So, I'm not sure when or if this update will show up here, but I'll post it anyway. Two more chapters - including this - to go with this story. Thanks a lot for all your kind comments.

Chapter 10

"Jay," louder now.

She was talking to him. Hailey was awake and saying his name.

"Yes, babe, I'm here."

"Good," she whispered, exhausted. "What happened?"

"You were shot," Jay just said. "How do you feel?"

"Ran over by a truck?" she tried to laugh but failed miserably and coughed.

"Easy. Shall I get a doctor?"

"Don't know. So tired."

Some silent alarm must have gone off, because a nurse appeared out of nowhere, checking on Hailey. Jay stared at her, willing her to tell him something – anything.

But she didn't. The nurse disappeared without saying a word to him and returned with a doctor.

"Sir, would you please wait outside?" the doctor said.

"Not going anywhere!" Jay objected.

"Sir! I need to examine my patient. So wait outside, please."

Jay hesitated, looked into Hailey's face. She weakly squeezed his hand. Very reluctantly Jay stood up and left the room.

Once he was back in the hallway, someone appeared by his side immediately. Mouch. Trudy had kept her word, there was always someone outside. He didn't have that much of a connection to the older firefighter, but Mouch was a good guy, and he could relate, he had been in a similar situation at least once, back when Trudy had been assaulted.

"She woke up," Jay said slowly, answering Mouch's unspoken question.

"That's good, right?"

"I think so. Let's see what the doctor says." Jay leaned against the wall. "I can't lose her. Not her."

"I know," Mouch just said. Jay was grateful Mouch didn't try to engage him into a longer conversation, that he was just standing there, keeping him company.

He wanted to go back inside, urgently, but the door to Hailey's room was still closed, and Jay couldn't see what was happening inside. He had lost all sense of time and almost flinched, when the door opened again. Both Jay and Mouch looked at the doctor, his name tag said Doctor Christopher, expectantly.

"It's looking promising," Doctor Christopher said. "As far as I can say no further bleeding,"

"As far as you can say?" Jay interrupted him, sounding harsh from worry. "What does that mean?"

"Exactly what I said, so far the bleeding stopped. She can move all extremities, so no nerves were damaged. Still, we have to monitor her for the next twelve hours, just in case."

"Can I go back inside?"

"She's asleep."

"Can I?"

"If you don't try to wake her up, yes."

Jay rolled his eyes. "I want her to know I'm here."

"Go," Mouch simply said, and Jay didn't need any further encouragement. Without waiting for what Doctor Christopher might have to say, he walked back inside, pulled the chair back up to Hailey's bed and resumed his place by her side.

It might have been his imagination, but Jay was sure that her sleep was calmer than before, more like actual sleep than unconsciousness. And – but that might just be what he wished for – she seemed less pale.

Again he laid his head on her bed, closed his eyes, thought about all and nothing.

He was still scared that Hailey's condition might change for the worse, he couldn't stop worrying. Thoughts about his job mixed with his worry about Hailey. What would happen? Would he find a way back? How? Did he want to go back? Would Voight even take him back? And how could they still work together after this? How would that even be possible? Both were not the kind of people that talked things out and easily made peace. A lot of things – in both their attitudes – would need to change.

But none of that mattered if anything happened to Hailey.

He woke up when Hailey caressed his hand and immediately sat up straight.

"How are you?" he asked softly. "How do you feel?"

She moaned. "Tired, hurt."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you." Jay whispered, but Hailey shook her head.

"Shh," she just answered. "Not your fault."

He stood up, leaned down and softly kissed her. "I was so scared, Hailey."

"I'm not leaving, Jay," she managed to say, clearly exhausted from speaking.

Jay noticed, kissed her again tenderly. "We'll talk later. When you feel better. Rest now. I won't go anywhere."

"Hmm," she just murmured, trying a weak smile.

They stopped talking, and after a while Hailey fell asleep again.

When Doctor Marcel appeared to check on her, Jay grabbed the bag and went to the bathroom to change into fresh clothes. Doctor Marcel was still in her room, when Jay returned, so he sat down outside, next to Trudy, who had returned earlier.

"How are you, Jay?"

He shrugged, "I'll be fine once Hailey's okay."

"Have you decided what you'll do?"

He shook his head. "Right now that's not important."

"Jay, you can't run forever, you must think about this," Trudy urged him. "Not right now, but soon."

"Yeah, probably."

"Jay, I won't push, but I won't allow you to throw your career away. Hailey will pull through, and then you must face this."

"Whatever." Jay shrugged. Once again, he couldn't help himself.

"I won't let you push me away, Jay," Trudy answered calmly. "We'll get this."

"Sorry, Trudy," Jay pulled himself together. "I don't know why I keep doing it."

"It's okay, Jay. Just don't forget you're not alone in this."

"Thanks."

Trudy rubbed his back again, to show him she understood. She understood Jays fears of not being enough, of being abandoned, his issues with his boss, his fear of losing Hailey, and his impulse to push everyone away. She wanted to show him that he was not alone.

When Doctor Marcel reappeared, Jay immediately wanted to go inside, but Crockett stopped him.

"We need to take her for a few more tests, Jay," Crockett explained. "You can go home, if you want to. It will take a while."

"No," Jay immediately shook his head. "I'll stay."

"Fine," Crockett answered. "Go get something to eat. I promise I have someone call you as soon as she's back up here."

"Thank you."

In that moment Will appeared to check on both Jay and Hailey, and he heard the last words.

"Come with me, Jay."

Jay looked at Trudy, who nodded. "Go, Jay. I have to take care of a few things, but I'll be back here. Go with your brother."

Will took Jay to the cafeteria, got them coffee and some breakfast, which Jay hardly touched.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Will said. "You weren't with Intelligence when Hailey was brought here yesterday, and now I heard you quit?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Jay answered. "All that matters is that Hailey is okay."

"Crockett's positive she will be okay, Jay."

"Did he say so?" Jay raised his head, hopeful. "Because he didn't tell me anything."

"He won't tell you anything unless he's absolutely sure," Will explained. "But from what he told me, it's looking good. Actually better than when you were shot. A lot better."

"Good."

"So what's going on with you?" Will asked again. "Don't you think I deserve to know when you've got problems."

Jay sighed. "Will, I don't want to talk about it..."

"Listen, Jay," Will said slowly. "I don't claim to know what was going on, but I know you. And I see that you are not in a good place right now. But I know one thing, I know you have friends. Lean on them, let them help you. Don't push them away."

"Yeah."

Jay was back upstairs in the waiting area of the ICU before Crockett could call him. Will had to start his shift, and Jay couldn't bear being too far away from Hailey.

When Crockett stood in front of him alone, Jay felt a sudden rush of fear. What was happening?

Crockett smiled encouragingly at Jay, though, raised his hands.

"It's okay, Jay," he reassured Jay. "She's fine. We will transfer her from the ICU to a regular room. The bleeding stopped, no nerve damage. She will be okay."

A huge burden was lifted off Jays shoulders.

"Can I..."

"I'll take you to her room."

"Can someone call 21st and give them an update?"

"I'll ask Maggie to do that," Crockett confirmed.

Jay followed Crockett silently to Hailey's new room, still too worried, too agitated to allow himself to be happy about the news.

When Jay entered Hailey's new room, she looked significantly better and more upbeat. She was tired, that was obvious, but her eyes were alert and she had a smile on her face when she saw Jay.

"Hey you," she said.

"Hey." Jay smiled back at her. He just had to smile. Her smile, the smile she reserved only for him, was something he couldn't resist. He leaned in closer and kissed her softly. Hailey's free hand touched his arm, then his cheek.

"You look tired, Jay."

He couldn't suppress a relieved laugh. "You think?" he smirked.

"I'm glad you're here, Jay."

"Yeah, me too."

Jay fell silent, because he was aware that Hailey was still not up to long talks, as hard as she tried to hide it. Once again he sat down at her bedside, held her hand, looked at her. Perhaps it wasn't a bad idea to be here, where he couldn't run from his thoughts, where he had to face his fear, his sadness, his anger. Perhaps this was – in some twisted way – the universe's way to force him to think about what to do.

He didn't expect to come to a conclusion, but it was not the worst idea to finally face all his conflicting thoughts and feelings. He didn't want to be that guy, the guy that pushed everyone away, that was wallowing in self-pity, that somehow seemed to enjoy being the victim here. That wasn't him. And however this ended, he would have to do something about it. That was the only conclusion he came to. He would have to address this, he needed help.

He hadn't realized how much time had passed, when he suddenly noticed the presence of another person.

Absent-minded, he looked up.

Voight was standing in the doorway.