Happy Tuesday! Enjoy the chapter! -A&K
Disclaimer- We do not own Glee
Chapter 11:
Blaine:
I can't start a relationship with Kurt. I'm not really relationship material. Honestly, I don't think any of the Anderson's are. Yeah, my parents may be divorcing now, but that was in the making for years. My dad could give Darth Vader a challenge for worst dad award. He can't go more than approximately five minutes without hurting someone he shares DNA with. It's a fact. Every family vacation, every birthday, every day was a struggle to love us.
My mom loves me, but she doesn't really count because she's only an Anderson by marriage and we have seen her judgement sucks since she married my dad. In my darkest moments, I worry I'm too much like him. That maybe, she loves me a little less because I am part of him.
Cooper was a great example. I practically just followed in his footsteps (just with dudes instead of girls.) We always agreed that the way to avoid heartbreak was to never get serious with anyone. Casual was the key word. And it worked for both of us for a long time. Well, until Alexa happened. I had never met someone who could simultaneously tame the crazy circus that was Cooper while encourage him to be the best of himself without squashing any of his enthusiasm. I'm absolutely convinced she is a fucking angel. I started to believe in love again after that. Then she got cancer. The struggle Cooper has every day... I just don't know if I could survive that. Especially with Cam in the picture now.
So, when I said I would think about an "us," I really did. God, did I think about him. After that kiss, (the best fucking kiss of my entire life! My legs about gave out) he was all I could think about all day. Pretty sure I flunked my biology quiz and I don't remember much after that. I wanted it. I wanted to be with him so badly. But I can't do it to either of us. I would just end up disappointing him and I couldn't stand it if anything were to happen to him. Just the thought of Karofsky hurting him in any way... I would lose it. It would kill me to see him with anyone else, but I would inevitably end up hurting him, just like I use to.
The best thing for both of us would to just be friends.
I would wait to talk to him about it until after we worked at the shop after school. I didn't want two Hummel's mad at me at the same time.
I sighed and closed my locker. A pair of beautiful blue eyes that made my heart beat a little faster locked onto mine. He was smiling and biting his lip that I now knew tasted so good. He did taste like strawberry lip balm.
"Hey."
One damn word and I'm about to melt into a puddle. I can feel my IQ dropping. God, how did I not notice this before? These feelings snuck up on me so fast.
"Hey. How are you?"
How are you? How are you! Come on, Anderson! You have more game than that! What the hell? Kurt licked his lips.
"I'm fine. You ready to talk?" I looked at my phone.
"I can't right now, but maybe tonight after we work at the shop?" Kurt raised an eyebrow.
"You want to wait until tonight to talk about..." He glanced around and drug me by my sleeve into a bathroom. Oh god, it was the bathroom. This was awful. He crossed his arms. "Why do you want to wait?" I swallowed and found a cool spot on the wall to look at.
"I just don't want anyone to overhear us." I lied. "Especially considering what happened the other day. I want to talk when it's just us." He smiled with so much hope that I swear I felt my heart breaking a little.
"It's just us now." He gestured around the bathroom. "And this is kind of our spot." He laughed a little awkwardly. I tried to laugh too, but it got caught in my throat. A worried look flashed across his face.
"Are you okay? I mean, you do want..." He took a deep breath and gently wrapped my hand in his. I stared down at them, noting how perfectly they fit. So warm and perfect. This sucked.
"Blaine, I know we have not always had the best relationship. We have always had our differences." I snorted and he narrowed his eyes at me, but he kept smiling. "Anyway, once I began to think of you as my friend instead of my enemy, these feelings just happened. It was so natural. Like breathing. It's why I was so weird this last week. I really want to see where this goes. I... I want to be your boyfriend." The last word he said so quietly. I felt like I was going to throw up. He was looking down too and I squeezed his hand.
"I agree with everything." He smiled so happily and his eyes looked a little misty. "But, I can't... be your boyfriend." His smile fell and I immediately wanted to take it back. He looked so sad. Not the scared sad like after the incident with Karofsky, but a disappointed sad that was somehow worse. I never wanted to be the reason why Kurt looked that way.
"I don't want to hurt you..." He smiled a little again and pulled me to him a little more.
"Oh, Blaine! You won't! It's not like with Karofsky at all, if that's what your thinking. I mean, that was awful, but I wanted to kiss you yesterday and you won't hurt me! You haven't. Well, after we became friends. It did hurt when you punched me but I-" I held up my hand to stop him from rambling anymore. He wasn't understanding.
"I am glad. I wanted to kiss you too and I still do, but it's an Anderson thing. I shouldn't be in a committed relationship because I'm not capable of it. I'll just end up hurting you somehow. I can't be anyone's boyfriend." He froze for a minute, then dropped my hands. I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. I was already hurting him. Such a jerk. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"So, let me get this straight; you want to be with me, but you won't because there is a 'chance' that you might hurt me because you're an Anderson which honestly sounds like bullshit." I shook my head.
"It's not. My family doesn't have a great track record." He was definitely crying now. He shook his head and swiped angrily at his red eyes.
"You know what I think? I think you just don't want to be tied down and so you're blaming your family. Tell me I'm wrong." The bell rang.
"Kurt, I don't expect you to understand. My family is just screwed up..." He held his hand up and wiped his face again. He wouldn't look at me.
"It's bullshit, Blaine. You're just scared. Guess what? I was scared to tell you how I felt too. But I still did it and made an idiot of myself because I think we could have something amazing here. But sure, blame your family or whatever. I have to go to class." I clasped his shoulder, but he shrugged me off. He grabbed the door handle, but paused and turned to me one last time. His blue eyes were shining with tears and his knuckles were white from holding the handle so tightly.
"You make me happy, Blaine. I don't know why, but you do. Yesterday was... it was the best kiss I've ever had and I really, really like you. More than I thought I could. But I'll respect your decision. I just wish you thought we were worth trying." He threw me a weak smile and left. I did the right thing. He didn't understand. I just wished it didn't feel like I had made the biggest mistake ever.
...
Cooper:
"The little Prince drew himself up to his full height, which was most unfortunately not much. With a magnificent scowl, he placed his hand into his sword. The majority of the royal family found this endearing and quite average, but they bowed to the whims of the Prince anyway."
I took off my glasses and rubbed my face. Trash. It was all trash. I just needed to delete it and start over. Maybe it should be a princess? No, too cliche. It was about a prince. A tiny prince. I was just struggling with a terrible case of writers block.
A lot of people said I was "dramatic" or "excessive" or "ruining Thanksgiving with my stories about my root canal done in Shakespearean monologue," but I knew these things made me a great writer. I preferred to think of myself as creative and wildly entertaining. Writing wasn't my original plan, but it had become my dream.
I was barely making ends meet and chasing each audition when I met Alexa. She changed everything. She fully supported my acting career and yeah, maybe I would have made it big eventually, but thanks to a drunken email, I got my shot at writing children's books. It was a joke, but she found the story I had made up so hilarious she sent it to a publisher friend she had. It was the plot to the first of many successful books and I found myself satisfied in my career for the first time. Then Camilia came and I was smitten. I got even more inspiration from her (and feedback. Kid's a tough critic) and my job allowed me to stay home with her. Life was amazing.
Then Alexa got the diagnosis. I've never given up. I won't. And now I'm thankful for this job more than ever.
I took a deep breath to will away the tears and glanced at the clock. I noted that it was almost time to wake her for her medication. I still had a few minutes to call Blaine. He was acting so different lately. I honestly didn't know what to make of it. Maybe the divorce was finally taking it's toll on him. A few rings and I heard his voice and what sounded like a crowd of people. I must have caught him at lunch.
"Hey, Squirt! How's the leg?" A sigh. And they said I was the dramatic one.
"It's my ankle, Coop. And it's better."
"I know that. You do realize you are missing the opportunity to get a sexy gay pirate thing going on with a peg leg and maybe an eyepatch-"
"Mkay, Cooper. Now is not a great time for your insanity. I have class soon." He spat. Killjoy.
"Someone is testy today. Everything alright? Did you run out of hair gel or something?" I could practically see him counting to ten. Another sigh.
"What do you want, Cooper?"
"I was just reminding you about dinner on Monday. I know you have Football practice, well you did before you got smooshed, but you can just come after your done. I already cleared it with mom. She said she would come if she could. Why don't you bring that boy that Cam won't shut up about. The fan of mine? Kurt, right?" He was silent for so long I thought he had hung up. I realized he must have gone to a quieter place to talk when he finally cleared his throat.
"I'll try to make it."
"No, you better be here. Cam will cry if you don't come."
"Wow, thanks for the guilt trip, you ass. As for the date... I think I fucked that up so don't set another place." I had been just trying to tease him a little, but Blaine was talking to me about a boy? This never happened. Usually he would just make some crude comment and laugh it off. However, this... he was serious.
"What happened?" He groaned.
"Same thing that always happens. I hurt him. He wants to be my boyfriend, but I told him I couldn't. It's safer."
"Whoa, you can't date him because it's not safe? What does that even mean? He's not abusive to you, is he?"
"No! He's... he's perfect, Coop. I'm the one who will hurt him. It's in my genes." He sounded resigned. Boy must have gotten a concussion when he got hit at the game.
"You're not making sense, little brother. How will you hurt him? What's in your genes?" He was quiet for a moment.
"I'm an Anderson. Everyone has always told me I'm just like him. What's not clear about this?" He replied bitterly. God, I hated my father. He may have been a bastard to me, but he screwed with Blaine the worst. I clenched my jaw in anger.
"Listen here, Blaine Devon. You are nothing like him. You don't treat people like shit and walk all over their feelings. You are a good person and you deserve to be happy. I know I was a horrible example to you in the past, but it's because I hadn't met Lex yet. The way you are going about dating... it's just not healthy. I would know." He laughed.
"Lex is a wonderful person to put up with everything dad and life has thrown at her. She's special."
"Isn't Kurt special?"
"God, yes. He's wonderful." I could hear defeat in his voice.
"Then give him a chance." I could practically hear his mind going crazy, so there was only one way to get through to him.
"Let me tell you a little story I'm working on right now."
"Oh god. Not again..."
"Once upon a time, there was a vegetable patch."
"Cooper, I need to go." He sighed.
"It's a short story. Anyway, there was a cucumber in that patch named... Kevin. Kevin liked other cucumbers instead of carrots and he really like an adorable little pickle named... Blair."
"You're an ass." I bit back a laugh.
"Blair just wanted to be loved, but he had a mean dad. However, he also had a magnificent brother cucumber named...The Great Charlie. One day, Blair was sad and telling Charlie that he wanted to be with Kur- I mean Kevin, but he was scared of getting hurt."
"My English class starts in like, two minutes."
"The Great Charlie told Blair, 'You're being a silly little pickle, Blair. You need to put yourself out there. Because even though you can't know if Kevin will hurt you, you owe it to yourself to try.'" I rubbed my face again and saw it was almost time to get Lex's pills. I decided to drop the silly charade.
"Blaine, you have so much love to give and I know you think that you won't be a good boyfriend, but I know you're an amazing brother, uncle, and son despite what dad has done. Stop being afraid and just go for it. I don't know Kurt all that well, but I know that someone who will spend a whole day with a little girl he doesn't even know just to be with you is worth a shot. She will not stop talking about how wonderful he is and how he can sing like an angel. Seriously, spend some time with him before I have to murder him for breaking my daughter's heart." He finally laughed, even if it was a little shaky.
"Thanks, Coop. I'll think about it. You're a good brother. You better not be writing a book about me."
"I know. Love you, Blainey." I ignored the muttered death threats. "See you and Kurt on Monday, right?"
"Yeah. Gotta go for real now. Love you, Coop." I hung up and smiled. I think he would be alright. I still had about five minutes, so I decided to write while I was feeling inspired. I clicked out of the previous document and started a new one.
"Once upon a time, there was a boy who was the tiniest Prince in all the land. He had the most curious looking eyebrows that resembled triangles..."
...
Kurt:
This was shaping up to be the second worst week in my life, the first being the week my dad was in a coma, of course. I wished I could just go back to last week when I hated Blaine and stay that way. At least I didn't feel like my heart had been ripped out.
Then there was Karofsky. I saw him a few times in the hallway and he glared at me every time, like he was daring me to shout, "He's gay!" or something. I just rolled my eyes at him and swallowed down my fear. I didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with him today. I dreaded English class. I didn't want to even look at Blaine right now. He was being such an idiot, but I didn't trust myself to not beg. God, I was pathetic. I was going to have to get over this stupid crush. It was obvious he didn't want me back.
I plopped into my seat and slowly retrieved all my English supplies from my bag as I felt a presence next to me. Chandler bumped me with his elbow and started chattering away.
"Oh my god, Kurtie! I had the best time yesterday afternoon! Keith and I went to the mall again and he took me into that arcade which was like, eh. But I actually had a whole lot of fun and apparently I'm amazing at Ms. Pac-Man... Kurt? Are you okay?" He pushed up his glasses, looking at me uncertainly. I gave him a weak smile and he grimaced.
"Oh gosh. Are you weirded out by me telling you about my date? I will shut up if that's the case." I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands.
"It's not you. I would love to hear about your date, honest. I meant it when I said we were friends, Chandler. It's just not been a very good day." He didn't speak at first. The room was filling up as class was about to begin. I felt his hand on my arm.
"I don't know if this has to do with... him, but just know I'm here if you want to talk." I looked up at him and tried to smile. He really was a good person.
"Thanks, Chandler. I'm not ready right now, but I'll keep that in mind." He nodded and sat down next to me. The final bell rang and Blaine still wasn't there. Part of me hoped he wouldn't come at all, but another part of me wanted to see him. Just as our teacher was about to begin, he walked in. Although I didn't give my eyes permission, they met his. He was staring at me too, with a very odd look. It was just the two of us for a moment, our eyes drinking each other in. I wish he wasn't such a coward. I broke away and eyed my notebook instead. I didn't want to see his pity smile. I don't think I could handle it.
Chandler's head was swinging back and forth between us comically as the teacher told Blaine to have a seat. He sat in an empty seat across the room. I was kind of grateful for the space, but I missed his warmth. Blaine Anderson was going to be the death of me, I was sure.
Class drifted by and I halfheartedly paid attention. I refused to look at him even though I think he might have glanced at me a few times. I packed up early and practically ran out of there as the bell rang. I heard my name being called by either Blaine or Chandler, but I ignored it. Mercedes and Tina cornered me later, but I just told them I was tired and didn't want to talk. I knew they didn't believe me, but I just couldn't make myself care at this point. I groaned out loud when I remembered we had to work at the shop tonight. I checked the time and saw I still had an hour to go. Since my grades were fine in my last class, I decided to leave early. I never skipped, so maybe dad would forgive me this time. With my stuff packed up, I headed for my car.
...
With a grunt, I tightened the last lug nut on my tire change. I wiped some sweat off and checked the clip board for the next order. Since it was an oil change, I headed to where all the supplies were kept and caught my dad's eyes.
"What?" He sipped his coffee and leaned against the doorway as I searched for the correct oil filter.
"Kurt. Am I going to have to pester you every time something is going on with you?" I shook my head and checked the top shelf.
"Nothing is going on. I told you, my stomach felt off and I left early." He took another drink.
"Probably that turkey bacon. I think it's made of plastic." I rolled my eyes and looked for oil next after I found the right filter.
"It's not turkey bacon. Speaking of proper dietary needs, that better be decaf." He rolled his eyes right back at me.
"Of course it is. I'm being good. So, if it's not the imposter bacon, what's wrong?" I huffed as the plastic bottle of oil slipped from hands.
"Damnit! Dad, I don't really want to talk right now. I just want to work. Can I just work?" He picked up the oil from where it had bounced away and put it back on the shelf. He then grabbed a different kind and handed it to me.
"Use this one. It's better. Look kiddo, I'm definitely not against getting your hands dirty, but I don't want you to avoid your problems either. You've been upset about something for a few days now and I could tell you were upset when you came home with Blaine the other day. I'd really like to know what's going on with you. Remember how we said we would try to be better at that?" I fiddled with the bottle's cap to give myself time to answer. Dad removed his ball cap and scratched his head.
"Is it... boy problems? I'm not really ready for this, but I'll try..." I laughed. I couldn't help it. He looked so scared and nervous.
"It sort of is, Dad. I just have a lot of stuff going on and if it's ok with you, I'd rather get it sorted in my own head before I talk about it, okay?" He nodded with a smirk and grabbed his cup. We left to the main area of the shop and I saw him standing there. He had changed his clothes and fixed his hair. As soon as he saw me, he smiled nervously and glanced from me to Dad.
"Hey, Mr. Hummel. Uh, sorry I'm a little late. I had to change..." Dad just stared at him blankly, but I could tell he was amused.
"Awful nice clothes to be working in." Blaine shuffled his feet and rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes locked on mine and I felt like I was drowning in them.
"I need to talk to Kurt for a minute, if that's ok."
"No." Dad responded. We both gaped at him until he smirked.
"Kurt, take ten minutes. You've been here for awhile and I'm sure you're tired." He relieved me of the oil and filter and shuffled off to the waiting car. Blaine bit his lip and reached out for my hand. My body just responded and I felt myself being drawn to him like a magnet. Then I remembered.
"I'll be in the break room. Tell Dad I'll finish that oil change after I'm done." I withdrew my hand and ignored the hurt expression that flashed across his face.
"Kurt, please will come with me for just a few minutes. Please?" He looked so earnest and sincere. I crossed my arms.
"Why? You made everything perfectly clear this morning." He tugged at my hands.
"Please? I have been thinking and I want to talk to you." I huffed and let him pull me outside to his car. He dropped my hands and started digging in his trunk.
"Pretty sure I've seen the parking lot before, Blaine. Can we get this over with?" He pulled out a brown paper bag, and his guitar. With an excited bounce, he drug me to a bench under a tree next to my Dad's shop. He pushed me down onto the bench and pulled a plastic container out of the brown bag. He peeled off the top to reveal bite-sized cheesecakes. He set those in my lap and then withdrew a bouquet of red and yellow roses from the same bag. He thrust them at me awkwardly and I noticed he had a slight blush on his cheeks. Finally, he sat next to me on the bench and started tuning his guitar. I just watched all of this in total confusion.
"Blaine? What is all of this? You know I don't eat cheesecake. I have to stay in shape for Cheerios," I lied. My mouth was watering as I stared at those little things. He smirked but just continued strumming as a melody started to form.
"You don't eat cheesecake except on Fridays when the cafeteria serves it and you think no one is watching. I know you love it and I got some for you. Along with the flowers. And... this... I haven't practiced much, so go easy on me." He caught my eyes and smiled gently. "I thought a lot about everything and I think you were right. I was being an idiot. Ironically, a bigger idiot showed me that. Anyway, it's not much because I only had so much time to get this together, but I know you love Lady Gaga and I hope this song explains how I feel." I felt my jaw fall open. Was he about to sing to me? In public, with flowers and cheesecake? Did I inhale too many chemicals in the shop and pass out? How was this real? Then he was playing and singing in his smooth voice and I felt my heart beating out of my chest.
I need you to listen to me, please believe me
I'm completely lonely, please don't judge me
When your tears are falling, I'll catch them as they fall
I need you to listen to me, please don't leave me
I'm not perfect yet but I'll keep trying
When your tears are falling, I'll catch them as they fall
'Cause inside we are really made the same
In life, waiting's just a stupid game
Lift me up, give me a start
Cause I've been flying with some broken arms
Lift me up, just a small touch
And I'll be flying like a thousand doves
A thousand doves
Oh, oh
A thousand doves
Oh, oh
He looked up at me and winked, but I could see his nervous smile and his hands shaking a bit as he strummed his guitar.
I'd do anything for you to really see me
I am human and visibly bleeding
When your smile is shaking, I'll catch you as you fall
I cry more than I ever say
Each time your luck seems to save the day
Lift me up, give me a start
Cause I've been flying with some broken arms
Lift me up, just a small nudge
And I'll be flying like a thousand doves
A thousand doves
Oh, oh
A thousand doves
Oh, oh
Flying, flying, flying like a thousand doves
Flying, flying, flying
He trailed off and finally stopped. His hands seemed to be very interesting. I cleared my throat and tried to restrain myself from kissing him senseless. I had to know where he stood first.
"This... is all very lovely, but what does it mean? You made it pretty clear this morning that you-"
"I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared, Kurt." He interrupted, still looking down. Finally, he met my eyes. He looked so serious that I felt my mouth go dry. "I'm terrified that you will get to know me and decide all my baggage isn't worth it. I've never actually dated anyone and I don't think I'm very good at romance, but for you I'd be willing to try. The Anderson's don't have a great track record." My heart went out to him. I reached out for his hands and he eagerly grabbed them.
"Blaine, first of all, I do know you. Obviously I don't know everything about you, but I know your character. Even when we didn't get along, you never bullied anyone and you have always defended your friends. I've seen you stand up to Karofsky and I know you really care about people. I'm not sure who told you you were no good at romance, but this..." I gestured to everything. "All of this was so sweet and I can tell you actually thought of things I would like. All I want is you. I'm not dating all the Anderson's; I want to be with you." Suddenly, he was a lot closer than before and he was glancing from my eyes to my lips.
"You may have to teach me how to be a good boyfriend." I swallowed.
"I can do that. I want to." He inched closer. Now he was only focused on my lips.
"You have to teach me how to kiss too. I don't think I'm very good." Our lips brushed and my eyes fluttered closed.
"Oh, I strongly disagree, but I'm willing to double and triple check that for you." He nodded and then we were kissing, soft and sweet. Someone coughing behind me that sounded a lot like my dad made me pull away while Blaine almost fell over chasing my lips.
"Can I help you?" Dad was trying to look stern, but I could tell he was hiding a smile.
"Seems like your ten minutes turned into fifteen. And it also seems like you sorted things in your head." He reached into the container and grabbed a cheesecake bite. "Thanks for bringing snacks, Blaine. Good idea." Blaine looked pale and nervous to be caught kissing while I was just annoyed. Well, as annoyed as someone could be when they just got a boyfriend. Blaine was my boyfriend. Blaine Anderson; my boyfriend. That happened.
"Dad! You are not supposed to be eating that! Those are mine anyway." Dad tilted his head and put his hands on his hips.
"Now, why would your friend that you punched in the eye a few weeks ago be bringing you cheesecake and flowers and singing to you?" Blaine and I eyed each other sheepishly.
"Um, well, I guess it's something a boyfriend does?" Dad raised his eyebrow at Blaine, who I'm pretty sure was about to pass out.
"I have one question for you, Blaine." He gulped.
"Yes, Mr. Hummel?"
"Ever changed oil in a car?" Blaine blinked.
"Um, no?" Dad laughed and smacked him cheerfully on the back.
"Well, you're about to learn. Once you get changed of course. Also, I think you can call me Burt now." Blaine looked back at me and I shrugged. "Okay, so first thing is to make sure you have the right filter. This is very important, Blaine."
I laughed as dad drug my... boyfriend away. What is life right now? If you would have told Kurt Hummel a few weeks ago that he would be dating his arch nemesis Blaine Anderson, he would have laughed you out of the room. But here I was. I sniffed the flowers and popped a cheesecake bite in my mouth as I followed them inside. Blaine fucking Anderson.
...
Songs used:
1000 Doves - Lady Gaga
*We do not own any music used or mentioned*