Chapter 9

Geting Closer

He felt like his voice was gonna fail him: "Hey, Sam."

"Hey, Dean. You…Hum…You're good?"

"Yeah, fine. What about you? Is there something wrong?"

"No, but I saw you're getting married."

Dean found himself speechless, his stomach knotted and he felt like icy water had been dropped over him. Oh God, if Sam ever learned…Weirdly, that's something he didn't anticipate: what Sam would think of all this. But here his little brother was phoning him about it. Hell…

"Yeah…Yeah, I am."

"I'm really happy for you, weirdly enough I kinda thought you would end up with a dude."

"Well, if you can have such predictions with the company's trading, I'd gladly take those."

He heard Sam chuckle a bit and had to contain his emotion. It was so good to hear him again! He bit his lip: "And…Jess? How is she?"

A short silence followed: "You mean her or the baby?"

"…Both."

"They're fine. The latest exam showed no problems at all."

"Good."

It was still giving him vertigo when he thought about it: Sam was going to be a dad. He had called him three months ago to tell him that Jessica was pregnant, leaving a message, but Dean hadn't called back immediately. Not that he didn't want to, on contrary, but out of nervousness. Just like his dad, Dean had rejected Jess, thinking she was interested in their money. Yet when the girl had proved them wrong, Dean had felt guilty. So he had eventually called back but Sam hadn't picked up the phone and Dean had left a short message. After that, none of them had tried to contact the other again. He didn't know why Sam wouldn't call him again, but Dean didn't dare, because after what happened, he kinda waited for his little brother to allow him back in his life.

"Boy or girl, do you know already?"

"In a few days. Apparently, you'll be a dad too."

"Yeah, she is almost four now, so I didn't get the diapers and all, but yeah, I suppose I will."

This made Sam chuckle. It was strange to think he would be Claire's dad too. In fact he already was a bit, he bought her a dress, bought things for her room, had a room for her in his house and she was just starting to live here.

"You know…I was actually thinking about marrying on the West Coast."

"Really?"

"Well, since Jess is pregnant, it's better that she doesn't take the plane. Anyway, I like the idea of marrying in California."

"Thank you…You'd like to come at my house?"

"Maybe not, we could find somewhere to stay near your house, though."

"You want to have your space with him, isn't it?" Sam asked on a teasing tone.

Dean smiled and blushed slightly. He wished it was that. "Well, there is still the little girl, but I guess it will be easier to…Have fun."

Anyway it was maybe better, Sam and he hadn't seen each other in a long time, suddenly being under the same roof all day was maybe not the best thing. Especially since he didn't know how Jessica would react to him. He heard a slight chuckle. "What's the kid's name by the way? I know your fiancé has a weird name, I read it but can't remember."

"Her name is Claire, and his is Castiel."

They spoke a bit more, and eventually hung up. They had decided Dean would indeed come and spend some time here, and organize his marriage here. Dean felt happier than ever, it seemed like an eternity he hadn't seen or talk to his little brother, and yet they had managed to speak naturally…And he would see him again! The only down side was that he would have to take the plane, each time he had to do that, he had to make a big effort to stay calm. But it didn't matter, if it meant seeing Sam, then be it!

But wait, what would Castiel think about it? Maybe he wouldn't object. After all, California was a good place, and maybe he would be curious to see his brother. And maybe it would also help him forget what happened today. After Sam's call, Dean had almost forgotten about Cas's dad, but maybe some times away would feel good for his future husband.

In fact…The more he thought about it, the more he was sure preparing the wedding too fast was a bad idea. He would have to tell Marc about it, but it was better to wait at least seven weeks. It wasn't for his pleasure, but now that he thought about it, the rush would be ludicrous, even suspicious to the public. Them announcing their engagement already was viewed by some as a show, so if they rushed the wedding…Yeah, and as Charlie said, he ahd to get to spend some time with Cas'. The man was going through a lot already, maybe waiting would feel smoother.

He sighed and laid on the bed. Tomorrow would be a difficult day, and yet he wasn't scared of that, far from it. It was weird because he was energetic; he would have felt like going out usually but not tonight; maybe because the house wasn't deserted anymore? But he wasn't feeling sleepy, so he decided to do some work, and after that he would go and look on the net for a place to stay at in California. If he didn't want to marry right now, at least he would see Sam soon. His brother wasn't living in Los Angeles, only close to it, in a smaller city. He wanted something near the beach, he remembered Castiel saying he would miss Queens because it was close to the ocean.

It was only two hours later that he went back in his room, this time about to go to sleep, satisfied as he had done some work and found what he wanted. But before he could lay in his bed, he heard the door open and saw Castiel entering his room with casual night clothes.

"What's up?"

"Well…There is something that your cleaning lady told me today: she noticed we didn't sleep in the same bed."

"Well, yeah, she makes those and washes the sheets." Wait a sec…Why was he talking about that? He noticed how slightly embarrassed Castiel was.

"Well, I thought maybe we should be…Share the same bed during some nights."

This brought a smile to Dean's lips, he couldn't help it. "You want to sleep with me!"

"Don't make it difficult! No touching, though. Just for appearances."

"Well, when we slept at your house you weren't that cooperative…"

"Look, if you don't want it, that's fine, I was just suggesting that so it won't look suspicious."

"Okay, okay! That's fine with me, I promise I won't do anything you don't want."

He tried not to smile too much as Castiel laid at his side, even though he knew he couldn't touch him, it was satisfying to have him in his bed. It was what he had wanted from the very first time he had seen him, but funny enough, he thought he would have Castiel for a few nights of sex, not that he would chastely lay at his future husband's side.

"We'll have thing to talk about tomorrow," Dean said, still smiling in the dark once the lights were off. Castiel had his back turned to him.

"Okay. Good night."

"'Night."

It was incredibly weird laying at Dean's side. Dear God, he never thought that would happen one day! Yet, he wanted to do it, making excuses to Sue would be tiring. And strangely enough, the idea to sleep alone was quite repulsive right now. He didn't know why, but he wanted to know someone would be at his side. Maybe because sleep paralysis had started again after a long time without it? Or there was another reason he didn't want to admit: he was upset after meeting his father and somehow he didn't want to be alone. He felt childish for that, really, but he couldn't help it. He hated being all alone in his bed when something was nagging him like that. And after all, there was someone available and willing, so if at least Dean could be a presence to comfort him a bit, it would be good. He had been forced into this relationship, so he would take some advantage out of it when he could. Still, it felt strange to think he was at his side. Some days ago they were still strangers to one another.

Weirdly enough, he trusted that Dean wouldn't touch him. Anyway if he tried, he could defend himself.

Laying on his back, Dean continued to observe the one at his side; It was weird to think he had someone in his bed he couldn't touch and who was meant to stay. Sharing a bed with no sex…Isn't that the definition of marriage? It made him smile, if it was really the case he would change the definition of marriage! But not right now obviously…Anyway, after what happened today, it was absolutely not the moment to make a move. He thought of Cas's scars, of his fury when he had seen his father. Lust wasn't the only reason why he wanted to touch him: he wished he could comfort him as well. But it would probably be unwelcome right now, he would be crowding him. And considering how he had stormed out of the room after Castiel kissed him…He didn't want to admit it, but he should have been gentler. Yes, he had been hurt when Castiel had kissed him just as a way to piss off his dad, but his future husband wasn't thinking straight. He couldn't blame him for that.

He continued to look at the frame at his side, he could just distinguish it in the dark, and hear Cas's breathing. The wish to comfort him and the lust swirled in his mind. His mind drifted again to that evening when Cas was dancing in the club, that hug he had given him and that kiss they shared earlier, how hot he had felt…A shudder went through him, he died to discover what Castiel was like as a lover. It was actually hard to hold himself from touching him, from reaching him and try to kiss his neck. But no, Castiel didn't want to. Well, he would have to find a way to seduce him.

At his dismay, Dean realized that laying at Castiel's side like that would have its hard side as well.

O o O

When Dean woke up that morning, he had his arm around something. The sensation was comforting, it melted well into his arm, and he could snuggle…Wait…Opening his eyes, he realized he was holding his future husband. Castiel had his back turned to him and Dean was leaning against him, his arm draped around the man's stomach. What happened? He didn't even remember doing that! It was probably a gesture he did in his sleep.

Obviously Castiel was still sleeping, he was breathing normally, and his body was completely relaxed against his. It wasn't the first time he had someone in bed, but he would rarely hug them. It was like the time he had held him, but this time there was no tension at all. H found himself wishing this would happen more often, when Castiel would be sleeping or awake.

He remained like this for a soft moment, thinking of everything that happened, and couldn't but remember that the back he was pressed had many old scars. He has inner old scars too. Very gently, he took his arm off and got up from the bed, careful not to wake him up. After one last look to his sleeping form, he pulled the thin linen over his body and left the room.

It was quite unusual for him to wake up that early, maybe it was sleeping next to Castiel, or because so much was happening. He wasn't alone for long, though; Claire woke up a few minutes later and called for her dad, who immediately went to her. They were all together eating breakfast with Jasper and Sasquatch both laid at their feet, their eyes pleading for some food. Dean instructed Claire not to give him anything, explaining it was a bad habit. Then he looked at Castiel, wondering how he was feeling.

Might as well tell him now.

"We'll leave the City for some times."

Castiel looked at Dean in surprise and Claire looked up as well in expectation. "We'll take some times off. After all we are supposed to prepare our wedding."

"Where are we going?"

"To the West Coast, we'll rent something by the beach. You said you enjoyed the ocean, and we'll be able to visit my brother."

"But that's at the other side of the country! I can't afford…"

"I'll pay for your tickets! You'll just have to pack your things, try not to look like a peasant."

"I'm going too?" Asked Claire.

"Of course you are."

The little girl jumped in joy, she was beaming so much Castiel couldn't refuse it, even to piss off Dean. Anyway he couldn't help but feel happy at that perspective, to see the ocean and swim with her. And unlike the swimming pool, he was allowed to keep a tee-shirt on when he was swimming, allowing him to hide the scars. Wait, Dean had spoken of the marriage…

"You haven't told me yet when we will marry."

"In about seven weeks. We'll marry at Los Angeles, my brother lives nearby."

Castiel churned, it was almost two months, and yet it seemed like it would be in two days. Dean wished he had a happier reaction, but he should have expected this. It could have been worse. He bit his lip. "You won't have much to do, except try some clothes. We'll"

"Why are we marrying there?"

"My sister is law is pregnant. She can't travel to New York."

Castiel then remembered what he heard about Sam Winchester and that conflict. "Does that mean you two are in better terms?"

Dean hesitated and drunk what was left of his coffee quickly. "I guess. I have to go to work, in the meantime, you should see who among your friends can attend the wedding."

"Fine."

He wouldn't help. After all, he had been forced to do this, why should he help? But weirdly, a part of him felt less hostile toward Dean. Maybe because of what happened yesterday? But the idea to see the West Coast was cheering him, he had never traveled that far.

He did phone Father Lowry explaining him he would marry and though the old reverend wanted to attend, it wouldn't be possible for him. Then he called Anna, Lexie and Zack, asking them to meet him for lunch. Anna perfectly understood what was going on, of course, and she promised Castiel she would make her best to come so he would have support. But Zack and Lexie really were confused and angry.

"You really were in a relationship with that guy?! The very same guy who insulted us all?"

They were sitting at a table of a small restaurant; Claire was sitting with them, a little game book for kids her age in hands. He gave a quick look to Anna who bit her lip, not knowing what to say either. He sighed: "I was really mad at him, he never did anything like it before, and…I don't know, I think he snapped because we really were at a bad moment of our relationship and he thought I was going to break up with him. He was actually jealous because he thought I had an affair with one of you."

H wasn't much of a good liar, he did his best to be believable. Maybe it worked because neither of them could imagine the truth. It was obvious they were upset, they didn't think Castiel would have lied, and he died to tell them he never did, to explain what happened. But he didn't want them to know, he feared they would be exposed. All the grudge and anger he felt toward Dean burned again, his friends were hurt and angry because of him.

"Still, he acted like a dick," Zack huffed. "He might be rich, but that's all!"

"Yeah, Harold didn't like it at all," Lexie added.

"Harold?"

"The guy who flirted with me," she reminded him with a little smile. "We saw each other again, and he is taking me out tonight."

He remembered indeed the shy young man who had been with her, Castiel had found him to be very likeable, and he had felt grateful toward him for taking Lexie away when Dean had acted out. He smiled as well, it was great for her if this worked well, she deserved the best.

"Well, I hope you two will work out."

"It's too soon to tell," she said with another smile before getting serious again, "But, why didn't you tell us?"

"Actually, I knew," Anna intervened. "I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you, and that I acted like I had no clue. But Castiel and I agreed that the less people knew, the better."

"You could have trusted us!"

"It's not that I don't trust you, but I promised Dean I wouldn't tell anyone but Anna. He didn't tell his friends either. We both feared what would happen if the public learned. Just having people know about me now is already…I don't like it."

Although Zack was still upset over it, Lexie was more forgiving, and at the end of lunch, she had stopped pouting already. But he feared that Zack and he wouldn't be as close as they used to be. He cursed Dean mentally for making him lie. Taking him and his daughter away from their house was one thing, but now because of him, his relationship with a friend could be ruined.

Once the lunch ended, Zack and Lexie went on their own way, while he and Anna walked together, Claire was getting a bit moody, needing her nap already. Castiel took her in his arms and she leaned her head against his shoulder, slowly dozing off.

"So, what are you gonna do now? What's gonna happen?" Anna asked that without even knowing what she was precisely thinking of.

"Well, we'll marry to the West Coast, and…Well, I'm gonna meet his brother." He looked at her and knew this wasn't the answer she wanted. But truth to be told, he didn't have much to give. "I don't really know what's in the future for me, honestly. I don't think that situation would be that bad for Claire, for me I don't know. He is a douche, but not dangerous, however I'm loosing the life I had because of him."

"Beware, don't fall for the Old Stockholm Syndrom. It doesn't always happen to kidnapped people, those who are trapped in an abusive relationship often develops something close to it."

"I know. But don't worry, I know about it, and I just objectively can tell that until now, he didn't show himself dangerous. He tried to order me around but let's say I didn't exactly cooperate."

He told her about how Dean had ordered him to wait for him and how he left to go back to the Queens and had Dean stay in his guest room for the night. She laughed as she heard how Castiel jokingly told him there would be cockroaches. He laughed as well.

"I do as he says when he asks for something that makes sense, I don't mind, but don't worry, I don't intend to bend to his every will and let him change me." Indeed, he hadn't allowed his father to submit him when he was a teenage boy, he wouldn't let his future husband do that now that he was a man. He had never told Anna much about his dad, she just knew they didn't share a loving relationship.

When he thought about it, he had never shown anyone his scars willingly. Some people had noticed those eventually, but he had never purposefully showed them. He almost stopped as if he had just realized that: Dean Winchester was the first person with whom he had done that. Why? Because he had felt guilty for kissing him just to defy his father? No, because Dean is the first one who stood up to your dad on your behalf.

Hell, when he thought about it, it was true, no one ever did, even Ellen and Father Lowry, both feared that angering the man would only make him lash out on his son even more, and calling child services would have probably gotten him to some shitty foster home. Instead they would make sure to give him a place to stay whenever he needed. He knew that, and he had no grudge on them, but it was good that someone had just confronted his dad directly for him.

God, it wouldn't be easy if he started to switch between gratefulness and hatred. Dear God, whatever relationship he would have with Dean, it wouldn't be an easy one.

O o O

"You want to postpone, really?"

Marc was quite surprised, but a bit relieved, though he had been excited by the challenge, he realized it would be much better for him to organize it.

"I do. I don't want to rush things up, it won't do any good to my reputation if my wedding is half-done because I rushed it up, also it would appear strange. And…Well, I got many lovers, you know, but I won't marry many times." Hopefully only once. "I would like it to be a real event."

"Alright. So the West Coast, you told me?"

"Yep, L.A, my sister-in-law shouldn't travel much."

"I know the place a bit. Kevin and I went there two years ago, there are a few locations where you could marry. But now, that's up to you and your boyfriend's taste. By the way, I'd need to meet him."

"Sure." But would Castiel even care? He thought over it, and it would actually be a good thing to introduce him to Marc, and to his friends.

"Maybe we could go to the blue Jungle with Charlie, that way he would also meet her and Jo."

"Yeah, it had been some times since we didn't go there all together. Anyway I'm sure Charlie wouldn't miss another opportunity to see Jo."

"Yeah, I noticed that," Dean said with a smile, liking the idea of those two together. "With some luck they'll go at my wedding as a couple."

"Oh yeah! By the way, you know there are some people you'll have to invite, right?"

"Don't remind me?"

Indeed, there were some public people and investors who would have to be invited, his wedding would be a public event. Marc laughed at that: "You know Bela Talbot is apparently really bitter, she hoped to get you!"

"I know…It could be actually fun to invite her, just for that."

They didn't spend too much time on that, though. Dean also had to see Charlie about the hacking attempt. They didn't know who the hacker was yet, and she feared they might never discover. That enraged him, he didn't like the idea that they could get away with it. But at least the security system was fine.

When Dean came home, they didn't talk much at first, just shared dinner. All the while, he could feel some tension, it seemed like Castiel was mad at him but didn't want to talk about it before his daughter. It was only once he went to bed that they had their first real conversation. Castiel was already under the cover when Dean went to sleep, but he noticed the man wasn't asleep.

"Hey…So, did you think of who would come?"

"Yeah. Why seven weeks by the way?"

"In a bit less than five weeks, it will be two years my father died. I don't want to wait too long for our marriage, but I want to leave some times between it and that anniversary."

"I see."

A short silence followed and then Dean remembered something he noticed: "You worked in the garden again, I saw."

"Yes."

Dean rolled his eyes but said nothing this time, much at Castiel's satisfaction.

"There is something I wanted to ask you: a colleague told me they had sleep paralysis too."

Honestly, he wouldn't have admitted that he took some times during his lunch break to research it on the net. And what he ahd seen had been even more terrifying than what Castiel explained. He stopped there, as if he hesitated to ask, and his future husband titled his head slightly: "So?"

"Yeah…I'd like to know, do you experience hallucinations? Do you have a treatment?"

Castiel frowned, trying to keep composure but his guts churned. Why? He shouldn't be ashamed: "Why such questions?"

"I'd rather know if I live with someone who needs meds or a shrink."

"I don't! It occasionally happens but it's probably the stress, nothing else, I know how to handle it."

Biting his lip, Dean leaned on his arm, propping himself up, to hover a bit over his future husband who was still laying on his back. "But do you experience hallucinations? And when did it start?"

Taking a deep breath, his future husband looked at him with annoyance: "Why do you want to know that?"

"Because it's important. We should ask each other questions."

"Does that mean I can ask you things?"

"Yes. But go ahead, answer first."

"I saw some things when I was a kid. Not anymore"

"What did you see?" Weirdly, he was incredibly curious to know what Castiel could see whenever he was paralyzed. Dear God, with his fanatic father, the suicide of his mother and this…He wondered how the guy went through all this.

"I'm not answering that. And I guess I should be the one asking you something now: why were you so mad because I worked in the garden?"

Dean lowered his gaze and took a moment to answer. "Because it was my mother's garden. She used to go in here as often as she could, and she never hired anyone to help, at most she would ask the caretaker to water the plants when were gone. She wanted that place to be beautiful for all of us, we all liked it, but we all felt it was hers somehow."

He stopped for a moment, looking down again, reminiscing. "After she died, my father hired someone to take care of it, Sam and I participated as well, but it wasn't the same at all. We felt like it wasn't ours, but we were still trying. My mom did it because she wanted to make us happy, that garden was made for a happy family, but we weren't anymore. Then Sam left and my father died. And I thought it was maybe better to let the place die as well, since its soul is dead already."

That left Castiel slightly speechless at this. Now he could understand: it was a way to let go for him. It was somehow reassuring, though, to know there was actually a real reason to that. Now he hesitated working in there again, he would have defied Dean if he had just been throwing another authority fit, but here, it was the garden of his mother and a symbol of his grieving. He never met Mary Winchester but he wouldn't disrespect her memory on purpose.

"Thanks for telling me."

He almost asked what happened to her but stopped himself. Maybe another time, they had done enough revelations for tonight. Dean gulped, though he had owed Castiel an answer, he didn't like to talk about that.

"Yeah…We'll leave in two days, tomorrow we are going to meet a few of my friends, at the Blue Jungle. After all you introduced me to yours, I should introduce you to them."

Castiel shrugged: "As you wish." Was Dean trying to scare him? He didn't know but he was quite curious to meet those people.