Gail and Holly are in a long distance relationship. The current pandemic has made things harder.
Just a quick drabble I wrote, its not betaed. So please be kind :) All mistakes are mine :)
To my beloved fiancée,
I was thinking about sending you this letter for quite some time. Not because I don't want you to have it, but because I don't know what it would do to you once you actually read it. It was actually Ollie who convinced me to send it to you. Going on and on about how life is short and we should appreciate the ones we love. I agree with him, you know? Life is short and if this pandemic has taught me anything it's exactly that.
When the pandemic first started affecting our lives, I started writing notes whenever I couldn't handle my own emotions anymore. The moments were less in the beginning but increased over time. I obviously threw all these notes away, but the thoughts are still in my head.
At first it wasn't bad. I mean we're used to it so when we couldn't meet for a month I didn't flinch, it didn't hurt. Or at least not more than usual. We both went on with our lives, went to work, went to bars, grocery stores and so on. We lived our lives as if nothing were different. In fact, you were busier than usual so we talked less but even that was something we could easily handle.
Same with the second month. The Pandemic had not really hit our countries or the world hard yet. If only we had known what was about to come. I had planned on visiting you in September but still had to wait for my vacation to be approved. We had spent two months apart quite often already. The longing got harder the sleepless nights slightly more.
When the third month hit, your country had blocked foreigners from entering and I think we started to realize that we wouldn't see each other for longer but I still had hope to see you in September. My vacation was approved and the day your country blocked entry was actually the day I wanted to go to the travel agency. Luckily, you told me to wait for another day. Just imagine what trouble it would have been to get the money back. I started wondering what you were doing all day long while I had to write my reports from home more and more. A home where everything reminded me of you, of us. Missing you got harder and harder and I tried to escape it. Tried to drown my pain in alcohol. Tried to become the ice queen again. I even tried to hide my feelings from you, but we both know I wasn't successful.
In the fourth month nothing really changed. It felt like life was on hold. I went to work, then I went back home to write my reports. The streets became quiet, crimes less. Most of the time I worked on writing tickets for breaking covid laws.
Unlike you who was working on the front line. Day in day out, I was so worried about you. For me, the alcohol became more frequent, the healthy food less, the sweets more. I started joking that soon we'll talk about how we got engaged and didn't see each other after. But at the same time, I was scared that it will actually be true. Now I know that it is true that we won't be able to see each other until after our one-year engagement anniversary.
The next months were the same. I couldn't even tell you what day it was. Not even what month. It felt like it couldn't hurt even more. Summer came and went without anything happening.
It now has been nine months since we've met. Nine months since I could hold you since I could feel your skin.
It has been nine months since I've last felt your lips against mine. Since you've complained about me waking you in the morning.
I'm on vacation now. A vacation that I had planned to spend in your arms, maybe even run to Vegas and get married. But now, now I'm spending it cleaning the house playing PlayStation and catching up on old games that I have already played before.
I miss you every minute of every day. We talk more now, but it's just not the same. I'm starting to forget how you feel and it's killing me. I wonder if you still love me, if you still feel the way about me as I feel about you. I wonder if you'd rather look for someone else, someone closer to you. I wonder if you'd want that. Do you? I hope not because I still want to spend my life with you.
I miss you so much Holly and I don't even know where to start. It's been almost a year since I've asked you to marry me. It has almost been a year since you've said yes. And I know that we won't see each other anytime soon. And my head knows that it's for the best. My heart however hurts. And I know you're in pain too. I wish I could do something to lessen your pain. To visit you, to see you. But I know I can't. I know that it's currently too dangerous to meet.
I know deep down that we'll make it through this. That once life goes back to normal (whenever that might be) we will meet and it will be better and sweeter than ever before.
I love you with all my heart.
Forever yours,
Gail