Hi guys! Happy New Year! Life has definitely been interesting as of late, but it hasn't been all bad, I was accepted to some of my top schools which is really exciting! So at this point, it's like why am I even trying in school at this point, but I'm sure plenty of you have been through that feeling right? Haha, anyway let's get into some reviews, which btw thank you so much for all the reviews! I had so much fun reading all of them!

Eliza Bea chapter- I really, really enjoyed this chapter! Even more then I enjoyed the ice cream sundae I ate while reading this. I like how Katniss tells Lily about Gale, and her feelings towards him in a way that the books never did because she was still grieving. I've said it before but I can't wait for her to find out her mom was 'pregnant' during the Quarter Quell.

You're so cute, I'm so glad you liked it! I felt that it was time for Lily and her Parents to just kind of lay everything out on the table even if it makes things a little uncomfortable. And yes omg, I hope I get to that point because it will be insane to write, and so so fun!

Guest- Ahhhhh this was sooooo good! You carried all of the emotions through perfectly. Honestly, this chapter was even more emotional and heartbreaking to me than the last one. I think you write both Peeta and Katniss very well, and I rarely see OOC moments with them. I'm really looking forward to the next update! PS: Do I smell a *sniff* possible love triangle? (I'm already team Devin cuz poor Celia and also THE DRAMA OF REAL STARCROSSED LOVERS) PSS: Will we be seeing a Gale/Katniss confrontation anytime soon? PSSS (I dunno if I'm doing this right): I'd like to humbly request more scenes with Devin in it. OH I just thought of something!: What if Devin joins the trio while they're going over the content of Mockingjay? PSSSS (wow this got long): Who's Devin's mom? Will we get to meet her (or Devin's siblings if he has any)?

AH! I love long reviews! Okay thank you so much, I really had so much fun trying to capture the feelings of all the characters as best as possible, specifically Peeta and Katniss, so it's really nice to hear that I'm doing something right! And yes Adrain's weird feelings are definitely interesting to explore right now, and I guess we'll just have to see where this goes haha. And I actually have thought about bringing Devin into their little group, but we'll just have to see where the story goes. And yea we'll probably have some more interactions with Devin's family in the future.

HPAlwaysTHG- I love this soooooo much! I wonder what the deal with Adrian is, though... . It's definitely interesting that Lily likes Gale's son. Hopefully Gale and Katniss can regain their friendship, although I know it'd probably be hard because of Prim (T-T) and stuff. Glad to know that Katniss and Peeta told Lily about what happened with Gale, and Lily told them about what she's been doing. Now that Katniss knows (and it seemed like she wasn't happy about it), will Lily ever get to finish the tapes? I'd really enjoy her reaction to the scenes in the cave. Lily could either be a) disgusted with how much she has to watch her parents kiss (if she gets to the beach scene in the Quarter Quell... heh), or b) the Everlark-shipping person that we all turned into when we read The Hunger Games. Speaking of Everlark, can we have more? I've been devouring Everlark fanfics since lockdown started, and the scenes with the two of them here are GREAT. TL;DR I love this, Lily and Devin storyline is interesting, as is Adrian because he's been acting a little off ever since Devin happened (but how would I know, it's your story), can't wait until Lily watches the cave scenes (if she'll be allowed now), and please more Everlark!

For the moment, Gale and Katniss's friendship is definitely iffy and neither of them are really sure where things are going to go now that they are back in the same district. We will continue to see Lily and her friends watch the tapes, whether Katniss likes it or not haha. And yes, I'll definitely try and write more Everlark, since I adore them.

Again thank you all so much for the reviews, please keep it up, I love reading them! And now, onto the story!

~Jillian

Xoxo

(Katniss' POV)

"I just can't believe this entire time, she was watching the tapes of our Games! How could we not have known?" I ask Peeta as we lay in bed that night.

"To be fair," he starts, an amused sort of smile on his face, "it's not like we didn't notice anything. We knew she was staying someplace every day, doing something she wasn't telling us about. It's not like she was doing a very good job of hiding it." He adjusts the gold frames of his reading glasses as he looks back down to his book. How he manages to read and listen to me at the same time, I'll never know.

"And every time she came home with literal tear streaks on her face, I don't know why I just assumed they were from school, even though that had ended hours ago!" I continue, turning on my side, and nudging my head into the crook of Peeta's neck. "I just feel stupid…"

Peeta puts his book down, not bothering to mark the page when he looks down at me, having to lean back a bit to look in my eyes. "Hey," he whispers, voice firm yet concerned, "you are not stupid. Neither of us are, okay? Just because we are Lily's parents does not mean we are mind readers. Even if we wish we were sometimes," he adds with a small chuckle.

I can't help but smile. "How are you so smart?" I ask, reaching out to cup his face. He shrugs, I laugh, pulling him in to kiss me. "I'm sorry if I can be a bit overwhelming sometimes," I confess. "Lately I've been treating you like a therapist and that's not right."

Peeta quirks an eyebrow, "Hey, I knew what I signed up for 42 years ago when I first fell in love with you."

"Has it really been 42 years?" I ask, astonished.

"Well I've been in love with you since we were five, and I'm almost 47 now," he answers, shaking his head in a similar disbelief. "Damn, we're old."

"You're telling me," I scoff, "I'm already 47."

"Gross."

My mouth drops open in a shocked laugh, and I shove his shoulder. Hard. "Shut up! At least I still have muscle, you're all wrinkles, " I lie, laughing at the way his jaw drops in mock hurt.

"Wrinkles? I am not wrinkly! Take that back Katniss Mellark!" He commands, wrapping his muscled, and unwrinkled, arms around me, holding me hostage.

I squeal in that girlish way only Peeta hears, trying, though not very hard, to get away. "I will not! You called me gross first!"

"Puh-lease," he taunts, "you know I think you're beautiful. Always have been, always will be."

I can't help but melt at his words, however cheesy they may be, going limp in his arms. Peeta wastes no time, taking advantage of my moment of weakness, turning us over so I am on top of him, my legs straddling his hips. I don't really fight back. Why would I? I smile as I lean down to kiss him, my heart light.

The kiss, though extremely pleasant, doesn't go much further. The both of us are just too tired from the day's events, emotionally and physically. I lean my head on his broad chest, finding comfort in the sound of his steadily beating heart.

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice sounds muffled from where my head lays, so I turn to meet his bright blues. "What are we gonna do about Gale?" His voice has taken on a tighter sound, as it usually does when he's uncomfortable. I don't blame him. Not long after we both returned to District 12 after the war, I told Peeta pretty much everything that had happened between Gale and me. He knew most of it, like how we met and why we stayed friends, which I had told him long before, but there was plenty he didn't know that really hurt him. It was hard to tell the person I was finally certain I was in love with that I had been with someone else when he already loved me. I'll never forget his face when I told him about the few kisses we had shared while in 13. The very person Peeta was holding out for during his torture and imprisonment was locking lips with another man. It cut pretty deep.

But of course, he understood. I don't know how he manages to not hold grudges, especially considering how stubborn he can be, but he wasn't mad at me. He understood that I was confused.

"You were never obligated to love me the way I love you," he had whispered tearfully to me one night. We must have been 18 or 19.

I let out a deep sigh, resting the tip of my chin on the center of his chest. "Honestly Peeta, I'm okay with whatever you decide."

His eyebrows shoot up, surprised by my apparent nonchalance. "Are you sure?" he asks, his hand rubbing small circles on the small of my back.

I smile, "You always say that you're with me, and I'm with you too. Whatever you decide, I'll be okay. I'm more worried about you getting hurt if you have to be around him." He looks hesitant, so I continue. "If I really need to, I'll just avoid him, okay?" I say reassuringly, and that seems to calm him down.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay," he smiles slightly, but it dissolves quickly, "then I guess we're saying hi to Gale."

I swallow the lump in my throat and I feel Peeta do the same.

"I guess we are."

(Lily's POV)

The remainder of Saturday passes in a blur. After my talk with my parents, I barely left my room, and before I knew it, the sky was dark and I was the only one still awake. I couldn't sleep, no matter how tired I was, I just couldn't get my eyes to stay closed and my mind to turn off.

I just kept thinking about my parents' faces. The disbelief, the shock, the hurt. Especially my dad, he almost looked… embarrassed. As if it was humiliating that he had suffered, that he should be embarrassed about nearly being killed after being placed in a literal deathmatch.

I expected my mom's anger though. We're similar in that way, using anger as a first defense to hurt. Sometimes I'll catch myself as I do it, noticing that I yell and accuse when all I really want to do is cry.

I've cried a lot lately.

I don't mean to, it just happens.

I'm so sick of it though. I almost miss the ignorance of not knowing, even though I know, logically, it's better that I do. In all honesty, my parents and I have never been closer, even though I see them less. But when I do, we talk. We're open with each other, honest about our thoughts and feelings in a way we didn't use to be. It's sort of refreshing, in a bizarre sort of way.

At some point through the night, my thoughts wander to Devin. One of the few bright spots in my life at the moment. I think of his eyes, the pools of silver that seem so familiar yet so different. Comforting yet exciting. My stomach clenches when I think of the way they sparkle with mischievousness when we banter. The way they soften when he looks at me. The way they darkened after I kissed his cheek goodnight.

I'm a goner.

Oh shit, is that sunlight?

It is in fact sunlight, I literally did not sleep a wink. I groan, turning away from my window and rubbing my eyes. It's pointless to try and sleep anymore, so I force my body out of bed and down the steps, skipping the parts I know squeak.

Even though I'm not a morning person, I do adore this time of day. The chill of the morning air, the soft chirping of birds on the trees, it really is beautiful. But nothing beats the beauty of a fall sunrise. So after brewing myself a cup of lavender tea, I make my way to the back porch to watch the sunrise.

I breathe in the morning air, deeply inhaling the scent of dew on the grass. I see a pair of squirrels chase each other up a tree, and there's a bird singing on top of Grandpa Haymitch's house. Speaking of…

"Morning honey!" He calls out, making me grin. I nearly sprint over to his yard, the threat of spilling my tea being the only thing slowing me down.

"Hi Grandpa!" I see, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek, which he reciprocates. "Mind if I join you?"

"I would love nothing more," he says, smiling as he looks back to the sunrise. I quickly take my spot in my favorite rocking chair he keeps on his back porch. The wood has softened with age, making it more comfortable, and I've always loved tracing the carved designs on the arms of the chair with my fingertips. "So what are you doing up so early?"

My relaxed demeanor dissipates, and I can't help but let out a deep sigh, "I couldn't sleep, not a minute."

Grandpa huffs, shaking his head disapprovingly, "I know what that's like. Was it voices, faces, or thoughts?"

I tilt my head in confusion, "Faces and thoughts…" I answer slowly.

Grandpa nods, still staring up at the morning colors. "I remember one time I couldn't sleep for nearly a week because I kept seeing my girl, hearing her voice call out to me."

"What happened to her?"

"She died, along with the rest of my family here in twelve, while I was away at the Capitol." He must see my horrified face out of the corner of his eye, as he looks back at me, "Housefire."

"I- I'm sorry. I didn't know." I whisper, wishing I could eat my words.

"It's okay. It was over 50 years ago. It soon gave way to other images, other voices, and faces."

There's a pause, a silent second, where we both collect our thoughts before I open my mouth again.

"Grandpa, I know about the Hunger Games," I say, ripping off the bandaid.

"I know, honey."

"Can we talk about them?" I ask hesitantly, cringing when I see his fingers tense up.

Grandpa Haymitch searches my eyes with his own, those same silver eyes that I can't seem to escape. "What do you want to know?"

I can't help but let out a breath of relief, perking up, "I know you were the mentor for my parents in their Games, what does that mean? Why were you their mentor?"

Grandpa wrinkles his nose, running a hand through his gray hair. "When I was 16, I was reaped for the 50th Hunger Games."

I can't stop the gasp that escapes me, my hand shooting to cover my mouth.

"All you need to know is that I won, becoming the 50th Victor of the Hunger Games. Once you are a victor, you become a mentor for the future tributes from your district. It was my job to prepare them for the interviews, the training, and their deaths. I saw forty-six kids die before I met your parents."

I look away, my heart clenching in pain. Is there anyone I know who hasn't been affected by the Hunger Games?

"That must have been really hard," I finally say, before shutting my eyes in annoyance. Yea, no shit Lily, obviously it was hard.

But Grandpa doesn't laugh at me, "It was," is all he says.

We watch the rest of the sunrise in a comfortable quiet, enjoying watching the pastel purples and vibrant oranges drift across the sky.

My tea is cold when I look back at my Grandpa Haymitch. "You know I love you, right?"

His lips quirk up in a smile, "I do. Just as you know I love you. But why are you telling me this now? Don't tell me you've gone all gushy like your father."

I chuckle, shaking my head, "No, it's not like that. But, I've realized lately that I don't appreciate how much I have. How many people I love that love me too. That I'm not starving. That I will never be reaped for a Hunger Games."

I notice, stunned, that the soft light of the morning is reflecting off of the tears that have filled my Grandpa's silver eyes when he forces himself to look away from me.

"That's all I've ever wanted, honey."

My dad's already up baking by the time I get back inside. He's always been an early riser.

"Morning Daddy," I greet, placing my now cold tea in the sink.

"Good Morning Flower," he replies, flashing me a smile, "have fun with Grandpa Haymitch? I saw you guys out on the porch."

"Yea, I've missed his company."

"Well then I'm glad you spent time with him," he states, kneading what looks like dough for a pastry. "What'd you two gossip about?"

I know he's only teasing me, which makes it all the more awkward when I say, "The Hunger Games."

His back, which is facing me, goes rigid. "Oh."

"I just wanted to ask him about what a mentor was," I mumble, regretting ever opening my mouth. "I was just curious."

My dad turns around to face me, an easy smile on his face, but I can see that his gripping the counter behind him so hard his knuckles have turned white. "I'm not mad. I was just surprised. Is- is there…" I watch in shock as my dad apparently fumbles for his words. He's usually so calm and collected, but now he seems jittery and nervous. More jittery than during our past conversations about the Games for some reason.

"Is there anything you wanted to ask me about? Without your mother here?" He says finally.

I nod slowly, "Actually yes, now that you mention it." I expect my dad to come sit with me at the table at that moment, but he does not. He says, leaning against the counter, still holding onto it with a white knuckle grip. I even notice that his forehead has begun to sweat even though the air is quite chilly. But still, I press on.

"Did you join the career pack in the first Games because you were protecting mom?" I ask, feeling confident my theory is right. My dad actually relaxes at my question, and a more genuine smile graces his face.

"Yes. I knew that if I was with them, I could draw them away from her. Or I at least had a better chance of protecting her with my own life if I was with the people trying to hunt her down."

I nod, satisfied, "Is that why you got the careers to stop trying to climb the tree?"

"Mhm, in all honesty I needed some time to think, some time to plan. Katniss handled it well enough though," he chuckles.

For some reason this angers me, "But you almost died! You were stung! Cato stabbed you! How is that okay?"

Dad stops laughing and fixes me with a very serious stare, a bit of honest vulnerability shining through his eyes. "It's okay because I chose it. I chose to put myself in a vulnerable position because I thought it would help Katniss, your mother. I wasn't playing by the Capitol's rules, I wasn't playing to win. I was playing for her to win, for her to live."

"But you would have died!" I yell, the topic of my dad's death once again upsetting me.

"But she would have lived! And that's all I could afford to care about."

I'm nearly shaking in frustration, why was he so willing to give up his life for my mom when they weren't even together.

"She didn't even love you then," I spit. As soon as the words leave my mouth I regret them.

His eyes snap to mine, pupils dilating, and his entire form seems to shrink away from me.

"I-" I stutter, but he's no longer looking at me.

I watch, horrid as my Dad stumbles back, trying to get away from me. His eyes are filled with an emotion I rarely see pointed at me.

Fear.

"Dad-" I cry, reaching out a hand as I try to follow him to the steps.

"Stop! Don't come near me!" He yells, slouching against the stairs, and my face drops in hurt. Confused but determined, I keep walking to him, trying to mumble out an apology. "I'm serious, stay away!"

I freeze. Those eyes we share seem to look right through me, fear, anger, and horror swimming in its ocean.

"Peeta?"

My eyes snap up to the top of the steps, and I go slack at the sight of my Mom standing there, clutching the railing in concern. "Mom-!"

"Peeta, what's wrong?" She says, either not hearing me or choosing instead to focus on my Dad, who's pupils have gotten so large his eyes almost look black. She pulls his face into her hands and he barely resists. I can only watch, bewildered, as they whisper quietly to each other, my Mom peppering my Dad's face with a few kisses.

After a few of the tensest minutes of my life, and that's saying something, his body seems to relax a bit, and my Mom is able to pull him into a standing position and walk him up the steps.

I find my voice, "Mom, what-?"

"Stay there Lily," she commands, her voice hard and unwavering.

And that's the only response I get, besides the sound of their bedroom door closing behind them.

(Katniss' POV)

I shut the bedroom door firmly behind me, before turning quickly back around to Peeta, who sits as still as a statue on the bed. I rush to him, kneeling in front of him, but his eyes don't see me.

"Peeta," I whisper, swiping the back of my hand down the side of his face. His eyes, tortured and tired, flit over to mine. "Talk to me," I beg, "I'm here."

"You don't love me." He mumbles, voice cracking.

Tears flood my vision, and my lips as I speak, "Yes I do, Peeta. I love you so much."

"No," a lone tear follows the same path my hand took, "it's just an act. For the Games." He says it so defeatedly, so sure it's the truth, that it breaks me.

"Peeta, please, hear me," I beg, taking his head into my hands and forcing him to look me in the eyes, eerily reminding me of last night. "It's not an act. We aren't in the arena anymore. I'm here with you, in our home, where our family lives, and I love you."

"Please, just stop," he whispers, pleading with me.

"No-"

"Just stop okay! Stop lying to me!" Peeta rips his face out of my hands and throws himself backward, scrambling away from me to the other side of our bed. "You don't have to pretend anymore. It hurts too much to have you say you love me, when I know the minute you leave me you'll go to him. To Gale." Peeta breaks his piercing glare, turning his head sharply away to face the wall, wiping furiously at his eyes.

I stare at my lap, feeling my eyes burn a hole in my lap as I attempt to reel in my emotions.

"I don't love Gale the way I love you, Peeta. You know this."

"Right."

"I'm serious," I snarl, climbing on the bed towards him, even as he leans away, "I could have never fallen in love with Gale. I could have never married him, or had two beautiful children with him. I could have never done that." I grab his hand, lacing my fingers with his, staring at him even as he refuses to meet my gaze, "Not when there was you."

He finally looks down at me, face completely blank, his eyes red-rimmed and swollen.

"I'm in love with you, Peeta Mellark."

I decide to risk it, leaning up to place a gentle, testing kiss, on his unmoving lips. For what seems like an eternity, his lips remain still, until finally-

Peeta leans fully into me, threading his hands through my loose hair, and sending life into the kiss. I feel a thrill run through me, piercing my heart, and shooting down to my toes, making them curl.

Peeta pulls away, and I whimper at the loss of his lips. "I'm in love with you Katniss." Peeta lets out a soft moan, pulling me into a hug and fully engulfing me. "I'm so sorry," he whispers, "I'm so sorry I keep putting you through this. Hurting you. It's all I ever seem to do."

"No," I say, wiping at the stray tears on his face, "do not apologize for this, never apologize for what they did to you." His hands are strong in mine. "You take care of me and I take care of you, right?" I ask, kissing away the salt under his eye.

His eyes shine, "Always."

Xoxo

Phew, and there it is, I hope you guys liked the chapter, and I actually managed to upload it before midnight haha. Anyways, please leave a review to let me know what you thought of the chapter and what you'd like to see in the future, and don't forget to follow to keep up with future updates! The next chapter should be up on January 23rd!