"Goddamn it!" Arthur shouted to himself in camp the next morning, quickly sweeping his hand and knocking over an empty coffee percolator, unintentionally alerting the whole gang to his little fit.
When he felt them staring at him, he looked up. "Sorry…" he rubbed his neck before walking off.
And later that afternoon, he went looking for a special something to put himself to sleep. He asked Pearson, who directed him to Strauss, who waved his finger to his left.
Arthur looked in that direction. "Who, Susan?"
Strauss did nothing but nod, keeping his gaze down at his books.
Arthur walked over to her. "Hey there, Miss Grimshaw," he began sheepishly. "Was wonderin' if you had somethin' could help a man get to sleep. I was advised to speak with you."
She looked him over. "You don't seem to be in need a' sleep, Mr. Morgan. No bags under your eyes. Just a bit antsy for some reason." She started back about her work. "Good bowl a' Pearson's stew set ya right—"
"Damn it, woman," he chuckled airily, going into a low tone as she paused and turned to eye him. He grinned and tilted his head. "Either you got it, or you don't got it."
She squinted and half-smirked, then walked to her secret stash as he followed. "Here," she said, handing him a little burlap bundle. "Valerian root and lavender. Does wonders. You need anymore, you just come to me, all right—"
"I'll take all you got."
Her brows rose. "You gonna find me more ingredients?"
"'Course, course," he nodded. "Just let me have it all."
She placed multiple little bundles in his cupped hands, and to her surprise, he walked off and began unwrapping one right away.
He brewed it, drank it, and quickly released the flap on his covered wagon to ensure he'd be left alone.
And as he lied down on his cot, in a matter of moments he was dreaming of them again.
They were in the homestead at Deer Head Ranch. It was evening, the cabin was dimly lit. And his younger self was leaning against the threshold of the master bedroom, watching her in the tub with her back to him as she bathed their son. She lifted him up in the air, and as she slowly brought him back down to kiss him, he had the biggest smile on his pudgy little face. His baby fat was even more noticeable, each roll more distinct.
As they sat there in the quiet, with the dim light from the sunset illuminating the gossamer curtains behind them, he watched the soft smile on his younger self's face. And he knew there was nothing else he wanted in the world.
When the scene changed, Eliza was standing near the crib in Isaac's room one morning.
"Ten months today," she whispered. When she saw him with his leg craned up, holding his foot, and sucking on his big toe, she laughed. "No need for that, silly. If you're hungry, mama'll feed you. But look what I got for you this morning." She showed him a spoon she'd left outside to chill overnight as a treat to soothe his gums.
Its shine caught his eye, and right away he dropped his foot and reached up for it.
She smiled when he started to munch on it. "Yep…thought you'd like that."
After she changed his diaper and lifted him into her arms, she caught a whiff of cedarwood extract and grinned. "Someone's been kissin' on the baabyyy…" she sang as she walked back to the master bedroom with him on her forearm.
Arthur was asleep on his back in bed as she came and rested Isaac on his belly beside him before walking off towards the dresser. Isaac was dressed in a little flannel sleeper pajama that she must've made for him. It covered his feet, but the wrists were open for his little hands.
When Isaac rested his hand and his closed fist with the spoon on his father's long-john clad chest and began to push himself up and crawl with wobbly steps, trying to side-step up closer to him, Arthur woke.
"Hey, big time," he said with a groggy smile. "How ya doin' today, bubba? Huh?" He patted his little diapered bottom a couple times.
"He's got a spoon, Arthur."
"I see it."
"I just don't want him to stick the other end down his throat."
"Nah, he'll be all right. Huh, bud? Daddy'll watch you. Hey, you ready to take a little trip today? We gotta make our trip we do every couple months, get some things they don't have here in town. You gonna help Mama and Daddy out at the store in the big city?"
"Big city?"
When he heard her scoffed laugh, he smirked and looked up at her flatly. "Breckenridge is a big city for us. Bigger 'an Misty Willow."
"Well…I guess that's true. Lord knows I ain't ever seen a bigger one." As she finished fastening her stays, she turned to leave the room. "I'm gonna put on some coffee, okay?"
"Mm-hm," he said as he rested his head back on the pillow. He watched Isaac suck and munch on the cool spoon, his little bottom wiggling behind him as he tried to get a good footing. Arthur smiled at the sight and rested his eyes a moment.
"Dada," he heard.
He quickly opened his eyes and looked at him. "What was that?" He scooted up a bit to rest his head against the headboard, never taking his eyes off him. "What was that now?"
"Dada."
He wheezed with a big smile. "Hun! Get back over here! He said it!"
"Oh no, Arthur, not again," she moaned as she came into the room.
"He did!" he pointed at him, looking at her as she came to sit beside him on the bed. "Have I ever lied to you?"
She grinned wryly. "Are we counting about this?"
He rolled his eyes. "Come on, son, show her. Say it again. What's my name?" He waited with big, expectant eyes, gesturing to himself. "What's my name?"
Isaac looked back and forth between them and took the slobbery spoon out of his mouth. "Mama."
"Ugh, no!" he groaned and threw his head back, avoiding Eliza's pointed squint and smirk.
Isaac smiled bright. "Mama! Mama!" he giggled and bounced. "Mamamama."
"Oh, now he thinks it's funny. Great," he said with a fed-up gesture of his hand.
"Because it kinda is," she smiled up at him as Isaac crawled to her. She lied back on her side and unbuttoned her bodice to let him nurse.
"Shhhit…" he muttered, rolling his eyes and running his fingers back through his hair as he lied on his side facing them, propping his head up with his elbow. "Beat by the tit. Again." He smiled when she laughed. "Can't say I blame him."
They watched Isaac lie beside her and close his eyes, his puffy lips making an effective suction around her, his little throat pulsating with the steady intake of nutrition, his pudgy little hand resting closed on her chest.
She stroked the back of his golden head. "I'm gonna miss this, Arthur." She looked up at him. "A couple months, and he'll be walkin' and runnin' around… Then he'll shoot up like a weed, be as tall as you. And he'll leave me behind. Won't need or want me anymore."
"Aw, hun. Need don't go along with want. He'll always love his mama."
She smiled softly down at Isaac. "Just won't be quite the same. Gotta enjoy it while it lasts."
When Arthur blinked, they were standing inside a shop later that day.
Eliza had Isaac, still in his flannel pajamas, perched on her right forearm. Arthur was browsing the opposite shelves, though he regularly kept his eye on them.
When one moment while he had his back turned he heard, "Well, hey there, baby," in what was clear to him to be a slinky, sleazy tone, he turned to see a sweaty ranch hand leaning on the counter to Eliza's left, looking her up and down.
Though Arthur's fist immediately balled tight and the blood in his neck must've risen by twenty degrees, he watched Eliza smile, look at Isaac, and turn to face the man squarely as she waved Isaac's little hand to him.
"Say hi, Isaac," she said.
The lowlife immediately grimaced at the sight of what he hadn't noticed before she'd turned—a baby—and practically scurried to the other side of the store without another word.
Arthur smiled bright and had to bite his lip to keep from bursting into laughter. Whether it was at the fact that a baby was proving to be the most effective scum repellant he could ask for, or at Eliza's ever-sweet innocence, or both, he couldn't tell.
He came over and took Isaac from her, bringing his arm around her and walking her to the corner a moment.
"Keep away from him, honey," he said, his pitch low.
"Why?" she looked up at him, her brows crimped.
"'Cause he's too much like me, before you." Trusting her to take his pointed smirk as enough of a hint, he shifted Isaac onto his forearm and continued about the store.
Isaac kept his head up, his eyes alert to the multitude of new bright and shimmery things around him, to every move his father made. His mother watched as he let his little arm drape contentedly on the back of his father's shoulder. And as Arthur walked around with him, he'd steal a kiss here and one there, planting his lips on his cheek and plump little neck and going about his business for the next minute or so—as if he couldn't go long without doing so, maybe without even realizing it.
When Arthur finally arrived at the front counter with a bundle of things in his free arm to purchase, the store owner greeted them with a smile.
"Been a while since I've seen you folks in here."
"No, we don't often make it round these parts," Arthur responded as Eliza appeared by his side. "Just every couple months, for certain necessities and sundries we can't get in our neck a' the woods."
"How old is he now?" he gestured to Isaac.
"Ten months today," she beamed. "Ain't he darling in his little sleeper?" she said, adjusting the little rounded white lapels of his collar. "And so fetching on his daddy's arm? And his daddy just can't keep his lips off him." She smiled and planted a kiss to Arthur's cheek.
"Can I getcha anything else today?" the clerk asked.
"Take a couple packs a' buck shot," Arthur gestured to the shelf behind him. "I like the brand you stock here."
"Oh, and a box of chocolate please," Eliza quickly added.
Arthur turned to look at her with a twist to his brows.
Her eyes pulsates wide a moment.
He turned further and whispered to her, "You startin' your monthly soon?"
With her lips pursed tight in a grin, she tilted her head.
He promptly turned back to the clerk and set an extra bill on the counter. "Make it two boxes a' chocolate."
After they paid and stepped outside onto the boardwalk, Eliza looked around.
"All right, what next?" Arthur said, reaching around Isaac to roll the top of the paper bag. "'D you like a nice dress or somethin'?" he gestured to the tailor across the street. "Now would be the time. Bet they got nicer material here than in Misty Willow."
"Oh, no, what am I gonna do with a fancy dress, Arthur?" she waved at the notion. "Let's just take a walk and see what we see."
As she took Isaac back from him, she had her eye on the bookstore several shops down. But as they walked, their attention was snagged by a couple goods sellers with booths near the alley, and their steps slowed.
While Eliza perused a booth covered in scarves, she heard a feminine voice behind her.
"Well, hello, handsome."
She turned to see a woman grinning at Arthur.
"Bet you know how to show a gal a good time, huh?" the woman remarked, beginning to come closer as Arthur took a step back.
"Oh yes," Eliza smiled, her eyes bright as she came and stood beside Arthur with Isaac still on her hip. "He was showin' it to me just last night, while I had my tongue in his mouth."
The woman's eyes grew wide, and so did Arthur's as he turned his head to look at her.
"And you know," she continued in mock consternation, "you wouldn't believe the energy it takes for love-makin' after a full day of carin' for a little one, even for young and healthy parents. Phew! Someone oughta give us a medal."
Dipping her chin, the woman turned to quickly walk away. And just as soon, Eliza's chipper demeanor melted away into a snarl and detesting squint.
"Eliza Morgan."
"What?"
"You just don't talk about that kinda stuff in public!"
"She did!" she said flatly, adding a humph as she began to turn, keeping her eyes on the woman. "She won't be talkin' to you ever again, now will she?" Glancing up, her eyes caught his before she was turned all the way. "Flash that ring a' yours every now an' then, husband. Jehoshaphat! I gotta do all the work?"
As Arthur watched his younger self swallow and run a hand over his face, he couldn't keep from busting a gut, almost teetering over in laughter. "Come on, ya gotta admit," he said between wheezing laughs as his younger self shook off the shock and began to smirk, "she's a feisty one!" He wagged his head. "You ain't gonna get away with nothin', bud," he smiled as he watched him skip a step to rejoin her on the boardwalk. "And thankfully, you won't ever, ever want to."
And as he watched them walk together, the scene shifted and changed again. They were at home; Isaac was a few months older. He was perched naked on his father's forearm as he carried him towards the master bedroom for a bath, blowing spurting kisses into his neck and causing him to joyously, melodiously giggle.
But a few moments after they made it into the bedroom, Isaac was running out again, still naked, toddling like a chicken across the floor and laughing the entire time.
"Agh," Arthur murmured. "I'll catch him, don't worry."
And he ran out after him, but Isaac too easily made a game out of it. He was crawling under the sofas, darting through his legs and back into the kitchen.
Arthur decided to go around to the other side of the kitchen table. And when Isaac ran into him there, Arthur roared like a lion with his hands out like claws.
Isaac jumped and let out a scream that immediately rolled into a deep, raucous, throaty giggle, as he dipped the side of his chin to his chest and clenched his fists tight. And Arthur let his head sag back with a grin in triumph at the perfect sound.
While he did, he suddenly heard an entirely different sound—one of trickling and tinkling, and his eyes shot open wide.
"Oh, no! Unh-uh!" He looked down to see Isaac with his finger in his mouth, letting out a stream of urine straight onto the floor. He quickly scooped him up facing away with a hand under each of his arms and frantically scrambled as Isaac continued to leave a trail of piss. He finally ran outside and set him on the porch, where Isaac looked down and back up at his father, his little finger still in his mouth. "There ya go. Finish out here."
But it was clear he only had a few drops left.
Eliza appeared by his side in the doorway. "Arthur, what…?"
"Caught him in the middle of it."
"Yeah, I know!" she laughed, lifting her hand and letting it drop.
"Brought him out here to finish."
"Well, yeah, but…now instead of havin' it in one spot, it's all over the house!"
He grimaced and winced. "Ooh…"
She chuckled and rested her hand over her forehead and eyes, finally sighing and shaking her head.
And that evening as they sat on the sofa watching Isaac wind down as he played with his blocks in only his diaper on the floor, Arthur noticed him stand and fiddle with his bellybutton over his round little belly. With his eyes drifting closed, he finally lifted a hand to his scalp behind his ear and started to twirl his blonde hair there, over and over.
Arthur's brows came together at the sight, and he reached out and pulled his arm. "Quit that," he laughed. "You're gonna make yourself go bald."
Isaac smiled big and let out a low, moaning laugh as he swatted his father's hand away and went right back to twirling his own hair.
"It's all right," Eliza lifted her head from Arthur's shoulder. "He won't go bald. He's self-soothing."
"What you mean?"
"Well, you know that thing I do, stroke his head before he sleeps?"
Arthur paused and looked at her before gesturing to what Isaac was doing. "That there's about you?"
She grinned and nodded.
He smirked. "See hun? All this worryin' you been doin'… He'll never stop lovin' his mama. You're in everything he does, even if he don't know it."