NCIS

Tim woke up slowly and groggily. His body felt heavy, and the dry warmth of the bedspread gave him no reason to want to get up. He rolled slowly onto his side and stared out the window, noting that it looked like the storm from last night had dissipated and the sun was poking through the clouds. The memory of being cold and drenched hit him again as he remembered the previous night, watching Riley's truck drive away. He winced and bundled tighter under the blanket and sheets, but they started to feel too warm and too dry for him. He sat up and looked around the bedroom, noticing just how quiet it was. It was perfectly normal, if not relaxing, for Tim's apartment to be silent in the morning, but today it was too quiet for his comfort. As usual in the morning, he picked up his phone and clicked on the screen to see if he'd missed a call, but the screen showed no calls, texts, or even emails.

Disappointedly he dropped the phone back on the nightstand, and the clattering rang uncomfortably through the silence. Tim didn't know why his hearing seemed so sensitive, and while he couldn't put his finger on it, he knew there was something he wanted to hear. He slipped out of bed and immediately felt too cold in just an undershirt and boxers, but he ignored it and padded over to his record player. Flipping through his collection, he selected a random jazz vinyl to start his morning. Even on low volume, the sound of music playing felt entirely wrong and Tim quickly shut it off. He was about to resign himself to accepting that he was depressed and irritable, and that there was no audible cure.

Then his ears perked as his phone buzzed. Almost reflexively he raced back to the bedroom to his phone, hearing the exact sound he finally knew was waiting for. But upon lighting up the screen, the notification merely read that his phone battery was low and needed a charge. His heart dropped in his chest and he realized what he was waiting for. He wanted to hear from Riley. He sank to the floor and sat against the bed. The familiar lump rose in his throat and his eyes glossed over with tears that he held back. He clicked through his phone and selected Riley's contact, his finger hovering over the Call button. He didn't think Riley would answer if he called, and Tim didn't know what to say to him even if he did answer.

He flinched out of surprise when his home phone rang on his nightstand. From the floor he could see "Gibbs" on the cordless phone's Caller ID. He didn't know for sure if Gibbs and Riley had been together, but it would explain everything. But in explaining everything, it would also mean he'd been played with lies and secrets by the people he loved, and his grip tightened into a fist at the thought. After a few rings, Tim's answering machine in the kitchen picked up and Gibbs' voice came through the speaker.

"McGee… Tim, call me back. It's important."

Tim felt empty and exhausted despite having just woken from a full night's sleep. Even flickers of anger he felt towards Gibbs seemed weak and half-hearted. He wasn't even sure if he would even be able to fix things with Riley just by knowing what happened with him and Gibbs, and he wasn't ready to face either of them yet. His mind spun once again, and he had to do something. So he simply ignored the call and began his morning routine, spending the rest of the day finding every chore he could to avoid thinking about Gibbs, Riley, or the message still blinking on his answering machine.

The hours dragged by with only the sound of his bustling breaking the silence, and soon Tim's apartment was in better condition than it had been in weeks. He couldn't think of more things to do, so he sat at his desk and became mesmerized by the screensaver on his computer. He didn't know how long he sat there, but he nearly jumped out of his skin when three sharp knocks on the door broke the stillness. He slowly walked to the door and looked through the hole, and upon seeing Gibbs his first thought was there was some kind of trouble, so he quickly whipped the door open.

"Boss! Is everything okay?"

Gibbs was caught off-guard by the greeting and had to pause for a moment, then softly replied, "You tell me. You never called me back."

It took Tim a moment to understand what Gibbs meant. Then he realized that for a brief, shining moment, he'd pushed aside the crushing discomfort that had plagued him all day. It was blissful seeing Gibbs as a leader again without any baggage clouding Tim's judgement. But the moment was soon over, and Tim knew there would be only one reason Gibbs was coming over. It was ironic to him that he used to dream pleasantly about Gibbs randomly showing up at his door, and yet now that Gibbs was actually there, it was the last thing he wanted.

Gibbs waited for Tim to say something, but after an awkwardly long silence he held up a six-pack of beer and a plastic bag with two long sandwiches. "I brought dinner in case you were hungry, but I didn't know what you liked to drink so I brought beer."

Tim hadn't even realized it was getting late, and while the thought of food reminded him that he did need to eat, he didn't want to give Gibbs a reason to stay longer than he had to. "Gibbs, I'm… I'm really not hungry and I don't want to talk right now. Can we just…?"

Gibbs raised his hand to stop him. "I know what happened, and that's why we need to talk. We need to get this out in the open."

Tim frowned and his mouth crept slightly open with confusion. 'Wait, Riley told him? I thought he wanted me to go to Gibbs. Why would he make Gibbs come to me?' Anxiety built in his stomach. The feelings of resentment bubbled back to the surface as he realized what else it meant that Riley went to Gibbs. His breathing turned to angry huffs. "We already talked. You said you're just my boss, and I'm just your agent. Everything else was all in my head. That's what you said to me. There's nothing more to it."

Gibbs shook his head. "I lied, Tim. I do love you."

Tim paused. All the other feelings stopped when he heard Gibbs say the words he dreamt about. This wasn't how he wanted to hear them, but nonetheless he trembled slightly as he was completely disarmed. Gibbs' face was sincere and open. He wasn't trying to placate Tim with a quick lie, and Tim could see the difference from when he had done so before. If anything, the man now almost looked apologetic.

"Please," Gibbs reiterated.

Figuring that Riley wanted it to happen, Tim decided it was his best lead towards cleaning up the mess between them. He nodded, and stood aside to let Gibbs in.

"Please sit," Gibbs asked softly and gestured to the living room. He could tell Tim was volatile and couldn't blame him.

Tim took a couple of deep breaths, then walked back to the living room. He sat down at his computer desk where Gibbs offered him a beer, then Gibbs sat at the workstation across from him. Gibbs folded his hands around his bottle and kept looking at the floor, but Tim could see the sadness in his eyes. His walls were gone, and Tim could see Gibbs exposed for the first time. Tim still felt angry, but everything needed to come out.

Gibbs started, "I lied when I told you that I didn't have feelings for you. I did. I do. And I knew that you had feelings for me. I should've talked about it all with you sooner and I didn't. I'm sorry."

Tim's eyes widened in recognition of the momentous occasion of a Gibbs apology. But before he opened his mouth to speak Rule Six, Gibbs continued.

"I know, but some things deserve apologies. You deserve an apology. You deserve to know why I did what I did, and why Riley was upset."

Taking another deep breath, Tim finally replied, "From everything he said, I've put together that you two were involved."

Gibbs took a sip of beer and leaned forward, then nodded affirmatively.

"He was your agent," Tim reminded him with the angry quake returning to his voice. The beer in his stomach churned as he imagined Riley kissing Gibbs and felt jealous of both of them. "You broke Rule Twelve."

Gibbs narrowed his eyes as he studied Tim. "That's what you're upset about? Because I did that for him but not for you?"

Tim's heart twisted hard. His voice was angry and cutting when he replied, "There's a lot I'm pretty upset about right now. But fine, since you brought it up, why did you break Rule Twelve for him but never even TALK to me?"

"It's becauseof what happened with Riley that I knew I couldn't," Gibbs explained. "Yes, Rule Twelve was a rule when Riley joined the team, but… he was different than any agent I'd met. He was an oddball when he joined. It was me, Stan, and Langer back then. He transferred in from Cyber Crimes and filled the vacant spot. He had an odd but efficient way of looking at things, and he was a little green around the gills. They thought he was naïve, but he was just… a different kind of investigator. Stan was the Senior Field Agent, so Riley was his 'Probie.' He held his ground pretty well, though."

FLASHBACK

Two tall agents were standing over the desk of the third agent, Riley Mathis, who looked up at them with doubt.

"Come on, Riles, you'll love her!" The blonde agent on the right urged.

"Yeah right, Stan. The only women you'd ever try to set me up with is one you've already dated and would swear is insane," Riley retorted.

Stan dropped his jaw in mock insult, but didn't correct him.

Langer spoke up, "Hey, he's doin' you a favor! Besides, I'd never steer you wrong!"

Riley rolled his eyes and smiled. "Ok Langer, I'll give you credit, the last girl you set me up with was very pretty and she only tried to steal my wallet twice on that date. I trust you with my work life, but you guys got a messed-up sense of what I'm after in my personal life."

Riley flashed a smirk between the two agents at Gibbs as he appeared in the bullpen behind them, and it took Gibbs more effort than usual to look away before startling the two standing agents with his signature surprise appearance.

FLASHBACK

"His eyes… they just keep you there," Gibbs added.

Tim painfully remembered the way Riley's eyes locked onto him when he first saw him at the club and every time he looked into them after. The pit of his stomach lowered, and Tim felt a lump appear in his throat. He quietly breathed, "Yeah, they do."

"I could tell that he liked me. His eyes told me," Gibbs continued with a nod. "I didn't know just how much I had started to like him too. After Stan left, he didn't feel like he had developed enough skills, all the right instincts. He wanted me to train him like I was trained, to push him… break him. So I did. I trained him to become a sniper, and even with a pistol he became one of the best shots I've ever seen."

FLASHBACK

Gibbs stood next to Riley at one of the posts on the NCIS shooting range. He stood close while Riley stared through the scope of his M4 Carbine at five numbered targets grouped together at long-range. Gibbs's right hand rested on Riley's hip, his thumb slipping under the hem of Riley's jacket and shirt and brushing against the younger man's bare skin. He then moved his other hand to cover Riley's eyes to keep him from seeing the targets, fingertips gently feeling the smooth skin of Riley's face.

His mouth was only centimeters from Riley's ear as he whispered, "Without me, my rifle is useless."

Riley recited with him and continued, "Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will."

Gibbs briefly glanced down the range then barked, "One! Four! Three! Five! Two!" and lifted his hands away.

Riley quickly examined the targets and rapidly fired off five shots at the targets in the order which Gibbs gave them, hitting them each in the center ring just under two seconds from Gibbs's command.

FLASHBACK

Gibbs smiled at the memory. "I was proud of what he'd accomplished, as was he. I was amazed by how quickly he responded to the training, like it was always inside of him but needed to be coaxed out. Whenever he'd come down from it all, I could always tell that he was almost afraid of himself, but I tried to make sure he knew that he didn't have to be. Then it started to seem like he was pushing himself harder just to get my attention. He certainly did. I never even expected it. Once I realized something was happening between us, I gave him space because I didn't want to be alone with him in case I got tempted. One day he decided enough was enough."

FLASHBACK

Gibbs ran the sandpaper across one of the many pieces of the boat frame he was assembling. He had no music on tonight, just the sound of the paper against the wood and the occasional tap of his glass after a sip of whiskey. He heard the engine of the car just outside and the brief screech of tires stopping a car too quickly. He continued sanding as he heard his front door open and slam shut, then he waited as the fast and heavy footsteps approached the basement. Gibbs looked up to see Riley whip through the doorway and down the stairs, quickly pulling off his jacket on the way down.

Gibbs paused his sanding and scanned Riley as he moved closer. He looked exasperated and almost desperate. Riley looked back at Gibbs directly in the eyes, and Gibbs once again had difficulty keeping himself from drowning in them.

"I'm done messing around, Gibbs," Riley declared, putting his hands on his hips. He alternated pointing at himself and Gibbs and asked, "What is this? What's going on between us?"

Gibbs could feel the heat from Riley's body and could smell his scent. He didn't want to be wrong about Riley's feelings towards him, but it was still a risk. "I'm your boss, and your friend. Is there something else going on?"

Riley sprang towards Gibbs and kissed him hard on the lips. He gripped Gibbs' sweatshirt and pulled him closer until Gibbs awkwardly put his hands on Riley's shoulders.

Riley broke the kiss and stammered, "I'm sorry… I… Tell me I'm wrong and I'll be gone. We won't have to talk about this again."

Gibbs slid his hands down to Riley's upper arm and thought hard about the kiss. It was stunning and had dangerous consequences. He took a moment to silently think about the situation while staring back into Riley's eyes, which Riley interpreted only as silence.

Riley sighed regretfully and tried to pull away, "Oh god, ok, I'm sorry, I'll just-"

Gibbs smirked as he pulled Riley back up to him, slid one arm down behind Riley's waist and raised the other to cup Riley's face. "One night, just one. Ok?"

Gibbs reached down to kiss him, but let the kiss be soft and tender. Riley wrapped his arms around Gibbs and held tightly to him while they kissed in the dim light of the basement.

FLASHBACK

"I really meant for it to just be one night," Gibbs continued with a deep breath, staring intently at the floor, almost visibly reliving it. "But one night kept happening again and again. He grew to be bold, direct, everything he wanted to be and everything I hoped he would be. It stopped being just about the sex, it really began feeling right. When we were at work it was like nothing was happening; but even there we were getting closer, working together better and better. Outside of work, I couldn't resist him and he knew it. We challenged each other, and he was unlike anyone else I had been with. He was smart and witty, and he didn't take any crap from anyone and made sure that I knew it, too. After a while, he brought me to the cabin."

Tim slowly took a sip of his beer as he processed the information. His anger had slightly abated, if only for his focus on seeing what he could pull from the conversation to win back Riley. He tried to imagine Gibbs and Riley kissing and cuddling on one of the couches in the cabin's living room, and the two of them laying in the hammock looking up at the stars together like he and Riley had. "So you two were serious. How often did you go there?"

"Quite a few times over the summer and fall. I wondered where he was disappearing to before we got together." Gibbs sighed, then looked back at Tim. "Riley had spent so much time with me helping to build boats that I thought it was time I helped give him a hand around the cabin. I even helped build the new cabinets in the kitchen. It was a change from building boats, and it was another thing we could do that was special."

FLASHBACK

Gibbs casually leaned over the railing of the cabin's deck, a content smile on his face as he looked out at the golden sunrise over the valley. Riley studied him from the doorway into the house and quickly snapped a picture from a digital camera. He printed the picture from his computer then hung it with a frame in a spot on the gold-painted tree on the living room wall. Gibbs noticed it on his way back into the house but left it untouched.

Gibbs then found Riley in the still-under-construction kitchen trying to screw on a hinge for a cabinet door, but the top was just out of his reach. Gibbs smiled and came up behind him, letting their bodies rub together as he took Riley's hand and gently slipped the screwdriver out of it.

Riley smiled and quickly chuckled, "Thanks. I'll eventually remember to use the step-stool."

Gibbs let his lips press against Riley's ear as he screwed in the hinge, inhaling the smell of Riley's jet-black hair. He thought of the framed photo he'd just seen in the living room and whispered, "I love you."

Riley slowly turned and looked up at the other man with surprise as it was the first time he'd heard those words from him. He pulled at Gibbs' t-shirt to pull him closer and pressed their lips together, leaving just enough opening for their tongues to meet. Gibbs pushed him against the counter, then lifted him up to sit him on top. Riley began sliding his jeans down while Gibbs pulled off his shirt.

FLASHBACK

Tim felt like an outsider. Gibbs and Riley had a complete history that daunted anything Tim had with Riley. Riley's life had appreciable history with Gibbs, the training, the experience, even cabinets that Riley still had at the house, and yet Riley never mentioned any of it to Tim. He also remembered Riley's .45-caliber Colt engraved with Semper Fi, and finally understood it was more than just a spare pistol to Riley. The irony settled into Tim that Riley spoke of feeling like second place to Gibbs, yet now Tim felt like his relationship with Riley was second place.

Tim looked down at the floor. "You loved him too?"

Gibbs nodded. "Yes. Very much. In some ways I still do, but differently. You never stop loving the good ones, even if it doesn't work out."

"Why wouldn't he tell me?"

"Same reason neither of us told anyone – we agreed not to," he admitted. "I could tell Riley wasn't happy having to keep it a secret especially to the team, the closest thing he had to a family. But we both understood the risks when we started seeing each other. Even with that risk he still let me in."

Tim shook his head. "He didn't like when I wrote his character, Ryan Matthews, as a woman just to keep appearances for my book," Tim remembered with a twinge of guilt, seeing more of a pattern in the relationships than he liked. "He still encouraged me to keep writing it and making it as real as I could. Even having to compromise like that, he let me in too. Why did it stop between you two?"

Gibbs massaged his forehead with his hand and explained, "He had tried to be respectful of my routine, but he needed something more than just building boats and cabinets. He brought me to his cabin hoping that integrating me into his life would somehow help me move on from Shannon and Kelly, but it didn't. We had been together for just over a year, but we both knew eventually it had to end. We had a bad fight at the cabin trying to give some credence to the relationship. Riley didn't want things to be a secret anymore, but we knew it would cause trouble and neither of us wanted to end it and be alone again. When his father died, it was the last straw. He felt like an orphan. He was lost and needed a real home, something of his own that was real and wasn't a secret, and I couldn't give him that."

FLASHBACK

Gibbs sat on the sofa looking towards the stairs of his house as Riley walked down. Riley had a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and kept his face towards the ground and he reached the bottom of the stairs. Gibbs stood up to meet him between the stairs and the front door.

"You don't have to leave NCIS because of this, Riley. You should stay. I want you to stay."

"No, Jethro, I can't," he replied without looking up. "It's just everything. Maybe before Dad died I could've, but… I need a fresh start in every way. I don't know how to adjust to this new normal while carrying all this baggage. You know you and I aren't getting anywhere. Your heart is still with your girls, and I love you too much to get in the way of that."

Gibbs sighed and took Riley into his arms. Riley released the bag and leaned his head into Gibbs' chest, and Gibbs kissed him lightly on the forehead. "I'm sorry."

Riley finally looked up at him and whispered, "Me too, but this is the right thing to do. It's best that it be over now before we end up hating each other. I'd hate to consider myself one of your ex-wives."

Gibbs lowered his eyes and whispered, "Yeah."

Riley gave Gibbs one last slow, tender kiss on the lips before picking up his bag and heading out the front door.

FLASHBACK

Gibbs looked up brokenly into Tim's eyes. "It was wrong to keep him stuck in that basement waiting for me to live, and it'd be wrong to do the same thing to you. That's why I never said anything."

Tim could see the beginnings of tears in Gibbs' eyes and felt them in his own. He'd never seen him this emotionally raw and had no doubt he was telling the actual truth. He finally understood what Riley meant. Riley was second in Gibbs' life because his late wife and daughter were still first, and when Tim had said Gibbs' name Riley felt like he was second again. "That's why you didn't make a move on me? Just because you didn't want us to have something and fail?"

"I didn't want to risk losing you the way I lost Riley," Gibbs took a breath in to steady himself and looked away. "He promised me that our breakup wasn't why he was leaving NCIS, but I still feel responsible even now."

Tim shook his head and sighed. "It took him a while to get over you. That's why he said he couldn't compete with my feelings for you, because he knew what it was like to be in love with you and thought I would choose you over him."

Gibbs nodded depressingly and ran a hand through his hair. "He still thinks you will. But you haven't, and you're right not to. He still loves you, Tim, and you can both pull through this. I've already lived the best part of my life. It's not going to happen again for me. I lost Shannon and Kelly in the worst way, and even though I had failed marriages to learn from before being with Riley, I still lost him because I couldn't move on. He wasn't like the women I dated, trying to replace my girls. He was different. He was just Riley to me. But it still wasn't enough."

"I wish I would've known before," Tim mumbled as a tear dropped from his eye. He leaned forward again towards Gibbs. "Why did you wait so long to tell me all of this? Did you think that I'd just leave NCIS because we wouldn't happen?"

Gibbs huffed out a sigh. "That was part of it, but I guess I really just hoped I wouldn't have to tell you at all. I hoped you'd find a real relationship on your own, and you would naturally move on without me having to let you down. When Abby told me that Riley came around and showed an interest in you, I distanced myself from you so you'd notice him more. And of course, Abby stepped in, breaking my computer over and over so you'd avoid me and be around for Riley."

Tim frowned and looked away at the window as it got darker outside. "So Abby figured you and me out. And she wasn't just guessing about you and Riley either, was she? She knew?"

"I think she figured it out after Riley left NCIS. We never talked about it, but I could tell she knew something had happened. She called me the night you met him."

FLASHBACK

The team stood around their desks in the NCIS bullpen having just completed their mission at One Club. Riley held out his hand like a gentleman and McGee shook it.

Riley turned to Abby and asked, "Hey, do you know where Gibbs is? Been a while."

"I think he already went home," Abby replied. She already knew Gibbs had gone home, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to point Riley straight at him just yet while he showed interest in McGee.

Riley shrugged. "Alright, no big deal. Anyway, I gotta get this back to the Bureau and get showered up. I'll stop by in a few days and we can have that duel if you're not too busy," he looked hopefully at McGee. He then gave Abby a final squeeze and said, "See ya."

Abby sighed as they watched Riley leave. "You know what, I'm gonna call it a night too. Bye guys!"

Once she was clear of the bullpen, she bolted for her office in the back of her lab. She whipped out her phone and dialed Gibbs while the door slid closed.

Gibbs was just beginning to drill into the boat frame when he heard his phone ring on the workbench.

"Hey, Abby," came Gibbs' voice over the phone.

"Gibbs!" she squeaked excitedly but anxiously. "We ran into Riley today at the club."

Gibbs's heart dropped for a moment at hearing the name. He looked at the workbench and remembered feeling Riley's naked skin as he thrusted into him from behind while leaning on the workbench, and he saw an image of Riley coming down the stairs like he had many times before.

"Gibbs?" Abby asked after the silence.

"Yeah. Good," he quickly replied after pulling himself from his memory.

"He asked about you, so he may be coming to see you."

"Is that why you called, Abs?"

She was silent for a moment as she paced her lab nervously. "Well, I thought you'd like to know. And also, he met up with the rest of the team. He actually challenged McGee to a hacking duel and I think… I think there was a little something there. I just… thought you should know that he's around and what he's been up to. Is there anything you want me to do?"

Gibbs nodded at what she was trying to say. "Not tonight. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Gibbs."

Gibbs looked around the basement as he tried to imagine what it would be like to see Riley. He wasn't like Gibbs' exes that he dreaded seeing, but if Riley had an eye on McGee, it could solve the problem of McGee's crush before it became a more serious problem. It would mean pretending to be angry at McGee to drive him towards Riley, but he could figure something out. He needed to make sure that neither he nor Riley would be too tempted at seeing each other again, though. He clicked through the contacts on his phone and dialed Hollis Mann.

"Hello, Jethro," a woman's soft voice came on the line.

"Hey Hol. Just finished up a case, you think you have some time to come over tonight?"

"Yes, please, it's been a long day," she replied gratefully. "I was going to order Chinese tonight, are you interested?"

"Send it over here, I'll be waiting."

FLASHBACK

Gibbs took another sip of his beer, which was becoming lukewarm from neglect, and set it aside. "He once told me he rarely fell in love, but when he did he fell hard and fast. I hoped he'd win you over instantly."

Tim stood up and paced to the window, unable to believe what he was hearing. It wasn't just about Riley anymore; it was what had happened around them both without him even realizing it. His blood boiled in his skin and he felt disoriented. He started feeling and remembering things he hadn't even realized he was holding in. "What the hell is wrong with all of you? You- You- you just pulled my strings and manipulated me so you wouldn't have to actually TALK to me about this?! You yelled at me, made me think you were angry at me for the chance I'd run to Riley?"

Gibbs gave him a frantic look. "I was trying to help you move on! Would there have actually been a good time to talk about it? Was there ever a good time for me to tell you I love you and can't be with you for your own good?"

"Yeah, before leaving me here!" Tim spat. "If it's true that you had feelings for me, why did you just quit and abandon me when you ran off to Mexico? Why didn't you tell me then?"

"Leaving was a mistake," Gibbs confessed shamefully. "I had only just regained my memory, I was pissed off, and I needed to get away from all the bureaucratic bullshit that was happening. Leaving had nothing to do with you. But only it was only after I left that I realized what I'd left behind, including you."

Tim was fuming as he stood facing Gibbs, tears still welling from the pain he was feeling. "And then you just came back, but not even for me, it was for Ziva. I was so close… so close to being over you and moving on. I made so many excuses, blaming the trauma from the explosion, not wanting to bother you after a tough case, just so many excuses as to why you wouldn't talk to me. But then you started doing all the same things again and still pretended like nothing was happening. If you knew we could never be together, why the hell would you do that to me?!" His voice started to break. "How can you sit there and tell me you love me when you've strung me along for years? And even Abby…"

"Don't blame Abby," Gibbs replied sternly. "She was looking out for you. If anything, she was trying to keep you from pining after me when Riley was right there. This was all my fault, Tim. I wanted you to be happy, and it was too hard to break your heart when you had no one to fall back on. I tried to do the right thing by keeping my distance when you met Riley, and even there I failed. I wanted you, I was jealous, and in the elevator when we talked after you and Riley got together it took every ounce of strength in me not to take you then and there."

Blazing hot tears rolled down Tim's cheeks, his eyes still angry. "You made me think I made it all up… everything I thought…"

Gibbs asked softly, "If I had told you then that it was all real, would you have turned around and left to be with Riley like you did?"

Tim trembled but didn't say anything. He knew the answer, and he knew that everything he said and felt now proved that Riley was right – that Tim wasn't completely over Gibbs like he thought. But if he were given the choice now, he wouldn't even give Gibbs a chance.

Gibbs continued, "I'm sorry for how things happened, I really am. I made more mistakes than I can count. You don't know how hard it is to give up not just one but two men that you love so they can be happy together right in front of you. Don't let Riley go just because of me."

Tim shakily sat in his desk chair and turned away from Gibbs. He buried his face in his hands and rocked gently back and forth as emotions battled within. Gibbs reached for him and rested a hand on Tim's shoulder.

"Don't!" Tim yelped and jolted away from his chair. "Just… no. Go. You lied to me and manipulated me. Don't ask me to feel sorry for you after all that. Just leave."

Gibbs' eyes widened but he didn't move away. "I still have your back, Tim. I'm still your Team Leader and I'll protect you no matter what."

"That's what you said before, and you were lying about everything else," Tim breathed and took a step back towards his bedroom.

Gibbs nodded and started walking back towards the door. "Take some time. Don't make a decision you'll regret because of my mistakes."

Gibbs gently closed the door behind him as he left. Tim stared at the door, his thoughts careening through a whirlwind of feelings while he tried to wrap his head around everything that was just revealed to him. He felt sorry for what both he and Gibbs had put Riley through, but couldn't even comprehend facing Gibbs or Abby at work knowing what they had done to him. He decided to take a Xanax from an old prescription and chased it with another sip of his beer, hoping the cocktail would help numb his mind and let him rest. He sauntered to the bedroom and closed the blinds, then pulled the covers over his head. He didn't make a sound as his eyes stayed open in the dark, silently and slowly releasing a tear every now and then. Just before closing them, he realized that he couldn't count on a team that he couldn't trust. He couldn't regret putting honesty and trust above good intentions. His time on Gibbs' Major Crimes Response Team needed to come to an end.