Chapter 9: Do the Llama Walk

Out in space…

"Wow…this is…big." Sakuzy said, looking out the window.

"And you had your doubts that this thing could FLY." Joyex said, giving Lucy a sarcastic look.

"Hey! Give me a break! In case you haven't noticed I've never been in space before." Lucy pouted, crossed her arms and looked way.

Becca looked out at the space as if in nostalgia

"So, what're we looking for?" Sakuzy asked.

"Any world nearby, really." Joyex said.

"Huh…how about that one?" Sakuzy asked, pointing at a pink world with a chessboard pattern.

"Driver calls it and I'm vetoing it." Joyex said, pointing at a world with a green jungle and a large, gold bust on it, "I pick that one!"

With that, their ship flew to their next destination.

"I wonder what this world will be like." Becca said.

"Let's find out!" Joyex grinned as they were deposited into the world.

POHPOHPOHPOHPOHPOH

"WHAT?! A LLAMA?! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!" Shouted an old woman who'd best be described as 'scary beyond all reason'. She began clawing at her face at the dinner table while the unconscious form of a llama wearing regal clothes laid on the table.

Next to he was this big guy wearing some sort of guard uniform under an apron with oven mitts and rubs the back of his head, perplexed.

"Yeah. Weird." He agreed.

The old woman glared at the big guy and said, "Let me see that vial!"

He handed her a small glass vial that had a small label that seemed to look like a human skull. But when she unfurled it, it made a picture of a rather…distinct animal.

"This isn't poison! This is extract of…" the woman then tossed the vial at her henchman, which bounced off and broke somewhere in the distance, "LLAMA! OH!"

She then began clawing at her face and pounding her head out of sheer frustration.

"You know, in my defense, your poisons all look alike. You might think about relabeling some of them…" the big guy said, referring to his mistake.

"TAKE HIM OUT OF TOWN AND FINISH THE JOB NOW!" The old woman shouted.

"What about dinner?" The big guy asked.

"Kronk," the woman said, annoyed, "This is kind of important."

"What about dessert?"

The woman looked ready to retort, but seemed to catch herself before conceding, "Well, I suppose there's time for dessert…"

"And coffee?" He asked with a big smile.

The woman shrugged, "Oh, alright. A quick cup of coffee." She then shouted, "THEN TAKE HIM OUT OF TOWN AND FINISH THE JOB!"

POHPOHPOHPOHPOHPOH

A massive, golden head appeared. Then, with a sudden trumpet blare...

KuzKingdom

The letters danced around before vanishing.

Deep in the jungle, the four were deposited onto the ground.

"So...this is another world?" Sakuzy asked.

"A-yep." Joyex nodded, "But…outside of Traverse Town? Keep that on a need-to-know basis. Get it? Got it? Good. World border and all."

"Order." Sakuzy said.

"See, you're remembering stuff already." Joyex grinned. Becca rolled her eyes for some reason…that conversation just seemed familiar.

"It sure is gorgeous here!" Lucy said as she knelt down and plucked a flower from the ground, gently putting it behind her ear.

"It is, isn't it?" Becca asked, looking around at the vegetation.

"Exactly! I think you picked a great spot Joyex! If I could I'd kick back and get some sun!" Lucy said as she admired the scenery.

"Okay, so where do we go from here?" Joyex asked.

"…You don't have a plan?" Sakuzy asked.

"You guys have the Keyblades. I'm just a guy with a chain." Joyex said.

There was a sudden twang noise. Sakuzy looked over to see a fly caught in a spider web.

"Help me, help me, help me!" it cried as a spider crawled over and devoured it.

"…Don't take this the wrong way, but that seemed…prophetic." Sakuzy commented.

"Scary jungle, right. Oh, a leaf, ooh it might attack me! Oh, it's a SCARY TREE! I'm afraid!" a voice said in a sing-song manner. A llama with black "hair" going from its head to its neck and red fur across its body walked by, "Please, 'never find my way', I'm the emperor! And, as such, I'm born with an innate sense of direction…okay, where am I again?"

"Did that llama just talk?" Sakuzy asked.

"Guess so." Joyex shrugged.

"I would have to agree. That's a…little strange." Becca said.

"Maybe we should go talk to him? He might be able to help us!" Lucy said.

The llama looked over at the four and asked, "What? Something on my face or-"

"Uh…hi, Mister…Talking Llama." Sakuzy said, "I'm Sakuzy and-"

"Yeah, I don't care. I've gotta get changed back and don't have time for chit-chat." The llama said, walking away.

"He seems nice." Joyex commented.

"A little bit on the rude side…wait, did he say change back?" Becca said

"Sounds like it's his problem, so…" Joyex said.

"Hey!" Sakuzy called as he ran after the llama.

"…Of course." The Nobody murmured.

"He definitely doesn't think with his head, does he?" Becca asked.

Lucy quickly removed the flower from her hair and ran after the llama. "Hey, wait for us!" She called out, quickly running to this side and walking next to him, "Okay, I think we got off on the wrong track, so let's start over! I'm Lucy, and you are?"

"Apparently, she doesn't, either." Joyex commented, "So…only opportunity."

"What? You don't know who I am? I've got a theme song guy! I'd snap for him, but…" the llama clacked his hooves together.

"Uh…we're from…really, really far away and news of this land hasn't reached us." Sakuzy said.

"Well, must be PRETTY far away to not know about the one and only king of the world." The llama said, "The name's Kuzco, EMPEROR Kuzco."

"You, an Emperor?" Becca snickered.

"Yeah, wasn't always a llama! Some peasant did this to me! I was a rich, powerful ball of charisma! Oh yeah! I was the world's nicest guy and then he ruined my life for no reason!" Kuzco said.

"…O-kay." Sakuzy said, thinking that, whoever Kuzco was talking about, probably did have a reason for it. Becca got a look on her face that basically said, 'You're feeding us BS, aren't ya?'.

"Um, okay…" Lucy said with a weirded out expression. "And where exactly are you heading, Emperor Kuzco? Maybe we can help you!"

"I'm trying to head back to the palace. My adviser, Yzma has her…'secret lab'…" Kuzco said, making air-quotes with his hooves, "So, I'm just going there to snap my fingers and order her to change me back."

"Hey…how about we help?" Sakuzy asked, "I think we've got a better sense of direction and...well, maybe you could help us. We're looking for something called the Keyhole…"

"The Keyhole? You're looking for THAT?" Kuzco asked, awestruck before saying, deadpan, "Never heard of it."

"Okay, we'll just go off into the jungle. Probably get there while you wind up the snack for some predator." Joyex said. He then murmured to the other three, "Play along."

Sakuzy nodded, "Yeah, if he thinks he can survive without us…"

"Plus, who knows what dangerous things hide in the darkness?" Becca said.

"Oh yeah, there's snakes, spiders, quicksand…" Lucy said, counting everything she said on her fingers. "You wouldn't last a minute, but hey! He's the emperor, he knows where he's going. Maybe we should just turn tail and go home!"

"Oh please, that's JUST what that peasant—"

Kuzco's scoff was cut off by a flurry of darkness. Ten Heartless appeared—the monkey-like Power Wilds. Hopping from side-to-side while spinning their arms. The llama-emperor screamed as he bolted.

"How about we show him what we can do, instead?" Sakuzy asked, summoning his Keyblade.

"Sounds beautiful." Joyex grinned, flicking out his whip chain.

"Bring it!" Becca said summoning her Keyblade.

"You don't have to twist my arm!" Lucy said, making her sword appear.

One of the Heartless pounced, Sakuzy charging. He slammed his Keyblade into it, but got back-handed away.

Joyex jumped away from one, catching onto a tree-branch with his whip. He swung himself around and quickly kicked one away before thrashing his chain around to smack into another one of the simian-shaped Heartless. Becca slashed some sending an ice spell at one, freezing it.

"I got this!" Lucy called out as she sliced into the frozen Heartless monkey, causing it to disappear and a bright pink heart to fly into the air. Suddenly, another Power Wild snuck up behind Lucy and leaped into the air slashing it's claws.

The Heartless managed to slash her right across the back.

"Yow! That hurt!" Lucy shrieked.

"JOYEX!" Sakuzy shouted.

"Right on!" Joyex said, giving the thumbs'-up as he backflipped over to his friend.

Joyex lashed out with his whip, grabbing a Power Wild and flinging it at Sakuzy, who knocked it away. Joyex grabbed it again brought it smashing into Sakuzy's Keyblade, making it disappear.

"Let's do it!" Sakuzy said.

"Only if ya can keep up!" Joyex grinned.

The two then charged forward, Sakuzy spinning his Keyblade as Joyex lashed his whip. The two running straight through, destroying three of the Heartless.*

Lucy quickly recovered and slashed another Powerwild, smacking another one standing right next to it and sending it flying backwards! Becca threw her keyblade at one heartless like a boomerang.

"How'd you do that?" Sakuzy asked, looking at Becca's move. For some reason, 'Strike Raid' came into his mind.

"I don't know it just came to me" Becca said.

"And how did we-?"

"I think it's called a Limit." Joyex said, snagging another Power Wild and hurling it at Lucy, "If ya feel the need, DO IT."

"Hah!" Lucy called out as she performed a vicious forward slash and smacked the Power Wild with her sword, slicing it in half and causing it to vanish.

With the Heartless gone, Kuzco tentatively peeked out from behind a tree.

"Don't worry, it's safe to come out now." Sakuzy called.

"Good, good…sorry, not really the warrior king type. More of the 'get in touch with your bad self' king." Kuzco said.

"Y'know, we might run into more of those things." Joyex pointed out.

"Right, right, so I wanna get back to the palace, you can fight those things, so…how about you be my royal entourage?" Kuzco asked, "Take me back to the palace, keep those things off my back, I help you with the Keyhole thingamajig you wanna find. Sounds like a win-win, wouldn't ya say?"

"That sounds like a plan! Let's get going!" Lucy added in.

"As long as you behave…" Becca said.

There was a growling noise as darkness flurried around, forming into more Heartless. These ones were larger, more feline. Jet black with razor-sharp claws and pronounced teeth.

"More of 'em, eh?" Sakuzy asked, "Well, what's the—"

With a loud scream, Kuzco bolted. Joyex followed right behind him, carrying Sakuzy right behind him with a loud, "RUN!"

…In his defense, there were a lot more of the Jaguars than there were Power Wilds.

Becca followed grabbing Lucy's hand following after the boys.

"Hold the elevator!" Becca called.

"Wha!" Lucy shrieked in surprise as Becca snatched her away. She nearly stumbled to the ground but quickly recovered and regained her posture.

POHPOHPOHPOHPOHPOH

Meanwhile…

A ship made of pure crystal flew through the cosmos. With the voices of Emerald and Amber…somehow permeating the vacuum of space.

"'You can handle this', he says. Tch, we could totally handle this spiky-haired goof without him, right Amboo? We had him right where we wanted him! He just—he cheated, he totally cheated, doesn't count, hence why we're not getting sharded!" Emerald complained.

"Oh yeah, totally, Emmy! I really shouldn't even get blamed! I mean, I got stuck with that complete loon the whole time!" Amber agreed.

The ship bucked slightly as a small explosion went off somewhere on the interior.

"…Please tell me that wasn't the bri-"

"Hello." Yozora's voice greeted casually.

"WHA- NU- H-HOW-?!"

"Oh we are so shattered…" Amber said as the ship began to buck more.

SHINK!

"Uh oh." Yozora squeaked, meekly.

"What did you just DO?!" Emerald howled in horror.

The ship froze. A glowing, pale-blue line stretched across its entire surface area. The trail of a sword slash.

"What's going to happen?" Amber squeaked.

The ship then split in two before exploding, expelling the three onto the nearby, jungle-covered world below.

Yozora hastily pinched his nose, eyes bulging with panic upon realising he was currently being pushed straight towards a jungle-covered world. With his other hand, he hastily conjured his katana. He had to work fast or be burned up on atmospheric reentry, and he DID NOT want to crash-land, crispy-fried, after JUST escaping his captors! He pulled back…and THREW.

And, to his immense relief, the weapon indeed rocketed downwards, carried by the momentum, straight towards the world's stratosphere.

POHPOHPOHPOHPOHPOH

A high-pitched scream came from the llama emperor as the group ran through the thick foliage. With the horde of Jaguar Heartless hot on their heels.

"How long have we been running?!" Becca asked still pulling Lucy.

"I dunno, I left my watch back home!" Lucy said as Becca clung tightly to her hand. The redheaded girl looked ahead and saw a thick tree branch coming their way, "Look out, low bridge!"

"TALK WHEN CATS NOT CHASING!" Joyex shouted, ducking.

"ON HIS SIDE!" Sakuzy nodded, running as fast as he could, following suit.

Kuzco suddenly caught on the low-hanging branch, spinning around and knocking each of the adventurers off their feet before flying after them. The five wound up on a ledge over a huge chasm. The Jaguars began to approach, growling and twitching as they began to approach.

"So…" Sakuzy said, summoning his Keyblade, "What're the chances of us surviving this?"

"If there was, like, I dunno ten percent of this? We'd be okay." Joyex said, grimly, as he lashed his whip, "As it stands…"

Becca summoned her own Keyblade, ready to make her last stand. Lucy drew her sword and gulped nervously, but shook it away and glared at the Heartless. If this was the end of the road, all four were prepared to go down swinging.

There was then a hollering in the distance. Sakuzy looked over to see a large man wearing a green poncho, swinging over on a vine…

Only to miss them by a foot.

"Well, that happened." Joyex commented.

"Agreed." Becca nodded.

After the moment of confusion passed, the Jaguars began to advance…

Only for the man to swing back, grabbing onto Kuzco. Joyex, seeing an opening, grabbed onto his back. Sakuzy grabbed onto Joyex's waist as the two were taken off. Becca grabbed onto Lucy putting her on her back as she grabbed on the vine as well.

"Yaaah!" Lucy shrieked as she clung to Becca's back, wrapping her legs around her waist.

Twinkle.

Farther up…

A speeding katana, ABLAZE with the heat of atmospheric reentry, shot through the sky like a shooting star. Moments later, a flash of vibrant, blue light trailed after it like a bolt from the blue—Yozora reemerging from the space-time tunnel through which he warped, and grabbed it hastily. "Ah! Ah hothothothot, let that one fall too long!" He pulled back and threw it again, disappearing in another flash, reappearing a few dozen feet further, catching the blade and throwing it once more-

…Only, this time, the blue sparks briefly appeared around his form before fizzling out.

"WHA-?! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Perfect time to run out of magic.

Meanwhile, back below, the four still flew through the air, holding onto their plus-sized savior.

"Don't worry, your highness, I gotcha!" the man said, "Uh…who're you guys?"

"Joyex."

"Sakuzy."

"Becca and the girl clinging to me is Lucy" Becca said.

"—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—!"

Too late. Suddenly, the wildly spinning and flailing figure of Yozora SMASHED into the party.

The impact sent the vine off course, flinging it into a large, overhanging log. It span around, until all people involved were thoroughly tied to the log.

"Maybe I'm new to this whole 'rescuing' thing, but this, to me, seems like a bit of a step BACKWARDS." Kuzco said, flatly.

"Yeah…wait what's your name?" Joyex asked.

"Pacha." Their "rescuer" said.

"Pacha, hi. I'm siding with the llama on this." Joyex said, flatly.

Sakuzy, meanwhile, regained enough of his senses to realize who had knocked them off course so thoroughly.

"Hey, it's you! Uh…" he began snapping his fingers, "That guy from Traverse Town, uh…what's your name again?"

"Oh, hey! Kooz!" Yozora greeted, "Y'know, when you said 'we should hang out sometime'? Didn't think it'd be this soon. Or…this literal. Oh, it's Yozora, by the way!"

"That's what I was thinking." Sakuzy said with a nervous chuckle, "Sorry, sometimes, you just gotta laugh at peril."

Becca began to heard cracking.

"Uh guys…?" Becca said.

"Don't. Move. A muscle." Joyex said out of the corner of his mouth.

"C'mon, guys, relax, we're fine! We'll be absolutely FINE," Yozora insisted, with a nod of the head.

There was an ominous crack…

"Shut up…shut up…" Joyex murmured.

"Don't say anything…" Yozora hastily said, eyes shrinking at the realization. Becca shut her eyes waiting for the inevitable.

"D-don't worry Becca! Everything's gonna be alright!" Lucy said, trying to reassure not just Becca but everyone else to no avail. Right at that moment, the log snapped away from the cliff and slowly started to fall from the cliffside.

"I hate you." Was all Kuzco said before the log fell.

The seven screamed in terror as the log knocked against the mountainside before hitting the water with a SPLASH.

It quickly rose up as they began panting.

"I dunno about you...but I'm all funned-out." Joyex murmured.

Pacha, who slowly rotated to the front, suddenly let out a meek, "Uh oh…"

"Don't tell me," Kuzco said, "We're about to go over a HUGE waterfall."

"Yep." Pacha nodded.

"Sharp rocks at the bottom?" Sakuzy asked.

"Most likely."

"Chances of survival?" Joyex asked.

Lucy gulped and tried her best to steady her breathing, "I'm gonna say very slim…"

Yozora's expression was unreadable. He merely nodded and uttered three defiant words…

"Bring it on."

As they went over the waterfall…

"WHOA!" Becca called

"LIFE'S FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES!" Sakuzy shouted…referring to the…day at most he could remember?

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" Joyex screamed.

"BOO-YA-HA-HA-HA!" Kuzco whooped.

"HERE WE GO AGAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" Yozora screamed as they fell into the thick mist of foam and spray.

The log fell over breaking freeing the group so they could swim up. One by one, each of them popped up.

"How…did we survive that?" Sakuzy asked, staggering onto shore.

"Don't ask me. I just work here." Joyex murmured, dazedly.

Becca came up next to Lucy and Yozora.

"You two okay?" she asked.

Bubble.

Bubble.

Yozora's head burst out of the water…a very large fish flopping and flailing in his mouth. He spat it out with a sharp cough and wheeze, dragging himself up to shore, flopping over onto his back; watching as it swam away.

"That's why I don't…like public pools," he panted, clutching his stomach, "Ya never know…who you're swimming with…PLEASE TELL ME that's the last fall I'm going to have today!"

"I have a feeling that the answer's 'no'." Sakuzy panted as they struggled to the riverbank.

Lucy burst from the water and gasped for air, clutching the shoreline. She coughed violently and held her chest.

"Ugh, is everyone ok?" she asked as she pulled herself out of the water.

"I think so, but where are…" Becca said, looking around for Pacha and Kuzco.

Pacha slowly struggled free, dragging the unconscious form of Kuzco to shore. He dropped the llama emperor on the shore.

"He's dead, let's get moving." Joyex said, flatly.

"Your highness? Your highness do you hear me?" Pacha asked. Getting no response, even after slapping him a few times, he just groaned with a weak, "Why me?"

He opened Kuzco's mouth and leaned over…

But just as their lips nearly touched, Kuzco's eyes sprung open. The two recoiled, spitting and wincing all the while.

"Yeah, he's fine." Sakuzy said.

"I didn't need to see that" Becca muttered, dully.

POHPOHPOHPOHPOHPOH

Hitchhiker Entries:

Kuzco:

The emperor of this world who reigned with apathy, lack of concern, and singer Tom Jones. Then someone turned him into a llama. Given his personality, the list is quite extensive but his advisor probably had something to do with it. Now, he is trying to regain his humanity and imperial position. He first began his groove in The Emperor's New Groove (2000).

Pacha:

The leader of a small peasant village. Kind, humble, moral, dependable, the usual thing one would expect for these kinds of stories. While he objects to Kuzco's plans to demolish his village for his summer home (can't imagine WHY), his sense of morality forces him to help Kuzco. He first appeared in The Emperor's New Groove (2000).

Power Wild:

A monkeylike Heartless known for their physical force and agility. Tend to travel in gangs. Bring a friend. It helps.

Jaguar:

A kind of Heartless that looks like the South American big cat of the same name. They're pack hunters and tend to easily overpower everyone as a result. Yarn will not help you against them, but if it makes you feel better...

* Sakuzy and Joyex perform "Bonded Breaker".