AN: Real life has literally blown up in my face.
Work has been insane and unfortunately it doesn't look as though it will be slowing down anytime soon... :(
This is not good for my writing schedule.
Send good thoughts!
That Time You Became Protective Ass
After a few more comfortable and thoughtful moments of silence staring out the window, Embry and I agree upon making a large breakfast for the rest of the household. Both of my parents truly loved cooking and some of my fondest memories growing up were centered around making food. We'd all learned to cook at a young age and would often work together to prepare the meals, so moving around the kitchen with Embry at my side, felt like second nature to me. We didn't talk much, but simply worked together like some well oiled machine, after a while though, I could feel that Embry was building up the courage to ask me about something.
"So… want to tell me what's been going on between you and Paul?"
I hesitate briefly before deciding that after everything he's revealed, my brother deserves more than an evasive answer.
"Uhm… well, remember at the funeral how I kind of ran off?"
I continue cutting the vegetables in front of me, suddenly very thankful to have something to do while we talk.
"Yeah?"
"I was really upset and Paul found me," I pause.
"One thing led to another and we kind of-," I sigh, embarrassed to be saying this out loud to my usually incredibly protective and overbearing big brother.
"We had sex and I figured that was all it was. But then Paul asked to see me again and I couldn't stop thinking about him so we agreed to meet up on a date and then James escaped and I ended up staying here," I ramble, feeling how my cheeks flush uncomfortably.
Embry pauses what he's doing and looks expectantly in my direction.
"Nothing's happened. Seeing as my birthday is now two days away, Paul insisted on waiting."
My brother's thick eyebrows twitch with surprise, and he appears to be fighting back a smile.
"What?" I demand and he releases a short laugh.
"Nothing."
His laugh only grows stronger when I punch him in the shoulder, like I used to when we were growing up.
"Calm down, tiger, I'm just pleased that he decided to wait, is all. Even though, from your tone of voice, I can surmise that you aren't exactly pleased about the decision."
He moves over to the stove and begins preparing the muffin tins for our special Swan Family breakfast muffins.
"I get why waiting is a good idea, but it's just hard."
Embry snickers and I feel my cheeks heat at my poor choice in words.
"Shut up!"
He laughs.
"Sorry, listen, I get that you're sexually frustrated or whatever-," he openly cringes, which makes me smile.
"But, Leah, he is right. Your birthday is in two days. Starting something with Paul now would be cruel."
He sends me a pointed look before continuing.
"To the both of you. I'm sorry for bringing up the past, but-."
"Please don't bring Sam into this," I beg.
Embry stops what he's doing and faces me, a flare of irritation crossing his features and immediately I feel my own anger rise. Inside of me, I feel how every single emotion that has been building up inside of me since May is threatening to overflow. I don't just see Embry in front of me, but every single look of pity and personal involvement in my broken love life. I feel like I am about to burst.
"How can I not? Leah, you convinced yourself that you were destined to be together with someone who clearly wasn't a match-."
A sharp pain slashes through my chest and I feel my body tremble in reaction to it.
"Don't, Em, please-."
My voice is small.
"I never thought Sam was right for you. Paul, however, -," he takes a frustrated breath.
"Paul I can get. You click somehow. But Leah, just… just wait, okay? You won't regret it. Finding your mate it's-," he pauses, his expression changing into something that reminds me of reverence.
"It's everything."
His hands are heavy against my shoulders and his dark eyes burn strong with an emotion that I don't recognize. Allowing his words to sink in, I feel the anger seep out of me like a deflated balloon and slowly bob my head, acknowledging his words.
"What's all this?"
Both Embry and I startle slightly when we realize that we aren't alone any longer. Giving my shoulders a quick squeeze, Embry moves to greet his mate as I take a moment to collect myself. Following my brother's tall form with my eyes, I watch how he confidently moves towards Jared, taking him off guard when he boldly leans in kisses the hell out of him. Their open love for one another makes my heart ache in want.
I busy myself with getting everything for our enormous breakfast ready and with Embry and Jared's help, we're setting the final dishes on the kitchen table when Claire and Paul appear. Feeling confused and emotionally raw from a night of little sleep and a heavy morning conversation, I do my best to ignore Paul when he enters the room. My body, however, appears to have a life of its own and instantly reacts to his presence, urging me to move closer to him. Feeling his eyes burn into the back of my neck, I almost give in and turn around, but instead I lavish my attention on Claire and take my seat next to her at the table. Her enthusiasm is infectious and when Jared informs her that they will be leaving later that day for Forks, she bombards us all with questions.
"But what about Aunt Leah and Uncle Paul?"
After learning that Embry was my brother, I'd apparently gotten a new addition to my name, one I welcomed wholeheartedly. The empty chair directly opposite from us moves and before I can stop myself, my eyes meet those captivating midnight eyes of the one person I've been evading. When a single eyebrow rises, I realize that he's been able to see through my efforts and he isn't pleased. Deep within, I feel a swarm of butterflies take flight and adrenaline begins to pump through my blood.
"We're coming too, Princess. Don't worry. Leah and I just have some business we need to take care of before we drive down."
Turning my attention back to Claire, I give her a small smile.
"We'll be there Friday night, or Saturday at the latest."
The sweet girl doesn't look entirely convinced.
"Hey, sweetheart, guess what?" Embry's voice is incredibly soft and full of affection.
"Leah's birthday is on Friday."
Claire's eyes widen with excitement.
"So, we'll need to prepare something extra nice for her when she arrives," Jared adds with a wolfish smile.
"And our Mom is going to throw Leah a big family birthday party on Saturday and I know she'd love some help," Embry continues conspiratorially.
Planning my upcoming birthday party appears to be exactly what Claire needs to accept the fact that Paul and I won't be leaving with them that evening. In fact, her excitement skyrockets and getting her ready for her last day at Camp is a little bit of a struggle, but Embry and Jared manage to convince her, promising that they both will drop her off and pick her up when she is finished.
All this talk about my big day makes me feel uneasy, so, yet again, I try to escape everything and everyone by disappearing into the kitchen after our meal. I have my hands submerged in soapy dishwater when the hairs on the back of my neck rise to attention, alerting me of who it is that has decided to join me in the kitchen. I make sure to continue with what I'm doing, but when his warm hand touches the small of my back, I feel my body shudder deliciously against his touch.
"Why are you ignoring me, Quahlí?"
His husky voice in my ear sends a jolt of pleasure through me as his hot breath lovingly caresses my skin. I force myself to bite back a moan, clearing my voice so that I can answer him as steadily as possible.
"I've just been busy this mo-."
"Don't lie to me," he warns, gently turning me so that I can face him.
My hands are dripping with the soapy water, but as soon as our eyes meet, everything else simply fades away. Tension builds between us and I can scarcely breathe. Stepping even closer, his spicy scent fills my nose, making me feel lightheaded. Placing a hand on either side of me, successfully leaving me no escape, his eyes slowly move to check on the area that was injured the day before. My accelerated healing has worked wonders and the wound is now barely visible, but I just know that Paul's watchful gaze will catch every detail. When his dark eyes finally return to mine, I'm trembling from the intensity I feel radiating from him.
"Tell me," he demands, his breath hot against my face.
"Two days."
My voice shakes nervously and I can see confusion cross his features. I clench my jaw as I try to conjure up as much courage as I can before I try to explain what's going on in my head right now.
"What happens if my birthday comes along and we don't imprint?" I whisper, taking in every facet of his reaction.
There's a slight hitch in his breathing and his brows begin to draw together, but then I'm distracted when both of his large hands move to cup my cheeks, cradling my head between them as though I'm something incredibly precious. He doesn't speak right away, but simply holds my gaze, his dark eyes burning into mine.
"Then we go our separate ways and wish one another the very best," he finally answers in a rough, but determined tone.
Closing my eyes, I feel that ache in my chest grow with intensity at the thought of leaving him and my eyes begin to burn with unshed tears. Would yet another Uley man break my heart? Forcing my body to respond to my will, I nod my head in acceptance, even though everything in me is screaming for me not to agree. When he eventually moves away, I can't help but mourn the loss of his warm body and his subtle yet constant displays of affection. Meeting my gaze, he hands me a towel to dry my watery hands.
"Come, we have to get going. I imagine you have a few things you need to get done today?"
His voice is friendly and to the point, but I can't help but feel that something has changed between us.
"Meet you outside in fifteen?" he asks expectantly and when I again simply nod in response, he turns on his heel and leaves the room.
It takes me a full five minutes before I feel composed enough to leave the kitchen. Fucking stupid 21st birthday…
Paul is already out front in his truck waiting when I exit. Squaring my shoulders, I tighten my grip on my backpack and pray for strength before I get in. I make a point not to notice how delicious he looks in his grey button down over his white t-shirt. Crap. Spending time with him right now is the sweetest kind of torture and I feel like a child in a candy store that just found out she can't have anything. Trying to shake those thoughts from my mind, I take a shaky breath and pull up my school's website on my phone.
"You can just drop me off at campus. I know you probably have a lot you need to do today," I inform him in a curt tone, doing my best not to glance in his direction.
His almost dangerous chuckle makes it impossible not to, though. I hate how effortlessly my body reacts to him against my will, and with the wicked half-smile that is currently stretching across his pale lips, my resolve turns to mush and my body sings with desire. Jesus, he's hot.
"Did you not hear what Edward said yesterday?"
I don't even try to hide my confusion.
"Leah, I'm not leaving your side today."
My stomach drops and my heartbeats kick into overdrive at his simple response. Opening my mouth, I try to come up with an argument, but it doesn't get further than my throat when I'm struck by the weight of his piercing gaze. There's no way I'm getting out of this. Inhaling deeply, I draw my bottom lip into my mouth for a second before bobbing my head once in an almost miniscule nod. We don't talk for the rest of the drive.
Walking around the busy campus with Paul next to me feels strange and for the first time our ten year age gap is suddenly painfully obvious. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? There's no way destiny put us two together. We're too different, too-. I shake my head to clear my thoughts. Spotting Sarah standing with some of the other students from my program, I quickly make a beeline towards her. When she releases a small shout and tugs me to her like some rag-doll, I briefly regret my decision.
"LEAH?! God, we were so worried about you!"
Several of the others chime in, echoing their concern, but when Sarah gives me the once over and doesn't find a single trace of my apparent "fatal" injury, they're all silenced pretty quickly. Inwardly, I'm kicking myself for not preparing for this. Wolf-shifters and accelerated healing wasn't exactly common knowledge and therefore a pretty poor excuse. Keeping the pack's secrets safe was also a top priority for every pack member and I'd just stepped into it big time.
"Ah-," I stutter.
"It really wasn't that bad. Head-injuries simply bleed a lot, but I'm glad to see that Leah has such caring friends," Paul's voice has a strange sweetness to it as he sends Sarah a roguish yet incredibly charming smile.
"I'm Paul, by the way."
When I see how every single female (and quite a few of the males) appear to be eating up his words, completely stunned by his presence, I'm forced to fight back a powerful wave of jealousy. Walking up to greet them had been the worst idea ever.
"Yeah, well, unfortunately it looks like I'm going to have to move back home for a while," I blurt out, effectively stopping their round of introductions.
Sarah clearly struggles to pull her eyes away from Paul, but when she does I'm reminded of why we'd quickly become friends. She was probably the most compassionate person I knew.
"Your family?" she asks, her concern obvious.
She was one of the only people that knew I'd just lost my grandparents and deciding it easier to simply go with that explanation, I nod my head.
"Yeah, I'm going to go talk to the guidance counselor to figure some stuff out."
"Well, I'll make sure to send you my notes and you can call me whenever."
I give her a grateful smile, but it quickly drops with her next sentence.
"You should give Tommy a call to let him know how you are doing. He was really worried about you. And Jack too, poor guy, he was saying that you didn't want any help when he dropped you off yesterday and-."
I swear I feel Paul freeze next to me and I quickly do what I can to cut off my friend.
"Yeah, of course. Great idea. Uhm… well, we've got to get going so," I mumble awkwardly, giving Sarah a short hug before I hurry away from the group and basically run towards the administration building.
In no time at all, I feel Paul's commanding presence next to me, his long strides catching up to me quickly.
"Tommy and Jack, huh?"
His anger is evident and for some reason it rubs me the wrong way and I abruptly stop and turn to face him. The look on his face makes my heart race with excitement, but instead I try to focus on the simmering anger that's bursting to overflow inside of me. He has no right to treat me like this.
"Just don't," I warn, fixing him with as strong a gaze as I can muster.
His jaw bulges as he clenches his teeth tightly together, eyes burning with deep annoyance. Keeping my head high, I turn around and enter the building. It takes a few seconds, but soon I feel his presence behind me as he follows me inside.
The meeting with my guidance counselor goes by without a hitch. My good grades, low absence records and email from the head veterinarian in Forks promising to take responsibility for practical lessons helps ease the situation and we're able to come up with a good plan so that I won't fall behind in my studies. When I finally step out of the office, I feel lighter and pleased with the results. My eyes instantly connect with Paul's, who a little begrudgingly agreed to wait outside in the waiting area while I had my meeting, and still overcome by relief from the outcome of my meeting, I smile at him. His expression softens and he stands to meet me.
"Everything go okay?" he asks and I nod.
"I need to send an email to inform my professors that I won't be attending their lectures, but other than that I'm free to go."
He nods.
"Good. Maybe Claire can get her wish then."
My eyebrows furrow together in confusion, but luckily he quickly explains.
"I assume since things are in order that you can travel back home today."
It's an understandable conclusion, but for some reason I feel as though I've just been kicked in the stomach. I shake my head.
"Unfortunately, I still have quite a few things I need to do."
I carefully watch his expression for any hints as to what he might be thinking. Perhaps it would be easier if I just left.
"I have a mountain of paperwork I have to do today. And I'll need to pack some more of my things, pick up some stuff over at the farm, and-," I pause, releasing a frustrated sigh at how uncomfortable I suddenly feel around him.
"If you don't want me around, I can ask Em to-."
"Don't be silly," he cuts me off and reaches for my bag.
My hands are full of papers and some additional books I didn't have room for in my bag, so I'm grateful to him for his help, but it's like I've lost the ability to converse with him. We don't say a word to one another as we walk back to his truck and during our ride back home the increasingly uncomfortable silence between us is stifling. When we finally arrive, I bolt.
"Leah, hang on!" Paul's voice fills the air and I feel my frustration rise.
What now? Biting the inside of my cheek, I obediently stop and turn around. He jogs after me.
"I need to get some work done in the club."
I raise a single brow quizzically not really understanding what the issue is. He sighs heavily.
"You're not supposed to be left alone and Jared and Embry aren't back yet."
Both brows now touch my hairline. The apartment is in the same building as the club, so I'm not exactly in any danger. Has he lost his mind? Paul's lips tighten into a thin line, his obvious frustration clear to see on his features.
"Can you just work in the office while I get some things in order?"
I shake my head. He can't be serious about this.
"Paul, I'll be fine upstairs on my own."
It's clear that he doesn't think that's the case, but instead of arguing he pulls his phone out and calls someone.
"Nate, hey, listen I'll be a little while. Something came up and I need to wait for Jare to come back before I can come down."
His dark eyes shoot accusingly to mine and I roll my eyes. Stubborn, protective jack-ass… I turn on my heel and make my way upstairs, feeling like I've suddenly turned into some petulant child. Paul follows steadily behind me and for a second I consider slamming my bedroom door shut, but I stop myself just before I do.
Embry and Jared arrive about thirty minutes later and I hear Paul and Jared leave the apartment, while Embry stays to pack up some of Claire's things. I remain in my room, trying desperately to get some studying done, but my conflicting emotions makes it near impossible. Giving up after a while, I decide I need an outlet and begin making a late lunch using some of the left-overs from our huge breakfast. I try not to get distracted when I hear Paul return and Embry leave with Jared to pick Claire up from Camp as promised, but I swear I can feel his every move. Luckily, Paul gives me some much needed space, settling down in the living room with his computer, clearly trying to get some work done.
When Jared, Embry and Claire eventually arrive, I'm grateful for their distraction and listen attentively as Claire tells us all about her exciting day. Time flies by way too quickly and suddenly the time comes for them to leave. Hugging each of them tightly, I wish them a safe trip and assure Claire repeatedly that I'll see her again in just a few days. When the front door closes behind them, I can't help but feel drained.
I can sense Paul behind me, but the tension I've felt building between us all day has almost reached unbearable levels, so instead of giving him any of my attention, I reach for my phone to call Bella. I almost don't recognize her voice when the call connects, but after a while I decide it must be because I'm not exactly feeling like myself, so I quickly dismiss it. When she begins to ask about when Paul and I will be arriving, I feel my breath hitch and the need to vent hits me like a ton of bricks. Rushing to my room, I quickly close the door behind me with a loud slam.
"Paul and I will be driving down after my classes on Friday. Early Saturday at the latest," I answer, throwing myself down on my bed.
Bella's husky laughter rings through the speakers.
"You and Paul, huh?"
I can hear the innuendo in her voice and can't help but purse my lips together. If she only knew.
"Yes, Bella, Paul has been acting like a protective ass ever since your mate dropped by and spilled the beans about James and Laurent being in the Port Angeles area. He hasn't left my side for a second," I reveal, dipping into some of my frustration.
There's a noise outside of my door and my breath catches when I realize who it is. Throwing a pillow hard against the door, it makes a loud thump similar to that of a knock.
"Jeez-Louise, Paul, take it down a notch, I'm talking to Bella and I'd like some privacy, please," I shout. I swear I can feel his annoyance radiate through the door, but thankfully it doesn't take long before I hear him retreat.
Bella is giggling, the noise, a sweet distraction from the strange and emotionally charged day.
"Yeah, keep on laughing, why don't you? Soon we'll all be there taking over your house like a horrible episode of Big Brother, then we'll see if you still find this funny."
Her giggle turns into a loud laugh and I can't help but join her. It feels really nice and I finally feel some reprieve from the boiling emotions I've had building inside of me all day. When our laughter eventually dies down, her voice becomes soft as she tells me that it will be nice to have me around. My heart warms at her words and I can hear the deep longing in her voice.
"You're missing him, huh?" I ask, thinking about just how far my timid cousin and her mate have come since their imprint.
They might not have realized it in the beginning, but it was becoming clearer and clearer how truly perfect they were for one another.
"Yeah," she reveals after a moment and I have to bite back a proud smile.
When she shyly continues and confides in me about Edward declaring his love for her, I'm completely overcome by joy and excitement for her. Knowing that I need to dial my enthusiasm back a little, I settle for a small squeal. I'm not completely surprised when she after a moment addresses some of her fears and my heart breaks for her at the uncertainty and doubt I hear in her tone. Careful, so not to scare her, I do my best to assure her.
"Edward is crazy about you. His love for you is clear as day."
She doesn't say anything and my heart goes out to her. Bella didn't grow up in the Pack and my Uncle did a piss-poor job in explaining things to her, so there's so much that she doesn't understand and that only makes things worse for her. I also consider the horrible treatment and judgement she's faced just because she isn't a full-bred wolf, but half wolf and half witch. Hot rage bubbles inside of me at the memory of everything that was said about her at the Council meeting and also that incident with Rose… God, did I want to give blondie a piece of my mind, but Jake had made me promise not to.
"Listen, I know this is difficult and overwhelmingly new for you, but the imprint simply opens our eyes to who our soul mate is. Whatever feelings or emotions we might have-."
Bella's doubtful voice cuts me off.
"But what about the mating bond?"
I know I need to do what I can to both explain and convince her to trust her growing feelings for Edward. She needs to believe that what they have and what she feels is natural and authentic, not just a product of the imprint.
"The mating bond is physical, it pulls two mates together and urges them to spend time with one another, but that's about it. The emotional connection that can develop by spending time with one another, however, is not caused by the bond itself, but by the mutual feelings you allow to evolve. Hun, that's all real. It isn't an effect of some supernatural bond, but a result of the hard work and trust each person puts into their relationship. What you have with Edward? Sweetie, that's as real a relationship as they come," I pause.
My mind turns to Paul and everything we've been through over the past few days and the pain of realizing that he might in fact not be the one for me, even though I've grown to care deeply for him already.
"I know your past experiences have made it difficult for you to trust others, but Bella, please don't doubt Edward's feelings for you. If he tells you that he loves you, then he genuinely does. Be grateful that you've found your true mate and be brave. He took a leap of faith and opened up to you, doesn't he deserve the same?"
Silence builds between us and for a moment I wonder if I might have pushed just a little too hard.
"Sorry, with everything that happened with Sam and now Paul, I'm just… I don't know. I want to believe that love truly can conquer all, you know?" I release a tired sigh.
Opening up to Bella, I tell her about everything that's happened between Paul and I, but for some reason I purposely don't mention the hard wall we've appeared to have hit today. However, when she asks me point blank what I'll do if we don't imprint, I know I don't have a choice. A jolt of pain cuts through my chest at the thought and a wave of anxiety flows over me, threatening to pull me under.
"I don't know," I answer after a while.
"I really do have deep feelings for him, Bella. The way he makes me feel-," I pause, searching for the right words. "I can't describe it."
"If it was possible, would you ever consider breaking an imprint?"
Her question takes me completely off guard. It feels almost blasphemous to even mention such a thing.
"Hypothetically, of course. I mean after everything that happened between you and Sam. Wouldn't not having to think about the imprint be a blessing?"
"No."
My clear answer leaves my lips without thought. Yes, being able to have complete control in choosing ones partner might appeal to most people, but for shifters… it just isn't something I could ever imagine wanting. I remind myself that Bella hasn't had the same upbringing.
"Listen, Bella, imprinting is one of the greatest gifts we have as shifters. We get to know who our soulmate is. Yes, not all matches are good and there are no guarantees, but I guess I just can't imagine living in the dark like other species have to. They're forced to leave their hearts wide open for all kinds of damage as they search for someone to love. We don't," I pause, my thoughts and conflicting emotions finally clicking into place as I come to a painful, but necessary conclusion. Sighing tiredly, I continue.
"Even if I don't imprint with Paul, I'd never choose to be without the mating bond. No matter what."
And I realize that I mean it, if Paul isn't my mate, then there is no way that I can start anything with him. Sue's face flashes in my mind. My mother's best friend had never found her mate, but even though she must have been incredibly lonely, she never just decided to throw caution into the wind and start something with someone else. In fact, she was still waiting. No, if I didn't imprint right away, I'd wait. I owed it to my mate to wait. Breaking an imprint would never be an option for me. I purse my lips together at the thought. What a strange and unsettling idea my cousin had come up with.