"Great Palutena! Please help me-! Ack!" The angel's pleas were cut short by the lumbering demons flanking her as they shoved her to the ground. She went with the motion and assumed a praying position. "I beg you Great Palutena!"

"Ooh! This one is already broken." Medusa purred. "Tell me, what did you 'name' it?"

Palutena looked away as best she could. Being partially turned to stone and forced to watch the 'festivities' as Medusa called them, all she managed was a slight turn of the neck.

Medusa mocked a pout. This was hardly new behavior, yet seeing Palutena's useless defiance still brought great entertainment to the wicked goddess. Now for the next part of the game:

"Was it… 'Cry'?" She guessed after taking a moment to pretend to think. Palutena remained unmoved. Well, 'unmoved' as in emotionless. She very well couldn't help being motionless at the moment.

Shut up.

At least one of us has to have fun.

Medusa, ignorant of Palutena's interdimensional capabilities, kept guessing names.

"Plead?" Nothing. "Pathetic?" A slight twitch of the face. "Oh that's right. One syllable only, otherwise it gets too hard for wittle Pawutena to wemember." Medusa turned to the prostrate angel, who until this point was still incoherently babbling with her head down. "You hear that twerp? Your 'all-powerful' and 'loving' goddess cheats you out of real names for her convenience. I bet she even convinced you that it was some sort of game, or that you had to earn the privilege of being named."

Said angel lifted her tear streaked face up in a sudden act of courage.

"That's not true! Our names are a symbol of our maturity and character! To be named is to be important, to have a role in the Story!" After that hearty proclamation, she sucked in a lungful of air for another. "Names are one-syllable for ease of identification in combat and to make spelling things easier!" She ended with a proud smile.

…Wow. That was an exact quote from the Angel's Code of Conduct. Maybe you should've named this one Code.

…

Don't you play that game with me.

…

Fine. Let's move forward then, shall we?

"Sheesh Palutena, are you raising an army or starting a cult?" Medusa asked with a sideways look. Palutena maintained her silence.

In more ways than one, it would seem.

…

Medusa turned back towards the angel who was still staring defiantly upwards at the evil deity. "Is that so, little one? Well. What might your name be?"

"Beg!" Beg announced, without an ounce of self-awareness and a great deal of pride. It was enough for Medusa to break into a fit of cackling and Palutena to visibly flinch.

"My goodness!" Medusa managed to exclaim after catching her breath. "At first I didn't get the appeal, but now?" She let loose a chuckle which was more akin to a hiss. "Now I get it. That is hysterical! My, my, Palu, I didn't think you had that sort of wickedness in you!" Palutena bit the inside of her cheek but otherwise was motionless. Her eyes, however, were full of pain.

Taking the small victory, Medusa started to stalk around Beg, much like a hungry wolf. Beg at first tried to track her, but got dizzy and went back to praying.

"Were you ever going to tell your pets that their wings weren't flammable?" Medusa asked, breaking the tense silence. Beg's head snapped back up.

"That's not true!" Was Beg's predictable response. Medusa idly wondered if something was wrong with this one or if Palutena had programmed her angels to respond in certain patterns. Palutena, for her part, was staring rather intently at Medusa's back. Enough to make you question which one had the ability to kill with their gaze alone.

"Oh, but it is." Was Medusa's equally nuanced response. "Just another one of Pretty Palutena's tricks. Don't you know that feathers are fireproof?"

"They… they are?"

"Why, of course! Birds would scarcely be able to fly so high if it weren't so."

Beg turned a questioning eye towards an increasingly terrified Palutena. "Great Palutena? Is she right?"

"Never mind her, dear. Simply allow me to demonstrate."

I hate it here. I hate that I haven't eaten in, like, a week. I hate that I haven't slept on anything even moderately soft in that same span of time. I hate that I honest to Goddess have to stop one angel from killing another on a semi-regular basis (the fact that I am sometimes the targeted angel is a problem in of itself).

"Split." I said in an even tone, despite this being the fourth time I've had to repeat myself. "There's no good reason for killing Clone." Clone nodded as much as he could behind me.

"Well, we can't let Medusa have him! What if he spills the beans?" Clearly, Split felt that repeating the same argument over and over made for a convincing case. Then again, the fact that Pit and Hold kept flip-flopping over the issue might give that strategy some merit. Then again-again, it's Pit and Hold we're talking about, and information based on them should be taken with a grain of salt. A grain about the size of Rhodes.

"I dunno, maybe Split has a point." Hold said, reversing her stance on the issue.

"But we can't just kill Clone! Clone's a cool guy!" Pit retorted, also changing his opinion.

"Yeah, we shouldn't do it. Code's right."

"But then again, what sort of evil would Medusa unleash with that knowledge?"

"That would be awful!"

"Not as awful as killing our friend!"

Sweet Lady give me strength.

"Hey, Clone?" I said in an aside to the captive angel. "How do you feel about being killed?"

"Not great." He deadpanned.

"Well, there you have it folks, he doesn't want to die. Oh well." Split shot me a bewildered look.

"That's not how this-" She started to object.

"Oh, okay." Pit acquiesced.

"Yeah, if he doesn't want to then it's fine." Hold agreed. I clapped my hands together.

"Looks like that's all sorted. Now, Clone, if you would excuse us, we must be on our way. Goddess to save and evil plan to foil." He shot me a thumbs up. "Let's roll guys."

And so, we left Clone behind to his fate with Medusa, a spluttering Split in tow. This Goddess Forsaken Adventure: ?, Code: 1.

"Get this mess out of my sight." Medusa ordered two underlings. The 'mess' in question was the charred remains of Beg. Who, really, went out screaming rather than begging, so that's something at least.

…

You're not making this fun, you know that?

"So, Pauly, do we need another volunteer, or are you gonna tell me this one little secret. I promise, it'll just be between the two of us. Like old times!"

"..."

"Hmph. Have it your way then. Next subject!" Almost as soon as she finished shouting, the two burly demons from before carried a compliant Clone forward. The sight of the green haired, green eyed, and white winged angel made Medusa smirk a truly foul smirk. "Ah, yes. If it isn't suspect number one. Tina, if it isn't this one, I'll tug ol' Zeus' beard."

Clone, like Beg and an indeterminate number of angels before her, was thrown unceremoniously to the ground before the goddess's elevated platform. He let out a soft 'oof' on impact before looking up at the Goddess of Light.

"Oh hey Palutena. Funny meeting you here." He gave the Goddess of Dark a cursory glance. "Who's this freak?"

Medusa's furious hiss and Clone's utterly unperturbed demeanor was almost enough for Palutena's heart to liven a little. Almost. Indeterminate number of murdered angels and all.

"Well, he certainly has the lip for it." Medusa spat the word 'lip' as if it were a curse. "Since I have such a good feeling about this one, I think I'll take my time." Her wicked smile returned in full force as she rounded on the partially stone Palutena. "I don't suppose you have anywhere to go?"

That was just plain lazy.

Hey! Look who broke their little oath of silence!

I'm still not talking to you.

Fair enough.

Palutena's clenched jaw was the only indicator of her inner thoughts. Clone meanwhile let out a condescending laugh. The dark goddess' smirk vanished like smoke as she whirled back to the defiant angel.

"And what" she began, voice full of venom, "do you have to laugh about, brat?"

"Oh, nothing." Was Clone's innocent response. "Just that we'll cut away before you actually do anything."

"What's that supposed to-"

Duck, slash, flap, thrust, retreat, repeat. I chanted this mantra inside my head as we worked through the newest monster party. We were seeing more of them now than ever, at this higher level. While I was zipping around one particularly beefy beast, Split was raining havok from above, all the while shouting archery pointers to Pit. Pit, being strangely flightless and wielding a strangely small bow, had to work extra hard to earn his hearts. He was still giving it his all and then some. Hold was watching Pit's back, and jumped upon any demon that got too close with disturbing relish.

All in all, we made a pretty swell team.

But the monsters kept coming.

In theory, angels could go at full force for hours in combat. However, we had been in less than ideal shape at the onset of this attack (see: the rest of this story), and even then we weren't dedicated fighting angels. Well, Split was, but I certainly wasn't, and the other two were too young to even start the basic trials.

So really, it shouldn't have been a surprise when Hold shrieked in pain.

Logically speaking, she was one of the weakest of us.

Logically speaking, she had a short range weapon that she probably didn't know how to use.

Logically speaking, I really should have seen it coming.

Logically speaking, I should leave her to it and focus on preserving the rest of the team.

And yet I came down here with the express purpose of saving some angels, and I'll be damned if one dies on my watch. One more, that is. Then again, the others weren't really my responsibility.

Finishing my current foe with a clean slash across the neck, I nearly broke my own neck twisting around to find Hold. Blood roaring in my ears, ice in my veins, I saw her, desperately crawling away from a six-legged monstrosity. In the time it took for my higher cognitive functions to process everything that was happening, I was already driving my sword up to the crossguard into the creature's back.

A great success, until I remembered the #1 rule for angel swordcraft: Don't drive your sword up to the crossguard in anything, you idiot. In hindsight, I should've known better, considering I wrote the rule. And, true to the code, I was now an idiot without any weapon because, as it turns out, demon flesh is pretty tough, and driving a sharp weapon into it at high speeds is a quick way to disarm yourself.

Truly, hoisted by my own chiton.

But wait, there's more; because now I am unarmed and supposed to defend a possibly seriously injured minor. This Goddess Forsaken Adventure: ? + 2, Code: 1. It would almost be funny, if it weren't so sad.