My dear little broccolis💚💚💚

💚 So, I just want to remind you that Ana made sure that no one ever saw her with Luke ... he comes to her and they plan things in her house. And he WORKS for her. He is seen as an employee like Mr Taylor, not as a ... gentleman

💚 And, as for the contraception, something that did not change, it always fell on the women. And Ana is pretty vocal about her desires to have kids, so if Christian wants to control this aspect of their lives, it falls on him because she will obviously not take anything that will stop her from getting pregnant ...

💚 And

💚 If you want pictures of the story, just check out my Facebook group, Mina's Broccolis, and you will find pictures as the story unveils. And a few sneak-peeks here and there as well.

💚 From Duty To Love💚

Chapter 11: Loss Of Naivety (3,1K)

Anastasia's PoV

Of course, I did not open this Kama Sutra book since Christian left it on my bedside. But I did not return it to the library either. I just think that if Christian wants to try something so … wild as he says, he will have to tell me about it himself. After all, we tried something I wanted, so … maybe next time we should try something he would like. I will see what he says on Friday.

The past few days went as usual, though I spent most of my time painting or reading the new collection of books Christian has gotten me. The works of Jules Vernes, and every time I plunge into one of his books, I feel like I am in the future. He wrote about air-balloons travelling the world and machines that can go underwater or all the way to the moon.

I really love his works and I am ever so grateful to Christian for introducing me to him. He told me that he only read one of his books, the one when they journey to the centre of the world, but I think he should read all of them. In fact, I wonder if he has the whole collection of his work in French.

I decide to go check, wrapping my robe around me and slipping into my slippers since I was reading just before going to sleep, but as I pass by his office, I hear something that makes me freeze. In fact, it's something that I should not hear on a Tuesday, in his office, when he is not with me.

A moan.

The exact kind of moan I have heard from him when he is deep inside me, whispering in my ear how beautiful I am. I look at the closed door, betrayal flooding through me as I realise that, despite all her evilness, Elena is right. Christian is a sodomite. He may like my company, but he obviously cannot give up his liking for men.

It is Tuesday night, and he has his 'business' meeting with Mr Williams. Business meetings that apparently require people to sexually moan and be deep inside their partners.

For a short second, I think about opening the door and accusing him with all the curses I know, but then I hear him groan with pleasure, "Yes, right here. Go deeper."

I bring my hand to my mouth, realising just now that I am crying. I don't think I can bear the sight of them … in any position. So I silently go back to my room, tears falling down my cheeks. I shouldn't be this affected, it is common for husbands to have mistresses. But that's the thing. They have mistresses, not male lovers!

Once I am in my room, for the first time since I have been living here, I make sure to lock the door, and I crawl in my bed, crying my heart out in my pillow. I am not sure why I'm crying, because this was to be expected. But … maybe I had expected a few years of faithfulness before going down that path.

Or maybe I am the mistress. Maybe he has been with Mr Williams for a long time, and that is why Elena started gossiping about Christian. Maybe I am just a cover, after all, just a pretty little thing to parade on his arm and prove that he likes women.

And I know he likes being with me. Maybe he likes doing both. And that's why he only visits me once a week because he knows his lover is coming on Tuesdays …

Is this why he doesn't like Leila? Because she has the man he cannot have? Is this why Leila never talks about her husband? Because she knows about their affair and she didn't want to break my heart? Can I be strong like her and pretend I am not affected? Can I share my husband with another man?

For a brief moment, I remember Christian strongly telling me that he would be faithful to me when we talked about Elena and her vile attempts to get in his bed. But then I remember, he said he wouldn't break his vows for the likes of Elena. I know nothing of Leila's husband, but I doubt he is anything like this serpent.

I sob a little louder, burring my face in my pillow as I wonder why Christian keeps refusing me a child then. It would be perfect for him. People would stop speculating on his sexuality and on my fertility, and I would have a child to give my love to whilst he goes galavanting with his lover.

My eyes keep tearing up as I keep repeating to myself that I should have stayed home and become an old maid after all. There is no shame in that, and certainly no heartbreak. I feel … deceived. Because I thought I knew my husband, I defended him over and over again against gossips and … he betrayed my trust.

Worse than that, he did it where I live. Other unfaithful husbands have the decency to not bring their mistresses home. They go to salacious hotels or places where they find loose women. Not only my husband lays with a man, but he brings his lover home. Did I ever have Christian Grey's respect?

I keep on crying, trying to get to sleep and doing my best to ignore how hurt I feel. The worst thing is, none of that matter. The fact that my own husband likes the company of men and the fact that this has never been my home since he brings his conquest here without a regard on how it affects me, it doesn't matter. All I can think of is the fact that I feel like my heart is ripped apart.

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

The next morning, I wake up with my head feeling heavy, but I still go for breakfast, finding Christian sitting as per usual. As soon as he sees me, he frowns and I avoid his gaze as he inquires,

"Are you feeling alright, Anastasia?"

"Yes. It was just a difficult night," I lightly say, serving myself some tea and still not looking at this unfaithful husband of mine.

"Did you start another one of your scary books? Maybe you should only read them in the day," He teases, but I don't respond anything this time and just reach for the butter.

We stay silent for a while before I say as if nothing, "You never told me what kind of business you conduct with Mr Williams."

I can feel his gaze on me, but I pretend to be busy buttering my bread. "You never asked."

"I was not aware that I had to ask about your work for you to share that with me. I thought I was your wife."

"You are," He concedes, but the word has a bitter taste in my mouth. Am I really his wife if I can't even keep him to only have sex with women? Am I even a woman? Maybe I was not exciting enough for him, and that's why he gave me this Indian book, for me to educate myself about what he wants, what he does with Mr Williams.

But then again, I shouldn't feel guilty that my husband is unfaithful and with a man! He is the one breaking his vows, not me. He should feel guilty. Even if he doesn't care about how it looks to the public eyes, he should care about how it makes me feel. Or that is what a good husband would do.

"I told you, Anastasia. I don't want Leila at my dinner table."

"But … she is my friend. Surely I should meet her husband, especially since he works with you every Tuesday nights," I retort, setting my jaw and refusing to cave. I want to meet my concurrence, and if Christian doesn't make it happen, I'll ask Leila.

"I never pretended to work on Tuesday evenings, Anastasia."

"Oh?"

"I try to not conduct business in the evenings besides to mundane politics for my brother. Otherwise, we would rarely spend any time together."

"So … you are just entertaining, then?"

"It's one way to say it." He says, and I politely smile looking back down on my tea. He doesn't even have the decency to partially lie and spare me the embarrassment by saying that it is work.

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Leila pays me a visit on Friday afternoon and I decide to ask about her husband. I have the perfect excuse since I saw her yesterday at Elliott's political dinner party, but not her husband.

The election is still in a few months (in February), but Elliott is trying to appeal to as many people as possible. He is not assured to win because some people feel that the Greys already have too much power and influence on the city. Christian controls most of the economy, as well as the medical field, so they are not comfortable letting their political lives being governed by another Grey. Still, Elliott has many loyal supporters, so he still has a chance to win.

He talked a lot to Leila yesterday because apparently, he had her campaign for him to those who are out of reach for him, those leaving just outside of town, but not coming in the city enough to know what is going on. And Leila does not mind in the slightest to help him out.

Today, we mostly spoke about the election and Elliott's chances to win, but now, I want answers. I want to know about that husband of hers. I am sure that Leila is well aware of what is going on between our husbands, but she doesn't seem to mind. She doesn't seem to mind to not have children either, and she is older than me. But then again, she is doing what she wants, she is a doctor. I have always wanted children, and now … it seems that I will be like Leila, without her culture or her bold confidence.

I take a deep breath, and lightly say, as if it hasn't been eating me for the past two days,

"I missed your husband yesterday. Was he out of town? I was looking forward to meeting him."

Leila blinks, confused. "Husband?" Then she laughs and looks at me with condescendence, "I don't have a husband, Ana. I like my independence too much to have a man telling me what I can and cannot do."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Of course."

I politely smile as the truth comes to me. Leila Williams is my husband's mistress. I listen to her telling me about the joys of being unmarried, but a part of my mind is really looking at her.

We do look a little alike. We are both brunettes (though I have long hair), we are both fair-skinned with small faces and high cheekbones. Even our frames are slightly similar.

When Leila leaves, kissing my cheek, I let Mrs Jones know that I am not feeling well and that I do not want to be disturbed for dinner before going to my room and locking the door so I can slump in my bed. Now I know why Christian married me.

I am the proper version of Leila. He said they grew up together, so he must have always known that she was unconventional. He probably never gathered the courage to ask for her hand to her father because she doesn't follow the rules of high society. But he wishes I was her. That's why he keeps telling me to be less proper, that's why he married me without having ever seen before. He saw a proper version of Leila and thought that it would make him look good. And now, he has the real thing on Tuesdays and the fraud on Fridays.

Is this why he doesn't want to get me pregnant? This is something I have kept asking myself. Why would he share my bed if he didn't want children? And now it's obvious … the only person who is worthy of his children is Leila Williams.

Why didn't he marry her if he obviously loves her? I thought he didn't care what people thought? Or maybe he cares just enough about that.

I feel bad for both Leila and myself. She will never fully have him because he was too much of a coward to ask for her. So she must watch the man she loves parade with another woman, with her friend.

And me … I am in a marriage that will bring me nothing but sadness. I will get nothing out of it. No children and certainly no love. And to think that my heart …

I shake my head, swallowing my tears and refusing to cry more for a man who respects me so little. Christian Grey does not deserve my tears, and I should not be hurt by his wayward ways. It is a known fact that wealthy men have mistresses, and I should have expected him to be like any other of those gentlemen. Kate is the lucky one who had the loving and faithful husband. Elliott is the exception.

I slowly drift to sleep, comforting myself by saying that I have done nothing wrong and that I can always spend more time at the orphanage to help the girls when Christian knocks on my door. I am tempted to ignore him, but I remind myself that I have nothing to be ashamed of. He is the adulterer, not me.

So I get up, my head high and my resolve strong and I unlock the door, ready to refuse him my room. I would rather not share my bed with someone who sees another woman. Especially since I get nothing out of it.

He looks at the handle with a frown, and I am sure he is thinking of the fact that I have never locked the door before. But then he looks at my face and asks, "Are you alright Anastasia?"

"I would rather if you did not come to my room, tonight," I tell him, looking at his shoulder.

I see him tense, before he slightly bows his head, "Of course. You did not answer my question, though. I worry about your health, Anastasia."

"My health is perfectly fine, thank you. Goodnight, Christian."

I close the door without giving him the chance to say anything else, and I go back to bed, determined to not cry, even though my heart is breaking.

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

The next morning I wake up with purple daisies on my bedside and my first thoughts are to smile before I remember why I woke up gloomy. Christian and his double life. Now that I have slept on it, I am starting to feel a little resentment against Leila as well.

She knew from the start that Christian was unfaithful, with her, and she still befriended me. I thought that she was a loyal friend, but I guess I was wrong. She just wanted to make sure I remained 'innocent and naive' as they both said.

What if she gets pregnant? Is Christian going to recognise his children and make me raise them, or is he going to ask Leila to keep them a secret too? And is he retrieving with her as well? I must assume he is since she has no children … that I know of.

I did think a lot about his deceit, and it is true that he never confirmed meeting with a Mister Williams. Just like Leila never confirmed having a husband when I first met her. But … she is almost thirty, everyone would assume she is married.

I get out of bed, decided to just ignore the both of them. If they want me to stay innocent and naive, they will have to do without me. Innocent people don't get associated with adulterers. I just hope that they are discreet enough that no one will talk about them. It is already hard enough to hear people gossip about my flat stomach and calling me Sarah or Lilith* behind my back.

Once ready, I go to the kitchen to see Mrs Jones and then to the dining room where I see Christian who looks at me with his brows furrowed. I pour myself some tea as he asks about me, and I coldly tell him,

"I am fine. Thank you."

I don't ask about him as I usually do and instead reach for the bread as I remind us of the offer his brother and Kate made on Thursday. They are going to the Grey familial home in the countryside and proposed for us to come with them. I knew Christian would refuse and stay here, but I am going, no matter what he says.

"I asked Mrs Jones to pack me a baggage for the week. I haven't spent much time with Arianna and Ava, and I would love to spend some private time with my friend as well."

"I was not planning on going, Anastasia."

"I understand. You have work and your various meetings. But I am going to spend time with my nieces. After all, they are my family, now."

He doesn't say a word, though I feel his gaze on me, and I eat my buttered bread as he says,

"I would rather for you to stay with me, Anastasia. I understand that you want to spend time with Kate and the girls, but we will go back there for Christmas. I can't leave work when the year is ending and the stakes are so high."

"As I said, I understand. No one expects you to. Are you going to forbid me to see my closest friend the same way you forbade me to read those Greek books?" I challenge him with cheek, pretending to be interested in cutting my apple. I hear him sigh, and he says in a low voice,

"No. Of course not. I will have Mr Taylor drive you there when you are ready."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

💚 So, Ana is going to the countryside ...

💚 And well, Leila is unmarried and visits Christian on Tuesdays apparently and she makes him moan and ask for deeper ...

💚 And please don't hate me yet, wait a couple of more chapters, haha. I mean, Christian did not give his version of things ... nor did Leila ...

💚And something new, the artists mentioned💚

Leonardo Da Vinci (inventor & painter)

The Kama Sutra ... Christian said it best!

* Sarah (wife of Abraham) and Lilith (first wife of Adam) are women in the bible known to have been barren (amongst other things)

💚Well, let me know what you thought of this chapter. What was your favourite part? What do you think will happen next?

💚 E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise. Everything else is mine.

Love, Mina💚💚💚