Present day- Jason

I could have guessed Dick's feelings for Raven, he had his head up his ass about our relationship. I should have known, however I never really paid attention to it all that much. To be fair he was acting the way he acts about everything. Like he knows better. The thing that I could tell bothers Raven the most is what he said to her. I didn't expect her to be comfortable enough to speak to me, especially not to want to lay down in the bed next to me. However there she is. Her head resting on my chest. My left arm completely numb under her but I don't care. My right hand is trapped in her light sleepy grasp and I don't dare try to pull it away. I have craved something like this for too long. I don't know when she fell asleep, we both fell into silence after a while of talking. Mostly about where we go from here, I don't even know still where we stand with each other. I can't pretend I didn't break her heart once. I also can't fucking know if I am going to do it again. Being in the situation we were in truly screwed us over. Now it's happened again. Would she be afraid of me? Knowing I am capable of killing her? Is that where the trust comes in? Am I even in a position to be with her without fucking it up. I have too many questions and I don't know the answer to any of them. I don't know which is more frustrating either.

Raven stirs from my chest moving down onto her side her head resting on a pillow instead. I almost miss her pressure on my chest but the grumbling in my stomach tells me I need to find something to eat. I get my dead arm from under her quietly moving out of the room. It's weird being back here, I thought I would never be back here. I thought for sure I was a goner. I'm not stupid. I know what that gas does to people.

Walking into the kitchen I can smell the scent of the crock pot, a pot roast no doubt has been cooking all day. I love Alfred's pot roast. It is one of my favorite meals he makes. I walk through to the fridge looking at the contents and denying myself the urge to take everything and hastily begin shoving it into my mouth. However I don't trying to remain civilized. It's rough out here. I can feel someone walk through the door before I hear it. Shutting the fridge I turn to look to see who it is. Alfred standing in the entrance for a moment staring at me. I know he knew I was back he was down in the BatCave when Raven teleported us in.

"Sorry I was just looking for something to e-" I am cut off by Alfred approaching me swiftly and pulling me into a tight hug. I don't hesitate to hug him back. He squeezes me tightly, I can feel his beard rub against the side of my neck. He stops hugging me standing up straight and adjusting his suit.

"Welcome home Master Jason." He says stoically

"Thanks Al, you got anything to eat?" I ask

"Heavens yes, allow me to whip something up" he says pushing passed me and opening the fridge himself. He grabs out a couple things placing them on the island as he gestures to one of the chairs of the breakfast bar. I allow myself to sit.

"I think Raven and I missed Breakfast and lunch" I admit

"You did, however we thought it might be because of much needed rest. We needn't disturb you." Alfred replies, firing up a cooking pan with a little bit of butter. I look down to my lap, I am still wearing my uniform, it felt like apart of me now however I also feel like I need a shower and some new clothes.

"I'm sorry I left again" I say

"Master Jason, Leaving and being taken by the Joker are very two different thing. You mustn't apologize for your shortcomings. You gave us quite the scare though" He says, he doesn't turn to face me, his eyes stay trained on the pan in front of him and whatever he is stirring into it.

"I know but I feel bad for worrying you guys" I say, it's true. I knew they would be basically planning my second funeral. That kind of thing is normal when you know someone is going to die. I am sure me pulling myself out of it was more of a shock to everyone than if I bit the dust.

"I knew you would find your way home, you always do" Alfred says adding two pieces of bread to the man. I hear the sizzle of them hitting the butter. It smells amazing.

"Now that I'm home I don't know what I'm going to do" I admit. It has always been easier to talk to Alfred about how I feel. He has a way of letting me know I am not soft for sharing it. He also doesn't share what I say with anyone, allowing for me to feel safe with talking with him about anything under the sun. However, there is still a broad list of things I would never talk to Alfred about. "I have so many things that are confusing here"

"Such as?" He inquires turning around just enough for me to see his knowing wink.

I smirk looking down to my hands. I didn't notice how rough they looks until just now, I have a couple cuts and splinters covering the palms of my hands. Small bruises and cuts on my knuckles. My stomach twists when I think about how I got those. I remember banging on the black Shield that Raven had created to stay away from me. To keep me from getting through. That hard part is I knew she could have ended that fight with her powers. However she didn't. She couldn't hurt me, even while I hurt her.

"I think you already know" I say back he chuckles shifting something onto a plate.

"Ms. Roth loves you Master Jason, if you didn't know" He says I nod

"I know, and I love her it's not that I don't. I just don't know where we go from here. I almost killed her. I've cheated on her. It feels like all I do is hurt her while she comes running at every call" I say, it's a sad truth of the situation. I have hurt her but I know if I needed her. If someone told her my life was at risk she would come get me.

"In this life you both have chosen to live, outside forces will always be at play. Threatening to pull you apart. A good relationship in this life isn't one that never breaks or never takes a hit. It's the one that even given that can find a way to work together." Alfred says, His wisdom is always much needed. I know he's right but it doesn't help me figure out anything else. Maybe this is one of those situations that I have to speak with her to figure out. See where her head is at.

Alfred turns the stove off, turning on his heels and sliding a plate over to me. He made me a breakfast sandwich, Something even I could never replicate because he makes it so perfectly. I don't have time to say thank you before I am shoving it into my mouth. I am almost inhaling it and all Alfred does is stare at me with a smile. The same smile he has always given me. Comforting and familiar. I finish eating it in what seems like seconds.

"Sorry, I didn't think I was that hungry" I reply he just grins.

"It's quite alright Master Jason." He says

Present day-Dick

I fucked up and I knew it. The way Cyborg has been looking at me as of late, the way his eyes stay trained on the door to Raven's bedroom especially since Jason walked out of there shows me he doesn't want me near her. I don't understand why I am the bad guy here when Jason literally almost killed her but whatever they need to do to feel better. Right now my greatest concern is making sure Kori doesn't know about this. I wrack my brain thinking of what I can do to convince them not to tell her. I should just tell them it's not their fucking business because in reality it isn't. Sure, I just told someone else I love them, it doesn't mean I am going to act on it in anyway.

I should have kept my mouth shut in many ways. I shouldn't have said what I said to her. Any of it. I know she didn't put herself in the position with Slade. She didn't drink to make us worry she did it to numb the pain of what had to happen. Especially when she got home, I never thought I had seen her so destroyed. However the way she holds herself has never been the same. She's confident and less shy but she's more jittery. Doesn't like it when guys stand behind her even if she doesn't notice she does it. I am trained to see this stuff.

Jason walks back through the halls and inching towards her bedroom, his suit still on but he somehow has more color to him. He looks over at me, his eyes flashing a small amount of green before turning away and continuing on his walk. Why does he get the girl after everything he put her through? It doesn't make any sense to me.

"So tell me about this new kid" Cyborg says tearing me away from the death glare I was stabbing into Jason's back.

"His name is Duke Thomas. He's a meta but I don't think he knows it yet. His genes look suppressed. Like somehow someone was feeding him meds to keep them suppressed. I don't know how he was getting the meds or if that's even how they kept it there." I answer

"Do you know how he got his powers?" Gar asks I shake my head

"I have no idea, I don't think he does either. We were going to tell him but he ran off before we even got the results back. He also went straight into the system." I say Cy nods popping up his arm computer and clicking on some things. I guess he gave himself some more upgrades. I wonder how he is keep doing that. I mean eventually he has to be fully upgraded right? Will he give himself a toaster too? I wouldn't put it passed him.

"It says he was kicked out of his foster home here. He's at another house now but it looks like they might kick him out too for fighting" Cyborg replies

"He didn't seem like the fighting for no reason type" Tim says from behind us crawling onto the couch.

"No he probably is going through a lot right now with his parents still missing. Bruce has been trying to find him and bring him here. I just don't think he is ready for that. He is too focused on his anger right now" I reply, Tim nods scratching his head.

"We could meet with him. Try to tell him about his powers" Tim suggests

"We could, but we would need to find him first. We also need to keep a low profile. We don't want to be exposed" I reply he nods happy to have an idea of his used. I know he has felt basically useless lately. It could be the coffee that he isn't able to drink. We have found him a couple times trying to sneak out to go to a coffee shop. However, we don't want to keep him locked up but it's for his own good he moderate how much he drinks.

"So, didn't you two do what you came here to do. Not that I don't mind seeing you guys but..what gives?" Tim asks Cy and Gar exchange glances at each other.

"Well, we sense some irritation between Jason and Dick and we are just here to make sure they keep their peace" Gar says

"Well shouldn't you be with Rae? I hear little kids grow up so fast you blink and it's gone" Tim says, I snort.

"That's just a saying. Kori is watching Rae. Much needed girl time" Gar jokes, my gut twists at the mention of Kori and I know they both know it since their glances fall to me. I suck on my teeth turning away from their gaze. I don't need them guilt tripping me right now. Not about something I am already confused about.

A door opening takes our attention, Jason walking back out of Raven's room. He moves quietly to his own bedroom opening the door and closing it behind him. I wonder if she kicked him out of the room or if he is finally going to change out of his uniform. It makes me think back to how worried I have been the last couple weeks about him. All for my anger to get the better of me and feel like I want to kill him. Is it because he tried to kill Raven? Is it misplaced anger of some sorts since even after all he put her through they still might get back together.

I hate not knowing so much. Raven used to be my best friend. My right hand man...or woman. Now I barely know her. She won't let me know her. We were okay with each other for the most part but now she has shut me out again and I don't see an easy way back in. I already have to fight tooth and nail on the streets. Why do I have to do it in my personal life as well? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

"Hello? Earth Calling Dick" Tim rings, I pull my attention out my mind and back to him.

"Sorry, what?" I ask

"I asked if we were going to try to track down Duke" Tim repeats to me

"oh uh, it shouldn't be too hard. We can. The quicker he knows about his powers the better." I reply allowing my thoughts to drift back into the nothingness of confusion.

Is this how my life is going to be from now on? I wish I knew.