Killer Instinct (Part 3)

I blinked. The world around me was engulfed in a dark aura. The fire in my bones became ice cold. Then I became weightless as reality warped around me. Through the aura, I saw the events I had just experienced move backwards before my very eyes. It was surreal. Dimitri's body was still, then he grabbed his neck and trashed. His blood flew back inside his mouth and neck. My own body involuntarily retraced my actions like I was a marionette. I turned away from Dimitri, crouched, and raised my shield up. An arrow bounced off the rim, feathers first, and flew backwards into the air. I voicelessly repeated the same argument with Mercedes and the platoon leader. Somehow, it was all far more intense and horrifying back in Remire. Was this how berserkers felt when they drank their psychotic potions?

Time stopped again. I blinked yet again. Then the fire in my bones came roaring back, the aura swept away like wind, and I was back in the world.

"Sound advance now!"

"Professor, what's happening?!" Dimitri shouted as he ran towards me.

I snapped my head to his direction.

"Your Highness! Stay back!"

I bolted to him. Lightning struck close. I practically tackled him to the ground as I dropped my spear, pulled him close to me, and covered both of our heads with my shield. That arrow that would have killed him impacted almost immediately. Time seemed to freeze again in the middle of the chaos. I feared I had not actually saved the Prince.

"Your Highness, are you alive?!"

"Wha-"

"Tell me you're alive!"

"I'm alive!"

I let go of him, stood up, and released a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Whatever happens next, stay in the rear rank."

"But Professor-"

"All of you stay in the rear!"

Getting off the ridge was absolutely imperative now.

'Damnit!'

'What's wrong now?!' said Sothis.

'You didn't send me back far enough to save Devon, damnit!'

'Come to your senes! The chances of you successfully pushing all the way to the first rank in time were slim to none! I won't gamble your body on that chance!'

I only growled in response and grabbed the closest signalman I could find.

"Sound advance now!"

Fortunately, without question, he blasted his brass horn. Miraculously, the other company signalmen carried the call, reverberated by 3rd Recon's horns, and the hand of the Goddess seemed to sweep over the disarrayed platoon. The confusion flew away and ranks began to fall back into place. I momentarily looked out over the saddle towards the plateau. It's dip seemed steeper than the contour lines on the map had suggested, but looks could be deceiving.

The standard battle drill for a frontal assault on a thin enemy line is a 'thunderhead charge.' Mage sections fracture the enemy's formation as much as possible with a lightning barrage, attritting their defense in depth, then use fire magic to create a smokescreen with burning ash. The infantry then forms wedges or phalanxes and charges. Of course, that battle drill doesn't intrinsically hinge on charging across a steep saddle. It also assumes the attacking unit is mainly composed of heavy infantry armed with long pole-arms and bludgeon weapons rather than skirmishers and dismounted cavalry armed with short spears and javelins. But our choices were to charge or die.

"Over the berm! Follow me!" I yelled.

Without looking back, I leapt over the side and rolled onto my back as I hit the steep slope, then let gravity do the work. I held my shield close to my body as I slid down, arrows landed around me but I was not hit. Once the ground leveled out, I used my momentum to lunge forward and sprint. I pulled my shield over my head as I ran. The bandits on Old Baldy haphazardly riddled my path with arrows and small lighting bolts, but they were too poorly concentrated to kill me.

'Try aiming, shitheads!'

I was furious. My blood was boiling. The fire in my bones drove me forward. I was moving much faster than I normally could, as though my muscles were stronger, my airflow more powerful, my armor was made of feathers. Before I knew it, I reached the opposite slope of the saddle and ran as far up as I could until it was too steep and I went prone against it. I quickly slung my shield over my shoulder to guard my back and crawled up the steep end while staying as flat as possible. My free hand pulled and my feet pushed. I used the spear shaft to stabilize myself. I heard a loud barrage of thunderclaps above me but I didn't stop. Soon the slope rounded out and I pulled myself back to my feet and slung my shield back down to my forearm. I looked up to see the hilltop was shrouded in a cloud of ash, our mage section had successfully laid down the smokescreen to prevent the enemy warlocks and archers from concentrating on us. I could vaguely make out the figures of men stumbling around on the other side of the smoke, disoriented by the lightning barrage. The only thing left to do was attack.

The image of Dimitri's corpse flashed through my mind and I felt a primal rage rise up in my blood like I never felt before. I let out an savage war cry as I dashed through the cloud of ash and drove my spear deep into the chest of the first warlock I saw. The blade sank all the way in. I released the spear as he mewled and fell, then drew my sword. I slashed an archer's throat open and stabbed through his ribs. A large pollaxe fighter lunged at me with a wide overhead swing. I blocked high, the impact forced me back, but I impaled his neck on my sword. I twisted away and ripped the blade out as he fell face first in his own gore splatter.

My senses were unnaturally keen. My perception of time seemed to have slowed to a crawl. I strongly smelled all the blood, burned skin, and scorched grass patches around me. I heard horn blasts, war cries, agonized screams, thunderclaps, roaring flames, and howling wind from spells. I felt every drop of sweat running down my face and the specks of dust that drifted under my visor caked onto the wet skin. I saw every subtle movement from my enemies, allowing me to effectively predict their actions. It all combined into a hyper situational awareness, and my speed and strength were far greater than they should have been. I felt like I was invincible.

But I wasn't. As I advanced further into the haze, a wounded, kneeling warlock tried to burn me with a Fireball spell point-blank. I viciously hacked through his shoulder and the mana backlash from the aborted spell caused his Fireball glyph to discharge back on him. The shock pushed me back, stunning me. The warlock screamed and flailed on the ground as the fire finished him, the embers scorched my brigandine. A nearby bandit saw the opening and attacked.

'To your left!' Sothis shouted.

Out of my limited peripheral, I barely noticed the swing of his warhammer just in time to partially deflect the blow. But the hammerhead's hook bounced off my shield-rim and smashed into my helmet. I hit the ground head first and dropped my sword. I nearly blacked out, but still rolled onto my shielded side and blocked a downward kill swing from the bandit. He pulled his two-handed weapon up to strike again and I quickly drew my seax, pushed up on my elbows, and kicked his kneecap in. He stumbled. I stabbed his opposite thigh and ripped up. He howled as blood sprayed out and his leg gave out. I pushed off the ground and grappled him down. I then cut his armpit open and rolled off of him, letting painfully die from two fatal wounds as he writhed his own blood pool.

I was on my back again, panting heavily. My head pounded like a drum. I noticed that my seax blade was strangely glowing and the pain from the head blow I receive partially subsided inexplicably. But then another bandit tried to exploit my opening and prepared to kill me with his axe. Then he was suddenly gored by a projectile spear that threw him off his feet. A plate-armored man appeared just then and yanked me off the ground with one hand.

"It's Dimitri!" He shouted.

'What the hell. . . '

It was only then that I noticed that the smoke was dissipating and the men of the Alpha Company were swarming around me on the plateau; and with them, the Blue Lions followed right behind their prince.

"Your sword!" Dimitri handed my weapon back.

He then roughly pulled his spear out of the dead bandit's body, only to see that the spearhead was broken, so he tossed the now useless weapon away and drew his arming-sword. He had launched that heavy spear with incredible force as though it were just a javelin. I knew the Crest of Blaiddyd granted great strength, but the strength it gave Dimitri was terrifying.

"Professor! Are you alright?!" Annette shouted as she ran up to me.

"I'm alright!"

Mercedes appeared next to me at that moment as well and created a Restore glyph.

"I'm alright!"

"You sure about that?" Felix snarked.

"Shut your mouth, Fraldarius."

Strangely enough, I mostly was. The hammer blow I took to the head should have concussed me. My visor was hanging precariously over my face as the hammer's hook had smashed the left hinge. It surely would have knocked me unconscious if I hadn't partially deflected the force, or had this bizarre energy surging through me. Yet I noticed that as soon as I killed that bandit, the pounding in my head was reduced enough to where I could stand. But Mercedes still held her glyph up, convinced that I needed it, even though she was heavily winded from the saddle sprint.

"But, Professor, you-"

"Move on to someone you can help!"

By now, I was sure all of Alpha Company had made it across the saddle. They were reforming around their standard to exploit the enemy's disarray. Third Recon wouldn't be far behind. I couldn't afford to sit this assault out while the fire in my bones still kept me on my feet. So I ran to join the shield-wall.

With Devon dead, command of Alpha Company fell to the first platoon leader, a man who's name I have long forgotten. My instincts were screaming at me to seize command as I had done so many times over the years, but I was no longer a leader of Jeralt's Mercenaries and had already interfered enough by leading the charge over the saddle. Now that we broke through the bandit's thin line on Old Baldy's edge, the signal horns ordered the company to form a line and the platoons spread out parallel like rising wings. I also saw the swallow-tailed cavalry standards of Shamir's dismounted troopers join the shield-wall. Skirmishers would not normally form a wall like heavy infantry, but it was necessary for our task. I could already see the standards of Jeralt's element spreading out, they successfully pushed across the bridge and were forming their line. With both our elements attacking, the bandits would collapse inward from the pressure of two shield-walls; an offensive crowd-control formation called the scythe. Our whole element was now effectively compromising the enemy's flank.

Then they blasted our line open. A string of explosions rocked the ground underneath their feet. Men flew in every direction as the earth itself was torn asunder in a blazing pit. Flames and smoke spewed out. The mage sections chained a Nullify field to halt it. The shockwave threw me back and I rolled to absorb the energy. For a moment, I could only gasp for air on all fours as my lungs tried to refill. The air was filled with the stink of burning sulfur. I heard screams. Several men tumbled away from the crater, on fire.

"Dear. . . Goddess!" I heaved.

'What on earth was that?!' Sothis exclaimed.

'A Ragnarok spell!'

I had never been that close to one and survived.

'If the warlocks cast another spell like that, they'll wipe out the whole element!' said Sothis.

'They can't! Not that fast!'

My brief thoughts were then interrupted by the sound of a war cry. Through the smoke, a horde of bandits came pell-mell on our broken line on either side of the crater. The mercenaries nearest to the breach braced for the clash, and within moments they were locked in desperate combat on the edges of that hellish pit. Pegasus troopers swooped down from their circle to kill as many bandits as possible. Dimitri dashed right to the shield-wall on the crater's right side, and I jumped up.

'Damnit! That idiot's gonna get himself killed again!'

'Then cease your prattling and protect him!' Sothis chided.

Dedue and Sylvain were already following behind Dimitri, unwilling to allow their House Leader to stand in the shield-wall alone, especially in a line breach. Without any more hesitation, I rushed to the breach where the bandits desperately tried to break through. Crowded men were shoving and stabbing a hare's breath away from the edge of the pit, several of them tumbled down into it and their screams echoed. I pushed towards the first rank in time to see Dimitri shoulder toss a bandit into the burning sulfur. Dedue pushed to his side, knocking back an attacker with his large shield, and goring another with his axe pike. Sylvain kept his spear posted on the rim of his shield, using the flattened side to stabilize his short thrusts. But our gaggle of a line was still only moments away from collapsing and I realized the pegasus troopers above us would not be able to help us in these conditions.

Then we were all nearly blinded by a flash of light and the ground shook to the sound of the sky opening up. Our mages were drawing a large barrage of natural lightning bolts from the clouds in a concentrated retaliation. It was a danger-close spell that almost hit our own heads and only struck the near of the enemy, but the shock and awe was so terrible that the attacking bandits dissipated as we pushed them back. Dimitri stayed in the front rank, steadily advancing shoulder-to-shoulder with Dedue on his left and Sylvain on his right in the line as the flanking element marched around the crater and reformed. I forcibly pushed myself between him and Sylvain and covered his right side with my shield.

"Professor?" He looked confused.

"You are not taking one more damn step without me next to you!" I snarled.

Neither he or Sylvain voiced an objection and we trudged on. Alpha Company and 3rd Recon maintained our mass phalanx even as the bandits fled. From the first rank, I now saw that the suppression element had successfully pushed across the bridge and spread out into their own phalanx. Signal horns sounded across the plateau and both elements advanced forward. The bandits were now pressed in by shield-walls on two sides. A few desperately tried to push back, and died, but most retreated. Our scythe maneuver, combined with the lightning spells of the mage sections and Rho Troop's buzzard's circle, was herding the bandits into the Nabatean ruins as intended. Well-executed crowd control. No doubt the bandits believed they would be safe among the ruins, and indeed advancing into the ruins would break our formation, but it wouldn't protect them. They had no effective way to counterattack either, deterred by the lightning spells and pegasus dives. They were trapped on this plateau with us.

"Stay together!" I told Dimitri, Dedue, and Sylvain as Alpha Company approached the ruins.

Just as I spoke, the signal horns blasted a call for the mages and the sections cast a spread of fireballs. Flames shot up and burned out inside the ruins, the bandit's shrieks echoed. The horns then sounded the 'crescent moon' call, and the brigade's two elements converged at the edge of the ruins, creating a large semi-circle of shields. The crescent moon was a risky formation specifically meant to trap an enemy body with a double-envelopment in a position where they couldn't maneuver around the flanks. Because of that danger, executing a crescent moon in an open field wasn't recommended unless the enemy's flanks had been smashed and the attacking unit's flanks could enclose enough. All of that would be useless, however, if the mage sections couldn't suppress the enemy with their spells. Crown control, speed, coordinated movement, and overwhelming force were the keys.

The brigade's formation was fractured into sections the further we marched through the web of stone-structures, some were great and some were small. Despite this, the bandits had no feasible way to escape or retaliate as we closed the semi-circle into the ruins, marching past charred bodies and flame-scorched stone structures. The air stank of burned flesh. Glancing above, I saw that Rho Troop were halting their assault dives now that the infantry units were directly under them and they could not tighten their buzzard's circle any further. We were too close to the enemy for the mages to cast more resonant spells either. It was all up to the infantry to grimly crush the remaining bandits in our double-envelopment.

Gaggles of bandits took advantage of the narrow streets to make desperate, suicidal stands against us and the battle broke into multiple small clashes. The boys and I stayed as close as we could with the rest of the platoon we had fallen in with, not knowing where the others were. We finally came face-to-face with an enemy shield-wall in a tight passage between two buildings.

It was only a small group, with barely anyone behind the first rank, that couldn't resist us for long. We rammed into their wall, shields first, and hacked our way through them. They tried to fight back, but they were plainly not well trained in shield-walls. Their attacks were ineffective as those of us in the first rank overlapped our shields while the men behind use raised their own shields above our heads. The bandits had no such coordination and left many gaps in their shields, for which they died. I witnessed Dimitri's freakish strength once again when Dedue hooked a bandit's shield with the beard of his axe and Dimitri hacked straight through his shoulder, taking off his arm. The man just stared at his dismembered shoulder in shock for a moment before Dedue thrusted his axe pike up and smashed his face in. Sylvain protected me from a spear strike. I stabbed the attacker's hip under his shield, causing him to drop it. Sylvain immediately stabbed him through the mouth and he was dead before he fell. The fight was over in moments, leaving no prisoners.

By the time our soldiers reached the center, where the last surviving bandits fought for their lives, order finally broke down into a slaughter as we executed the Law of Macuil. I barely even remember what happened. The killing ended as quickly as it began. It was sanctioned by the Church and no one had any respect for bandits, so the brigade slaughtered them all swiftly and brutally without any shred of remorse, even as some bandits begged to live. I regret many things I did in those days, and yet, Goddess forgive me, I feel barely a twinge of guilt for my complacency in the "Zanado Massacre". Indeed, I was rather detached from it, neither I or the Blue Lions with directly joined in, but voiced no objection to the butchery of men losing their lives and limbs. As the shield-walls broke up and the soldiers cut the bandits down one by one, I simply stayed on the edge the mass of enemies that lay dead or dying. Their gore was practically ankle deep. My memory may have become hazed by the prolonged burning in my bones that gradually died down. Then the burning finally ceased when somebody spoke to me and I felt as though I had suddenly awoken from a lucid dream.

"Professor, we're all alive!" Dimitri smacked his hand on my shoulder to get my attention and I recoiled by reflex.

It took me a moment to notice the other Blue Lions rallying in the middle of the mass gaggle as soldiers moved around us in every direction. They seemed to be unwounded, though Felix was only carrying his estoc with one hand, clutching his wrist with the other. Unable to lift my broken visor, I sheathed my sword with a trembling hand and removed my helmet. The dry mountain air chilled my sweat-soaked scalp. My breath was heavy again. I felt a wave of nausea flow through me beyond my level of exertion. Battle fatigue hits every combatant, but this was something else entirely and Dimitri noticed it.

"Are you hurt, Pro-"

"What the hell were you thinking?!" I yelled.

The Lions all recoiled as though I had struck each of them, even Dedue was surprised.

"Professor?" Dimitri cocked his head in confusion.

"I explicitly told all of you to say in the fucking rear!"

"We couldn't just leave you, Professor!" Ingrid objected.

"That does not fucking matter! I ordered you all to stay back!" I poked Dimitri in the chest. "Especially you!"

For the first time since I had met him, the Prince frowned at me with frustration, bordering on a snarl.

"Professor. . . with all due respect, you said yourself we must be prepared to die. Why are you suddenly insistent on keeping us away from combat?"

"Because I actually saw you die!" I blurted without thinking.

Dimitri blinked. "What?"

I immediately knew that was a mistake, but before I could say anything else my vision was hazed by the image of Dimitri bleeding out from the arrow wound, as if I were seeing an apparition right before my eyes. A sharp, smoldering pain struck my forehead like hot knives being stabbed in my skull. I cried out and clutched my forehead, nearly sobbing from the pain.

"Professor!" Dimitri yelled.

I collapsed to my knees and everything went black.

'Wake up already, you fool!' Sothis scolded me.

Her voice stirred me and I awoke to the sound of two women's voices.

"She's awake!"

"Oh, thank the Goddess."

It took a moment before my vision cleared and I saw the women standing over me. One was a nun, the other was Manuela.

"Byleth, can you see me?" said Manuela.

"Ye. . . yes."

"Good, you gave us quite a scare."

I realized that I was lying in a bed inside a candlelit room, and I knew I was back in the fort. The fact that I could see dull-orange sunlight through an opposite window tipped me off to what time it was.

"Crap!"

I shot up in the bed, only for Manuela and the nun to restrain me.

"Byleth! Calm down, what are you doing?!" Manuela exclaimed.

"I missed the debriefing!"

"Forget about the debriefing, your health is more important!"

"Alpha Company lost Devon, they need me!"

Manuela let go and quickly activated a white magic glyph. I instantly felt a wave of mana that forcibly relaxed my muscles and I flopped back down on the bed, still breathing rapidly. It took me a moment to come down from my brief jolt of hyperactivity to think clearly.

"Just breathe, ma'am, the first crest awakening is always very strenuous to the body," said the nun.

"I can tell the Blade Breakers mean a lot to you, Byleth," Manuela said gently. "But those men care more about your well being. Sir Jeralt himself ordered me give you the utmost care. He was far more concerned about your recovery than being awake for the debriefing.

I glanced around the infirmary ward to see that the wounded men laying in the other beds were staring at me like I was a madwoman.

"Wha. . . what the hell happened?" It still took me a moment to calm my breath.

"You lost consciousness when the battle ended," said Manuela. "The Blue Lions thought you were fatally wounded, poor kids just about panicked. His Highness came sprinting up to me with your limp body in his arms and begged me to save your life."

"Huh. His Highness should be more careful with his own life."

"I don't think that would matter as much to him, the boy's plain smitten," Manuela chuckled under her breath.

'That's for sure,' said Sothis.

I chose to ignore that.

"Hold on," I looked at the nun. "You said. . . crest awakening?"

"Yes," she replied. "You exhibited the signs of activating your crest from dormancy."

"Sister, could you please inform Sir Jeralt and the Blue Lions that she's fine?" Manuela interjected. "I need to talk with her for a moment."

"Yes, ma'am," then she disappeared out the door.

I looked down at my sheets as the gravity of the situation weighed on me.

"So that's what happened."

I decided not to tell Manuela about the excruciating migraine that had hit me, or the fact that I had literally turned back time yet still saw the past that I had averted.

'I told you, the flames within would have an effect on your body,' said Sothis.

'It had to be done. End of discussion.'

"Did all the cadets make it?" I asked Manuela.

"Yes, fortunately most of them were never in the thick of it, so we had no fatalities. Though Mister Fraldarius got a sprained wrist and Lady Macneary has a broken arm."

"At least they're not dead." 'And His Highness isn't dead this time.'

"Yes, but that's not what I'm concerned about right now. We need to talk about you, or rather what's inside you."

I sighed. "Yes, Manuela, I have a crest. And before you ask, I didn't even know I had it until Hanneman tested me when I joined the cadre, but we didn't know what crest it was so we stayed quite about it. And Jeralt didn't know about it either."

"Hanneman told me as much after you passed out, though I don't know why the egghead didn't I was trustworthy enough for that information to begin with," she said, then leaned in closer and spoke softly. "But that's not what I meant, I was talking about the fact that you have no pulse."

I blinked. "What?"

"Keep it down," she hissed. "I'm serious, I checked your wrists and neck and tried listening for your heartbeat, but you have no pulse whatsoever. I only knew you were alive because you were still breathing."

"How. . . is that even possible?"

"It's not. To put it bluntly, I've seen plenty of bizarre shit as a physician, but that's something I just can't explain."

'Does Jeralt even know that?' "Y'know, somehow I'm not surprised," I muttered.

"Why's that?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know," there was no way I was going to tell her about the elf girl in my head. "But when the Sister said I had my first crest awakening. . . "

"Yes, you fully awakened your dormant crest during the battle, that was why you fainted when it was all over."

"Damn," I rubbed my eyes. "That was like nothing I've ever experienced. It felt like. . . "

"Like a fire in your bones?"

". . . yeah. . . exactly."

"That's how crest-bearers normally describe it. They say that it makes them feel invincible, strengthens them beyond their natural ability."

"It also knocked me out cold once it wore off," I drily remarked.

"The first time is always the most memorable, as they say," she winked. "But it's nothing to be concerned about, your body is not used to channeling the power of your crest, and yours was not forcibly unlocked as it the case noble crest-bearers so you never had the opportunity to inoculate yourself to it as you matured. Even experienced crest-bearers can be exhausted by their own crests if overused."

"So I'm a baby in terms of my crest, good to know," I quipped.

Manuela chuckled. "Don't think of it as immaturity, your crest already grants as much power as it would've if you'd been training it your whole life, it'll just take time for your body to adjust. "

"Professor!" A familiar young man's voice bellowed from the ward's door, and who else came barreling through the door other than His Highness himself.

"Profe-ow!" In his rush, he nearly face-planted when he hit the bed next to me.

"Watch it, buddy!" The patient laying in said bed scowled.

"Forgive me!"

Manuela visibly struggled to keep from laughing at the sight. I just blankly stared at the Prince as he practically teleported to my side and assailed me with his rapid, excited speech.

"Professor, praise be the Goddess, I was frightened beyond words when you fainted. I tried to check for your pulse, but you had none!"

"Your Highness-"

"I didn't know what to do! I thought you were surely on death's door!"

"Your Highness!"

"The Blue Lions would be absolutely lost without you, Professor, we couldn't-"

"Your Highness!"

The force of my tone finally snapped him out of his rambling.

"Er. . . yes, Professor?" he awkwardly asked.

"I'm okay, I just got dehydrated," I tactically lied, he somehow didn't see through it and Manuela thankfully said nothing. "Thank you. . . for watching out for me in the field."

He glanced away and slightly blushed. "Ah, well. . . it wasn't anything noteworthy. You saved my life, it's only right that I watch out for you too as any knight would."

The nun who had aided Manuela came then as well, panting as though she had just chased a horse.

"I-I'm sorry!" she huffed. "I told him you were awake and he just-" she huffed again. "Took off!"

Manuela finally laughed. "Your caring heart knows no bounds, Your Highness!"

'Well, at least we know His Highness will never forsake you on the battlefield,' Sothis knowingly smirked.

After Manuela and the nun cleared me, I changed into my cadre uniform and left the aid station. Jeralt came to the ward as I was heading out the door with Dimitri just to see me back on my feet, and though he simply smiled and slapped me on the shoulder, the relief on his face was obvious. He then gave me the unfortunate news that Ivar had lost his wounded leg during the battle. Reportedly, he had insisted on being taken out of the surgical ward after his amputation and was already partaking in the post-battle drinking with the other Blade Breakers. They drank to commemorate our fallen as they did to celebrate and I could hear their memorial songs from the mess hall in the middle of the courtyard.

"How many?" I asked Jeralt.

"Seventy-eight soldiers, eleven troopers," he was referring only to the losses of our own mercenaries.

I just stared at him for a moment. Nearly a company's worth of men, fifteen percent casualties in a single battle. Too much. Jeralt's Mercenaries had only lost as many men in our battles against Almyran raiders in the Throat. I stared down at the ground in silent shock.

"The fucking Ragnarok spell," I said.

"Yeah," said Jeralt. "From what we could gather, the warlocks buried sulfur pits. They could only generate enough mana to ignite the one that hit the flanking element, but that was still enough inflict nearly half of our loses."

"And we lost Devon."

"Yes," Jeralt shook his head solemnly. "And with Ivar unable to fight anymore, this whole damn operation has been a serious blow to our chain of command. At this rate will soon have to recruit entirely from Church soldiers."

Hearing that made me want nothing more than to return to Jeralt's Mercenaries. I stayed silent, as that would have been an awful thought to voice out loud with Dimitri right next to me, but Jeralt could still see it on my face.

"We'll be okay, kid," he smile and slapped my shoulder again. "They're all talking about what you did, you averted a lot more deaths taking charge of Alpha Company on the ridge. Damn near averted a catastrophe."

"Yeah, well. . . I should have saved Devon."

"Don't let the past be your plague kid," Jeralt shook head.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Professor, we all survived the battle because of you," said Dimitri.

'If only you knew the truth.' "Thank you, Your Highness," I said humbly.

I wanted to go join Jeralt the Blade Breakers in the mess hall, not because I was a hard drinker like many of them, but because it was just what I did as one of them. However, I still had my responsibility to my students and Jeralt understood that, so I walked with Dimitri to where all three houses sat around one of the firepits eating their chow. The mood looked sober from a distance, I imagined their first battle experience made most of them want to mentally recover away from soldiers.

"Professor! Thank the Goddess!" Annette jumped up to great me.

All eyes snapped in my direction, even the Eagles and Deer, staring at me like I was a revenant.

"We saved you some dinner, Professor!" Mercedes came to me with a food box in her hands.

"Thank you, Mercedes," I accepted it and sad down on the Lion's bench.

"Glad to see you back in the land of the living, Teach," Claude smiled.

"Yes, the Lions have been raving of your actions," said Edelgard. "We heard you were responsible for breaking through the enemy's flank."

"I wouldn't say that, exactly," I said.

"Are you kidding?!" said Caspar. "They say you were the one who lead the charge over the saddle!"

"That much is true," Dimitri added. "Our entire element's advance completely stalled. The attack was about to completely fail, but you went right through the saddle without a second thought. When the rest of the company saw you, they lost all hesitation and followed suit. You were the very image of war itself!"

"That is definitely an exaggeration," I rolled my eyes before taking a bite of wurst, hearing the Prince heap such lavish praise on me was uncomfortable.

"The boar is right for once, Professor," said Felix. "Just seeing you sprint across the saddle with reckless abandon was enough to spur the whole damn element into action."

Dedue shot a glare at Felix but still voiced his opinion. "You did not allow the chaos to deter your duty. The attack was already failing, but you simply adapted to overcome."

I glanced at Felix's bandaged wrist and asked, "How did that happen?"

"Axe strike. I blocked it, but the impact was too close to the hilt."

"That's why you should've had a shield," I dryly replied.

He didn't respond. A skilled swordsman could feasibly block an axe struck with the large blade of an estoc, particularly when half-swording. There was less risk of injury to block with a shield instead, but an estoc was simply too big to be effectively used one-handed. It was a trade-off giving yourself the most protection, or killing your enemy with the deadliest type of longsword. I myself had had enough near-death experiences in combat to prefer the former option, but I couldn't convince Felix to give up his estoc. In fact, I've never once met an estoc-wielder who could be convinced to give it up.

I then remembered the other injury Manuela informed me of and looked over to Petra. The Brigidine Princess was just sitting next to Linhardt and Dorothea on their bench, her arm wrapped in a sling. She did nothing but blankly stare into the fire, indeed she seemed to have not even noticed my arrival. She hadn't even cleaned herself up after the battle; her hair was still coiled in her Brigidine warrior's braid and she had not washed her warpaint off, the side of her face was smudged with the paint and dirt. Although she wasn't my cadet, Hanneman was not there at the moment and I felt the need to evaluate her well-being.

"Where is Professor Essar?" I asked.

"For the moment, at the outhouse," said Edelgard.

That actually made talking to Petra more convenient. Without his presence, I wouldn't appear to be directly challenging his responsibility to talking to his cadet. So I sat my food down and walked over to her.

"Lady Macneary," I formally addressed her by her Imperial title as I knelt in front of her. "Are you okay?"

She blinked, only then noticing my presence.

"I. . . have received a wound," she said rather absently.

"Can you tell me what happened?" I asked.

"I. . . uh. . . "

She tried to respond but either couldn't find Adrestian words to use or simply couldn't speak. Then Dorothea spoke up.

"Some bandits hid in a hovel and jumped our company as we were pushing through the ruins," she said. "The mercenaries took care of them pretty quickly, but Petra and Caspar broke formation rushed in too."

"And I'm guessing it didn't end well for her?"

Dorothea winced. "It. . . could have been much worse. A bandit smashed her weapon-arm with a maul hammer, but he was killed quickly and Lin took her back to the casualty collection point."

"And I couldn't get off that damn plateau faster," said Linhardt flatly. "All that blood. . . "

He was the least soldier-like of the Black Eagles besides Bernadetta and it was it was clear he had, understandably, been disgusted and disturbed by his first taste of combat.

"But something else happened."

"What do you mean?"

Petra's lips tightened as she looked away from me.

"Was your dagger. . . destroyed, Lady?" I asked her, suspecting that it was her father's.

She said nothing for a moment.

"Y-yes," her voice quivered and I could see tears glisten her eyes, but she was forcing herself not to cry in front of everyone.

"I don't understand," Dorothea looked confused.

"It belonged to her father," said Linhardt. "Heirloom weapons have significant value to Brigidines."

"Almost a spiritual significance," I said. "They value heirloom weapons as much as Fódlander nobles value the Hero's Relics."

Multiple jaws dropped at the implication. Edelgard and Hubert didn't react, from what I could gather they both understood Brigid's shamanistic religion very well. Brigidines don't distinguish between warriors and hunters. They believe that such people have two souls, the one they are born with and the one that is forged only by combat. That 'combat soul' is the sum of their knowledge, skill, and morale. The weapons they pass down to their kin are considered representations of those souls. I always found it strange that many Brigidine warriors willingly carried their heirlooms into battle knowing full well the possibility that they could be lost or destroyed, but to them it was just another risk of combat. However, I knew enough about Petra's family history to understand why losing her father's dagger hurt in her heart.

"You don't need to feel ashamed, Lady Macneary," I said to her. "You did nothing wrong." It was an admittedly half-assed attempt to consul her, but it was all I could immediately think to say as I had never really had to do this before.

"But. . . I was wanting to represent the pride of Brigid," she said, still distraught. "Instead, I have only demonstrated shame."

My mind scrambled to find a way to appeal to her Brigidine heritage without undermining Adrestian sovereignty in the presence of its highest scions. Especially given the fact that, when it came down to it, Petra was nothing more than a glorified political hostage and everyone knew it.

"I know the vassalage is. . . difficult, but Bríg doesn't need you to demonstrate its pride," I deliberately pronounced the name of her kingdom in their own language and that small gesture grabbed her attention. "Here in Fódlan, the Church has an old proverb, 'Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.'" That was directed as much to the arrogant Adrestians as it was to Petra. "That doesn't mean you can't proudly represent Bríg, but what your people really do need is for you to become a strong and wise queen. Focus on learning what you need to here and take those lessons back with you so that you can apply them as the future Banríon na Bríg. Do you understand what I mean?"

"I. . . have understanding," she wiped her eyes with her free hand. "I will be taking advantage of the opportunities I am blessed with."

"Good," I said as I got up. "Take it day by day, and don't let your mistakes dictate your future."

"And you can always, count on us," Dorothea smiled.

"You really know how to inspire confidence, Teach," Claude said, I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or not.

"I'm just doing the job the Archbishop asked me to, nothing more," I replied as I saw down with the Blue Lions.

"I think you're selling yourself short, Professor," said Ingrid. "I honestly don't think I could have mustered up the courage to charge across that saddle if you hadn't assumed command when we all needed you. Even with the chain of command disrupted, you led us right through the most perilous obstacle."

"Yeah, everybody talks about how they'll storm the gates of hell before the moment of truth comes," said Sylvain.

"And you clearly didn't even have to hesitate and think about it too hard," said Ashe. "You saw what needed to be done and took control of the situation as if by instinct." He glanced down at his feet for a moment. "It made me realize that I have a long way to go."

"Same," said Annette. "I didn't see if I actually killed anyone with the few spells I cast, but. . . I was still scared regardless. But you displayed no fear, even when you were on the ground and in mortal danger we still saw you relentlessly fighting, and it gave me courage."

"With your guidance, I'm sure we'll live through many battles to come, Professor," Mercedes smiled.

I could feel my face burning from my cadet's words as I slowly chewed another bite of wurst. I now felt as though they were shining a light on how I had been guiding them in the very short time I had been their professor.

"Well. . . thank you for your confidence in me," I said, looking around at all of them. "And I would like to apologize for snapping at your all earlier. However, I must still stress that it is imperative that you obey my instructions with discipline in combat. Assuming temporary command of Alpha Company may have been necessary, but understand the key reason why we averted total disaster. When chain of command broke down, as it usually does, Alpha Company could only fall back on their instilled discipline to execute the mission no matter the circumstances. Even with their leader dead, they still acted on their training and worked as one body. That meant that they still had to follow the order to charge. In any other situation, charging across a saddle would've been completely insane, but we had to other option so we retained the discipline to do it."

"We understand that now, Professor," Dimitri replied. "We spoke about it among ourselves while you were recovering and agreed that it was wrong of us to disobey you like that. We shouldn't have allowed the heat of the moment to override our discipline, and for that we ask your forgiveness."

"I forgive you, but it's more than just a matter of obedience. You all need to make that discipline second nature. The instinctive discipline place the mission first when everything is falling apart, to do what you were trained to do, and to not allow the fear of probable death to stop your actions. The bandits, on the other hand, crumbled like dust because they did not have that in them, it's what separates the professionals from the rabble. It's a true killer's instinct."

"But. . . I never felt courage in the middle of all that," Annette said ruefully. "I wanted to prove that I'm a great fighter, but. . . I just felt scarred the whole time."

"Let me tell you something, Miss Dominic," I set my food on the bench, "the first time I killed a man was not some incredible, empowering moment. In fact, I straight up pissed myself as I ran my spear through his abdomen and watched him try to hold his guts in as he collapsed and died. Courage is not something you feel, it's just what you do. But even without that, proving that you're a great fighter should never be your goal going into a battle because that will just make you more susceptible to taking stupid risks rather than focusing on your own tasks. And as I've said before, stupidity is what gets soldiers killed the most. I only took the risk that I did because we had to get off that damn ridge."

It was only after I finished my impromptu lecture that I realized that every single cadet around the fire was intently listening as though I were preaching from the Scripture. I found it to be somewhat embarrassing.

"I wish we had you instead of Professor Casagranda," Claude said as he sipped from his drinking horn.

"I still believe the Black Eagles should have taken part in the flanking element," said Edelgard. "Not to prove ourselves, but to do our duty."

The aggravated sigh that I failed to suppress told everyone what I thought of her sanctimonious opinion.

I knew I wasn't going to get much sleep that night after being unconscious for several hours, so I volunteered for first watch. Most of the cadets quickly fell asleep after going back to the barracks. Dimitri wanted to volunteer for watch as well, claiming that he wouldn't be able to sleep, but I made him stay in the barracks and rest however much he could after the battle. So, with my cadets situation, I went to my designated wall, reported to the watch officer, and found a spot where I could look out across the star-lit mountains and reflect on what had happened that day.

'You're getting accustomed to the professor role,' Sothis smiled.

'And yet His Highness only lives because I literally had to go backwards in time. Stars above, it hurts my head just thinking about it. How does such power dwell within?'

'It may very well be the true power your crest that makes it possible,' said Sothis. 'The flames within.'

'But then why did my crest not fully awaken back in Remire even when you turned back time?'

'I don't know the answer any more than you do, but I suspect it may be connected to the Prince.'

'What do you mean?'

'The Princess did not actually die in Remire, you threw yourself before the hostile axe to save her. But here, the Prince was struck by an arrow and bled to death before your very eyes, and I haven't seen such a visceral reaction from you than when it happened.'

I pondered that for a moment.

'Hanneman will no doubt throw himself into further research to find my crest when we return to the monastery. I wonder if I should keep the true power a secret, but then again, would even Jeralt believe me?'

'Whether or not others believe it does not change the fact that it is true.'

'But. . . it's probably best to not perplex them from what will surely sound completely impossible.'

'So what will you do with this power?'

'What else can I do? I barely understand it. But if it can be used to keep the cadets alive. . . perhaps I can follow Jeritza's advice to the most efficient extent.'

Sothis frowned. 'I don't like where this is going.'

'Listen to me for once, you imp,' I scowled. 'I discovered today that Jeritza was right. That killer's instinct can only be forged in combat. It's something I never really had to comprehend because I was raised into this life, but the cadets weren't. Didn't you here what they said back there? They shined a light on how I have been guiding them so far, and now I understand that I've tried to shelter them too much from the reality of war. I speak of needing to be able to accept the possibility of death, yet I didn't want to put them too close to the slaughter despite specifically requesting to join the flanking element. I cannot continue to teach them with such a contradictory mindset. I need to accept more risks and give them no other choice than to become killers.'

'By playing god?!' Sothis exclaimed. 'Byleth, neither of us know the extent of this power! It is likely finite, it will not be wise to play fast and loose with their lives just because you could travel back in time to avert a terrible mistake.'

'I don't intend to play 'fast in loose' with their lives, but what other choice do I have than to bring them into combat? We can't progress forward with a half-hearted effort, and if I must go back in time to save lives in future battles than so be it.'

'And what will you do if you can't? What will you do if the power runs out, or if turning back time simply isn't enough?'

I paused.

'I don't know. All I know is that Faerghus needs them to become strong warrior leaders, and I have bound myself to shape that reality.' "One way or another, they will become the strongest lions."