In the Doldrums
Embry came to a stop in the clearing, looking first at Quil and then over at Jacob before huffing slightly and phasing back into his human form, his body drenched in sweat from the rather hard run the three had gone through. He needed to get them out of his head. But even though he could no longer tell what Quil and Jacob were thinking, he could clearly guess at it from the way they were looking at each other.
It was the main thing that had been going through their minds the entire run. Worry. And after a week, it was grating on his nerves.
Going for the run had been Quil's idea, thinking it might get his mind off Freja. But it had somehow made things worse. Now both of his friends knew just how badly he had been taking the break-up - if that's what you could even call it considering they weren't actually together - and he had been forced to live through their thoughts about Claire and Nessie, even though he knew they were trying to hold off. Part of him knew they couldn't help it, but it didn't make it any easier.
What's more, being more connected to his wolf had intensified the pain of Freja's rejection.
Yanking his shorts up and on, Embry then started through the trees, wanting to get away from his two meddlesome best friends. He knew the beach was nearby and he intended to spend the rest of the afternoon alone and sulking as he watched the tide go out. It seemed even nature was on his side with the ocean currently raging from the storm that was brewing, fitting his emotions perfectly.
And there was also the possibility he might see Freja, but Embry didn't dare say that outloud right now or allow himself to hope too hard.
"Embry, come on!" Quil shouted, now running after him.
"Leave me alone," Embry shouted back.
"We don't know that it's over," Quil replied. "You're being too pessimistic!"
"It's over, Quil!" Embry roared, spinning around and advancing towards him. "She won't answer my calls or texts. She wasn't at the shop. I don't even think she's left the house in the last week! She's rejected me, so just… leave me alone. You don't understand what it's like!"
He then turned and started back towards the beach, barely noticing the brisk wind against his bare skin.
"So that's it? You're going to give up just like that?" Jacob shouted at him. "Fine! Go enjoy your pity party!"
Embry stopped, closing his eyes as the pain started to overwhelm him yet again. It had become his constant companion, though usually when he was around the others, he could somewhat manage it. Or at least hide it. It didn't help that he could still feel her. His connection with Freja. It would probably always be there thanks to the imprint, even if she refused to ever see him again.
"I don't think I have a choice," Embry said, his voice strained. "I don't even know what happened… Though according to her… it's not me… But it has to be… I fucked up somehow..."
"Just… maybe give her more time. Maybe she'll come around and... " Jacob stopped. Embry turned to him, his eyebrows raised.
"What? Take me back? After she said that it was a mistake?" he finished for his friend. Jacob sighed and shook his head.
"Maybe she didn't mean it," Quil said. A harsh laugh left Embry's lips.
"Then why would she say it?" Embry asked.
"But we don't know what she meant," Quil continued.
"Exactly! I don't have a goddamn clue what she meant, but it's not like I can just go up and ask her about it now, can I?" Embry shouted. "That's the worst part! She couldn't even tell me why!"
Embry growled in frustration, running his fingers through his hair roughly as he turned and started walking again. He knew it was unfair to take out his anger, frustration and pain on Quil and Jacob. They were only trying to help. But it didn't change the fact that Freja had ended things suddenly and without explanation.
Had she been hurt before? If so, who had hurt her and how? Was she afraid? Perhaps Embry should have told her he was just as afraid as she was and maybe she wouldn't have left. Maybe she had sensed that he was keeping secrets from her and that's why.
It had been the same cycle of questions for the last week over and over again. At first, Embry had been in such shock that he didn't attempt to contact her or tell anyone. But then he eventually caved and sent a message, asking - quite reasonably he had thought at the time - to meet up. Or at least talk about what had happened. Telling her that he was sorry if he had pushed her too fast. That had then devolved to begging once or twice when she didn't respond for a couple more days.
It got to a point where Quil took his phone away from him as soon as he walked into the shop and only gave it back after they locked up for the night.
Then Embry would just sit and stare at it, praying that she would respond. But she never did.
He had even gone to the music shop once, sitting outside in his truck because he was too afraid to go in. But only her grandparents had come and gone, meaning unless Freja was living in the shop now, she wasn't there. He had wanted to go to her house, but both Quil and Jacob managed to talk him out of that, saying there was a good chance that would end up with him in jail for trespassing. He was already pushing it by going to the shop.
So instead, they had managed to drag him out for a run, but that hadn't worked either.
He knew that he needed to find a way to let her go, but right now, it was too fresh. Too painful. He should have known that this - finding Freja - was too good to be true.
"Embry, come back!" he heard Quil shout, but he ignored them, continuing on through the forest to the trail that would lead down from the cliffs.
It was then that he caught her scent.
Embry stopped, his heart stopping for a moment as he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Just the smell of her eased some of the pain, but at the same time, he knew it was likely only because she had been there at some point that day. It was faint.
He then opened his eyes and looked around before starting for the cliffs. The closer he got, the stronger her scent got. Hope sneaked in as he moved faster, hoping that he would find her there. Even if he stayed back in the trees, he only wanted to see her. To know that she was okay. He could hear Jacob and Quil moving through the trees behind him, but ignored them.
He then slid to a stop, seeing her. His heart sped up as everything inside him screamed to go up to her. To take her into his arms and assure her that whatever it was, they could work through it. To not give up on him. On them. That it wasn't a mistake.
But he fought it, somehow. Instead just standing there watching her.
She was in board shorts and a long sleeve swim shirt despite the chill to the air. He frowned slightly as she stood still on the edge of the cliff, looking out over the ocean as the wind blew her hair back. Surely she wasn't intending to jump. A storm was coming and the water was rough. Even he knew that it was dangerous to go cliff diving today. Not to mention, for normal humans, the weather was pretty damn cold.
But then she raised her arms up and laid her head back. Embry's eyes widened as his feet started moving of their own accord. He couldn't let her do this. She would get hurt or die. He then worried that that was the point. She started going up on her toes.
"FREJA! NO!" he shouted.
But it looked like she couldn't hear him as she pushed off, executing a perfect dive off the cliff and disappearing out of sight.
Embry slid to a stop just as he reached the edge, not wanting to accidentally go over as well as he watched her slice through the waves and disappear under the water.
"Holy shit! Did she just jump?" Quil shouted as he and Jacob came up on either side of Embry.
He frantically searched the water, begging for her to reappear. But as more time passed and she hadn't resurfaced, his worry only grew. He started backing up, knowing what he had to do. Things might be over, but he wasn't about to stand there and let her die.
In the few seconds that passed, he couldn't help but go through every second he had spent with her, praying that she was still alive down there. That he would reach her in time.
"Wait, you can't jump!" Jacob shouted, trying to stop him. "You'll get yourself killed."
"She's in trouble," Embry replied.
Before either one of them could physically stop him, Embry ran and leapt from the cliff, his heart pounding as the water moved closer, much faster than he was expecting. He broke through the surface, grimacing in pain and nearly taking in a mouthful of seawater. But then, he managed to stay focused, frantically looking around as he fought against the current that threatened to bash him against the rocks.
He then saw her several feet away.
Embry tried to swim towards her, though it was strange. While the current was strong, she seemed suspended in the water, her hair floating around her and her arms out, not moving. He fought against the water harder, but couldn't seem to reach her. He forgot for a moment he was under water and attempted to shout at her, instead gulping down water. The current then pulled him back. He knew he was about to hit the rocks, but suddenly, Freja turned towards him, her eyes wide.
Just as the relief that she was alive set it, there was a sharp pain at the back of his head and everything went black.
OOOO
Freja closed her eyes, kicking her legs every so often to keep in place as she allowed the throb of the ocean calm and soothe her. She loved being in the water when it was like this. At its wildest and most dangerous. It was fitting, when she thought about it. That she would be part of the ocean. She was dangerous.
And the last week had been hell.
She had turned her phone off and hid it in her nightstand so that she wouldn't be tempted to answer any of Embry's calls or texts. But like a moth drawn to the flame, every night she would pull it out and read over all the texts he had ever sent her. And then cry herself to sleep, knowing that she could never see him again.
Her grandparents had insisted that she stay home until her birthday and warned her against going out to the cliffs. For a while she had been okay with this, but with the storm approaching, she found herself restless and knew she needed to be in the water. Sure it was reckless going to the cliffs, knowing there was a chance she could run into Embry or the others. But it was the only place that really brought her peace. And she was in sore need of peace right now.
And perhaps part of her wanted to keep playing with fire. To at least see him. But there were bigger things to worry about now.
Outside of cutting Embry out of her life - which was its own brand of pain - she could feel The Change coming more strongly. Nearly her entire arm was covered in itchy, flaky skin that was now starting to peel off and another patch had started on her other arm. The call of the water was much stronger - near impossible to ignore. And long baths didn't help with that or her skin.
At random times she could feel her body shifting, as though her bones were attempting to rearrange themselves. It was the other thing keeping her up at night as random pains would shoot through her body without notice.
This brought with it fear. Fear of what was coming. Fear that she wasn't enough to survive it. No amount of reassurance or tea from her grandmother would change her mind. Freja felt like she was dying.
But in this moment, she finally felt calm. Settled. Being in the ocean.
Her heart suddenly clenched, her eyes flying open. All she saw before her was the murky water ahead of her. For a bit, she was transfixed, her sight now picking up fish swimming in the distance. A distance she hadn't been able to see before. But then in an instant, she knew that Embry was near, though she wasn't sure how. She strained to listen, and for a moment she heard nothing. But then came thuds - like someone was trying to swim. Then a garbled shout.
Freja turned her head, looking behind her where the noise was coming from. Her eyes widened as she saw Embry trying to swim towards her, his eyes wide in panic as he fought against the current. He was then thrown back, his head colliding with a submerged rock and his body going slack.
Her heart stopped and then she was moving, swimming towards him faster than she had ever swam before, though she wasn't straining for air. She knew that even with her limits, she should be aching to surface and breathe by now, but her lungs felt completely fine.
It was her nerves that were in overdrive.
Please don't die. You can't die. Please don't be dead.
She reached him and immediately swung her arm around his torso, pulling him with her as she went straight for the surface. Breaking through the water, she took a deep breath and then made sure that Embry's head was above water as well. She could hear shouting, guessing it was coming from the top of the cliff, recognizing Quil and Jacob's voices, but didn't take the time to look as she started towards the shore.
He must have seen her jump. That was the only explanation. He didn't know that she was more than capable of handling herself in the water despite the weather conditions. He had jumped in intending to save her and nearly got himself killed in the process.
"Do not die on me, Embry," she grunted as she swam, managing to move quickly despite the added weight.
Once they reached the shallows, it got a bit harder as Embry was much larger and heavier and she had to take on his full weight. But it was surprisingly easier than she thought it would be. Whether it was The Change or just the adrenaline rush, Freja wasn't sure. But somehow, she managed to drag him up to the beach, dropping him on his back.
She then dropped to her knees, putting her ear to his chest. She could hear a faint heartbeat, which was good, but he wasn't breathing. Pushing up, she positioned his head correctly before starting chest compressions, suddenly grateful for those first aid courses she had taken one summer when she thought she might get a job as a lifeguard. Her grandmother nixed that plan once she found out, but now wasn't the time to think about that.
She then pulled his mouth open and bent down, breathing for him. This certainly wasn't in any of her daydreams of finally kissing Embry, but again, another thing she didn't need to think about right now. After a few breaths, she started compressions again, but stopping suddenly when Embry turned his head and started coughing up seawater.
Freja sat back, relief coursing through her. He then blinked open his eyes, looking up at her.
"Freja," he whispered, his voice hoarse.
For a moment, she forgot everything and smiled, reaching out to put her hand against his cheek. He wasn't dead. He placed his hand on hers and warmth began spreading through her. How could he be so warm right now? He had just been in the freezing ocean and was wearing only a pair of cut-off shorts. Had he stopped to take his shirt and shoes off before he jumped? Why was he even in shorts to begin with?
Even with all the thoughts swirling through her head, Freja pushed them aside, choosing instead to focus on the fact that he was still alive.
"I saw you jump," he whispered.
"I'm okay," she said quickly.
"I thought you were-"
"It's fine. I'm fine. And now you are too," she said, tears starting to fill her eyes. Because she knew she needed to walk away again.
All she wanted to do was stay. Continue basking in the warmth of his smile that now stretched across his face, but she knew that she couldn't.
The smile fell from her face as she gasped slightly and looked around. She needed to go now before Quil and Jacob reached them. She looked back down at Embry.
"I'm sorry," she whispered before bending down and pressing her lips against his for a brief moment.
She then pushed up and started down the beach.
"Freja! Wait!"
She shook her head, tears now streaming down her cheeks.
"Keep going," she ordered herself, fighting against the urge to stop, turn and run back to him. To wrap her arms around him and never let go. He wouldn't have a chance if she stayed. "You have to keep going. This is the only thing that will save him."
"Freja, please!"
She shook her head, pushing herself to run. She needed to get far away and fast. But part of her died inside. Walking away the first time was hard enough.
This. This was pure torture.
But she didn't have a choice. If she stayed, Embry would die. Because of her. She had saved him from the water, but now she needed to do it again. She needed to save him from herself.