"Shh, shh, my baby, my Emma, you're alright, I'm here, I've got you," Stef kept whispering to me like a mantra, while rubbing soothing circles on my back. I just clung to her as the sobs kept coming. She went to adjust herself but it made me think she was leaving, so I clung to her tighter and whimpered.
"Don't leave me," I whispered to her. I don't know why, but I felt safe and secure in her arms, as if nothing could ever hurt me again as long as she was there.
"Oh, Emma, my baby, I will never leave you. Never ever ever," she said firmly. "Can I call Lena to let her know you're ok?"
I nodded my head, but I refused to leave the comfort of her arms. Stef grabbed her phone with some difficulty, but she managed it and called Lena. She also grabbed my blanket, and handed it to me. I immediately took it and brought it close to my chest. When I heard Lena's worried voice through the phone, I felt really guilty.
"Stef?! Are you ok?! Is it Emma?! Did you find her?!"
"Lena, my love, everything is alright. I found Emma, and we're on our way back home right now."
I could hear her relieved sigh. "Oh, thank goodness."
I then heard Neal, and a sense of dread filled me. I abandoned my brother! My baby brother, who will have no doubt burst into tears when he found out I left. Tears started falling down from my eyes again, and I buried myself as far as I could into Stef. I couldn't even describe the guilt I felt for leaving him, it was that painful. She just pulled me as close as possible with one hand available.
"Lena? Is that Stef? Did she find Emma?" my brother asked.
I imagined the scene, everyone at the table, eagerly awaiting the news Lena was about to share, Neal probably in Lena's arms for comfort.
"Yes Neal, Stef found Emma and they're on their way home right now."
I heard a collective sigh of relief, and Neal asking if he could talk to Stef. There was some shuffling on the other end before the previously muffled voice, now crystal clear, talking through the phone.
"Hi Stef. Is Emma ok?"
"Yes, baby, she's fine."
"Can I talk to her?"
Stef looked at me for permission, and I nodded my head before removing myself from her arms. I put my blanket in my lap, wiped my tears away as best I could and tried to sound as if I hadn't just been sobbing.
"Hi Neal!" I said in the cheeriest voice I could muster, but judging Stef's face I could tell it wasn't fooling her.
"Emma! Are you ok?" his sweet voice asked.
"Yes, little man, I'm ok."
"Did I do good?"
"What do you mean, kid?"
"I gave Stef your baby blanket and told her to take it. I know it always helped you to calm down before. I also told her that pianos and the beach help too."
My heart just about burst with love and pride for my brother. "Yes, Neal, you did awesome. And you want to know what?" I whispered, but not too softly so Stef could still hear.
"Yeah!" he whispered back.
"I bet that's the only reason Stef found me."
His sweet giggles were music to my ears. "No silly! She had a tracker on your phone! That's how she found you!"
I raised an eyebrow at his words, directing my stare at a very uncomfortable looking Stef. "Is that so?"
"Yeah!" Neal's voice turned from happy to serious. "Will you come home now?"
"Yes buddy. In fact, Stef is driving us home right now, isn't that right Stef?" I questioned.
"Yep, we're already on the road," she said.
"Good, cause I was worried you weren't gonna want to come back."
I frowned at his words. "Why would I not come back?"
"Because I told them what happened."
My eyes widened, and a look of horror overcame my face.
"You did what?!" I hissed, anxiously looking at Stef's face for confirmation. She simply nodded her head, and another wave of dread overcame me.
"I told them. They promised they weren't gonna separate us! You said that was what would happen if I told, and they said they wouldn't!" he shouted, anger filling his voice.
I swore under my breath, and responded to Neal. "Why would you tell them?"
"Cause I trust them! Don't you?!"
I took a deep breath and glanced over at Stef who was in the driver's seat, starting the car. I buckled my seatbelt while trying to come up with an answer. "Not fully, Neal."
His voice seemed to soften. "Why? They haven't hit us or beat us for doing something wrong, they aren't drunk all the time, they don't do drugs, we have plenty of food, we have a comfy bed, clothes that fit, reasonable rules, and they actually want us here! What more could you possibly want?"
For once, I was speechless. Neal was right, they've given us everything other homes didn't. But, I knew it was temporary. "Neal, come on. This isn't going to be forever. Sooner or later, we're going to be sent back, so we shouldn't be getting comfortable here. It's not our home."
There was dead silence on Neal's end. "Neal?" I asked hesitantly.
"You're right," he admitted in a defeated tone.
I felt bad for making him feel like that, but it had to be done. "Hey, listen. I'm almost home, so why don't I play you something? Whatever you want," I offered.
"Ok," he said quietly.
"Neal?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you too Emma."
"Now, why don't you give the phone back to Lena and I'll talk to her. I'm sure she wants to know that I'm really ok."
Stef shot me a grateful smile, so I gave her a tiny one back.
"Emma?"
"Hey Lena."
"Oh, thank god you're ok! You can never run off like that again! Do you understand me?! We were worried sick!"
The guilt came back at me at full force, and it made my stomach churn. "I know, I'm sorry. I was just worried. That word kinda brought back some awful memories, and, with what I got from Neal, he told you all about."
"Yes, he did," she said softly.
Stef gave me a comforting smile and squeezed my hand. I squeezed hers back, and continued listening to Lena.
"When you get home, we're going to have a serious talk."
I gulped nervously, said ok, that we were almost home, and hung up. I pulled down the mirror, and started trying to get rid of any evidence that made it look like I was crying. I asked Stef if there were any wipes, and she pointed to the glove compartment. I then finally got a glimpse of Stef's shirt, only to see it was wet from where I had cried into her chest.
"Stef?"
"Yes baby?"
"I'm sorry for ruining your uniform shirt," I said while wiping my face.
"My love, you don't ever have to apologize for your feelings. Unless it harms you or someone else, never apologize. Understood?"
"Yes," I mumbled.
She just stroked small circles on my hand with her thumb. I hadn't even realized mine was still in hers. Stef started slowing down, so I looked up to see we had arrived in the neighborhood. I then took my hand out of hers and started wringing my hands nervously. I also started biting on my lip, another nervous habit. When she parked the car in front of the house, my fingers fumbled before they finally managed to press down on the button to free me of my seatbelt. I brought my blanket back to my chest with one hand, and with the other, I slung my bag over my shoulder and opened the door. My nerves skyrocketed, much like when Bill first brought me here. I couldn't control the pounding of my heart, but I could control my breathing to make it look as though I was calm. Stef waited for me, probably so she could continue keeping an eye on me. I went in front of her and climbed up the three steps that led to the awning over the front of the house and that the front door was in. They must have been watching through the window, because the door opened and Neal rushed out and wrapped his arms around my waist. I returned the hug, but when I tried to go inside, Neal just clung to me tighter, much like I did with Stef. I handed my bag and blanket to Lena, who had tears in her eyes. Stef had managed to squeeze past us and had an arm around Lena's waist, watching us. I peeked inside to see the rest of them in the living room. I knelt as best as I could and whispered something to Neal. He nodded his head in the affirmative. His arms wrapped around my neck and his legs circled my waist. I put my hands on his thighs, then carried him to the living room with Lena, then Stef after she closed the front door, following with surprised looks at me carrying him effortlessly. Everyone's eyebrows shot up when they saw Neal had wrapped himself around me like a baby koala did to its mom, and that I was somehow carrying him. I sat down on the two-seater then started whispering sweet nothings into his ear. His grip eventually loosened enough for me to adjust so we were both comfortable.
"How did you manage to carry him?" Callie asked.
I shrugged my shoulders before regretting the action, for it caused Neal's grip to tighten again, almost cutting off my air supply.
"Hey Neal, I'm not going anywhere, ok? I'm so so so sorry I left you, but it will never happen again."
He looked at me while I was talking, looking for the truth in my eyes. He must've seen something he liked, considering he got off of my lap. However, he still wanted to be close, so he cuddled up to me like he always did when he wanted to be comforted. I threw my arm around his shoulders as he rested his head on mine. I gave him a kiss on the forehead, and he let out a little laugh. I smiled at that, and he beamed up at me.
"Emma?"
"Yeah kid?"
"Are you mad at me for telling?"
I inhaled sharply, which made Neal tense up. I was going to say yes, but as I looked down into his baby blue eyes and scared face, I couldn't be mad. "No little man, I'm not mad."
"Are you sure?"
"100% positive, Neal. I promise, I'm not mad."
He gave me another smile and cuddled closer.
"Emma?"
"Yeah Jude?"
"I'm sorry for pushing. If I hadn't, you wouldn't have run away."
"Jude, buddy, it's not your fault, ok? It was mine. Even if it was your fault, which it wasn't," I gave him a pointed look before continuing, "I shouldn't have run away. I should have gone upstairs and thrown myself onto my bed like every other stereotypical teenager."
Everyone laughed, then I looked Stef and Lena in the eye, despite my discomfort in doing so. "I'm sorry for running, it shouldn't have happened."
"You're right, it shouldn't have happened, but it did," Lena said.
"And you know why?" I questioned, looking at all of them.
They simply nodded their heads, and I took a deep breath before speaking. "Let me guess, we have to talk about it?"
"Not now, but we do have to eventually," Stef said, albeit rather uncertainly. It seemed like she wanted to talk about it now, but I didn't.
"Good. Cause I don't. Neal, bud, what do you want me to play?"
Stef looked like she was about to open her mouth, but Lena gave her an imperceptible shake of her head.
"Ummm, can you play the one from Tarzan? I don't remember what it's called," he said, nose scrunched up in concentration.
"You'll Be in My Heart?" Mariana offered.
"Yeah! That's it!" he exclaimed.
"You got it, little man. But you're gonna have to get off me before I can play."
"Oh, right," he said sheepishly while getting himself off. "Can I sit on the bench with you?"
"Sure bud."
He followed me to the piano, where I sat down and ruffled his hair before lifting the cover and beginning to play.
Come stop your crying
It will be alright
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always
Why can't they understand the way we feel?
They just don't trust
What they can't explain
And I know we're different but deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know?
(What do they know?)
We need each other
To have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know
When destiny calls you
You must be strong
(You gotta be strong)
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Believe me you'll be in my heart
I'll be there from this day on
Now and forever more
Ooh, you'll be in my heart
(You'll be here in my heart)
No matter what they say
(I'll be with you)
You'll be here in my heart
(I'll be there)
Always
Always
I'll be with you
And I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there
Always
"Emma, love, I will never get over how beautiful your voice is," Stef said.
My cheeks turned rosy from the compliment. "Thanks."
"Well, today has been eventful. And it's only 9:15!" Jesus said.
We all laughed, then Stef and Lena turned to the rest of the kids.
"Can we talk to Emma alone please?" Stef asked, though it sounded more like telling.
Neal's eyes widened in fear, and I gave him a quick hug to reassure him.
"It'll be fine, kid."
He gave me one last worried glance, then left to go upstairs. Jude was trying to distract him by asking if he wanted to play a game with him on his phone.
"Emma, come sit over here," Lena patted the spot on the couch in front of her. They had moved to sit on the edge of the table.
I slowly shuffled over there, but one look at Stef's raised eyebrow made me go faster. I flopped down onto the couch and avoided their gazes.
"Emma," Stef started, but I cut her off.
"I thought I didn't have to talk about it right now."
"You don't," Lena confirmed.
"Good. May I be excused?" I asked sharply.
"No," Stef replied just as sharply.
"And why not?"
"Because I said so."
"You aren't my mom."
I saw her flinch at not only my words but at the harsh way I said it.
"Emma," Lena scolded.
"What? It's true isn't it? She isn't my mom and you aren't either."
"Just because we aren't your parents doesn't mean you don't get to listen to us," Stef said, getting more angry. I don't know why I was acting like this, but I couldn't stop it.
"You're right, Stef. You're not my parents, but you're exactly like them. You're gonna decide that I'm not worth your time or money and leave me like everyone else in my life has, except for Neal," I said just as angry as Stef.
"Oh Emma," Lena said softly.
"Emma, my love, I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Callie her first night here. You're not disposable, and you're not worthless," Stef said in a much more calm voice.
"Whatever," I scoffed, trying to hide how much those words meant to me. "Can I go now?"
"No," said Lena.
"Why?"
"Because we still have to discuss you running away."
I groaned. "I thought I didn't have to talk about it," I said for what seemed like the millionth time.
"Not right now," she confirmed. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to the punch. "We do, however, have to talk about what you could've done differently instead of running away."
I let out another groan. "Do we have to?" I whined like a petulant child.
"Yes, we do," said Stef.
"I could've gone to any other place in the house or I could've gone to the back. Happy?" I asked sarcastically.
"No, because you aren't taking this seriously. I think, no, I know you are grounded," Stef said.
"What?!" I was not expecting this.
"Yep. Your friends are not allowed to come over for a week, and you are not allowed to go over their houses either. Also, you are not allowed to leave this house without either Brandon, Callie, Lena, or myself with you. Normally, I'd take the phone too, but there is nothing you can do other than text or call on it, so I'm not all that worried."
"Ok," I said meekly.
"That's it? No 'This is so unfair' or 'I hate you'?" Stef asked, surprised.
"If I ran away from any other home, they would beat me, starve me, lock me in a room or closet, or send me away. So no, no complaints," I said snarkily.
Stef glared at me, and I mumbled a sorry. "Now may I be excused?"
They had a silent conversation which made me very uncomfortable. They both then turned to me. Lena was the one who spoke. "Yes, you may be excused, as long as you promise to never run away. I don't care if you go outside to get some air, but do not ever run from us again."
"I can't promise to never run away, but I can promise to try."
They looked hesitant to accept that answer, so I decided to explain a bit more in the hopes it would make them less skeptical. "Look, running is all I've ever known. If I was in a difficult situation, I'd run. If I didn't want to deal with my feelings, I'd run. If I was just tired of my life, I'd run. Running has become a part of me, and I'm pretty sure it's saved me a few times. Like I've already mentioned, I can't promise it will never happen again. But I know I can try and think before acting next time."
Stef and Lena nodded, so I got up to leave. Before I could, a dark hand grabbed my wrist.
"If you ever need to talk, we're here Emma. We'll always be here."
I had to bite my tongue before I said that they won't always be there. "Ok," I said instead.
I went upstairs to my temporary room and collapsed onto the bed, flat on my stomach with my head in my pillow.
"You alright?" My head shot up at the voice. I relaxed when I saw it was Callie. She had a book in her hands, but she had put it down when I came into the room.
"They grounded me," I said, the disbelief finally catching up to me. "They didn't hit me, take away my meals, or do anything. All they did was ground me."
"Yeah, well like we've said before, we're different from other families."
"You're probably going to have to say that a lot before I actually start to believe it."
"Believe me, I understand."
"Right, you and Jude were in the system."
"Yes, we were. And believe me when I say I know how sucky it is."
I snorted. "That's an understatement."
She let out a shaky laugh. "Yeah, it is." Callie then exhaled before her eyes met mine, clearly debating whether or not she should tell me whatever she wanted to say. She must have decided it was ok, for she began to speak. "I was raped by one of my foster brothers."
That took me off guard. "You were?"
"Yeah. His name was Liam Olmstead." She cleared her throat before she told me the story. "When we first got there, his parents were really nice to me and Jude, and we loved it there. He was the same. He did all these small things for me. I thought they were sweet at the time. Gradually, as time went on, he managed to convince me to start a relationship with him. I knew I shouldn't have, but I didn't care. I thought I was in love with him, and we all know how love can blind us," Callie bitterly stated before continuing. "Soon enough, we were together. We would sneak around in order to avoid his parents. After my 15th birthday had passed, he started suggesting we have sex. I kept telling him I wasn't ready, not knowing how angry I would make him each time I declined. One night, when everyone was asleep, he snuck into my room and told me that he wanted me so badly. He didn't want to take no for an answer this time, and that's when he raped me. I cried and kept telling him no, but he ignored my pleas. The next morning, he had told his parents I had come onto him and kissed him, and Jude and I were removed from their home immediately. I didn't bother trying to tell them the truth, because I never wanted to spend another night there. Jude was crying and asking why I had to like Liam, and I had no choice but to tell him the truth," Callie said while wiping away a few angry tears.
"I'm sorry, Callie."
"I'm not, because it made a part of who I am, and it led me here, to the Fosters."
"So what happened to Liam?"
"He was arrested last year. He was using my credit number and another girl's, Sarah Lewis. I actually met her at a therapy group. I started talking to her once I learned she was a foster kid at the Olmstead's. I revealed myself when I said Liam's name. She got scared and ran, and refused to listen to me. I tried telling her what he did to me the next session, but she claimed I was jealous and that he loved her. I was worried about her, so there was no other option but to tell Stef and Lena that he had raped me. Sarah was removed from their home right away, but she was still seeing him. She even helped him in ruining my credit to put me in debt. They decided to purchase four credit cards in my name, then Sarah would buy expensive handbags, and Liam would resell them. When they were caught, she refused to turn on him until we showed her he was doing the same to her credit with another girl. Sarah then decided she was going to testify against him, and told me and Stef everything, including their relationship. I don't know her punishment, but I do know it was less severe than Liam's since she was a minor and he was manipulating her."
"How did they get caught?" I asked, fully entranced in the story.
"I was volunteering at the center at the time, and Sarah showed up unexpectedly. She was awkward and nervous, and I told her I wasn't mad at her for corroborating the testimony against Liam, and that I was here to help. She thanked me and left, and I spotted her handbag. It looked way too nice and new for someone like her, so I stole it and searched through it. I found four credit cards and a fake ID with my name on all of them. She was then taken into police custody," Callie explained.
"Wow. I'm glad he's in prison now," I said.
"Me too, and he'll be in there for a long time," she replied.
"Not to be rude, but why exactly did you tell me this?"
"I'm just saying I understand, and I'm here if you want to talk."
"Thanks but no thanks," I said exasperated, burying my face into my pillow.
"Woah, what's with the attitude?"
"You guys are all the same. 'Emma, I'm here if you want to talk.' I don't want to talk, I just want to forget about it, and I wish you guys would too!" I said as loud as I could with my face in my pillow.
"You can't just forget it, Emma," Callie said in a stern tone. "Believe me, I've tried, but it just doesn't work. You will have to talk about it eventually. You can try to avoid it as much as you would like, but it always finds a way to interfere in your life. Soon enough, you'll be having nightmares you haven't had in forever and you'll be snapping at everyone. Want to know what I figured out?" She didn't give me any time to answer. "When I told moms about Liam raping me, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. I didn't believe in that sort of thing, but that's what happened. It took me forever to realize there were some things that I couldn't handle on my own, this being one of them. But Emma, if you're worried about being pitied, it's not going to happen. I thought that would happen to me, and instead, moms thanked me for trusting them enough to tell them the truth and told me it took a lot of courage to do so. They thought I was so strong for not giving up after that. Of course, me being me, I didn't think that at the time, but I learned it was true. And Emma, the same is true for you."
"Yeah ok," I mumbled disbelievingly.
Callie sighed. "I'm gonna go downstairs. Breakfast was really good, by the way."
I didn't say anything. I listened to her get off the bed and walk past me out the door. As her footsteps got quieter, tears started to fill my eyes, but I blinked them away when I heard someone else enter the room.
"Emma? Are you ok?" Jude asked.
"Yeah kiddo, I'm ok."
"Ok."
There was some silence before he started talking. "I think moms and Callie are worried about what was happening to me. You know, with those kids."
I took my face out of the pillow and turned my body so I was facing the doorway that Jude was in. "Of course they're worried, they care about you."
"I want to tell them, but I don't want to do it by myself. Will you come with me?" He asked hopefully.
"Sure thing, kid."
He smiled and patiently waited while I stretched before getting off the mattress and headed to him.
"You lead the way," I told him.
He gave me a nervous smile before going downstairs, with me closely behind. We found them in the kitchen, sitting at the table. They looked up when they saw us in the doorway.
"Is everything alright Jude?" Lena asked, seeing how anxious he was.
I gave him a gentle nudge, and he looked at me for reassurance. I smiled at him before following him to the table. He sat down, but I decided to stand behind him and put a comforting hand on his back, offering my support. He swallowed nervously, so I started the conversation.
"Jude has something he'd like to tell you."
"You ok baby?" Stef asked.
"Yeah, I umm," he swallowed again before mustering up all the confidence he had. "I wanted to tell you what's been bothering me. I know you all have been worried."
"You know you can tell us anything, Jude," said Callie.
"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier," he replied.
"Take your time, bubba," said Lena.
"Ivebeengettingbulliedatschool," he said in one breath.
"What was that sweetheart?" Stef questioned kindly.
"I've been getting bullied at school," he said more clearly.
"What?" Lena asked breathless.
"I've been getting bullied. I didn't want to tell you guys because I knew it would make it worse," Jude explained honestly.
"Is that why you only wanted to talk to Emma?" Callie asked.
"Yeah."
"What have they been doing?" Stef asked, tone dangerously frightening.
"Stef," scolded Lena.
"No, Lena, I want to know what they've been doing to my baby."
"It was teasing about having two moms," I said. That froze all of them, so I continued. "They said that having two moms made him soft and that it meant he wouldn't be a real man, but a pussy." I waited for what seemed like hours for someone to respond.
"Mom? Mama? Callie?" Jude asked. That seemed to do the trick, for they snapped out of their comatose-like state.
"Is it too late for me to punch their lights out?" Callie growled.
"Yes because they stopped," Jude revealed.
"Why'd they stop?" asked Lena.
"Because I took Emma's advice," he stated simply.
All eyes turned to me, and I turned red from the sudden attention.
"What was Emma's advice?" Stef asked.
So Jude told them what I told him, and Stef and Lena looked very proud, while Callie looked relieved about the fact that she finally knew what was happening to her brother. When he finished rehashing what happened, Lena came over and hugged us both. Jude relaxed into it, and I did as well after a few seconds.
"Jude, I'm so proud of you for sticking up to those bullies, but next time, please tell us if someone is bothering you." Lena then addressed me. "Emma, thank you for helping Jude. We were so worried, and I'm so glad he felt comfortable enough to share what was happening with you."
"Ok Mama," he responded.
"It really wasn't a problem, he's a good kid."
Callie then got up and hugged Jude, and I saw the gratitude in her eyes when she looked at me.
"My babies," Stef said. When we met her gaze, she spoke again. "I can't even begin to say how sorry I am that this happened to you Jude, but like Mama said, I'm so proud of you for listening to what Emma told you to do and standing up for yourself. But, if this ever happens again, tell an adult so those kids don't do it to other kids, ok?"
We nodded our heads in the affirmative.
"Excellent. Now, come here and give me a hug," she said.
Jude went over there and hugged her, then told Callie to go to the living room with him so she could play a game with him. She readily agreed, and I was left awkwardly with Stef and Lena in the kitchen.
"Come here, my love. I need an Emma hug," Stef said with a pout.
I couldn't help but smile at how childish she looked. I went over to her, and I was engulfed into a hug. Once again, I felt warm, safe, and secure, like nothing could harm me as long as I was in Stef's arms. I let out a content sigh while wondering how I was going to be able to leave when the time came. They've all snuck into my heart, and I'm not sure I want them to go, because this place? Well, it feels like home.