Guest: Thank you :D

Ah yes, chapter 10 of Ten Sides. I tried to make this one a bit deeper to celebrate. xD

Hands.

Azula is transfixed by her hands.

They certainly weren't blue but those were flames. Real flames. She rubs her hands over her face, she thinks that it might be a fluke, something born purely of rage-no, desperation. She is afraid to test it, she doesn't want to see. To find that her flames are still as weak as they were before she'd lashed out.

She isn't entirely sure where to go from here. Her stomach sinks, she should know where to go. At the very least she should be able to think of something. It isn't as though she hasn't been on her own before and left to her own devices.

Her stomach flutters twice over; the last time she'd been left on her own…

Perhaps she has never been a strong person at all. Perhaps she has always been broken and weak. Perhaps her mind has never been her own. Azula swallows. And that's just it isn't it? There is no real her to return to. There is her father's her, but there is no authentic her. She slumps against the nearest tree that she can find and nuzzles her head into it.

But she was confident. She was clever and sharp-witted. She was fierce and driven. Those have to be her own. Even if her choices hadn't been. Even if she'd only ever followed orders. She wracks her fist against her head. Clearly she hasn't shaken the Avatar's influence even slightly. Her father loves her. She wanted to help him. She wants to help him.

The fluttering in her tummy turns to a more pleasant tickle of relief. She has her solution, her direction. She will find her father. Find him and will make the Avatar bend to her will, the way it should be. The way it always should have been.

And if she can do that she will know that there is nothing left of him floating around her mind and spirit energy.

A small smirk tugs at her lips. It will be easy. She already has his trust, she will only have to play the conflicted, frightened, pathetic part.

Even still, in the back of her mind, she fears that she won't have to do any acting at all.

The fire in her belly still doesn't seem to burn as hot.

.oOo.

He doesn't expect to see her emerge from the forest.

But she stands there, lingers at the treeline, locks eyes with him.

"You came back?" he smiles.

She makes no move to come closer and he is almost certain that she will wander off again or slam another fist full of fire at him. Instead she walks a half circle around him and drops herself to the jungle floor.

"I can't be alone."

He isn't entirely sure why this makes him so queasy. "I think that you could survive just fine on your own. You got me good this morning." He lifts his shirt and shows her the angry red burn on his side.

"It was a lucky shot." Azula mumbles.

"You've always been lucky."

"According to Zuko?"

He flinches.

"Have you ever thought to ask me if I thought that I was lucky?"

He rubs the back of his head. At least she has some bite back. "I guess that I haven't? Do you think that you're lucky."

"That's none of your business. Unless…"

He sighs, "I'd like to pry it out of you? I don't want that. I only said that I was going to altere your spirit energy to get you to fight back." Raava what has he done to her? He has taken her paranoia and given it backing. He has done exactly the opposite to her psyche than what he had promised to do.

.oOo.

"In other words, you've found a new way of getting me to do exactly what you want me to do?" She must admit that she is rather impressed. Impressed and chilled to the core all over again. Knowing that he can play with her like that even without tapping into his special skill sets

She very nearly laughs; he is more like her than she can ever be. She clenches her fist, all the more reason to take him out.

"No!" He bursts. "It was there! I saw it! You wanted to fight back. I don't think that you would have if you didn't want to. Right? Please tell me I'm right?"

And yet he sounds almost desperate. Almost as helpless as she.

"I'm trying, Azula, I am." He swears. "I want to make this right. But I don't know how. Maybe this sounds weird but...I also don't know when you're making a decision or when I'm making it for you."

She swallows.

Swallows and shifts uneasily because she agrees.

And for the first time she truly considers that his intentions aren't wicked. She can't imagine that it would distress him so if he was trying to break her. Truly and utterly break and destroy her.

"I said that I was going to help you." He frowns. "But I made it worse, I made it all worse and I added new problems."

She agrees with this too. "Yes. You did." She has never been a trusting person before, but now she can't even trust herself. "You can't help me Avatar, because your help doesn't feel real." Nothing feels real. Nothing since the day her father had abandoned her to chase domination.

And maybe it isn't real. Maybe none of this is real after all...

"Then can you let me take you to someone who can."

"And who do you think that might be?"

"I don't know. Anyone but me. Katara's…"

"I tried to kill Katara. Well it was meant to coax Zuzu to take the hit but, I think that you know what I'm getting at."

"Zuko could help you. He wants you to get better too."

She shakes her head. "He wants to shape me into...into the same thing that you and Sangyul were going for. Or something like that. Don't you understand Aang? Nobody wants me to recover." She pauses. "They want me to come out as a brand new person." And it is working. Oh Agni it is working, even if it isn't the change they had in mind.

She toys again with the idea that none of this is real. That Aang isn't here at all; that her mind is riddled with conflict, that her own mind is pushing her to be someone else entirely.

"I guess that I never thought about it like that." Aang says quietly. "I want you to recover, Azula. I guess that I've done a pretty poor job of showing it, but I do want you to be you. I want you to recover, not some uncanny version of you."

"Uncanny?"

"To be honest, it was really unsettling to see you like that. It might have felt real to you, when your aura was pink and red, but it felt fake to me."

"Then why did you wait so long to get me out of there?" She grits her teeth.

"Because I was scared." He admits. "And. And I think that there really was a part of me that thought that I could force you to be happy." He laughs and she must say that he is rather uncanny himself. "It sounds really stupid out loud. I was so busy pulling strings in your mind that I forgot to check on my own threads."

She has never seen eyes so bleak.

"Did you mean that?"

"Yes. I really was scared and I really did think that I was helping you for a while."

"No." She shakes her head. "Did you mean that you wanted me to recover even if that means I'll be the same person that you all resent."

Aang is quiet for a long time. "Is it really recovery if the person who comes out is totally different? That's not recovery, it's a different kind of problem."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Because I don't know how to."

"Don't know how, or don't want to?"

"Don't know how."

"You don't know a lot of things, Avatar."

.oOo.

He wishes that she were wrong. He wishes that she were wrong about a lot of things.

It isn't that he doesn't know how. He knows what he wants to say, what he means. But he doesn't know how to say it. Not without sounding conniving.

"I think that…" he trails off into a sigh. "Yes I do want you to recover even if you're still intimidating and ruthless and all of that." He wonders if this is what she wants to hear. "But that's the thing. I don't think that it will be like that."

She tilts her head, only slightly. But it is enough to compel him to elaborate. "If you go through the process, you're going to change Azula. But it will be...natural." He smiles. "That's kind of what recovery is. Some part of you changes. But you won't be unrecognizable. That's what I want for you."