Chapter 19

Bella POV

I was terrified that he would be angry with me, that he would leave me again. I knew I wouldn't survive this time. I contemplated what to say as he led me up to his room, he had my hand in his squeezing ever so slightly every 30 seconds or so while we took the journey to the 3rd floor. We entered his room and sat down on his couch. Neither of us spoke for a minute.

"Bella I'm so sorry!"

"Edward, please don't be angry!" We both spoke at the same time.

"You go first," he urged me.

"I love you, but like I said out in the woods I don't like it when people look at me differently. I didn't even mean to say what I said but I was angry, not only about what you said but everybody, the whole time I've been here! Some kids were talking to you about me like I wasn't even there! 'Is she ok?', 'Does she need any help?', like you were my parent or something, like you had to be watching after me. Then everyone was staring when I came in and talking to me like I was a toddler. And outside, I couldn't even drive myself home! And Jake. It's not just you, Charlie barely lets me walk up the stairs sometimes, Em treats me differently, Alice does too, all of you, except Rose, treat me like I'm going to break apart! If I need help I'll ask for it, but some things I can do on my own. I do want your help, and I'm thankful for your help but I don't always need it. Sometimes you ask if I need help on things you would never ask anyone else. It makes me feel more like your child than your girlfriend when you ask me if I need help getting to the restroom, or finding my fork, or pouring my drink! I try to laugh it off but it's embarrassing to me when I talk to a tree, or kiss you on your nose, or put in peaches instead of corn when I'm cooking! Edward I love you so much, but I already feel so insignificant compared to you and that stuff just makes it so much worse!" I couldn't hold back anymore and started sobbing.

"Bella I never, ever wanted to make you feel that way! And you are the farthest thing from insignificance that exists on this earth, you are so much better than me in every single conceivable way that it makes me wonder why you love me. I'm a monster and you still want to be with me, I will do anything to make this better. I am so, so sorry for treating you the way I have, I just want to help. I feel like this is my fault, if I hadn't left you would most likely be fine, happy, graduating in school like everyone else and I can't even begin to explain to you how terrible that makes me feel. I will talk to my family, tell them to back off a little, I realize now how all of this must have looked from your eyes. I was overbearing, over helpful, and over all just insensitive. I'm so sorry. I can't stand that I hurt you. I just need you to promise me that if you are feeling like this you have to tell me!"

I had not stopped crying, I even slid off the couch at some point wapping my arms around my knees and burying my face in between them. As he finished talking he tentatively came to sit beside me pulling me to his chest, I didn't snuggle into it as I usually would but I didn't back away either. His arms faltered for a minute, not knowing what to do with my reaction. We sat there together, me sobbing, for I wasn't sure how long but I eventually heard cars start to pull away, signaling that the party had ended.

I heard the door open and Alice speak.

"Edward, can we talk alone?" I guess he nodded because he snaked his arm back around me and got up, I heard the door shut again a millisecond later. I thought Alice had left too so she could speak to her brother but as I felt her sit down next to me I realized that she wanted him to leave so she could talk to me alone. I was still crying even though the sobbing had quieted some, my head was still firmly planted in my knees.

"I'm sorry that I played a part in how you are feeling." She apologized, I didn't speak and just nodded slightly into my legs.

"A-Alic-ce?" I finally spoke, my voice rough and scratchy from my tears.

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared."

"About what?"

"I'm starting to forget what things look like, what you look like, what he looks like, and that terrifies me."

"I saw this conversation, a few weeks ago, I just wasn't sure when it was going to happen, there were a few different time frames, this was the worst."

"Why?"

"It was less the outcome of the conversation and more the things leading up to it but I do know to tell you that Edwards eyes are dark right now, he has been putting off hunting because he didn't want to leave you. They are even darker tonight, almost black because of how upset he is-"

"It's my fault, he is upset because of me, he hasn't hunted because if me, I'll be fine, I know the guys are going out tomorrow, he needs to go with them."

"I didn't see that response." I heard her mutter. "Bella, he loves you, he didn't mean to make you feel that way, none of us did, you know that right?"

"Of course Ali, I just didn't want to say anything because I knew it would make you guys feel bad. I'm sorry too."

"It's not your fault Bella, do you want to come downstairs? Everybody's gone, it's almost 12."

"No I think I'll just go to sleep, can you find me a blanket?"

I felt a little wind and knew she had gone to get a blanket. She came back handing it to me and telling me goodnight.

I curled up on Edward's couch and closed my eyes. After a minute or two I heard Edward come in, he sat on the floor by my face, stroking my hair, I wished the couch was big enough for him. I cracked my eyes open.

"I'm sorry I got angry with you."

"It's perfectly ok, love, you just go to sleep we can talk more when you wake up."

"You are going hunting with your brothers and Carlisle tomorrow even if I have to get Emmett to drag you out of the house."

"Bella-"

"No buts. Promise me that you will go with them, you need to hunt, I'm not sleeping until you promise me!"

"Ok, I promise love, you sleep now."

"I love you."

"I love you too." he told me as I drifted off.