted areas. It's a smart choice. If there are no crowds, Izaya won't be able to run off and blend into them, and Shizuo would have a hard time trying not to hurt all the innocent bystanders. At the same time though, it's Shizuo. Who knows what that man is capable of?

Somewhere along the line, Shizuo's grip on Izaya's hand changes from simply holding his palm to actually interlocking their fingers together. And suddenly Izaya becomes all too aware of the way Shizuo's thumb brushes against his index finger, as if he was subconsciously trying to be affectionate. His mind keeps flipping back to focusing on the same sensation. Shizuo's hand is really, really warm. Abnormally so, like a miniature radiator. It's fitting, considering he is a monster after all, but what doesn't make sense is Izaya finding that sensation to be far better than even the warmest pair of winter gloves.

It's not just his hand. It feels almost as if the sensation is radiating up to his face, making his cheeks flushed, and his chest, making it feel tight. For once, Izaya wishes he could take back what he'd said to Shizuo. Even if he is a pompous asshole, he can still admit when he'd made a mistake, and suggesting they hold hands had been the most horrendous mistake of all.

Then all too suddenly, Shizuo stops, forcing Izaya to collide with the hard muscles of his back. The sensation is akin to walking head first into a brick wall, and Izaya's nose, which had become rather sensitive because of the cold, suffers the brunt of the force. He takes a step back and rubs his aching nose.

"Next time you decide to stop in the middle of nowhere for no apparent reason, a little warning would be greatly appreciated," he mumbles, somewhat nasally as he continues to soothe his nose. Shizuo doesn't respond, leaving Izaya to feel slightly perplexed. His first assumption would be that they have arrived at Izaya's house, but one look at the dingy streets around them proves that they are, in fact, nowhere near Izaya's luxurious apartment.

Izaya's quick witted second speculation is that Shizuo had seen his little lady friend or someone he'd hate to have catching him holding hands with his mortal enemy. That suspicion is also proven false as Izaya fails to spot, well, anyone at all in their general vicinity except for a few boring, faceless strangers minding their own business.

"… Never mind, forget it," Shizuo says and shifts his attention back to the pavement. The action just makes Izaya even more curious. He looks in the direction Shizuo had been looking previously and raises a curious eyebrow. In that direction, the pavement branches off slightly and leads into a small park. He knows of it, but has never actually been inside. There doesn't appear to be anyone standing there, but even with the street lights illuminating the entrance, it's too dark to see past the thickets of trees and tell for certain.

For a fleeting moment, Izaya thinks that maybe it had been Shizuo's intention to walk through the park. Fleeting only, since following Shizuo's logic of not letting Izaya into empty, dark spaces would mean Shizuo would want to keep away from such areas like the park, where Izaya would be far too easy to lose. He's probably constantly thinking and wondering if Izaya is off scheming up ways to escape his grip, even though Izaya is doing no such thing. If he wanted to escape by now, he surely would have. Which begs the question: why had Shizuo stopped in the first place? Why had he been looking at the park?

"Hey…Shizu-chan…let's walk through the park," Izaya ends up saying quietly. And maybe Izaya is foolish for having said it. Maybe he'd only said it because his cheeks are burning with such intense redness that he just wants to get out of the spot light of the street lights, or maybe he just wants a distraction from the warmth radiating off of Shizuo's hand. Whatever it is, Izaya convinces himself that it's not because it would be, God forbid, nice to walk through the park with Shizuo.

And it really is too bad that Shizuo still finds ways to be difficult.

"No way. You're just going to run off again."

Then why were you looking that way, Shizu-chan? What is the reason for anything you do?

In all this time, Izaya had not once tried to escape, and that's the honest truth. Surely, Shizuo's suspicions should be at least somewhat put to rest. But realistically, it's not like Izaya ever expected much from a person he deems as being a single celled organism with half a functioning brain cell. On the other hand, given their extensive history with each other, it's no wonder Shizuo has to little faith in Izaya which makes Izaya feel almost… sad? Hurt? For what reason? That's the way Izaya wants it to be, the way he likes it. Of course, Shizuo's lack of trust and refusal to walk through the park only makes Izaya want to go in even more.

"H-hey, Shizu..o. I won't. I just want to walk through the park," Izaya explains calmly. He ends up using Shizuo's actual name instead of his usual nick name to further emphasize his innocence. He even goes as far as to give Shizuo's hand a small squeeze. Shizuo examines his face for any signs of deviousness with that usual irritated scowl he wears whenever there's a matter concerning Izaya, while Izaya finds himself curiously watching Shizuo's facial expressions shift from anger to ? what is that expression? Recognition? Acceptance? Acknowledgement?

"…O…Okay…" Shizuo concedes.

Izaya's heart rate accelerates once again. A moment like this surely must be a dream, an illusion, a deviation from reality. Shizuo actually agreeing to something Izaya had proposed without any questions? No talk backs? No protests? No further comments about Izaya doing something dubious? No threats? Just Shizuo agreeing to one of Izaya's whims. Without noticing, Izaya cracks a small smile. A genuine one that startles not only Shizuo, but himself. He quickly drops the smile and presses his lips into a thin line before beginning to tug at Shizuo's hand, pulling him to the park.

And Shizuo follows.

The entrance to the park is indeed very dim, but more lights begin to appear venturing deeper past the dense forestry. Little Christmas ornaments draped over the trees and nearby bushes illuminate the way, but their glow is barely enough to provide enough light to the entire park; but it's just enough for path ahead. Izaya squints his eyes so he can see further into the distance, and once he gets closer, he notices a small clearing just up ahead.

While Shizuo is distracted by the twinkling lights around them, Izaya seamlessly slips his hand away and starts to jog ahead of him, disappearing into the cluster of tall trees. He's somewhat aware of Shizuo starting to bolt after him, but at the same time he's a little too mesmerized to care or think about the reason for Shizuo's panicked run. He stops only when he reaches the clearing, and Shizuo stops behind him.

In front of them is a large pond, surrounded by little bushes and greenery lining all the way around the outskirts. The only place absent of lush forestry is where the path cuts through the middle of the pond onto a small white bridge with strips of bright lights coiled around the red, wooden railing. Izaya skips closer to the pond with a newfound childish giddiness. He crouches down so he can get a better look. There is a thin layer of ice covering the top of the pond, but underneath there is an array of beautiful, red koi swimming idly in one large cluster.

"Eh, look, look Shizu-chan, it's a koi pond," he exclaims, his voice a little high pitched and full of wonder. Shizuo walks up behind him, hands in his pockets and staring at him intently while Izaya's gaze skips from fish to fish.

"Don't you hate fish, or their eyes or something?" Shizuo asks. Izaya briefly turns his head to look at him, his eyebrow quirked questioningly at him. Izaya sticks out his tongue playfully.

"Only if they're dead, Shizu-chan. Do these fish look dead to you?" He asks as he curiously picks up a nearby twig and starts prodding at the surface of the ice.

"No," Shiuzo states flatly and narrows his eyes slightly.

"And don't bother the fish, flea," he adds, scolding him. His tone isn't too threatening though, so Izaya doesn't take him seriously in the slightest and continues to poke the ice with his stick. To his pleasant surprise, a koi swims up to where he's tapping and starts opening and closing its little mouth, as if searching for food.

"I'm not, this one totally likes me," Izaya giggles and Shizuo steps closer before crouching down beside him. The koi itself is a magnificent a rarity, with its iridescent yellow and black scales being a sharp contrast to the red and black of the other koi. It's also the only one most entranced by the rapping of the stick. Poor thing must think it's some sort of food or something.

"Kind of reminds me of you, actually," Izaya muses, and Shizuo shoots him a curious glance, as if asking him 'why' with his eyes.

"How?" he mutters. In that moment, the koi butts is head against the ice, as if trying to break through. Izaya struggles to keep himself from bursting out in laughter. In his mind, the koi really is akin to Shizuo since they both seem to have a tiny brain incapable of thinking logically. It truly is a wonder how many animals Izaya can even compare Shizuo to, because at the end of the day, that's what he is: a stupid, mindless animal.

"Well it's yellow, monstrous in size, and doesn't fit in with the other fish, just like the monstrous Shizu-chan."

Izaya quickly pulls the stick away as the koi breaks through the thick layer of ice and shoots straight up, sliding across the ice. The fish thrashes around wildly, probably trying to break another hole so it can slip back in, even though the initial hole is only a few centimeters away from.

"Haha, how silly. Look, the fish really is like you: abnormally strong and really, really stupid. Look at it flail around haha. Hey Shizu-chan, maybe you should save it and adopt it, ey?" Izaya giggles, the sound of his laughter mixing in with the low growl coming from the bottom of Shizuo's throat.

"Now wouldn't that be something, ne? Though knowing you, you'd probably just end up killing it. Maybe we should adopt it together, lol, at least that way it will have some chance at survival" he teases.

In the next moment, Shizuo abruptly jolts up to his feet and slides his arms under Izaya's armpits. He effortlessly lifts him up off his feet and dangles a him few inches off the ground. Startled, Izaya squeals and cranes his neck to try and get a look at Shizuo as he swings his feet around, trying to touch ground with his shoes. Shizuo takes a few steps closer to the pond and holds Izaya over the frozen waters, forcing Izaya to stop his efforts in achieving freedom. He goes limp in Shizuo's arms as to not accidentally fall in the water.

"S-Shizu-chan, come on, it was a joke. You're not actually going to drop me, are you?" Izaya stutters, shifting his focus to desperately clinging onto Shizuo's arms with all his might.

"Say, Izaya-kun, why don't we find out who is better at flailing on the ice. The carp, or you," Shizuo hisses, his voice low and threatening yet at the same time, coming off somewhat playful. Izaya lets out a small, high pitched shriek.

"Y-you can't. Seriously. I'm sensitive to the cold! I'll get hypothermia! I-I can't even swim. If you drop me, I'll drown for sure! Y-you'll have to give me CPR! Help me get warm, otherwise I'll die," Izaya stutters out in a panic.

"You know, everything you said just makes this all the more tempting," Shizuo retorts and gives Izaya a little shake, his grip loosening a little. Izaya lets out another little squeal and clutches the sleeves of Shizuo's coat. The implication of Shizuo's words barely crosses his mind as he focuses on keeping Shizuo from trying to drop him.

"Y-you can't be serious," Izaya fumbles. Then with a little 'plop', the koi slips back into the hole in the ice while flicking its tail, sending water splashing up just high enough to reach the soles of Izaya's shoes. Izaya lets out a sigh of relief.

"Ah, well, can't compare it now since the koi is back in the water. Farewell, my Shizu-koi*. You will be missed," he murmurs with exaggerated mourning over his precious, lost fish. And then, he freezes.

Error.

Error.

Izaya. exe has stopped working.

He feels Shizuo's body tense slightly, with his hands gripping him tighter than before, yet the pain he feels from Shizuo's fingers digging into his sides pales in comparison to the embarrassment he feels on the inside. His cheeks start to burn fervently. No, no, no, no. It had been purely accidental. A coincidence. A mistake. He hadn't meant it to come out that way. Even if so, there is no way Shizuo had interpreted it that way, is there? Is there? Because… Just the mere thought is enough to send Izaya's skin crawling. As if Izaya would ever use the words 'love' and 'Shizuo' in the same sentence, unless it was how he 'loved to hate' him. And yet…he'd done it, so plainly and blatantly and most definitely unintentionally, even using a possessive pronoun, to make matters worse, as if Shizuo truly was his.

"What the hell did you just say?" Shizuo asks through gritted teeth, his voice lightly trembling as he pulls Izaya away from the pond and sets him back down on the ground. Izaya has no idea about what kind of expression Shizuo could be making now because he simply refuses to turn around to face him. He doesn't want to, by any means. Or more likely, he simply can't bring himself to do it, because if he were to turn and face Shizuo it would only expose his own embarrassment at his slight mishap, and that's something he definitely wanted to avoid showing to Shizuo.

The other reason is because he can already envision the type of look on Shizuo's face. The furrowed brows, the crinkled nose, the deep scowl. It's disgustingly obvious: repugnance. Revulsion, distaste, abhorrence. It's the only thing that makes sense. He can't come to face that, he thinks. Normally, he'd be overjoyed at seeing Shizuo be put off by him, if he was intentionally trying to annoy him. This time, it's different. It's different because Izaya's cheeks are red and flushed and because there are butterflies fluttering in his stomach, making him feel a little sick.

Sick, because deep down in the depths of his dark, black, rotting heart, there's a sliver of hope; he hopes that Shizuo's expression is actually not of absolute disgust, but rather akin to that same softness he'd displayed here and there throughout their time together. He hopes, a fleeting daydream, an illusion shattered the moment he would turn around. That's why he absolutely refuses to turn. If it is indeed disgust, Izaya doesn't think that in this moment, right now, he could bear to see it.

And if it isn't. If what Izaya's shriveled heart hopes for…well, deep down, he knows if he were to see that certain fondness, he won't be able to call Shizuo a monster anymore. At least, just for one day. Just for today. So, he keeps his feet planted firmly in the gravel and doesn't dare look, instead pretending to be oblivious.

"I said goodbye to the fish. Duh? The fish. Or perhaps is it actually Shizu-chan who is like a fish and can't remember things for more than seven seconds?" Izaya questions, this time being careful to specify the word 'fish' instead of 'koi. He can practically feel Shizuo's gaze on the back of his neck, drilling in through his skin as if to bore into the very depths of his soul. It makes him feel exposed, vulnerable even. Moreover, panicked. His first instinct is to get as far away from those honey brown eyes as possible. So, he does. Without so much as a warning, Izaya breaks off into a sprint and leaps straight ahead towards the bridge overlooking the pond. Shizuo, still slightly dazed, quickly comes to and bounds after him.

"Oi, Izaya!" he exclaims, running after him. Izaya arrives at the very center of the bridge and falters for a moment, allowing Shizuo to catch up. As soon as he's close enough, he grabs a hold of Izaya's wrist and tugs sharply, forcing Izaya to stop dead in his tracks and come spinning around to crash into Shizuo's chest. Izaya's breath hitches from both having the air knocked out of his lungs and the sheer shock coming from the sudden warmth radiating off Shizuo's chest. He quickly pulls himself away and turns his head away.

"Relax Shizu-chan, I just wanted to get a better look at the… fish," Izaya lies. Having realized Izaya isn't going to run anymore, Shizuo loosens his grip on Izaya's wrist and drops it completely, the tension slowly dissipating from his shoulders. Izaya still doesn't want to face him though, and instead turns his body and walks up to the blocky railing of the bridge. He rests his palms against the red wood and stares out ahead at the frozen pond, his eyes somewhat glazed over. The wood under his fingertips is cold but he doesn't remove his hands. He feels that now, he needs the cold as some sort of a shock factor to bring him back to reality. A harsh reality check, or a distraction from his own internal turmoil. A mixture of discomfort and unease writhes and seethes in the pit of his stomach and his head starts to ache from two opposing sides in constant discord arguing inside his head. His eyes are set on the koi lazily swimming under the ice, but his mind is somewhere else entirely.

It's not so bad, is it? Getting along with Shizuo and all…spending time together during the holidays. The company is nice, isn't it? You were so miserable and lonely, sitting by yourself in that empty apartment, weren't you? At least now you have someone to keep you company.

No, that's absurd. I've never once felt lonely with so many interesting humans to keep me entertained. Watching people is all I need in my life. Manipulating them, playing with them. All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players… and I love watching them. With such a broad spectacle, how could I ever feel bored or alone? Today, I just happened to bump into Shizu-chan, and it's not my fault Shizu-chan had decided to, as he put it, 'kindly escort me home'.

Or maybe there's another reason he stuck around for so long. Not even your own sisters wanted to spend Christmas with you, yet the one person who supposedly hates you with his entire being just happened to stick around.

That's ridiculous. It was my choice just as much as it was theirs. Who am I to intrude if they already have plans? Besides, Christmas isn't even that important of a holiday. It's absolutely meaningless and nonsensical.

Sure, sure. So you don't feel happy that someone decided to spend their time with you? Not even a little? Shizuo isn't even that bad to be around with, is he? When he's not actively trying to kill you, that is.

No, Shizu-chan is awful. I hate him. I absolutely loathe him. No matter what, I will always, always hate him. He always gets in my way and never does anything I want him to. He's a wild animal, a beast. A monster. He can't be controlled.

Isn't that what makes him so much more interesting and entertaining in the first place? Because you never know what he's going to do. He's a walking mystery, completely unpredictable. Isn't that exciting? Even today, he agreed to stop fighting you.

Absolutely not. It's not exciting. And above all else, Shizu-chan still hates me. Even if for once day we're able to get along, at the end of the day, we will revert back to our old ways. No matter what I do, he will always hate me. Even if we'd met under different circumstances, even if we weren't linked with this accursed bond…Heiwajima Shizuo would always, always hate me, the one and only Orihara Izaya. That's just the way things are, and are meant to be.

Then look at him. Stare into his eyes without malicious intent and see for yourself if that really is true.

Izaya tilts his head slightly and takes a glance at Shizuo, only to catch him staring intently at him. Upon being caught, he quickly averts his gaze and starts fidgeting, hopping from one foot to the next and rubbing the back of his head. He then takes out his packet of cigarettes, slips one out and places it between his lips before lighting it. Izaya watches as he inhales the smoke deeply into his lungs, holds it for a brief second, and releases it, just a little too close to Izaya's face. Izaya instantly scrunches up his nose is disgust as he feels the smoke infiltrate his olfactory system, wondering how in the world Shizuo could consume the cancer sticks one after the other as if they were lollipops. Especially such a disgusting brand, at that.

Another puff of smoke soon follows, this time directed away from Izaya's general direction. Had that been intentional? Had Shizuo actually acknowledged Izaya's grimace towards the cigarette and directed the smoke away from him? And the way he stares at Izaya, as if waiting for him to say something, even though Izaya is at a complete loss for words. Or rather, he has plenty to say. Words that spawn from the little devil in his head, egging him on to say the most ridiculous of things.

"You know Shizu-chan, you actually do look so handsome in that Santa hat. Not at all threatening. Say, won't you hold my hand again? My fingers are slowly starting to freeze and you're so warm. Oh won't you please warm me up?"

Shut up.

Izaya leans his elbow against the bridge and brings his fist against to mouth to cover his lips. He wonders if Shizuo is currently thinking the same things as him. Is he also conflicted inside? Is he also confused by Izaya's actions, in the same way Izaya is confused by his? Is Shizuo internally denying the spark between them every time they touch, just like he is? Or does he simply accept it? Or does he not feel it at all? Is it Izaya the only one that's crazy and heavily in denial about just how warm Shizuo is and how much he wants to reach over and brush their fingers together, just to get another taste of that intense warmth. Is Izaya the only one who thinks that maybe, just maybe, if they hold hands again, Izaya could very well become addicted to Shizuo's heat? His internal voice is right. It is addicting. Whether Izaya likes it or not, that's how it is.

All for some arbitrary reason. It's the stupid soulmate shit that's making him feel that way. Of course. These aren't Izaya's real feelings. Suddenly, it all makes sense. Any attraction he feels for Shizuo is not even real. That comforting touch, the tightness in his chest, the warmth on his cheeks: all just involuntary reactions controlled by an extrinsic force. Once he finds a way to rid himself of this nuisance, it will all be over. The desire to be close to Shizuo will be gone and they will be able to return to their usual routine of cat and mouse. All Izaya has to do is just… eliminate the cause of this. He turns to Shizuo, who by this time has disposed of his cigarette. He knows what he wants to say now, but Shizuo, being…Shizuo, doesn't let him so much as utter a single word.

So what moronic thing does the dumb protozoan do this time? Why, he takes off his Santa hat and brings it down, aiming straight for Izaya. Izaya instinctively dodges his attempt to put the hat on his head. His ever ongoing internal monologue is quickly replaced by a sole feeling of irritation.

"What the hell are you doing?" Izaya hisses out from between his clenched teeth as Shizuo swings the hat around, struggling to catch Izaya.

"Would you just stand still for one fucking second and stop jumping around so much?" Shizuo growls and continues to chase him. They enter into this sort of strange dance, with Shizuo trying to catch him out, and Izaya gracefully avoiding all contact as he hops from one side of the bridge to the other, eventually hopping up and balancing himself on the wooden railing. One misstep and he could very well fall over and into the pond. He wonders what Shizuo will do: try to push him over the edge or maybe catch him if he slips.

"Why are you even trying to give me that stupid hat of yours? I don't want it," Izaya says as he stares down at Shizuo. Shizuo is very clearly frustrated and looks like he's going to push Izaya's legs any moment now, sending him flying off the railing. Izaya buckles his knees and braces himself as Shizuo swings his arm forward. He's ready to jump to avoid it, but to his surprise, Shizuo quickly drops his hand before it can even connect with Izaya's leg.

"Because your entire face is red and you look so damn cold, " Shizuo huffs out and Izaya, slightly taken by surprise, takes a step back. Except his heel doesn't connect with more wood and instead is met with empty air. He lets out a little yelp, flailing his arms around and shutting his eyes tight to brace himself for the impact with the ice below.

The impact that never comes.

He reopens his eyes only to see that he still has one foot just barely balancing againt the bridge. Shizuo is looking up at him and tightly clutching his wrist to keep him from falling off completely. With one sharp pull, Izaya comes flying forward and off the bridge, only to fall straight into Shizuo's chest. Seriously, he's got to stop doing that, constantly falling against Shizuo.

"Thanks," he mumbles as he pulls away, pressing both palms against Shizuo's sturdy pectoral muscles to steady himself. Shizuo doesn't reply and instead takes the opportunity to plop the hat on top of Izaya's head, going as far as to drag it down so it's covering his ears completely. Indeed, the hat does feel warmer, even if it's made from a cheap fabric that's surely not up to Izaya's standards in the slightest. But not as warm as the heat dancing across his fingertips. Quickly, Izaya drops his hands.

"Are you an idiot or what? Don't you know this is how lice get spread around," Izaya protests, yet makes no motion to take the hat off. Shizuo rolls his eyes and scoffs right back at him.

"Tch, the only louse around here is you," he comments as he grabs Izaya by the collar and gives him a little shake. "And the only idiot here is also you. Maybe you should be more careful when jumping around so much, ya shitty flea," he grumbles and lets Izaya go, allowing him to straighten himself out. Izaya clears his throat.

"You're the idiot for giving me the hat in the first place. I have a hood, you know. If it gets too cold I can always put that on my head," Izaya retorts and folds his arms over his chest while making a small 'hmpf' sound.

"Seriously, again with the short term memory loss, huh Shizu-chan? Maybe you should get your brain checked. Though I doubt the MRI machine would even be able to find an actual brain to scan, given how it's smaller than the size of a pea," he continues to tease, forcing Shizuo to get even angrier than before. Any moment now and surely he'll snap, making his little attempt at saving Izaya completely meaningless, because he'll probably just attempt to throw Izaya over the railing himself.

"You're such an ungrateful little shit, you know that? If you don't want it so fucking badly, then be my fucking guest and just take it off," he grumbles. Izaya quickly brings his hands up to his head to grab the hat, but instead of taking it off, he keeps it in place, refusing to move it.

"Well now that you told me to take it off, I'm not going to," he whines in an extremely childish way. Shizuo just stares at him, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head as if trying to make sense of Izaya's thought process. He clearly can't and quickly gives up on that thought.

"Whatever… fucking flea," he mutters under his breath and before Izaya can flinch back, he grabs a hold of Izaya's hood and pulls it over his head and across his eyes, momentarily restricting his field of vision. Geez, this fucking shit again? Izaya quickly swats at his arms and pulls the hood up from his eyes, only to catch a fleeting glimpse of a small smile grazing Shizuo's otherwise stiff lip. Izaya instantly pouts and puffs up his cheeks like a chipmunk.

"You're so, so fucking frustrating I-" he begins. As if fate itself had set up the encounter, a small white flake of snow gently cascades from the sky and lands on the tip of Izaya's nose. He scrunches up his nose, bothered by the melting droplet. He feels it coming: that little prickle inside his nose. He takes in a few short breaths in rapid succession, squinting his eyes in the process. Then…then…

"Achu," he sneezes.

It's a short and high pitched sound that's far too cute to have been anything his body should be capable of making. It shakes the entirety of his thin frame, forcing his hands up to cover his mouth and his eyes to quickly shut. When he reopens then, he notices Shizuo staring at him again with the back of his hand covering his lips, almost as if he was trying to hold back a laugh. More flakes of snow continue to fall around them, some landing in bits of Izaya's hair and others falling on his face again. He scrunches his nose again but doesn't sneeze.

"Stop looking at me like that," Izaya mumbles out and Shizuo quickly scowls, remembering just who it is he was looking at. He turns away from Izaya and starts walking away towards the exit of the park.

"Hurry your ass along, I don't want to get caught in the snow," he calls back to Izaya. Izaya merely stares at his back, walking further and further away. He wonders if he's genuinely losing his mind, because this is the most docile Izaya had ever witnessed Shizuo acting. The only logical conclusion to the entirety of this day would be that Izaya is still sleeping, completely submerged in his bathtub, positively high on bath salts.

Stop fighting it.

Izaya bites his bottom lip somewhat tentatively. In the next moment, his body moves by itself, acting on its own accord, devoid of all logic and rationality. It's a simple action, like an ingrained habitual instinct. He walks up to Shizuo and effortlessly slips his hand back into his, entwining their fingers together and indulging in that same feeling of comfort. It's only after he'd done it that he realizes just what he had done. By then, it's too late for Izaya to back out because Shizuo is already clinging to his hand tightly, stringing him along. It feels too natural, as if they'd done it a million times before. As if it was normal for them. Izaya does the only thing he can to maintain his sanity. He mentally tries to justify just why he had gripped Shizuo's hand in the first place.

He thinks it's just a way of keeping out of trouble. Surely, if he hadn't done so, Shizuo would have just trudged straight back to him and grabbed him on his own, since he'd been apparently so adamant about keeping such a close eye on him. This way it's more convenient. Yea, that's it. It's just easier this way, he thinks as he gives Shizuo's hand a small squeeze.

And Shizuo squeezes his hand back.

-.-.-.-.-

The rest of their walk is quiet and brisk, with Shizuo tugging just a little bit too sharply here and there in order to get out of the heavy snowfall as quickly as possible. By the time they arrive at Izaya's door, Izaya has a little pile of snow on his hood and shoulders. As for Shizuo, his hair is a little damp with thin strands of blond clinging to his forehead. Despite that, he'd never once asked for his hat back during their entire trek. It's at this point they unlink their hands from each other, and Izaya turns to face Shizuo, staring up at him with innocent, maroon eyes.

"Well, this is it. My front door. You escorted me all the way home, so you can go now" he says, and all Shizuo can respond with is a dumb:

"Yea."

He turns and starts walking back towards the elevator. Izaya watches him for a brief moment, then turns to his apartment door and opens it. He steps inside and takes off his coat immediately before hanging it on the coat rack by the door. Afterwards, he takes off that infernal Santa hat. He stares at it for just a moment and rubs his thumb back and forth against the cheap fabric. He bites his bottom lip, throws it on the coat rack next to the coat, and turns back to the front door. Impulsively, he steps out into the hall only to see the elevator doors opening.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya calls out before Shizuo can enter the elevator. All too quickly, Shizuo whips his head around to look at him.

"Yea?" he asks just a little bit too eagerly. Izaya slowly walks up to him with his palms pressed together in front of his chest.

"Today was, to be honest with you… not completely awful," he confesses, shifting his eyes to look at Shizuo's shoes instead of his face.

"I have to say I actually…enjoyed myself, just a tiny bit," he trails and shrugs his shoulders a little awkwardly and sneaks a peek at Shizuo's face. For once, it's stoic.

"So… thank you for that, I suppose. And maybe… maybe we could repeat this experience some other time," No, no, no, this isn't part of the plan. What is he saying now? These words coming out of his mouth seem strange and foreign to him, as if his mouth had moved on its own without instructions from his brain. Could it actually be possible to start fresh? To forget all the bad blood between them? His chest just keeps getting tighter and tighter, as if he was being squeezed by a boa constrictor. It hurts… it hurts because he knows it's not possible.

Just say it already.

Disgusting. What I said is disgusting, I know.

"Izaya I-."

Confusion, bewilderment, a tone Izaya can't quite put his finger on. Shit, Izaya can't even look at him, let alone be willing to hear anything he has to say. He's lost, disoriented. He doesn't know what to feel. His chest keeps getting tighter and tighter to the point where he feels as if he can't breathe because goddamn, he really just can't. He's not usually prone to panicking. He knows how to keep his calm and composure, especially in the presence of others. As if he'd ever permit someone to see what he truly feels inside. His deepest, rawest of emotions. It's how he avoids getting hurt. It's how he knows that if he doesn't act fast and hurt Shizuo first, Shizuo will just end up hurting him.

So, he does the only thing he can do. He starts laughing.

Uncontrollably.

The sound of his maniacal giggling bounces off the walls in a sickening echo as he clutches at his stomach to steady himself. It hurts. It hurts so, so much. Shizuo looks at him as if he were crazy, which at this point, he very well may be, but Izaya just keeps on laughing and laughing until he tears prod at the corners of his eyes.

"Y-you should have seen your face Shizu-chan, really. Your expression was quite hilarious," Izaya chokes out in between snickers. Realization slowly dawns on Shizuo as he begins to understand Izaya's actions. Or rather, he understands what Izaya wants him to. He scowls, unimpressed.

"Did you really think I could ever truly say such gross things and mean them? I can't believe you actually fell for that haha. Honestly, the whole day was an absolute nightmare and I was just playing along to see how much more sickening it would become. And you did not disappoint. Every single second spent with you was absolutely repulsive. That's why I hate you. Yea, that's right. I truly hate Shizu-chan the most," Izaya rambles while waving his hands around for further emphasis as he watches the shifts in Shizuo's face, from betrayal, to disgust, to absolute rage.

"Izaya," the name comes out of Shizuo's throat in a guttural growl, his voice low and dipped in skin crawling venom. Izaya shudders slightly just from the sheer tone change. Izaya knows he should probably start running, preferably down the emergency stairs since the last thing he wants to do is lead a raging beast like Shizuo back to his apartment. Luckily, he doesn't have to. Saved by the distorted and muddled ringtone of a phone buzzing in Shizuo's pocket.

"What's wrong Shizu-chan? Aren't you going to answer it?" Izaya says, giving Shizuo a wide smirk as a way to mask the pain he feels inside. Shizuo pulls out his phone slowly, all the while keeping his eyes locked on Izaya. He doesn't even look away for a second to check the caller ID and blindly tries to press the 'accept call' button. Izaya just barely catches a glimpse of the name flickering across the cracked screen before Shizuo lifts the phone to his hear.

Shinra. Fucking Shinra.

So the fucker has time to call Shizuo, but not answer Izaya's calls or call him back? Izaya's lip twitches from a bitter scoff just itching to come out, yet he keeps his composure and maintains his persona of indifference.

"What?" Shizuo spits out into the phone. He nods along to whatever Shinra may be saying, but his attention is elsewhere, his mind distracted by staring down Izaya and glaring intently. Izaya steps forward and tentatively places his hands on Shizuo's biceps, then starts to push as if trying to shove him into the elevator.

"Alright, fun is over, you can go back to the little hovel you call a home now," Izaya says in a sing song way and despite being met with some initial resistance, Shizuo complies and steps in the elevator. He pulls the phone away from his ear for just one second to whisper three little words to him just quietly enough so Shinra wouldn't hear.

"Fuck you, Izaya."

The elevator doors then come to a close. As soon as they do, Izaya lets out a deep sigh and drops his false persona, finally allowing his face to take on that twisted scowl he'd been longing to adopt for a while now. He drags his feet back to his apartment and closes the door behind him. He looks at the red hat on the coat rack. Dejectedly, he plucks it off the hanger and holds it tightly against his chest. He leans back against the door and slides down against it until he's sitting on the floor with his knees pressed to his chest. He stretches out the fabric of the hat and looks at it almost longingly before burying his face into it and inhaling deeply. He closes his eyes. The faint smell of tobacco mixed in with cheap shampoo. An awful smell that at the same time smells like the best thing in the world.

Familiar, comfortable.

It smells like Shizuo.

-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N:

~~~Unbelievable sights

Indescribable feeling~~~

Whole new world playing in the background

Get it? Magic carp-et? Koi = carp? This whole chapter is about word play :D

* Author's note: here Izaya says koi (鯉) as in the fish, but the word koi (恋) also means love in Japanese. I wanted to kind of play around with words and use koi as a suffix instead of chan. So essentially, it's a slight play on words in which Izaya accidentally ends up saying "Farewell, my love"
I do hope it makes sense orz