10
Everyone came to James's halloween party! The blinky lamps dance floor was packed with Cool Kids. The record player was going hot!
Everybody was kung fu fighting!
The ladies were all over him and they didn't care about his hiccups! A Girl even suggested they went somewhere private where she could try different ways of curing his hiccups.
And even 'though he knew it was totally wrong, it did give him the idea, that just maybe, her true motifs wasn't to get rid of his hiccups.
DING DONG!
"I have to get that first," he said and went to answer the door.
First he made sure his hair looked good in the hall mirror, then he opened the door.
"Weeell look who couldn't keep away from my awesome party!"
Sirius and Remus stepped inside.
"Our brains are fine now," said Sirius.
James took their coats and chucked it on a pile of coats and wet umbrellas.
"I'm not even sure there's any room for you at my party now. I mean it is PACKED! Literally everyone's here. Lots of people I don't even know the names of. It's awsome! There's even uni girls!"
"It's pronounced unicorns," said Remus. "I think. But ever since the broony, I'm just not sure."
"Moo, I have a question for you. See if you can answer it."
"Ok."
"Do you know what a disco buscuit is?"
"Is it something you have with disco tea?"
"I think that can definitely be arranged!"
"Put me up for some of that disco tea as well, please!" said Sirius.
"I'll talk to those uni girls about it, maybe they have a recipe."
"Orange juice and vodka."
"That's a screwdriver."
"Throw in a PG tip, then. And acid!"
"Well I'm afraid there's only 'herbal tea'! I hope that's ok!"
"And it's already ready! Nope that's just steam coming out of Moo's ears. I think we better change the subject before we have a halloween were-massacre 2:0."
"Honestly, I don't care," said Remus. Eye twitch. "If some people don't know what tea is, that doesn't make them a good person. I mean it makes them a bad person. It doesn't make them not a bad person."
"I understand you were hurt by chamomile tea once," said James. "Chamomile tea told you it would always love you, but then it let you down. But disco tea isn't like that! Disco tea will make you see, that we're all one, with all the teas. And the biscuit, will put you to sleep."
"Like a hobnob?"
"Yeah, Moo. Like a hobnob."
A hash hobnob.
DING DONG!
James let a new batch of guests in. He took their coats, chatted with them about their studies.
"Magic engineering, how interesting! I haven't yet decided on a university. Party room's that way see ya there!"
The new guests followed the loud music to the party.
That's right that's right that's right that's right
I really love your tiger light!
"UNI girls!" said James with happy eyebrows. "My party doesn't look so lame now does it! All night long, you've been looking at me!"
"Well," said Sirius. "I guess you better get it while you can."
"Get what?"
"It."
"Yes. I guess we all do. We all better get 'it' while we can."
"You especially."
"Why me especially?"
"Before it's too late, that's all I mean."
"Too late for me?"
"Yeah. Like. You better get it while you can, because you never know, when it's going to be the last time, you get it. I just think you will want to get it while you still can."
"Well this girl wants to look at my hiccups so I'm feeling lucky!"
"Good for you. You don't want to miss out on that. Could be your last chance."
"Well... I guess I can't know for certain. Life is short and stuff. Yeah, let's get it while we can! I'm game! Ok who's up for tea and biscuits, then?"
"I'll have some tea and biscuits!"
Sirius peeked through the curtains real quick.
"PHEW!"
"Did you see something?"
"NO and thank GOD IN HEAVEN for THAT!"
"You seem... What did you think you were going to see?"
Sirius was so out of breath he had to swallow. He lowered his voice.
"The Casilda!"
He did the sign of the cross and mumbled a prayer.
"What's a the Casilda?"
"The la Casilda. The la Casilda is a ghost that devours penisos!"
"What does peniso mean?"
"It is Spanish for un Juan Tomasino. It's been sighted in Hogsmead!"
"A ghost that devours penisos? Have our calendars been switched again, and it's really April?"
"I don't know what month it is but I'm pretty sure it's not April."
"I mean, seriously? A lady ghost that devours penisos? That's sexist! A girl wants to have some fun and she is instantly labelled as a crazy penis devouring phantom! Talk about slag shaming!"
"That never even occurred to me but maybe you're right. Yeah, I bet that's how it was, in reality, and then the church invented their own version to demonise her. I should have understood that. I mean it's not like her victims don't deserve what's coming to them. Blokes who peep on naked girls disgust me and deserve to have their peniso chomped off."
James's head just went woo.
"Woah what? What's this got to do with blokes that peep on naked girls?"
"Oh, apparently the la Casilda only seeks out blokes that have peeped on naked girls. So as long as you have never peeped on the girls in the gym showers, you are OK!"
"But... you know I have."
"You have? Then you better watch your back for the la Casilda you freaking perv!"
"So have you!"
"Me? You are dreaming."
"Oh, did I dream we were daring each other to peep on the girls in the gym showers?"
"Yes."
"You are having me on!"
"It's the la Casilda that's going to have you on her!"
"What?"
"Look, just watch out for any attractive young woman that wants to get with you. It is bound to be the la Casilda, looking to lure you into her trap. Don't fall for it! She only wants to devour your peniso!"
James didn't know why Sirius was wasting all of their time with fairy tales when they could be partying. Then the penny dropped for him.
"Oh! Riight! Gotcha! I will definitely watch out for the la Casilda!" Wink. "Oh no where's my penis?"
"You don't appear to be taking this seriously."
"No I am!" Hiccup. "I believe in the Casilda!" Hiccup. "I believe in the Casilda!" Hiccup.
"Moo's not going to dress up as the Casilda and seduce you if that's what you're expecting!"
"I know that! If I was expecting that, that would just be weird! The Casilda, huh? That's some seriously terrifying shit! You know, it wouldn't even surprise me if there are ghosts that eat penises. There are ghosts that eat poo apparently. There are ghosts that eat all sorts of crazy stuff, so why not penises? Apparently it's down to how they died. Or was it how they lived? One of those anyway."
"Casilda isn't like those ghosts," said Remus. "Casilda isn't doing it to still her hunger. She's doing it for revenge."
"You say potato."
"Think of Casilda as a kind of penis chomping succubus."
James's head went woo again. He tore down a decorative skeleton looking for support.
"Ugh can you not use that word, please? I prefer it if you say devour."
"I know you do but it doesn't give the right impression!"
"I beg to differ. Well thanks for the warning, guys! I will definitely watch out for the la Casilda! Ok who's up for some mandrake!"
"Mandrake?"
"That's slang for Disco Biscuit. Can we just go party already? Oh, by the way, what does Casilda look like? I mean, if you tell me, then I know it's her, and it won't be scary I guess. But what if some girl wants to get with me? How do I know if it's the Casilda?"
"If anybody wants to get with you, you can be sure it's the Casilda," said Sirius.
"Can't you give me something like, I don't know, a mole on the upper lip?"
"That's a weird request but I'll see what I can do."
"An exceptionally lovely nose."
"She's from Venezuela so that's a clue."
"Then what's she doing here?"
"They ran out of penisos. She ate them all."
"So she probably has long black hair. HOW convenient. Looking forward to this, guys!" Hiccup. "Oh this hiccup is driving me mad! Who's up for soap?"
"Is that slang for mandrake or something?" Remus asked.
"You learn quick. I want to forget we had this talk. I want tea and biscuits. I want to open my mind and pass out at the same time. Then when I wake up, I will be hungover and not of sound mind. So when you appear as Casilda it might just scare me shitless! Oh, perhaps you guys should be sober tonight."
"Look," said Sirius, "it is very important that you understand that if you do encounter Casilda, it is not going to be either of us! She WILL chomp your peniso! You will have to fend for yourself with all the ghost defense magic you got, if you cherish your peniso at all."
"Hearing you loud and clear, Padfoot! Ugh! Just that word alone, together with the other word, I think that was enough to get rid of my hiccup!"
He paused, and waited.
Hiccup.
"Nope. Still there. Ok let's party! Hey Moo, did you want disco tea or what?"
"What's in it?"
"Disco sugar!"