She woke up when she heard a knock on the door and a polite voice behind it call her name. Clarissa untangled herself from Dazai and got up, sliding open the door. "Good morning." She smiled at the Inn's employee who was delivering their breakfast.
Getting the breakfast delivered to their room would be a nice surprise for everyone. Well, except for her since she had planned it but it was still a nice way to wake up.
When the young girl was done Clarissa thanked her and went to the bathroom to get washed up. Once she was done she started waking up Dazai. She hoped she even could. "Osamu. Wake up." Clarissa said softly, shaking his shoulder lightly. He scrunched up his nose and blinked one of his eyes open.
The sun was just starting to rise so the room was pleasantly dim. But it would probably still be too bright for someone with a hangover. To her surprise he smiled and sat up though, letting out a long yawn while he rubbed his eyes. "Morning." He mumbled sleepily.
"How's your head?" She asked, equally concerned and amused. Dazai shrugged. "It's fine... Little fuzzy but fine." Clarissa raised her brow and then pouted. "Seriously? Even after getting that wasted you don't have a hangover? This is seriously unfair." She sighed deeply and he chuckled. "Anyway, time for breakfast so go brush your teeth you reek of sake."
She stood up and sat at the table, already pouring herself a cup of tea. He came out of the bathroom and sat down across from her. His hair was a mess, and he looked like he couldn't be bothered to keep his eyes open for longer than he had to but other than that he looked perfectly fine. Not that she wanted him to suffer through a hangover but... seriously, how were he and Yosano doing this?
"I don't know if I can even eat again after last night." He hummed but picked up the bowl of rice at least. It was a very simple breakfast for that reason. "Your dinner was mostly liquid though. The one who made sure there were barely any leftovers was Kenji-kun. Do you remember anything?"
He let out another yawn and scratched the back of his head. "Hmm. I remember that Kunikida-kun tried to choke me to death." She nodded. "Yeah, after you told him he needed to get laid." Clarissa huffed at the memory of that moment. Dazai grinned. "Well, if anything he proved me right with that kind of reaction." She shook her head at him but did have to let out a small chuckle.
Sounded like he remembered everything while he was conscious at least. She wondered how much he had heard about how they talked about him afterward.
"So nothing is planned today?" He asked while sipping his tea and she nodded. "Yesterday they talked about using the ping pong table this evening, maybe have a little tournament. That could be fun." She shrugged and picked up another piece of the tamogayaki.
Dazai stretched his arms out over his head and then looked down at himself. "Hm, wasn't I wearing a yukata?" He seemed to suddenly realize. She rolled her eyes. "Are you sure you're not hungover? Your brain seems to be working a little slow." Clarissa teased. "I changed your clothes, yukatas are comfy but not really for sleeping if you ask me."
He looked at his arms and picked a bit at the fabric of his bandages. She frowned at him, knowing exactly where his mind went. "Seriously? You should know I wouldn't look under them against your will." The redhead said, feeling mildly irritated.
Dazai looked at her apologetically. "You're right. Sorry." He sighed. "But you can't blame me for wondering if curiosity got the better of you, at this point I wouldn't really blame you." She paused for a moment. "You already told me what's under them so there's nothing to be curious about."
He tilted his head aside as he studied her. "So if we were to date for another..." The brunette shrugged. "...few years or so you would be fine with me never taking them off in front of you?" She sighed and put down her chopsticks to fully focus on him.
"I'm not going to lie, I would prefer if you didn't feel the need to wear them around me at least. I know you're not covering them up for anyone but yourself... but still... It would be nice to... actually be able to touch you without them." Again, she sighed deeply. "But I get it. It's your choice and I respect that. I really do."
Dazai was quiet for a moment but then huffed quietly. "You wouldn't want to see or touch them though." She raised a brow at him. "What makes you say that?"
He leaned back on his hands and looked at the ceiling. "Well, you didn't want to see your own either, that's why you got rid of them all, right? That alone shows your disdain for them."
"My own. Not scars in general." She said firmly. "And it was just the one my mother gave to me when she tried to kill me that I wanted gone." Clarissa's hand subconsciously went to touch under her breast bone where she was stabbed when she was only ten years old.
"When that ability user told me it removed all scars... I actually hesitated." She admitted. "I didn't want the others removed." Dazai looked away from the ceiling and at her again. "Why?"
She shrugged one shoulder. "I was proud of most of them..." Clarissa looked at the palm of her hand. "Like the one I had from gripping the shard I killed my step-father with. I did that to protect my friend. And myself too. That's when I finally started fighting back against being treated like dirt for no reason."
"Then why did you want to get rid of the one your mother gave you? You used the very same knife to kill her after all. It should remind you of the fact that you fought back as well." He said quietly, and she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach.
"All I saw when I looked at it... was that... hatred in her eyes when she stabbed me." Her eyes were looking down at the table. "And it always made me so angry. What right did she have to hate me? She was the one who chose to have me. I was the one who was dragged into her sick game against my will. But she still hated me so much. It's so sad, isn't it? Being hated by my own mother so much simply... for being alive... it made me pity myself." She admitted.
"The last thing I want is for anyone to pity me. Least of all myself. That's why I wanted that scar in particular to be gone. Because it constantly made me pity myself whenever I looked at it." Clarissa explained and looked up at him again. For a moment she was worried she would see pity in his eyes but... he just looked like he was deep in thought. She sighed relieved.
"Damn, heavy topic for breakfast isn't it?" She let out a quiet and empty laugh, trying to ease the tension. "Would you do it again? Having all of them removed?" Dazai asked, clearly not interested in changing the topic just yet.
She thought about it for a moment and then shook her head. "No. Even though it's gone... even without seeing the scar I remember what it felt like to have the knife there. To be treated less than human." Clarissa shrugged. "It wasn't worth removing the scars I was proud of."
They both fell silent. She crawled around the table to sit next to him, leaning her shoulder against his. "I can't tell you how much it means to me that even after I told you about my past you never looked at me like that. As if I was someone less than human and weak. That you don't pity me or judge me for the awful and selfish things I've done." The young woman turned her head to rest her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.
"There's no way I could ever look at you like that either. Because that's simply not how I will ever be able think about you. Your scars just show that you were strong enough to fight through so much more pain than most people had to. And you're still standing strong. I could never feel disdain looking at them." She assured him and leaned in to kiss his cheek.
He smiled and turned his head to kiss her lips softly. "Now... let's finish eating. I want to go for a walk in the forest." She smiled brightly but his smile fell. "I hope you're not expecting me to join you..."
"Of course you will! I was going to go by myself but since you don't have a hangover..." Dazai's hand went to his forehead. "Now that you mention it, I do have a bit of a headache." She grinned. "Oh the fresh air will be perfect for you then." He sighed deeply, seemingly accepting his fate.
Once they were both dressed they made their way through the still quiet Inn and went outside. It was so different to Yokohama, a city that was always busy and thriving. And since she had started working for the Armed Detective Agency she didn't have time to take a break from that. So she was enjoying the nature and silence around them.
"Doesn't that river look really beautiful and refreshing?" Dazai commented and her eyes followed his. The water looked clear and gorgeous, but she knew exactly what was going through his mind. "No." She told him shortly. He pouted. "But..."
"No." She repeated. "I'm not fishing you out of a river. It's probably freezing already. I don't want to return home from our vacation with a cold." Clarissa sighed and hugged his arm to pull him closer. That way he couldn't wander off the second she took her eyes off him.
"It does look beautiful though. Haven't had a chance to enjoy nature like this in a while." She smiled and breathed in the fresh air deeply. "Funny, you strike me like such a big city girl. Didn't expect you to enjoy this so much." He teased as they walked through the little forest.
She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I am a big city girl which is why taking trips into nature like this are such a relaxing break. I couldn't imagine living in a place like this but for a vacation it's perfect. How about you? Sounds like you're the one missing the big city."
Clarissa felt him shaking his head. "This is actually nicer than I expected. Would be even nicer if we took a nice refreshing swim in that river though." He hummed. "No." Dazai laughed at her immediate reaction.
They kept walking along the trail for a while until they came across a bench that had a nice view onto the river. They sat down on it together and just talked about what else they could do while they were here until they were interrupted by a familiar voice.
"It went over here!" Kyouka called out to someone before she emerged from one of the bushes. Clarissa and Dazai blinked at her surprised but the girl didn't spare them a second look. Instead, she kept looking around, searching for something.
"What are you looking for, Kyouka-chan?" The redhead finally asked. "The rabbit!" She told her as if she should know which rabbit exactly she was talking about. "That one over there?" Dazai asked, pointing at a brown rabbit that almost blended in with one of the trees. If he hadn't pointed it out she wouldn't have noticed.
"Lucy-chan it's over here!" She called out excitedly. The loud voice made the rodent hop away again before the other girl could join them though. "It's too fast." Kyouka whined. Clarissa was so used to her being always so serious at work that sometimes she forgot that she was just a fifteen-year-old teenager.
She laughed softly. "You shouldn't try to catch it. Wild animals can have rabies, if it bites you that could end badly." Kyouka shook her head and Lucy finally emerged from the bushes as well, giving them a shy wave. "We just wanted to take some pictures." She explained, holding up a camera.
Clarissa looked around for a moment. "Well, you'll never get one if you chase it like that. It's so quiet here it's not used to humans, it's going to be too scared if you run after it." She got up and stopped in front of one of the trees. "You have to give it a reason to come to you." The young woman told her and held out her hand. "Give me your wakizashi for a moment?"
Surprisingly Kyouka gave it to her without question. Her eyes went up to the tree before she threw up the small katana. When it fell back down she caught it with one hand while the other caught an apple. "That should be tempting enough for it to show itself again." She decided, cutting it up into slices before giving the wakizashi back to her.
She laid the apple slices down on a sunny spot in the grass where they could see it well and take some nice pictures. "Now we wait. When it comes out make sure to not move towards it. You'll probably have to zoom in a bit." Both of the young girls nodded and crouched down on a spot where they would have the best view while Clarissa joined Dazai on the bench again. He wrapped his arm around her waist as soon as she sat down.
It took a while, so long that both pairs went back to talk again even if they did so quietly. But eventually they heard a rustling sound from the bushes before the brown rabbit hopped carefully towards the apple slices. Kyouka looked like she wanted to walk towards it again, but she stopped herself, taking pictures instead.
Her eyes were actually sparkling. Clarissa had to smile. It was nice to know she had been able to preserve some of her innocence even with everything she had been through. Once the rabbit had enough of the treat it hopped away again.
Kyouka and Lucy squealed over the pictures they had managed to take. "Look at how it's eating, so cute!" Lucy cooed while holding the camera. "Let's go back to the Inn and look at them on the laptop!" Kyouka said. But before they turned around to leave she bowed in her direction. "Thank you, Onee-san!" She called out to her with a sweet smile and then grabbed Lucy's arm to run off with her.
It took her a moment to react but when she did she hid her face in both her hands. Dazai chuckled. "You okay?" He asked, clearly amused. "No, I'm not okay! She called me Onee-san!" And she had to say it in such an adorable way too. She sighed deeply and took her hands off her face. "Wow, who would have thought anyone would ever think of me as a big sister figure?" She snorted.
"Well, you do have that caring and calming aura around you." Dazai said thoughtfully, prompting her to look at him. "I do?" She asked, raising her brow and he nodded. "Yeah. I definitely always feel calmer when you're around." Once again she blushed but this time she didn't hide it. Instead, she just smiled, happy about the fact he felt that way.
She took his hand into her own and laced their fingers together. "I feel the same way around you." The woman said softly while leaning in to kiss his lips lightly. His lips turned into a smile, and he rubbed the tip of his nose against hers. Did everyone have to act all cute today? She giggled quietly and leaned back.
"Your nose is cold. And you're the one who wanted to take a dip into the river." She sighed and stood up, still holding his hand. "Let's go back to the Inn too to get warmed up." He nodded and kissed the back of her hand before standing up and walking back with her.
When they were back they were not greeted nicely. "Urgh. Holding hands. Urgh. Being all lovey dovey. Urgh. There are single people around, have some discretion." Yosano complained while she walked past them, probably on her way to the hot spring. "Uh... good morning to you too, Akiko-chan." She tried but the other woman was already out of their earshot.
"I don't think she's that happy about being single." Dazai said, tilting his head aside and she scoffed. "No kidding." They weren't even that lovey dovey... right?
She was relieved when they made it back to their room without anyone else getting annoyed at them. "Well, I don't want to risk running into Akiko-chan again, so I'll get into the hot spring on the balcony." Clarissa decided. "Wanna join me?" She asked him with a grin.
He looked, smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah. I should change these first though, I've been wearing them since yesterday." Dazai said, picking at the bandages on his wrist. The young woman nodded and sat down on one of the cushions on the floor. "Okay, take the washroom first then."
Dazai went to grab some bandages from his suitcase while she pulled out her phone only to see Kyouka already sent her some of the pictures she had taken off the rabbit. She was too distracted to notice that Dazai still hadn't left. "Actually..." Hearing his voice made her look up from the phone. "Hm?" She hummed and laid it aside.
"Mind helping me with these?" He asked, holding up one of his bandaged arms. She blinked at him. "I... why?" Clarissa asked, not sure what else to say to it since he obviously didn't need help to change them. As far as she knew he had been wearing them and changing them himself for most of his life.
Dazai sighed and sat down next to her. He didn't seem too comfortable which made her nervous. "Because... I do trust you. And I meant what I said about feeling calmer around you. If there's anyone I'm fine with seeing me without them it's you." He told her with so much honesty in his eyes it took her breath away.
"You're right. I should start thinking about my scars differently. And... I could use your help with that." He had a small, almost shy smile on his lips that made her feel a now familiar warmth in her chest. "Adding new memories to them." She said softly and he nodded.
She took a deep breath and started taking off his shirt. Once it was laying on the ground next to him she was looking at his bandaged body. His neck, both his arms and his chest were hidden by the white fabric.
"Then..." She started, slowly rolling off the bandage off his right arm, so he would have time to change his mind, but he didn't stop her even when she already had it halfway off. "When you look at them you can add the memories we made on this trip."
Clarissa smiled. "Like when you had that arm around me when we took a bath together out there the first time."
Once she finished her sentence she laid the roll of bandages on the couch table. "And those..." Next she rolled them off his neck with a soft chuckle. "You can remember how Kunikida-kun was choking you after you told him he needs to get laid." He laughed about that was well, visibly relaxing now.
Next she started working on getting them off his left arm. "You probably don't remember that part, but this arm was around Atsushi-kun's shoulders when he helped me carry your drunk ass back in here." She teased. "But you do know how much the kid adores you... even after seeing that you're not perfect."
He smiled fondly. Dazai told her she had a caring aura, but she felt it around him as well even if he tried to hide it.
She paused for a moment before she rolled off the bandages around his chest and took a deep breath. "And... those... I want you to remember this moment right now." Her voice was a little shaky and nervous. After laying the roll next to the others she leaned in to kiss his chest, right above his heart. She could feel it beating under her lips.
Clarissa leaned back and looked into his brown eyes. "I love you." She breathed out quietly.
Even though she was the one to say those words they seemed to have startled her more than him. She actually said it. If he trusted her this much she should be honest with him too though. And he deserved to know this.
Dazai breathed out audibly, it seemed like he had been holding his breath as well. He smiled at her and cupped her face, pulling her into a gentle kiss. "I love you too." The man told her while resting his forehead against hers.
Suddenly she noticed a wet spot on the hand that was laying on her lap before she touched her face with it. She was crying. Clarissa let out a shaky breath and wiped her face.
He leaned back to look at her with concern in his eyes.. "Are you okay?" Dazai asked, and she huffed, still wiping her hands over her cheeks when more tears fell over them. "Yeah." She huffed. "I don't... I don't know why I'm crying."
The young woman chuckled softly and looked at her boyfriend. "But... I'm happy. I'm... really happy." She realized and chuckled. In fact, she was happier than she had been in... ever. She was happy to be alive.
Dazai smiled at her, brushing his thumb over her wet cheeks while she tried to calm herself. "Me too." He nodded and kissed her again.
What started so sweetly and almost innocent quickly changed when she moved her hands over his arms and noticed how quickly he had goosebumps all over his skin. As expected it was sensitive to touch. Or maybe it was the fact they were both so emotionally vulnerable right now. Maybe it was both. Either way it made her want to be even closer to him.
She pushed at his chest to make him lay flat on the floor. Her lips moved over his neck first. She had wanted to leave some hickeys there as 'revenge' for a while now, even if they were the only ones who would get to see them.
He was breathing out her name between soft moans which only made her even more eager to touch him everywhere. His skin was uneven because of the deep scars but it was soft nonetheless.
Her mouth moved down to his chest where her tongue licked over the burn scars on his chest. She actually liked the way they felt. It was different. They were different so it was just reminding her of that, making her smile even more.
His stomach had fewer scars, there were just some that looked like they were made during various surgeries. She traced them with her fingertips and her lips. Dazai's hands gently brushed into her hair, and she looked up at him. He was actually smiling at her and it made her feel relieved that he did not regret trusting her.
She started undoing his pants and made quick work out of removing them off of him. He had bandages on his legs as well, so she sat back on her own legs to roll those off as well.
"I can't help but notice you're very overdressed, Miss Christie." He told her with his familiar teasing tone that made her chuckle fondly. Once she had the bandages off him she took off her shirt and placed both her hands on the side of his head while leaning over him.
Her long hair was tickling his face, so he rolled it around his fingers to move them off it. "Better?" She asked with a grin and he huffed. "Not at all. Look at that fancy lace on your bra. You're making me feel very underdressed." He pouted playfully.
"Aw, but it can't be the first time you feel underdressed next to me. I have an exceptional and expensive fashion sense after all." Now he pouted even more. "Get a rich girlfriend they said. That'll solve all your problems they said." He said mockingly.
She snorted and leaned in to kiss him with her lips turned up into a smile. His hands went to her back to remove her bra. When she laid down and her bare chest touched his they both couldn't help but moan at the sensation.
It was only now she realized how much she had been craving to feel him against her own skin like this. For a while they just laid like this, kissing and holding each other.
But it wasn't either long until their hormones started taking over again. He rolled her over, so she was on her back, removing her pants and her panties with one swift movement.
She swallowed at the sight in front of her when he brushed his hair out of his face, looking at her with lust and love in his eyes. He was absolutely gorgeous. Scars and all. She loved seeing him like this. And she knew she was the only one who got to see him like this which made it all the more special and beautiful.
He continued to sit on his legs, giving her a good view of him while he pushed two of his fingers inside her. Apparently he wasn't in a teasing mood because he crooked them to press against her good spots right away.
She gasped at the sudden sensation and writhed against the floor. "Osamu..." The way she said his name almost sounded like a complaint, but they both knew it wasn't. His thumb brushed against her clit. By now she was used to her body reacting easily to his touch but right now it was more intense than ever. She already felt her skin heat up and her heartbeat in his throat.
"You're going to... make me... ah!" Before she could finish the sentence his other hand was on her breast, and he was pinching her nipple. Her insides clenched around his fingers, forcing them to stop from moving. At any other time she would have been embarrassed about coming so fast but right now she did want him to know just how good he made her feel.
While she was catching her breath she felt him lean down to kiss over her neck and her chest. At some point he must have removed his underwear because when he rolled his hips down against her she could feel his erection between her now soaking wet folds.
She moaned and wrapped her arms around him, letting her long but blunt nails drag over the skin over his back. He shuddered visibly and lifted his head to look into her eyes. Neither of them was saying anything out loud but the way they were looking at each other still spoke volumes.
They didn't break the eye contact, and she was forcing her eyes to stay opened even while he was pushing inside of her. But when he was fully buried inside both of them gave in. She threw her head back against the floor while his forehead came to rest on her collarbone.
Her insides were clinging onto him, still feeling sensitive after climaxing just a minute ago, so he didn't move for a while. It wasn't until she lifted her hips up against his he pulled out of her just to push back inside.
"Fuck... feels so good." He moaned between his slow and deep thrusts. All she could do was nod and moan along with him. It was always but now she was allowing herself to get completely lost into the feelings.
One of her hands remained on his back while the other found its way into his thick and dark hair. Her fingernails were scratching against his scalp and his back now. He always said he hated pain, but he was obviously loving pleasurable pain like this.
He slowly collapsed on top of her, their chests rubbing against each other while he continued to thrust in and out of her at a steady pace. It made her skin tingle everywhere his was touching hers.
She was biting her lower lip to keep her noises down at least a little, but he wasn't having any of that. He pushed his thumb into her mouth, pressing down on her tongue and forcing her to let her moans escape freely.
Now that she couldn't worry about her volume anymore even if she wanted to she gave up and forgot everything around them. Her legs wrapped themselves tightly around his waist, so his thrusts became shorter but deeper.
Even if he wasn't holding her tongue captive she wouldn't have been able to speak but the way her entire body was twitching would be enough to tell him she was close to coming again. And he got the message. He pushed into her harder, leaning in to suck sharply against her neck.
Tears were falling from her eyes once more while she came again. She bit into the thumb in her mouth and closed her eyes while they rolled into the back of her head. While she was clenching around her with him buried deep inside her the warm cum that was filling her made her feel even fuller and sated.
The room was hot and the only thing that could be heard was both their heavy breathing. It felt like it took forever for her body to finally stop shaking and it was the same with his. When they slowly returned to reality he lifted his head to kiss her sweetly.
"I love you." He said, looking right into her eyes this time as well. Even though he said it before already it still caught her off guard. But she smiled and nodded at him. "Yeah... I love you too... I really do." Now she was surer of it than ever before.
It took them a while to finally get off the tatami floor and into the washroom. She was in a daze until they were both sitting in the hot spring bath rub on the balcony again, this time she felt his bare skin on hers instead of wet bandages.
"Can we stay in here the rest of the day?" He hummed softly into her ear. "You're not feeling dizzy yet? I feel like I'm drunk and high." She huffed, knowing her body would only allow a few more minutes of this.
"How about cuddling under the futon then?" Dazai suggested and she nodded. "Sounds perfect. Guess you don't want to join the ping pong tournament after all then?" She asked with a smile and he sighed. "I'll spare them this time. This way someone else will have a chance at winning at least. They're lucky I want to spend the day alone with my gorgeous girlfriend instead."
She noticed the teasing tone. He knew when he complimented her like that it made her feel flustered. While that annoyed her she couldn't deny that she loved when he did it anyway.
"Very gracious of you." Clarissa chuckled and turned her head to kiss his cheek. He rubbed his nose against hers before she could turn it again, and she smiled brightly. "You've become way too cute for your own good... or mine for that matter." She teased.
He leaned back and raised his brow. "Cute? Huh... I guess. But only for you, my love." It felt like her heart was being squeezed tightly and her face was no longer just red because of the heat from the hot spring. "That's exactly what I meant!" She complained half-heartedly.
Dazai laughed and kissed her shoulder. "Get used to it." He hummed against her skin, and she could feel him shrug.
Once again he made her smile. "Yeah... I actually wouldn't mind getting used to it." She admitted.