"Under ytan, finns stora och små… under ytan, finns det skratt och gråt." - Uno Svenningsson

Chapter 8

In My Place

Their laughter echoes in the hall. It's making her blood tickle in her veins… not in a good way. The way they're holding their bellies, covering their mouths with their hands, their mascara running down their faces from the tears of pure amusement. She can feel her vision shrinking, tunnel vision focusing all of her attention at the main girl of the group, the one that's standing right in front of her. They had come to her, searched for her, with their accusations dripping from their glossed lips, hatred burning in their eyes.

"What is your deal, Mel?" The one at front had said – god forbid she remember her name.

"Huh?"

"Don't you 'huh' us!" She had snapped, waving her perfectly done hair with her head motion. "We know you're acting sus around our boyfriends! What with all of the sneaking around the halls and talking to the nerds they mess with once they're done with them!"

"Oh, so you are aware that they're douchebags?" Mel had responded. "That… doesn't really make sense in my opinion."

They had been quiet for a while after that, but then one next to the leader had spoken up. "What is that supposed to mean?" She asked, looking slightly offended.

"Well-" Mel had said, dragging the word out as if she were in deep thought. "If I was dating a guy and found out he was treating people like garbage, I don't think I would've liked him anymore. Just saying. "

They had stared at her for a long while after that one, eyes big and jaws slack. Then the laughter had started. Sickening, insane laughter that echoes down the school's many hallways, sending shrills down the spines of everyone who hears it. It nearly made her want to rip the veins in her wrists out and just let the blood flow down onto the floor. That would've been more bearable than having to listen to this any longer. Not only that, but it would've been awesome just to see their reactions to something like that. I wonder how they would've reacted if I'd be laughing during it? Laughing like that…

"Oh. My. God!" The leader had gasped out as she recovered. "What did you say?"

She furrows her brows, not sure what they're getting at. "I said that if I had a boyfriend and then found out that they were being horrible to other people, thinking it's fun, then I wouldn't like him very much anymore." Her frown grows deeper when they laugh again. "You mind telling me why you think that's so funny?"

"Oh, sweet baby sugar!" The leader smiles at her. It's even worse than the laughter, believe it or not. "Honey, of course we know what they're doing to those nerds." She grins. "And honestly, so do we – just not the boy nerds." The glow that emits from her after that statement proves just how proud she is.

Her guts turn, acid burning from deep within them. She wants to vomit. "Why am I not surprised?" She asks lowly, more to herself than anyone else. Not that they'd be bothered by it anyway.

"And as for the whole 'like him' part," Another one joins in. "Like, nobody dates anymore because they like each other."

"Exactly." The leader steps into the conversation again, grin plastered all over her face. "I've been with other guys whilst dating Josh, and I know that he's been with other girls to. It's just how it is."

"Then why date them at all?" Mel asks, becoming more and more confused and angry at them the more they speak. "If you know they're cheating on you and clearly you're cheating on them, why even bother with starting a relationship with them?"

"Ehh… like, status?" The leader asks, moving her head to her words as if it will make them seem more legit or something. "Josh is one of the most popular jocks on this school and I'm like the most popular cheerleader. It's supposed to be us, whether we like each other or not. The popular couples give each other more status. Who cares if they cheat on each other? As long as they get a piece of the cake they will, like, do what you say."

Mel looks her dead in the eyes. "I understand about half of that statement, and the little bit that I did understand, I did not care for very much. But hey! At least you know I'm not going after them for that sort of thing, not that you'd care, I don't think."

"Oh right!" The leader gasps, remembering the whole reason they confronted her to begin with. "Why is it that you're following them around? If it's not for the piece of cake, then what are you after?"

The school bell rings, saving her from having to answer the question – not that she would've anyway. The leader of the girl gang rolls her eyes as more students begin to wander the halls. She's just about to say something when Mel turns around and walks away from them, not wanting to have to deal with them for any longer. Shallow people. Only ever thinking about status. The worst part is that most of them know how to act like regular people, gaining people's trust, before killing/sleeping their way up to the top. Actually no… that's not the worst part. The worst part is that there are some who are not like that, but somehow finds themselves amongst those people for one or another reason. She's seen it before… with her sister…

The warning bell rings, snapping her out of her head. Depression can wait; she has to get to class to avoid getting into trouble. If she ends up in trouble, she won't be able to move as freely around this school as she needs to in order to protect Edd. His friends have already managed to get themselves detention for "confronting" a kid they suspected so now she's on her own, basically.

Arriving just in time, as the teacher himself was late, she takes her seat and does her best to actually pay attention to what the teacher is saying – not that anyone else is. This class, Biology, for some reason has gathered all of the troublesome kids and put them all in the same classroom. It almost seems like an experiment to see what will happen or who will crack first: the students or the teacher? Whatever the teacher is saying goes ignored by most of the students. Shouting and fighting is something to be expected here, the teacher ignoring the students' actions as much as they're ignoring his lecture. It feels like hell. She can only imagine how an actually good and well behaved student would react to something like this. They'd probably die of stress. She wouldn't blame them – she feels like she's getting there herself. Then, she vaguely hears the teacher saying something about an upcoming test next week. Oh, joy. Wonder how many will pass that one?

At the end of the school day the bell rings one final time – for the Junior High at least. The seniors still have 30 more minutes to go; plenty of time for someone to escape an overprotective sister and make something to eat before hiding for the rest of his life.

Edd sighs as he opens his locker; placing the books he doesn't need into their correct order before gathering the ones he will need in order to do the homework correctly. He found it hard to believe that it was weekend already. Two days of "relaxing" and "studying". More like two days of hiding and panic attacks. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he tries to force the sickening emotion out of his system. He knows deep down that Mel is probably only trying to look out for him, protect him from bullies and all that fairytale talk. It's not… it's just not going to help though, is it? No matter what she does or tries to do, it's not going to stop – if anything, it's actually, most likely, going to get worse. That's what he's most afraid of, he finds; for the random attacks of the bigger "boys" to become more aggressive and extreme. What if they actually attempt to kill him, or worse, succeeds. What if they attempt to go after Mel with the same treatment, or Eddy and Ed? They never said anything about them never going after any of them if their actions were revealed. Though… they never really say anything to him during those sessions as it is.

Closing his locker and zipping his shoulder bag shut, Edd lets out the breath and turns around to head out the door. Eddy and Ed are not with him right now, having gotten detention from fighting another student. Or rather; Eddy got a detention from attacking another student and Ed got a detention because… actually he's not sure. Why did he get a detention again? He might've said something illogical that made him look like an accomplice in the attack. That would actually make sense. Nodding to himself, Edd walks out the school building and heads over to the school bus.

"Hey Double-D!" Nazz' voice calls out as soon as he steps onto the bus. She smiles at him, seeming happy to see him. It makes his guts twist in worry, but he still approaches her and Kevin at their regular seat. "How's it going, dude?"

"Where's dork and dorkier?" Kevin asks looking around for the other dorks.

"S-salutations!" Edd says, trying to act normal, but his paranoia is clawing at the back of his brain. "E-Eddy and Ed has managed to get themselves some detention, I'm afraid."

"Really? Why?" Nazz asks, looking almost a little concerned.

"I believe Eddy might have been in a fight with another student and as for Ed…" He pauses for a moment before continuing. "…I… I honestly don't know what Ed did."

"You think he might've just been… him?" Nazz offers, dragging a chuckle out of Kevin.

"Knowing that dork it's probably what happened." He says and with that the conversation ends. Double-D walks away from their seat to the ones that he and the other two Eds usually sit. Kevin follows him with his gaze from the edge of his eyes, not wanting to be noticed. He still remember when Mel talked to the two other dorks about him, how they are apparently worried about him for something… serious. He did actually follow the dork for a moment after that, finding that he was acting very strange – always looking over his shoulder as if he was expecting something, or someone, to happen. It was weird. They had mentioned something about wounds, hadn't they? Scratch wounds, right?

"Kevin?" Nazz asks, bringing him out of his head. "Are you okay?"

He sits up straight in his seat, about to answer her when he notices they've already arrived at the cul-de-sac. When did they-? "Uh… yeah. I'm cool." He says, trying to act for her. She doesn't buy it.

"Are you sure?" She asks with an eyebrow raised. "You've been quiet and staring at Double-D the whole ride, dude."

His eyes grow wide. Has he really been looking at the dork for that long? He shakes his head, readjusting the cap before standing up from his seat. "Yeah… uh…" He scratches the back of his head. "I was just… making sure of something, I guess."

"What?"

"Well…" Heading out of the bus he ponders to himself if he should tell her about the moment of the lunchroom with Mel or not. Nazz remains silent all the while he's thinking before he makes up his mind. He trusts Nazz, trusts that she won't react wrong or make a scene from hearing it. With that thought in mind, he takes a deep breath. "I'm worried about the dork." He starts, clearly catching her attention, given how her brows rise to the sky.

"Why? Did something happen?" She asks.

"Kind of…" He says and gestures for her to follow him, which she does. They head to his place, closing the door behind them to make sure no one will hear the conversation, still not sure if he should share this with anyone – but like stated before: he trusts Nazz enough. "Okay, so, remember the other day when the dorks where acting all weird on the bus?"

"You mean when they were all quiet and like a ticking bomb that was about to go off?"

"Yeah. Well, at school I managed to find the dorks and you know, I wanted to know what was so off about them, so I headed towards them. That's when I saw Eddy grab Double-D's wrist, almost violently and then they were just on each other's throats over something… I'm not sure what, but when I finally got to them then Double-D had already left, looking seriously pissed off."

"Jeez."

"And when I asked Skipper about it, what was wrong with Double-D and all, he said he didn't know himself, because apparently he 'refuses to tell'."

"What?" Nazz scrunches her eyebrows. "Do you think he's being blackmailed or… or bullied and told not to tell?"

"Something like that." He says. "I… later that day I walked into the lunch room and saw Skipper and Lumpy standing by a table, talking to Mel. I approached them and asked them what was going on with the dork and explained some weird things I noticed about him during the day. Then I asked them where he was, cuz' I found it weird how they were obviously worried about him and yet he wasn't there with them, and Skipper straight up told me they had dragged him off to the nurse's office for some wounds and then met with Mel in the lunch room to discuss his status." He opens his arms, holds them out as if to say: you get me? "I mean, I don't know about you but…"

"That sounds seriously bad." Nazz fills in, seeming somewhat chocked over what he's said.

"Oh yeah, it does." Kevin agrees. "So, I guess I just unconsciously kept an eye on him during the bus ride."

"Dude, I'm going to keep all of my eyes on him from now on." Nazz says, turning around to look out the window in Kevin's living room. She looks across the street to where Edd's home is, finding him in the kitchen, preparing food for him and Mel. "What do you think will happen when or if Mel finds out who his bullies are?" She asks. "Cuz, there has to be some bullies that are doing this, right? If Mel is on the same boat as Eddy and Ed, then that has to mean she's not causing this drama, but is trying to fix it, make it stop."

"I guess." He says. "And honestly, I have no idea. I saw her talk back at some girls in the lunchroom who were acting all high and mighty towards the dorks, and she just straight up told them to leave, no arguing or contest."

"Well, in that case, we're just gonna have to wait and see." Nazz says, keeping her eyes locked on Edd's form moving around in his kitchen.

Shivers are running up and down his spine and he has lost counting in how many times he's sneezed thus far. It surely can't be a cold – it started literally the moment he stepped inside the door! Rubbing his now red nose, he can't help but wonder if Mel is going to accuse him of being sick and tell him to go to bed for the rest of the day, perhaps the whole weekend. He finds it hard to care at this moment, feeling another sneeze arriving. At this rate, he'd gladly crawl back into bed and just sleep through whatever it is that's going on with him.

He's just about done with the dinner when he can hear the front door open. Mel is home – he took too long. The shivers and sneezes slowed him down, didn't they? Well, he guesses he can't really fault himself for that one; it wasn't exactly in his plan. He lets out a quick and silent sigh when he hears her removing her shoes and then the soft sound of her footsteps heading towards the kitchen. They pause for a moment, surely since she has to be surprised to see him so soon after school. These past few days since she and his two friends confronted him he's made sure to eat his lunch in his room, avoiding her as much as possible. However, today, he's been too slow to keep up the pattern. Something he believes she's very relieved over.

A sudden sneeze followed by a couching fit throws him off balance and he clutches the kitchen bench in front of him to keep himself standing up and not bend over. The sneeze had made him accidentally inhale some saliva afterwards and now he's coughing up a storm as his eyes are tearing up. He can vaguely hear Mel calling out to him, and then he can feel her next to him, her hand gently slapping against his back to assist and getting his airway cleared. It works.

"Are you okay?" She asks, concern painting her voice. He nods, although he remains silent as he tries to calm down the itching feeling in his throat from coughing so hard. His eyes are slightly bloodshot and watery from the moment, but he seems okay. Only when he places both hands against the kitchen bench and takes a deep breath through his mouth without any complications does she feel the relief wash over her. "Thank god." She sighs before gently grabbing his small and still slightly shaky from and pulls it towards her own. Kneeling down as she is, he finds himself being temporarily taller than her as his jaw gently lands on her left shoulder and her nose buries itself into his. "Don't scare me like that." He can both feel and hear her say against his shoulder. For what it's worth, he feels comforted and lets out a breath as relief washes over him as well.

He still can't find it in himself to hug back though. She doesn't blame him. She can't even imagine what thoughts must be running through his head, let alone what feelings must be tugging and playing with his heart after everything he's been through, going through. A short moment goes by before she forces herself to ease her grip of him, giving him the chance to slip out of the hug if he so wishes to.

Her heart cracks when he does.

If it's all just for fame, then who's really to blame?

I actually went to two different High Schools, as the first one I went to went bankrupt. The second High School I ended up at was very different from the first one – none of the students had any real depth to them, no real emotions. The girls I mentioned at the start of this chapter, everyone were just like that, only doing things (people) for the sake of status and popularity. It made me sick, so sick in fact that I isolated myself from everyone during the two years I went there – no friends, no connections, no nothing. One guy I could find staring at me with some kind of 'longing gaze', but I just ignored him, as he was one of those 'popular kids' aiming for fame through the bed. It was during those two years that I discovered Fanfiction, and was able to distract myself through my own and others stories.

Anyway: something I've been meaning to ask you, but hasn't been able to because Fanfiction hates whenever I try and mention this website, so I'm gonna try and do it like this:

P.A.T.R.E.O.N.

Does anyone here use it or know anything about it? If you do, please tell me some about it, how it works and all that – I've been trying to get in contact with the people working there, but haven't heard anything from them, so I'm asking you.

Song: In My Place – Coldplay