A/N: Here we are again. I hope you're prepared for a huge surprise. Enjoy!
Dr. Lentz's office was freezing, but Jenny was so used to being cold that she didn't even notice her own shivering as she sat across from him in the small room. He gave her a smile as he held out his hand, and when she finally reached for it, he frowned at the coldness of her skin.
"Would you like me to turn up the heat?"
She shook her head, still trying to sort through the madness in her head long enough to explain why she'd even made the appointment in the first place.
"I'm so glad you decided to see me again, Jenny. I know that can't have been easy for you to do, and I want you to know that you've taken a huge step in the right direction."
Still, she stayed silent, twisting her hands in her lap, and when he gave her another smile, she didn't even notice it.
"So, what prompted you to come in today?"
Jenny frowned, shaking her head slowly.
"My...my living room was completely destroyed this morning."
"Okay."
"And I don't know how it happened. My fiance was gone, I was the only one in the house, and there was blood on my hand...it matched the wall, so...it had to have been me. But I don't remember any of it. I don't know if I was angry, scared, bouncing off the walls...I'm so confused."
Dr. Lentz nodded, looking at her seriously.
"What's the last thing that you do remember?"
Thinking hard, Jenny was horrified to discover that she had no recollection of anything past falling asleep the previous night, and she shook her head again.
"I went to bed last night, after the office Christmas party. That's all I remember."
"And did you drink at the party?"
She nodded.
"A few, but I didn't think it would make that much of a difference. I've been much more drunk than that before and didn't lose my memory."
"It won't happen every time you drink, Jenny, but you have to understand that alcohol will override the effects of the medication you're taking. Combine that with everything that you've gone through in the past few months, and I'm not surprised that this happened. Does your fiance know you're here right now?"
"No," she answered quietly, "I was too embarrassed to tell him. If I do that, it's like having a neon sign above my head that lets everyone know I'm crazy."
Dr. Lentz looked at her with something akin to sympathy, and shook his head.
"You're not crazy, Jenny. You're sick. This is an illness, and while it can be difficult, it is also manageable. You simply have to change a few aspects of your daily routine. Get plenty of sleep, drink in careful moderation, and take your medication as directed. Are you willing to do that?"
She nodded slowly, feeling a bit like a chastised child, and when Dr. Lentz smiled at her, she was instantly on high alert.
"Since I don't usually see patients on the weekend, I am afraid that I have to cut this a bit short, but I want you to give me a call if you need to talk before your next appointment. If it's an emergency, don't hesitate to go to the hospital, but until I see you again in two weeks, I'm going to change the dosage of your Wellbutrin. It's just a slightly higher milligram, but it should help with the racing thoughts, and hopefully you won't feel quite so out of control."
Jenny took the piece of paper he handed her, placing it carefully in her coat pocket, and when stood to walk her to the door, he met her eyes seriously.
"Tell your fiance where you were today. I think it would make you feel less anxious about it, and I'm sure he'll be more than understanding."
Thanking him quietly, she stepped out of the office, pulling her coat more tightly around her as the snow fell, hoping that he was right. After all, she didn't think she could handle it if Gibbs gave up on her, too.
Two days before Christmas, the truck that Jenny had purchased for Gibbs was delivered to her house, and though she knew it would have been better if she waited, she was simply too excited. Picking up her phone, she called him as fast as her shaking fingers would allow, and when she heard his familiar greeting, it took all of her self-control not to interrupt him.
"Yeah. Gibbs."
"Jethro, where are you?"
"A strip club," he answered dryly.
"Cute," she said, rolling her eyes, "I mean it. I need you to come to my house. It's important."
"What's wrong?"
His tone instantly shifted, and she shook her head although he couldn't see her.
"Nothing. But I need you to be here. Please?"
She heard him sigh, and for a moment, she was worried that he would refuse her. Aries, sleeping on her couch, didn't even look up as she sat down next to him, and when Gibbs finally answered her in the affirmative, she pulled the puppy into her arms happily.
"Thank you. Be safe."
"I will. Love you."
"Love you, too."
She hung up, all but throwing her phone down on the table, and Aries stared up at her sleepily as she began to scratch behind his ears.
"Daddy's going to be so happy, Aries."
He wagged his tail, laying his head back down on her lap, and as she waited for Gibbs to arrive, she carefully maneuvered him back under his blanket, setting off to the kitchen. She began heating a saucepan of milk on the stove, watching it intently to make sure it didn't scorch, and as soon as she was satisfied with the temperature, she poured it into a large mug, stirring in her hot chocolate mix. It was much too hot for her to drink immediately, and as she searched her refrigerator for cold milk, her eyes lit up as they landed on the bottle of peppermint schnapps on the shelf.
Pulling it out, she poured a generous measure into the mug, stirring it to evenly cool, and when she added whipped cream with a sprinkling of cinnamon on top, she was feeling quite proud of herself. Dr. Lentz's warnings about drinking never once entered her mind as she took a slow sip, loving the way the mint made her lips tingle. She made her way back into the living room, turning on the Christmas tree and other decorative lights as she went, and by the time Gibbs pulled up to her house ten minutes later, she was feeling pleasantly buzzed.
When the front door opened, she frowned, confused for a moment, and as he placed her spare key back where he'd found it, she relaxed. Jenny had deliberately parked her own car in front of the new truck, hoping he hadn't paid much attention to it, and when his eyes landed on her bright smile, he was more than a little confused.
"What's so urgent, Jen? I was in the middle of working on the boat."
She waved his words away, taking another drink of her hot chocolate and emptying the cup.
"That's nothing new. Come on. I have something to show you, but you have to keep your eyes closed."
He frowned, and when she stood up, grabbing his wrist, he shook his head.
"What is it?"
"It's a surprise, Jethro. Now, close your eyes."
Sighing, he did as she asked, allowing her to lead him to the door, and when she came to a sudden stop on the front porch, his confusion only intensified.
"Okay, open your eyes. Look behind my car and tell me what you see."
He did so, unsure of what he was meant to be seeing, and frowned as he glanced at her.
"Snow. And a truck. So?"
Jenny reached into her pocket with her right hand, grabbing his hand with her left, and when she dropped the keys to the truck into his palm, he merely stared at them in disbelief.
"I don't—"
"The truck, Jethro! It's yours. I know I should have waited until Friday to give it to you, but I was too excited."
He frowned, looking at the truck briefly before turning his eyes to her again, shaking his head.
"You...you bought me a truck?"
She nodded.
"To replace the one you lost. Go! Look at it. Tell me what you think!"
Jenny practically shoved him off the porch, nearly bouncing with excitement as he walked carefully through the snow, and when he ran his hand slowly over the body of the truck, he couldn't stop the smile that crossed his face. With brand new tires, a spacious bed and cab, a deep blue paint job, and a total of twenty miles on the odometer, it was truly a thing of beauty.
Gibbs opened the door, inhaling the scent that only belonged to new vehicles, and as he ran his hand across the soft interior, he felt an almost overwhelming sense of love wash over him. He closed the door, locking it securely, and when he walked back up the icy steps to stand next to Jenny, he stared at her in silent wonder.
"It's perfect."
"You mean it?"
He nodded, pulling her close to him and lifting her off her feet, spinning her in a quick circle.
"I love it. Almost as much as I love you."
"Tony helped me decide which one to buy."
Now all of their whispered conversations in her office made perfect sense, and as Gibbs swept her up into his arms and kicked her front door shut, he made a mental note to go easy on the Senior Field Agent after the holidays. He carried her up the stairs, not even checking to see if Aries had woken, and when he tossed her carefully on the bed, she laughed breathlessly.
"Aren't you going to take it for a test drive?" she asked.
"Later," came his low response, "Right now, I've got better things to do."
She raised her eyebrow in question as he leaned over her, his mouth capturing hers in a deep kiss, and he wasted no time in pulling her shirt over her head. Jenny's own hands slid under his shirt, feeling his heart beat underneath her fingertips, and as he kissed her again, she hooked her leg around his waist, flipping him under her. He smirked slightly when she reached to undo the button on his jeans, pulling her closer and running his fingers through her hair.
"In a hurry?"
"You started this," she reminded him, "I can always stop if you'd like."
He flipped her, pinning her wrists above her head with his hand, and as his tongue traced slow patterns on her throat, her eyes closed slowly.
"Not a chance in hell, Jen," he whispered.
After he'd pushed his jeans from his body, he moved his hands back to her waist, slowly sliding the zipper down on hers. He pulled them down her legs with ease, running his hands over her smooth skin, and as he kissed his way back up her body, her hands tangled in his hair. When he ghosted his lips over hers in the barest hint of a kiss, he could feel her frustration as he pulled away, and he fought the urge to laugh. Each time his mouth brushed against hers, Jenny tried in vain to hold him in place, to deepen the kiss, and every time, he eluded her.
"I'm going to ask you a very important question, Jen. And your answer will determine how this goes."
She waited, raising her eyes to his, and when he brought his lips to her ear, lighting skimming over it, she shivered.
"Do you want me?"
Knowing he was waiting for her to answer in the affirmative, Jenny shook her head slowly, running her fingertips lightly over his lips.
"No," she whispered, "But I think you want me. At least, your body does."
He swept his tongue over her bottom lip slowly, biting down when his teeth grazed her throat, and when his fingers unhooked the clasp on her bra, she couldn't stop the way her eyes closed in anticipation. The last of their clothing was dropped onto the floor beside the bed, and Gibbs trailed his fingers along her rib cage, loving the way her skin trembled under his touch.
"I'm going to ask you one more time," he murmured as he placed light kisses to her inner thigh, "Do you want me?"
Without warning, he slowly flicked his tongue against her clit, taking great pleasure in the moan that fell from her lips, and when she nodded, he tilted his head in feigned confusion.
"I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that, Jen. Run it by me one more time."
He moved to settle over her body, his mouth on her throat, and as her head fell back onto the pillow, she fought to draw in a breath.
"Yes, Jethro. God, whatever you do, please don't stop."
He smiled as he slid into her, resting his forehead against hers, and he waited until she had opened her eyes to speak.
"I love you."
Jenny saw her chance, and took it, a smile playing across her lips.
"I know."
Gibbs rolled his hips against hers, smirking at her response, and as he found his rhythm, Jenny ran her hands over his shoulders, pulling him as close to her as she could. Her lips met his in a hard kiss, her tongue fighting his for dominance, and when she slowly moved her hand between them to touch him, her name fell from his lips in a low growl. She twisted her wrist expertly, making him lose his concentration, and when he pinned her hands above her head, she glared at him, clearly unhappy with this turn of events.
Each thrust of his hips made her all the more desperate to touch any part of his body she could reach, and as Jenny strained against his tight hold, he circled her breasts with his tongue. Her breath caught in her throat, and when his teeth grazed her nipple, she swore softly, her head falling back again.
"Oh, fuck..." she moaned, eyes closed tightly, "Jethro...please...let me touch you."
Shaking his head, Gibbs shifted slightly, the angle driving him deeper, and just when Jenny thought her wrists would break from struggling against him, he released her, reaching out to touch her breasts. Her hands wound into his hair, her grip tight, and as his rhythm began to falter, she kissed him again, biting down on his bottom lip.
Her orgasm hit so unexpectedly that she lost her hold on his hair, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders, and when she felt him follow moments later, she let out a shaking breath. His hand was less than steady as he brushed her slightly damp hair back from her face, and when he kissed her, she could feel him shaking against her body.
"God damn, Jethro."
He stayed where he was for a moment longer, and as he finally moved to the other side of the bed, he frowned at the look of amusement in her bright green eyes.
"What?"
"If that's the thanks I get, I should buy you a truck every day for the rest of your life," she answered, laughing quietly.
"Nah..." he said shaking his head as he pulled her into his arms, "Just every other month."
Jenny laughed, feeling happier than she had in weeks, and as she began to feel herself falling asleep, she moved closer, laying her head on his chest.
"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" she asked softly.
"Yeah, Jen," he whispered, kissing her hair, "I've got a pretty good idea."
Gibbs was woken on Christmas morning by a strange jingling noise, and as he opened his eyes, he frowned when he realised Jenny was already awake. Aries was also nowhere to be found, and he slowly pulled on an old shirt as he walked down the stairs to the living room. She'd already turned the tree on, staring at it thoughtfully as she sipped a mug of hot chocolate, Aries playing at her feet, and as he sat next to her on the couch, she gave him a warm smile.
"Good morning."
"Morning. How long have you been awake?"
She shrugged.
"Few hours. Couldn't sleep, so I brought Aries down to play."
She picked up the toy laying just a few inches from her feet, tossing it across the room, and as Aries charged after it, that strange jingling sound filled the room. Gibbs frowned, unable to locate the source, and when the puppy dropped his toy into the former marine's lap, he tilted his head curiously.
"What's around his neck?"
Jenny laughed.
"It's a bell. It's cute."
It was, but Gibbs had already decided that the sound was beyond annoying, and as he reached to untie it, Jenny frowned slowly.
"Jethro, why'd you take it off? He loves that bell."
"If you want me to stay anything resembling sane, you'll leave it off."
Accepting that he was probably right, Jenny nodded, reaching out to scratch Aries gently behind his ears. Gibbs took advantage of her momentary distraction to retrieve her gift from underneath the tree, and as he handed the box to her, she smiled, taking it from him carefully. She unwrapped it quickly, tearing into the paper with the enthusiasm of a child, and when she saw the tiny silver locket, she pulled it free with a confused look.
A photograph of Aries was in one side, and the other held one of the few photos of Gibbs and Jenny, and as she stared at it in wonder, she felt tears fill her eyes.
"Jethro...this is beautiful," she whispered, "How did you afford this?"
He shrugged, leaning over to give her a gentle kiss, and when he noticed the expression on her face, he frowned.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she assured him, "Everything is absolutely perfect."
She kissed him again, threading her fingers into his hair, and when he pulled away, the look in his eyes made her begin to shake slightly.
"Do you want your other gift, Jen?"
"Hm...is it another puppy?"
"Hell no," he said seriously, reaching for her hand and pulling her from the couch, "That little monster is enough trouble on his own."
She didn't answer, opting instead to kiss him again, and as he held her in his arms, he brushed her hair back from her face.
"Merry Christmas, Jen."
"Merry Christmas, Jethro."
Considering he hadn't touched a drop of coffee since he'd woken, Gibbs thought he rose to the occasion quite well.
Nearly three weeks following Christmas, Jenny sat in her office, cradling her head in her hands, fighting the wave of dizziness that had swept over her suddenly, and closed her eyes tiredly. She'd been feeling under the weather for a few days that week, though she'd brushed it off as simply a cold, but now as she tried to force her eyes to focus, she was beginning to wonder it perhaps she'd made a mistake. She had asked Ducky if he would be kind enough to run a few tests, and as she awaited the results, she opened her email, scrolling through them absentmindedly.
The words were blurred, making no sense to her exhausted mind, and when the phone on her desk rang, she sighed, running her hand through her hair.
"Shepard."
"Need you to secure a warrant."
"Good morning to you too, Jethro," she muttered sarcastically.
"Good morning. Need you to secure a warrant."
"Cause?"
"Lance Corporal has information connected to our newest case. Locked in a file cabinet. Need a warrant to get in."
Jenny sighed, picking up a pen and writing down the information, trying to ignore the shaking in her hand. After getting a few more details from Gibbs, she hung up the phone, sending a quick email to the legal department, and she laid her head down on her desk as she waited for a response. The soft knock at her door made her moan quietly, but she raised up to answer it, her head pounding with each movement.
"Come in."
The door opened, revealing the Scottish doctor, and when she gave him a warm smile, she was too exhausted to notice that he didn't return it.
"I have the results of your blood tests, Jennifer."
She gestured for him to sit, still not picking up of his unease, and as he handed her the paper he'd brought with him, she frowned as she looked at it. The medical terminology was far too advanced for her to comprehend it, and as she read the words slowly, she raised concerned eyes to the man sitting across from her.
"What does this mean, Ducky?"
He pointed to the paper, bringing her attention to a rather large percentage, and took a deep breath.
"Do you see how high these numbers are?"
She nodded, still not understanding, and he reached for her hand, unsure of how to begin.
"Ducky..." she began slowly, suddenly very afraid of his answer, "Am I sick?"
He shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers.
"No, my dear," he answered quietly, "You're pregnant."
The pen she'd been holding fell out of her hand, landing on the desk with a clatter, and she stared at him, positive that she'd heard him incorrectly.
"W-what?" she whispered.
"You're pregnant," he repeated, "and knowing Gibbs' history, not to mention your personal feelings on the matter, I'm unsure as to whether congratulations are in order."
She shook her head, eyes wide, and pulled her hand away from his.
"No...you...you must have read it wrong. I can't be...I just.."
"I assure you, my dear, the test is correct. I ran it more than once just to be sure. About ten weeks, I would say."
Jenny's head shook again, more confused than she'd ever been in her life, and Ducky reached for her hand again, giving her a smile.
"If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask."
"I don't understand," she whispered, "We used protection. I'm on birth control. How could this have happened?"
Ducky shook his head, eyes sympathetic.
"Unfortunately, contraceptives aren't a guarantee. They make it less likely, but these things do happen sometimes. I would suggest you schedule an appointment with an OBGYN next week and they can better tell you what to expect."
She said nothing, still trying to process this information, and when Ducky stood to kiss her cheek, he smiled at her.
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
"No...thank you, Ducky."
He kissed her cheek again, making his way to the door, and as it clicked shut behind him, Jenny only had one thought circling in her mind.
How in the world was she going to tell Gibbs?
As she walked down the steps leading to the squad room, Jenny could feel her hands shaking as she held the warrant in them. She stopped in front of his desk, dropping the paper onto his keyboard, and when he reached for it, he gave her a smile.
"You're the best, Director."
She didn't answer, still lost in her thoughts, and as he whistled to get Tony's attention, he frowned.
"DiNozzo, go search Lance Corporal Satterly's office. Take McGee and Ziva with you."
"On it, boss."
After Gibbs watched them disappear into the elevator, he turned his attention back to the redhead in front of him, and looked at her seriously.
"You okay?"
She nodded distractedly, and when she walked away silently, Gibbs frowned. Something was definitely bothering her. Unfortunately, he didn't have the slightest clue of what it could be, and with his newest case, he didn't have the luxury of using his time to figure it out.
Jenny was frantic as she paced the small office space, nearly crashing into the wall on numerous occasions, and on her sixth turn around the room, Dr. Lentz looked at her seriously.
"Jenny, would you like to sit down?"
"No, I—I can't. I just...I can't."
"Okay. Will you tell me what's bothering you? You're obviously very upset, and considering you left work to drive yourself here, it must be something serious."
She shook her head, still pacing, and as her shaking fingers tangled into her long hair, she closed her eyes.
"I have...there's something I need to tell my fiance, and it's extremely important. I just don't know how to tell him."
"May I ask what it is?"
"I—" she stopped, looking at him for the first time since she'd entered the room, "I'm pregnant."
Dr. Lentz nodded, gesturing for her to sit, and when she refused, he frowned, concerned by her obvious agitation. Her steps faltered as she began to cry, unable to process the torrent of thoughts spinning in her head when combined with the shock of what she'd learned, and when she stumbled, Dr. Lentz rose from his chair, his voice stern.
"Jenny. Sit down. Please."
He made his way closer, taking her gently by the arm and steering her to the chair, refusing to let her go until she sat. She stared at her hands, shaking violently in her lap, and as he returned to his place behind the desk, he looked at her seriously.
"I know you're upset, but stressing yourself out like this will only make the situation worse. You need to take the time to rationalise your options, and make an informed decision. If you decide to terminate the pregnancy—"
"No," she said quickly, shaking her head, "I can't do that. I just...not that I have anything against women who do, but...that's not something I can do."
"I understand," Dr. Lentz said gently, giving her a smile, "I'm just telling you that you do have that option if you choose. Another option is adoption, if you don't think your fiance would want to raise the baby, or—"
"It isn't that," Jenny said, shaking her head, "It's his past. Jethro...he lost his daughter almost twenty years ago, and...I don't know how he'll react to this. I don't want him to...God, what if he leaves me? What if it's too much for him to handle? And...fuck, can I—Dr. Lentz, can I pass on my bipolar disorder to the baby? Is that something that I need to worry about?"
"Slow down, Jenny. One thing at a time. Just take a deep breath, calm down, and we'll go through this carefully."
She nodded, still trying to truly grasp the reality of her situation, and when Dr. Lentz smiled at her, she didn't return it. He seemed to sense that she was feeling more than a little overwhelmed, and when he offered her a glass of water, she accepted it silently.
"Now, first things first, you absolutely have to tell your fiance about the baby. That's the first step. As for passing your illness on to the child, I won't lie to you, Jenny. Yes, it is possible, even likely, but just remember that it doesn't make you a bad person, or a bad mother. I would suggest that you sit down tonight with Jethro and tell him. Take it slow, and don't panic. He loves you, and I get the impression that he isn't one to walk away simply because of a difficult situation. Am I right?"
Jenny nodded again, still unsure of how she was going to approach the subject, and as she sat in the soft chair, she tried to form a coherent thought in the midst of the screaming in her head.
Though he had been concerned when Jenny had left work that afternoon to see Dr. Lentz, Gibbs decided that it would be best not to mention it. If she wanted to discuss it with him, he would certainly listen, but he didn't want her to feel as though he were pressuring her. She'd hardly touched the steak he'd brought home, pushing it slowly around the plate with her fork, and as he watched her, he would have sworn she was considerably paler than she'd been that morning.
She took a slow drink of the water in front of her, and when it slipped from her hand, spilling onto the table, she swore angrily. He stood to grab a towel, and when he began to clean it up, she shook her head, taking it from him forcefully.
"I can clean up my own mess, Jethro," she snapped, "Just leave it."
He frowned at her tone but said nothing, returning to his place opposite her, and she continued cleaning the water, her movements almost desperate. When she stopped suddenly, he unconsciously straightened in his chair, his eyes never leaving her, and her voice was pained as she spoke.
"We need to talk."
Damn. Those words had never preceded anything good in his previous marriages or relationships, and he was instantly tense, his eyes locking on hers.
"Okay."
She stood, making her way slowly into the living room, not even sparing Aries a second glance as he buried himself under one of her jackets, and when he had finally caught up to her, she was sitting on the couch, staring at her hands. He sat next to her, and he reached for her hand when he noticed how badly it was shaking.
"What's wrong?"
She sighed, unsure of how to begin, and kept her eyes downcast.
"I...I don't know how to tell you."
He frowned, trying to think of what could make Jenny so uncharacteristically nervous, and shook his head.
"Do you want to leave?"
"No. It's nothing like that."
Okay, that at least was a weight lifted. A new, horrible thought occurred to him, and he unintentionally gripped her hand tighter, not noticing as she winced.
"Are you sick? I know Ducky came to see you today. We'll get through it, just like we've gotten through everything else."
She shook her head, still looking at her lap, and he frowned again, more confused than ever.
"Look at me," he requested softly, running his thumb over her hand, "Please."
She didn't move, and as he tried to think of what could possibly be causing her so much pain, she finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I'm pregnant."
To say that he was shocked would have been the understatement of the century, and as he stared at her, he struggled to form a complete sentence.
"What?"
"You heard me," she whispered, a tear falling onto their entwined hands, "Ducky told me this morning, and I've been trying to find a way to tell you ever since. I completely understand if you don't want to keep the baby, given what happened to Kelly, and I won't harass you about child support, so you don't have to—"
Her words were stopped abruptly by his lips on hers, and when he tangled his hand into her fiery hair, she couldn't have been more confused. He gave her a smile as he pulled away, tilting her head up so that she was forced to meet his eyes, and she was thrown by the emotions she found in the cobalt depths.
"You're—you're not upset?"
He shook his head, kissing her again, and gave her another smile.
"I could never be upset about this. I love you, more than anything in the world, and I'm going to love our baby just as much. If not more."
His eyes locked onto hers, searching them intently, and he ran his fingers over her cheek lightly.
"What about you? Are you okay? I know you've never wanted children, so..."
"No," she assured him gently, shaking her head, "I didn't, but...this is our baby. Yours and mine, and I can't think of anything that could be more precious in the universe."
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, and when he kissed her temple, she smiled for the first time that evening.
The full extent of her situation didn't truly sink in for Jenny until two in the morning, slamming into her like a ton of bricks, and as she felt her heart begin to race, she closed her eyes tightly. What was she thinking? She couldn't raise a child. She was much too unstable, she worked ungodly hours, to say nothing of the fact that she didn't have the slightest idea of what she was doing. She sat up in the bed, her head falling into her hands, and as she tried to keep her breathing under control, she felt Gibbs shift next to her.
Her eyes were wide open now, staring at nothing, her breath tearing from her lungs in short, painful gasps, and all she could focus on was the pounding of her heart in her ears. She struggled to make sense of the panic in her head, the swirling chaotic thoughts moving so quickly that they didn't register, and when she felt her tears slip from her eyes, she made no move to wipe them away.
"Jen?"
Gibbs' voice was soft in the darkness, and when she didn't answer, he frowned, reaching for the bedside lamp. Light flooded the room, illuminating her pale skin, and he sat up quickly, immediately recognising that something was wrong. He raised her head up, noting the glassy panic in her eyes, and when he took her hand in his, he frowned at its coldness.
"Jen, what is it?"
She shook her head, unable to speak, and he moved closer, brushing her hair back from her face carefully. He suddenly understood that she was in the midst of a panic attack, and he knew there was only one thing that could have caused it.
"Look at me. I know you're scared, but it's going to be okay. We're going to get through this, and when it's all over, we'll have a perfect tiny little baby. It's normal to be worried, and I know you're not sure what to do right now, but you're going to be an amazing mother."
"I c-can't..." she whispered, shaking her head rapidly, "I—I...Jethro, I—"
"Shh...easy, Jen. I know you're feeling overwhelmed, but I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I love you, no matter what, and everything will be just fine."
He ran his fingers through her hair, combing out the tangles gently, and when she fell into his arms, he kissed her softly.
"You can do this, Jen. I know you can. Just breathe."
She shook her head against his chest, and when she spoke, he held her tighter, reminding her that she wasn't alone.
"I—I don't think—"
"Shh...not now," he whispered, kissing her again, "Breathe, Jen. That's all. Breathe."
In all of her thirty-six years of life, Jenny had never had as much trouble with such a simple task.
As he stood alone in his basement, Gibbs could hardly focus on sanding his boat, too preoccupied with the thoughts in his mind. He still couldn't believe that, after all this time, he was going to be a father again. He'd never even considered the possibility, and while he couldn't deny that a part of him was worried that he would fail miserably, his excitement overrode any doubts he had. He just knew, as surely as he knew his own name, that his child would be the most loved baby in the world. The best parts of he and Jenny combined, and he couldn't believe how excited he was.
He knew Jenny was worried that she wouldn't be able to be a good mother, that she had no maternal instincts, but he'd seen her with Aries, seen her when she'd cared for Carson, the child she'd allowed to stay at her house nearly two years ago, and he knew she would be perfectly fine. It was perfectly normal for her to be concerned, and when he heard her footsteps on the stairs, he frowned.
"You should be asleep. It's late."
She shook her head, looking at him seriously.
"Jethro...the medication I'm taking...what about the baby? Is it safe? I read all the labels, and I couldn't find anything. What should I do?"
He frowned. Now this was a concern that he could definitely see becoming a problem.
"Call Dr. Lentz tomorrow morning and ask him. For now, I would take your regular dose."
"But what—"
Gibbs shook his head, pulling her to him and looking into her eyes.
"Your health is the most important thing, Jen. I'm not going to risk losing you. Not for anything."
"Not even our child?" she asked quietly.
"Not for anything," he repeated, "You're too important to me."
"Jethro, it's just a mood stabilizer. It won't kill me if I don't take it."
"Won't it? What happens if, because you don't take it, your mood skyrockets and you make some reckless decision and get yourself killed? Or if it drops and you put a bullet in your head? Until we know the effects, you should keep taking it."
She sighed, knowing he was right, and as she laid her head on his shoulder, she tried to ignore the feeling of absolute panic that had become an almost-permanent fixture in her life.
There was something wrong, but no matter how hard he tried, Gibbs couldn't put his finger on it. He'd adamantly insisted on accompanying Jenny to her latest charity function as her date with his team as security, and as he watched her smile at one of the many Senators who'd approached her, he narrowed his eyes in concentration. No one but Ducky was aware of Jenny's pregnancy, and they had agreed to keep it quiet for as long as possible, not wanting either of them to face any negative repercussions.
So he'd watched her carefully as she'd accepted a glass of champagne, pretending to drink it, and when she set it down on the table in front of her, Gibbs smiled slightly to himself. It always amazed him, just how good of an actress she was, and tonight was no exception. As it was, he didn't particularly care for the way Senator Reid was watching her, following her every move, by her side at every turn, and he could sense, even from a distance, how uncomfortable she was with his presence.
When the younger man all but forced her to take her previously abandoned drink, Gibbs knew he couldn't stand by idly any longer, and took a step forward. He crossed the room quickly, wrapping his arm around Jenny's waist as soon as he was near enough, and when he painted a careful smile on his face, he knew she could sense his concern.
"Jethro," she said quietly, her voice giving nothing away, "Thought you'd ducked out the back."
"Got caught in conversation," he lied, still smiling, "Honey, I think it might be time for us to head out. It's getting late."
From his position a few feet away, Tony DiNozzo immediately tensed as soon as he heard the words leave the team leader's mouth. Never, in all the years he'd known Gibbs and Jenny, had the older man ever once called her by anything other than her name, and it was this simple term of endearment that told him they needed to be prepared to leave. Jenny, it seemed, reached the same conclusion as she looked up into his eyes, and nodded, allowing him to take her by the arm as she said her goodbyes.
"Senator Reid, I'm afraid he's right. I have an early budget meeting in the morning, and I would hate to be ill-prepared."
"Understood, Director Shepard. It was good to see you. Have a great night."
"Thank you. You do the same."
She knew, as she walked away, that coming here had been a mistake, that she could have never honestly expected to make it through the entire evening without raising suspicion, and as they caught up to the members of the MCRT, Tony looked at them seriously.
"Boss, is everything okay?"
"Needed to leave. You're all free to go. I'll take it from here."
Though both Jenny and Gibbs gave them a smile, Tony, Ziva and McGee all had the strangest feeling that their bosses were keeping something from them. As it turned out, they had no idea just how right they were.
A/N: As excited as you all are, I encourage you to bear in mind who exactly is writing this story, and remember my feelings on this particular subject.