By the time late December arrived, Steve had readjusted to the cold. The snow melted as it hit the Manhattan concrete, but the chill of the wind between the skyscrapers froze Steve to his core, so he made the conscious decision to stay inside as much as possible.
As angry as he was at Brooklyn for recommending he be sentenced to civilian life, he was thankful that nobody was pushing for him to get a job.
Upon learning he was alive, President Ellis deemed him a national treasure and had him paid a weekly stipend to get by in the hope that he'd eventually work for the government in some capacity once he was feeling up to it. Despite rejecting him, SHIELD kept tabs on him, occasionally reaching out to make sure he was okay and suggesting he come in for a physical once he was feeling up to it. For some reason, everyone in the world was waiting for Steve to 'feel up to it', as if he were sick and needed to heal.
No, Steve was just bitter and frustrated that he was forced to live in a time and place where he had no friends or family, and everyone knew him as Captain America, but didn't give a damn about the man behind the mask.
That's why, when Christmas Eve arrived, Steve planned a quiet evening of sulking home alone. He ordered enough Chinese takeout to feed a small family with every intention of finishing it alone, then turned off his phone to keep anyone from calling him.
He didn't even want to hear from Peggy, who's caretaker reached out to him last week when she realized he was alive. He hadn't returned the call yet. He wasn't ready to face the woman he'd lost.
Everyone else had died. Unlike Howard, all of Steve's Howling Commandos who lived through the war continued fighting into their old age, eventually dying of natural causes. Peggy, along with Howard, had founded SHIELD, and now lived in a nursing home in D.C.
Steve wondered if it would hurt less if she had died while he was sleeping.
As he sat on his couch, watching the news, he tipped back the beer he was nursing, swigging it down until the bottle was empty. He sat it with the three others, next to his empty takeout boxes. He told himself he'd throw it away when he was ready to get up and go to sleep. The mess wasn't bothering anyone, and Steve couldn't be bothered to move.
Steve lifted his head when he heard a light knocking against his door. He wasn't expecting company, and barely anybody knew where he lived. Grunting, he pushed himself to his feet and gathered up his trash, taking his sweet time in getting to the door. Maybe, if he was lucky, whoever was there would leave before he got to them and he wouldn't have to engage in uncomfortable conversation.
When Steve couldn't put off answering the door any longer, he swung it open to reveal Agent Hayes on the other side holding out a wrapped box towards Steve.
His expression dropped at the sight of her for the first time in a month, and he responded by slamming the door as she began to stammer for him to wait.
Steve looked the door and turned his attention back to the news, seeing a story playing about children learning how to ice skate or something.
He plopped back down and turned the television up so he could drown out the sound of Brooklyn knocking, even though he couldn't ignore it. Finally, the knocking stopped, and it was replaced by a metallic clinking noise that caused Steve to turn back towards the door.
She wouldn't…
Brooklyn unlocked Steve door and let herself in, closing it quickly behind her and leaning against it so Steve couldn't kick her out.
"You know I could call the police on you for breaking and entering." He droned from the couch, deciding throwing her out would be futile because she clearly had ways of getting into his home.
Brooklyn shrugged as she looked around, seeming to take in his apartment, "They'd never catch me."
"Then I'll kick you out."
Brooklyn sighed, shifting the package between her arm and her side so she could pull off her knit gloves. She wore a red beanie over her mahogany hair, and a grey pea coat with matching boots, "I just wanted to drop this off. I don't need to stay."
Steve narrowed his eyes at the small box and stood back up, moving around to lean against the back of the couch. He crossed his arms as he huffed, "I don't need anything from you."
"Just open the damn box, Steve." Brooklyn groaned and shoved the present toward him.
He stared at it for a moment, then took the box from his former friend, shaking it lightly and watching her wince, "What is it?"
"Did Christmas not exist in the forties? Don't shake it, open it! I went through a lot of trouble to get it for you, and I'll be pissed if you break it."
Steve studied the gift, then carefully began pulling the green wrapping paper off the box as Brooklyn watched impatiently. He folded up the paper and held it between his palm and the box, finally popping it open to see what was inside.
His heart clenched, and a gasp left Steve's mouth at the sight of his compass placed carefully in a heap of tissue paper. He gently scooped out the old compass and placed the box and paper on his kitchen table before turning the light on to get a better look. It was just as he remembered it: a little beat up, a little dirty. He carefully opened it, noticing how hard it was to get the hinges to move. Inside, the old newspaper photo of Peggy still sat. It was more faded than he remembered it, but the fact that it had survived the ice at all made Steve want to cry.
He sniffled, shaking his head back and forth once before standing up a little straighter to face Brooklyn, "Where did you get this?"
"SHIELD donated your uniform to the Smithsonian. They want to put together an exhibit on you, but, when I realized they were sending over your things, I swiped this before they could take it. I figured you'd want to have it. Seemed a little personal to put on display."
"Thank you." Steve said earnestly as he dropped his gaze and ran his thumb over the compass, "This means a lot to me."
From the corner of his eye, Steve saw Brooklyn nod and back away a little, "Well, this is all I wanted, so, I'll leave you to… whatever you're doing." Brooklyn said quietly, starting to walk away.
Steve stared at his compass, feeling like a missing piece of himself was just put back. "Wait!" He yelped suddenly, and Brooklyn stopped before she reached the door, turning around. "You don't have to go. Let's talk."
"Are you sure?" Brooklyn asked nervously, but Steve could see her expression light up.
"I'm sure." Steve replied, gesturing toward his couch. She tentatively followed his lead, sitting on the couch and waiting for him to join her. He saw how stiff she was, and he sat down on the floor in front of her, between the couch and the television and watched as she sighed.
"You don't have to sit on the floor."
"I've missed it." Steve admitted quietly, sliding his compass into the pocket of his khaki pants. "I've missed you, too."
"I've missed you so much." Brooklyn croaked, taking a deep breath, and puffing out her chest, "I thought you'd never talk to me again."
Steve shrugged, looking back to the television to see the news showing footage of Tony Stark in front of his current construction project, a massive building that was already impeding on Steve's skyline, "I didn't want to."
"I deserve it. I'm sorry for what I did. But I did it because it's what was best for you. Right now, this is what's best for you." She gestured around and Steve snorted in response, "Steve," Brooklyn placed her hand on his shoulder, "you know that, right?"
"I get it, I just wish you'd have told me." Steve mumbled as he looked back at Brooklyn, studying her. Her hair was freshly cut, but it wasn't any shorter than he remembered it. Her nose and cheeks were pink from the cold wind, and her bottom lip was swollen, as if she'd been biting it. He forced himself to focus on her eyes, finding them just as enchanting, "You gave me no reason to believe that I wouldn't go to work for SHIELD. I was ready to be thrown back into the fray, then you and Fury ripped the rug out from under me."
"I know. I should have told you, but I didn't want to influence your decision making. If I told you that I thought you weren't a good fit, what would you have done? Wouldn't you have tried to prove to me that you were? And it would have been a lie." Brooklyn argued and Steve huffed and leaned his arm against the couch, "Don't whine. I was an observer. I observed. I tried not to sway you."
"You made me want to join SHIELD." Steve admitted as his eyes dropped back to her lips for a moment, causing a thought to pop into his mind. A thought that would explain why she did what she did, and why she'd shown up on his doorstep, and why he shouldn't be mad at her anymore. "Don't you want me to join SHIELD?"
"I mean, yeah, but only if it's what's best for you." Brooklyn shifted her hand from Steve's shoulder to the back of his neck, causing the tension he was holding in his shoulders to dissipate instantly at her touch.
He smiled as his head lulled to the side, feeling at home for the first time in a month. It would be nice to spend every night like this, the way they had at the Retreat. "Maybe…maybe there's a bright side to me not joining SHIELD…"
Brooklyn stopped scratching Steve's neck and he turned to her, feeling his heart beat faster as he chewed over what he was planning on saying. Brooklyn had a look of mild panic on her face, and Steve wondered if she knew what he was going to say too, "Yeah?"
Steve wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her until she couldn't breathe, telling her how much he adored her and wanted to be with her and that Brooklyn was the only good thing to come out of surviving the crash and the ice. He wanted to tell her that she made him feel alive and that he wanted to explore the possibility of having a future with her, but first he just had to blurt out that he had developed feelings for her that hadn't faded despite being furious at her actions.
"I mean, there were rules, from- from SHIELD…" Steve stammered, and Brooklyn blinked slowly, watching him struggle to find his words. He rubbed the back of his neck and inhaled, "rules about handlers and their assets-"
"Steve." Brooklyn cut him off, and he swallowed, already seeing that she was stopping him, not encouraging him. "Steve, we- we can't."
Brooklyn stared at him blankly for a moment, then dropped her head into her hands, groaning loudly as Steve cautiously reached up to pat her shoulder, "Hey, It's okay."
"I feel like an ass."
"You're not an ass." Steve answered quickly as he grabbed her hands and pulled them away from her face, realizing her eyes were watering. He reached up and boldly wiped a stray tear from her cheek, causing her to swallow hard, "Brooke. It's me. I'm not good at… whatever this is."
"Having friends?" Brooklyn supplied teasingly, wiping away another stray tear, "Why are you so perfect?"
"I'm getting really mixed signals here." Steve sighed, seeing that she was trying to let him down easy. "I'll work on being better at having friends."
"No, you're a great friend, Steve. Ten out of ten would recommend." Brooklyn joked and Steve felt his shoulders slump, "You're my best friend." She added seriously and he looked up at her.
"You're my best friend, too."
"I don't want to ruin that. I already messed it up enough, I'm just trying to make it up to you. I can be honest with you now. We're just two friends, no agendas or checklists or rules. Let's figure this out in the real world, okay? Before we talk about anything else?" Brooklyn suggested and Steve nodded sadly.
"Yeah, sounds good." He mumbled as he looked at the ground, but he was startled when Brooklyn leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to give him a hug. He leaned into her and she laid her cheek against the top of his head.
"Thank you, Steve."
He smiled, happy to at least have Brooklyn back in his life in some capacity. "Thank you for giving me another chance."
"Can I stay for a while?" Brooklyn asked, looking around thoughtfully before adding quietly, "I have nowhere to go."
"You're spending Christmas alone, too?" Steve followed her gaze around the apartment, realizing it was probably bugged, "You're more than welcome to stay. It's nice to have company."
"Is it?" Brooklyn asked as she eased herself onto the floor beside Steve, "You didn't want to let me in."
"Well, you're kind of the worst." Steve bumped his arm against her shoulder, and she scowled up at him playfully. "Take your coat off. Stay a while. I'll tell you what I've been up to the past month since you told Fury not to hire me on at SHIELD."
"Hmm," She hummed, wiggling out of her coat and tossing it up over the couch, revealing a red turtleneck that matched her beanie that she pulled off her frizzy hair, "You been busy?"
"Oh definitely. I've been watching movies, the news, all remarkably interesting, how terrible everything is." He droned, looking over at Brooklyn as she ran her fingers over her hair in an effort to smooth it down. "I got the files about all my friends. They are all dead."
Brooklyn tilted her head, trying to smile, but it fell flat in Steve's eyes, "Not all of them."
He narrowed his eyes and she sighed, shifting to lean back against the front of the couch as Steve watched her.
"You knew?"
"Yeah." Brooklyn answered, looking ahead at the television, "Have you talked to her yet?"
"No." Steve answered, following the woman's gaze to the news, "I'm scared."
"I don't blame you. Did you read her report?"
"Yeah."
"So, you know about the Alzheimer's?"
Steve winced, feeling his muscles tighten as he curled in on himself, "Yeah."
He looked over at Brooklyn and saw her nodding, her expression neutral, "That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to know until you were ready to find out."
"What else did you hide from me?" Steve pressed, and she turned to look at him and shrugged.
"I hid what I thought you didn't need to know yet. The truth always comes out, it's just a matter of time. I didn't want to burden you with it yet." She pursed her lips and played with the hem of her sweater, "I'm sorry that things didn't work out with SHIELD. I'm sorry that you feel like I betrayed you, and I'm sorry that I showed up here tonight."
"I'm not." Steve answered boldly, and Brooklyn shifted to lean farther back against the couch, away from him.
Steve wanted to kiss her so damn badly, but Brooklyn had been very clear that she wasn't interested in dating him. He couldn't believe how he'd not only forgiven her for hurting him, but Steve was falling straight back into his old feelings for the woman. How dare she show up on Christmas Eve, with the most precious gift she could get her hands on, beg him for forgiveness and then reject him because she cared about him too much to risk having a falling out with him?
At least she let him hold her, as a friend. She sat with him and joked with him, as a friend. She'd be in his life, as a friend. Perhaps eventually she'd fall in love with him- her best friend.