Chapter 19:
"Where is my daughter, Astartes," Margarida asked? She was supposed to be going into discussions with Gumbald today. She was supposed to be charting a course to an accommodation that would ensure her kingdom's financial and physical security. Increasingly, she'd been seeing her choices as empty ones and the course she was on as the road to perdition. She couldn't get off this road. She didn't know a way to get off. Her kingdom was built on slavery, and she was confronted with an adversary who would never–could never–accept that. Did she try to change that, it would wreck the Confederation's economy and bankrupt them overnight.
But she didn't see Gumbald as salvation.
Cenobia's descriptions of the man she was to meet suggested a mind on the brink of madness. This wasn't the sort of manic genius that Princess Bubblegum was reputed to be. This man was like a devil given flesh and the breath of life. Increasingly her fevered imagination wanted to paint this liaison as the one that would finally destroy the Confederation and end the existence of her people on Ooo, and she was desperate for any alternative. She no longer thought in terms of marrying into Finn's family. That ship had clearly sailed. What she needed was an alliance–a reputable one–that would moderate the King's actions against her people. She'd been pondering an alliance with the Muscle Kingdom. They were the breadbasket of Finn's kingdom. If Tallulah married into their family, Finn would be far less likely to want to smash the Confederation.
But Tallulah was fucking up.
Indeed, as she stared at the shimmering image of their hired wizard, it was clear that Astartes had bad news for her. The wizard's expression suggested it was bad enough that she feared being the messenger. "You're not to be punished, Astartes," the matriarch murmured. "Tell me. What is my child doing?" Blowing out a breath, the wizard muttered, "she's been dancing at that fucking strip-club again. She spends her nights hanging out there, dancing for coins even though she doesn't need them." She was shaking her ass for a bunch of losers instead of working. Margarida was fit to be tied. Cenobia growled, "we need an heir, Astartes! We need a royal child, not the bastard daughter of some layabout laborer! You're to make sure it happens or don't show your face here again! Either of you!"
The council broke the connection from their end, leaving the wizard staring into space. What the fuck was she supposed to do? The plump woman ran her fingers through her hair. Just what the fuck were they expecting her to do with their princess? The bitch wasn't listening to her! More to the point, while she didn't fear for her life, since she lived in Wizard City these days, she did have kin still on the home islands. Her mother was there, living out her retirement. She knew the council was vindictive enough to take their wrath out on her family.
First order of business, Astartes, she thought. You gotta' find out where the King is. She'd lost track. Truth be told, she'd wanted to lose track. She'd been scared stiff–shaking like a leaf in a hurricane–when she'd gotten up from the chessboard that night. She'd avoided anything to do with the royals, and she'd spent a couple of nights cuddled up with a bottle. Now, she was dragged back into this mess, and it was looking like a very bad idea to take this contract in the first place.
As the wizard pondered a change in employers, Jacob Rainicorn Junior's eyeless face contemplated the crowds around the Royal Car as they rolled up on the Haus des Bürgermeisters in New Köln. Hundreds of people had gathered to see the King. The name of Finn the Human was known far and wide. The big man had been here in the Duchy knocking down bandits and strongmen, and the people had loved him for it. Children waved little copies of the King's Bear Flag, and grown men hoisted their sons or daughters up on their shoulders so they could catch a glimpse.
"Roll the window down," Finn anounced. Alarmed, Jake growled, "you will not." The terrified driver, who'd been reaching for the control jerked his hand back as if the switch was on fire. Jake glared at Finn. The big man sighed heavily. "They can see you," Jake Junior rumbled. "They can see you just fine through the glass." The car rolled on, with Finn doing his best to be seen by those who'd come so far to see him. Finally, the limo rolled up to the mayor's mansion, and the King's bodyguards moved swiftly to get the door open, hustling the big man inside.
Jake Junior was at his side as he went up the stairs, her keen nose sifting the air for anything dangerous. She didn't want him here. There were too many people. Even her enhanced, alien senses would be pressed to see the threat here before it struck. She'd had no idea it was going to be like this, and she wanted to put him back in the car and get away from this place. Heart beating a mile a minute, the shapechanger paced Finn up the hallway to the grand audience chamber where he was supposed to meet Mr. Mayor and his guests.
Inside now, she thought. They were inside. Fewer people, and it was easier to see peeps who were in places they shouldn't be. With her otherworldly vision, she scanned across the spectrum, correlating blobs of heat with the sounds and scents coming to her sensitive ears and nose. No people hiding in closets or back rooms. Slowly she began to relax. This part was the cake part. She still had to get Finn out to the car and out of this town, but she could manage the dangers of this house.
In the meeting chamber, there were a couple dozen people. More than she liked, but manageable. Finn stepped forward to meet them, going down the line, as he announced, "I'm the King. I'm here to help." Shaking hands as he went, the big man did his best to put them at ease. "This doesn't need to be scary," he said. "You're part of my kingdom. You're important to me." One by one, he greeted the mayor's associates, trying to get their names in his head. As he was working his way down towards the end, suddenly Jake transformed, her claws growing to the size of scythes as she shredded the guy who'd been standing down near the end.
Finn found himself dealing with the fallout, as the Mayor's people headed for the exits, and the crowd outside got rather unruly when they found out that a member of his entourage had just killed one of the locals. It was every flavor of not-good, and the big man had to send for Voletta's mercenaries to quell the unrest. Jake got sequestered down in the cellar, and, for a wonder, she went without a struggle. Staring out at the ugly crowds outside, Finn found himself cursing the decision to come here. It was going to be a long, long day.
On the far side of the ocean, the first day of construction was underway for Shoko's transport platforms, and matters were going about as well as Shoko had imagined they would. The wizards were fucking up, and Maja was close to murder. Her raging OCD had her going back again and again, checking up on what her fellows were doing, and the results were spectacular for being bad. It was exhausting for the witch, and even Shoko could see it. Truth? She felt sorry for the older woman.
As the sun climbed the sky towards noon, Boniface Bubblegum strode into the looming conflict, wearing a strange sort of electronic mask that all but covered his face and head. "Stepmother," Bon interrupted, causing Maja to whirl towards him. In calm, soothing tones, the big man asked, "have you considered that this could be done... better?" The witch glared at him. Was this boy actually suggesting that she was fucking this up? Seeming to guess what she was thinking, the tall man shoved a notepad under her nose. Unsurprisingly, it was filled with incomprehensible equations. The witch angrily swatted it away, but Bon persisted. "What you do is no different than what I do," the tall man said. The calm, assured way he said it got her to listen a moment. "Controlling and transmitting energy from place to place," Boniface remarked. "It's science that's become instinct for you because you're able to touch that energy without frying yourself." Shoko's jaw came open. Their mom would never have been able to make that leap. There was more coming, though.
Turning to face the trees, Boniface announced, "I've been studying your work on the first of the trees. I've been studying the invisibility bubble. What if, by working together, I can help you and the others save some of the energy you would have burned?" Shoko saw it. That would let them build more of Maja's constructs–or make the ones they had run a little better. Turning to the witch, she pleaded, "please... Please listen... Give him a moment." Blowing out a breath, the witch burbled, "alright. This had better be good, Mr. Bubblegum."
The tall fellow started off in a place that surprised Shoko. Mostly he talked about the instinctual way that wizards were able to see and harness energy flows. He called it almost artistic. It was immensely flattering, and Shoko could see the angry Sky Witch wavering. That was when Bon went for the kill. "Sometimes art has to be channeled, stepmother," the big man said. "We have to make it fit in a finite space."
Taking off his strange mask, he said, "look here. With these goggles, I can see the same things you see. But, importantly, I can see the point at which the task is complete–where no more energy needs to be expended." Gesturing at the others, he said, "I can guide them in finishing each task to its full conclusion so that you don't have to go back and redo things." "Your mother...," Maja rumbled. "...isn't here," Bon interrupted. "This is in my hands. I can make enough of these goggles to help four teams of wizards improve their efforts and make the effort more efficient." "Gets you back to your lab sooner," Shoko reminded her. Blowing out a breath, the witch announced, "ok. Deal."
Far to the south, Margarida sat on the edge of a terrace in her rented suite, staring out at the ocean. This was the moment. This could make or break her people. Around her, her subordinates were gathered to advise her on the decision she had to make today. Into that space strode a unique pair of individuals. The man on the left was a Wax-Hustler, and they'd all seen his kind before. Treacherous as anything, they lived by their wits and cunning, running elaborate cons around the globe and taking their ill-gotten gains home to their island in the north east. The man on their right was a candy-person from the look of him. Tall, with balding pate, bushy mustache, and a complexion that shifted from a deep pink to almost a purple in the light, the stranger was unique in all the world. His blue eyes burned into Margarida's, sending shivers down her spine.
A servant rushed up and drew chairs for the strangers. For a moment, there was the typical polite dance of servants doing their duty for powerful people, as they laid out drinks and refreshments for all. Then, at a command from Dulcine, the servants banished themselves, slipping back into the house and shutting the door behind themselves. When they'd gone, Gordon Wells introduced his companion, announcing, "this is Prince Gumbald. He's come at your request to parley."
With a sinister smile, the tall man announced, "your subordinate has told me something of what troubles you, but why don't you tell Uncle Gumbald how he can help you? Eh?" It always creeped Gordon out when the madman talked that way. Still he kept his peace. Uncertainly, Margarida replied, "not entirely sure to be honest. You don't have an army." "Yet," Gumbald chuckled. The matriarch frowned at him. Leaning back in his chair, the ancient inventor airily declared, "my companions are in the process of manufacturing one." It took a moment. "You can make a machine army," howled Catalina?! "I can," Gumbald replied. "I am. At the moment, though, that army has to remain in hiding. I have to assess what this Finn the Human has. My niece has been busy, you see..."
Margarida frowned. Far from being excited by that news, she was even less certain of what to do now. If this man had the power to create such an army, what did he need them for? "My machines require a power source," Gumbald rumbled. It was almost as if he were reading their minds. "I require substantial quantities of mildly enriched nuclear material..." "Death metal," Jakinda burbled. "You want death-metal." Rolling her eyes, Catalina growled, "well, why didn't you say so? Easy as that, we'll just conjure some..." Cenobia stomped on her foot, causing her to subside with a shriek. "How much," she asked? Margarida glared at her. She was treading perilously close to the deadly secret that Confederation had been hiding for centuries.
Back on the far side of the ocean, Bonnibel Mertens strode up to the door of the formal audience chamber looking natty in a blue-grey dress and heels. Her expression was placid–a far cry from the look of utter terror that Roselinen knew she wore. Stopping before that forbidding door, the younger woman told her mother, "you'll be silent, momma. Don't speak. Keep your eyes fixed on the back wall. Don't be drawn. I'll speak and handle everything." Roselinen's eyes went wide at the way her child had just spoken to her! "We're in danger, momma," Bonnie rumbled. "Don't make this worse than it is. Keep your mouth shut. Let Cherry and I handle things." Without a further word, she turned and strode through the door. A beat late, her mother followed.
Just as before, there were dozens of people in the room. Bonnie stepped up onto the dais and sat herself, nodding for her stepmother to begin things. Roselinen was forced to rush to be seated. "Good afternoon, everyone," Bonnie announced, "I apologize for my lack of preparedness. I had expected that my siblings would be handling my father's business." Leaning forward, she said, "I've had time to prepare myself. Rumor control... as my brother, William, is fond of saying. There have been some adjustments being made in the family. This is understandable given the effects of the Conjunction."
Crossing her legs artfully, the pretty princess declared, "my sister, Fionna, has completed fifty percent of the southern barrier in Jungle Kingdom. While we'd hoped that would free her to be here, regrettably there are other matters that may occupy her time. It's unavoidable. Matters are in a state of flux. My father's wishes are that all energies and efforts not devoted to securing the peace be devoted to protecting the refugees in the west. At this time King's Island will be stationed there until the human domain is stabilized. Court will be held here in the Candy Kingdom until further notice."
There was muted rumbling at those words, and she took note of the many sly faces that exchanged speaking glances. She hoped her mother saw the same things she did. There were lives depending on how well they got along in the Royal Family, and there were people who would gladly exploit any conflicts for their own gain. Moving on, the half-breed turned to her stepmother and said, "Simone? Please open business."
Business went for hours in a whirlwind that left Roselinen's head spinning. Matters both momentous as war and as esoteric as planning a holiday for the King's birthday got raised. It was just as her daughter had said. They could do a lot of damage if they weren't careful, and she again found herself feeling all of a fool. She'd hoped to pry Finn away from all of this. She'd hoped he would take off the crown and give this madness back to the people who'd been born to do it. Instead, she and her kids were now drawn in as deeply as any of the others. Finally, as afternoon turned to evening, the court wrapped up, with Bonnie excusing them, and Simone dismissing the gathered nobles.
As soon as the whole thing was over, Bonnie scooted out of there and all but stormed off. She was still clearly ripped about the whole thing, and Roselinen knew she needed to get that sorted. Fast. Simone was gone just as quickly, likely off to her music room to play. Taking the dragon by the tail, the pillow person set off in hot pursuit. Still, fast as she was, she wasn't fast enough to catch the tall woman until she'd already reached the music room.
Stepping through the doorway, Roselinen found her rival unlocking the instrument that she customarily played when she came up to this space. "Hello," Simone greeted her in her pleasant, melodious voice. They stood there, staring at each other a few minutes. Those grey eyes never wavered. In spite of her handicap, this woman had an iron will, and she made Roselinen feel like a bunny-slipper.
Blowing out a breath, Roselinen burbled, "if this is the life you live... fuck, you can have it!" That broke the ice, and Simone chuckled, "this is the world of the Consort of Ooo..." Roselinen glared at her. In eerily serene tones, the Ice Queen asked, "do you think that Finn wants this life, Roselinen?" The pillow-person blinked. "There's a saying in this world, dear," the Ice Queen murmured. "We call it 'riding the tiger'. You can climb on the tiger's back. If you're sneaky, you can get up there, or if you have the strength or the foolish bravado, you can snatch the reins, but the tiger is still a tiger–a terrible beast of rending claws and sharp teeth..." "...and he'll try to tear you apart at the seams the minute you're off his back again," Roselinen muttered. Simone nodded. Just so.
The pillow-person began to cry, and Simone hugged her. "We can't go home, Rosie," Simone murmured. "We can never have our old world back. Finn lies about it. He lies to himself, promising that he'll take us on trips to the beach, just like he'd always wanted. He even used to promise that we'd get home to the treehouse..." Which they hadn't seen in years. Sniffing back tears of her own, the wizard murmured, "your farm is gone, Rosie. It's all gone. This is what we have, and we have to lean on each other to survive the tiger's wrath."
"Right," said Rosie, as she stepped back. Nodding, she said, "I... I need your help. I'm... It hurts, and I don't really understand how you accept this." She meant the other women. "Can't jump the track, Roselinen," Simone retorted. "We're like cars on a cable. No take-backs. I fucked up and ran off from my husband. I... I dumped my family and ran off to Wizard City to play politics because I thought it would win my mother's love. Finally. I lost everything I had and then some, and I was lucky enough to get out with my skin." Staring straight ahead, the Ice Queen said, "Finn adapted. He adapted because he had no choice. The world was going to hell. The Lich was on the loose, literally using my body to destroy the world. Finn... he accepted that I was dead, and he moved on. I can't come back and tell the others to go fuck off, can I?" No more than Roselinen could reclaim the husband she'd lost to the Cosmic Beings' games.
The pillow woman sat down and stared down at the floor. Smoothing her skirts, the Ice Queen settled beside her and took her hand. "It doesn't get easier," Simone remarked. "Finn does all he can to spare my feelings, but I do sometimes find myself resenting how things are going..." Looking up, Roselinen asked, "what do you do then?" Certainly she didn't just kill them out of hand, though she clearly could have. With a shrug, the Ice Queen replied, "I remember that some of them are my closest friends in all the world... And they are my dear friends by the way. Phoebe who looked after me when the Ice Tiara had me in its clutches. Emeraude, who raised her baby alongside mine. Breezy, who's saved Finn's life twice with her powers. Sarah, who's been the backbone of this family, giving all she has and then some to keep everything going when some of us are clearly fucking things up. And even my mother, who was throwing away happiness with both hands before Finn helped her see the cosmic joke she'd become. They're all my dear, dear friends."
Roselinen nodded. She'd seen how the pack of them got on, and honestly she'd felt left out. A lot of that was her own doing, though, and she could see it now as she hadn't seen it then. "I... I get that a King has wives... as in more than one," she muttered, "but the bimbos..." Simone howled laughter. She laughed and laughed until Roselinen cussed her. Subsiding into titters, the Ice Queen said, "my husband once told my son that he had better figure out how to turn a girl down without hurting her feelings. I've watched the man in action, Rosie. He has a half a hundred ways to say no, while telling you that you're the most beautiful girl in the world."
The pillow-person glared at her. If that was true, then why all the affairs? "Women," the Ice Queen explained. "Women with crowns." There was a second half to Finn's conversation with Billy, and Simone now shared that too. "A woman with a crown can end a nobody's life with a shout or a scream or just by complaining to her servants," she remarked. "Finn's come close to that a time or two–losing his head because he offended a powerful woman..." "But he's king now," Rosie insisted. "And the consequences of who he dallies with and who he doesn't are even more serious," Simone retorted. The King still ducked women, often by the score, but some persisted well past the point of prudence. Some of those were dangerous to the peace. It brought new definition to 'jilted' when a woman could declare war on you.
Roselinen's jaw came open, and she stared. Nodding, Simone said, "we have... We had an agreement. Nothing of consequence without my assent. My assent was the assent of all of the wives. By voice acclamation. We don't care how many bitches throw themselves at our husband. If they want to get dicked and dumped, well that's on them. Our concern is the kingdom and the children. No Royal Children from one-nighters and no dangerous liaisons with dangerous people." It was ugly, but it made a horrifying sense to Roselinen. Taking a breath, she sighed, "ok."
The pillow-person rose to go. This wasn't her space, and she wanted, more than anything, to get out of it. She wanted to go somewhere and have a good cry and pull herself back together. There was a future to face. Now that she'd been suddenly restored to youth and vigor, there were a lot of tomorrows to face. Stopping in mid-stride, the curvy pillow-person turned to face the wizard once more. With a sigh, she reached back and unfastened the chain from her neck. "I won't need this anymore," she said. She wasn't cut out for the job of Queen.
Back in the north, a disturbed and distressed Finn sat down in the mayor's office as he tried to figure out what to do here. News of the murder had spread through the town. Now, instead of shouting his name in joy, peeps were asking for Junior's scalp. And Finn? He was now faced with a terrible, sick feeling. Had he guessed wrong? Had love for Jake led him to a fatal mistake?
As he pondered what he was going to do, his bodyguard came in, announcing, "s-sire... I... I have news." Finn groaned. He didn't really want to hear this. He'd given Jake Junior every chance, and now she'd just shredded some poor stiff in front of his eyes–just like the monster she said she was. Sidling up to him, the green-skinned giant wore a sheepish look as he held up a punch dagger, plucked from inside the dead man's coat-sleeve. Finn frowned down at the knife and then stared up at his erstwhile protector. His bodyguard flushed to his long, blonde locks. He hadn't seen it. It was so cunningly concealed, the dead man could have stabbed Finn with the knife, and none of them would have seen it coming. "Announce the results of the investigation, and go and get my niece out of the basement," Finn growled. "A-at once, sire," the giant responded.
Minutes later, Voletta's soldiers brought Jake's daughter into the room. She looked like she'd been crying. "Take those off," Finn growled! "Sir," the lead guard babbled. "This woman saved my life," the King said. "Take those off." As Junior chafed at her wrists, the big man snarled, "get out!" The shapechanger watched in shock as the guards reluctantly left them.
When they'd gone, Finn turned to his brother's kid. Face softening, he said, "I'm sorry I doubted..." He barely got the words out before she was hugging him and crying. It was a side of her he'd never seen. "Those guys fucked up," she howled! "That dude was gonna' stab you!" His security was supposed to ensure that there weren't any problems inside the mayor's mansion. His bodyguard was supposed to catch men like the assassin before they did their assassinating. And Finn was supposed to be laying off the use of the Quicksilver Curse. "He didn't," said Finn. "You saved my life." Stepping back, the younger woman goggled at him. In all of the angst and tears of the last few hours, she hadn't even thought about that.
Stroking her blonde locks with his big left paw, the big man murmured, "wanna' know how I know you're not lost, JJ?" She stared at him. Smiling, Finn said, "you still have the capacity for shame and to love others outside yourself. A true evil seed wouldn't care what was going on with Liz if it didn't benefit her. You wouldn't have cared about what happened to me. You'd still have your pardon anyway." Far from calming her down–getting her to stop crying–that just seemed to make things worse. The dog-icorn had a meltdown, blubbering and sobbing all over him. He didn't understand. All he could do was hold her and whisper soothing words to try to still the anguish she felt.
Indeed, this was a very familiar situation for JJ. He was just like Billy. He took care of her just like Billy had before she'd fucked everything up–helping her to see herself as something other than a monster in a nice shape. He was always trying to help her see something better than the ugly urges she had to do wrong. The sexy shapechanger threw herself on Finn, wrapping her arms around him. In the blink of an eye, he had her soft lips pressed against his and her tongue teasing at his. To say he was startled would have been an understatement.
Finn had been a little shocked to learn that his son, Billy, was hittin' Junior. It had seemed wrong on a dozen levels because he'd always tried to look at this woman as his niece. Those objections had been ground down in the ugly business around Cherry's attempt to wrest the Candy Kingdom from Bonnie's hands. He'd become estranged from his adopted brother, and the pups had made it clear that they weren't fans of his or of Billy. Bronwyn, ironically, had erased the last objections to this liaison. JJ showed him where her mind was when she grabbed his big right hand and put it on her round little ass.
Pulling free, the big man stared at her. Junior glanced away, feeling rejected–like a monster. "Hey," he said. "Look at me." Sniffing back tears, she said, "I-I'm sorry... I..." Stroking her face, he said, "you surprised me. I have to ask... Is this really the way you want to go?" It was as far from what she'd been expecting him to say as Ooo was from the moon. Leaning down, the big man put his lips to her ear and said, "I can't ever escape the world of the King of Ooo... I climbed on the tiger's back, and I can't get down. You don't have to..." "What if that's my way to salvation," she whispered back? "What if this is my second chance, Finn? I climb on the tiger's back... with you. I ride it until it devours us both. I can die free of my sins."
Taking his hand, the shapechanger put it back on her ass. The King grabbed a big, double-handful of that round little cupcake ass, squeezing and stroking it. It wasn't as though he wasn't horny. Roselinen's antics had more or less cut him off. He wasn't getting anything from the women he was nominally married to or dating, and he wasn't getting anything from Rosie either. In just a few moments, the pair were enthusiastically kissing and making out in the corner of his private car. A part of him feared Jake's reaction to this development. Another part of him well knew that he and his brother had parted company, and there would be no putting the band back together again. Coming up for air, he stared down at the strange woman for a long few moments. When she would have spoken, the King shushed her. Taking her by the hand, he led her towards his bedroom.
Hundreds of miles away, Star Mertens looked up from cooking up a very late dinner to see her phone ringing off the hook. It had been a long, irritating day of running into walls everywhere she went. Nobody wanted to talk, though it was clear that a lot of dirty hands were involved in the deaths of four innocent people. More to the point, she was seeing suspicious signs of a coverup, one that had claimed the lives of many more people. The entire evening staff at the warehouse near the airfield had been squished by a crate falling off of a crane in an 'accident' that had clearly been staged for her benefit.
Trouble was, the people behind the scenes weren't very good at what they were doing. She suspected they were nobles. Nobles knew nothing about the day-to-day workings of things like a warehouse. Star did. She'd worked in one stacking purchases for pussy-whipped house-hubbies coming by to get odds and ends for their honey-do lists. Nobody in a warehouse walked under a suspended load. Nobody left a load hanging in mid-air for people to walk under. She was sifting evidence now, looking for the thing that was out of place in the pattern. She didn't know where it was, but she knew it was there. She'd know it when it popped up. Somebody was going to be spending a long time under the jail.
Putting her dinner aside, the little woman hustled over and picked up the phone. Fionna. Frowning, Star picked it up, announcing, "what's up, dweeb?" New Fionna responded, "someone's manufacturing illicit weapons in Jungle Kingdom..." Pictures popped up on the phone's display. Star goggled at them. "Fi," Star burbled. "That's... Where are you?" She couldn't keep the worry out of her voice if she tried. "It's serious," Fionna agreed. "I'm ok. I'm safe. They don't know I took these." "Stay away from them for now," Star admonished her. "I'm sending some people."
It appears that Halfgrim's secret cache of weapons is no longer a secret. Gumbald is arranging to get his hands on some plutonium, and Rosie has finally come to accept what she's fought so hard against. The Finn crew looks like it will soon be firing on all cylinders again.