Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I am in no way associated with Stephenie Meyer, any creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.
Some descriptions of characters that previously existed have been altered to fit the vision of this story. If you are interested in viewing the character reference photos, please view my Pinterest Board (/clairebear_04/like-breathing-but-harder/).
A/N (12/14/2020): It pains me to write this but I have to be honest with myself. I strive to write exciting, relatable, and entertaining stories. Each one is like a baby to me and I take a lot of pride in what I've published. But I have two that are taking up a lot of my time as they learn to walk and talk, and I have to align my and my editor's efforts for the best use of our time. Since Take Me Instead and In Vain are gaining popularity, I, unfortunately, have to make the uncomfortable decision to put Like Breathing on hiatus until I get to a point where I can revisit it and dedicate the appropriate time that it deserves. I will leave the published chapters up for the time being, and I apologize deeply to anyone who has followed Quil and Claire to this point. I never intended for these to take off as much as they did, and I can't bring myself to publish empty chapters for the sake of publishing. I appreciate all of your encouragement and hope that you support my active stories in the same way that you have supported LBBH.
Chapter 19: Claire
My body writhed under him; not in fear or pain, but with powerful lust and desire. I could feel his hands wrap around my body, teasing my back with his fingers as he pulled me into his warm embrace.
I wanted more.
Please, I begged. My naked body pressed against his, exciting electricity pulsing between my legs. Please! I cried out.
I felt his lips kiss down my throat urgently as if he needed to taste my skin to breathe.
Quil, I gasped, my back arching. Quil, please!
Suddenly there was a darkness that covered us. I could no longer feel his body warmth or the electricity that surged through me. I clung to the moment, trying to hold on as something pulled me beyond.
No, no, please, Quil, no! I cried in agony as the details slipped away.
The feeling of his body on mine was replaced by the blankets that covered me. Noises rose from downstairs, though I couldn't make out exactly what they were. The air smelled of wood and cotton, thick and homey. My cheek was pressed deep into the pillow while my eyes remained closed. I had been ripped back into consciousness, and I mourned the loss of my sweet dream. I wanted to be back with him, without any rapists or intruders to disrupt me. I wanted Quil back.
But no matter how I tried, I couldn't regain the sensations the same way that they had come to me in sleep. All I was left with were tattered memories, tainted by all of the horrible things that had happened to us.
"Hey," I heard a voice behind me whisper softly. "Are you awake?"
I rolled over, rubbing my eyes to hide the tears that had formed. "Yeah, I'm up."
"Austin has breakfast ready downstairs if you're ready to eat," Ness grinned at me. "Harley has already devoured two cinnamon rolls," she chuckled as she sat down on the bed, scooting closer to me. "Are you ok?"
My chest caved in as my throat stung, causing the tears to flood my eyes again. "I'm not, I'm not ok, Ness," I whispered. I didn't want to draw attention from Austin or Harley.
She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close in her lap. "Shh, it's alright," Ness brushed my hair out of my face as tears streamed down my face.
"I want him back," I sighed softly. "I want Quil back."
"He hasn't gone anywhere," she assured me.
"He's going to be so mad at me! The way I acted, how I left without telling him, for what happened last night—" I shook my head. "I want it all to go back to the way it was before."
"Claire," Ness calmly. "He's not mad at you. And he won't be mad about last night—"
"Shouldn't he be?" I sat up, staring at her with tear-filled eyes. "Wouldn't any normal person be?!"
"What do you mean?" her brown eyes studied my face.
"He's always going to forgive me, Ness. I could commit murder and he would forgive me," I pulled my hair out of my face.
"Of course he would," she nodded. "He loves you no matter what."
"He would because he imprinted on me, Ness, which he didn't even have a say in," I whispered, trying to keep my voice hidden from Harley or Austin. "If he hadn't imprinted on me you really think he wouldn't be mad at me? If things were normal, do you really think it would all be ok!?"
She paused for a long moment, thinking of the right words to say. I hoped that I hadn't offended her, she was an imprint from a young age too. "I'm not going to sugar coat it and tell you it's ok, Claire. I get where you're coming from," her eyes drifted off as if she was returning to thoughts previously locked away. "As easy as it is to go down the dark road of 'what if,' you have to think about what you wouldn't have if he hadn't imprinted on you," she explained.
Before I could respond she reached out with her hand, placing it on the side of my cheek gently.
Warmth flooded my body as my vision was hijacked by the memories she placed in front of me. I watched from afar as Quil helped me build a sandcastle on the beach, protecting my crooked structure from the waves attempting to knock it down. The scene changed to my birthday party when Emily helped us dress Quil up as a princess. As I put the tiara on Quil's head the image was replaced by the memory of my first bonfire with the pack; Quil wrapping his arm around and pulling me close to keep warm from the ocean breeze. Lastly, she showed me the image of Quil kissing me goodbye as he dropped me off for college, his hand resting on the side of my face as his other arm wrapped around my waist.
I blinked rapidly as she removed her hand, the images evaporating with the lack of her touch. A few tears rolled down my cheeks as I blinked, my vision returning.
"No matter if you were imprinted on or if you are regular, no one gets a say in who they love, Claire," she wiped some of the tears away with her thumb. "When you love someone that much, it doesn't matter if it's normal or a freakish, wolf trait."
I let her words sink into my brain, feeling my pulse beat steadily as my chest suddenly lightened.
"Thanks, Ness," I smiled, clutching her hand between mine. For the first time all weekend, I felt that I could truly breathe. That I could go home and see him, without any fear or guilt to weigh me down.
"Promise me you'll be safe?" Harley squeezed me tightly again. "Text me as soon as you make it home alright."
"I promise," I hugged her back, not wanting to let go.
Harley took her turn to hug Ness, thanking her for the millionth time for the party as I inched over to Austin.
"Are you going to meet up with your Dad today?" I asked.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, he'll be out on the water pretty much all day today so I'll just head into town and wait for him there," he grinned. He was so steady, so able to fend for himself. I wondered what that level of independence felt like.
"I never got a chance to thank you," I blushed. "Pretty sure I was too drunk to say it but, thank you, Austin."
"I was just happy that I came at the right time," he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in for a side hug. "You be careful, ok?"
I nodded, squeezing him back. "Keep an eye on her for me, won't you?" I motioned over to Harley.
He smiled and saluted me. "You got it!"
I chuckled and rolled my eyes before passing Harley again who kissed me on the cheek.
"Love you! Thank you again! Be safe!" she yelled after me as I got in the truck.
The ride back to La Push was a much different one than on the way here yesterday. The entire drive I had felt nothing but dread and anger at the people I loved. But now, a brightness filled my body. Like a magnet being pulled to another I felt myself being drawn to La Push; the closer I got, the stronger the pull. At a gas stop, I picked out one of his sweatshirts I had stashed away deep in my duffle bag, pulled it over my bra, and drowned myself in his scent. My skin tingled at the matted cotton, aching for his touch.
It was evening by the time I pulled the truck up to the house, threw it in park, and dashed out of the cab. Jogging up to the front door I paused for a moment, listening for any signs of life behind it. When I didn't hear anything I carefully opened it, cautious not to make it squeak as I slipped inside.
I tiptoed through the living room, hearing the old floorboards creak under my feet as I stepped across the house. A smile crept on my lips as I neared the bedroom door, pushing it slightly open to peek inside. The bed lay empty, the covers were thrown this way and that, clothes cluttered around the base of the hamper.
Where could he be? I asked, looking around the house more frantically now.
After a sweep of the house, I couldn't fight off the feeling of disappointment. The sun had begun to set below the trees, shadows casting large, dark figures through the house. My stomach churned slightly as I pushed away the traumatic thoughts.
The back yard showed no sign of Quil, either. I stood on the back porch, listening for anything; a branch breaking, a howl, the deep sound of a wolf sniffing the air. But nothing.
The smarter half of me said to go back inside and wait for him there. You could unpack, get the laundry done, make something for dinner, my head pleaded.
But where's the fun in that, I smirked as I shoved my hands deep into the sweatshirt pocket, trudging toward the treeline.
The forest at sunset was my favorite time of the day. The golden rays of the sun that broke through the branches began to dim as the light faded away, the whole world around me turning dark shades of purple and blue. The crickets began to chirp playfully as the birds that filled the trees quieted, resting for the night.
I stepped carefully and slowly through the woods, my eyes surveying the land around me. Any time I heard a rustle in the bushes or a flutter of wings from above my eyes would dart in the direction, wishing to see my chocolate wolf bounding toward me.
"Quil?" I called out, relatively soft at first. I relied heavily on his super-wolf hearing, hoping that I wouldn't have to scream too loudly and draw attention to myself.
"Quil, are you out here?" I asked into the woods, praying for a response.
The purples and blue shapes around me started to blur together as the light dimmed. Ok, now you're just being ridiculous, I scoffed at myself.
I sighed longingly, clasping my hands together in the hoodie. "Quil?"
Silence answered me, forcing disappointment to flood my body as I bit the inside of my lip. C'mon you idiot, get back inside before you do something stupid, my head insisted. Deflated, I turned around on my heels and began walking back the way I came.
"Claire," a breeze tickled the back of my neck, sending a jolt down my spine.
I whipped my head around. "Quil?" I asked the darkness around me. "Quil, where are you?"
A low growl replied on the other side and I spun around yet again to see nothing. "Who's there!?"
The source of the growl stepped closer to me, my eyes adjusting as I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. The wolf was smaller, still bigger than me but nothing compared to Jake or Quil. And it wasn't Seth. He was growling and snarling, his hair standing on end as he stepped closer to me. I didn't recognize him from the pack as I put my hands up.
"It's ok, please calm down, I'm sorry," I spoke slowly and calmly, trying to reach whoever was inside the wolf. "I'm Claire, I—"
The wolf snapped its jaws, forcing a yelp out of my throat as I backed away slowly. It lunged toward me, as I fell down to the ground, wrapping my arms around my head. He jumped over me, his growls intensifying. I clamped my eyes shut, burying my face in Quil's sweatshirt, praying for it to end.
A loud roar ripped through the trees, causing my heart to shudder. My head whipped around as a dark brown wolf leapt over the brush and attacked the smaller wolf, rolling onto the ground in a fit of teeth and yelps.
What the fuck is going on!? I shrieked, but apparently not out loud.
A hand grabbed my arm, a scream leaping out of my throat as I recoiled.
"Hey, Claire, it's ok," Jake pulled me up to my feet as I tried to regain balance.
"Jake? Wha—" I was bewildered; my eyes were drawn back to the wolves as they broke apart. My large wolf in a low, protective stance positioned himself between us and the smaller wolf.
"You're ok," Jake reassured me. "Quil! This is a misunderstanding," Jake hollered at him. "He didn't know who she was."
"I'm ok, Quil," I urged him, following Jake's lead.
Quil's growls lowered but he didn't budge from his defensive stance. His hair was standing on end even when the smaller wolf's ears lay back on his head, cowering.
I pulled away from Jacob and walked closer to him, reaching my hand out to touch his shoulder. "Quil," I said again, trying to grab his attention. "I'm ok."
I felt his muscles relax under my touch. After a moment of hesitation, he sat up and turned to look at me, nuzzling my face with his nose. I hadn't even noticed the smaller wolf had disappeared to phase.
"Jacob," the young boy dashed through the trees. He had to be maybe fourteen or fifteen. I was taken aback by how young he was, but it explained why he was so small. "I'm so sorry, I didn't want her to scare him off— I'm so sorry, Claire," he fumbled with his words, clearly shaken by what my imprint had done to him.
"Wait a minute, slow down," Jake raised his hand. "Scare who off?"
"My intruder?" I asked, my heart freezing in my chest.
"Yeah," the boy nodded, staring at me. "He was right behind you, I didn't want you to run into him, I'm sorry I scared you."
Quil released a low growl from his chest.
My veins ran cold. Claire,I had heard him whisper. "You're right," I nodded. "I heard him say my name, I thought it was Quil," I leaned my weight into him more.
"Could you smell him?" Jake asked him.
"No, but he was there," the boy looked just as confused as I was.
"It's ok, we got it from here. Go report to Sam— and next time, call for backup, ok?" Jake sighed, dismissing the boy. He turned away from us, running into the trees and disappearing.
"Quil, you should call it a night," Jake turned his attention to us. "And I think you need to stay out of the woods," he smirked at me.
I sighed heavily, "I think you may be right."
Quil nuzzled me again, his fur tickling my cheek.
"Go," Jake smiled. "We'll meet up tomorrow. We got things out here," he nodded his goodbye before jogging off into the brush.
We were left alone in the same dark, quiet woods once again. Heat flooded my cheeks in embarrassment, "I'm so sorry, Quil. This was my fault, I shouldn't have been out here, I just—"
His huff stopped me as he prodded me with his nose.
"Can we go home?" I asked softly.
I saw the corners of his lips curl upwards in a wolf-grin. My heart warmed, now satisfied as he walked with me through the woods back to our home. I was resolved with waiting until tomorrow for serious things; right now, I just wanted Quil.