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Sebastian heard the garage door go up and then close. He stepped out into the garage and helped Kurt bring their things back inside. He grabbed the high chair seat and fastened it back on the frame. He went back out to grabbed Aliza's diaper bag and her carrier. When she saw him a huge smile spread across her face and she grabbed for him. He unclipped her straps and took her out and hugged her.
"It's good to see you too," he said, as he smiled back at her. She leaned into him. He managed to grab her bag and shut the back door. He met Kurt coming back out.
"Well, it looks like you have what I came back for. She looks happy to see you." Kurt stopped on the step.
"I'm happy to see her too. I just told her so. Didn't I, beautiful?" Sebastian kissed her on the cheeks.
Aliza giggled and smiled even bigger.
Kurt turned around and went back inside. He closed and locked the door and rearmed the alarm.
"I have her bottle ready. I'll go change her while you get your coat put away."
Kurt hung his coat in the closet and heard squealing when Sebastian went into the girls' room. He went right in and found Rose in her spinning bouncy chair still smiling and walked towards her.
When she saw him she squealed again. "Da-da-da-da."
Kurt's face went ashen. He smiled at Rose and kissed her on the forehead. He moved over to the changing table. "I'm sorry. I'll finish Aliza." He put his hand on her chest.
Sebastian stepped out of the way. "Sure. I'll go get their bottles." He came back a few minutes later and got Rose out of the seat to take her into the living room. He left Aliza's bottle sitting in the middle of her crib since Kurt hadn't finished changing her yet.
Kurt laid her in her crib and gave her the bottle. He put her coat in the closet and stood there for a few minutes still shaken.
Sebastian came back a few minutes later to check on him. "Are you coming?"
"Um, yeah. I'll be right there." He waited until Sebastian had left the room before he picked Aliza up. He went down to the living room and sat down next to Sebastian.
Rose pushed her bottle away and sat up and grabbed for him as he sat down. "Da-da-da-da-da!"
Sebastian held her back from being able to grab Kurt's shirt, but she screamed and fought to get closer. Kurt stood up and put Rose down on the sofa next to Sebastian so he could put his hand on her chest. Kurt took Rose and sat back down. He took her bottle from Sebastian and held her. Sebastian turned to pick up Aliza, who squealed and kicked her feet in excitement.
Rose grabbed for Kurt's nose, obviously wanting to play.
"Did you steal my nose?" he asked, teasingly. "I need that." He put his hand over hers and pretended to take it back and put it on. He scrunched up his face and eyebrows, making sure it was on straight.
She laughed at him.
"What's the matter? Did I put it on sideways?" he checked and felt around his face. "It seems to be on the right way."
She laughed at him again and grabbed for his ear.
"Now, wait there, Missy. I need that." He took his "ear" back and put it back on.
She was laughing really hard.
Kurt kissed her on the forehead. "You're supposed to be drinking this, not stealing stuff off my face."
She smiled and put the bottle in her mouth. She paused and pulled it out.
"Put that back in," Kurt teased.
She'd stick it in for a few seconds and pull it out again, laughing and kicking her feet.
"You need to drink that, Miss Rose," he kissed her on the forehead again.
"I told you she missed you two," Sebastian said, as he watched them playing. "You know, she only plays that game with you. She never tries to steal my nose."
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Kurt sat down on the sofa after he put Aliza to bed. Sebastian came out a few minutes later and sat down as well. Neither one of them said anything for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry about Rose."
"I heard you say you were sorry earlier in the room, but I didn't know what for. Why are you apologizing?"
"She's calling me 'Dada'."
"Oh. I figured that out the first morning you were gone. She kept pointing to your spot at the table and yelling 'Da-da-da-da' very annoyed when you didn't come out to eat with us. I'm not upset. You call yourself 'Daddy' around her all the time. I know you don't say it specifically to her, but she hears it all the time. You know she knows the names of a lot of things. So, she thinks your name is 'Daddy'. When I said you went bye-bye for a while, she wouldn't eat what I was trying to feed her. No amount of singing got her to eat what I had, not even the fruit. I gave up and gave her a sippy cup with her formula in it. Anyway, it's been a long four days."
Kurt nodded in agreement. "It has."
"I'm pretty sure that 'am-am-am-am' is 'Amaline'. She's been crawling around in the playard saying that as well. I know she knows Aliza's name, but if she's trying to say it, I haven't picked out anything that sounds remotely close, but it's a really hard name to say. I looked it up. No schoolwork leads me to research unusual topics." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and a couple of seconds later, Kurt's phone pinged. "I sent you the article."
Kurt smiled. "Thanks." Kurt tried to will himself into telling Sebastian how much he had missed him, but he couldn't quite muster up the nerve.
Sebastian shifted and turned so that he was sitting half criss-cross and facing Kurt. "I missed you as much as Rose did."
Kurt turned and looked at him, still trying to will himself to be brave. "I missed you too. I, um… There's something I need to tell you."
Sebastian's heart dropped. Oh, God. He's figured out that I like him and he's going to try to let me down easy. He's going to say he's moving out or he's moving back in with his parents.
Kurt took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm in love with you."
Sebastian chuckled.
"I'll look for another place." He started to get up.
"Kurt, no. Stop." He reached for his hand. "Stay, please."
Kurt scooted back.
"I didn't laugh because of what you said. Well, I did, but only because I'm in love with you too and I was freaking out that you were going to say you were going to move back in with your parents or that you had figured it out and were going to tell me that you had found a new place to live and you just wanted to be friends."
Kurt let out the breath he had realized he was holding. "You're serious?"
He nodded. "I'm completely serious."
Kurt looked at their hands and wriggled a bit and interlaced their fingers. "I spent most of the time that I was at work thinking about the two of you and Aliza. I missed being home with the three of you." He ran his thumb along Sebastian's. He looked up again. "Will you be my boyfriend?"
A huge grin appeared on Sebastian's face, "Well, since I am love with you, I suppose that would be okay." He winked at Kurt.
"Just okay?"
"Probably amazing."
"So, is that a 'yes'?"
"Definitely yes." He squeezed Kurt's hand. "Why don't you take a shower and change and we can watch a movie?"
"Sounds good. You can pick while I'm gone." He squeezed Sebastian's hand before he let go.
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Kurt could barely contain his enthusiasm and took the quickest shower possible since he had already showered after work. Ten minutes later, he was dressed in his pajama pants, warm socks, and a hoodie, which was exactly what Sebastian was wearing.
He turned the lights off in the dining room after he walked through. Sebastian had already turned the lights off in the living room, but Kurt could see his way to the sofa by the light of the TV screen. When Kurt got close enough, Sebastian stood up. He opened arms and Kurt stepped into them and wrapped his arms around Sebastian, who in turn did the same.
Sebastian said, "I've wanted to do this for so long."
"Me too."
"Your hair's not wet."
"I took a shower earlier when I got off."
"Makes sense. You're probably pretty grimy after working on cars all day."
"Mmm hmm." Kurt lifted his head back up off of Sebastian's shoulder. "Movie?"
"In a minute. Can I kiss you?"
Kurt nodded and leaned in. He tipped his chin up just slightly. Sebastian met him and pressed his lips to Kurt's. Kurt felt like a bucket of something warm had been poured inside him. He moaned quietly and kissed back – just chase kisses, but with fire in them. Sebastian felt like he had been set on fire. He groaned slightly when Kurt pulled back. He opened his eyes to find Kurt looking directly into his soul.
"Okay?" Kurt asked.
"So much more than okay. Definitely amazing."
Kurt smiled. "I agree." He leaned back in and resumed the kissing, which lasted for a minute or so, still chaste kisses but with so much heat in them. Kurt had to reign himself in. He had never been so turned on by a simple kiss. He pulled back again and leaned back into Sebastian's neck and hugged him again. "Let's sit down and watch the movie you picked."
"Okay." Sebastian reluctantly loosened his hold on Kurt. "Help me move this. After we go to visit my grandparents the next time, we can go to Ikea and get a real ottoman. With Rose up and moving around, she'll be trying to stand in the near future, I'd rather remove the sharp-cornered table before that."
They moved the blanket-covered coffee table to the corner of the sectional. Sebastian pulled the TV mount away from the wall and turned it towards the corner as well. He climbed into the corner and sat down. He patted the spot next to him. Kurt sat down next to him.
"You can sit closer."
Kurt didn't move. "I'll squish you."
"Unlikely." He raised his arm and Kurt scooted closer. Sebastian let his arm down around Kurt's shoulders. He pressed play. The Nightmare Before Christmas started.
Kurt chuckled, "Is this your idea of a romantic movie?"
"I thought watching a movie we've both seen a bunch of times would be romantic. That way you won't miss anything when I kiss you during the movie. Plus, Sally and Jack get together, so it is romantic."
"You make a good point. I take back what I said about it not being romantic." He kissed Sebastian on the cheek. He leaned in and got comfortable. When Jack started wandering through the cemetery, Kurt began to sing along softly. He was about halfway through the song before he realized what he was doing. "Sorry." He quit singing.
Sebastian pressed pause. "You weren't bothering me. No need to apologize."
"Okay. I've never watched this with anyone, so it just slipped out. I can be quiet. I know it gets on people's nerves."
"You weren't getting on my nerves. I've heard you sing along with videos before, plenty of times."
"That was with the girls."
"It didn't bother me then, and it's not bothering me now. I didn't know you could sing that low though."
"Oh. I have a 3-octave range."
"You're really good at sound creepy like Jack. That surprised me more than you singing along."
"I'll show you the video of me playing Riff Raff sometime. One day when the girls are bigger, we can all dress up as something scary for Halloween instead of teddy bears."
Sebastian swooned. When the girls are bigger. "I'm not sure I can pull off scary. I've never really tried."
"We'll see. I'm pretty good with make up. I do a good Ursula impression as well." He sang a few lines.
Those poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need.
This one longs to be thinner.
That one wants to get the girl.
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed!
Sebastian pretended to shiver. "Very creepy. I'm sure the girls will love it when they get big enough to watch The Little Mermaid."
Kurt heart skipped a beat when he realized what Sebastian had implied and that he was smiling about it. He overcame the nervousness he was still feeling and reached out and gently put his hand on Sebastian's jaw. He guided Sebastian to turn towards him and he kissed him. Sebastian responded and kissed him back. The same wave of warmth flowed through Kurt. I could totally get used to this. Snuggles and kisses.
"When I wrote on Rose's baby calendar today, I realized that you moved in two and a half months ago."
"During which, I found out that you are a really great housemate. Let's just talk." He reached down the sofa to where the two throw pillows were and he grabbed them. He handed one to Sebastian. "Scoot down and lie on your side." Kurt put the second pillow down and lay down facing Sebastian. He leaned forward and kissed him again gently before he put his head down on the pillow.
"I was really glad when you agreed to stay. Having you here just felt right, even before I was ready to admit how much I liked you. I needed some time to process everything. And having you here actually made that a lot easier. By then, you were spending about half of your evenings here already. When you moved in, I got to see more of you, not just time-wise, but more of who you are. It's easy to be someone you're not when other people are around, especially if it's just for short periods of time. But when I saw you continue to be who you had been after you moved in, I fell hard and fast, which surprised me since it's never happened before. You know I've never had a boyfriend. I told you that."
"And we've talked about how much I learned about myself from what I went through. My heart has healed though. You're not a rebound in any way. At this point, all of that is ancient history to me. It ended over a year ago. It was a high school romance that didn't survive the reality of adult life. It happens a lot. I guess if there's something you want to ask about that, now's the time because I'd really rather just leave the past in the past. It has no bearing on my choices now, other than helping me to hone my selection process." He reached out and put his hand on Sebastian's upper arm and squeezed just slightly. He slid his hand the rest of the way down his arm and took his hand and brought it up between them and interlaced their fingers. "So, questions?"
"A couple. I know you went back to stay at your parents so you could work. I'm assuming that you need the money you were going to make."
"Yeah – to pay Amaline."
"I know the topic of money is a touchy one for most people, but will you please let me cover that? It's a purely selfish request anyway. I just want you and Aliza here with us for winter break. Maybe you could consider it my Christmas gift to the two of you?"
"That's sweet, but still way beyond a reasonable Christmas gift budget."
"Kurt, I love you and Aliza and I admit that I was scared to tell you because I was afraid of losing the two of you. I wanted this, but I wanted your friendship too much to say anything. I confess that I lay in bed the night before you were leaving really upset that you were going. When you texted earlier tonight and said you were coming home, I was sad that things weren't going well for you, but I was really glad you were coming back."
"Me too – about both of those." Kurt brought Sebastian's hand closer and kissed his knuckles.
"I want you to hear me out, okay?"
Kurt nodded.
"I had gotten into Columbia, which, as I said, is where my dad went to school. He and my mom had enough money pay for me to get my degree there. The cost difference between going here and there is significant. So, even if I keep back the money to do my Master's at Columbia, I will still have a lot left over. I'm not telling you this to flaunt anything. I just want you to know that it's not going to be a burden to pay Amaline to watch Aliza."
Kurt thought about what Sebastian had said.
"Before you decide, I want to make sure you know that the money for the utilities, insurance, food, and paying Amaline for caring for Rose are not coming out of that money. Please say yes, even if you insist on paying me back at some point in the future after you've gotten your first job."
"Okay. You've convinced me, but only because I don't want to leave any more than you want me to. I'll work on finding a job as the semester ends so that I can work here in Dublin over the summer."
"So, you'll stay?"
"If at all possible. I did agree to cover the guys' vacations, but my dad may be willing to just run the shop a man short rather than deal with a crying baby while he's home all day. He's struggling as well. He loved Finn, but it's more than that. It's like he lost Carole as well. She's not herself. I told him that he should try to get her some help. The stress level there is very high. Obviously, Aliza can feel it too. If I agree to this, to you paying Amaline for caring for Aliza too, it can only be this. I don't want it to somehow shift the balance we have. I don't want to suddenly be on the receiving end of you offering to pay for me when we go out or when we order in. I can and I have budgeted. The childcare expense was why I needed to work. I started paying for it in October when I had budgeted to start paying in January. I can still afford to do what we've been doing."
"I get that. I won't patronize you. I haven't been so far, and I don't intend to start. I really just want you two here with the two of us. You worked hard to earn the money you have. I've never worked a regular job. I've tutored people before, but that's not quite the same because I did it to pad my college applications. Me paying Amaline for both girls will not change how I've been treating you."
"Okay."
"Really? You have to be sure that you can keep the balance we've had knowing that I'm covering the cost. I don't want you to begin to treat me differently either."
"I won't."
"Do you have any questions for me?"
"I guess just whether or not you want people to know. Are you going to tell your grandparents? Should I not tell my parents?"
"I'm not embarrassed or ashamed. Are you?"
"Not at all."
Sebastian scooted a little closer and kissed Kurt. "I wasn't planning on hiding it. I know that traditional dating is complicated by the fact that we have the girls, but I think if we work at it, we can still carve out time for just the two of us, like right now. And with Amaline here day until 2:00 on weekdays, I think we can find at least an hour or two for a daytime date, even just meeting up on campus to eat lunch together."
"We already do that."
"I know. We can keep doing it. I don't see anything big to change about our relationship. We already work together really well. We don't fight. You're a bit harsh on yourself sometimes, but I can be tough on myself as well, so I understand that tendency. But we've been living together successfully for two and a half months already. The love has already been there, unspoken, but visible, so we just keep doing what we're doing, but with hugs and kisses and snuggles."
"Is that all you want?" Kurt kissed Sebastian's knuckles again.
"What do you mean?" He stopped to think for a few seconds. "Are you asking me if I want to have sex?"
Kurt nodded almost imperceptibly.
"I do when we're both ready for that. We've never talked about our first times or sexual history, but we can if you want. I'll just tell you that mine wasn't optimal. It was when I was in Paris. I was 15. It was consensual. But with us I want … not that. I think you're really sexy and I absolutely find you attractive, if that's what you're wondering."
Kurt nodded.
Sebastian let go of Kurt's hand and reached over and put his hand on the side of Kurt's face. "I think you're gorgeous. And anything negative I said two years ago was just flatly untrue. I know you don't want me to apologize anymore, so I won't." He ran his thumb across Kurt's lips. "You have no idea how many times I fought myself to keep from taking your hand when we were reading to the girls. Or how many times I wished you'd kiss me when you'd kiss Rose on the forehead when I was holding her." He slid his hand behind Kurt's neck and moved closer and kissed him. "You're really beautiful on the inside and out and I love you."
They spent several minutes kissing, not pushing each other, just enjoying their leisurely pace.
After they pulled back to take a breath, Kurt pressed in one last time with a soft kiss. "I love you too." He took a deep breath to steel himself to say what he wanted to say. "My first time was awkward because it didn't happen. I couldn't go through with it. He and I hadn't done anything besides barely more than kiss chastely when you met him. The night he got drunk at Scandals, he wanted to have sex in the back of his car. I refused." He paused.
"That's why you brought him back in and made him drink two bottles of water. You had me follow you to his house, and then drive you home."
"He walked off angry. He claimed he was going to walk home, obviously not thinking about the fact that he drove me to Scandals in his car. I had to think of something. I needed to get home before midnight. It was a school night for us. Anyway, the next night I told him I wanted to go to his house. I psyched myself up to the best of my ability. I tried to give him what he wanted, but I couldn't bring myself to go through with it. We just lay in his bed kissing, not making it past taking our shirts off down to our undershirts. Over the winter and spring, he seemed to lose interest. He said he was pulling away to practice what it would be like when I was gone. Anyway, I met this guy at the music store in the spring and he asked for my number. He started sending me cheesy, flirty texts. Blaine saw and publicly accused me of cheating on him. He sang a very angry version of 'It's Not Right, But it's Okay' to me in Glee. I responded by singing 'I Have Nothing'. I decided to prove to him that I only loved him and that the other guy wasn't on my radar as anything more than a potential friend in New York City. I agreed to block him and never text him again."
"That was harsh considering how much time he spent texting me."
"I pointed that out, but he didn't see the parallels. I didn't want to lose him. I did a better job of convincing myself, but still couldn't bring myself to go all the way. That happened a little over a month later, after Senior Prom. I still wasn't ready, but I went through with it anyway. We had been together over a year."
"As I said, I was 15. I mentioned worming my way into the popular crowd by pretending to be a cool American. I got a fake ID. I started hanging out in dance clubs with them a couple of nights a week. I caught the attention of a guy who was 20. He flirted, bought me a drink – just one, and we danced. Eventually, after a week or two, we kissed. He kept pursuing me, and wooing me in a way, by paying so much attention to me when I was at the club. He told me that he only went to the club two nights a week and I started going on those same two nights. I eventually became his go-to hookup on the nights we went clubbing there. He lived nearby and we went to his place after we danced for a while. He was a good host and offered me non-alcoholic drinks and food. It was completely consensual. I agreed, but I wasn't ready. He was experienced and he lived up to his claim of 'making it good for me' in that he never hurt me and he took the time to make it enjoyable for me. He wanted to get off several times on the nights I was there, so that's what we did. It was all physical. Afterwards, he'd let me shower and we'd go back to the club and dance some more. I'd leave with the guys from school. This went on for about seven months. The turning point was when I went to a different club a couple of blocks from the first one on a different day of the week and I saw him with another guy my age that I recognized from lacrosse. I had turned 16 by then. I think until I actually saw him with someone else, I just sort of pushed that possibility out of my mind and focused on the attention he paid to me when I was there. He was really good at making me feel like I was important to him and I never considered that he might meet up with other guys on different nights at other clubs. I was young and naïve. I thought he was really into me, despite the hookup aspect of the whole situation. It felt like dating in a way because we had set days we met up and he was really decent. He made it so that I'd want to come back. Afterwards, I realized that he was basically just picking out barely legal teens, and for the cost of one drink, he was basically buying our services for the evening. I came away from the whole thing pretty hurt."
"He was basically using you, the other guy, and who knows who else like high-end escorts without the high price for him."
"Pretty much. He had obviously perfected the game. He got laid multiple times every evening he went clubbing all for the cost of a lightweight drink of some sort, just enough to loosen us up and take the edge off. But what was I going to do about it? Anyone under 18 involved with him would have gotten in trouble for the fake IDs and underage drinking. The age of consent in France is 15 and we were the ones using fake IDs to get into the clubs. He wouldn't have gotten in any trouble at all. Since we were in the clubs, he could say that he thought we were old enough to drink, meaning that we were definitely old enough to consent to sex."
"He had his bases covered."
"And we were young and naïve, which is good reason why there are legal drinking ages. He could have been running the same thing with four other teens besides the one I saw. For all I know, he was 25 and just looked young and lied. There's no way to know, but now being close to 20, the idea of having sex with a 15-year-old isn't the least bit appealing. Anyway, now you know. I knew that love is real. I had seen it in both sets of grandparents, my aunt and uncle, and my own parents. I was also a 15-year-old with a fake ID, who was being groomed by a hot 20-something guy who knew how to convince me that he was really into me. Like I said, I was naïve and I just didn't see what was going on for a long time. If I hadn't gone to that other club that night, who knows how long it would have continued before I figured it out."
"Probably until you got old enough to catch on or until you saw him somewhere else at some later point in time. He was a predator. Perhaps, a physically kind and gentle one, but he preyed on barely-legal teens."
"So, now you know. You're the first person I've ever told."
"Me too. Everyone at school assumed that we had started having sex long before we did, and they made inaccurate assumptions about how things went when we finally did. But since we weren't even having sex at the time, I just ignored them and gave them a mind-your-own-business ice glare."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Why were you so hesitant?"
"When my dad gave me 'The Talk', he told me that having sex would affect my heart and my self-esteem. He told me that when I was ready it should be a meaningful way of connecting with someone and that I should remember that I matter. When Blaine was trying to coerce me in the back of his car, I didn't feel like I mattered at all. I said 'no' like ten times. I had to keep pushing his hands off of me and when I finally got loose, he took offense to me being upset about it. It didn't feel like a way of meaningfully connecting. It felt like my opinion didn't matter."
"It didn't."
"I know that people counted from when we started dating in March, so it was around seven months at that point. But we only dated for a couple of weeks before I went back to McKinley and we only saw each other on a few weekends until school got out. And then he worked at Six Flags all summer. So a couple of weeks, plus a few weekend dates and then he was gone for three months. We had been back attending the same school for about two months. And I had lost some of my trust in him when he read for Tony."
"I can understand that."
"In the end, he threw what we had away for a quick fuck, which isn't really the topic at hand. I have one last one for you, but you can ask me anything first."
"Did you blame me for what happened that night?"
"I only saw you give him the one beer. If he got more from you I didn't see it. He was either acting more drunk that he was or he got more alcohol at some point. I blamed you for existing and making things harder for me, but I didn't blame you for his actions. He knew he didn't handle alcohol well. He drove us there. He knew not to get drunk. He chose to anyway. That's on him, not you."
"Just so you know, I did not give him anymore to drink that night. I guess I have one last question. Does knowing what I told you change your mind about us?"
"Not at all. I guess I just have one more for you. Given what you told me, have you been tested for STDs?"
"Yes. The guys I hung around with took me the first time after I 'scored'. I started going monthly after that. I went for three more months after I quit going to the club. I haven't been with anyone else, but I'll go again if you want me to. I don't mind."
"I went after Blaine told me, just in case it hadn't been his first time cheating on me. I didn't want to risk it. But I haven't been since then. We can go together if you want."
"We can go one day this next week."
"Sure." He sighed. "What you told me makes me dislike Blaine a lot. I can understand why what I did and said hurt you in ways I had never considered at the time. I know that you've forgiven me. I can't say that I understand how you can, but I'm really glad that you have. My life is so much better with you in it."
"Who knew you could be so sappy?" Kurt leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you. Snarky or sappy. You're funny and sweet and generous."
"And you're sexy, hilarious at times, and kinder than most people deserve. And I love you too."
Before they had time to talk about anything else, they heard one of the girls wake up and start to fuss. Before he moved so they could get up, Kurt leaned in and quickly kissed Sebastian once more.