Six weeks. Six long, frustrating Mercedesless weeks. That is all Sam had to show for his move to NYC. He didn't really care about the modeling contract or the money that came with it. He only cared that it gave him a valid reason to move to New York. It was essentially the sign from the universe that he had been looking for since that muggy night in August when she "set him free." While he took full advantage of the freedom, it was always her in the back of his mind.
Now he finally had her cornered. There was literally nowhere for her to run. After her dodging him at every turn he had her right where he wanted her. Well the situation wasn't ideal as they were locked up on Blaine's roof with no cell phone and thunderstorms rolling in, but now she was forced to acknowledge his presence. Or at least she would once she was done kicking the door and spewing curses that would make Lenny Bruce blush.
"You kicking it ain't gonna make it open," Sam said sitting Indian style on the roof.
"No but it keeps me from kicking you," Mercedes said giving the door three more good kicks before thinking of the precious wedges on her feet.
"Kick me? Why would you kick me?" Sam asked astounded her anger was directed toward him.
"Gee let me think. Oh yes this was your idea. Let's go somewhere quiet to talk. I know the perfect place," she huffed as she sauntered toward him with her hands on her hips.
"How was I supposed to know the door was going to stick?"
"You live here don't you?"
"Inside the loft not on the roof Cedes"
"Don't call me that," she said backing away slightly.
"Why not?" he asked standing up.
"You don't get to call me that any more Sam. We aren't friends."
His face flashed with anger.
"Not friends. Since when aren't we friends?" he asked stalking toward her.
"I mean we are friends, just not those kind of friends," she said looking quickly to her left then her right before settling on her wringing hands.
"What exactly are those kinds of friends?" Sam asked placing his hands over hers stopping the jittery movement. He put all of his attention on their joined hands to keep from moving them into less than friendly territory.
Mercedes knew the answer to his question, it was just challenging to focus with him rubbing her hands between his own.
"The kind that have cute pet names for each other. That bridge burned long ago" she said removing her hands from his.
"Not my call" he said reaching out for her hands again.
Mercedes' head snapped up so quick she almost caught Sam under the chin.
"Not your call? Not your call?" she practically screeched at him.
"You dumped me remember? Be free you said. Go enjoy your senior year you said" Sam replied gesturing wildly to his left and right.
"I said be free not forget I existed. Every time I came back to Lima you looked right through me. You didn't even have the guts to tell me you started dating Brittany."
"Oh, you mean like how you told me about you and Mike's late-night dinners?"
"Mike and I having dinner together is nothing compared to your 'marriage'" Mercedes said poking Sam in the chest.
"I'm sorry ok! We were hurting. The loves of our lives had just left us. I had no one who understood my pain… not like Brittany did," Sam said walking away.
Mercedes took a deep breath and looked toward the gray sky thick with looming thunderstorms.
"It wasn't my intent to hurt you Sam. Although it really felt like I was being punished whenever I came back," Mercedes said closing her eyes slightly.
Sam turned and walked back toward Mercedes sticking his hands in his pocket as he moved forward. Physical contact was always his go to when dealing with a conflicted or upset Mercedes, but he knew that was not a path available to to him right now.
"I wasn't punishing you. I was trying to make Brittany fill the Mercedes shaped whole in my world. I just...I wanted to feel wanted again. I wanted to feel like I was worthy of being the be all end all of someone's life," Sam commented around a lump in his throat.
"You are worthy of that and so much more. I just didn't expect you to discard me so easily. You fought so hard for me when you came back I thought maybe just maybe you would again. I know that sounds terrible and selfish, but I had hoped I wasn't so easy to forget", Mercedes said as a single tear journeyed down her cheek.
Sam felt torn between anger and hurt. He could have handled the break up better, but at the same time he believed there was no reason for them to break up in the first place. He would have waited for her. Hell he was still waiting for her. None of that matter as he watched her try to hold herself together.
"I never forgot you. You are always there Mercedes. You are a faint whisper in my ear every second of every day. When you left me in Lima to chase to your dreams I was so proud but I was also devastated. I was finally getting to make good on all of those summer promises. I got to walk down the hallway with you on my arm. I could kiss you whenever and where ever. You were my happily ever after," Sam said as tears rolled down his cheek.
Mercedes started to reach out to wipe away his tears but stopped and folded her hands over her rapidly beating heart. That wasn't her right anymore. She gave it away and now faced the consequence of the choices she made for them.
"So yeah I threw myself completely into my relationship with Brittany. She was safe. I knew she could never break my heart. Especially since it hadn't been whole since you left. I never meant to hurt you. It was just easier for me to focus on her so that I didn't say screw it all and follow you back to California. I loved you so much...I still do. You will always be it for me," Sam said closing the distance between himself and Mercedes. He gently pulled her hands away from her chest and rested them on his cheeks. She in turn begin to gently wipe away the tears that had gathered on his cheeks with the pads of her thumbs. Both released a sigh of relief at the remembered level of intimacy the contact brought forth.
"Sam I..", Mercedes began but was interrupted by the sound of the roof door screeching open. She quickly snatched her hands from Sam's face as he turned his back to the door to clear the reminder of the tears on his face.
"Oh my god guys are you ok? I completely forgot to warn you about this door," Blaine huffed out as he held the door open.
"It is fine Blaine really," Mercedes said mustering some sort of normalcy into her voice. She made quick work of drying her own tears. "Those clouds are going to open up at any time so we should head back down.
Mercedes hurried past Blaine with her head hung low. Blaine turned to look at the back of his best friend.
"Sam?" Blaine questioned as he remained standing in the doorway.
"She thought I forgot her. She thought she was so easy to get over," Sam said as he turned to face Blaine. The tears were gone, but his eyes remained red and pained.
"I'm so sorry Sam. You're both here now so maybe things can be put right," Blaine said hopefully. He knew Sam still loved Mercedes and had a strong inkling the pocket sized diva felt the same.
"There's a lot there Blaine. Whether intentional or not we hurt each other...a lot. I don't know if this mountain can be climbed," Sam replied as he made his toward the door. Blaine stopped him just as his foot made it over the threshold.
"This pain...this sadness you're feeling right now, would you give up all of the time you spent with her so you didn't feel this way right now?"
"Absolutely not," Sam replied without hesitation.
"Then you should at least try. Even if you walk away with nothing more than a friendship. You owe each other that much," Blaine said with his hand on Sam's shoulder.
Sam scrubbed a hand over his face and nodded. He knew Blaine was right, but he wasn't sure neither Mercedes' or his heart would recover if things went wrong.
"Come on. You don't have to decide what to do right now. Just give it some thought," Blaine said as he turned Sam towards the stairs and gently guided him down.
Sam nodded numbly. He knew he didn't have to decide at that moment but deep inside he knew he already had. Mercedes really was it for him.