A/N
***Please Read***
This chapter contains two scenes with sexual content. One is gentle, loving and consensual. The other is violent, scary and non consensual. BOTH are explicit and very graphic and I have updated the story rating to reflect it. Please use caution when reading.
I am putting a brief summary of events in the end of chapter notes for anyone that does not want to read the graphic details, but wants to keep up with what happened with the story
The knock on the stateroom door jolted Regina out of her thoughts. For a second her heart leapt and she all but ran to the door.
"Emma?" she asked, pulling the door open.
"Guess again." When Mal entered a room, it was like everything froze awaiting her permission to carry on. Today was no different.
"Hello, Mal."
"Hello, Regina. Is it safe to assume the state I am finding you in is because of the Swan, then?"
The sigh escaped Regina's lips before she could stop it and suddenly all she wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep.
"When you didn't show up for breakfast, I went looking for you in Swan's office."
"You saw Emma? What did she say?"
"She said she didn't know where you were. That was right before she shut the door in my face. Her manners are truly atrocious, by the way."
Despite herself, Regina laughed a bit. "Yes, they are," she agreed.
Mal sat on the bed next to Regina and looked at her friend in concern. She hadn't seen her friend this upset in years. She was aware that was because Regina had not allowed herself get close enough to anyone since the Leo/Emma debacle to have a reason to be upset, but it was still hard to watch.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Do you? This isn't really your comfort zone, is it?"
Mal hesitantly put her hand on Regina's knee. "You're my oldest friend, Regina. If you need to talk, then talk."
Regina nodded in appreciation, but didn't speak, so the two friends sat in silence for a few minutes. Mal was her oldest friend, and her closest, but Regina still was not entirely sure she was comfortable having this conversation.
"Regina, talk to me."
"It just feels strange to talk about my ex….with my other ex."
Mal laughed. "Regina, we dated for 4 months almost 20 years ago. Pardon my French, but that excuse is bullshit."
"I treated you so poorly, though."
"You didn't. We broke up because we were in completely different places."
This was true. Mal had been her first girlfriend, and as embarrassing as it was to think about now, she had used the woman to explore her newly realized desires. Mal had been a patient and generous lover, the best first girlfriend a girl could hope for. By the time Regina had realized Mal was been far more serious about the relationship than she was, it was too late to break it off without hurting her.
"We've never really talked about what went down between us."
"There's nothing to talk about, Regina. We were young, we had some fun and we broke up. I get it, it was harder on me than it was on you. It's not necessary to remind me of that.
"I'm sorry. That wasn't what I was trying to do."
If you don't want to talk about just happened with the Swan, then don't. But don't use our past as an excuse to avoid talking about the present, because that's not fair."
"You're right Mal and again, I apologize. I just don't know where to start."
"Start at the beginning. What happened with Emma and Leo? How did we go from you being in love with the Swan to you being married to Leo in just a couple of months?"
The air in the room was starting to thicken and Regina's breath shallowed. She wasn't normally one to run from her problems, but every once in a while, moments came when she understood Emma's instincts to disappear so clearly that it became painful to stay still.
"Breathe, Regina." Mal's voice broke through her anxiety and her breathing began to slow down.
"You hate Emma though. Are you sure you want to do this?"
"She's not my favorite person, that is true. But you are my best friend and you have been in love with her for as long as I can remember. So, stop deflecting and talk. What happened with Emma and Leo?"
May 3rd, 2005
"He's trouble, Regina. I know he is."
Regina sighed impatiently as she dressed for her evening recording session. "You're being paranoid, Emma. Just knock it off."
"You were supposed to quit this when you got the record deal. That was a month ago, Regina. Why does your mother still think you are dating him?"
"It's complicated."
"That is bullshit, Regina, and you know it. You said this would be over by Easter. It's almost summer. I'm tired of sharing you and I am tired of being left at home every time you go somewhere we might run into your mother." Emma could hear the whining in her own voice and she hated herself for it. She wished she could be more like Regina and stay calm during these arguments.
"I'm trying to protect you from her! Trying to protect our relationship. You have no idea how cruel she can be."
"I don't care about that! Please Regina, end this."
Regina looked at her girlfriend and saw the desperation in her eyes. "Ok, baby. I will, I promise. I'll end it with him as soon as this CD is done."
"Please, please don't take him on tour with you."
Regina saw the tears Emma was fighting and pulled her down to hold her in her arms. "You're the only one I want on tour with me, Emma," she said, stroking her hair. "Let me call the studio and cancel tonight's session, ok?"
"What? No, Regina, you don't have to do that. I'm ok, really."
"Nonsense, dear. I want to. Tonight, I want to show you how much I love you. You will always come first with me."
After Regina finished rescheduling her session, she laid beside Emma on the bed and encouraged her to remove her shirt and bra, before rolling her over onto her stomach.
"What are you doing?"
"Shh," Regina whispered. "Let me show you how important you are to me."
She straddled the blonde and began rubbing her shoulders, placing gentle kisses on the back of her neck. Emma shuddered when she felt the soft press of Regina's lips on the spot between her shoulder blades at the top of her spine. Feeling the reaction, Regina swept her tongue on the spot, causing a delicious shiver to run through the blonde. She instinctively raised her shoulders to try and protect against the ticklish feeling, but at the same time could feel her arousal start to grow.
Regina ran her hands down Emma's back, spreading them out towards her sides, peppering slow, soft kisses as she went. As her hands moved lower and lower, Emma could feel the arousal start to pool in between her legs and she lifted her hips to allow Regina to pull off her shorts. Regina ran her feather light touch down to Emma's thighs. When she moved the blonde's legs apart and placed the first small kiss on the inside of Emma's right thigh, the first moan of the night escaped the blonde.
Regina smiled without removing her lips and placed herself in between Emma's legs. Her hands continued downward, running over Emma's calves, before raising up to lick softly at the area between her thighs. She encouraged the blonde to raise her hips so she could reach her hand underneath and ran her fingers down Emma's slit, amazed at how wet her lover was just from a gentle massage. She removed her hand, climbed back up to the middle of Emma's back and whispered for her to turn over.
When Emma complied, Regina was stunned to see how dark her eyes were. Normally jade green, they turned emerald in color when the blonde was aroused or angry. This shade of green, however, was nothing like she had seen before; any deeper and her irises would have disappeared altogether.
"Beautiful," she whispered, taking her place straddling the blonde's waist. She lowered her mouth to Emma's breast and took the nipple gently in between her teeth. Emma hissed and grabbed Regina's hair, the wetness between her legs starting to seep out onto her thighs.
"Please, Regina," she whispered.
Regina ignored her pleas and switched her attention to the other breast, reaching a hand up to knead the one her mouth had just abandoned. Emma closed her eyes against the assault on her senses and desperately began to clench her core to try and contain her arousal.
Regina's eyes drifted upwards to watch her lover's expression and was gratified to see her eyes had closed since she had turned over and the exquisite pleasure she was experiencing was showing clearly on her face.
She moved from Emma's breasts to repeat the treatment she had placed on her back. Running her hands downward, placing soft kisses as she went, she pushed the legs that Emma had desperately tried to clench together open and settled herself comfortably between them. Lowering one finger, she ran it through the slit, feeling it instantly coat with Emma's arousal, and used the finger to slowly circle her clit. A loud groan escaped the blonde, and despite herself, Regina felt a touch of smugness as she listened to it.
"Tell me how you want me, Emma. Tonight is about your pleasure. What do you want me to do?"
"Your mouth," Emma replied instantly. "I want to feel your mouth on me. Is that ok?"
"Excellent choice, dear. I do so love the taste of you."
Regina began by lapping up the liquid that had seeped out from in between Emma's legs before sweeping her tongue down her slit. She pushed her tongue into Emma's folds, licking the arousal that drenched Emma's clit. Emma groaned again.
"Please Regina," she begged. "I can't take much more of this."
"Oh, I believe you can, dear. I'm not quite done with you."
She circled the blonde's clit with her tongue, keeping the touch deliberately light, before finally pressing it against her entrance. Emma's hips began to buck without her even noticing as she pushed herself against Regina's tongue.
"Oh god," she bit out. "That feels so good."
Regina pushed her mouth further in and raised a finger to coat Emma's clit with some of the liquid that was pooled there. She put just the right amount of pressure on her and instantly felt the rush of wetness coat the tongue that was still inside of Emma.
"Oh my god, Regina! Don't stop, don't stop, please!"
Regina couldn't answer but she also couldn't stop the chuckle from escaping her lips and it was as though that rush of air that exited her pushed Emma right over the edge. She gripped Regina's tightly and screamed her name as she bucked her hips hard and came against Regina's mouth. Regina pushed down hard on Emma's clit until she felt the shaking stop and the breathing become less erratic.
When Emma came down fully from her high, she saw Regina had crawled out from between her legs, lips still glistening with Emma's arousal. She lay down beside Emma and pulled her into her arms.
"Don't you want me to return the favor?"
"Not tonight. Tonight is all about you."
"I love you, Regina."
"I love you too, silly girl. And I am not going anywhere. I promise."
Mal's eyes widened at the glistening in Regina's eyes. Regina hated crying.
"What is it?"
"Nothing. I was just remembering the last time Emma and I made love."
Mal took in her friend's face, the anguish in her eyes, the tear that was slowly rolling down her cheek.
"Regina," she said firmly. "It's time for you tell me what happened."
Mary Margaret listened as Emma described the fight that she and Regina had earlier that morning.
"Why did you two break up in the first place?"
Emma jumped to her feet and began pacing around Mary Margaret's office. Her hands twisted nervously and she could not keep her eyes in one spot.
"Emma, the door is right there. It's not going anywhere. You aren't trapped here, leave whenever you need to."
Amazed again at the other woman's insight, Emma sat down o the sofa and began to cross and uncross her legs. "I can't tell you," she whispered.
"And that's ok, Emma. But whatever happened, it clearly hurt you deeply. Sweetie, if you are not going to talk to me and you are not going to talk to Regina, don't you think you need to talk to someone?"
Emma scrunched her face up in displeasure. "You mean, like a therapist?"
"Is that idea so crazy?"
Emma didn't reply at first, and when she spoke, her voice sounded harsh and angry.
"Leo," she bit out, her mouth virtually spitting the word out by force.
Mary Margaret's heart sank. "Tell me," she said. "I'm listening."
May 5th, 2005
Emma could hear the door open as she turned off the shower. Regina was home early.
"Babe?" she called out. "I'll be out in a minute."
Intent as she was on brushing her hair out in front of the mirror, she didn't see Leo come up behind her until it was too late. Her eyes widened in terror as he grabbed her and put his hand over the mouth. He yanked her to face him and she could smell the whiskey on his breath.
"Regina is mine," he hissed, pulling the towel from around her. Instinctively her hands rose to cover herself as best as she could as pleaded with her eyes for him to stop. Ignoring her, he opened the shower door and pushed her back inside. Terrified, she stumbled to the shower floor.
"Please don't do this, Leo," she begged. "I won't tell Regina, I won't tell anyone, I promise. Just leave me alone."
Her begging seemed to infuriate him and he raised a hand to smack her. Her head banged against the wall and though she could see blood trickling down the side of her face, her mind could not register it. Leo stood over her, leering.
"I can see the appeal," he sneered. "Too manly for my taste, but I guess Regina likes 'em like that."
He bent closer to her, his hot breath inches from her face. She struggled to stand up, but he just shoved her back down to the ground with his foot.
"I'm going to fuck the dyke right out of you," he snarled. "For as long as it takes for you appreciate it."
Emma wanted to fight, to kick him or scream, but her body was frozen as she lay huddled on the shower floor, shaking.
"But before I do that," he continued, "I'm gonna give you something I know you'll like. All you fucking dykes like this."
With those words, he bent down, pulled her legs apart and shoved two fingers inside of her. Emma cried out in pain as he pushed the fingers in as far as they would go.
"Please, please, no! Please stop, you're hurting me!" she screamed.
"Oh, you don't like that? Maybe there's hope for you, after all. Maybe your body knows it's dick you really want."
Her heart froze in fear. She wanted to beg, but her mouth wouldn't form the words. Her eyes watched him pull his pants down, but her mind traveled back to the day she met Regina and changed her tire.
Leo yanked her to her feet and pushed her face up against the wall. He bent her over roughly and pushed himself into her from behind.
The pain was almost unbearable and Emma could not help crying out. He took the noise for excitement, or perhaps he didn't care at all what the cry represented. There was no way to know. Disgustingly, he tried to kiss her neck as he pumped inside of her, one hand reaching around to squeeze a breast.
The urge to fight left her altogether and she allowed her mind to return to the places that warmed her.
Regina, offering to buy her dinner the first day they met.
Regina, shy and scared the day they shared their first kiss in the park.
Regina, singing a love song to a crowd at a night club, her eyes trained on Emma, making sure she knew exactly who the song was for.
Regina laying on a blanket under the stars, whispering words of love
When he came inside her, she vomited, and he shoved her back down in disgust. He pulled his pants back up and left without a word.
Emma lay on the shower floor for hours, crying before crawling out and getting dressed in the first pair of clothes she found. She grabbed her cell phone and read a text that had come through while she was in the bathroom. Her recording session was taking longer than she anticipated, and she wasn't sure when she would be home. She lay on their bed waiting, but Regina never came home that night.
When Emma finished her tale, she was crying so hard, she could barely get the words out. Mary Margaret just held her and rocked her. Calming at last, Emma pulled away.
"Did you tell anyone?" Mary Margaret asked.
"Yes, I told Regina the next day."
"What happened?"
Emma couldn't answer. The betrayal she felt back then hit her hard, and she started crying again.
"Emma, did she not believe you?"
"I don't know! I don't know. I needed her to hold me, to tell me it was going to be ok, that we would get through this, but she just stared at me, looking so confused. Like she couldn't understand what I was saying. I couldn't take it and I ran."
Mal did not even try to conceal the horror on her face when Regina finished her story.
"What did you say to her when she told you?
"I couldn't say anything! I didn't know what to say. What to do. I just stared at her like an idiot."
Mal nodded, the pieces beginning to fall into place.
"She looked so betrayed, like she thought I didn't believe her. But I did believe her, Mal! I did!" she cried, the tears now running freely down her face. "I just froze and before I knew it, she ran out the door. By the time I was able to move to follow her, she was gone."
"Then what happened?"
"I spent all night and the whole next day looking for her. When I got home, her stuff was gone. Her phone was disconnected. I never saw her again, until 2 days ago. To this day, I have no idea where she went that night."
"But I don't understand how you ended up married to Leo."
"I was so lost, and my mother swooped in and took charge. Leo proposed to me in front of her and I didn't say anything. She accepted on my behalf. All I wanted to do was run away, but I didn't know where to go. It was like I was gone, and someone else was living in my place."
"You need to talk to her, Regina. You owe her that much. More importantly, you owe it to yourself, so you can start to forgive yourself."
"I married her rapist, Mal. I will never forgive myself. Truthfully, I'm amazed she spoke to me at all these last 2 days."
Mal had no answer to that, so instead she put her arms around Regina as she cried.
"It's going to be ok. We're going to get through this," she whispered.
Regina cried until exhaustion took over and she fell asleep, Mal sitting by her side, holding her hand.
"Rest, Regina," she whispered. "When you wake up, we will find a way to fix this."
A/N
Mal and Mary Margaret support Regina and Emma as they recall the events that led to their breakup. In the past, Regina vows to put Emma first and they make love, not knowing it will be their last time. 2 days later, Leo breaks in and rapes Emma in the apartment. Regina does not react the way Emma needed her to and Emma ran, never returning home.