I've actually updated in a reasonable timeframe for once. I've had a long weekend, plus this was actually one of the first chapters I wrote, before it was even part of a fic. I had fun with this one.

As usual, I don't own Bread, original Joey to pair better with Martina and so on. I've gone a bit meta in this one and given Martina a Liver Birds name this time round because, well, given Carol is meant to be related to the Bread Boswells, I like to think Beryl can be related to Martina, just for fun (and because I'm sure they would NEVER get on. I'm tempted to write her in at some point).

9

The New Experiences of Joey Boswell

'When you said have a meal with you, I thought you had something along the lines of a nice restaurant in mind,' Martina grumbled, getting hit in the arm by a stray reed. 'What daft part of your little brain thought this was a good idea?'

'Would you really want me to be so borin' and predictable?'

This wasn't as easy as it looked, though. Wading through corn stalks was proving a tougher mission than Joey had anticipated, and Martina was beginning to complain – not exactly the reaction he was hoping to elicit given this was supposed to be a grand apologetic gesture.

'Well…I asked our Billy this morning where he'd recommend, if you wanted to take a friend somewhere nice…' Joey felt sheepish even admitting this out loud. Of course, eating chips in a cornfield would not have been his first choice of activity, nor would he usually consult Billy on his and Connie's preferred outings, but…well. He'd spectacularly failed trying to do things the old, suave Joey Boswell way. Might as well try his brothers' approach to life, see if any of it would rub off on him. And given he was test-driving his newfound independence, with a new friend, might as well try a new experience at the same time. It was better than taking Martina somewhere he'd been with Roxy and spending the entire day in agony, anyhow.

'Oh, well if your Billy suggested it, it must be sound advice.' Martina rolled her eyes and shifted the paper packet to her other arm. 'There's not grass snakes in here, are there?'

'Why would you think that? And the flaw in your logic, sunshine, is that this is a cornfield.'

'Whatever it is, I don't fancy encountering any 'orrible creatures, no matter what they are. I wouldn't be surprised if there were rats lurkin' about and all.'

'No creatures are horrible, Martina,' Joey chided, pushing back a few stalks of corn to allow her past. 'You just have to learn to understand them, that's all.'

'And I'm sure if a snake or a dirty great rat came up to you, fangs flashing, you wouldn't be saying oh excuse me, d'you mind if I understand yer before you inflict grievous harm on me?'

Joey chuckled at her sarkiness. 'I've got a lot to teach you, sweetheart.'

'I don't think I asked to educated by you, thanks ever so.'

'Whether you asked or not, you won't get out of hearin' my wisdom on this one. I've got a lot of it to impart on how to show love to all living things.'

'While turnin' their hides into clothes.'

'All right, we've been through that one.' She wasn't buying his excuses about his leather, nor did she believe he was really a vegetarian. They'd argued about this in the chippy when Joey had refused to order anything fish or sausage related, and Martina had given him the lecture to end all lectures about hypocrisy, irritatingly in front of half a dozen other people in the queue and the woman trying to serve them. He decided to change the subject, for fear they'd end up in their second row in less than an hour.

'Besides, I think the most horrible thing you're likely to see here is our Adrian havin' sex with somebody.'

Martina shuddered. 'Well I don't fancy seein' that either.'

'I doubt you will. They've gone to some daft museum for the day, from what I've heard. Here looks good enough,' Joey gestured to a little clearing in amongst the reeds.

'For what? To be deserted enough that no-one will notice if someone creeps up and murders us both?'

'I'm sure if anyone tried to murder you, sweetheart, they'd be the one to die.' Joey spread his leather coat out over the ground, gestured to it. 'Sit.'

'Are you sure you want mere mortals dirtyin' up your finery?'

Just for that comment, Joey reached out with his foot, swiping the back of her ankles and knocking her off balance.

'Eh!' Martina stumbled and went down in spite of her efforts to right herself. She glared up at him. 'You do realise usin' brute force to get yer own way is frowned upon in civilised society?'

'It wasn't brute force. You were begging for that, the way you were carryin' on.'

She was still grumbling to herself as he sat down beside her.

'For someone who's supposedly me friend now, you're not going about it the right way.'

'You set the tone of this relationship, Martina. You and your surprise trip to Scotland, turnin' up at me hotel room just because I didn't sign-on. You wanna talk brute force, the force of that shock, when I saw you there…'

'I'm beginning to wish I'd left you there to rot, you know, Mister Boswell.'

Joey simply shook his head in mirth and ripped open the paper on their chips.

'You are aware, are you not,' he said, eating one, 'that my name is actually Joey?'

'If you're gonna get technical about it, it's not.'

'I think I know my own name, sunshine.'

'Your name is Joseph. Joey is a nickname that I daresay at your age you've outgrown.'

She was splitting hairs deliberately to pick an argument, because that, Joey had discovered, was how she liked to operate. She didn't like it when he got one over on her, especially when it came with a side helping of teasing. It made her pricklier, and though Joey knew he really shouldn't, he got an enormous kick out of seeing how far he could push her.

'Well, actually, he said, knowing that he must be doing one of the grins that particularly irked her, because she was biting her chips quite savagely now, 'Joey came first. Me dad always wanted to call me that, if I was a boy. Then they gave me Joseph just so I could have a longer version for official records and the Christening. You know. But I've always been Joey. Right from the beginning.'

Martina cocked her head to one side. 'What, really?'

'No!' Joey guffawed, and she moved her foot sideways and kicked him in the shin. 'God, I think this is the first time you've ever believed anything I say! What was it that made that more convincing than some of my genuine tales of me family's struggles?!'

'What possessed me to agree to being friends with you?' she muttered through gritted teeth.

'My natural charm, that's what.' He nudged her.

'You weren't supposed to respond to that.'

'If you were really talkin' to yourself, you would have done it in your head. You wanted me to hear. Ergo, you wanted me to respond. Because somewhere inside you, deep down, you like lettin' me have the last word.'

Martina sighed, shook her head, turned back to the food and resolutely ignored him.

'Oh, don't send me to Coventry, Martina!'

She didn't look up.

Joey nudged her. 'Martiiiina.'

Still nothing.

Joey nudged her again, and when she kept on ignoring him, he upped the ante, tugging insistently on a strand of her hair until she shot a ferocious glare in his direction.

'What?!'

'Greetings.' He tugged on her hair again.

'Is there any particular reason for this bout of childish behaviour, or are you just trying to make me last vestiges of sanity disappear?'

'Perhaps I'm just enjoying whiling away the time with you.'

'Perhaps it's just that for some reason unbeknownst to me, you've discovered that driving me mad distracts you from actually dealin' with your grief in a normal way.'

Joey felt his blood go cold. She was right, in a way. He was distracting himself. She was a challenge he wanted to crack, and the thrill of that temporarily chased away the memory of Roxy storming out mere seconds before their wedding, and the memory of losing his temper at his family, perhaps irrevocably damaging the way things used to be between them. Maybe that was because she'd been the one to dissipate the fog of his grief in Scotland, or because he'd got a kick out of infuriating her by trying to carry her...he wasn't sure.

'Yeah, well…' he cast his eyes skywards, trying to work out a tactful response. He found none. 'I s'pose you're right.'

'I don't think I want to be your emotional crutch, Mister Boswell.'

'Who's Mister Boswell?' Joey couldn't resist. Martina simply rolled her eyes and went on not looking at him. Joey put his hand under her chin, turning her face back to his.

'Look, I don't want you to think you're that. I am tryin' to get through it properly; don't think spendin' time with you is the only way I cope, because it isn't. I'd want to anyway.'

'Oh, yeah?' he'd got her to crack a bit of a smirk, if nothing else. 'Why?'

'Because…you're brilliant,' Joey was a bit embarrassed at his own lack of eloquence at the moment. 'I mean…you are. And…'

'Never seen you lost for words before.'

'And…' he pushed himself to get it all out, summoning the last of his mental strength, 'well, it'd work the other way around as well, you know. If you needed me. I'd be there. And in the meantime, if things were good…we could just… talk to each other. And go places. And things. God, I hope you don't remember this speech; I haven't had time to polish it.'

That last comment was a tease, and it made her eyes twinkle, to Joey's relief.

'Your royal speechwriter gone on holiday, has 'e?' Martina laughed softly. 'Why can't you go and annoy one of your other friends?'

'Don't have any. I've spent so much time tryin' to take care of me family that I sort of lost touch with them, and then with Roxy as well I just didn't have time…and I didn't mind because I had me brothers, but I haven't got them now. Not really. Not in the same way. Adrian's married, and Aveline. Jack's as good as. Billy and Connie are always off bonkin' somewhere. And I thought I wouldn't mind them all goin' off like that, because I was heading that way as well, only now…I didn't. They've all moved on and I haven't.'

Martina hummed, confirming something to herself. 'You're lonely, aren't you?'

'Is it that obvious?'

Her eyebrow sailed up into her forehead. It was answer enough.

Joey sighed.

'Look, love, I don't claim to understand the strange happenings at Kelsall Street, or the strange inner workings and customs of the tribe of Boswell or the hypocritical workings of your strange mind… but I do understand lonely. I've got a PhD in that one. ' She reached out, gentler all of a sudden, and put her hand on his shoulder.

'It's more than just that. I've got nothing in me life at the moment,' Joey admitted. 'It's at a standstill.'

'You've got your shop.'

'It's not mine, not really. It's me dad's. It's his produce, he's the one who really puts his heart into it. And I just don't feel…' he made a gesture with his hands, 'right there. It feels wrong. Like I've just been stuck somewhere out of necessity and it's not really what I should be doin'. There are so many things I could've done. I know you wouldn't understand that.'

'Wouldn't I? Everyone feels that, love. That's normal. It's called having a job. At some point you realise that if you're gonna stick with something, it means giving up other things you might've wanted to do. You have to accept that at some point your options narrow down. They have to. If you don't choose one thing, you end up with nothing at all. '

'I had things I'd rather have chosen.'

'The business that got you caught by the tax man, you mean?'

'Nah, that was just number plates. Lucrative, but boring. And evidently not as successful as I thought in the end.'

Martina looked at him in surprise. 'Number plates?! Is that what you did all those years; you sold number plates?!'

'What did you think I was doin' to earn me money?'

She considered. 'Black market stuff, I suppose. I always pictured you as a bit of a spiv. You know, Flash Harry but with more leather.'

'I'm not that exciting, sweetheart. I'm flattered, though. You gave me a more interestin' life in your head than I ever had.'

Martina hummed.

'Why me, though?'

'Well, you started it,' Joey grinned, elbowing her. 'You obviously cared enough about me to come all the way to Scotland after me.'

'Oh, God, in fifty years you'll still be reminding me of that, won't you?'

'Oh, I'd wager longer than that, sweetheart. When we've got our wings and robes and are up there sittin' on our clouds inside the Pearly Gates, I'll still be remindin' you of it.'

Martina tutted.

'Seriously, though,' Joey said, turning her shoulders so she was facing him, 'you cared enough to do somethin' about me situation. Something drastic, when no-one else did. I don't think I'd have made it if you hadn't.'

'I could've just been caring about what me superiors would do to me because you insisted on not signin' on.'

'Well, whatever the reason you actually did it,' Joey persisted, 'you gave me a kick up the arse when I really, really needed one. If you hadn't…I think I probably would've ended up just stuck there, not knowin' what to do until me money ran out, like you said.'

Martina hummed again, squashing a bit of chip between her fingers.

'All right. You've worn me down. I'll be friends with yer, Mister Boswell.'

'And I believe you already agreed to that last time we spoke, Miss Hennessey.'

'How'd you know my name?'

'Shifty.'

Martina flinched. 'He used to talk about me?! To you?!'

'Just a bit,' Joey shuffled away from her, retreating now she was looking murderously at him.

'What did he say? What do you know?'

'Steady on, Martina! It's not as if he told me your deepest, darkest secrets, is it? It's just…I mean, we all used to talk to each other about how things were going… Billy and Julie, Aveline and Oswald, Adrian with Irenee…it was just more of the same. Just things like that.'

'Such – as?'

'Oh, just…I can't remember now…' he gave up trying to lie when he copped the glare she was sending his way, 'you used to tell him off for not doin' his share round the house.'

Martina shrugged, relieved. 'Least that's true.'

'He used to steal food from your fridge when you went to Mass.'

'I knew that anyway. This isn't that bad so far.'

'You used to get up and walk around at two in the mornin' because you couldn't sleep.'

'He told you that?!' the DSS lady sounded cross again.

'Well, he used to go on rants about it because you disturbed him.'

'The nerve of him! You do realise, Joey, it was his snoring that was keepin' me awake at all hours in the first place?!'

Joey lost it then, erupting into a fit of laughter, and soon enough Martina was joining him, her head on his shoulder. They sat like that for a long time, howling with contagious hilarity, and then when they had calmed down, they sat like that for a bit longer, a physical barrier broken between them.

Good progress, then.

'So go on,' Joey said.

'Go on what?'

'Shifty didn't tell me any, but if you wanted to volunteer some deep dark secrets about yourself, it might break the ice a bit more, mightn't it?'

'Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't yer?'

'I would, matter of fact.'

'Well it's not happening, and that's the end of it.'

Joey assumed his best charming face. 'Of course I would be willing to return the favour.'

Martina's head jerked up at this.

'You mean I might be able to find out deep, dark secrets the great Joey Boswell is tryin' to hide?'

'I mean just that,' Joey whispered dramatically.

'All right,' Martina sat up straight, folded her hands in her lap. 'You first.'

'Okay.' Joey hummed, wondering what he could tell her that wasn't too humiliating, but would satisfy her enough to start talking. Edgar, perhaps. He'd try that.

'Once, I had this dog.'

'Not very interesting.'

'You haven't let me finish. Anyway, someone stole 'im one day. I was heartbroken, you know. I loved that dog. And one day I saw 'im again, down the bottom of me street. So I followed him. He'd got a new home and a new family, the blokes who'd stole him gave him to this old man, and I just didn't have the heart to tell him it was my dog. He loved him as well, you see. So I let him go.'

'That is just a sob story. It is neither deep nor dark, Mister Boswell.'

'Who's Mister Boswell?'

'Oh,' Martina moaned into her hands.

'And it could be fairly argued that that story falls under the heading of deep.'

Joey wrapped his arm around her shoulders, squeezing her.

'Right. Your turn.'

Martina furrowed her brow.

'I hardly think that was worth it.'

'Oh, come on, sweetheart! Painful memory I just shared, that. Least you can do is give me summat in return.'

Martina sighed heavily, looking up at the sky. Her pupils darted back and forth; she was weighing up options, a bit hesitant about sharing certain things with him.

'I never had any dogs to lose, or any pets for that matter,' she said at length. 'Me dad was allergic to cats and dogs, so that was that.'

'And you said mine wasn't deep or dark!'

'It wasn't!'

'I think you've set a new low bar with that. That is pathetic. You know, I would have to tunnel under the ground to get below that bar.'

'I barely know you, and you expect me to tell you me secrets?! You're askin' too much Mis – Joey.'

'Given the situation we ended up in in Scotland, I'd say we know each other fairly intimately,' Joey couldn't resist, and the pink tinge of embarrassment that came to her cheeks was worth it. 'Okay, if you want summat more from me first, I'll muster up me courage and give you something.'

'What you do for a living might be nice. It can't all be number plates and organic veg.'

'You're not gettin' that one. And anyway, organic food really is all I've got now. Everythin' else has sort of dried up. Sorry to disappoint you.'

Martina hummed, and then brightened again in a way which concerned Joey. 'All right. I know what I want.'

'Should I be afraid?'

She smirked wickedly. 'Very.'

Martina squared her shoulders and looked him in the eye. She didn't half have nice eyes, even when there was an evil tint to them as there was now.

'Why'd you get left at the altar?'

Joey stiffened, a shot of pain running through his veins.

'Er.' He breathed out heavily, raked his hand through his hair, gritted his teeth, feeling panic rise within him at the thought of having to deal with that memory again, feeling tears come to his eyes against his will, feeling his chest tighten and his breathing become hyperventilating. It seemed he could only cope when he was forgetting. Heaven knows what a wreck he must have looked, because Martina's smile froze on her face.

'Sorry, I didn't mean…' Martina's mouth turned downwards in concern, the naughty glint gone from her eyes, replaced with worry. She moved in closer again, wrapping her arm around his waist. 'Forget it. I'm sorry I asked.'

'No, no, it's…' strangely, Martina initiating touching him in this way had calmed him a little. 'It's okay. I've gotta get used to talkin' about it at some point, I suppose. Might as well be now, eh? But if I tell you this, I get to ask you anythin' I want afterwards. Deal?'

'I'm getting a feeling of dread, Mister Bos – Joey.'

'You deserve that,' Joey insisted. 'You just asked the most personal question there is.'

'Oh, God.'

'Deal?' Joey repeated.

Martina sighed. 'Deal. I think.'

'Not you think. You agreed, end of. Right, then,' Joey pulled her against him again, feeling pleased as she made herself comfortable leaning on his shoulder, settling in for the tale, 'you remember when I told you, that day in the DHSS, that I'd been in love only once?'

'Oh, yeah,' she mused, 'you mean when Shifty…and I…and I asked…' she was struggling to make a complete sentence, but it was clear she knew what he meant.

'That's the time, yes. So, she got divorced, that woman,' He couldn't bring himself to use Roxy's name. 'And over time, well, we got closer again and I thought…I thought we had a good chance.'

'Oh.'

'Now, the thing is… one of the reasons it didn't work out in the first place was…'

'You couldn't keep the promises that Joey Boswell made.'

'You remembered!' Joey was delighted. 'Well, the reason that was…she didn't like me family. She didn't like that I took care of 'em.'

'Why?'

He looked down at Martina's face. She was scowling, something he wouldn't have expected of her, given she made snide comments about their unity from the other side of the counter.

'I think she thought…I didn't make enough time for her when I promised I would. But anyway, we got back together, same thing kept happening. We split up four…five times? In the past two or three years? It was as if she used splittin' up with me to keep me in line. The worst was Rome. She got on a plane and went home because I was five minutes late.'

'Are you havin' me on again?'

'No, this is genuine.'

'Really?!'

'Truly. Few more goes, same thing happened. Then one day, I was just fed up with me family – that's a different story, but…'

'You were gettin' burnt out, I know. You told me that in Scotland.'

'So I thought if I married her, things might be different. That piece that was missin' in me life would fall into place, and then everything else would suddenly be okay. I don't know what I was thinkin'. It was a stupid decision. A snap decision. Least Adrian's was planned for a while, but I think it's what made me think irrationally, because he was gettin' what I'd always wanted, and I couldn't wait anymore. So, we went up there. We had a row, about…'

'The family?'

'Precisely. The family. No more family, she said. If we got married, I had to cut them off for good, and focus on her and our marriage. On only that, or it wouldn't work. Well, I couldn't do that, you see. No matter how angry I was with them, they're still me family. I couldn't just scrub them from me life like that. So, she left me, went home, two weeks later you turned up, and now you're up to speed.' He'd rushed the story as much as possible, his chest pricking too much already with pain without going into more detail.

'Oh,' Martina said thoughtfully. She slouched into him even more, brought her knees up to her chest and rested her folded arms on them. 'That's…'

'Another winning sob story?' Joey teased, desperate to lighten the mood.

'No, it's just…' he'd never heard her voice so soft, so sympathetic before. 'Shit.'

'Sums it up, doesn't it? And I'm the fly every time.'

She snickered lightly at the allegory.

'For what it's worth…'

'Don't pity me, sunshine,' Joey cut her off. 'I can't take it. Make fun of me all you want, but please, don't pity me.'

They were quiet for a moment.

'Right. Now.' Joey pulled her around to face him. 'You owe me a humiliation. And I have been madly curious…no, overwhelmed by curiosity…'

'You mean nosiness?'

'If that's what you wanna call it.' He put a hand on each of her shoulders. 'What happened with Shifty?'

'Lots of things happened with Shifty,' Martina said, a bit stubborn in her refusal to give him too much information. 'That's a bit unspecific.'

'Oh, you know what I mean. Given you'd tarted yourself up for a night on the town with that friend of…' he clicked his fingers, trying to make the name come back to him, 'Samantha?'

'Sylvia!' Martina snapped.

'Given her friend was on the scene, I'm taking it that means Shifty isn't. Which begs the question…what was the last straw? I mean…you two were on and off almost as much as me and Roxy.' Without even thinking, the name had slipped out, sending another wave of pain through Joey's chest. His grip tightened on her arms, and though he suspected she noticed, she was tactful enough not to comment.

'I don't know if there was one, in the end. I don't think there was anything that defined it. I mean, the first time, he lied about yer Grandad, and then he stood me up to steal a bus…there were very clear endings both times. But the final time…it was more of a death by a thousand cuts. So many little betrayals piling up, eventually I had to either shake 'em off, or be buried in them. And I just stopped seein' him as much, and it tapered off, and then he went back to prison and that was it.'

'How'd you manage to stay so calm about it? You were cut up before.'

Her tone had remained even this whole time. Joey was a wreck when he even so much as thought Roxy's name, when he even tried to talk about what had happened. And yet Martina, even though Joey knew she'd been quite attached to Shifty, and had been devastated each time he hurt her, seemed completely fine now.

Martina gave him a sad smile. 'I've had a lot of practice since then. When you've got my job, you can't go around cryin' every day, can yer? People take advantage if they think you've got weak spots. I had to learn how to keep it inside.'

'I wish I could do that. I used to, in the old days, before everythin' went to pot…somehow I just lost the ability to do it, what with all the chaos around me. I think, sweetheart,' Joey said softly, 'you've got a lot to teach me.'

'I don't think I signed up to educate you, either,' Martina said, but she was smiling, and leaning against his side, and there was so much of her he wanted to find out about, to discover, and this was the first time he'd made a new friend in so long that he was strangely content in spite of having just been reminded of his heartache. And as he sat there, taking it all in, the breeze rustling the cornfield around them, and Martina's hair splayed across his shoulder, Joey felt the sun had come out the clouds for the first time in a long time.

I know not a lot happened plot-wise and this was basically just a long conversation, but they've got a lot of ground to cover in terms of learning to understand each other, plus I just can't resist a some Joetina banter, given a lot of their chemistry comes from the way they interact when talking to one another.

Next chapter will feature a bit more of this outing later the same day, from Martina's POV.