Good news, everyone! Our heroes are free and ready to take the fight to Sauron! Buuuuut, Sauron has usurped the throne, so he's the King, he got monsters on his side and Itsy Bitsy is also ready to lend her weapons against our intrepid stars. Not to mention that Kitty's patience is wearing very, very thin (and gets thinner by the second)
Now, in response to Timeless Writer: Yes, it was the classic "They Took Your Job!" joke from South Park; I thought it was perfect for this scene LOL!
Now, let's see how our heroes will make it through!
Enjoy the reading!
SPIDER-MAN AND KITTY PRYDE: ROYAL PAINS
Chapter 10: Take Back the Throne, Part 1 – Copyright Infringement
After spending a few minutes swinging across the city, Itsy Bitsy reaches Sauron's laboratory where he and the newest acolytes at his disposal are moving out his equipment, for he has a new location to rule his kingdom, and also to prepare his next plan.
"Oh Saurie-Saur!" Itsy Bitsy calls him in a sing-song tone, finding him nearby supervising the procedure "I got your DNA thingy!" she lands in front of him, giving him the vial.
"Excellent, my dearest!" Sauron holds the vial, looking at it triumphantly "This is the key to my long overdue retribution!" he exclaims while Itsy Bitsy heads down the basement.
"SON OF A #$%&+!" Itsy Bitsy screams, startling Sauron ad the few monsters working "Those pesky soldiers escaped!" she exclaims, unsheathing her katanas in anger.
"Who escaped?" Sauron asks, raising an eyebrow as he looks at her.
"That Royal Guard escaped…I had them tied up and they escaped!" Itsy Bitsy replies, slashing a couple of chairs in anger.
"Hey! Easy! Eeeeasy!" Sauron tries to calm her down "That Royal Guard is irrelevant at this point, at best they are forced to be loyal to us" he replies, prompting Itsy Bitsy to look at him with wide eyes.
"Us? Us as in you and I!?" Itsy Bitsy asks, still in shock.
"Of course I meant us!" Sauron exclaims in response "You are my finest warrior, that makes you the spearhead of the strikeforce and also…" he then approaches her "You are bound to be my Queen" he says it looking into her eyes, prompting her to giddily clap her hands.
"YAAAAAAAY!" Itsy Bitsy exclaims "I can still kill them later…and speaking of killing" she then sheathes her katanas back "I still have to kill my former daddies and their little girlie, so if you'll excuse me" she blows a kiss at Sauron and then jumps away, swinging to head to her warehouse and proceed with her killing plan.
"When you're done, meet me at my new Tower!" Sauron exclaims as she leaves, then he turns to one of the moving crew who is carrying one of Sauron's machines "Hey! Careful with that! That is very delicate machinery!" he scolds them, turning his sight to the vial containing Jelby's DNA "Meanwhile…is time to put my plan into motion" he then jumps and flies away, heading to his new tower and make sure his part of his plans go smoothly, for his new kingdom is ready to go to war with the new King's longtime enemy.
MEANWHILE, AT DEADPOOL'S THRONE ROOM
Once the group escaped the warehouse, their first stop was the Royal Guard's headquarters, which also works as the King's Throne Room. The crew needed to rearm and rebuild their strategy before making their attack.
The Night Wolf enters first, alongside Quonian and Bün-Bün, who is carrying Jeff in his arms, then followed by Spider-Man, Deadpool and Kitty Pryde, all of them received by the remaining members of the Royal Guard.
"You finally came!" Zrrgo exclaims as they approach the group.
"There's been a develop…" Kohlaab tries to speak but then he notices who is coming with them "King Deadpool?" he asks, looking shocked at what they are seeing.
"But…we found out that…" Chet Morita also tries to speak, but Deadpool interjects.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know, Sauron pulled a stunt and now has stolen MY throne, but right now we're taking back what's rightfully MINE!" Wade replies their doubts "Now, how exactly you guys got out of that pickle you guys got in?" he asks them.
"We were able to get free thanks to the assistance of Jeff and the Brood-Slayer" the Night Wolf replies "they both worked together to free us all"
"They worked together?" Kitty asks, looking amazed "Now I'm curious to find out how'd they got along" she comments, laughing a bit.
"I know how" Wade replies "With an unnecessary extended dialogue" he then looks to the front "Which means that whoever's writing this is even lazier than the people who wrote my second movie" he then sighs and starts scratching his waist "Man, this thing may be sticky but sure is also itchy, better get out of this crap" he quips as he heads to the back of the room in order to get rid of his improvised 'web-diaper' and change to his suit.
"Great, these two met less than a week and they're already friends, but I've been dating you for four months already and he still hates me" Spidey comments to his girlfriend about Lockheed's sudden friendship with Jeff while he still has not reached his good grace.
"He doesn't hate you" Kitty replies "Trust me, I know" she adds "If there's anyone hating at someone in this room, you already know the answer" she comments about her recent complain about hating Deadpool, further frustrating her.
"Kitty, Hun" Spidey gently puts his hands on her shoulders "I know this is tough, but we have to prevail, I understand how hard is to look past Wade's insanity but once you appeal to it, everything else goes smoothly" he tries to calm her down, but she glares at him.
"Is easy for you to say it" Kitty replies, looking at the lenses of his mask "Every second I spend here makes me realize of how much I'm hating this guy" she starts to become more and more frustrated "I hate him more than I hate Sebastian Shaw! I hate him more than I hate William Stryker! I hate him more than I hate your stupid ex Black Rat! I hate him more than I hate your entire #$%&+*&$ rogues gallery!" she then puts her hands on his shoulders "I just want to get this over with and go home…" she almost begs him to end it.
"We will end this, and we'll go home and we'll leave this all behind and maybe even laugh at this in retrospect" Spidey tries to joke as he moves his hands to wrap her back and hug her but Kitty glares at him "OK, maybe not the laughing part" he adds but she slowly sighs.
"I know…" she replies, then moving her hands around his neck "I know we shouldn't be doing PDA's in costume but right now I need some relief and you know what works" he adds, lifting his mask enough to reveal his lips and then she approaches to kiss him gently, a kiss that Spidey returns as he hugs her tightly to keep her close and give her a much needed comfort.
"Dude, gotta tell you, I've worn sticky pants before but those webs win the priiiii…" Wade walks into the scene and right then he gasps in shock, interrupting the kiss and startling both Spidey and Kitty "YOU!?" he points at Spidey "AND YOU!?" then at Kitty "TOGETHER!?" he shifts his pointing between both of them, still in shock at what he just saw. Spidey and Kitty look at each other but Spidey releases a long sigh.
"Yes, we're together, and you better not give us trouble because of it, alright?" Spidey comments, warning Wade about exaggerating, something that he knows he eventually will.
"You're not gonna expect we give you an explanation" Kitty comments, regaining her frustration.
"Of course there's an explanation!" Wade exclaims "There's only ONE explanation!" then he lifts his head to the sky and puts his hands to his mouth "BENDIS!? IS THAT YOU BEHIND THE KEYBOARD!? DID YOU FINALLY DUMPED THE 'DEPRESSING COMPETITION' AND CAME BACK HOME!?" he yells while Spidey facepalms and Kitty puts a face that says 'Now you see why I hate him?' and then he looks back at them "There's only ONE guy who ever thought of you two being a couple, but now that he's gone, the Powers that Be are keeping you as far as possible, but HEY! Good to know you chose to stick it up to them!" he hugs both of them, much to their chagrin.
"Deadpool…if you touch me again, I swear to God that I'll phase you so deep into the ground, your Healing Factor won't even help you" Kitty replies with a threatening tone, slightly intimidating Wade.
"Whoa! Hey! Easy there!" Wade comments as he pulls away from them and then looks at Spidey "Now we know wears the pants in the relationship" he playfully elbows him.
"Sire" the Night Wolf calls for the King, revealing himself alongside the rest of the Royal Guard, all armed and ready to go "We're all set and awaiting your orders".
"Alright folks, the gameplan is simple" Wade starts to walk around the room "Sauron already pissed us off, not to mention that he may or may not be doing the nasty with a certain crazy arachnid chick who has half of my DNA called Itsy Bitsy" he adds, to which the Night Wolf steps forward.
"We already met said creature…we were caught off-guard, but now that we have knowledge of her power set and skills, she will not take us down again" the Night Wolf replies with a serious tone.
"So wait, if this Itsy Bitsy chick has Spider-Man's DNA, then it means she must have a Spider-Sense" Kitty begins to flush out the details "You need to take that into consideration because she'll be extremely hyperactive" she adds, crossing her arms and taking a serious semblance in her face.
"And she has Wade's DNA, meaning that her Healing Factor is an accelerated one" Spidey adds to Kitty's comment "So you guys must be relentless about it".
"We are aware of the level of threat this woman possess" the Night Wolf replies to their concerns "But aside from skillful, we're also resourceful" he adds, looking at the rest of the Royal Guard "We can, and will, defeat this threat, but we would also count with the assistance of these two formidable creatures by our side in this battle" he looks at Lockheed and Jeff, who then look at each other, gesturing as if they were saying 'Awesome!'.
"Yeah, yeah, the little critters are joining the fray too" Wade interrupts "But also have to keep in mind, we'll be fighting in a very small room, I mean, the 'lab' I gave Sauron isn't precisely a large one" he adds.
"Actually sir" Kohlaab steps in "After he usurped your throne, he relocated himself"
"A new base? Where?" Wade throws the question.
THEN, IN SAURON'S NEW LOCATION
The first thing Sauron decided to do as the New King is to relocate his main lair, since the clinic Deadpool assigned him is too small for his taste so he selected one of the tallest buildings of the island and set himself there, placing the throne where he believes it rightfully belongs: at the very top.
"Now this is the location worthy of a King" Sauron muses as he sees a large group of monsters and humans move the rest of his equipment, as well as digging what it seems like a large pit right in front of the tower "And I must say, I'm genuinely impressed by the effectiveness and great organizational skills of these creatures, they may be dimwitted but they sure compensate it with their force in physical heavy labor" he comments, seeing how in short time his new lair is almost built, all thanks to the efforts of his subjects.
He holds the vial containing Jelby's DNA and right then he spreads his wings and fly up to the top floor where his equipments and his throne awaits him. He reaches the top, entering into his throne room, a large chair with gold and red details, surrounded by two chambers full of sulfuric acid, computers and other experimental machines. Waiting for him were a group of six gargoyle-like monsters, all of them bowing down to him as he arrives.
"UGHN!" the gargoyles growl upon the arrival of their new King.
"Now this is a very good sight" Sauron comments as he walks in "My devoted subjects" he talks while he inserts the Jelby DNA vial inside one of the machines "The time has come for you to prove your loyalty and devotion to your new King" he turns to see his subjects "You will be the first of many who will be granted the piece that will allow you to march into your very first battle" he sees the machines multiply the genetic material, transforming it into a jelly-like substance, spreading into what looks like a batter dispenser above the gargoyles "This will grant you access to the mutant nation of Krakoa" he walks towards the gargoyles "You will head into the largest gate in the city, the one located in the Washington Square Park" he shows them a picture of the large monument, wrapped up with the Krakoan vines that comprise the gate "Once you walk through that gate, you will find strong opposition, but I want you to be savage! I want you to be relentless! I want you to be merciless!" the gargoyles growl, motivated by Sauron's speech "I want you to tell them who's the King!" he then activates the machine and bathes the gargoyles in the jelly-like substance, covering them in a thin purple coat, made with the genetic imprint of Jelby so they can carry the X-Gene and gain access through the Krakoan Gate "I want you to make them say my name…" he mutters, looking directly into their eyes "Say my name…" he orders the gargoyles "Say it!"
"Kiiinnng Saaauronnnnn" the gargoyles speak slowly, grunting as they say those words.
"Say it again!" Sauron exclaims with rage in his voice.
"Kiiiinnnnnng Saaauuurooonnnnn" the gargoyles repeat with more vigor.
"SAY IT LOUD! SAY IT PROUD!" Sauron exclaims, almost like screaming.
"KIIIIIING SAAAAAAAUUUUROOOONNNNN!" the gargoyles roar as they start to take flight.
"GO MY CREATURES! GO AND SHOW THOSE MUTANTS WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF!" Sauron orders them as they start to fly away, heading to the location Sauron told them as the first soldiers of his troop, ready to put into motion his plan of bringing down his longtime enemies, the mutants.
A FEW BLOCKS AWAY
Just as the gargoyles flew away, the group of heroes arrived, looking at the distance from the rooftop of a small building to catch the sights and plan their move, and also to show Deadpool exactly what they meant when they said that Sauron relocated from the lab he originally was.
"A Tower! Of course it had to be a Tower! Dear John Byrne, could this guy be more of a cliché!?" Wade complains as he looks at the tower and the monsters working around it.
"Typical megalomaniac, get a tower to look down at the people" Kitty comments as she looks at the tower.
"Oh Dear God, I just got it" Spidey comments "King Sauron, High Tower, Watching All…This sure has 'Copyright Infringement' written all over it" he quips with amazement.
"Of course it does! It's the title of the #$%&+%& chapter!" Wade replies pointing upwards "Seriously, this feels even lazier than 'press 5'…" he mutters under his breath.
"What's our gameplan, sire?" the Night Wolf asks Deadpool, who immediately unsheathes his katanas.
"Gameplan, shmameplan!" Wade replies "We're gonna burst down the front door, beat our way to the top and knock down Sauron like the Final Boss Battle" he says while he points at the tower with his katana.
"We'll cover from above" Spidey replies while Lockheed picks Kitty so they could cover ground from the sky.
"Then it is done" the Night Wolf says and then turns to the rest of the Royal Guard "Royal Guard! ATTACK! FOR OUR TRUE KING!"
"INSERT COOL WARCRY HERE!" Wade exclaims, screaming as he starts to lead the charge.
"God, I hate this guy…and everything that's happening here" Kitty mutters with visible disdain, joining the rest of the crew as they jump from the rooftop and head towards the Tower, but none of them know that from a distance, they are all discovered by Sauron's deadliest ally, Itsy Bitsy.
"I should've killed that Royal Guard first…" Itsy Bitsy angrily laments "But hey, everyone else is now wrapped up in a very nice bow, so this is my chance to kill everyone! My Daddies, that annoying #$%&+ and even those cute-looking creatures! I'll turn those two into stuffed animals with their carcasses!" she exclaims while she unsheathes her katanas and grab her guns "Itsy Bitsy Spider came down the water sprout…she went to the tower and took all those #$%&+%#* out!" she sings the song as she leaps out following them, ready to be a major obstacle in their fight, and things will begin to look intense from this point forward.
Boy do we have lots of things going on around here! Our heroes are ready to bring down the King, but Sauron already sent monsters to Krakoa! How will the mutants react to this unwelcome visit from Staten Island's new King? And will Itsy Bitsy catch up with our heroes and stop them from deposing her beau? And most importantly, with Daredevil in jail and She-Hulk busy with the Avengers, is there any other lawyer out there to help Wade dealing with this (and future) copyright infringements? Stay tuned to find out the answers to this and other questions! (Except the lawyers' one, of course).
NEXT CHAPTER: THE ROYAL GUARD VS. ITSY BITSY! SPIDEY AND WADE VS. HORDES OF MONSTERS! AND KITTY FINALLY SNAPS!