Chapter ten: Hot & cold

Eyes narrowed, Alicia was holding Patrick's gaze. She wouldn't be the first to back down. No, she had to be faster. Staring into those large eyes was hypnotizing, but nothing Alicia couldn't handle. Quick as a wink, Alicia darted forward and grabbed the bag. Patrick was not much slower than her, reaching out for the bag with his sharp nails. But Alicia was quick enough to grasp the bag out of his reach. Then the chain pulled him back.

'Ha! No more treats for you Patrick! That is what you get for flying into my hair and making me spoil the food!' she said excitedly to the tawny owl.

'Alicia stop talking to the owls,' her colleague told her. 'Go behind the counter, I have to take care of some things in the back.'

'Aye captain,' Alicia said jokingly. All her colleagues knew Alicia was highly overqualified to work with owls, but they enjoyed her enthusiasm and weird way of dealing with the creatures. For the others the owls were a product to sell. For her they were much more.

Alicia was behind the counter, writing down a list of supplies that were low on stock. The bell at the door jingled and in came a woman.

'Good afternoon, how can I help you?' Alicia asked with her pleasant customer-voice.

The woman looked in a hurry. She plopped a bag onto the counter and kept looking out the window, like she couldn't wait to be out of there. 'I need an owl,' she proclaimed, not looking Alicia in the eye.

'Excellent. Do you have a preference of breed? Is the owl a gift or…'

'Just whatever is fast in delivering messages,' she said while holding her hand up to stop Alicia talking.

She took a good look at this woman. At first glance she looked to be in her fifties, her pale blonde hair greying in tufts. She had big bags under her eyes and a haunted, unnerving look. When Alicia concentrated, she noticed she was actually younger, but something had taken a heavy toll on this woman. Nevertheless she carried herself importantly and her clothes looked expensive. There was a twitch in her jaw muscle and it suddenly seemed mildly familiar. Nevertheless she couldn't figure out who this was.

Alicia went into the store and placed a brown owl carefully in a cage. She also added some food and a nice leather strap to hold letters in. The woman looked at the owl like she already regretted buying it.

'Here you go. Brown owls are the quickest of the lot. He will deliver your messages in record time. Is there anything else?' Alicia said with a smile. Alicia made a sport out of being overly nice to rude customers. She hoped that maybe it would make a difference for the life of the creature she was selling. However it looked like this woman would never take care of the pet herself. She probably had staff for that.

She quickly paid and had to pick up the cage, what seemed to pain her. She made an unhappy sound and was out of the shop before Alicia could say: 'Have a nice day!'

Alicia looked out into the street, where the woman was hurrying away as quick as she could. She smiled. That was probably her best sell of the day.

Only with a password was it possible to travel by floo powder to the fireplace at Grimmauld Place. Alicia stepped out of the green flames and into the familiar living room, Charles the dog hot on her heels.

'Hello again,' she greeted Sirius who was welcoming everyone for the next meeting. He was dressed in a velvet maroon coat with matching dark shirt and trousers underneath. His dark hair was reaching to his shoulders and it looked thick and lush, much better than the ragged look he sported in Azkaban. Seeing this gentlemen, it was hard to imagine him ever spending time in prison.

He greeted her with a hug. 'Hello dear. Please find yourself a good seat…what is this?'

Alicia had shoved a letter with an intricate black seal on top in his face. The seal was broken. She wiggled her eyebrows. 'Just something everyone might like to know,' she said mysteriously.

Sirius seemed intrigued. He reached for the letter but Alicia pulled it out of his reach. 'You'll hear about it soon enough.' Then she walked away, leaving Sirius partly annoyed partly amused.

Alicia sat with Charlie and Bill. Before long it looked like most people were present, but there were still seven or eight core members missing. Among them Remus.

'Were is the rest?' Alicia asked the two Weasleys who flanked her.

'Harry is coming here today. We talked about that last meeting, remember?' Charlie said excitedly. 'Finally. I've been on guarding duty last week to watch over him with those muggles. He looked deeply unhappy there. I hope things will get better once he gets here.'

Alicia doubted it. Sure, it would be temporary relief to be away from his abusive aunt and uncle, but Harry was not the same anymore. The kid had seen someone die. Alicia wondered if he would ever be his cheery, sarcastic self again.

Dumbledore had yet to arrive, but some people were already talking about Order business.

'I wonder if they have meetings like us. The Death Eaters. Wouldn't it be great to get some intel on that? Severus have you heard of anything?' A wizard whose name Alicia couldn't remember was asking. When Snape was asked the question, the room went quiet.

'No such things yet. First they are recruiting,' he said slowly.

'Maybe no big gatherings. But there are small ones, amongst the most loyal families.'

Everyone, even Snape, looked up at Alicia. His eyes were big and dangerous. How dare anyone know more than him, right? Alicia held up the letter again and shoved it over the table towards Snape. He picked it up carefully and read it. His expression went from annoyed to mad.

'How have you confiscated a letter from Narcissa Malfoy?' he asked, sounding more emotional than she heard him in a long time.

More people were eying her. Right at that moment Albus Dumbledore appeared in the fireplace.

'How wonderful to see all of you again. I'm afraid I don't have much time tonight. We need a compact summary of the last activities and a plan for coming events,' Dumbledore said before he even got in his chair. Snape passed the letter to him. He pushed his half-moon spectacles back on his nose and read the letter quickly. In it, Narcissa was writing to the Lestrange family to ask for a meeting next Thursday. Dumbledore looked up.

'Who intercepted this message?' he asked.

Alicia raised her hand. 'Oh and nobody knows. I made a copy. The Lestranges have the original. No reason to suspect we have this information.'

Now people were even more excited. 'How did you catch it?' someone asked.

'I would like to know that too,' Dumbledore said calmly.

Alicia shrugged. 'I sell owls now. It's not that hard to make them loyal to you before you sell them. It is even easier when the new owner doesn't bother with treats.'

The room was quiet for a good minute, before Sirius started laughing. Charlie joined in and Dumbledore looked amused too.

'Good one Fata foc,' Charlie said while clapping her on the back.

'We can always trust you to come up with new clever ways to use animals, right?' Sirius added. A good portion of the crowd seemed impressed too.

Charles barked once and she shushed him with a pat on the head. Dumbledore was giving her an important look. 'Yes, very resourceful indeed. A skill we can use well. Thank you for this Alicia.'

His eyes had a way of looking past your face and into your soul. She couldn't stand it for very long. Now a thought formed in her mind. Was that a good idea? Or did I just gain his interest in a very wrong way? What will he plan to use me for? Surely he expects more than the owl trick and the gathered information from the pub.

There was a commotion in the hallway. Behind the closed door everyone could hear shushed voices. Moments later the door swung open and in came all the missing members, like Moody, Tonks, Shacklebolt and Remus Lupin. Alicia was twisted in her seat to look down the hallway, and saw a figure standing there. A figure with black hair and round glasses. He had a moment to look inside before the door was closed.

'Harry came over safe,' Remus told the group. He walked around the table and found a spot next to Sirius. He gave Alicia a quick glance and winked.

'What did we miss?' Moody grumbled as he forced Charlie out of his seat next to the door.

'Just Alicia showing off how brilliant she is,' Charlie said with an amused look. He found a place a couple of seats over.

'No surprise there,' Remus said with a snicker. A lot of people looked up at this, wondering how these two went from nuclear to joking in a month. Alicia smiled back, not giving a shit about the other people in the room. Remus looked so proud in that moment, and it warmed her heart.

Dumbledore took the floor again and talked about new developments. He thanked a couple of members for their input. Alicia was on and off listening. She was partially distracted by Remus who kept glancing at her. Every time she looked over she caught him staring. The other distracting thought was Harry, who was upstairs just now. Harry probably wanted to know what was going on, and he probably ached to see Sirius again.

Speaking of which, Sirius didn't seem quite the same. Despite his effort to look groomed he had a dark expression on his face. Like a dementor had sucked out a part of his soul. After a moment of wondering, Alicia thought it was probably this house. This house was almost as terrible to him as Azkaban had been. So far he had been joking about his depression, but at some point he couldn't pretend anymore. Alicia decided to stay for tonight to help out with all the personal problems in this house…and that should probably include hers.

Dumbledores parting words were that is was good for all of them to find a duelling partner and practice defensive spells. Sooner or later that would safe one's life, he stated.

When the meeting was over the usual people left quickly and some lingered to speak. Alicia went in search of Arthur and asked if there was a room left for her to take for the night. He welcomed her gladly and asked if she could help with his newly acquired muggle radio. Alicia said she would.

Before most of the Order members were gone, the room filled up even more with the younger Weasleys. Fred and George popped in the room, giving their mom a fright. But they helped to set the table. Ginny walked in to talk to Tonks and soon the three friends, Ron, Hermione and Harry walked in too.

Alicia cut the conversation with an excited witch short to get to Harry. He had already gone around to greet everyone he knew, when Alicia appeared next to him. He looked over and she saw exactly what she had feared: Harry was holding back anger. He was not displeased to see her, but he just didn't care as much as he had last year, when she found them in the woods. He was not the same boy anymore.

'Hey Harry,' she said calmly.

Despite all that, he did manage a smile. 'Hey Nessie. I heard you were here now. Don't you miss the dragons?' This slightly sarcastic remark – because Harry did definitely not miss the Hungarian Horntail – meant a lot to her. She laughed loudly.

'Merlin's beard yes I do! Working with owls is really a drag compared to dragons. But I suppose in the end it is worth it,' she looked at him, and then cast a quick glance in the direction of a specific man that was helping to set the table.

'Well, it's good to see you,' Harry stated before he moved on. Alicia didn't miss the fact that he hadn't hugged her. Maybe he had reached that age where hugging was stupid and for girls, or maybe he just wasn't feeling like hugging would do anything. Alicia sighed and found herself a place at the table.

Harry was sitting close to Sirius, who had Crookshanks on his lap and looked glumly in the distance. He was complaining about being stuck in this house like Alicia had expected. In that moment, as conversation continued, Alicia felt once more like a side character to someone else's story. Whenever Harry entered a room it felt like nothing was important anymore. She decided not to interfere in his conversation and looked around who else was there to talk with.

As she looked up at the end of the table, she saw a funny scenario. Tonks was talking to Remus, and Remus looked deeply uncomfortable. He was scratching the back of his neck and there was a blush visible on his cheeks. Tonks didn't seem too fazed by whatever the topic was. In the end she shrugged and walked away. Remus took a moment to compose himself. He looked around and noticed Alicia. He blushed even deeper but decided to sit next to her anyway.

'What got you to look like a tomato?' Alicia joked.

He cleared his throat softly and wasn't looking at her. 'Tonks asked to be my duelling partner.'

Alicia remembered Dumbledore's suggestion, but didn't really get why he was so unnerved. 'So?'

Now he did look up, the blush slightly fading. 'Well…it would mean to spend a lot of time together, practicing. And I just think…Tonks is not the right person for that.'

She crossed her arms. 'Is that because she is clumsy? Remus I expected more from you. That is mean.'

Now he laughed. 'You really can be thick sometimes.'

'Excuse you?!' she exclaimed, wondering why he was insulting her too now.

He shushed her a bit, trying not to make a scene. 'Alicia, I said no to Tonks because I was hoping you wanted to be my duelling partner.'

The logic of it slapped her in the face at once. Now it was her time to blush, finally understanding what was going on. 'Oh.'

'Yeah,' he said nervously. 'But I won't rush you. Take your time.'

Alicia realised he was being very careful. He meant that in more ways than one, that he wasn't rushing her. He realised his chances were possible, but easily broken. And in that moment Alicia realised it was the other way around too. Remus his patience would wear out one day, and then she would be out of chances. Their situation required finesse and kind words. No more yelling.

'I will think about it,' she said finally, but in a way that sounded hopeful. Remus smiled and they dropped the subject.

What do you want? She asked herself. It was still a fuzzy picture, but it was getting clearer. Whatever situation she was in now, it was better than a month ago. She felt happier. Because she was on good terms with Remus, they weren't arguing anymore. They were learning to understand each other. And that felt good.

She looked over at the man next to her and had a faint urge to hold his hand under the table.

Dinner had given Alicia a headache. Lots of important conversations had been held, mostly involving Harry. He needed to be up to date on many events that had happened. Sirius happily told him everything, but Molly tried to keep him out of the Order business. Their constant arguing was understandable, but it was the reason Alicia felt like her skull would split.

She had wandered up the stairs when a door opened in the hall above. In the room were Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. They were sitting around, with Hermione at the door.

'Oh! Hi Alicia,' Hermione said hesitantly.

'Hey,' she greeted back with her hand to her forehead. 'Hermione, you don't happen to have a potion for headaches, do you?'

'Uhm, yeah I do.'

Alicia waited. 'Well can I come in?'

She seemed to consider saying no. 'Okay.'

At this point Alicia was clueless as to her behaviour, but it didn't really matter. All she needed was that potion.

'Hi Alicia,' Ginny greeted her a lot friendlier than Hermione had done.

She waved to all of them and sat down on the bed next to Harry. Hermione was looking around in her trunk, already neatly packed for school. Which was still a month away.

'Not interrupting anything, am I?' Alicia asked, looking around the room.

Ron shrugged. 'We were just making sure Harry knows everything we do.'

'So is your head as ready to burst as mine?' Alicia joked to the boy with the messy black hair. Harry smiled faintly. 'I'd rather hear it all now than find out much later than the rest. Like per usual.'

Hermione had found the potion and presented it to the older witch. 'Here. Just one sip should be enough.' The potion was cold and a bit gooey but she drank it anyway. With a big gulp she swallowed enough and handed the bottle back. For a moment it felt like she would throw up, but it stayed down. Within seconds she felt the ache fade away.

'Ahhh. That is much better. Thank you for AUCH!'

In her newfound ease, Alicia had decided to lean back against the headboard. However she had missed that Crookshanks was lying there. The cat hissed and lashed out at Alicia's lower back. Then he jumped off the bed and ran to Hermione.

'Don't sit on my cat!' Hermione said accusingly.

'I wasn't even touching him yet! He just decided to attack!'

'Seems like Crookshanks holds a grunge against you then,' Harry joked.

Alicia tugged on the sleeve of her shirt as she mumbled: "and he's not the only one apparently." She pulled the shirt over her head, leaving her dressed in the tank top she wore underneath. Right at the moment she had disposed of the shirt she heard a collective intake of breath.

'Bloody hell,' Ron exclaimed.

'There are a lot!' Ginny said, seeming more allured than revolted.

'Merlin's beard, Alicia! You weren't very careful…' Hermione uttered.

Harry just stared. They all were staring at her arms, which weren't usually visible. Alicia didn't like to have that conversation and those stares over and over again, so mostly she wore shirts with long sleeves. The only place where she didn't mind it was the camp in Romania. There however it was better to have fireproof clothes all over your body. So naturally, not a lot of people got to see the silver lines criss-crossing over her skin like a random pattern. Some were long, some short. But all of them pretty faded. One of them wouldn't have caught attention, but all together…

She was quite the freak show.

'Well, working with dragons takes its toll. If you asked Charlie to strip I bet he looks similar. His arms do. Harry, could you take a look at my back and tell me whether I'm bleeding?'

Harry moved to her other side and awkwardly pulled her top up. 'Uhh yeah. You are bleeding. That's a nasty gash.'

Alicia chuckled. 'At least this one will not scar. Hermione do you have…'

Hermione was already back with her face in the trunk, looking for the right salve. With animal claws wounds could always be infected.

'So whenever a dragon even scratches you, it leaves a mark?' Ginny asked, sitting on the edge of the other bed. She leaned as close as she could to Alicia's exposed arm.

'Yep. Only two creatures that leave permanent scars. No healing spell or potion works on them. So what you see really is all the scratches, bruises and cuts you get usually, but these don't heal. Imagine if all your injuries stayed. You would all look like me,' Alicia told them while sitting cross-legged on the bed, Harry behind her, dabbing at the blood with a kerchief.

'Yeah but those are all inflicted by dragons!' Ron said, sounding impressed with her. She hoped this wouldn't spark another crush. She had had enough of those for a lifetime.

Hermione had found a salve and handed it to Harry. After a moment she felt the faint touch of his fingertips to her back. It was quiet for a moment, everyone mesmerized with Alicia's skin.

'I don't think all of them,' Harry suddenly said. He sat very still, concentrating on the wound.

'Sorry?' Alicia asked, not really following him.

'I don't think all of them were inflicted by dragons. The one on your cheek is really different than all of these.'

'Oh now is the time to be observant, is it Harry?' she said annoyed while looking at the floor.

Harry shrugged. 'Maybe. So what is that other creature that leaves permanent scars?' He was done with the wound. Hermione did a quick healing spell and Alicia was all better. She lowered her top and pulled the shirt back on. She turned on the bed so she could see Harry again, who was eying the scar on her cheek.

Before she could say anything, Hermione gasped. Everyone looked at her. Her eyes were big as she stared at Alicia.

'Were you bitten?' she asked, her voice almost a whisper.

'No,' Alicia said darkly. 'Just scratched.'

'By what?' Ginny asked.

Alicia sighed deeply. 'A werewolf.'

Apart from Hermione, the rest didn't expect that. Their eyes were big and unbelieving.

'A were…do you mean Lupin?' Ron asked, not even subtly.

Alicia got up from the bed and paced around. Her arms were crossed, her head hung low. Her stance told them this was not an easy topic.

'Yes. Remus did that. He wounded me.'

'Remus?' Harry asked, a shocked look on his face. 'Why would you call him…'

There was a loud noise just outside the room. It sounded like someone had knocked a stone item to the floor. The boards creaked as someone hurried away.

'Shit,' Alicia whispered as she stormed out of the room.

It was dark in the hallway, and it took her a moment to adjust. Then she saw a figure walking away from her.

'Hey! Don't run off,' she yelled after him.

The figure stopped. Now that her eyes were adjusted, she could see that it was Remus. Of course it was. No such thing as luck in my life, right? He seemed to shake in his place, hands clenched into fists. Finally he turned around. He looked resentful.

'I thought you were over that,' he said while waving his hand in the direction of her face. 'And here you are, telling everyone I did that.'

Alicia took a couple of steps closer. There was a gas lamp on the wall next to them, illuminating one side of both their faces.

With withheld anger, Alicia replied: 'Over it? Is that really how you want to phrase it? Are you telling me to get over the way my face looks?'

His mouth was a straight line, his eyes big in the poorly-lit hallway. 'I mean that you forgave me. We moved on past that point, or so I thought.'

'I am trying, Remus. But for a year I have been on my own. I have done things without your help and anyone who dared to say your name to me ended up regretting it. I have spent a long time being angry with you, and now we are trying to fix that. But it won't happen overnight. It won't happen in a month. Also, I did forgive you for the scar, but I am not going to lie when they ask me about it. How many werewolves does a regular person know, anyway?' Her mouth felt dry after saying so much at once. She licked her lips and looked away.

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. 'You could have stopped at saying it was a werewolf. You could have left the rest open to their interpretation. But the way you said it-'

'In a confined room where I didn't think you were eavesdropping,' Alicia said through gritted teeth.

A loud Bang! Echoed through the house when Remus slammed a fist into the wall. It startled Alicia. Her eyes were big, looking directly at him. She had looked quite similar the day she had received that scar.

'It doesn't seem like you have forgiven me! And if you don't, then why did you lie to me? Why did you say you did? When we were talking in my room last month, I could have taken it if you said you hadn't. But now…now it hurts Alicia!' Remus was getting really worked up. His voice was loud and surely people could hear them.

'And now you want to hurt me, is that it? Is that why you are getting aggressive again? Would you like to add a little line to my face?' she spat at him. At this point she actually shoved him back a little. 'Well too bad. I'm a little stronger now. No longer the pushover student that you wanted. No longer your toy!'

Footsteps were heard coming up the stairs. Remus looked ashamed to hear these words so loud. He wanted to run away, but not before he had put her in her place.

'You were the one that wanted to fuck a teacher. That is the only reason you ever came to me. Because I was your next reckless challenge. I should never have joined in your wicked fantasy.'

Another loud sound could be heard throughout the house. This time it was Alicia's fist colliding with Remus' face. He was knocked back and cradled his nose with his hand. Even in the dimness Alicia could see he was bleeding.

'Screw you!' She shouted before storming off. Her aim was the stairs leading down, but Sirius was standing there to block the way.

'Alicia, please stay,' he said shortly.

She huffed so hard smoke nearly came from her nose. Then she took the stairs up to the room they had prepared for her. Inside, she slammed the door and locked it with strong magic.

No one would come near her.

*Scared whisper* please don't murder me